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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #10421
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
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    Delphine LaLaurie



    Class: Berserker
    Other Applicable Classes: Assassin
    Alignment: Evil Mad
    Sex: Female
    Height: 168 cm
    Weight: 45 kg
    Armament: Chains

    STR: C
    CON: B
    AGI: D
    MGI: C
    LCK: D
    Noble Phantasm: C

    Legend

    	A serial killer from Nineteenth century New Orleans. Delphine LaLaurie, despite the atrocities she would commit later in life, was not always evil. She was a beautiful, if unlucky woman who lived the carefree life allotted to her by her class and skin color. Her beauty was known worldwide, as even the queen of Spain at the time admired her grace. She married a Spanish royal officer while still young, but he died on a trip back to his homeland. Next, she married a lawyer, but he died as well. From both of their wills she inherited a fortune. Now older, and with her beauty a bit faded, she married her third husband. This was where her problems began.
    	Delphine married a surgeon, a Leonard LaLaurie, who was much younger than her in 1825. They lived a happy life together, with her husband even letting her view his work in the operating theatre. As the years went on, Delphine started to notice that her husband was getting ever more distant from her until one accursed day when she discovered him in bed with one of her slaves. This awakened something in her. Some deep resentment she began to foster as she became older, but it was not one that she could take out on her husband. He was, after all, a notable member of the New Orleanian community. Her slave, on the other hand, was Delphine's personal property.
    	Immediately tearing the woman from her husband’s arms, Delphine set upon her with her husbands surgical implements. She sundered the flesh and organs from her slave’s body and felt at once immediate relief. Perhaps even pleasure. Sadism kept dormant within her for her entire life awakened in that moment. From then on, she could not be stopped. The confines of her mansion became a living hell for her slaves and for her family as well. Her family lived in fear of what Delphine could do. If they protested, she would beat them within an inch of their lives. The mansion was Delphine’s personal garden, within whose walls she could prune and mold flesh into whatever shapes pleased her in that moment. She would have no one rob her of that.
    	But it would not last. When a fire threatened to burn down her house, a team of would-be rescuers barged in to save any who might remain within. Delphine pleaded for them to let the building burn, as she had already saved all that mattered to her, but the oblivious good-hearted citizens only thought her to be hysterical. Once they discovered her crimes, however, this opinion soon changed. So filled with outrage, disgust, and primal fear were they, that they tore her yet burning mansion apart down to the very stones of its walls. She fled New Orleans that day, never to return.


    Tactics

    	The dangerous nature of LaLaurie leaves her master in a precarious position. Even when under Mad Enhancement, she is still a relatively sub-par servant in terms of parameters. This is also coupled with her mental state which makes her difficult to manage even while calm. She works best as a countermeasure against opponents that complement her skill set, such as young beauties or Servants of non-European, especially African, origin.
    	Her skill set also implies a suitability for guerilla warfare, despite her low agility. The constant and prolonged damage from her skills and first Noble Phantasm allow her a possible victory by attrition. However, she herself is difficult to control regardless, so this requires considerable support on her master's part. La Monde LaLaurie is a last resort Noble Phantasm deployed when LaLaurie no longer has a purpose in a Grail War other than that of a “suicidal weapon of mass destruction.”


    Class Abilities


    Mad Enhancement: B
    A class skill that raises parameters and strengthens physical characteristics, A B rank in this skill provides a rank up for all parameters, but in exchange most sanity is lost. While most servants would lose the ability to speak at this level, LaLaurie may occasionally have moments of unnerving clarity between bouts of animalistic growls.

    Personal Skills


    Torture Techniques: A+
    A Skill that represents one's possession of outstanding torture techniques. Plus modifiers are added when using torture tools to deal damage. Because it strengthens bloodshed and agony, further damage is continuously added after the ordinary damage. LaLaurie is self taught and simply strives to create the greatest torture imaginable.

    Sadistic Constitution (Supremacy): B
    A Skill that augments one's aggression in battle. It appears to be a positive Skill, but the more bloodshed the owner causes, the more their abusive disposition will grow, causing them to lose even more of their sanity. The longer a battle lasts, the lower the chance of a successful retreat for the user. The loss of sanity and control is augmented when facing opponents towards which LaLaurie feels “inferior” in some way, typically in regards to beauty.

    Disengage: D-
    The ability to withdraw from the battlefield in the midst of combat or reset the battle conditions. Restores battle conditions to 70% of what they were at the beginning of the match, but status effects remain.

    Surgical Procedure: E++
    The capability of surgical repair with use of a bloodstained scalpel, applicable to the Servant or her Master. LaLaurie’s procedure was taught to her by her third husband, but she’s somehow managed to figure out how to prolong the last moments of someone’s life through pain. She loves keeping people in the throes of agony for days on end. It’s one of the only ways to keep her from rampaging. This skill would have a higher rank under the Assassin class container, since she would actually use tools then. As a Berserker, she uses implements of torture instead of actual scalpels for her “surgeries.” Sometimes, she even uses her bare hands.



    Noble Phantasms


    Sing for me, Worthless Beasts -- Caresse Cramoisie (Crimson Embrace)

    Rank: D
    Type: Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm
    Range: 10 m
    Maximum Targets: Single Target

    	The savage and bladed whip LaLaurie would use to injure and restrain her slaves. It is made of interlocking barbed steel links, angled and sharpened in such a way that even the slightest of touches will cause blood to gush out. When it successfully draws blood, a curse applied by the whip will force the blood from the wound, thus causing the wound to worsen as it grows from the force of expelled blood. The wound will also become twice as difficult to heal through magecraft due to this curse.
    	Since she is not a mage in any regard, this Noble Phantasm’s curse does not stem from any actual magecraft on her part. Instead, it is the legend of her bloodlust, spoken of in hushed whispers while she was alive then celebrated as a horrific part of local New Orleanian lore after her disappearance. Her whip is the sublimation of the agony she caused; it is the “actions of the woman called Delphine LaLaurie, committed against her innocent slaves.”



    My Little Corner of Paradise -- Le Monde LaLaurie (The World of LaLaurie)

    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Group Noble Phantasm
    Range: Self (100 m2)
    Maximum Targets: 30

    	The crystallization of the horrors discovered within the LaLaurie mansion in New Orleans. Unlike her whip, which is her “actions” turned into a weapon, this is the “discovery of her atrocities by they who would save her victims” turned into her personal battleground. Once its true name is called, it creates a restricting spiked collar around her neck, reminiscent of those she would use on her slaves. The spikes will gouge into LaLaurie’s flesh, causing her to bleed and roar in pain. The moment she is subjected to her own devices, a pseudo-reality marble spills out from her body and into the world around her.
    	It is a medium-sized bounded field that drags behind and around her. This bounded field twists existing landscapes into hellish terrain. For example, any standing or running water is replaced with thick semi-coagulated blood. Buildings will be replaced with twisted fleshy prisons bearing the agonized, screaming faces of countless forgotten victims. When LaLaurie stands still, the bounded field takes up a circular area around her. If the bounded field leaves a particular area, the previously infected area is left exactly as it was before, albeit with an implacable rusty scent in the air. Within the bounded field, Caresse Cramoisie has its effective rank raised by two, thus making its effects more pronounced. Rather than manifest as a singular whip, it becomes a cluster of animated tentacles akin to the original whip. These tentacles come out of the ground beneath her feet and thus allow her to continue using Caresse Cramoisie despite her physical restraints. Additionally her opponent's movements are mired, effectively lowering their agility parameter to E rank. This detriment can be contested or even nullified by appropriate skills.
    	Typically a Berserker class servant would not be able to use such an advanced Noble Phantasm such as the creation of the bounded field, due to the nature of LaLaurie herself the use of this mystery is second nature. This comes with a downside, however. The terrain created is also filled with vengeful wraiths that are not controlled by LaLaurie but benefit from her Mad Enhancement. As a result, they will attack anything and everything trapped inside of the bounded field. These wraiths are the incarnate wrath of both her victims and those who uncovered her atrocities. Their fury is present in the forms these entities take. They are like sentient wildfires that move with supernatural speed. They are blind in their anger and cannot distinguish LaLaurie from anyone else who might stumble into the Bounded Field.

    Author's Notes
    The recent discussion about overpowered servants made me want to post one of the weaker ones from that certain Grail War.


    Author's Notes (Servant Usage)
    This Servant was going to be on the side of a secret American Mage's Association, MITHRA, which primarily used American servants or those with American ties. LaLaurie's master was going to be an African-American Executor who chose LaLaurie as a servant for the sheer irony of the situation.
    Last edited by gyrowins; April 17th, 2018 at 07:50 PM. Reason: Modified 2nd NP to include fire

  2. #10422
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Dinosaur Fascination: As a fellow dinosaur lover, I'm in love with this sheet. When I started reading, It made me remember that series I watched as a kid in which a kid could enter a different world in which his toy dinosaurs were alive by jumping into the bucket where he kept them.

  3. #10423
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    I have seen that my profiles are a "bit" overpowered and i will try to make my next Servants more in the middle league RoydGolden i have listened you and with this servant i try to begin with, Shiki-pon i have seen what you wrote about Goliaths Hougu and I express myself about it later and i will use for Morgan your suggestion/hint of Avalon and it will have a special connection to Excalibber Morgan in some directons.
    but here is the raw skeleton of my Servant





    Nameless Gladiator "Gladios"

    (Saber)



    Appearance

     
    Doshta Master havent you expected a Woman as Gladiator...?



    other Bodies examples

    Time to let crumble away the royalty...!


    Dont freed Master Hoplomus will guard you...

    Ah finaly i am free to feel the thrill of fighting...!




    Parameters

    Strength: C+~
    Endurance: C~
    Agility:
    B~
    Luck: C-~
    Mana: B~
    NP:
    A
    ~ = in average ,Parameters are differing from a Body to a other,


    Background

    This are the ghosts and Spirits collected of the in the amphitheatres and rebelion fallen warriors.
    Each of them had a diferent Background but almost all of the Spirits faced the same end...
    some where War-prisoners other former farm-slaves it can be said that amongst them were Novices up to Masters in the martial arts.


    Personality
    Although we have never Forget our Names for now we act as "Gladios" ...
    Although every Individuum has its own personnality , they act as collective so "they" will act unregarded the current number of bodies in a Unison (as theyy can be said) ,but in some occasions will step out their individual personality like in "her" case a sarcastic direct individual.
    They act towards royal Servants espesially Roman ones very hostile and ravaging especially towards Roman Emperor.
    Although there are many different temperates under them ,there shared traits are the wish to slaughter ever pressure under which the oppressed suffer and the willingness to cooperate with their Master and tolerate some attitudes from the Master to a certain degree but should the Master Show over tme to many Opresive Qualities or his wish /philosophy incompatible the have no hesitations to backstabe their Master.

    .


    Skills
    Class skills:
    Magic Resistance : C
    Although the most lived in the midle or late Phase of the Age of Gods the most of them hadnt experience with Magic interferences but a few of them had possesed even some skils in Magecraft.
    Riding : A
    Can handle any vehicle and creature that isn't a Magical or Phantasmal Beast.
    Although Riding is a twisted subject amongst them were many of them trained to Mount Horses or to be Charioters (Essedarius)

    Personal skills:

    Collective Experience(Gladiator)*:A
    Is the sublimated experiences and Knowledges of a conglomerate of many souls/Spirits it provides a varius set of different skills each individual once possesed(was it inside or outside the Arena) upto Rank C inter alia :Medical Surgery Rank C-,Military Tactic Rank D or Disengage Rank D+ and so on.
    Memory Correction(Despair):B
    Although normally a skill belonging to the Avenger class in this case ist the un extinguish able memories full of fear ,despair and grudge they musted endure to "entertain" the highclass.
    Its effects are that in the case they will be packed in a Corner(situations wise) where they are remindet on the despair they had to endure they will get a Mad Enhancement like bost.


    Unyielding Will:C
    is the spirite to never give up unregardet physival or psychical damage.
    At this rank ist effects are like a Rank C Battle continuation and a Rank C resistence against mental attacks.

    *thanks Shiki-pon!


    Nobel Phantasm

    Unitos Gladiatoris
    Type:

    Rank: A+
    Range: 1~99
    Maximum number of targets:
    Description:
    This is the sublimated Union of the oppresed Spirits of the fallen Warriors.
    The primär functions of this Nobel phantasm is to convert damage into Mana
    At the first will be the Mana will be used to fill the spiritual-core of a other Spiritual-Body of the Coglomerat until the Spirit core beginn to ignite and rotate then will be enabled the Body enabled to Manifest into a seperate Body.
    The Second is that after at least three Bodys are Manifested is that the accumulated Mana Begins to strenghten their Bodys and enables them to unlock their individual skills,also increase the Damage-energy convert rate with every seperate Body.
    The third ,the final function is after atleast Hundred bodies are manifested and have accumulated enough Mana it can be formed a Bounded Field that recreate the Battlegrounds of the Third Servile War and summon the remaning other dormant Spirits and Spartakus and also the othes commanders of the rebelion Crixus,Gannicus and Oenomaus.
    other functions are that the wounds are healed slowly and that the spiritual core is becoming more resilient against direct attacks .


    Primus Gladius
    Type:
    Anti-Unit
    Rank: C~
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:
    Although it is "just" a normal Roman Gladius its act as Conceptual Weapons due to it represent as the banner of the Concept of the Gladiator .
    Although every Body has ist own individual Weapon- and armory every Body has acces to to Primus Gladius.
    Upon the release of the real Name all bodies except one give their power to one nd a Swordslash is executed whoose strenght is based on the loading state of Gladiatoris Unitos as a Hail of Swordslashes and Spear Trusts in a similar mechanic like Tsubame Gaeshi.



    [Relationships
    Spartakus:Our Great Savior(?)/Hero we hope to meet him once more...
    Nero:
    This Emporer *rumble*
    Iskandar: The King of Conquerors
    Mordred:

    will follow...



    Bond craft

    Although we died centuries ago our Rebelious Spirit has become immortal in the History and we live on even today in the hearts of every Rebelious...



    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 20th, 2018 at 03:06 PM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  4. #10424
    étiquette Spartacus's Avatar
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    lmao
    This is entertaining

  5. #10425
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Okay, so far she looks surprisingly decent coming from you (I still don't have really high hopes, though. I'll give my final opinion when I see the effects of her NPs and unique skill). Specify the class, I don't know if you're making her a Saber or a Rider.

    ---Update---

    Also, avoid using Japanese words. You aren't even writing them properly. It's dōshita, not doshta.
    Last edited by King of Padoru; April 17th, 2018 at 04:17 PM.

  6. #10426
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    Okay, so far she looks surprisingly decent coming from you (I still don't have really high hopes, though. I'll give my final opinion when I see the effects of her NPs and unique skill). Specify the class, I don't know if you're making her a Saber or a Rider.
    She is a Saber and i have it corrected in this Point..
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  7. #10427
    吸血鬼 Vampire Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    All in all, very good (at least in comparison to before). There's hope for you yet.
    Though if I might offer a suggestion, the 'Unified Collective Veteranism' (I know it's a placeholder name) might be renamed something along the lines of 'Collective Experience (Gladiator)'. I'm also not too sold on them having Memory Correction, but with a good reason it's fitting enough.

  8. #10428
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Since they're fallen gladiators, I guess it's something like "we fell on the battlefield and were forgotten by everyone, but we cannot forget what it is to see everyone seeing our deaths as part of the fun".

  9. #10429
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    You are all certain Koga isn't just trolling?

  10. #10430
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MehKitteh View Post
    Don't jinx it.

  11. #10431
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Shit there are typos on my sheet and I can't fix it now because changing the post on the phone is fucking up the editing. Sorry about that.

    Delphine: A cute Berserker girl without Mad Enhancement EX? What a mistake!
    Seriously though, I like it, but it was disappointing to read her suicidal weapon of mass destruction NP and realize the fire and the rage of the villagers weren't part of it, I would have done away with the wraiths and made something like "inside the bounded field there's also a great fire, the materializarion of the village's rage upon discovering the atrocities she committed, it deteriorates the field wherever it burns and is actively trying to destroy Berserker."

    Gladios: Stop with the Japanese man, there's no reason not to write "What is it" or "What's the issue" instead.
    Can't really comment on anything else since there's almost nothing there. Really, I don't understand why you and others post unfinished sheets, it's not like people will keep going back to check it out unless they care enough after you go through the effort of telling them to. Just doesn't make sense to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    Dinosaur Fascination: As a fellow dinosaur lover, I'm in love with this sheet. When I started reading, It made me remember that series I watched as a kid in which a kid could enter a different world in which his toy dinosaurs were alive by jumping into the bucket where he kept them.
    Yes, dinosaurs are the best! I'm aware of that cartoon though it wasn't really part of my childhood, I was more into Jurassic Park, Dinosaur King and a toy + encyclopedia collection we had here in Brazil.

  12. #10432
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    Delphine: A cute Berserker girl without Mad Enhancement EX? What a mistake!
    Fran-chan's ME isn't EX rank either and she's cute.

    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    Yes, dinosaurs are the best! I'm aware of that cartoon though it wasn't really part of my childhood, I was more into Jurassic Park, Dinosaur King and a toy + encyclopedia collection we had here in Brazil.
    Oh, man. Dinosaur King was really fun too! How nostalgic! ^^

  13. #10433
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    Fran-chan's ME isn't EX rank either and she's cute.



    Oh, man. Dinosaur King was really fun too! How nostalgic! ^^
    Ah Dinosaur King niece series and i have stil now the Dinosaur King game and Pinetree your profile is very good and as i read Sue the T-Rex and the other Dinosaurs my heart beated because i am still fascinated by the Age of The mightiest Reptilies the Mezozoikum *breaths deep* its to bad that there isnt one Servant qualifying Person exist that can use a Reality Marble to temporaly bring the extincted life back ...
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  14. #10434
    Across This New Borderline RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Dinosaur Fascination: Just so you know Pinetree, if you did post this up in the contest I'd totally give it all my votes. It's awesome.

  15. #10435
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    I recall having seen a sheet about a paleonthologist that had a book NP with similar effects while looking at random pages of the thread. Other than that, we only have Lucoa's Quetzalcoatlus. And I guess Ivan the Terrible's mammoth counts too?

  16. #10436
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    Delphine: A cute Berserker girl without Mad Enhancement EX? What a mistake!
    Seriously though, I like it, but it was disappointing to read her suicidal weapon of mass destruction NP and realize the fire and the rage of the villagers weren't part of it, I would have done away with the wraiths and made something like "inside the bounded field there's also a great fire, the materializarion of the village's rage upon discovering the atrocities she committed, it deteriorates the field wherever it burns and is actively trying to destroy Berserker."
    While that's a good idea and all, I'd just like to mention that this all took place in the city of New Orleans, which is significantly bigger than a village. Just sayin.

    I can't believe I forgot about the fuckin burning down her house part when I made the NP, so I'll throw that in.

  17. #10437
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    I just want to cuddle Dinosaur Fascination.

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
    ---
    Dreams of swallow cuts.
    ---
    summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  18. #10438
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    stuff
    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    I recall having seen a sheet about a paleonthologist that had a book NP with similar effects while looking at random pages of the thread. Other than that, we only have Lucoa's Quetzalcoatlus. And I guess Ivan the Terrible's mammoth counts too?
    If we're talking about fan servants then there was a great one with a female paleontologist on the previous contest as well but I forgot who did it. Regardless, I'm sure we'll get a paleontologist servant someday, I forgot who wrote Quetz but they seem to like or at least be interested in them since they went out of his way to make the Quetzalcoatlus connection instead of just giving her the feathered snake as a ride.

    Quote Originally Posted by MehKitteh View Post
    I just want to cuddle Dinosaur Fascination.
    I can definitely relate haha

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Dinosaur Fascination: Just so you know Pinetree, if you did post this up in the contest I'd totally give it all my votes. It's awesome.
    Thanks a lot but also Oh noooo don't make me regret it.
    It's okay, I'm quite fond of Archaeopteryx as well and this really is too different from the theme, Sue is the only connection to a real animal.
    Last edited by pinetree; April 17th, 2018 at 07:24 PM.

  19. #10439
    I? I am Ardneh. Funderfullness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gyrowins View Post
    While that's a good idea and all, I'd just like to mention that this all took place in the city of New Orleans, which is significantly bigger than a village. Just sayin.

    I can't believe I forgot about the fuckin burning down her house part when I made the NP, so I'll throw that in.
    I thought the fire was started by a slave trying to escape, and the mobs just trashed the place and it fell into disrepair (until Nick Cage bought it).
    "We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet

    I make Servants when I'm bored.

  20. #10440
    el bolb Bloble's Avatar
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    dino might be one of the best sheets i've ever seen

    the contest is poorer without it

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