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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #10481
    私の名前何ですか?What is my name? Lethildiren's Avatar
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    It appears in the middle of the night. A Servant, radiating power on level with the King of Heroes himself; your Servant wakes you in a hurry, saying that now is a good time to run. And so, you run, as far and as fast as you could possibly go; any thought of returning to your house later for what you had left behind is not given much attention. But the mysterious Servant only seems to get closer. Your Servant is wary, to say the least, but it seems the only option now is to fight. You prepare yourself... and she comes into view. A young woman, with hair pale as snow, skin of nearly the exact same shade and vibrant, gleaming red eyes, wearing a red, white and gold dress so elegant and powerful that, were it not likely a Servant's Noble Phantasm, it could only belong to some sort of deity. Every visible inch of skin below her neck is covered in runes, scarlet and glowing like your own Command Seals, and your Servant stops mid-blow, staring in astonishment.

    "Hello," she greets, warmly. "I am the Servant that the Holy Grail calls 'Alpha Ruler.' I had wanted to talk... my apologies if I frightened you," she adds, after a moment, looking slightly sheepish.

    Slowly, your jaw drops.





    ALPHA RULER
    Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern

    There are no big, high-quality Justeaze pictures anywhere on the Internet, apparently. I am disappointed. Still, think Irisviel, but wearing the Dress of Heaven.

    ADDITIONAL TITLES: Heart of the Greater Grail, Arbitrator of Heaven’s Feel, Harmonious Culmination of the Threefold Lesser Grail
    SUMMONING CATALYSTS: N/A
    ALIGNMENT:
    Lawful Good
    LEGEND: Historical Fact (Nasuverse | Fate/stay night and just about everything connected to it)
    REGION: Variable, depending on where the Greater Grail is located

    STR: **** E+
    END: ***** D+
    AGI: **** E++
    MAG: ***** EX
    LCK: ****B+
    NOBLE PHANTASM: ***** EX

    SEX: Female
    HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 158cm / 52kg
    ATTRIBUTE: Star
    LIKES: Humanity, kindness, bravery, the “strong and silent” type
    DISLIKES: Frivolous wishes, greed, cruelty, those who treat people as tools, worms
    MORTAL ENEMY:
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil

    ARMAMENT: The Dress of Heaven Mystic Code, crystallized as a Noble Phantasm
    GRAIL WISH: N/A

    Class Skills:
    Embodiment of God’s Will — EX

    An upgrade to the God’s Resolution Skill, meant to denote a Spirit wholly manifested from the Holy Grail itself.

    At this rank, Alpha Ruler is provided with three Command Seals per Servant, covering her whole body, for a maximum of either twenty-one or fourty-two (for seven or fourteen, respectively); these can be used on any Servant except for those of the Avenger class and Alpha Ruler herself.

    Additionally, Alpha Ruler possesses the ability to add or remove from another Master’s Command Seals. She cannot raise them above three Seals, however; nor can she remove them all completely. Similarly, she cannot create new Masters or provide defeated Masters with new Command Seals.

    As the conscious manifestation of the Greater Grail, Alpha Ruler possesses almost the highest level of authority over the Holy Grail War; the only entity that surpasses her is the Grail itself.

    True Name Discernment — EX
    A Skill permitting a Servant to learn the identity and abilities of a fellow Servant at a glance. At this rank, Alpha Ruler is automatically provided with full access to every Servant’s identity and stats upon her summoning.

    As an incarnated aspect of the Holy Grail, Alpha Ruler knows the identities of the Heroic Spirits participating in the Holy Grail War as innately as one knows how to breathe.

    Personal Skills:
    Discernment of the Poor — B

    A Skill denoting one’s skill at seeing through another's aspect and character. At this rank, Alpha Ruler can usually see through any lies or excuses that she might be told.

    Alpha Ruler is the shared consciousness of three different individuals from across history, all of whom had wildly different views on life, and has vague recollections of the personalities of various Heroic Spirits summoned up until the Holy Grail War she is summoned into. This makes her specially gifted at psychology, to say the least.

    Alchemy — A++
    A Skill denoting one's proficiency in the branch of Thaumaturgy known as Alchemy, specializing in the study and manipulation of matter. At this rank, the Servant can be said to have an encyclopedic knowledge of Alchemy; they might have even created a Philosopher’s Stone at one point.

    As the master of the Einzbern family of Magi, partial creator of the Heaven’s Feel ritual and precursor to the modern-day “Justeaze” Homunculi that came to follow her, Alpha Ruler’s primary identity can easily be said to have been one of the greatest Alchemists in the world. (Although it should be noted that she did not, as a matter of fact, create a Philosopher's Stone.) Her Spiritual incarnation is no different, bearing total knowledge of the Einzbern branch of Alchemy and proficiency in all other branches, to one extent or another.

    Goddess's Divine Core
    C+
    A Skill that expresses one being a perfected goddess from birth. A composite Skill that comprises the Skill Divinity, preserves the absoluteness of the mind and the body, repels all mental interference, prevents the body from growth and prevents the figure from change no matter how much calories are absorbed.

    As Alpha Ruler is not a Goddess nor derived from a Divine Spirit, being instead an extension of an artifact that could be said to possess godly power, she is limited to a C+ rank in this Skill. The effects are still fairly noticeable, but not 'all-powerful.'

    Magecraft (Wish Granting) — A++
    A Skill embodying the Einzbern family's Sorcery Trait: the ability to skip the thaumaturgical process altogether, and recreate miracles through just the use of magical energy. It's still bound to the limitations of the Magic Circuits, of course. At this rank, Alpha Ruler has total control over this ability and — through her ludicrously large Mana stores — can cast nearly any spell, even those that are hidden away by other families of Magi. True Magic is beyond this, however (excluding the Third, but that manifests as a Noble Phantasm, anyway), and she can still exhaust her Mana supplies if she performs enough high-power spells in a short enough duration.

    As the former head of the Einzberns, it is only natural that Justeaze would possess this Skill. Her nature as an aspect of the Holy Grail only furthers the potential of her innate Sorcery Trait, allowing her to replicate miracles without much difficulty.


    NOBLE PHANTASM
    Heaven’s Feel
    Purpose of The Divine Artifact Made By Mortal Man

    Rank: A+++
    True Magic
    Range:
    1~10
    Max. Targets: 1
    The Holy Grail was designed to create a pathway to the Third True Magic; immortality through crystallization of the Soul, or Heaven’s Feel. It still possesses the capacity to grant this to any entity that wishes for it, Master and Servant alike.

    Alpha Ruler, herself, is capable of wielding a heavily-weakened variety of this Magic, posthumously becoming the world's first (and likely last) Wielder of the Third True Magic. With vast Mana stores (although as a Servant they hardly rival that of the Holy Grail, limiting her abilities), she can transfer a Soul between containers without harming it, or heal spiritual damage that cannot be undone by any mortal Magecraft. If she's willing to completely expend herself and die in the process, she can even fully incarnate a Servant into flesh and blood, negating their need for Mana to live. (Due to the fact that complete Mana deprivation is rather problematic for humans as well, this does not work on herself outside of extraordinary circumstances.)

    Although the Holy Grail itself requires no such instruments to channel its power through, Alpha Ruler must use the Dress of Heaven to channel the Mana required for this ability, or the sheer amount of Mana being spent all at once may overload her. It has manifested as a Noble Phantasm for this reason alone.


    PERSONALITY
    ”All I wish is that a good man or woman will find their wish. That is the purpose of the Holy Grail, and so it is mine, too.”

    Alpha Ruler is not quite just Justeaze, but for the most part their personalities are the same. Alpha Ruler is a calm, unfailingly polite and idealistic young woman, with almost messianic levels of love for the human race after seeing all the good it has wished for; unlike the other homunculus Lesser Grails that followed her, she has also been heavily exposed to the uglier side of the world — there are quite a lot of evil wishes, after all — so her natural idealism is remarkably resolute in the face of
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil
    . She can be somewhat aloof or even cold at times, but this is mostly a side effect of her being aware of her temporary nature as a Servant; she has no desire to make attachments when she knows they won’t last.

    In serious matters (that is, essentially the entire Holy Grail War) she often acts exactly as the Ruler class is supposed to: as a referee, overseeing the seven Masters to ensure they do not cause unnecessary damage to the site of the War, harm too many innocents, and, most importantly of all: that they don’t waste their wish. Being told that a Master desires something that they don’t even need the Holy Grail to obtain — Waver Velvet’s desire for recognition, for instance — or desires terrible things — such as the wish of
    Angra Mainyu
    Avenger
    to become
    All the World’s Evil — is a good way to make her usually friendly personality lose its warmth. She has no patience for those who would waste or corrupt a miracle.

    She still bears aspects of the two Lesser Grails, of course. She has Illyasviel’s sense of humor and fun, for instance; and Irisviel’s wide-eyed innocence and gentleness. Justeaze herself regards them with immense fondness, saying that she almost wishes she could have known her “descendants” without having to make them a part of her. Any accusations of actually wishing for that will be countered by her pointing out that Rulers can't desire wishes like that.

    Curiously, she can also be somewhat shier and more dependent than Justeaze actually was, being reluctant to voice her opinion during heated situations (such as arguments between friends or allies) and often deferring to other Servants during alliances, unless she herself feels very strongly on the matter at hand (that is, when the Holy Grail is directly involved). Although she has no recollection of any Lesser Grail with those personality traits, a few other select individuals may be able to guess through one singularly bizarre fact: she’s terrified of worms.


    LORE
    Most Magi know about the Heaven’s Feel ritual, or the Holy Grail War; not as many (but still a large amount) are aware of how it began. It was an attempt to reach the Third True Magic immortality through crystallization of the Soul begun by three individuals of three powerful families of Magi. Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern was one of them; she developed the ritual of Heaven’s Feel, and became the core of the Greater Grail — the mind and Magical Circuit through which it would operate.

    The first ritual failed, of course. Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern died for nothing at all, and her efforts ultimately doomed her companions and their families to at least two hundred and fifty years of strife. But a part of her lived. Much as the entity that is
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil
    would one day come to reside within the Holy Grail, the Grail took the consciousness of its first vessel unto itself, immortalizing her as the Greater Grail forever. Or, well, until it's destroyed.

    Such is the fate that awaits all of the humanoid Lesser Grails, to some extent; their identities will be subsumed into the Holy Grail, becoming part of the nebulous consciousness that guides it. Irisviel von Einzbern and Illyasviel von Einzbern, for example. But what does this mean? And what is the purpose of Alpha Ruler?

    Alpha Ruler is the first 'Ruler' of the Holy Grail War and the Holy Grail’s answer to the Grand Servants, summoned solely in a time where
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil
    (or something just as bad) manages to summon itself into the world as a Servant and attempt to achieve its wish. She is all of the humanoid Lesser Grails whose existences and roles are guaranteed at once, from Justeaze to Illyasviel — regardless of when Alpha Ruler is summoned — with the original as the primary mind. Her goal is simply to safeguard the Grail from the influence of
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil
    , so that the Holy Grail War does not end in guaranteed Armageddon.

    Ultimately, Alpha Ruler should have also been the one that speaks to the winner of the Holy Grail War, just before granting their wish; but that role was stolen by
    Angra Mainyu
    All the World’s Evil
    , having sneaked in under the guise of an antihero born of mankind's darkest wishes. Justeaze sleeps forever hence, as the Grail crumbles around her and Evil has already won. Only
    manifestation of the Shadow
    the beginning of the end
    might even have a chance to wake her; and by then, it may very well be too late.


    MISCELLANY
    Bond Lines
    1: “A ‘third-rate Magus,’ you say? Heh. Do not worry, Master; worse Magi than you have become great heroes.”
    2: “I never imagined a ‘Holy Grail War’ happening. It’s... disappointing, but I know it was for the best, somehow.”
    3: “Mm? What were the other two like? Well... Nagato-kun was remarkably serious, most of the time. It was a sight to see, when he wasn’t! Zolgen... ah... er, I think I would prefer not to talk about Zolgen.”
    4: “You know, I’ve never questioned the Holy Grail’s choice of Servants. It always picks those that are best for their Masters, no matter who they turn out to be. Even if the Master and Servant themselves are distasteful... I always admire how well they ultimately get along. Just like...”
    5: “I know I won’t be able to stay, when this is over. But... I’ll serve you to the best of my abilities, until then. And, if you could remember me when I’m gone... I would like that very much, [Name].”

    Relationships
    Emiya Kiritsugu:
    “Ah, I remember you... you were worthy of a wish. It’s a shame what happened.”
    Irisviel von Einzbern: “It’s almost like looking into a mirror... ha. You had a wonderful life when you could, and I’m happy you were able to. Perhaps we will be able to continue it here?”
    Emiya Shirou: "Still fighting, I see... good luck, then. I know I can't talk you out of it. Do try not to lose yourself along the way... I've seen enough tragedies in our family for a lifetime."

    Illyasviel von Einzbern: “Oh, you’re so young, still... goodness. But it’s just physical, isn’t it? Pardon me. It’s fun, isn’t it?”
    Arturia Pendragon: “Ah, King of Knights. Irisviel remembers you fondly... and of all the Servants, I think I like you the best now, myself. You have changed your wish, right?”
    Arturia Pendragon (Alter): “...I’m so sorry.”
    Angra Mainyu
    Avenger
    : “Oh, it’s... you. If absolutely nothing else, could you please put a shirt on? The tattoos hurt my eyes.”
    Matou Sakura: "You remind me of someone. I'm not sure who... ah, well. How is your family, these days? Zolg
    — ah, Zouken treats you well, I presume?"
    Zolgen Makiri
    Matou Zouken
    : "Y
    ou're... Zolgen? I... didn't recognize you. What happened?... what have you done to yourself?"


    NOTES
    Been done before, I know. A long time ago, too. That actually inspired me to do it, sort of; I'd already had the idea before, but that other sheet inspired me to go all the way with it, when I saw it. Not much else to say, other than draw more Justeaze art damn you

    Oh, and by the way, Connection to the Root is a real Skill, apparently. I was surprised, too.
    Last edited by Lethildiren; April 20th, 2018 at 06:04 PM. Reason: More relationships. Minor modifications to the lore. New Skill. At this rate, I'm surprised I didn't add a faceclaim.
    Old soul. Where are you going, old soul?
    行人腕弛い。どこに行きません、行人腕弛い?

  2. #10482
    死徒 Dead Apostle Master of Chaos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    Well I thought so too but then You instantly convinced me otherwise.
    Quote Originally Posted by Crying View Post
    You's quote

    Conjecture. Sorry, but since Nasu himself stated otherwise, I'm gonna need some hard evidence before I buy this...

    Master of Chaos' Servant Standards

    F/GO ID: 011416057/カオス

    quote for higher truth
    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkeye View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    Get famous in America, you're American. That's literally how America works.
    Unless you're Justin Bieber, Canada didn't want him, but America refuses to claim responsibility
    Quote Originally Posted by In a certain South Park episode...
    Kyle Broflovski: And what happens when an invulnerable cheater comes up against an elitist corporate dictator?
    Eric Cartman: A perfect storm of hypocrisy that everyone in the country has to deal with for months on end.

  3. #10483
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
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    Ali ibn Abi Talib



    Class: Saber
    Other Applicable Classes: Caster, Berserker
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Sex: Male
    Height: 195 cm
    Weight: 122 kg
    Armament: Turban, Cloak

    STR: A++
    CON: C
    AGI: A
    MGI: B
    LCK: B+
    Noble Phantasm: A+

    Legend

    	A prodigy from birth, chosen by Allah to be both the sword and shield of the nascent Islamic faith. The walls of the sacred Kaaba opened before his pregnant mother while she was visiting it on a pilgrimage and did not allow anyone else to enter for three days until he was born. This was only the first sign of his sacred portent. His uncle, the prophet Muhammad, named and raised him into a fine young man.
    	The first male to embrace Islam, the closest man to the prophet, the champion of the faith, the lion of Allah. As he grew, more and more blessings were bestowed upon him in order to make him the catalyst for a young faith. As Islam grew into a mighty force, Ali was there on the front lines to defend his faith and his country men. However, his great strength was also a weakness. Every time he would take up a sword, it would be ruined by the end of the battle. His strikes were simply to powerful for mortal steel. In the battle of Uhud, he completely shattered the strongest sword the Muslims had while bisecting a giant Meccan warrior. The defanged lion was ready to lay down his life by fighting off as many as he could with his bare hands, but the battle was interrupted by a divine voice. “There is no hero like Ali!” The voice called out, as the angel Gabriel descended onto the battlefield. In its hands, it held a resplendent sword. “There is no sword like Zulfiqar!” With that final proclamation, it bestowed the divine sword to Ali and flew off. With this mighty sword, Ali singlehandedly drove off the rest of the Meccan forces.
    	Ali continued to be the greatest champion as long as he was needed, but he was not a man who reveled in conflict. He slew dragons, demons, and infidels when needed, but he did it all for peace. When the Prophet died, he allowed the favored candidate, Abu Bakr, to succeed as Caliph rather than embroil the people in a worthless civil war. Despite his efforts, however, a civil war erupted during his time as caliph. Five years into his leadership, he was assassinated with a poisoned sword during his morning prayers. Ali forgave his assassin on his deathbed.


    Tactics

    	Ali, in this manifestation, is not fond of conflict. A younger Ali, another candidate for the Saber class container, would be a machine geared for battle and brutal in his use of Zulfiqar. This version is more a warrior poet than a champion. He compliments his swordsmanship with numerological magecraft and uncanny efficiency. He works best if his master is also a competent fighter. Thanks to his defensive abilities and secondary Noble Phantasm, Bawabat al-’Ilm, Ali can enable a master to fight alongside him, though not on equal grounds, of course. He is loath to take part in certain underhanded tactics, such as poisonings or hostage taking, but surprise attacks are one of his strong suits.
    	Ali is fond of quick and powerful mounts. Should he come across a cruiser motorcycle during his involvement in a Grail War, he might just appropriate it for himself.

    Alternative Classes
    	Regardless of his class container or the point of his life he is summoned from, Ali will always possess Zulfiqar. However, it is more so the “idea” of the sword rather than the blade itself. The Saber class will always possess it as a sword, of course, though it's effective rank and raw destructive potential are increased if Ali is younger. It also changes designation from Anti-Unit / Anti-Fortress to Anti-Unit / Anti-World.
    	As Caster, his gains a pair of enchanted vambraces, the right known as Al-Abyadh: Wisdom of Sacred Alabaster and the left known as Al-Ahmar: Wisdom of Crimson Sands. Both represent him as bearer of Al-Jafr: Truth Illuminated by the Red and White, a sacred and secret tome full of knowledge passed down from the Prophet, to Ali, and then to Ali’s successors. The right arm possesses a mastery of “white magic,” such as curatives, prophecies, and numerology. The left, however, can project any of the powerful artifacts of Islamic legend and myth, as well as contemporary weapons and other tools of warfare. Of course, this includes Zulfiqar.
    	Berserker sees him manifest more of his identity as the lion of Allah, Asadullah: Rise, Lion, Chosen of the All Forgiving. He will gain a more bestial appearance, one rather similar to that of a certain American inventor. In that case, Zulfiqar will manifest more so as an ability to “cleave” without resistance rather than as a proper sword.


    Class Abilities


    Magic Resistance: EX
    Due to being born in the Kaaba, Ali has been blessed with a powerful sacred defense, on par with those of Ruler-class servants. This manifests regardless of his class, but does not function against holy spells, especially not those that derive their power from faith in Allah.

    Riding: C++
    At this rank, most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill. However, he cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species. Additionally, he gains combat bonuses when escorting another or when in a small, fast vehicle.


    Personal Skills


    Sacred Lion: A
    A skill that represents the gifts bestowed upon Ali that helped him protect the adherents of his faith. A composite skill of high ranking Monstrous Strength, Eye of the Mind (False), and Natural Body skills. He is unable to fully control the Monstrous Strength portion of this skill; it will activate whenever he feels strong emotion.

    Military Tactics: B+
    Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonuses are granted when leading a small strike squad against a larger or more powerful foe.

    Self-Field Defense: D (A)
    A power displayed when protecting allies or an allied camp. Normally a Shielder class skill. It exhibits damage reduction surpassing normal defensive limits, but the user is not included. It does not cover much area or many allies, but provides the damage reduction of an A ranked version of the same skill for those it does cover.

    Numerology (Abjadi): E++
    A magecraft system similar to the Hebrew Kabbalah, but using the Arabic written language instead. Using isopsephy, malicious effects can be converted into auspicious ones through manipulation of base “programming.” This skill would have a considerably higher rank under the Caster class container.

    Noble Phantasms


    Blade of Shimmering Eternity -- Zulfiqar

    Rank: A+
    Type: Anti-Unit /Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1~99
    Maximum Targets: 1000

    	A divine sword that resembles a scimitar. It was handed to Ali by the angel Gabriel after he had shattered his mundane sword by cleaving the greatest fighter of the native Meccan troops, as well as his armor and shield, in a single blow. The sword was returned to the Planet soon after Ali’s death, so he can be said to be the only one truly allowed to carry it. It is an unbreakable sword, which comes in handy for someone with Ali’s raw strength. It’s true purpose, however, is as a “guiding light” for Zulfiqar’s true form, being that of a massive energy blade that’s formed of mankind’s “awe at the unreachable stars above.” Resembling the stars of Orion’s belt, the massive blade follows the swing made to create it. This is the true “division” in Zulfiqar’s nature: a sword that is half of this earth, half of the stars, yet wholly divine. With his strength recklessly put behind the weight of this celestial edge, Ali once nearly destroyed the very planet he swore to protect. Had the angel Gabriel himself not held the blade back, Ali may have actually achieved it. Ali has since learned to restrain himself more, which is why it is no longer classified as Anti-World. A younger Ali might be more reckless.
    	Zulfiqar is a Divine Construct and is in the upper echelons of that class of Noble Phantasms. It is a Last Phantasm, a God-forged weapon of celestial provenance. This construct in particular was forged in the upper atmosphere where it collected mankind’s aspirations and the starlight that filled man with wonder. This hope coalesced into a curved sword that can only be described as “serene.” Despite clearly being an implement of war, it only evokes feelings of placid nights and quiet solace. It can be called the crystallization of the prayer named “anchorage” which can create hope, resentment, or even sadness in the hearts of those who gaze upon its blade. It is the reassurance provided by the unchanging stars above. No matter what happens, one can still expect the stars to shine. If there is one blade that can be relied upon to carry a man through every tribulation, it is Zulfiqar.


    Gateway of Hidden Potential -- Bawabat al-'Ilm (Gateway of Knowledge)

    Rank: C++
    Type: Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm
    Range: 5
    Maximum Targets: Single Target

    	A tattoo that appears on Ali’s right shoulder and which extends down to his right palm when “invoked”. The complex linework is actually made of quotes from hadith traditionally attributed to Ali himself. The black inked lines turn gold and emit a soft glow while this Noble Phantasm is in use.
    	As the “gateway” to the “house of knowledge,” as declared by the Prophet himself, Ali holds within him the ability to develop the unresolved potential of others. He is able to bestow this raw power upon others by placing his right palm against their upper back. Ali is able to choose the “nature” of his gift, but not the specifics of the gift itself. He may bestow wisdom, Servant skills, or even magic circuits to an individual, but the actual details of what he grants depends wholly on the recipient. A weak magus with the potential to be a great sorcerer may find their circuits modified to be A tier, but someone who has already reached their potential may receive nearly nothing.



    Author's Notes
    A big buff Ali in comparison to the one posted recently. I chose a very Shia approach to Ali, since they've got the best material for him.


    Author's Notes (Servant Usage)
    Ali's master was actually a member of the Church. Ali doesn't particularly mind since his Master's intentions in this Holy Grail War are fine in his eyes. They're all People of the Book at the end of the day, anyway.

  4. #10484
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    How do you find my newest Servant Profile ,Gally?
    You asked for feedback on Gladios by PM, but I'm going to reply here for ease of reference.

    -Her Skills are mostly fine, though Pinetree is right that Memory Correction would probably be better swapped with an original Skill since its effects are totally different from canon.

    -Unitos Gladiatoris does way too many things for one NP. It feels like you took a few different NPs from canon Servants (Spartacus's damage absorption, Hundred-Faced Hassan's body splitting and Iskandar's army summon), tinkered with them slightly and then crammed them all together rather then coming up with an original concept. It doesn't help that the description is so meandering and badly written that my eyes nearly glazed over reading it. (No offense)

    -Primus Gladius is simple, but fine. The basic concept of an attack that gets stronger the more damage she takes fits her character, and the imagery of all her fellow gladiators adding their weapons to the attack is a cool one.

  5. #10485
    世界が丸い限り! Spartacus's Avatar
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    I'm at mobile, so my English will be rougher than usual, bear with me.

    Ali:
    Ah yes, Shia's view is fair enough. I do research Shia, Sunni and western view too, and I choose the part that kinda 'neutralish' that doesn't belittle both sides (mostly: 'did this offend you?', 'did I get this Islam-things right?' questions to my friend), since that how mostly canon Servants being presented. (at least, how I see it)

    And yours is more fantastical takes on him too, that is also fine. But aren't A++ strength is too much? His feats is more B-rankish if you ask me, the reason why I elevate it to A is a wank from my part. Since a guy with buster sword that can't be broken and swing Broken Phantasms around with ease should be stronger (I think). So, I do wonder what is the reasoning here.

    I consider calling Zulfiqar as a Last Phantasm too in my omitted parallel-ing Saber part, but since I barely know what does that means except some name drop in the VN, I just leave it be.

    And kinda unrelated, but I like that he is paired up with a Church member.
    Support JP (05/05/2018)
    Tell me if you want a Medb, Tsar or Achilles. Saber will be there forever, deal with it.


    ??? 1st Act = HALFU%
    OP is done tho

  6. #10486
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    Justeaze: Ayyyy~ Much more well developed and put together than the version I put out in the previous thread, I'm a little iffy on some of the choices despite generally liking it.
    Giving her a unique, super version of God's Resolution is cool but also making it EX-Rank is strange - maybe its like Pioneer of the Stars in that you either have it at EX-Rank or you don't have it at all, but this seems like a Skill you could leave Rankless and just say "this is what the Skill does, it will only ever belong to Alpha Ruler exactly as it is now so it has no Rank.
    I'd also personally probably go with something like Magecraft (Wish Granting) but I suppose an A++ Rank in Alchemy makes her strong enough. Connection to the Root is a bit of an odd choice in my opinion, especially in regards to what it does for her, but its your sheet to do what you want with.
    The NP is good and her personality is too, I especially like the fact that Sakura left her mark too, although I feel like the Relationship section is a little hollow.
    My honest opinion regarding GO
    Its not very good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that its bad. It offers very little to the Fate franchise in terms of quality - in fact, I'd argue that its content actually diminishes the quality of the franchise as a whole. A lot of its problems can be put down to the 'mobile game' format it uses, but that was a conscious decision on the part of its creators so it can't be used to shuffle off blame. And GO's problems that don't stem from it being a mobile game... I'm being polite by calling it a piece of trash. But... Nasu clearly had a blast writing/making it that I can't quite bring myself to hate it. Loathe it, sure, but not hate. That's too strong of an emotion. Only just, though.

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  7. #10487
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    ...yours is more fantastical takes on him too, that is also fine. But aren't A++ strength is too much? His feats is more B-rankish if you ask me, the reason why I elevate it to A is a wank from my part. Since a guy with buster sword that can't be broken and swing Broken Phantasms around with ease should be stronger (I think). So, I do wonder what is the reasoning here.
    As I mentioned, I went for a more Shiite approach. The Shias have stories about his supernatural strength. There is one where Ali once nearly split the world asunder with Zulfiqar, and only the full strength of the angel Jibreel was enough to stay the blade; and another where Ali tore off the giant gates to a fortress in Khaybar with his bare hands. There may have been a few more, but I can't remember them right now.

    His strength is normally A, but to represent these extreme feats of strength I gave him Monstrous Strength and added the pluses to reflect how his raw force changes with Monstrous Strength active.

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    世界が丸い限り! Spartacus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gyrowins View Post
    As I mentioned, I went for a more Shiite approach. The Shias have stories about his supernatural strength. There is one where Ali once nearly split the world asunder with Zulfiqar, and only the full strength of the angel Jibreel was enough to stay the blade; and another where Ali tore off the giant gates to a fortress in Khaybar with his bare hands. There may have been a few more, but I can't remember them right now.

    His strength is normally A, but to represent these extreme feats of strength I gave him Monstrous Strength and added the pluses to reflect how his raw force changes with Monstrous Strength active.
    The gate part is the one I referring as B rank actually. But I did miss understood tte 'he nearly split the world with Zulfiqar' part and I thought it was more Zulfiqar being awesome than his own physical feats. But I get it now.
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    ??? 1st Act = HALFU%
    OP is done tho

  9. #10489
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors pinetree's Avatar
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    Justeaze: She is quite a fun character but the mechanical part of the sheet doesn't impress me much. This Alpha Ruler class seems really redundant, I think a better choice would be to just make her a Ruler with an extremely special new Class skill, also strange that you didn't give her Goddess' Core considering Iri has it.
    Your reason for giving her Discernment of the Poor is quite clever and the effect of the skill definetly fits, but I feel like the theme doesn't, so maybe a new skill with similar effects would've been a better choice. Connection to the Root is just a really weird choice, it kinda fits and I can't think of a better choice but... I don't know, giving this to her is just odd.
    Her Noble Phantasm is okay, not amazingly interesting but there's not much you can do without going super crazy anyway.

  10. #10490
    私の名前何ですか?What is my name? Lethildiren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    Justeaze: She is quite a fun character but the mechanical part of the sheet doesn't impress me much. This Alpha Ruler class seems really redundant, I think a better choice would be to just make her a Ruler with an extremely special new Class skill, also strange that you didn't give her Goddess' Core considering Iri has it.
    Your reason for giving her Discernment of the Poor is quite clever and the effect of the skill definetly fits, but I feel like the theme doesn't, so maybe a new skill with similar effects would've been a better choice. Connection to the Root is just a really weird choice, it kinda fits and I can't think of a better choice but... I don't know, giving this to her is just odd.
    Her Noble Phantasm is okay, not amazingly interesting but there's not much you can do without going super crazy anyway.
    I mean, 'Black Iri' does also apparently have Connection to the Root, so I felt it would fit. As for Goddess's Core... I actually managed to miss that. Uh.

    I'll see about adding that in, I guess. Was a bit iffy about four Personal Skills, but-- yeah, that one probably should be there.
    Quote Originally Posted by Crying View Post
    Justeaze: Ayyyy~ Much more well developed and put together than the version I put out in the previous thread, I'm a little iffy on some of the choices despite generally liking it.
    Giving her a unique, super version of God's Resolution is cool but also making it EX-Rank is strange - maybe its like Pioneer of the Stars in that you either have it at EX-Rank or you don't have it at all, but this seems like a Skill you could leave Rankless and just say "this is what the Skill does, it will only ever belong to Alpha Ruler exactly as it is now so it has no Rank.
    I'd also personally probably go with something like Magecraft (Wish Granting) but I suppose an A++ Rank in Alchemy makes her strong enough. Connection to the Root is a bit of an odd choice in my opinion, especially in regards to what it does for her, but its your sheet to do what you want with.
    The NP is good and her personality is too, I especially like the fact that Sakura left her mark too, although I feel like the Relationship section is a little hollow.
    I've never seen any Skills without a rank, except for ones that were completely sealed. I figured EX would do well enough. I could do Wish Granting, but... at this point, we'd be going upwards of five Personal Skills. I try to avoid doing that.

    Her personality took a little while to come up with, actually, considering how little we actually see Justeaze in canon; one appearance at the end of Heaven's Feel isn't much to go off of. Then I realized that both Irisviel and Illyasviel turned out reasonably similar, when given the chance to develop (vaguely) normal emotions, and realized that it's not unlikely that Justeaze was ultimately a similar sort of person. The rest flowed somewhat naturally, to my relief.

    Relationships... eh. I could add a little paragraph describing things beneath each quote, I guess, but otherwise there's not much I can do. (And I'm pretty sure GO doesn't usually do that...? Eh, I haven't seen enough in there yet, outside of the first Singularity and the wiki; I could be wrong.)

    All in all, duly noted; will change things around a bit now.
    Last edited by Lethildiren; April 19th, 2018 at 11:39 PM.
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  11. #10491
    世界が丸い限り! Spartacus's Avatar
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    Actually, relationship is the hot from GO
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    ??? 1st Act = HALFU%
    OP is done tho

  12. #10492
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    Ali: subhanallah such abs

    On a serious note, I'm sad that Numerology (Abjadi) is not Protection of the Sole God. But hey, Numerology.

    also thanks for the reminder to rework on that Muhammad sheet!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  13. #10493
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    You asked for feedback on Gladios by PM, but I'm going to reply here for ease of reference.

    -Her Skills are mostly fine, though Pinetree is right that Memory Correction would probably be better swapped with an original Skill since its effects are totally different from canon.

    -Unitos Gladiatoris does way too many things for one NP. It feels like you took a few different NPs from canon Servants (Spartacus's damage absorption, Hundred-Faced Hassan's body splitting and Iskandar's army summon), tinkered with them slightly and then crammed them all together rather then coming up with an original concept. It doesn't help that the description is so meandering and badly written that my eyes nearly glazed over reading it. (No offense)

    -Primus Gladius is simple, but fine. The basic concept of an attack that gets stronger the more damage she takes fits her character, and the imagery of all her fellow gladiators adding their weapons to the attack is a cool one.
    now i have rewritten Unitos Gladiatoris,i hope its now better .
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 20th, 2018 at 07:49 AM.
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  14. #10494
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethildiren View Post
    I've never seen any Skills without a rank, except for ones that were completely sealed. I figured EX would do well enough. I could do Wish Granting, but... at this point, we'd be going upwards of five Personal Skills. I try to avoid doing that.
    Uncrowned Martial Arts doesn't have a Rank, last I checked. Maybe that changed in F/GO, but as far as I remember it lacked one in both Apocrypha and CCC. Not adding Wish Granting is fine, honestly - I agree that 5 Personal Skills is a bit much - but if you did add it I would probably replace Connection to the Root (its unique effects for her still feel a little strange btw, but whatever) with it. Your sheet, though, and it works without Wish Granting just fine.

    Relationships... eh. I could add a little paragraph describing things beneath each quote, I guess, but otherwise there's not much I can do. (And I'm pretty sure GO doesn't usually do that...? Eh, I haven't seen enough in there yet, outside of the first Singularity and the wiki; I could be wrong.)
    My problem wasn't that there weren't descriptions of the relationships, my problem was there it felt like there were relationships missing. Like, you'd restricted the Relationships section to just other Servants - which is understandable - but Justeaze not having a line for Zouken (beyond whats in her Bond Lines) really makes it feel incomplete. Its entirely your decision, but I'd probably include at least some non-Servant relationships in there.
    My honest opinion regarding GO
    Its not very good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that its bad. It offers very little to the Fate franchise in terms of quality - in fact, I'd argue that its content actually diminishes the quality of the franchise as a whole. A lot of its problems can be put down to the 'mobile game' format it uses, but that was a conscious decision on the part of its creators so it can't be used to shuffle off blame. And GO's problems that don't stem from it being a mobile game... I'm being polite by calling it a piece of trash. But... Nasu clearly had a blast writing/making it that I can't quite bring myself to hate it. Loathe it, sure, but not hate. That's too strong of an emotion. Only just, though.

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  15. #10495
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    Funnily enough, all instances of Uncrowned Arms Mastery in FGO are EX Ranked.

    nevermind, wrong skill. But yeah, some Skills can have no Rank with enough justifications.
    Last edited by MehKitteh; April 20th, 2018 at 09:20 AM. Reason: dammit drowsiness

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  16. #10496
    私の名前何ですか?What is my name? Lethildiren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crying View Post
    Uncrowned Martial Arts doesn't have a Rank, last I checked. Maybe that changed in F/GO, but as far as I remember it lacked one in both Apocrypha and CCC. Not adding Wish Granting is fine, honestly - I agree that 5 Personal Skills is a bit much - but if you did add it I would probably replace Connection to the Root (its unique effects for her still feel a little strange btw, but whatever) with it. Your sheet, though, and it works without Wish Granting just fine.


    My problem wasn't that there weren't descriptions of the relationships, my problem was there it felt like there were relationships missing. Like, you'd restricted the Relationships section to just other Servants - which is understandable - but Justeaze not having a line for Zouken (beyond whats in her Bond Lines) really makes it feel incomplete. Its entirely your decision, but I'd probably include at least some non-Servant relationships in there.
    Fair enough; I swapped out Connection to the Root and spruced up her Relationships a bit. And corrected a minor lore error in her Lore spoiler, too, while we're at it. Still haven't removed the rank for Embodiment of God's Will, but that's only a minor gripe at best, right? Heh.
    Old soul. Where are you going, old soul?
    行人腕弛い。どこに行きません、行人腕弛い?

  17. #10497
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    lmao
    This is entertaining
    Please tell me now your oppinion of my "Gladios" Spartacus ,and Bird of Hermes tell me if it has become a mess like you have expected ??
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  18. #10498
    世界が丸い限り! Spartacus's Avatar
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    Ok, since I already said I will read it. It went from absolutely nothing into incomplete, at least an improvement.

    I'll immediately comment the NP, which also addresses my common problem to every 'Nameless/random dudes' sheets.

    Unitos: Ok, Gladios convert damage into mana, the same thing as Spartacus, this is fine. Then, she can use the mana to summon other gladiators? Sugoi. Then these gladiators will keep multiplying, get stronger and gain new Skills? Holy crap. After multiplying to 100, they can summon a Bounded Field, which summon other heroes like Spartacus and other gladiator commander. Idk why Spartacus become the hero of gladiator rebellion then, when these random gladiators, aka featless fodder, literally have an NP that better than Spartacus, the dude with a legend, in every aspect.

    Primus: Every single of the gladiator can Tsubame Gaeshi, period.


    But the original name of Collective Experience (Gladiator) legit cracks me up. Because it is a damn clever, if it is being an intentional trolling.
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    ??? 1st Act = HALFU%
    OP is done tho

  19. #10499
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    Primus: Every single of the gladiator can Tsubame Gaeshi, period.
    what the

    ---

    Also, Spartacus' Ali gives a very interesting and rather mindblowing piece of interpretation that Muhammad once sliced an Ultimate One in half.
    Last edited by MehKitteh; April 20th, 2018 at 08:34 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  20. #10500
    世界が丸い限り! Spartacus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MehKitteh View Post
    Also, Spartacus' Ali gives a very interesting and rather mindblowing piece of interpretation that Muhammad once sliced an Ultimate One in half.
    Nah, it just a normal day for Crimson Moon, drinking tea and stuff, then an earthquake happens.
    Crimson Moon: The fuck? A moonquake?
    Then the moon return into normal. And he is like ?????

    Actually this is very bs and I didn't think it through
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    ??? 1st Act = HALFU%
    OP is done tho

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