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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #12521
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Never heard that part of the legend before
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so she’s ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  2. #12522
    The Great and Powerful Wizard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    Never heard that part of the legend before
    Yeah, it doesn't come up often. Most myths just have her dropped off on the beach and have Dionysus roll up and marry her. There were only a few mentions across multiple sources of her hanging herself but they never explain what's supposed to happen after that so I decided to tie that in with the usual and have Dionysus show up after that.

  3. #12523
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    noice
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so she’s ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  4. #12524
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Bonjour-desu Mina-san i have found some new News of the next lostb elt called Götterdämmerung and Sigurd aswell as Surtr is confirmed !look Here> http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/User_...nd_SpeculationHere is Sigurd >and Surtr>and here is the (hopefully functioning) Trailer Video > ps:as i am in the next days am able to reveal my complete Krishna sheet i wanted to ask the community here two Question :First i havent found out which of his three flutes he used the most and ist Name(because i will give him a flute based Noblephantasm which will become his favorite ones class unregarded).Second:Which particular deeds should not being ignorred to be imulated as atleast a Skill or as minor/lesser Noblephantasm perhaps.weapon wise i have found the Right ones plus one that is working with his Status as vishnus Avatar.
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; July 18th, 2018 at 07:28 PM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  5. #12525
    Assassin of the Foggy Streets Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    Not too confident in this one, but I think it's fairly decent. Kinda.

    Class: Archer
    True Name: Alphonse Gabriel Capone
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Evil

    Strength: D
    Endurance: D
    Agility: D
    Mana: E
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: B-

    Class Skills
    Independent Action A
    It is possible to take action even without a Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary. At Rank A, it is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for about a week without a Master.

    Magic Resistance E
    Cannot cancel spells, but magic damage is reduced somewhat.

    Due to fact that Archer is from an age where Mystery was thin and never encountered Magecraft in his lifetime, he has a very low rank of Magic Resistance.

    Personal Skills
    Charisma D
    Leadership skills increase, but the morale of troops significantly decreases. Archer’s possession of this Skill is unique in that it comes from intimidation, having been a feared mob boss in life.

    Golden Rule B
    Archer had accumulated an enormous amount of wealth in life, though most of it was achieved through violent methods. This allowed him to indulge in custom suits, cigars, gourmet food and drink, female companionship, and the flamboyant, costly jewelry he was known for.

    Demonic Defender of the State A
    The capacity of a Servant to mark a region as his personal dominion by securing the surrounding leylines prior to an engagement. While within his territory, Archer receives a combat power boost equivalent to Mad Enhancement B.

    Noble Phantasms
    Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre
    The Plan to Kill Bugs Moran
    C+
    Type: Anti-Army
    Range: 1~50
    Maximum Number of Targets: 1~150
    The infamous attempt to kill George “Bugs” Moran, which Al Capone is often assumed to have orchestrated.

    Upon activation, Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre spawns a small squad of mobsters armed with submachine guns. This makes the Noble Phantasm similar to Okita Souji’s Flag of Sincerity Noble Phantasm. However, the mobsters are not Heroic Spirits but familiars with no distinct traits or free will.

    Furthermore, Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre has some specific conditions for activation; Capone must be near an area designated enemy territory and the enemy must be unaware of his presence. The first condition makes it fairly potent when dealing with Casters or other Servants with the Territory Creation Skill.

    Public Enemy Number One
    Most-Feared Man in Chicago
    B
    Type: Unit-Unit (Self)
    Public Enemy Number One acts similar to Presence Concealment, but is a quite heavily modified version of it. It comes from how Capone was able to evade the law for while until he was arrested for tax evasion. When activated, Public Enemy Number One conceals Capone's presence from Good-aligned Servants. Servants who are not Good-aligned will still be able to detect him, however. Additionally, this Noble Phantasm only works while within territory secured by Demonic Defender of the State.

    Ironically, due to the fact that there are likely no Good-aligned Servants who tax workers in life, this means that Capone could get caught by tax workers again. But due to how improbable a tax worker ascending to the Throne of Heroes is, this means that this event is even more unlikely.
    Last edited by Lambda-Nu; September 6th, 2018 at 10:04 AM.

  6. #12526
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Why does he have Demonic Defender?
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so she’s ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  7. #12527
    Assassin of the Foggy Streets Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    I gave Capone Demonic Defender of the State because of how he controlled a large amount of territory in life. Admittedly, it's a flimsy excuse. I has an idea that for a Skill that protected him from ambushes derived from surviving two assassination attempts and coming out unscathed. I should have gone for that one...

  8. #12528
    1. 2. 3. 4. We are cells at work! RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Capone: Not bad, but feels a little generic overall. Especially St. Valentine's Day Massacre, which is pretty much your bog-standard "summon army" NP. I would've gone with something related to the "No one shot me" anecdote, with some Presence Concealment/Information Erasure-ish effects (though that'd probably encroach on his second NP) and maybe referencing Odysseus disguising himself as "Nobody" when he blinded the Cyclops for some extra mythical flavor. You could also have given him a unique variant of Charisma (call it Gangster's Charisma or somesuch) that specifically denotes his ability to amass a criminal organization.

  9. #12529
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    im going to do my sin sheets again, but I was wondering if anyone could send me a link to wraith so I can delete it.

  10. #12530
    el bolb Bloble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    im going to do my sin sheets again, but I was wondering if anyone could send me a link to wraith so I can delete it.
    If you're looking for a sheet and it's not in the OP, you can try the thread search feature.

  11. #12531
    1. 2. 3. 4. We are cells at work! RoydGolden's Avatar
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    It actually is in the OP, under "Uncategorized Others".

  12. #12532
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    ... Meanwhile I'm struggling to fluff-up my Lostbelt!Hitler waif.

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
    ---
    Dreams of swallow cuts.
    ---
    summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  13. #12533
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    Thx.

  14. #12534
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Capone: Besides Demonic Defender of the State being a weird choice, I'd have made Public Enemy Number One a skill instead of a NP

  15. #12535
    1. 2. 3. 4. We are cells at work! RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Someone should make an Ea-Nasir Servant as the King of Con Artists... (Of course, his natural enemy could be Gil)

  16. #12536
    死者 The Dead Noisy Heretic's Avatar
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    RIDER OF HAITI

    True Name: Toussaint Louverture
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Alternate Classes: Saber
    Gender: Female
    Likes: Haiti, hard workers
    Dislikes: Napoleon, Westerners, Laziness

    Strength: B-
    Agility: A
    Endurance: A
    Mana: E
    Luck: C+
    NP: B+

    APPEARANCE
    Toussaint Louverture manifests as a mature african woman, her skin almost as dark as the night sky and her hair was long and unkempt, and was black like raven feathers. Her left eye is covered by her hair. She wears a black french military uniform complete with a hat. For a woman she is very fit, possessing very pronounced abs and muscular hands. Though despite that her skin is still very gentle.

    PERSONALITY
    Toussaint is a very stern and cold woman, especially towards those of western descent. She hates when people over sleep or take breaks to often, scolding them for lounging around. She loves those who work and train themselves to their limit to become the person they strive to be.
    She loathes Napoleon, to the point of obsession. She hates it when people compare her to him and become enraged when people say that she secretly likes.

    HISTORY
    Toussaint descends from the royal family of Great Ardra, an ancient kingdom of west Africa, as such, she is a natural born leader. Despite this, she was born a slave of the french who had colonized the home that had once been hers. Her slavery didn't keep her from getting an education, as she had been taught by her grandfather. She was taught a lot of greek and roman philosophy as well as french history. Eventually she was granted her freedom, but she never truly felt free. Eventually, the Haitian revolution rolled around, and she did not hesitate for a second to take her part. She was given a chance to take back what was her people's, and she took it graciously. She almost instantly rose to the rank of leader and became infamous among the french army as a fearsome foe. News spread to France, eventually reaching the ears of Napoleon, who then sailed off to Haiti to face her himself. He sent her a personal letter challenging her to dual, which she gladly accepted. They faced off on the outskirts of Haiti where they met in person for the first and last time, but would vividly be remembered for the rest of their lives. Records of the battle claim it was incredible to behold as the two tore each other apart like wild animals. Eventually the battle resulted in a draw, both of them fainting from fatigue. While they would never meet in person again, they would hate one another for the rest of their lives. After the rebellion had chased France out of their land, Toussaint would become the first Haitian to rule the country, continuing to protect her country till the end of her days.

    EQUIPMENT
    Toussaint is armed with a silver curved sword named quicksilver, with a gold-covered hilt and a flintlock pistol.

    CLASS SKILLS
    Charisma B
    Riding A+

    PERSONAL SKILLS
    Blessings of Saint Domingue
    Heal all team members by a great amount.

    Blade that smites the French
    greatly Increases users NP gauge and lowers the defense of the enemy.

    Spirit of Rebellion
    Greatly increases the affects of arts cards and increases defense.

    NOBLE PHANTASM
    Liberation of Saint Domingue - Buster
    Summons the spirits of the Haitians who charge down the enemy, heavily damaging them and decreasing their attack and decreasing their NP.

    This is still a work in progress, as I am still not as a good a writer as I'd like to be, nor have I wrote a servant before. I'd appreciate helpful criticism for this piece so I may improve it in the future as well as use that criticism for my other servants.


  17. #12537
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    First of all, welcome to the club. Second, I recommend you not to use FGO-like descriptions.

  18. #12538
    死者 The Dead Noisy Heretic's Avatar
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    Yeah, I really was mainly focused on the history, personality and description of the servant. I'll probably rewrite it eventually so that it's less like FGO and her skills and NP are a lot more defined. I just wanted to get the basic idea I had for toussaint out their. Not to mention I was slowly losing interest in writing so I was kinda rushing towards the end. Thanks for the welcome though.

  19. #12539
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    That font though

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
    ---
    Dreams of swallow cuts.
    ---
    summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  20. #12540
    屍食鬼 Ghoul
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    “The value of life was something I was never able to grasp. From birth, all I saw before me was death. I could never make any distinction between it and living... of course I was unable to ascribe any particular emotion towards it. Even when people dear to me died, I was unable to grieve over them. Perhaps the rage inside of me is merely because I could not feel anger at that which I wanted to most. I see my end even now. Still… I will continue to desire. I will continue to rush forward. I shall try to live even when dead.”

    True Name: Sir Sagramore le Desirous
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Attribute: Man
    Class: Berserker

    STR: C
    CON: C
    AGI: C
    MGI: C
    LCK: D
    NP: C

    Class Skills
    Madness Enhancement: E
    The Class Skill of the Berserker class, denoting the raising of basic parameters and the strengthening of one's physical capabilities in exchange for hindering their mental capacities and removing their sense of reason. At this Rank, Berserker does not benefit from its enhancement, and retains a normal capacity to communicate. However, whenever he is angered, enters into battle, is wounded, or otherwise has his quick temper provoked, a LCK check is performed. If failed, his Madness Enhancement receives a Rank-Up to D, boosting his STR and AGI parameters. Should his rage not abate or the battle not end, a single further Rank-Up to C is possible if the LCK check is failed once more. In life, Berserker was extremely well known for being quite quick to anger, even becoming known as the Hothead. In particular, his rages upon the battlefield were recorded as comparable to the frenzies of Cu Chulainn.

    Personal Skills
    Evaporation of Sanity: C
    A Skill that denotes that one’s reasoning is disappearing, making it impossible to keep secrets and reducing any sense of restraint to nothingness. Berserker has the capacity to carelessly speak of even his own True Name and weaknesses, has a tendency to forget important information, and in particular will act with unrivaled impulsiveness. However, this Skill also serves as Instinct of a sort, allowing Berserker to find the optimal course to take on the battlefield. Berserker had a significant reputation in life as an impulsive and reckless airhead, to the extent that one of his titles is the Impetuous. In particular, Lord Tennyson's Idylls of the King ascribes to him the famous anecdote of a man so foolish that he accidentally sleeps in a maiden's bed with the maiden still in it, and who is forced to marry her as a result.

    Mort Jeaune: C
    A Skill that denotes Berserker's intimate relationship and profound familiarity with death; it is quite similar, if not comparable in level, to At the Boundary. It renders Berserker slightly resistant to the imposition of death or attributes, and also grants him a resistance to charms. From the time he was born, Berserker suffered from numerous attacks that today would be known as epileptic fits. During these fits, he would feel and see on some level his own death, and as a result was dubbed Mort Jeaune (dead youth) by Sir Kay.

    Migraine: C
    A Skill denoting a curse placed upon Berserker due to their state in life. The effectiveness of mental Skills upon him is decreased considerably as a result of this Skill. Berserker suffered frequently from headaches in life, most prominently when cooling down from a fit of anger.

    Noble Phantasm
    Desire What You Can Never Have
    Le Desirous, Rage Until You Die

    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    Range: 1
    Maximum targets: 1
    Berserker’s sole Noble Phantasm, the crystallization of his life lived upon the battlefield. It has been recorded that when fighting, Berserker “knew no limits” in battle. On the battlefield, once his blood was boiling, he was said to have fallen into frenzies comparable to the warp spasms of the famed Cu Chulainn of Ireland. In such a state, he would continue to rampage until all those before him were felled, but would also eventually cool down if circumstances permitted. After these frenzies, Berserker was plagued with hunger pangs and severe headaches, a demerit that offset the legendary fighting prowess he demonstrated. Berserker ever lived his life in accordance to his own desires and impulses, earning the title le Desirous, in addition to others such as the Impetuous, the Rash, and the Unruly. He could be called a man in control of his own madness, a fool that ignores conventionality.

    Upon activation of this Noble Phantasm, Berserker’s Madness Enhancement receives a Rank-Up to A++, stripping him of his reasoning and sending him into a frenzy. He will rage beyond human limitations, his rampage so like the legendary warp spasm that his body will contort and twist itself inhumanely in order to fulfill his desire of killing his enemies. Furthermore, due to his unique state of mind, he is still somewhat amenable to the verbal suggestions and commands of those he considers his allies, particularly his Master. Even as a madman devoid of reason, his desires ever guide him onto the path he alone wants. This Noble Phantasm can be cancelled as such, and also possesses low mana consumption, effectively allowing him to boost his fighting prowess on demand.

    However, there are drawbacks to this Noble Phantasm. After each use of this Noble Phantasm, his Migraine Skill temporarily receives a Rank-Up to A, plaguing him with severe headaches and hunger pangs that leave him combat ineffective for a short time. Furthermore, his frenzies in the long-term damage his spiritual core, drawing him closer to death with each usage of this Noble Phantasm. There is a limit of times this Noble Phantasm can be used before the end Berserker ever witnesses will come to fruition. While it may make him a deadly weapon, this Noble Phantasm must be used carefully and with its limited number of uses in mind.


    Background
    Berserker’s True Name is Sir Sagramore of the Round Table, a knight famed just as much for his fighting prowess as he was for his hotheadedness and carelessness. He was born of royal stock, the son of the King of Hungary and a daughter of the Eastern Roman Emperor Hadrian. When his father died, her mother would remarry Brandegoris of Britain, a marriage which would result in his half sister Claire. Having heard of the valiant King Arthur and his war against the Saxons, Sagramore with characteristic impulsiveness left the East Roman Empire to fight alongside him, merely fifteen years of age. As the result of his efforts, he was knighted and became one of the earlier if lesser known members of the Knights of the Round Table.

    As a knight, he would participate in numerous campaigns and adventures, particularly those that included rescuing damsels in distress. His lovers included Queen Sebile of Sarmenie and the Lady Senehaut, with whom he would have a daughter. Eventually, he entered into an accidental but happy marriage with a woman whose name history didn’t record.

    At the battle of Camlann, he remained loyal to King Arthur and was among the last of the knights to fall before Sir Mordred.

    Character
    Likes: Knightly virtues
    Dislikes: Fighting
    Talent: Saving damsels
    Natural Enemy: Charles-Henri Sanson
    Summoned as a Servant, Sagramore is as he ever was. He is impetuous, hot headed, careless, heedless, and something of an airhead. With little regard for others, he lives in accordance with his own desires, doing whatever he feels like doing from moment to moment. Chatty and friendly, he is nonetheless painfully awkward socially due to his obliviousness and quickness to anger. He takes offense quite easily, but once the anger fades he returns to knightly cordiality as if it never happened. He certainly doesn't lack a sex drive, but his bluntness and idiocy make him more of an amusement in that regard than anything. Living life day to day, he does fun things and slacks off, works hard and helps out, forgets something important and remembers something minor… everything he does is equally part of his desires, part of his way of life. It could be said that the only restraint he places upon himself are the virtues of a knight. He holds the code of chivalry in high regard, and it is the one pillar of stability that he clings to even as he is jerked this way and that by his impulsive desires. Yet, at times, his detachment seems beyond that of a typical airhead.

    From the time he was a child, Sagramore was unable to attach proper value to his own life or that of others. Constantly seized by epileptic fits, constantly witnessing what seemed would be his own death, death became something more familiar and easily understandable than life. Life is a terribly fragile thing, something that can be extinguished in a moment, so what does it matter if it’s ended? This detachment allows Sagramore to kill without mercy or remorse, seeing the end of a life as the natural state of things, a minor act comparable to crushing a fly. Though he is unable to comprehend the evil of killing, raised to be virtuous, he follows the moral guidelines on life and death without understanding them because people smarter than him say that is what is right. He refuses to let his personality defects, his own lack of understanding, completely sway his thoughts. At the same time, he cannot comprehend why anyone would be sad about his own death, why he should preserve something as fleeting as his own life.

    It is because of this he lives without regard for his own life, and without regard for his own death. To be happy and to be angry and to be sad and to do what you want are all the luxuries of that called life and should be fully taken advantage of. Perhaps it could be said he is overcompensating in an attempt to grasp what living is. Perhaps it could be said he does not strongly think about anything, and just lives according to the feelings of the moment as a result. Yet, at the same time he feels a certain envy for those who fear death, those who get sad about death, and those who live life with purpose because of death. He feels a certain anger towards those who seem like they have the answers out of his reach. His wish for the Holy Grail is to understand the value of his life… to understand why anyone would cry for him.

    At the end of the day after all, he is an angry idiot with a head full of hot air.

    Relationships
    King Arthur
    His king. Lacking the empathy and intelligence to recognize their inhumanity and the faults of their rule, he is happily devoted to them. His loyalty was never such that it became zealous or obsessive, but it was present nonetheless, and even the ruinous end to his king's reign has no effect on his admiration of them. To be specific, he considers them a role model of knightly virtue, a pillar among pillars. A person he strives to be like, for better or worse. Their ability to control their feelings and act with restraint is in particular something he aspires to.

    Mordred
    Someone he maintains cordial if slightly awkward relations with. Prior to Camlann, their similar natures as raging knights who greatly admired King Arthur meant they got along reasonably well. Of course, that still didn't prevent Mordred from striking him down. Being how he is, he naturally doesn't blame them in the slightest for causing his death, and is even on a certain level thankful for it. This kind of creeps the treacherous knight out.

    Tristan
    His good friend. Though he thoughtlessly insulted Tristan when he first met him, his swift defeat at the Cornish knight's hands impressed him considerably, and he came to also admire Tristan as an ideal knight. That they're both quite eccentric became a further bonding point. He quite likes Tristan's poetic nature despite not even remotely understanding it.

    Claire
    His beloved little sister that he loved to dote upon... that was the case once. When Claire used enchantment to sleep with Sir Bors without his consent, he was the angriest he had ever been. He still loves her on some level, but by no means can he forgive her, not after tarnishing a knight's virtue so. He does not like to be reminded of her.

    Bors
    Awkward. He takes full responsibility for Claire's actions and blames himself deeply for them. Adding to that his resemblance to his little sister makes being even in the same room as Bors a deeply uncomfortable affair for him.

    XXX
    ... Why is it that no matter how hard he tries, he can't remember her name?

    Bond CE
    Final Conclusion
    The end I had waited so long for came to me under a blood red sky.
    So many men died before and around me.
    The battlefield was choked with corpses, and the air was heavy with the stench of decay.
    None of it perturbed me one bit, of course.
    It was the end of the kingdom I had sworn myself to, and I still couldn't feel anything about it.
    The end I had seen so many times wasn't anything dramatic.
    Honestly, it just felt like falling asleep.
    It was only a relief that it had finally happened after bothering me for so long.
    As I lay there bleeding out, I found myself thinking about XXX.
    No matter how much I told her I'd be unable to mourn her death properly, she would always brush it off.
    Her love was the warmest blanket possible.
    And now here I am, dying before her.
    I'm kind of the worst, huh?
    Ah... she will grieve for me, I suppose.
    ...
    ......
    ...........
    Man, I really am the worst.
    The thought that someone would grieve for me, who can't grieve for others...
    It almost makes me want to laugh.


    Author's Remarks
    Something of a different spin on the "cannot ascribe emotion to death" trait previously seen in Swallow and Sanson. Hope it works out thereof. I may have underpowered him considering he's a Knight of the Round Table, but he got unhorsed three times by Tristan and twice by Lancelot so this seems pretty fair.

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