「 」
If you really wished to pronounce this term, call it "Kara".
Its meaning varied depending on each individual's understanding. To put it in simple terms, it was the Spiral of Origin.
However, since the Spiral of Origin was called the Spiral of Origin, it was no longer ' '.
To properly express this term was a source of headache during the production of the drama CDs.
Localizationing stuff
かん汗ぎゅう牛じゅう充とう棟
Expresses the exceeding size of one's library.
Books are extremely many, loaded on an oxcart the ox will sweat.
At home piled to the ridgepole of the house, from this meaning.
Read out as 「Ushi ni ase shi, munagi ni mitsu.」
Source: 柳宗元「其為書,處則充棟宇,出則汗牛馬。」— Tang Dynasty
names...
are important.
Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions IThough abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.
IDK, all the stuff attributed to Yog-Sothoth kinda makes me think of the root. He's less of a "spoopy non-Euclidean alien space tentacle thing" like the other Outer Gods and the Great Old Ones and more of an "omnipresent, all-seeing, all-knowing multiversal entity".
I just tend to stay away from concepts I don't really understand.
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Since Cthulhu has a canonical existence already, best stick to the whole spirit realm thing. Or just have him think Yog-Sothoth is the root and give him a mental pollution of sorts.
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
AssassinAlignment: Chaotic Good (Nisus), Lawful Good (Euryalus)
Nisus and Euryalus
STR: C/D
END: B/E
AGI: D/A+
MAG: C/D
LUCK: E/E
NP: C
Class Skills
Presence Concealment (B-): The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. The main skill to the Assassin class. At this rank, though the Servant is capable of fully concealing themselves, taking preparations to attack would usually cause a significant reduction in rank. However, their Noble Phantasm prevents this from happening.
Personal Skills
Combination (B): A Skill that displays how much one's combat power increases when on a united front with a specific person. At this rank, no matter what sort of severe battlefield, they will be able to grasp each other’s actions with a single gaze and then take the most suitable move. Such is their synchronicity that they appear as one mind controlling two bodies. Their fighting styles cover each other naturally, with Nisus using his javelins to pin down opponents while Euryalus uses his speed to launch hit-and-run strikes on the opponents.
Sabotage (C): The talent to reduce the enemy forces in the preliminary stages, before going into battle. An expert of traps. However, the higher is the ranking of this Skill, the more one's spiritual status as a hero declines. At this rank, it is possible to reduce the enemy’s strength by around 40%. Rather than trap mastery, this skill displays the pragmatic attitude possessed primarily by Nisus: tripping an opponent during a footrace, attacking an enemy army under the cover of darkness whilst they sleep, and attacking an opponent who has taken a hostage. The mentality of one who does not care about honour on the battlefield.
Devotion (C): A skill representing an all-encompassing passion for a single individual at the expense of all others. Such is the strength of their love that they are blind to the charms of any other individual, as a result a Servant bearing this skill is immune to infatuation-based mental assaults, such as the Alluring Voice skill. Nisus and Euryalus bear this skill due to their fondness for each other, which only serves to amplify their effectiveness in combat when fighting as a team. Should one of them perish, however, the other will enter a berserk state which can only be calmed by death.
Noble Phantasms
Messapus’s Gleaming HelmHelmet that Illuminates the Dark Night
(Anti-Unit/Self, D): The shining golden crested helm that was stolen by Euryalus during his night raid. However, it would prove to be his undoing, as its glinting light alerted the enemy sentries to his presence. Wearing it provides a boost to all parameters, and it is studded with stones made of pure mana that can be discharged to give an effect similar to the prana burst skill, however putting it on seals Presence Concealment permanently and gives a luck penalty to both Nisus and Euryalus. In the presence of the helmet, all stealth related abilities, from both friend and foe, are sealed.
Darkness in LatiumSlaughter under the Starless Sky
(Anti-Army, C): The legend of the midnight raid the two soldiers undertook during the war between the Trojans and the Rutuli. With swiftness and silence, the two move throughout the battlefield under a shroud of darkness that is impossible to see through. While active, they can attack without lifting their Presence Concealment skill, allowing them to murder their way, unseen, through the enemy army. As a good portion of the Latian army was drunk or asleep at the time of the attack, this ability also carries a mental interference that induces lethargy and inebriation, though this is easy to resist, especially for Servants. The power of this ability waxes and wanes with the time of day, it is most powerful at midnight and during a new moon. As it is a Noble Phantasm that embodies stealth, it is also sealed away by the helmet.
Lore
Seems pretty dang solid. I'm actually doing an Aeneas sheet at the moment.
The Aeneid is... a piece of work.
Last edited by Bird of Hermes; October 26th, 2016 at 06:00 AM.
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Beast's Lair Discord Server For Fate Quests
Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Beast's Lair Discord Server For Fate Quests
Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
I remembered I haven't made many American servants. He's not to be taken seriously but it's one of two I have planned out of the founding fathers.
Source: x
Class: Archer (Can be summoned as the modern "Gunner")
True Name: George Washington
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Place of Origin: United States of America
Attribute: Star
Traits: Human
Armament: Musket, Sabre
STR: C
END: C
AGI: C
MGI: D
LCK: A
NP: B
Height/Weight: 187cm, 87kg
Likes: America, Ice Cream
Dislikes: Tea
Talent: Unity, Revolution
Natural Enemy: Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria
Class Skills:
- Independent Action (A) - It is possible to take action even without a Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary.
- Magic Resistance (D) - Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.
Personal Skills:
- Charisma (A) - The natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being.
- Founding Father - Superior (EX) - A skill possessed by those who founded the United States with each one possessing a variant. At this level, the servant will instantly recognise any American Heroic spirit and their Noble Phantasms who hail from or are connected to his country. The ability to match these servants in terms of power and ability is dependent on a contested luck check.
- Marksmanship (C) - A Skill representing all-round shooting techniques, which includes quick drawing and trick shooting by means of small arms. Washington can efficiently utilise rifles and small firearms regardless of era.
- Military Tactics (D) - Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilised. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Although many say he was a commanded on the terms of Genghis Khan and Napoleon, his record was decidedly less than stellar and actually rather spotty.
Noble Phantasms
Lore
Personality
Tactics
Last edited by Bird of Hermes; November 7th, 2016 at 06:17 PM.
Quest of Fate
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He's too hawt to be the Founding Father of America.
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and young
Meanwhile Edison is a lion
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
dont question it
This is just going to get us into trouble in general all the time in the future, huh.
"You can't make Dionysius' catapult into some armament he wears!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."
"The only reason you made Yukimura female is because of Haganai." "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."
"Úlfhednar aren't literal wolves!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."
Localizationing stuff
Hermes: Didn't you say ages ago that you were thinking of doing Washington but didn't know enough about him so you chose Alfred the Great instead? I guess you did some more research on him in the mean time, then. I just got back from a walk around my neighborhood, so I'll be finishing up feedback on him now.
The sheet is quite interesting overall, though there's a couple issues worth noting. First, while most of his parameters are fairly reasonable given his fame, Strength- B seems unjustified. He's a hero from relatively close to the modern era and doesn't (as far as I know) have any legendary feats of strength to speak of (don't think throwing a dollar across the Potomac counts), so I'd lower it to C or D.
Regarding his first NP... 'traversing dangerous terrain' equating to being able to reshape the landscape on a whim seems like quite the stretch, IMO. I mean, I gave a similar NP to my Vercingetorix Servant a while back but that was at least more closely tied to their use of 'natural fortifications' in history while yours just feels... shoehorned in, for lack of a better word. I'd recommend heavily tinkering with the concept or even scrapping it outright if you can't think up a more fitting one. Something involving surprise attacks or a boost in enemy territory?
The third sentence of the first paragraph also describes Washington as 'Lancer' instead of Archer (I presume a holdover from an earlier sheet?) and the sentence in general is overly long and rambling. I'd advise putting a period before 'however' to make it a little easier to read. Just a nitpick, but you said you've appreciated sentence/grammatical critiques in the past, so...
His second NP is fine. Simple, but fine. No complaints there.
His third NP is a creative one, and I like how you tied it in with lore surrounding America itself. Since he's the first President (more or less...) it makes sense to essentially equate him with the country he helped found, like Romulus and ROMA!!! (Only with less exclamation marks) The idea itself of him gaining power over time to symbolize the rise of America is sound, though the timescale involved is kind of ridiculously inflated given that most Grail Wars only last for several weeks at most. Having it as weeks would be far more practical.
You also mention that it boosts his Charisma to A but that Skill is listed as A to start with so I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Or is that value what he'd have if summoned in America? In any case, it could use some clarifying.
Whew, that ended up being some fairly in-depth commentary there! Something about your sheet really got my critic's bone tingling... In any case, the sheet as a whole wasn't bad at all, just a few little things in need of some tinkering to bring it up to grade. I got a kick out of ice-cream being listed amongst his Likes given that he really was unbelievably fond of it, reportedly even spending 200 dollars on ice-cream in one summer (and, to quote TV Tropes, this was back when 10 dollars could buy you a really fast horse...). Definitely one of the Father of America's more amusing traits, and I'm a little surprised you didn't include a nod to his sweet-tooth under Personality (or his honesty, for that matter...).
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Also, the Protection From Arrows Skill would fit Washington enormously well given all the anecdotes of him being just about impossible to hit. At one point his horse was freaking shot out from underneath him in battle and he emerged totally unscathed. Supposedly an Indian leader who fought alongside Washington described him as having protection from Heaven.
Admittedly, he has enough Skills already and some of the above is probably accounted for by his high Luck stat, but still...
Last edited by RoydGolden; October 3rd, 2016 at 08:03 PM.
Pfft, as if this is the first time a Heroic Spirit was made far more handsome/sexy/cute then their historical self ever was. Except Caesar, who ends up randomly fat for some reason.
In any case, I liked the FC. (Though it does kind of feel like an Otome game character...)
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It's not even a good precedent, since it's explicitly noted that Edison wouldn't look that way if he were summoned as a normal Heroic Spirit. (i.e Without PRESIDENTIAL POWAH!!)