Page 228 of 303 FirstFirst ... 128178218223226227228229230233238278 ... LastLast
Results 4,541 to 4,560 of 6058

Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #4541
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    RLYEH
    Posts
    434
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Class:Assassin
    True name: Death by Self, Suicide Rose
    Strength:A[not sure why it's A, but okay]
    Endurance: A+ [Again, silly. Also, missing luck. And NP.]
    Agility: A++[These high ranks also feel really wanked. Even if it is death.]
    Mana:C
    Luck: E
    NP: A++
    Class Skills:
    Presence Concealment: [to be honest, she would fit more as Avenger.

    Personal Skills:
    Fighting ability: [seriously, fix this. The description reads like how you'd describe a bad Mary Sue.]

    NP:
    Crow McCullough Death Game
    Rank: A, (anti personal): a spirit of Appalachian myth who is said to serve to death,in truth thou he is in fact one of her idols , who both serves the true death as well as her. He is able to enact the powerful death spell deaths game
    Which places the opponent it used on In reality marble were they may choose one game, if they loose no matter what kinda of defence they will die completely, not even gods hand can stop it, if successful it kills that servant completely, however even if it fails the servant won't be able to attack death for two days and all wounds inflicted on that servant are healed as well as deaths wounds upon failure.[This isn't an A-ranked NP. This is more OP than EA. It's fucking bullshit.]

    Temptation of sweet death
    Rank: A ( anti personal.): It's an abilty that compels a servant to kill themselfs and cannot be disobeyed, however if the servent as has mana resistance of A class they can avoid death but will still have to gravely injure themselves no matter what. [I don't even..... no. Just.... just no. This has no justification for its power, and completely breaks the one cardinal rule several times over, that nothing is more powerful than Gilgamesh.

    The scyth of death
    rank: A++. [Needs an Anti-something.]
    It is the scyth created from mankind a image of death, it basic abilty is to cause whatever part of a living thing and non magic I team it touches to decay and eventually die, this includes servent, however it can't kill a NP as most were never living in the first place.[The A++ NP is weaker than the A one. And also silly.]

    Background: she is not the actual death but rather one of the twelve spirits who are responsible for a certain type of death, who can on occasion take the name and power of death, she does admit that if all twelve of them were to get together they could summon the true death and thus cause the end of humanity. She was in fact a person from the time of new knowledge, a period of time not recorded by even the Mage council, and was the first human to ever commit suicide. And thus she become the 1st spirit of suicide. [There is no Mage Council. ]

    Personality: she is shown to be have an extreme intellect, and often appears to be battle harden and ready, however her eyes betray incredible sadness, likely her aches is caused by her own death and the deaths of those she caused. Her wish for the Grail is to ha never commit if suicide and for no one else to comity it ether, however she does know deep down that this wish is impossible to grant.
    [More edgy than UBW]


    Okay, in this quote, I fixed it up a little to show how a sheet with coherent format would look like. You need to rearrange the placement of parameters and skills, and clearly segregate the "fighting skill" into different ones. Plus one or two fluff skills, like Innocent Monster or Menta Pollution, would go a long way. And really, really nerf her and make her be ,ore sensible. She is seriously feeling like a Mary Sue here.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post

    It is a bit of a stretch, I'll admit. But similar stuff like that has gone here in the past (and by the criteria you're proposing some canon stuff like Nursery Rhyme would be excluded as well).
    Damn FGO. Pretty soon there won't be any standards. What next? Lore written entirely in Emoticons? Lolcatz speech? Servants who just Lions and Superheroes? An entire sheet written in pig Latin? Where does it end?!?

    XD
    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Asking for an opinion, but for my Personal Traits section for the Servants, should I make them shorter in the future? I'm worried that the large amount of info is unnecessary and can discourage viewers from reading them.

    If so, then how many "paragraphs" should be the maximum length?

    These Servant Profiles serves as examples of my "habit":

    http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2608884


    http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2607274
    The large amount of info is fine so long as it contributes to the sheet. If it feels like excess fat, and doesn't add character, mechanics, or tone, cut it out.
    Last edited by WhatShouldNotBe; February 17th, 2017 at 12:43 AM.

  2. #4542
    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Asking for an opinion, but for my Personal Traits section for the Servants, should I make them shorter in the future? I'm worried that the large amount of info is unnecessary and can discourage viewers from reading them.

    If so, then how many "paragraphs" should be the maximum length?

    These Servant Profiles serves as examples of my "habit":

    http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2608884


    http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2607274
    Now, I don't believe in there being a maximum length... ok, I do, but that would range alongside putting out a novel and calling it a sheet.

    I don't personally think that your Personal Traits section has been too long. However, if you feel that a large amount of the info is unnecessary and does not add anything substantial to your character, then perhaps you may want to simply try to focus on the important stuff and some extra flavor and be a bit more concise. So, rather than a maximum length, I'd say that you should just right what you feel is necessary for a reader to understand their character.

  3. #4543
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Pure Illusion
    Age
    49
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,104
    Quote Originally Posted by WhatShouldNotBe View Post
    Damn FGO. Pretty soon there won't be any standards. What next? Lore written entirely in Emoticons? Lolcatz speech? Servants who just Lions and Superheroes? An entire sheet written in pig Latin? Where does it end?!?
    Not to interrupt your tangent, but... I didn't even mention anyone from Grand Order? Nursery Rhyme is from Extra.

  4. #4544
    I mean... there's nothing more OC than Emiya and nobody complains about him...

  5. #4545
    Pondering for new ideas. Zh1212's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Trying to remember....
    Age
    17
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    249
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Not to interrupt your tangent, but... I didn't even mention anyone from Grand Order? Nursery Rhyme is from Extra.
    Nursery Rhyme is also featured in F/GO as a Caster Servant.

  6. #4546
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    RLYEH
    Posts
    434
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Not to interrupt your tangent, but... I didn't even mention anyone from Grand Order? Nursery Rhyme is from Extra.
    Oh. Well, she's also in FGO. My rant about the degeneracy of it all continues to be valid.
    Quote Originally Posted by zikari8 View Post
    I mean... there's nothing more OC than Emiya and nobody complains about him...
    That's because no one questions Nasu and Takeuchi lest they unleash more Seibaface.

  7. #4547
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Pure Illusion
    Age
    49
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,104
    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Nursery Rhyme is also featured in F/GO as a Caster Servant.
    Well yeah, but she's not an exclusive character. For instance, it'd be pretty silly of me to blame it on GO for having Saber be a woman, even though she's featured there as well.

  8. #4548
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    somewhere on some continent, in some random city of some merit.
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    347
    I feel I should explain the whole spirits thing, it's actually something I took from another religion couldn't name if I tried thou, but yes your right and wrong, she's essentially a random choice of twelve powerful spirits who if sommuned Ina holy grail are always summoned as death, but they are basicly teh keys tod earths cell and if any of them got together death coudk likely use them to escape, by death I mea the true death, she's Bastille like assasin from fate, she's death buts she's not, she is the first human to commit Sucide, this she is forever cursed to chase suicide server she goes, silently waiting patiently coming peaple untell tehy are nothing but a deprrsed shell ready to jump out a window or something, her abut lies aren't really taht snaked out ether, the synth could be blocked, the crow phanatsm is basicly uselss as an Actul, attack since litterly a vast Magritte of heroes would just win, as they always tend do with those kind of hints,it s basicly like saying here's riddle I doubt you'll ever solve, and becuase there a hero they'll solve, they'll just create a clever game she can't win. It's basic just a way to get a quick heal for her. Deaths sweet embrace is EX as no matter what a servent will be damaged, and it's makes since for her story, it's a crytsilzation of teh way she kills.

  9. #4549
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    RLYEH
    Posts
    434
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Well yeah, but she's not an exclusive character. For instance, it'd be pretty silly of me to blame it on GO for having Saber be a woman, even though she's featured there as well.
    We could blame them for too much Seibaface tho

  10. #4550
    :thinking: 4score7years's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Hollywood for Ugly People
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    536
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    I feel I should explain the whole spirits thing, it's actually something I took from another religion couldn't name if I tried thou, but yes your right and wrong, she's essentially a random choice of twelve powerful spirits who if sommuned Ina holy grail are always summoned as death, but they are basicly teh keys tod earths cell and if any of them got together death coudk likely use them to escape, by death I mea the true death, she's Bastille like assasin from fate, she's death buts she's not, she is the first human to commit Sucide, this she is forever cursed to chase suicide server she goes, silently waiting patiently coming peaple untell tehy are nothing but a deprrsed shell ready to jump out a window or something, her abut lies aren't really taht snaked out ether, the synth could be blocked, the crow phanatsm is basicly uselss as an Actul, attack since litterly a vast Magritte of heroes would just win, as they always tend do with those kind of hints,it s basicly like saying here's riddle I doubt you'll ever solve, and becuase there a hero they'll solve, they'll just create a clever game she can't win. It's basic just a way to get a quick heal for her. Deaths sweet embrace is EX as no matter what a servent will be damaged, and it's makes since for her story, it's a crytsilzation of teh way she kills.
    what are you even saying dude

    Quote Originally Posted by zikari8 View Post
    I mean... there's nothing more OC than Emiya and nobody complains about him...
    I feel like that's different.

  11. #4551
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    RLYEH
    Posts
    434
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Holy Smokes Batman.
    ..... a wut.

    On a different note, if any of you know much about Chinese Mythology, and in this case, Nine Turns Divine Skill, the weird technique-thing that Erlang has , could you tell me how the heck it works? I can't find a reference anywhere.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    *after deciphering the madness*
    The crow Phantasm also makes her invincible. Seriously. As long as she uses it, anyone approaching her either dies or gets saved.... but can't hurt her for two days, and she gets FULLY HEALED. Deaths Sweet Embrace is also bullshit, because the vast majority of characters don't have Magic R at such a high rank. She'd solo the Fourth War, is how broken she is. Sure, it's a crystallization, but that also doesn't explain her stupidly vague magic , the broken stat and how she's practically Hercules in terms of physical parameters!
    Last edited by WhatShouldNotBe; February 17th, 2017 at 01:40 AM.

  12. #4552
    Pondering for new ideas. Zh1212's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Trying to remember....
    Age
    17
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    249
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    I feel I should explain the whole spirits thing, it's actually something I took from another religion couldn't name if I tried thou, but yes your right and wrong, she's essentially a random choice of twelve powerful spirits who if sommuned Ina holy grail are always summoned as death, but they are basicly teh keys tod earths cell and if any of them got together death coudk likely use them to escape, by death I mea the true death, she's Bastille like assasin from fate, she's death buts she's not, she is the first human to commit Sucide, this she is forever cursed to chase suicide server she goes, silently waiting patiently coming peaple untell tehy are nothing but a deprrsed shell ready to jump out a window or something, her abut lies aren't really taht snaked out ether, the synth could be blocked, the crow phanatsm is basicly uselss as an Actul, attack since litterly a vast Magritte of heroes would just win, as they always tend do with those kind of hints,it s basicly like saying here's riddle I doubt you'll ever solve, and becuase there a hero they'll solve, they'll just create a clever game she can't win. It's basic just a way to get a quick heal for her. Deaths sweet embrace is EX as no matter what a servent will be damaged, and it's makes since for her story, it's a crytsilzation of teh way she kills.
    ...I'm sorry, what? While the explanation barely made sense, the grammar makes this near-impossible for me to read! I mean, the least you can do is to actually improve your spelling; hell, even spellchecking can already improve a lot of your writing issues.

    Just... please, I'm begging you, improve your grammar.

    (I'm sorry for sounding rude, but the lack proper grammar or even spelling really irritates me, and such low quality really doesn't make it better. The main gist is to make sure to look over your work, double-check it, then post it for everyone to see. There's always chances to improve!)
    Last edited by Zh1212; February 17th, 2017 at 02:26 AM.

  13. #4553
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Pure Illusion
    Age
    49
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,104
    venomking: Wow, the combo of simple typos, spellcheck gone awry (which I suspect is responsible for cases like "Bastille" and "Magritte") and giant block paragraphs are really making your posts nigh-incomprehensible to read at the best of times. My advice is to take a deep breath, space things out, and look for any typos before posting next time. No offense.

    Also, regarding Death or whoever she is, if you really want to go for an edgy idea for her second NP, how about making it so she injures herself and psychically forces the enemy to mimic the motion. A contested Endurance check then occurs and if she succeeds, the enemy dies and she's healed of all damage whereas if they succeed, they survive and she's stuck with the injury for the rest of battle. That, and she'd have to forge some kind of magical/blood bond with the target before invoking it, and the level of Magic Resistance needed to negate it should be B or C rather then A, which only a very small handful of Servants like Artoria and the like possess.

    What I'm trying to get at here is that something that powerful should really come with some very stringent criterion of activation. Heck, Jack pretty much has a perfect one-hit kill NP under the right conditions, but the difference is that it's balanced carefully enough that she can't just stomp anyone with it willy-nilly. Hope you appreciate this feedback.

  14. #4554
    Der Zauberlehrling Skull's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Albion
    Posts
    2,626
    Blog Entries
    5
    @RoydGolden I'd be curious to hear what you thought of my Caster Servant sheet.
    "Life is a serious battle, and you have to use the tools you are given.
    It's more important to master the cards you're holding rather than complain about the ones your opponent was dealt."

  15. #4555
    Not Your Protagonist Bird of Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    England
    Age
    20
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    1,624
    Blog Entries
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by Skull View Post
    I'd be curious to hear what you thought of my Caster Servant sheet.
    I figured as one of the regulars here, I'd weigh in.

    I gotta say that I liked it. There are already a few writer casters in canon but only Mozart to represent music which is a shame. The sheet is pretty solid and the nod to Jojo in the NP was certainly appreciated.

    I would look forward to more of your work if you made more sheets here.

  16. #4556
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Pure Illusion
    Age
    49
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,104
    Quote Originally Posted by Skull View Post
    @RoydGolden I'd be curious to hear what you thought of my Caster Servant sheet.
    Yeah, he's pretty good. Never seen the show, but I could definitely see the nods to ClassicaLoid, not least the FC. Personality is fleshed out and his NP is creatively done, since it's always tricky to find an interesting take on the musical-style NP that just about any composer would have. Referencing the Golden Ratio and the like definitely helped set it apart, flavor-wise.

    Out of curiosity, how'd ya think he'd get along with my own Beethoven?

  17. #4557
    Der Zauberlehrling Skull's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Albion
    Posts
    2,626
    Blog Entries
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Out of curiosity, how'd ya think he'd get along with my own Beethoven?
    Actually, your Beethoven isn't far away from how he is portrayed in ClassicaLoid. I'd seriously recommend it for any fans of Classical music.
    Spoiler:


    But as to how they'd get along, pretty poorly I'd imagine. Bach is a serious soul who dislikes showmanship and the like.
    "Life is a serious battle, and you have to use the tools you are given.
    It's more important to master the cards you're holding rather than complain about the ones your opponent was dealt."

  18. #4558
    Κύρια Ἐλέησον Seika's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Perilous Hall
    Age
    23
    Posts
    12,262
    Friend Code
    000000000
    Blog Entries
    44
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Grammar mainly, also I'd like to add, that part of the reason I don't do a whole lots of information on my charachters I make up is with the idea of people making fanfiction of them in mind, I create just enough info to allow you to have a basic understanding of and what she is, but I feel deeply that it is more interested for fan fiction righter to fill in her larger story them selves there not tied to just one basic storyline for her, I give you the tool for her, but the story of her is up to you, think about the amazing ideas you can come up with, when my character when my charachter is supposed to be the first person to ever commit suicide, cursed to cause people to commit the horrible act against her own wishes, and eventually she will be responsible for the end of life, is that not a good backstory? Perfectos to that peaple can create their own histrionics ro her, and have enough pf a sad backstory all adybtherebto make peaple ahve sympathy and grow onto her as a charachter.
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    I feel I should explain the whole spirits thing, it's actually something I took from another religion couldn't name if I tried thou, but yes your right and wrong, she's essentially a random choice of twelve powerful spirits who if sommuned Ina holy grail are always summoned as death, but they are basicly teh keys tod earths cell and if any of them got together death coudk likely use them to escape, by death I mea the true death, she's Bastille like assasin from fate, she's death buts she's not, she is the first human to commit Sucide, this she is forever cursed to chase suicide server she goes, silently waiting patiently coming peaple untell tehy are nothing but a deprrsed shell ready to jump out a window or something, her abut lies aren't really taht snaked out ether, the synth could be blocked, the crow phanatsm is basicly uselss as an Actul, attack since litterly a vast Magritte of heroes would just win, as they always tend do with those kind of hints,it s basicly like saying here's riddle I doubt you'll ever solve, and becuase there a hero they'll solve, they'll just create a clever game she can't win. It's basic just a way to get a quick heal for her. Deaths sweet embrace is EX as no matter what a servent will be damaged, and it's makes since for her story, it's a crytsilzation of teh way she kills.
    Look, the Servant sheet was objectively bad and full of your usual language problems, but I honestly willing to give it a bit of a pass, because it's not actually our job to police C-a-S sheet quality (or most people in this thread would be banned) and the English was at least better than before. You seemed to have begun to make an effort.

    Then you came out with these posts and, I'm sorry, but we have repeatedly told you to write posts that other people can actually read and engage with. To not do so is fundamentally a demonstration of disrespect toward the rest of the forum. We have plenty of ESL people, phone-posters, and so on who manage to do better than this; your single excuse so far has been to blame a malfunctioning autocorrect which you allegedly turned off without any improvement in the standard of your English. That much won't do. It's glib and unacceptable.

    This is a strike on your record.
    Beast's Lair: Useful Notes
    (Lightweight | PDF)
    Updated 01/01/15

    If posts are off-topic, trolling, terrible or offensive, please allow me to do my job. Reporting keeps your forum healthy.
    Seika moderates: modly clarifications, explanations, Q&A, and the British conspiracy to de-codify BL's constitution.

    Democracy on Beast's Lair

  19. #4559
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Pure Illusion
    Age
    49
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,104
    Servant Assassin:

    True Name: Cain 'The First Murderer'

    Alignment: Chaotic "Evil" (closer to Chaotic Good in truth)

    Alternate Class: Berserker

    Strength- C+
    Agility- E
    Endurance- D
    Mana- A
    Luck- E
    NP- EX

    Appearance:

    By Corialicetale on DeviantART

    Personality: A cold and aloof man, tormented by guilt over his past actions. Though his role as the first murderer has made Assassin's name synonymous with wickedness itself, his true character is far more complex then such base impressions. His nature is not a bloodstained demon who rejoices in carnage, but a young man born in an age too innocent to understand the terrible finality of death, whose single act of impulsive anger stole away everything that he held dear.

    He grieves his younger sister Abel deeply and would do anything in the faintest hopes of bringing her back and undoing his most grievous sin. At heart, Assassin despises himself for his actions and does not have any qualms over how history has twisted him into a monster, saying such a portrayal is only deserved for one as rotten as he.

    Though he puts on an amoral front, describing himself as the kind of person who wouldn't risk his life for his fellow man, Assassin is ultimately a kind and caring individual who will put everything on the line for a chance to atone.

    Being a quintessential angsty bad-boy with a heart of gold, Assassin is excellent at attracting unwanted female attention wherever he goes. Given his gruff personality he pays no mind to any of his admirers, but of course that just encourages them even more. Ah, the whimsy of the female heart~

    He also holds a soft spot for girls who remind him of his sister, with golden hair and emerald green eyes, including a certain King of Knights incidentally.

    If summoned alongside Abel in her distorted state, Assassin will express revulsion and horror over what his once pure and innocent sister has become. And of course, even more guilt for having shaped her into such a monster. He will first try to "save her" from herself no matter the cost, and if all else fails insure that he is the only one to kill her once more and put her out of her misery.

    Likes: solitude, Abel
    Dislikes: himself, death, anything that reminds him of Abel
    Talents: tilling the earth, murder
    Natural Enemy: little sister


    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment- N/A
    Measures the ability to cut off one's presence as a Heroic Spirit. However, the efficacy of this Skill drops sharply the moment one prepares to attack.

    Despite being what can be considered the first and foremost "assassin" in human history, Cain does not possess this Skill due to having committed his single murder with the full trust of his victim and without any need to disguise his presence.

    Instead, Assassin's ability to suppress his murderous intentions before striking has been sublimated into an altogether different Skill.


    Personal Skills:

    Suppression- A++
    A natural talent to suppress one's killing intent. At this rank, even the strongest murderous intention from Assassin is effectively impossible to discern until the very moment where he attacks- upon which it is very likely too late.

    Assassin's possession of this Skill reflects how his first and only murder was committed against one who knew and trusted him more then anyone. Even as he lured Abel to the wilderness to kill her, she never harbored even a single doubt to her brother's intentions until the very moment the dagger pierced her heart.

    Eternal Wanderer- A
    Nature of one cursed to forever wander the earth. A composite including Independent Action and Nature Of A Rebellious Spirit at the same rank, while also imposing a curse of famine upon Assassin's surroundings. His very presence depletes magical energy from the natural world. Plantlife withers to nothing around him and the soil beneath his feet becomes dry and barren, incapable of bearing life.

    For the horrendous act of slaying his own sister, Assassin was doomed by God to travel the earth as a fugitive and vagabond with no rightful dwelling to call his own. The very earth which opened its maw to accept his sister's blood then forever after refused to yield to his labor, a perpetual reminder of his sin.

    Aptitude For Slaughter (All)- A+++
    A Skill qualifying one's aptitude for killing, expressed through various means. In this case, it conceptualizes Assassin's supreme authority as mankind's first murderer. Due to the principle by which originals exceed imitations, Assassin boasts uncontested mastery over all forms and methods of bloodshed.

    Assassin's proficiency for murder is unconstrained by any particular weapon, tool or technique. Any object in his hands that can be even remotely conceptualized as a "murder weapon" is automatically reshaped into its ideal form for killing. Pens, umbrellas, kitchen utensils, lawnmower blades and even pieces of scenery; all become deadly weapons made to claim the lives of human beings in Assassin's hands. While such tools remain below the level of true Noble Phantasms, differing from the similar ability possessed by a certain Knight Of The Round Table, they receive a potent Anti-Human attribute which greatly increases damage dealt.

    This Anti-Human attribute is also applied even when Assassin fights barehanded. As the first murderer, the mark of killing is engraved even into his very flesh.

    As his sister's murder is a deed Assassin feels nothing but shame for, he regards this Skill as a curse and bitter reminder of the sin he despises himself for. Rather then a blessing, he embraces it as something akin to self-flagellation.

    In the Berserker Class, this would manifest as the "ultimate slasher Skill" which allows him to bring forth an unending array of gory deaths through just about any means imaginable. Such debauched creativity from the pioneer of murder would surely make even the most diabolical of horror movie villains blush. However, since the Assassin which most closely exemplifies his true character in life is disgusted by his macabre "talent" and utterly refuses to utilize it to its fullest potential, such applications of this Skill have been mostly sealed.

    Natural Body- E
    Possession of a (once) flawless human body from birth. At this rank, Strength is merely given a + modifier.

    Alongside his sister, Assassin was one of the first humans descended directly from Adam and Eve, boasting a physique unblemished by the faults of modern humanity.

    However, the curse placed upon him for killing Abel has led to his rank in this Skill declining nearly to nonexistence.

    Eye Of The Mind (False)- D+
    Resistance to changes of visibility caused by visual interferences. Also called the sixth sense, or prescience; an innate talent to sense danger.

    Assassin's legendary ties to bloodshed and killing have granted him a limited ability to sense hostile intent from others and react accordingly. While it is only a low rank due to not being a sense he ever refined in life, it nonetheless is enough to allow him to fight evenly with some Servants despite his rather low stats.


    Noble Phantasms:


    Resith Ra'tsach- For Cain Took His Sister To The Field And Slew Her (D/A, Anti-Unit): A Noble Phantasm crystallizing the most infamous and defining moment in Assassin's legend, the jealousy-driven murder of his sister Abel. Taking shape as the very ritual dagger that she'd used for animal sacrifices- and the same one that he'd plunged into her heart- participation in the primordial act of killing has left the originally humble tool irrevocably tainted with evil.

    It now appears as a wildly jagged and blood-red dagger, seeming as if to pulse with murderous intent once drawn. Invoked by Assassin's reaching into his own chest and spiritually drawing it out, it is a rotten and dreadful weapon incarnating the concept of "murder" or "wrongful killing". In basic combat it merely displays the properties of an ordinary dagger raised to phantasmic tier, strong enough to intercept attacks from other Heroic Spirits but otherwise unexceptional in every way except appearance. However, three criteria must be fulfilled before this Noble Phantasm's true power manifests, in effect reenacting the conditions behind Assassin's murder of Abel.

    These are- the target must have a Good alignment (which may or may not imply being actually a good person, see Gilgamesh), the target must trust Assassin at the time of attack and the strike itself must be performed dishonorably (i.e without declaring a proper duel beforehand). When these three criteria are met and the dagger pierces the opponent's body, it foists the concept of "wrongful death" upon the foe directly for a certain kill bypassing all forms of defense.

    A disdainful Noble Phantasm perfect for the Assassin Class, which specializes in sneak attacks and subterfuge. However, as this Noble Phantasm reminds Assassin of his deep guilt over the death of his sister, he refuses to even draw out the weapon under most circumstances. Only if forced by a Command Seal or absolutely necessary for victory will Assassin even consider utilizing this vile trump card.


    Charagma Kayin- Sevenfold He Will Be Avenged (EX, Support): A Noble Phantasm representing the mark placed upon Cain as punishment for killing Abel, forcing him to wander the earth lost and listless for the rest of his life. Not even death could end his suffering, for the presence of the mark insured that any who killed him would receive their own harm sevenfold and he, be revived without harm.

    This "mark" takes the form of an intricate pattern of blood-red runic markings etched across Assassin's entire body from head to toe. A passive Noble Phantasm that activates only when Assassin receives a mortal blow. When this happens, the runes across Assassin's body will glow deeply as any and all damage from the attack is amplified sevenfold and reflected back at the opponent, leaving Assassin himself totally unscathed in the aftermath. A faultless conceptual defense and counter-attack tied up in a single package. What is deflected on the opponent is not physical injuries but "damage" in the abstract, usually translating to internal damage to organs and the like.

    As a curse of retribution directly from the Hebrew God, its effects bypass Magic Resistance or protection from curses at any rank and cannot be evaded. However, this Noble Phantasm actualizes only when faced with a "lethal" attack, defined as one sure to end his life unless it activates. It does nothing regarding ordinary damage accrued over the course of battle until it crosses the threshold of "lethality".

    Though seemingly an infallible ability which renders killing Assassin an impossible objective, there are in fact several ways a clever opponent may bypass this Noble Phantasm. Firstly and most obvious is simply to kill his Master and wait for him to fade away without a supply of magical energy. (However, given his high rank in the Independent Action Skill this might just be a long wait)

    Secondly is to somehow trick Assassin into dealing a fatal blow on himself. In a case where "Assassin's killer" and "Assassin himself" are synonymous, the resultant curse will merely amplify Assassin's own injuries sevenfold and reflect them back to him.

    The last(?) and most difficult means of bypassing this Noble Phantasm is to take advantage of how it activates only against a "lethal" attack. As such, it won't invoke in a case where Assassin dies but no one particular attack can be said to have decisively "killed him". If the opponent were to inflict countless grazing blows each one wearing away very slightly at his life-force, then Assassin will eventually perish without any singular "mortal blow" to trigger this Noble Phantasm.

    The way this works is akin to the firing squad paradox in the philosophy of causality. The hail of bullets surely causes the victim's death in spite of the fact that no individual bullet bears essential responsibility.


    Key Words/Craft Essences


    The First Murder
    "I remember blacking out, and the first thing I saw coming to was red.

    The blood of my beloved sister staining her white dress and soaking into the ground.
    Next was the pained expression on her face as she stared up at me, lips twisted into a single question that pierced my heart more cruelly then any knife.


    'Why, big brother? Why?'

    No answer escaped my lips, only a faint wretch of horror.
    The sound of the ritual dagger I'd used in the act clattering to the earth echoed distantly in my awareness, senses numb from shock.
    The blood from the knife soaked through my fingers, dying them red as well.

    'A-Abel!'

    My voice broke into a panicked sob as I reached my hands out to clasp my sister's hand.
    But by the time I'd grasped it, it already hung limp and lifeless.
    The spark of joy and energy in her eyes faded, leaving only empty green orbs.

    The knowledge of what I'd done fell upon me instantly.
    I'd killed someone.
    Taken a life irrevocably from this world, with only an empty, broken carcass remaining behind as if in mockery.
    And not just anyone, but my own sister, the person I cherished more then anything else in the world. All by the act of a jealousy-driven fool.

    ...J-just what kind of monster had I become?"


    Halcyon Days Of Innocence
    "If you were around, I wonder if you'd still remember, little sister.

    The days we shared, laughing innocently and playing together as if the world were really as sweet and gentle a place as we'd always thought it was.
    ...Those times really were great, huh?
    If I could, know that I'd give anything just to relive those days by your side again, Abel.
    To see your smiling face once more, even if only for a fleeting instant.

    But what is lost can never be regained.
    The innocent bliss we'd indulged in had shattered irrevocably in that single moment.
    I, who was cursed to walk the earth in penance, can never again return to that garden of peace, just as a butterfly has discarded its chrysalis.


    ...Even so, I remember the color of that sky as clearly as if it were only yesterday."



    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So, I redid my old Cain sheet like I'd been talking about. His newly added Key Words/Craft Essence section is if anything even more edgy/"chuuni" then with Abel, but now that I've decided on a theme no sense in not going whole-hog with it, I suppose. Besides, it does fit the legend.

    As always, be sure to drop by with comments and criticisms! Thanks.
    Last edited by RoydGolden; February 17th, 2017 at 11:36 PM. Reason: Sourced FC (kind of)

  20. #4560
    Pondering for new ideas. Zh1212's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Trying to remember....
    Age
    17
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    249
    Blog Entries
    1
    Wow, the revision of Cain came out much faster than I thought. And while the first Key Words/Craft Essence was definitely 'Chunni,' the second one was somewhat of a tearjerker. The NPs were well-done, keeping their powerful potentials in check with specific prerequisites and loopholes. Overall, the update was definitely an improvement over the older version.

    (Looking through the profile makes me think of a Cain Lily idea, where it's before he committed the First Murder, was just simply an aloof, hard-working "Big-Bro" who is absurdly good at taking care of crops. Probably lancer due to using a hoe to farm...)
    Last edited by Zh1212; February 17th, 2017 at 01:55 PM.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •