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Thread: My Little Carnival Phantasm Can't be This Cute!

  1. #21
    We Want to Protect that Head OverMaster's Avatar
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    It's something revealed in Grand Order, that Artoria hates potatoes because they were all Gawain could cook, and he was terrible at it.

  2. #22
    Fuckin' chicken grill!!! Kotonoha's Avatar
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    Well it was in CCC first.

  3. #23
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    That he was an awful cook, yes, but I don't think that game revealed Artoria herself also hated his cooking.

    Although we should have guessed it anyway, on the grounds Artoria isn't insane.

    Well, not usually anyway.

  4. #24
    Taiga's knight Tobias's Avatar
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    Tangentially related, one of the reasons saber likes shirou's well organized meals is that she got real tired of trail rations in life.

    shirou flinches when saber tries to sweet talk him into making something elegant and says something about how a king probably ate better then he could ever do. Then she starts grumbling about her standard meal was meat toasted over a fire, and she hardly ever ate anything civilized

    EDIT: this is from HA
    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    The moment the opportunity arises for a pun, the one known as 'Taiga's Knight' will be there to deliver whether you like it or not.

  5. #25
    Taiga's knight Tobias's Avatar
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    Also, in HA, saber fucking loves the roasted potatoes, so it's probably more like she hates gawains. Or at least like shirous
    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    The moment the opportunity arises for a pun, the one known as 'Taiga's Knight' will be there to deliver whether you like it or not.

  6. #26
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    In Your Dreams!

    "Last night I dreamed of Master's childhood," Tamamo proudly shared over breakfast. "He was the cutest child ever, hee hee!"

    "Big deal," EMIYA Alter commented cynically from the other side of the table, an arm carelessly slung over the back of his chair. "As if the rest of us haven't already, too."

    "Yes, I can't imagine anyone ever having a blander and more boring childhood and youth than his," Carmilla sneered while elegantly sipping her fine red wine. At least, we vainly hope it was wine. "Truly, he never actually lived until he met us."

    "At the very least, it makes for a relaxing enough experience I never have any problems sleeping when I dream of that," Martha smiled.

    "Oh!" Passionlip blinked a few times then. "Now I think about it, that, that means Master dreams about OUR pasts as well, doesn't he?"

    The gathered Chaldea Servants looked at Gudao, who sat in silence with very wide, fixed open eyes, twitching occasionally and sporting the blankly terrified expression of someone who has spent weeks alternating between jarring nightmares and long spells of insomnia. Every so often, he would glance at the Bathorys, Jack, Vlad, Gilles or Kiara and then whimper softly to himself, his mouth's corners spasming briefly.

    "Yes," Artoria stoically answered Passionlip's question. "Indeed, he does."

  7. #27
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    Anything But That!

    "Okay, you win, I'll admit it!" Gudao said, as Medb advanced lasciviously on him, grinning in triumph. "I do have a sexual fantasy I'd really like to see fulfilled someday!"

    "Then tell me about it, Master," the Rider purred, closing on him and seizing her chance to finally take this innocent's troubling, oh so challenging purity. "And I'll make it come true, no matter how shameful or filthy it is...!"

    "W-Well," he rasped, looking aside and blushing. "Maybe you'll just laugh about it..."

    "Oh, no, I certainly won't!"

    "Yeah, you might, it's just that silly," he sighed. "I'd like to have a woman on my bed, completely naked..."

    "No problems at all there!"

    "... only covered by a thick, enticing, fragant layer, all over her skin..."

    "Yes...?"

    "... of melted cheese!" Gudao finally admitted, closing his eyes im embarrassment.

    Medb's, instead, almost popped out of her skull.

    "I mean," Gudao said, "I'd heard of women who cover themselves on chocolate and such from Blackbeard, but I really like cheese a whole lot, so while I know that's a perverted, kinda creepy thing to think about, I couldn't help-- Rider?"

    He looked, dumbfounded, at the now open room of his bedroom while listening to Rider's howl of fierce frustration coming from down the hall.

  8. #28
    Oh god, I see where this is going... Draconic's Avatar
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    This last one was definitely your best. Though I think it would be funnier if it ended off with "whoa, that was way too close."

    I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this wasn't inspired in part by The Things You Hear, by any chance, was it?
    probably just hubris on my part.
    Stop trying to eat me!

    I joined two years too late...
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    That makes me think of Rin as a loan shark.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Admittedly, she'd probably be the hottest loan shark you'll ever meet. She'd probably make you smile as she sucked you dry.


    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Techlet View Post
    Not with that attitude.

  9. #29
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    Actually, no, it wasn't-- sorry? I've just realized I don't read all that much Fate Fanfiction, all things considered.

  10. #30
    Oh god, I see where this is going... Draconic's Avatar
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    No, it's totally fine, it just kind of reminded me of my own piece. No problems here if you had a similar idea and made a quick skit out of it.
    Stop trying to eat me!

    I joined two years too late...
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    That makes me think of Rin as a loan shark.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Admittedly, she'd probably be the hottest loan shark you'll ever meet. She'd probably make you smile as she sucked you dry.


    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Techlet View Post
    Not with that attitude.

  11. #31
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    Thank you.

  12. #32
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    Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

    Berserker.

    "Coming alone?" Illya laughed at Saber's question. At first her laugh was a girlish, innocent giggle, but quickly rose into an increasingly deranged, harshly adult cackle, as the air around her began crackling with a strange power that made Saber's skin crawl. "Why, of course not, Saber! My Servant is right here! It comes for me, at my beck and call, as you will see... right now!"

    Shirou frowned. "Look, I don't want to fight you, are you sure this is really necessary? I think we can settle this like rational people if we only--"

    "But my Servant is not rational, and I don't want to be either!" Illya smiled cruelly, slamming her hands together. "You could say we... hunger for your blood just that much, 'Onii-chan'! Berserker! Come forth and raze this town!!"

    Now even Shirou could feel it, and soon saw it too, as it materialized behind Illyasviel, rising to the skies like a huge, blasphemous thing that spun around, quickly pulling everything around it towards its quickly rotating, chomping and savage core. It challenged imagination; it was a grotesque display out of a madman's feverish imagination. It was full of huge, bloody, gaping jaws filled with sharp, enormous teeth everywhere. It was a force of nature embodied as a primal animal god's rage, submitted to Illyasviel's will.

    It was... a giant tornado made of sharks already bringing Fuyuki City into itself. Citizens everywhere screamed, suddenly flung from the streets and their houses and into the large waiting mouths, crying nonsense about gas leaks. The senses shattering sight made even Saber's steel resolve falter, her eyes widening at the impossible sight. "Shirou!" she gasped. "What... What is that abomination against God?!"

    Shirou pointed out and yelled in terror. "SHARKNADO!!"

    And so Fuyuki City was fully destroyed that night by a force superior to any fire. Just because no one in the stupid burg had a freaking chainsaw, damn it.

    ---

    Because tonight I watched Sharknado 5 and SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK.

  13. #33
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Okay, that's freaking awesome.

    I watched Sharknado 5 with my dad a few weeks ago and seriously considered writing up a Finn Shepherd sheet afterwards (with the sanctified chainsaw he got from the Pope as an NP). So seeing this definitely got a chuckle out of me.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Though I'd think Gate of Babylon at the very least would have a prototypical shark-slaying chainsaw stashed somewhere in it...

    Then again, Gil probably took one good look at the Sharknado forming and thought "I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole". Because seriously, the king's got to have some dignity.

  14. #34
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    Elevator Action.

    Scheherezade sighed as she walked into the elevator, then waited for its door to close.

    As it went up, the Caster couldn't help shuddering. Elevator rides still gave her a terribly bad feeling, both because of the mere sensation of being trapped and because she was going up in what she feared could become a technological dropping coffin at any given time. But then, she had grown to accept them as a necessary evil after Da Vinci spoke to her on the subject.

    "Actually, here in Chaldea it's safer taking the elevator than going up or down the stairs."

    "Are you serious?"

    "Yes, I am! The most dangerous and rambunctious Servants prefer taking the stairs. It's easier to start duels at a flight of stairs, and some of the biggest ones, like Heracles, just won't fit into the Elevator. So overall, I would say there is a far bigger chance of getting caught as collateral damage in the stairs than in an elevator."

    "I see... Thank you very much, then. That information might just have saved my life!"

    "There is only one thing you must be wary of," the other Caster warned. "If 'that person who dies a lot' gets in the same elevator as you, well... I wouldn't want to think about it. But no, he's one of the most active Servants, of course he'd never be caught dead taking the elevator!" Da Vinci laughed lightly, even though Scheherezade only could shudder at the carefree act of taking death in jest.

    It had worked fine for her so far, anyway. Scheherezade allowed herself a smile under the veil, she almost had reached her destination, only one more floor and--

    Then the door went open, and to her horror, the last person she had wanted to see now stepped in.

    "Shhhh!" the Lancer, Cu Chulainn, hushed her as he pressed the button and closed the door. "That bothersome woman is going down the stairs, and we'd have walked into each other, but luckily I saw her in time! This won't take any long, I'm just going two more stories u--"

    Then the elevator suddenly plummeted in a trailing blaze of gigantic flames as Scheherezade screamed in mad panic.

    From the stairs, Medb blinked, thinking she had heard something, and looked aside. Paying attention, she thought she heard some commotion from the lower levels, but she figured it didn't concern her. Besides, she had far better things to do right now.

    With a perverse smile, she finally reached the door of Fergus' quarters, rang on it, and was quick and eagerly pulled in as she laughed.

    The door clicked closed behind her.
    Last edited by OverMaster; August 30th, 2017 at 09:05 PM.

  15. #35
    A mecha-loving Shotacon who plays children's card games naschyamamoto's Avatar
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    ...every time, Lancer suffers.

    But it did make me laugh, so I'll let it slide this time.

    (Nice work!)


    Quote Originally Posted by Elf View Post
    There was contributing. And suggestions and . . . okay a bunch of people demanding me to write this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aiden View Post
    Well yeah, that last one always happens.

  16. #36
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    Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

    Assassin
    .

    "What's so interesting?" asked Mashu as she approached EMIYA, Kiyohime, Kuro and Tamamo, all of whom sat discreetly hidden under some thick bushes in the Chaldea recreation facilities, apparently spying on someone else.

    Kiyohime sniffed grandly. "Isn't the triumph of True Love always the most interesting of all things? Behold, Shielder! That way, romance once again finds its ultimate crystallization!"

    Mashu blinked, then looked in the direction Kiyohime was pointing at with her folded fan. Adjusting her glasses, more out of habit than any actual need, she recognized the two figures sitting on the bench across the park, holding hands. "Assassin and Caster from Fuyuki!"

    "Yes!" Tamamo sniffed as well, very moved. "Isn't that just gorgeous? We always knew they were fated to be together! It was meant to be!"

    "And the best part of it all, it keeps Caster-san definitely away from my Anchin-sama!" Kiyohime gushed in glee.

    "Ah-ha-ha! From my Goshujin-sama, you mean!"

    "Tee-hee-hee! I know what I said, Tamamo-chan!"

    "Eh he he! Then you know you've made a serious mistake, don't you, Kiyo-chan?"

    Trying his best to ignore them as the tensions between them grew exponentially, the Counter Guardian allowed himself a small smile. "They're good for each other..."

    "You can say that again...!" Kuro laughed, rubbing herself on a cheek and giddily shifting in place. "Mama and Papa forever, no matter what, no matter where, and no matter even when!"

    Then, however, Ritsuka walked into sight, followed by a slim and beautiful, albeit slightly androgynous looking, young woman in a black suit, with short black hair. "Oh, hey, Caster, Assassin!" the Master easily greeted them. "Say, I haven't introduced you yet to the newest Servant, right? This is Assassin, and I was showing her the place around..."

    "..." the male Archer said, as his face quickly dropped its smile and settled for a disjointed expression of disgust.

    "... I don't know why, but this isn't good, no good at all, no..." Kuro decided, her tone betraying the same kind of visceral disappointment.

    "Eh?" Mashu asked. "What do you mean, why are you jumping to conclusions that quickly? What's so wrong about Assassin-san now?"

    "... you'll understand when you're older," Kiyohime groaned, while she and a similarly baffled Tamamo stared bluntly at the sudden silent tension quickly growing between the two Servants who now looked intensely into each other's cold eyes...

    Assassin of Fuyuki wisely chose that moment to disappear.

  17. #37
    Hmm...Maiya?

  18. #38
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    Servants who Never should be Summoned.

    Berserker.

    Gilgamesh grinned wickedly at the tiny literal white mongrel blocking his way to the mistress of the castle. In return, the pathetic, bloated creature looked up at him with those large sad eyes, but now there was something different in them. Something that Gilgamesh, in his arrogance, did not stop to consider for a second. But it still was there.

    "You know what?" asked the mongrel of the would-be killer of his small Master and invader of her home, with that deeply dry, depressing voice of his. "Now you've made me mad."

    And then Gilgamesh truly understood, much to his ever lasting regret, the true meaning of the word 'Berserker'.

  19. #39
    A mecha-loving Shotacon who plays children's card games naschyamamoto's Avatar
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    I am definitely missing something. Who's the Berserker here?


    Quote Originally Posted by Elf View Post
    There was contributing. And suggestions and . . . okay a bunch of people demanding me to write this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aiden View Post
    Well yeah, that last one always happens.

  20. #40
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    You don't know Droopy?

    ---

    Servants who Never Should be Summoned
    .

    Avenger
    .

    The Einzbern representative for the Third War looked up at the hulking figure that had just appeared, towering over the summoning circle in all its inhuman, larger than life sinister glory. "Who are you?"

    The Servant spoke in a strong, deep, menacing voice, like a shadow falling over the whole surroundings. "Elohim, Pushan, Ra - I've been called many names over many lifetimes. I am born of death. I was there to spark and fan the flame of man's awakening, to spin the wheel of civilization. And when the forest would grow rank and needed clearing for new growth, I was there to set it ablaze!"

    He tightened a humongous fist and proclaimed, sending actual dread into Einzbern's hardened heart. "The old world passes away. Together, we shall forge a new one, in fire and blood. The future is transformed. I am the instrument to purify the world, the evil of mundanes and Magi must be cut away! You shall help me, tear down the old order! Those who oppose me shall perish, through my agents of destruction!"

    He lurched ahead, gesturing with both hands as if to provoke the whole of creation itself, bellowing defiantly. "I am Avenger! I am Apocalypse! APOCALYPSE! Look upon the future, AND TREMBLE! I am the rocks of the eternal shore. Crash against me and be broken!!"

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