My Little Carnival Phantasm Can't be This Cute!

[OverMaster]

Not an Oreimo crossover. Well, it might include one someday. Who knows. This is just a dumping ground for any kind of insane *and* inane snippet ideas I may have.

One Average Week At Type-Moon.

Monday:

Arcueid peeked into Nasu's office. "Boss, Tsukihime Grand Order when?"

"Ah ha ha ha ha... No."

—-

Tuesday:

Shiki peeked into Nasu's office. "Sir? Tsukihime Grand Order when?"

"Eh heh heh heh... funny guy, but nope."

—-

Wednesday:

Ciel peeked into Nasu's office. "Nasu-sama, Tsukihime Grand Order when?"

"No."

—-

Thursday:

Akiha peeked into Nasu's office. "Nasu-sama, about my suggestions for the Tsukihime Grand Order Project..."

"Out."

—-

Friday:

Kohaku peeked into Nasu's office, Hisui silently hanging behind her. "Nasu-sama, Sir? Akiha-sama sent us to remind you of her proposals for the Tsu—"

"I'm calling security now."

"We're gone," and she quietly closed the door back.

—-

Saturday:

Akihito peeked into Nasu's office. "Hey, old man! So, what about that Tsukihime Grand Order thing now, huh?"

"Who the hell are you?"

—-

Sunday:

Satsuki gulped, then peeked into Nasu's office. "N-Nasu-sama? I was, I was wondering, about Tsukihime Grand Order, and..."

The janitor stopped brooming the floor and gave her a curious look.

She sighed. "Oh, right." And she walked away.

[Draconic]

Continue?
Please insert $0.25

*Inserts a million quarters.*

In all seriousness though, while there isn't very much art to this, I did laugh, and I want to see more. Very eager to see if you have any other sketch ideas.

Also, welcome to Beast's Lair!

[walrus]

Akihito

Should be Arihiko instead, right?

Anyway, thanks for posting something related to Tsukihime. If only Rebirth came out soon...

[In-N-Out Double-Double & Animal Fries]

This thread was made for me

[Draconic]

It is safe to assume as much.

[Kratosirving]

Heheh, that short snippet reminds me of the few I did several years back.

High School Servants. Ahh, fun times~

[OverMaster]

Thank you guys! I was a bit worried about the reception...

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

---

Assassin.

"So, is this Assassin, or not?" the frustrated Rin asked her new Servant.

"I'm not sure," Saber said, looking at the small, humble looking man, who hardly looked like an epic Legendary Spirit. "Part of me feels like he's a Servant, but I'm not sure. It's rather confusing. Archer?"

"I feel the same as you," Archer frowned, rubbing his jaw in contemplation. "But I think it had to be him who shot Emiya."

"That's bull and you know it!" Lancer accused, even though inwardly he was happy he hadn't died for a change. "He couldn't have shot the lad, the angle was all wrong! Admit it, it was you! You hated him, and you had a perfect copy of this guy's gun!"

"It wasn't me!" Archer retorted. "You idiot, I'd have admitted it gladly, had it been me! If you want someone who hides their hand like that, ask the witch! It's just like her to summon Assassins to do her dirty work for her!"

"It wasn't me either," Caster said, showing them all a series of pictures. "As you can see from those images from the film Issei was taking of young Emiya, the bullet couldn't come from our temple, but from behind, and that means the park..."

"I didn't do it!" Assassin (or was he?) protested.

"You did!" Illya argued angrily.

"I did not!"

"You did!" Shinji insisted.

"Did not!"

"It's a conspiracy from the Matous!" Kirei shouted, pointing at Zouken and Shinji. "Admit your sins, you have held a grudge against Emiya ever since his involvement with Sakura!"

Rider sniffled, drying the corners of her bandaged eyes with a tissue. "Emiya-san deserved to pay for his part in Sakura's death, but we didn't do it!"

"That was a suicide!" Archer shot back.

"Sakura would never have killed herself!" Rider argued. "She didn't even kill herself after being raped for years, or in Heaven's Feel Normal End!"

"How typical of Sakura, she has to keep stealing the attention even after she's dead," Shinji mumbled.

"I didn't do it!" Assassin (was he?) kept on saying.

"You did!" Caren told him.

"The mafia is involved, I can tell that much!" Bazett accused, pointing at Taiga.

"How rude!" Taiga said. "I don't have to answer to those ridiculous claims! Next you'll be saying it's Ruler Fidel Castro's work!"

Right then another Assassin rushed in between all of them, with a gun in a hand, aimed at Assassin's stomach, and shot him dead.

[naschyamamoto]

...can't tell how much is serious and how much is parody. Kudos, OverM.

Also who is Assassin and who is Assassin?

[OverMaster]

Spoiler:

Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby.

Shirou is the JFK analogue and Sakura plays Marilyn Monroe.

[OverMaster]

Following You Past the End of the World.

They appeared in Chaldea one day, marching through the main door and immediately swarming all over the location, unstoppable, relentless. They chanted "Bosses, bosses, yi kai yai yai! Alsre aca!" as they would seize on the Servants of darker inclinations to never let go of them, rubbing themselves affectionately against them, making even those with the most hardened black hearts cry in despair.

Gudako was at the cafeteria with around a dozen of the Servants when they broke in, waving their tiny yellow arms and happily exclaiming, "Alspolo to, yikai! Alsre act dos, yikai! Seep nos hep to, Masters!"

Gilgamesh paled hideously at the sight of the ever growing flood of diminutive, joyful yellow creatures, running towards them to greet them, still wearing their parkas and still covered on the mountains' snow. "It... It can't be!" he exclaimed. "You're still alive!?"

"Ope mud Heroes, yikai! Alsll hago a daga Babylon nunu to!" they chorused.

"Gah! Back away, you mindless dolts!" Gilgamesh threatened, summoning the Gate of Babylon and ready to unleash it on them, only to shriek in panic when he saw that only made even more yellow creatures to pour down from the Gate, all happily shouting as well.

"Alsre tu orakop mop, Gilgamesh!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"Oh, shit, they came for me!" Blackbeard yelled, bolting up from his chair. "You'll never get me alive, you yellow flotsam, ha ha ha ha!" he madly proclaimed before leaping to throw himself out the window.

"Yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-ho!" the tiny beings chanted, several of them jumping out after him. "Yee a gagugh mud rum!"

"Master, help us!" Carmilla shrieked as she and Vlad Tepes were quickly covered in adoring yellow critters swarming all over them. "This evil, it's, it's too great for us to handle!"

Gudako blinked. "What... What is going on here?" She gave bewildered looks to Andersen, who merely shrugged indifferently, Geronimo, who contemplated the situation with extreme seriousness, and Nightingale, who had just picked one of them up and was examining it carefully and up close, muttering something about its unhealthy skin tone. None of them seemed able to give an answer.

Shakespeare smirked widely, bringing his hands together. "I have no idea myself, Master, but I can see some potential for storytelling here. Perhaps a few frivolous motion pictures and comedic shorts at best, but they still could be economically fruitful..."

"Oh, they're just adorable...!" Marie Antoinette cooed, gathering as many of them in her arms as she could to hugh them tightly. "I want a few too, please don't monopolize them, Comte Tepes, Mademoiselle Carmilla, Monsieur Gil...!"

"Just take these awful things off me already, stupid bitch...!" Carmilla shrieked, only her arm protuding from under the mass of creatures.

"Certainly interesting, yes, indeed..." Caster Gilles smiled, crouching down to gesture at a few of them to come closer to him. "Come to me, little darlings. Let me see how your wonderful, unique conditions stand to a little... experimentation..."

The tiny beings he was calling for paused, gave him flat, disdainful looks, and then shook their hands at him, walking away.

"Alsdomo quer da be gad wat to."

"Yeah, alskaylay dexpie."

Gudako blinked. "What are they saying, I don't understand a single—"

"They just told him they don't want to be seen with him, and that they have standards as well," a dignified Artoria said from where she sat still enjoying her meal despite having to periodically swat a hand at the thingies trying to steal her banana. "Before that, they had offered Gilgamesh to help him rebuild Babylon, telling him they're his weapons too, and, well... They are Minions, Master. Through history, villains, unescrupolous conquerors, morally questionable rulers and other despicable riffraff have recruited them as loyal help for their schemes' completion. Isn't that right, Mordred?"

"I have no idea what are you talking about, Father," Mordred said from where she sat trying to avert her gaze, reduced to her shorts and skimpy top and badly trying to look innocent as scores of Minions swarmed over the bulky armor she had just left aside.

"Mordred! Mordred! Mordred, tulaliloo ti amo!"

"The Minions' nature," Artoria further explained, "is locating the current major villain at any given place and eagerly offering their services to them. They'll latch onto pretty much any villain, but for the most part, they'll always look to work for the greatest, most gruesome felon in their surroundings. Well, notable exceptions aside," she noted, looking at the sobbing Gilles who had retreated onto the only empty corner in the room.

"Um, okay, I understand," Gudako said, slowly getting up from the table and edging for her room before the newcomers could learn she technically was the ringleader of every villain currently residing in the facilities.

"MAAAASSSTERRRRRRR!" Carmilla yelled, trying to reach for her.

The Minions all over the cafeteria paused, looked at the frozen, terrified Gudako, and threw their arms up as one. "MAAAAAASSSSTERRRRRR!"

Gudako screamed and ran.

—-

In the end, Chaldea simply ended up siccing them on Goetia. It never stood a chance.

[naschyamamoto]

So the true Noble Phantasm was the Minions we found along the way?

(Nice work, by the way)

[OverMaster]

Thank you!

Overkill.

"I am Servant Alter Lily Santa Swimsuit Saber," the little, pale, expressionless, frail looking Loli with the gigantic sword and massive bag of gifts, wearing only a skimpy red bikini and a Santa Claus cap, stood before the astonished Shirou in the old shed. "I ask of you, are you my Master?"

—-

Shirou woke up bathed in a cold sweat and stared at the Command Seals on the back of his hand. "This... This whole 'Master' thing is driving me mad, isn't it...?" he wondered to himself.

From where she sat right outside his bedroom in dutiful vigilance, a suddenly, slightly troubled Saber briefly rubbed her nose, wondering why she'd just felt a subtle shudder of sorts, before disregarding it as inconsequential.

[Draconic]

Thank you, I like this one a lot more than the last one. That may just be because I am the only person left who realizes that minions aren't cute but are actually horrid, annoying and creepy, but that's not the point.

[RoydGolden]

Just checked this on a whim, and I think the Minion minific is absolutely amazing and by far one of the most hilarious things I've read in quite a while. Nice job!

And I'm saying this as someone who's only even seen one of the movies!

[OverMaster]

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

Rider.

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get him!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Assassin over before he could react.

---

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get him!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Lancer over before he could react.

---

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get them!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Caster and Uryuu over before they could react.

---

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get him!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Berserker over before he could react.

---

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get her!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Saber over before she could react.

---

Waver Velvet pointed and dramatically shouted, "Rider! Get him!"

"Huh? What are you saying, you pathetic mongr--AAAAAHHHHHH!"

Suddenly, a massive Japanese truck zoomed in and ran Archer over before he could react.

---

For Waver Velvet had, somehow, managed to summon the most unstoppable force ever to be found in any work of Japanese animation.

[SpoonyViking]

...I don't get it.

[Vacha]

I think it was a reference to truck-kun

Spoiler:

[OverMaster]

I Don't Understand!

"Why don't we ever eat mashed potatoes?" wondered Rin one fine lunch, after realizing something that had been sort of vaguely bugging her lately without her actually knowing why.

At the other side of the table, Saber suddenly stiffened and paused in her devouring, while Shirou shifted in place uncomfortably.

"I mean," Rin elaborated, "I sort of miss mashed potatoes. I used to eat them every now and then. Not that I'm complaning, but I wonder why, when we use to eat anything else at least every onc--"

"Saber... doesn't like mashed potatoes," Shirou feebly explained while Saber's face rested wrapped in still-not-too-dark shadows.

Rin blinked. "There's some foodstuff SABER DOESN'T LIKE?!"

The shadow subsided, and Saber just sighed. Softly, she answered, "It was because of our campaigns. Often, we would spend far too long in the wilderness, away from taverns and restaurants, and none of us Knights were trained on cooking. Only Gawain knew anything on the subject... and then, he only could cook mashed potatoes..." Her voice broke slightly, and then she exploded into tears, "AND HIS MASHED POTATOES WERE HORRIBLE! That was the worst part of being a king!!"

"..." said Rin, before adding, "Saber. You couldn't possibly have eaten mashed potatoes."

The Servant frowned. "Are you mocking me, Rin?"

Rin slammed her bowl down. "Of course I'm not! You didn't even have any potatoes back then! Potatoes are originary from America, everyone knows that! What, the Grail didn't have any logs on potatoes!? Geez! You didn't even know America existed, so what's that nonsense about potatoes in your country anyway?!"

Saber recoiled, eyes wide, before snapping her fingers. "Shirou!"

"Hai!" the boy quickly sprang from his chair.

"Mashed potatoes!" the King commanded.

"Hai!" the boy quickly bolted for the kitchen.

While a perplexed Rin just sat in silence, Saber went back to swallowing huge mouthful after huge mouthful. Before she was done, Shirou quickly zoomed back with a plate. "Here, Saber!" he said.

"THAT WAS FAST!" Rin yelled, twintails standing in point.

"Thank you, Shir--" Saber looked dubiously at the new plate before her. "Are these mashed potatoes?"

Nod nod, went Shirou.

Saber looked quizzically at the plate's contents a second time, then looked at Rin.

Nod nod, Rin confirmed.

Saber raised an eyebrow slowly, warily took a small piece of mashed potato, took it to her mouth, touched it with the tip of her tongue...

And her eyes went huge and heart shaped, her ahoge rigid. Immediately, she started digging in gleefully.

Rin and Shirou only stared at her in absolute mutism.

"If I ever meet Gawain again," Saber took a moment to say between mouthfuls, "I will have to ask him for a few explanations."

So will I, and I was the one who wrote this thing in the first place.

[OverMaster]

Trademark Tics.

"Now, Nero-san," Negi Springfield said. "Since you're being animated by SHAFT this year, there's something you absolutely must learn to make it through development, but don't worry, we'll teach you all about it. Guys...?"

The others nodded, and so Negi, Akemi Homura, Mina Tepes, Kirisaki Chitoge, Itoshiki Nozomu, Senjougahara Hitagi, and Miyamae Kanako all began tilting their necks back slow and stylishly, over and over, while fitting sound effects 'ping!'-ed in the background.

"I see," Nero said far more quietly than her custom, pulling a chair up and beginning to take notes. "How many lessons shall it take us to reach the mastery of Zetsubou-da, then?"

[RoydGolden]

Have to say, I don't get the potato thing at all.