What TYPE-MOON Characters Would Never Say REDUX

[hayate]

....was it konosuba.....

Wow, you guessed that right. Editing it to become more subtle.

Shirou: I am an advocate of true gender equality! I hate women who can beat up guys and then say "But I am a girl" when it's convenient for them.

[The Geek]

Gawain: "I was transformed by the strong, musky power of true love. I have become The Day Man!"

[hayate]

Kotomine Kirei (after saving Illya): But the REAL question is: if I am human, how am I able to jump from the top of that mansion to the ground?

Aozaki Aoko (after seeing the block of ice by Flat Snark): Nope. No way I can blast it to smithereens. It's all yours now, Soujuurou.

[Neir]

This thread is great because it's literally just saying the opposite of the character's schtick

[Keyne]

Mordred: "You... you scratched my armor. That was a gift from my father."

Matthew: "I'm sorry, I'm sure your father was a great-"

Mordred: "I hated my father."

Matthew: "Oh, then I'm sure your father was a prick."

Mordred: "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY FATHER!"

My God, this so true.

[The Geek]

This thread is great because it's literally just saying the opposite of the character's schtick

Yeah, I've personally been trying to avoid that, since it's too easy to just do that.

With that said...

Shirou: "Hey Sakura, what do you want for breakfast?"

Angra Mainyu: "The souls of the innocent!"

Sakura: "Hmm.... A bagel!"

Angra Mainyu: "Noooooooo!"

Sakura: "Two bagels!"

[forumghost]

Emiya: Who are you?

Emiya Alter: I'm you but I screwed up even worse.

This makes me want to read about EMIYA-Alter going back in time to try and kill OG EMIYA to retcon his own existence when EMIYA tries to enact his 'Kill Shirou' plan.

[hayate]

Archer (to Shirou): I have come here...TO CLAIM YOUR SOUL!!!

Shirou (offering him a white stick that smokes a lot at its end): But before that, you might want some of this to go along with your archaic outfit.

Archer (tests the stuff): What is this...satisfying feeling?

Shirou: Congratulations, you just have tasted one of life's pleasures: the weed.

[Neir]

Yeah, I've personally been trying to avoid that, since it's too easy to just do that.

With that said...

Shirou: "Hey Sakura, what do you want for breakfast?"

Angra Mainyu: "The souls of the innocent!"

Sakura: "Hmm.... A bagel!"

Angra Mainyu: "Noooooooo!"

Sakura: "Two bagels!"

This actually might explain why Sakura is incapable of losing weight. She's surpressing angra's urging to murder the entire planet with food

[Altima of the Gates]

That is actually a really good one Geek. She wouldn't *ask* for the second bagel, Shirou would just find two or three bagels just missing.
One of the good things is she likes to eat, which is why she likes cooking.

Though I do find sadness that Angra just said "Noooo" amd didn't curse the deliciousness of baked goods, because they are the true evil.

[forumghost]

That is actually a really good one Geek. She wouldn't *ask* for the second bagel, Shirou would just find two or three bagels just missing.
One of the good things is she likes to eat, which is why she likes cooking.

Though I do find sadness that Angra just said "Noooo" amd didn't curse the deliciousness of baked goods, because they are the true evil.

I agree, except it wouldn't be Shirou finding the Bagels missing. Taiga and Saber would notice immediately and then complain loudly to Shirou about how Sakura got three Bagels and they each only got one. Then Sakura would make a bunch of futile denials that nobody believes while Rin mutters darkly about how all the extra food goes straight to her chest.

[The Geek]

That is actually a really good one Geek. She wouldn't *ask* for the second bagel, Shirou would just find two or three bagels just missing.
One of the good things is she likes to eat, which is why she likes cooking.

Though I do find sadness that Angra just said "Noooo" amd didn't curse the deliciousness of baked goods, because they are the true evil.

Continuation with Angra's curse.

Rin: "No! Sakura! You can't eat all those bagels at one time!"

Sakura: "What, am I gonna blow up?"

Rin: "No, first it'll go to your thighs!"

Sakura: "My thighs...?"

Rin: "And then you blow up."

*boom*

[hayate]

Continuation with Angra's curse.

Rin: "No! Sakura! You can't eat all those bagels at one time!"

Sakura: "What, am I gonna blow up?"

Rin: "No, first it'll go to your thighs!"

Sakura: "My thighs...?"

Rin: "And then you blow up."

*boom*

Man, I forgot where it came from, but it sure had me laughing hard.

Shutendouji (after seeing herself in the mirror): What's with these clothes? Am I a lolibait?

[The Geek]

Knights of the Round Table: "All hail Princess Mordred!"

[hayate]

Faerie (insulting Saber): You just got your sword from a watery tart!

Saber: You're THE watery tart!!!

[Neir]

Man, I forgot where it came from, but it sure had me laughing hard.

Shutendouji (after seeing herself in the mirror): What's with these clothes? Am I a lolibait?

Iirc spongebob squarepants

[The Geek]

Serenity Hassan: "Now, Master, let me show you my Noble Phantasm: Death by Snu-Snu!"

[hayate]

Gilgamesh: Alms...alms for the poor...I'm starving...please help...

Diarmuid (while fighting Saber): MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!

[Walnut Sparks]

Shirou I got bored with swords. Now I like trains.
Gilgamesh Ohnononowait-

[The Geek]

Shirou: