I wrote this in about an hour and a half after reading Moczo's Chaos Theory fic. All in all, this is a terrible story and I feel terrible for posting it here but hey, maybe someone else can get a kick out of it.
The Observer
"Damn! What kind of Hero are you?!" the knight in blue sneers at his opponent. Thrusting his lance many times faster than a human could, the knight leaves no quarter in his offense. The legendary demonic spear punctures the space of his opponent dozens of times in a second. A perfect assault of sharp points from impossible angles.
But none connect with the knight in red. The knight, so-called 'Archer', did not hesitate to engage in close-quarters combat with the knight in blue, Lancer. Utilising twin swords, Archer swings to parry every strike of the spear that his enemy sends. Surely an archer would find comfort in fighting his enemy from a distance. Yet the sparks continuously flying in the night are evidence of his decision to fight up close.
Lancer finds his opponent's existence ridiculous. Out of the seven Servants, Lancer is second only to Saber. Should be, anyway. Archer blocks his advances with such skill that it could be likened to clairvoyance. 'Maybe his Master is boosting him,' Lancer ponders. Yes, the Tohsaka magus standing behind Archer with surprised eyes. 'Seems she's surprised too, though,' he notes.
The overhead moon shines on the schoolyard. Rivaling the moon, the sparks resultant of metal on metal light up the yard, flashing white as if the battle was some kind of fireworks display. 'In a way, it is a fireworks display,' Rin Tohsaka thinks while observing the duel between Archer - who she likens to a cat. Nimble and reflexive - and Lancer - who is likened to a dog. Furiously snarling at his enemy - play out. The noble girl had wanted to summon the noble class Saber for the Holy Grail War. However, due to a mishap in summoning, the strange white-haired Servant who can't remember his true identity was summoned under the class Archer. She was very annoyed to discover that Archer was apparently also summoned under the Massive Jerk class.
Right now though, in the heat of battle, Archer's prowess shows. His swings aren't perfect. He leaves obvious holes in his defense. But that's only to bait his opponent into taking advantage of the holes. Rin knows that every action of the red knight is calculated and deliberate. She knows that against an opponent like Lancer, who are easily provoked, Archer can only win. What she doesn't know, however, is the nature of Archer's swords.
The white sword that reflects the moonlight. The black sword that devours it. Yin and yang. The twin swords Archer wields aren't particularly strong, Rin sensed. It's true. If one looked closely, one could see that Archer's swords actually shatter with each successful parry. What was bizarre was that he's seemingly creating new swords out of thin air. Projection magic? Maybe. But this is very high-level Projection to be able to block the demonic lance that never misses. Archer was a powerful magus in his life. Perhaps she did not lost out on the Servant lottery. With a new smile, Rin proudly silently cheered her Servant on.
Crack.
The sound of a twig breaking. Rin turns her head to face the source. A witness. An outsider witnessed the battle. Archer stops his parrying as Lancer stops his assault. The three of them look in the direction of the sound. There, on the other side of the yard's fence, was the fourth member of this play. Lancer radiates killing intent towards the witness. The rules of the War dictates that witnesses be silenced in any way, to preserve the secrecy of the Mage's Association. The lance-wielder sets out to do just that. Faster than someone can track, he leaps towards the observer. He will leave no room for escape.
The observer stands unfazed as the blue knight lands in front of him. Despite seeing something he shouldn't have, the observer seems terribly disinterested in his surroundings. He hasn't even said a word. Of course, that doesn't stop the blue knight from fulfilling his objective. Taking a look at the observer, he appears to be a man wearing expensive-looking clothes. Strange, Lancer thought. He doesn't look like he belongs in a school. In fact, a mansion would suit the man better. Well, well-dressed or not, he still has to die.
"Yo," the knight speaks. "Sorry about this, but you're in the wrong place at the wrong time." He readies his mystical spear to pierce the heart of the observer. The spear glows red with magic. A heart wounded by Gae Bolg cannot heal. "Die now." Lancer brings the spear down.
A fleshy sound.
A splash of red.
A spear lodged in a man's chest.
"Eh?" Lancer is deeply perplexed. Usually, the people he's pierced with his Gae Bolg would either be screaming or dead by now. The man is doing neither of those. Simply looking down at his chest, he makes a disgusted face and...
Pulls the spear out. Looking no less worse for wear, to boot.
"You, what are you?!" Retrieving his spear, Lancer pulls back. This is new. Someone who doesn't die when he's killed, eh? Cu Chulainn has seen a lot of things when he was alive but this is a whole new level of weird. By this time, Archer and Rin have caught up. They too are confused as to why Lancer is apparently scared of this man.
"Lancer," Archer starts.
"Careful now, Archer," Lancer interrupts. "He - I stabbed him with my spear. He didn't keel over. He even pulled it out. I don't know what it is, but I can't kill it". Lancer motions towards the distracted-looking man who has had a spear run through him minutes ago.
Suddenly, the man starts to laugh.
ehahahaha
A quiet one at first.
haHaHaHahaHAHA
Escalating to a louder, more unhinged cackle.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A laugh born of insanity.
Archer, ready to strike, takes a look at the man's face.
A twisted smile betraying his bloodlust. His crimson iris reflects a look of murderous desire. Truly, Archer thought, this was no man. A beast would be more accurate. The unnatural hair makes him look like a deranged starving lion looking for food. The man stops laughing, but still holds a wicked grin.
"Fool," he speaks for the first time. "Did you really think you could kill I, Dio?"
Dio. That is the name of this madman.
"No matter your efforts," Dio continues. "Unless I, Dio will it, then I, Dio shall never die. Your efforts are therefore useless!" He screams the last word. "USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESSUSELESSUSELESSMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAM UDAAA"
The Servants and Rin are even more deeply confused at this creature who is currently ravenously scratching at his head chanting about uselessness. Simultaneously shrugging their shoulders, they attack Dio.
Gandr shots, flying swords, and Gae Bolg all hit Dio square in his trapezius muscles.
"EASIER SAID THAN DONE," Dio yells. Which is strange considering no one actually said anything. "I, DIO WILL NEVER DI--" His sentence is cut short by his sudden disappearence. With a FOONT, all trace of Dio has vanished.
"So," Lancer started. All things considered, this was very bizarre.
"That was something," Rin remarks. It felt very much like an adventure just listening to Dio.
"I guess we could call it here?" Archer suggests. After that ordeal, all three of them are fatigued. Mentally more than physically.
"I'll just head back now," Lancer said as he withdraws coolly.
"Rin, we should head back too," Archer calls to his Master. Now would be an excellent time to recoup and restrategise. "We have intel on Lancer's identity."
"Right. We should... yeah." Rin, still overwhelmed by what just happened, agrees with Archer. Together, they leave the scene.
---
"Did it work?"
"No."
"Well, that's too bad."
"Spare me the sarcasm."
"I'm just saying. Alaya wouldn't want two arrogant godlike blondes in one city."
"If it had worked, Alaya wouldn't even notice. After all, a fictional character technically doesn't exist in the World."
"Whatever, Kirei. I think your dog should be back soon with intel."
"Yes, indeed. Tell me, King of Heroes. How does the prospect of working with a man named Vanilla Ice sound?"
"Are you going to try the summoning thing again"
"Yes, Gilgamesh. Yes I am."
The King of Heroes sighs as his disciple, Kirei Kotomine prepares the summoning circle once more. Using the same manga, too. How much of a fanboy is this fake priest anyway? Oh well. It's time to prepare for Saber's arrival into the world. He knows it'll be the same Saber. He can feel it. And when she appears, she will undoubtedly swoon over the King of Heroes' impressive collection of motorcycles.
Yes. All according to plan. Operation GilGil Machine is go.
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Originally Posted by ReParity
