that exposes me tho
More seriously, if you want to chuck in a red herring by voting for your own fic, it simply won't be counted as per Kirby's opening post on this thread.
It's Spoony Reviews Tonight, with our very special guest star, Kirby's White Day Lemon Contest Reviews, Part 2!
Dedication: Love (Addendum): After some more consideration, I do have a serious criticism for this fic: it didn't really fulfill the prompt. I mean, Archetype's participation can barely even be called voyeurism, really.
A Bumpy Ride: I'll be honest, I didn't expect much from this prompt. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. This was hilarious, which would have been more than enough in my book, but it was also quite sexy! I loved the implication that Sakura summoned Archer and is using him to cock block Rin / Shirou! I'll admit to drawing a blank on who is Illya's Servant, though; I mean, someone known to Astolfo who (presumably) fits the Berserker Class would be Orlando / Rolando, but the reference to "Romania" threw me off.
Black Onslaught III: It's erotic in spite of the subject matter, it's generally well-written (although I'd suggest just a bit more polish, and the title drop felt forced), and most of the characterisation is well-done (although I feel like you took the easy way out with Yukika). That said, I have to point out that just saying one of them dreamt about anal does not fulfill the "butt stuff" requirement for the prompt.
A Week With a Hungry Lioness And a Two-Faced Rich Girl: I think this may be the first time I've seen an epistolary fic, much less an epistolary lemon. It's a strange choice in that it restricts the writing style somewhat, but I do think it worked here. I only have two pieces of criticism to offer: Shirou's "voice" felt somewhat off at times - for instance, whenever he calls Arturia by "Arturia" instead of "Lancer", as he does "regular" Saber -, and it needed a bit of a stricter editing job. Oh, and perhaps there could have been more Rin? She seemed to not participate as much as she should have, considering the prompt.
Last edited by SpoonyViking; March 19th, 2017 at 08:52 PM.
One, however, was way more dickish than the other.
It wouldn’t be fair to the contestants for me to score these fics, since I don’t post here much anymore and haven’t really kept up with Type-Moon since 2013. But here are my thoughts on the prompts that interested me the most.
Boundary of Loneliness:
Now let's finish this!
To Create Happines: So short! Why so short? I don't even mind the finishing point, I just feel it was over too soon. Which is a testament to how good the fic was, really.
Boundary of Loneliness: Hm. Well, much like with the "DDD" fic earlier, I've never watched Canaan, so I had to Google Alphard's image for me to able to visualise her. Imagine my unpleasant surprise at the final twist, then. I also can't evaluate "Alphard" 's characterisation, but Shiki's seems alright; she is perhaps a bit too playful and eager in bed, but it's not something I can categorically state is out-of-character for her.
Other than that, I don't really have any serious criticism, and the only serious typo I noticed was "faithful day" instead of "fateful".
One Night at Fuyuki / Side B / Fairytale for King Cruel: Let me apologise in advance to all three writers since, due to the subject matter, I only skimmed the sex scenes. I did read everything else, though, so I will comment on that.
"One Night at Fuyuki" 's writing really needs some proper editing. I'd suggest paying more attention to commas, periods, and when to use both. Also, maybe it's just because I don't know the character too well, but Ko-Gil seems to be more like Gilgamesh proper than he should.
"Side B" is well-written, and I think you did a good job showing Shirou breaking under Beatrice's torture in a way he never would under Angelica's.
Of these three, "Fairytale for King Cruel" was my favourite. The descriptions, the sparse dialogue, everything was done very well. The premise seems far-fetched to me, but it is what the prompt asked for.
Cross-Path Domination: Ah, the classic juxtaposition between violence and sex! An exciting fighting scene followed by two exciting sex scenes! Very good, I really liked this one. That said, I have to admit my favourite part was the fighting, not the sex. Also, there were quite a few typoes. I don't usually like to comment on those, but here, thanks to the overall quality of the writing, they really stuck out.
Cerulean Ride Alternative: You know, in many ways, this was even funnier than the "main" fic, what with Arturia being deceived about the "battle potion", the Humpty Dumpty reference, the "leaking fountain of once-and-future delight", and so on and so forth. It's not as sexy as the other one, but I consider it equally good because of the comedy.
And that's it, for now! Next comes the actual voting! Then I'll check what other people said about my fic (if it's not obvious, it was "Passion Acknowledged"), especially since I have to give credit to someone else.
Last edited by SpoonyViking; March 21st, 2017 at 10:03 PM.
One of our writers was an off-site anon, and he sent his votes over PM. Here they are.
<Lian|work> lynch kirby imo
Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.
5: Cerulean Ride
4: Dedication : Love
3: A Bumpy Ride
2: Crisis of Faith
Ragnarok, come day of wrath
That fallen souls might bear our plea.
To hasten the Divine's return.
O piteous Wanderer.
Time to finally vote! This was hard, though, harder than I expected it would be - especially since I had a little devil on my shoulder saying "Vote for the ones who would make for a hotter drawing, not necessarily the best ones". :-P
Anyway, without further ado, here are my votes:
2: "A Bumpy Ride"
3: "The Resurrection"
4: "Cerulean Ride"
5: "The Wise Men"
Many others deserved points, and I might have been unfair to "The Wise Men", but such is the nature of the beast, unfortunately.
5: The Resurrection
No comment necessary. You know what I think.
4: Black Onslaught III
Yukika alone guaranteed this score.
3: Boundary of Loneliness
You'll make Liang Qi jealous.
2: A Bumpy Ride
I didn't think this one would actually get written. Was expecting some more DEUS VULT. Pleasantly surprised regardless.
1: The Wise Men
For craft and atmosphere. Orientalist fantasy is underrated. It's a shame Blavatsky's such a shit character, but you have done exceptionally well all the same.
Hon. Mention to A Week With A Hungry Lioness(etc.) for Lartoria, who is Good
Last edited by Dullahan; Yesterday at 08:59 AM.
8,611 m (28,251 ft)
Placings! Sorry for not being clearer. :-)