“Can’t Go Back”
A/N: Post Heaven’s Feel True End.
The Holy Grail War was over. They had won. However, even though they had managed to destroy the Greater Grail, even though they had saved Sakura, the cost had been high. Countless people had died. Ilyasviel had sacrificed herself to save Shirou. As for Shirou himself, he just hadn’t been the same since he had been brought back.
It was to be expected, of course. He had given up a lot to save Sakura. He had surrendered his dream, his mind, and even his life to protect her. Now that it was all over, he just seemed melancholy all the time.
He still smiled. He tried to act the same as before – and nobody at school seemed to notice something was wrong. But Rin did. She didn’t know if her sister could tell, but Rin could easily see that there was something off.
There were moments here and there where he would gaze off into the distance with a bittersweet smile on his face – his left hand touching the shoulder where Archer’s arm was once grafted. It was the same today.
Rin had come for a visit on a Sunday, and when nobody answered the door she let herself in. For a minute, she thought this place was empty – until she saw Shirou just sitting on the porch, gazing up at the cloudless sky. Once again, the same wistful look was on his face and it seemed that he didn’t even know she was here.
“Shirou?” she called as she approached.
He didn’t reply. There wasn’t even an indication that he had heard her.
Worried, she tried again as she walked closer. “Shirou?”
He still didn’t answer.
Finally, she stepped right behind him, hoping that this time he would finally acknowledge her presence. “Shirou?”
Then, when he ignored her for the third time, she decided to take drastic measures. With a deep breath, she thought calmly about what the best choice of action would be… before promptly disregarding it and simply kicking him in the back.
“Ow! What was that for, Tohsaka?”
“Hmph,” Rin said, crossing her arms. “That’s what you get for ignoring me.”
“Ignoring you?” Shirou said, rubbing his back. “I didn’t even know you were here!”
“That’s what you call ignoring someone, Shirou. I called out to you three times, you know.”
“…oh,” Shirou said with a blink, finally realizing how out of it he must have been. “Sorry about that. I was just… thinking about something.”
Rin tried not to sigh – at least not too loudly. This was what she had expected after all. “It’s… it’s about the Holy Grail War, isn’t it?”
Shirou smiled weakly. “Well… it’s related to that, yes,” he said, nodding his head. “It’s just not the same anymore.”
“No,” Rin said, her expression softening a little. “I suppose it wouldn’t be. But you know, it was for the best. You saved Sakura, after all.”
“I don’t regret that,” Shirou said quickly – not that he needed to. “It’s just… everything is strange now. I can’t go back to the way things were before. I’ve lost it, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back now.”
“About ‘it,’” Rin said, as she took a seat beside him. “This… ‘it’ wouldn’t happen to be your ideal, is it?”
Shirou’s eyes widened as he looked at her as though he were surprised that she knew. But then again, she had known about it for a long time now – the dream of being a Superhero, going around the world to save as many people as he can.
Running a hand through his hair, Shirou nodded. “Yes, it was really was my ideal,” he said, absentmindedly touching his arm. “At the time, I didn’t realize just how much I would miss it.”
“Well, there were a lot of things going on at the time.”
“Still,” Shirou said, touching his arm. “I can’t help but think about going back.”
Rin blinked, before narrowing her eyes at him. That was a dangerous line of thinking Shirou was doing. “You aren’t thinking about abandoning Sakura, are you?” she said, balling up her hands into a fist. If he said something stupid, she might have to knock some sense back into him after all.
“What? No!” Shirou said, holding up his hands in shock. “I would never do that!”
“So then, why would you even think about doing something that could hurt her?”
Shirou blinked, a bead of sweat going down his forehead. “Hurt her? Well, I suppose it could hurt her if I’m not careful… but she thought it would be a great idea!”
“What,” Rin said flatly. “No, she probably just feels a little guilty,” Rin said, figuring out why her sister would agree to such a crazy thing. “Just because she agreed to it, doesn’t mean you should.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Nee-san!”
Rin blinked before turning around just in time to see her sister slide into view from the hallway. “Sa-Sakura? You were here?”
“Yes! And I won’t let you ruin Senpai’s dream!” Sakura said, as she placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “I won’t let you ruin my dream too!”
“Hold on,” Rin said, slowly pushing Sakura’s hands away. “You do understand what his dream is, right?”
“Of course! He told me about it personally, after all.”
“And… and you agreed to it?” Rin asked, incredulous. “How in the world did he possibly convince you about that?”
“He showed me a picture of Archer,” Sakura said, smiling.
Rin faced palmed. Where had Shirou even gotten a picture of Archer… no – why would he want one in the first place?! “That doesn’t explain anything!”
“Actually, Rin, it explains everything,” Rider said, walking into view.
“Hold on – was everybody here? Am I going to turn around and see Kotomine running around in the backyard?!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Rin,” Shirou said, shaking his head. “I killed him.”
“He also killed you, and that didn’t stop you!”
“…point. But, thanks to Ilya and the rest of you, I got brought back to life.”
“Which brings us back to the main point,” Rider said, adjusting her glasses. “The reason the picture managed to convince my master so easily is because it wasn’t an ordinary picture of Archer.”
Rin massaged her temples. “You know, that still isn’t an actual explanation.”
“It was a picture of Archer naked on a bed. Your bed, to be precise.”
Rin froze. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Rider.”
“It would be more of a memory for you, wouldn’t it?” Rider said with a grin.
“…anyway – what does this have anything to do with Shirou’s dream of becoming a hero?”
“Nothing,” Shirou said, blinking. “But, when did we start talking about that in the first place?”
“From the start!” Rin said, rolling her eyes. “Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Actually, Nee-san… Shirou was talking about getting a new body.”
“…what.”
“Yes,” Shirou said with a blush. “Archer’s arm really was an ideal experience for me.”
Rin stared at Shirou. “You lost me.”
“What I mean is, I can’t go back to my regular-“
“Stop right there,” Rin said, holding up one hand while the other massaged the bridge of her nose. “I heard enough. You can’t possibly expect me to believe you had the time to do that in the middle of the Holy Grail War!”
“…well, I am a man, Rin, and Sakura wasn’t really around...”
Rin, for the second time today, face palmed. “You can’t be serious! We aren’t replacing your new body just so you can have a better ‘alone time’ for yourself!”
“Of course not, Nee-san!” Sakura said, blushing. “We’re also going to have a better ‘together’ time.”
Rin stared at her sister, before turning to Rider, hoping that she would show some common sense. “You… you can’t really be letting them go through with this.”
“Well,” Rider said, looking away. “With the Holy Grail gone, it’s tougher to maintain my existence without Shirou's help, you see…”
“Hold on, didn’t the Holy Grail leave Sakura with-“
“Like I said, it’s tougher to maintain my existence.”
“And there you have it, Nee-san,” Sakura said, smiling at Rin. “I hope you can see why this is for everyone’s best interests.”
Rin sighed, throwing her arms up in the air. “Oh, I give up!”
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Originally Posted by Theocrass
