Interior
...laundromat...yeah, I was, at the laundromat. A little way downtown...found it...open all night, twenty-four hours...owned? By? Uh...don't know, never met...no staff at that hour. Like, three, four in the morning...I come there...five at latest...some people get up that early so, I, I want to beat them – get in before, uh...and they can stay open then, right? Which is convenient...see, a laundry, it's not like a, a pharmacy...a twenty-four hour pharmacy...because the product...the service, rather...is not the same. You can't...you don't steal, a washing machine...a coin-operated one, what would you – you couldn't get it out, right? They know it's safe, so, to leave them unattended...coin-operated dispenser for laundry powder. Those too, no threat...no-one's gonna steal that. And if, if they do, then what...powder, you buy that in bulk, tonnes of it, hundreds...it's more economical, even, for some small business...they're a small business, so...yeah, doesn't matter for them, not much...so, the laundromat, I went there...no-one around at that...hour...just dead, dead outside – very dark, no stars...it was cloudy, I think, so, no...you couldn't see the stars...it was streetlights only, no windows...only a few...the yellow light, streetlights, it comes from sodium, it's a chemical, a thing...you know...and they're lined up like that, in pairs all lined up all along the street, these yellow lights...vapour lights...and the empty street...stretching off down there, down the road, out to...all outside...and there were cars, you could hear, cars...not there, none around...but very far away, somewhere...all round, the city, like this sound...echoing...very far away...like the air running between buildings, in grates, alleyways...you know that sound? Yeah...warm night, though, and I liked it 'cause I was alone and...no-one was there, to see...no-one looked at me.
And I came down the street and...to the laundromat...walked in, and a, a bell – they had a bell, at the door...bell sounded...no-one was there, though. Inside, right...it's a room, big room...two sides, the machines stacked two high...going along the wall, very white inside, white tiles all over the walls like a bathroom, on the floor, white lights up top, so it all looked really white...bright...white machines...coin operated – yeah, I had the money, I wouldn't...I forgot once, once, only once...that's all...I just went back, and got it...and in the middle, of the room, there's a bench...running down the middle of the room...and you, uh, I guess you sit on it and wait...till your laundry's done...do whatever...about an hour usually...at the end, the dispenser...powder...anyway. I had some stuff to wash...just, generally...a lot...I was always, uh, back then, I...I had this thing, I had to...could only wear something once, then wash...had to wash it...so I went there a lot...once every three or, or four, five days...a week is too long...it'd build up...and I did it at that time, in the morning, so I...never saw anyone...so, I...I had my stuff...brought it in a bag...like a sports bag, over the shoulder, and I found a machine, and I put it in that, and I...I got it out first, of course, I got it out of the bag...then...got the powder, in a scoop – like – a cup, they had...it came in a, uh...anyway, I got that, and I put that in and I put in the money and turned it on...and it goes, right, you know, it goes whirrrrrr...like, first up, it fills...water goes in...and then it starts spinning, makes this humming, uh...vibrating...sound...and it shakes, like, the shaking, it goes through...or the sound, I don't know...you feel it in the bench, when you sit on it...you can sort of just feel it barely...when I was a kid, we had a washing machine like that – like the ones they had there – and when it was, uh, when it was on, you could always tell...in the house, the whole house, you could feel it going whirrrrrr and that...like, in the floor...usually in the afternoon, when I came home from school.
And I was sitting there...on the bench, right...I said about the bench...watching it, the machine...there's a window in the front, so you can...I was watching it all go round inside...it was just stuff, regular stuff...shirts...round and round in the water...mushed around, stirred up and...there was blood on some of them and I wanted to get it off so I, I...that's why I took them along...had to go then anyway, in the morning so no-one would, uh...see...and I can't – fuck – I can't explain to...uh...so I went...and there was blood on them, I think pretty dry by then when I put them in, and...and I put them in, and they went round and round...to get washed...so I was watching...and it was real strong, the powder, I think I put in more than was, than was necessary...so it might...it was gonna wash out all the colours, I think, there was a danger of that, it said, uh, somewhere, on the box...there was a box there, for directions, by the dispenser...yeah...anyway I didn't care about the colours really, just...the blood, I wanted that out...so I watched it...and this is still like three, four in the morning, just, sitting alone in the laundromat...the only sound's from the machine, goes whirrrrr, spinning and that...the light up on the ceiling was bright...very white...that's mercury, that colour, by the way, the vapour...it seemed, like, uh...it hurt to look at almost, all the white in that room...it's like a hospital...and, and, my eyes stung too...you know that feeling, when you've been awake for too long and your eyes start feeling dry and it hurts, just to...to keep them open...it's not like you're tired, it's even if you're not tired, it's, uh...but I was tired too, I hadn't slept...not for a while, I don't know, it was...it was a bad time, very bad, I wasn't sleeping or something, maybe I was...I didn't go to sleep...maybe all week...I'd just, right...like...I'd lie down, and maybe...I would dream these, very, mundane dreams, or not mundane, just hard to...separate...in the feeling, uh...one of them, right, it went...I was in my apartment like normal and this girl comes in and she was someone I vaguely remembered...from high school, she was...same class, name started with an A or an E or something but we never, uh, interacted, I think...I just remembered what she looked like, she was pretty, kind of...very thin and a bit stupid from what I recall but she came in...in the dream, this is in the dream...and I was sitting in a chair and she came in the door and she went over and picked up a pair of socks off the floor and started eating them and I was just looking at her the whole time, like, uh, yeah...and I said to her something like, hey, are you...are you sure you should...those have been used...and she just looked at me – these very sharp eyes, I don't remember those, and she smirked at me or something...smirked with these white socks hanging out her mouth...somehow...then she just left...that kind of dream, it was that sort of thing...and it was funny but I didn't really think it was funny or something like...anyway, that sort of...kind of mundane...you see, right...and it was like dreaming the same sort of thing as when I was awake even though the precise details, uh, were...and I would wake up and it'd be just the same, all the same...and I was still tired, so...might as well be...the same...anyway, it was really bright in there...hurt to look at, I said, like I said, and...the only place that didn't hurt to look at was the window, in the machine...it was shadowed and sort of dark, everything churning around in there, and I was looking at it anyway so whatever, since I was watching...trying to see if, uh, the blood was coming off...'cause I didn't know, right...I didn't know if it would, actually...it might not have been right...the right way...but you couldn't see, too much shit in the way...suds and glass and stuff...and it's all moving too...and I'm sitting there on the bench and I'm watching it, and I was...I got...I, I, I felt really anxious, really afraid, in that time...like, just, really afraid, just afraid...of what I don't know. Um. Maybe that someone else would come in...no-one ever did, not at this time...I'd been there lots before, no-one ever did...it's a slow part of town...no-one ever does...I was afraid, though, very sort of non-directed, like...afraid of the air, afraid of the walls...felt like that, like something bad was gonna happen...to me, I guess...just, bad, in general...that happened a lot, I felt like that a lot at that time...it was a bad time, I said that...one of the bad times...I wasn't sleeping, I...anyway, I started stacking change on the bench next to me, to distract...uh, pass the time...I used to do it a lot, I don't do it any more...when I was nervous...I had the change in my pocket, the coins, and I took them and made a stack...a tower...then I took the one off the top and put it down and built another tower...moving them over...make one stack, take it apart to make the other and...so on...I used to do it at home when I was, was bored...on the table, and, uh, it makes this sound tap tap tap...just putting them down, like, aggressively...to punctuate...my parents kept telling me not to but I did it anyway.
And I was still afraid, and I was stacking them anyway...the coins, they had that, like...the metal smell...sweat on metal...that smell, like...metallic, I don't know how else to say...they'd been in my pocket, and my hands were...I was sweating...warm night...it was summer, early summer...uh...and I was watching the wash...I was sitting in there and I was watching and I was afraid and I saw all the clothes in the wash going round and round and round...the blood, getting it out...supposed to...I was afraid and really on edge, really...hair-trigger, I'd have...that kind of mood...for me that's a lot, it means a lot...so I was very sensitive to noise, and the machine seemed really loud...disturbing the silence...like it shouldn't be...uh, it was annoying, just...this big machine, in the way...going whirrrrr and...and, I was still stacking coins, I was...I'm sitting there, right, right there, and I'm looking at it and...like...as I look at the wash, it's going red...the blood's washing out, into the water, the water...is going red...and it doesn't make sense because it's a lot of water and it should...the blood, it should, uh, dissolve...more than that...shouldn't be able to see it, it's not that much but it's red, the water's turning red...and it's going round and round...churning stuff around...and it's red, and all the wet shirts...floating, churning around...it's all red...the fabric all mushing around all wet and it looked like the inside of a person going around in there.
And I was, I...was afraid...it hurt to look anywhere, but...I, uh...I stopped stacking change and I...I shivered...or more like a twitch, some kind of nervous...in my neck, so I jerked my head...it was all red, all going red and I blinked and it was still red and again and still red...and, I...my hand was shaking, I looked at it...it's all going red in there still and I am afraid...I was sweating...warm night...it was too hot, I was sweating, sweltering, I was...so I got up, and I left.
Alright? I walked out. I went through the door and the bell went off and I went out into the street and it was a little...it was...there was a breeze, so...and it was still dead out there, it's – like – still four in the morning...no-one's out there...up and down the street...but I felt like, I couldn't go very far, in case, um...someone else came and went in the laundromat and they'd see the, the red...so I had to...I'd have to stop them, if they...uh...but no-one was there and no-one came and it was just dead out there, and the cars were...uh, I walked out in the middle of the street and, the...the city...it was really dark...just the yellow lights going down the road in a line, down the street, and the light reflected, uh...clouds up there, kind of a glow off them, from the light of the city...bouncing off them, and they looked close, like, reach out and...covering the sky...overcast, 'cause the weather...summer storms lately, a lot of rain...clouds were all laid out up there...cracked mud, like, how there's...there's solid portions and cracks between them..and the light was in the solid parts and the cracks were dark sky and it made me think of cracks in asphalt and I looked down and there – there – they were...again, they...it was the same...and I was afraid, still afraid...something bad would happen, and...I walked around in a big circle in the street and my head, I had a headache or...my head hurt, started to...I was sweating...warm night...and I wanted to – to – shout something, like, I wanted to say, I had a secret...only I knew, I had a secret and I wanted to shout it out...like that, sort of, I wanted to...I couldn't say it...there was no-one around, nothing, but I couldn't say it...and I was walking around there in the street and the street went on, and the lights, they went on, the buildings went on, it all...went on down the way, just...on and on...and I wanted to shout, I...but I couldn't speak, I had a secret, like a secret, something, but I couldn't say it, even though – so fucking much – I wanted to say it but I couldn't...even speak...it'd be breaking the...like, it'd...it wasn't even silent, it was the sound, the city...cars very far away, that sound...on the highway out here, and the lights...electric lights...transmission wires, they hum, they have that, uh...and the air...there was a breeze, and between the buildings, it echoes, like, whistles...all that sound, it was all together and I heard it and it was really loud...my footsteps didn't make a sound, but...and I stopped walking in the street and I sat down on the middle of the line in the middle of the road and I laid down and, the asphalt was cool, even though it was...warm, and...but I was sweating, and I was afraid and...I...stayed there for a while and, and, I got the...I started to cry, I don't know, I was dizzy or, I, I was sweating...I wanted to say it but I couldn't...couldn't speak and, I was choked up and the light – in my eyes – I started to cry...blurry, or, like...splintered...the light, it went out...the yellow lights, they, uh, smeared out and...I thought, I...the street, it goes on...buildings go up on either side and they go on and the power lines and the...it keeps going, and then it hits another street and keeps going and the street turns into another street and other lights and streets and, it goes in lines, curves and, and, and it keeps going and the, the...it keeps going, all the way out in all directions and it...the asphalt, keeps going, it goes out for miles and miles and around and – and it curls upwards and goes up and goes over and it closes and it's above you...up there, the...inside of a sphere, curling over and...twisted like a spine and bundled nerves and...miles in diameter, it's all, together, all over you, and I was so afraid...it goes on, the street goes on and around and I cried and it dripped out and went on the ground and it went on the asphalt and filled in the cracks in the...asphalt, and I saw it go and it went on and on and the lights went on and it went up and around and it filled in the cracks up there and it went on and back around and it...it was dark...it filled in the cracks and it, uh...I wanted to go, I wanted to run...shout something, run...but it'd be the same...just the same...it all blurred...if you moved, it'd...you'd go around, the street and the buildings would go around and you'd be right where you started and it'd...you'd come right back, it wouldn't end...and I was afraid, I kept crying, and my head hurt and it went...red too...like inside, it...dissolved, or, whatever, it...went red, it went...the blood went and it filled in the cracks in the asphalt and, I...the cracks in the...up there, they filled in...it went on down the road and down there and I was afraid and on and on and down the line and it went up and filled them in...all over...and I was lying there, right, in the road and it – it...goes on forever, doesn't it...the asphalt goes on, the lights go on and the wires go on, the buildings go on – not forever, but...it doesn't end, it keeps going...round and round, back to the same...thing, just...the same, all the same...four in the morning goes on forever, the night goes on forever...the same night...I was afraid, uh, I was...choked...it was shimmering, the light, and the sound, it...I...it didn't end, it didn't change, it...was all the same.
Once I, I was a kid or...it was a while ago, but...I saw a sign by the side of the road...black on white...silver, rather, reflective like a...roadwork warning, or...it had the number '110' in big print...someone had been at it though...they'd used electrical tape and gone from the top of the first '1' to the bottom of the second, so they made the letter N instead – NO – big letters, just NO in, in English...NO...just, quietly...by the road, it's...saying NO, NO, NO...no to everything, anything...nothing in particular, NO...whatever it is, NO, it's just refusing to...something about it, I always thought, it was...it was funny, or, it was...I, at the time...or...and I thought about it a lot...later on...uh, I remember, way back...after, the, the...in '96...the accident...she was stable, they just got her that way and Araya was there at the hospital and I was there and we were...it was late at night and we were...uh, well, he was...he could be there, he had a...I snuck in, in a window, whatever...we were in her room and she was sleeping...like she'd already been there for...years, and I was, asking him...stuff, I don't know, about the whole...the...and he was in the corner and I was by the bed and he was going on and on about the void and the...the void behind the world, the root of everything, and the...asking him about...he didn't lie, anyway, he told me...it didn't matter then, at that point, that, I...he wanted to tell someone, maybe...whatever, but he said that...under everything there is nothing, nothingness...suspended over nothingness...comes from nothing and returns...all that shit, what he was about...big speech and that, all that...this is late at night, out the window...I could see the city, all cloudy...lights went out, on and on...the buildings...and I heard the, the...and it went on out there...forever, out and on and it curled up and twisted over and it went on without end...finite...unbounded, and he said...I don't, I stopped really, uh, listening, but...he said about how everything...everything that exists, came from nothing, pure...void...and I stopped him and I asked him if it should have, and...he, uh...he said he didn't know...that right away, he said he wanted...to...and so on, but I didn't care, I, I...I put my hand on her cheek and she felt like a dead body, just like...the same, and I felt sick, I...said, it shouldn't have. Fuck, it shouldn't have.
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yyyyep.
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Originally Posted by Frostyvale
