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Thread: Monthly Make-A-Magus Contest

  1. #221
    後継者 Successor zikari8's Avatar
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    Henry Rong

    "I regret to inform you that your design for a cat-human hybrid homunculus has already been submitted. Six different times. Yes, foxgirls as well. No, the fact that she has a maid outfit does not make it different."



    Source

    Name: Henry Rong
    Gender: Male
    Age: 27
    Height/Weight: 187 cm/90kg
    Birthplace: Unknown

    Profile:
    A licensed lawyer for mages. He is a low-ranking member of the Clock Tower’s Faculty of Law. His activities mostly consist of assisting magus families in submitting patents for their theories or rituals, but he can also give legal advice, sort out patent infringement, and even represent a client in a “witch trial”. His actual knowledge of magecraft is low; he instead has succeeded solely on his argumentative abilities, talent at dancing around the rules, and endless pursuit for the truth.

    Need to submit a patent? Want to sue your family’s long standing rival? Desire to know whether or not the Association will be pissed if you kill a certain person? Look no further, Everything Rong Agency has your back!

    Also looking for a full-time assistant. Preferably one capable of speaking with spirits. Inquire within.


    Personality
    Forte/Likes: Lying/Truth
    Weaknesses/Dislikes: Combat/Beer
    Natural Talents: Finding the loophole
    Natural Enemy: Hishiri Adashino

    Magical Attributes
    Origin: Necessity
    Elemental Alignment: Earth

    Magic Circuits
    Circuit Quantity: D
    Circuit Quality: E+
    Circuit Composition: Straight

    Character
    Characteristics:
    A down-to-earth man with a hatred of lies and a talent for lying. Henry Rong is the type of person who rarely stands out. His demeanor is calm and contemplative, while his words are soft-spoken and always germane. He doesn’t seem like someone with much motivation, but he does his job well and never slacks off.

    Believing himself to have lived a lie as an adopted child, Henry has come to dislike the human penchant for dishonesty. There is nothing he wants more than for people to be transparent and just reveal their true emotions. It doesn’t help that his occupation involves a lot of dishonesty.

    Emotionally, Henry’s self-esteem is remarkably low. He at times sees himself as a fraud, a faker who lack the right to stand where he is, and beats himself over how worthless he is. Thanks to this, he not only has little trust in his own abilities but often tries to compensate with outside help. For example, he often relies a bit too much on magic coffee to get work down, to the point that he may have an addiction. Nevertheless, those who have had the chance to work with him will attest to his reliability.

    Personally, Henry subscribes to the belief of a One Truth. He believes that there is definitely an objective truth to every scenario and it is from that which one may judge whether or not one is guilty. Rather than the root, he seeks this truth out as his life mission.

    As a bit of a side note, he considers himself indebted to the Archibalds and the El-melloi family in extension. Thanks to a recommendation letter from his former teacher, Lord El-melloi, he was able to start his apprenticeship at the Faculty of Law, and he has sworn to pay back that favor ever since. Little does he know that Kayneth was simply trying to get rid of him by throwing him towards the Clock Tower’s dark side.

    Biography:
    Henry Rong does not know who his parents are or where he was born. The Rongs were a budding family of mages, only three generations old, with nothing but ambition and a mediocre fortune. Too late was it discovered that the third generation head was infertile. The family had to resort to adoption and so found a boy with talent and circuits to pass the crest too.

    Despite not being their proper son, Henry’s new parents treated him properly and raised him with the typical magus education. He was trained in their family’s variant of Spiritual Evocation and even sent to Clock Tower for further education. They never revealed to him that he was adopted, but he realized it himself when he was young. He never told them that he knew, but the idea that he wasn’t their real son weighed heavily on Henry’s mind. He couldn’t bring himself to fully love and trust his family, knowing not only that they were not of the same blood but also that they never bothered telling him. He saw himself as just a fraud, a replacement for their first choice, someone with neither the bloodline nor talent to become a true magus. This dissonance caused him to grow disillusioned with the magus lifestyle.

    When both his parents died from age, Henry was left with the dregs of their fortune, mediocre and mostly being funneled into his tuition, and the crest in his body. He realized that he was only studying magecraft for his parents. He was wholly uninterested in reaching the root, so now that they were gone, it was time for him to move on. There were essentially two options for him: give up magecraft and become a normal person, or stay related to magecraft without the magus ideology. Not wanting to waste his parent’s gifts, he chose the latter.

    Thanks to a recommendation letter from his professor, Lord El-melloi, he was able to get into the Faculty of Law as an apprentice, and quickly applied his natural talent for bending the rules and convincing people to his craft. His lack of conscience as a magus and familiarity with more modern appliances made him a valuable source of contact for young practitioners of modern magecraft. After a few years, he racked up a few notable accomplishments under his belt and was recognized enough to earn his own office. And so was the start of the Rong Everything Agency!
    Abilities
    Magecraft Related Abilities:

    Hypocrite’s Oath
    Henry’s signature spell, a mental interference-type magecraft that reinforces ones conviction. It is blended into the smoke of his special cigarettes. Those who inhale the smoke have their conviction increased; their belief in what they say increases drastically. Prolonged exposure can cause one to end up fully believing in their own words, even if they know they are false or were lies. And as one's belief in something grows, the more brittle it becomes.

    While the spell changes one’s active beliefs, it cannot affect the subconscious nature of one’s core. Just as one may say something and believe it at one moment, and then end up doing something else when the chips are down, so too does the spell only affect one’s current state of conscience. But it is in that cognitive dissonance that the power of the spell lies. If what one is saying does not match one’s true nature, the conflict of interests between one's increased external persona and one's interal nature can cause mental damage. The two beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously pull at one’s conscience, tearing at the victims thoughts. If the gap in what one is saying and what one truly believes is great enough, the dissonance between the two thoughts can cause damage to one’s mind, which can be fatal in the case of true hypocrisy.

    Henry uses this spell to catch and punish liars. In a field where one’s words cannot always be trusted, this spell makes it so that the liars either end up following their words or are ripped apart from within when they go back on their words. Due to its positive reinforcement nature, it is difficult to detect mentally and typically will not set off most mental-interference detectors. It is mostly formalcraft, relying primarily on the material in the cigarettes rather than his own magic circuits.

    Forensic Magecraft (Spiritual Evocation)
    Knowledge of magecraft usable for solving a crime, specifically in the field of spiritual evocation. Some of Henry’s abilities include reliving a victim’s last moments and finding traces of magical energy. Most of these spells are a part of his magic crest; the rest were from his brieg education in the faculty of spiritual evocation. When taken to a high enough level, it would be possible for the user to speak directly to a person’s soul and find the truth, but Henry is far from that level.

    Occasionally Henry ends up having to do some detective work in order to find the truth about one of his cases, and this comes in handy. Otherwise, his skills are rarely good enough to uncover much. He often has to rely on other magi, such as a DNA specialist for example.

    Magic Contracts
    A rudimentary application of binding spells as necessary for someone in his occupation. He is able to draft and compose simple geis scrolls, but his are weak enough that a powerful magus can break through them.

    Mystic Codes/Familiars:

    Liar Liar
    A set of magical cloth in the form of pants. It is made of a highly flammable substance and infused with a firefly spirit. If he ever lies, it is set to catch on fire immediately. The flames will likely not kill him, but the conspicuity of the spontaneous combustion will certainly cast doubt on anything he just said. He uses these as purposeful restraints to keep himself from relying on lies.

    Original Creation Donut Steel
    A thick bracelet made of steel, resembling the shape of a certain confectionary. It is a device used to ascertain the identity of patent submitters. When one submits a patent with Henry, the patent will naturally be recorded to one’s family name. To confirm one’s identity, the bracelet is put around the creator’s wrist and reads both their biological and magical features. If the person wants to later rearrange something regarding the patent, the bracelet can reaffirm whether or not they are the real person, in case of illusions or what not. It is set to allow some margin or leeway for close family members.

    Admittedly, there are many ways to fool the system, which is why it isn’t used by other members of the Faculty of Law, even after Henry pitched it to them. He based the idea off of handcuffs but had to make the steel much thicker to account for the added functions and sturdiness.

    Non-Magecraft Abilities:

    Lawyer Powers
    Adept knowledge of the rules and procedures set forth by the Clock Tower’s at-times unwritten policies. With this comes the power to dance around said rules and abuse them oh so maliciously. There’s a reason they call him the Amazing Attorney!


  2. #222
    夜属 Nightkin sutaa's Avatar
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    This is so, so rushed.

    "Can you quit the whole 'this must be so hard for you' bullshit? Yeah, it's hard, and you don't get it. So stop acting like you get me."

    Name:
    Irumiya Ikuto(要宮育斗)
    Title:
    The Unwanted Heir, Cerebral Resurrectionist
    Gender: Male (?)
    Age: 14 (?)
    Height/Weight: 154cm/47kg
    Birthplace: Japan
    Likes: Caffeine, Praise, Talking to Himself
    Dislikes:
    Sleep, Adults, His Family
    Natural Talents:
    Insomnia
    Natural Enemy:
    The other Irumiya heirs, Waver Velvet
    Image Song: Nightmare

    Origin: Resentment (逆恨み)
    Elemental Alignment: Fire
    Circuit Quantity: B
    Circuit Quality: E
    Circuit Composition: Cris-cross

    character
    A sullen, cold-hearted child, Ikuto is defined almost by the one word "aggression," a fondness for confrontation nary seen in a boy of his age. While initially his teachers in the Clock Tower were willing to forgive his unerring contempt, given the misfortune that has befallen his clan, it soon became clear to them that he would never improve, and that to be scornful was merely his nature. Left an heir with no supporters and with an infant sibling of his own to support, Ikuto has earned himself quite the reputation amongst students, appearing almost to revel in the isolation it earns him. As if to push people away is his goal, one might say.

    That he appears to be near-constantly daydreaming does him no favours, nor his propensity to talk at length aloud, arguing at the air and growing angry at nothing. A deeply disturbed, deeply unpleasant young man, few will have cause to do naught but cheer when he finally graduates.

    A boy who cries to himself in bed and screams I'm sorry into the void, praying he won't fall asleep.


    magecraft
    Irumiya Crest
    The sole cause by which the name Irumiya - that of a humble, five-generation clan from the Japanese backwater - should garner recognition through every reach of the Clock Tower, and one of the most curious thaumaturgical innovations in well over a century. To explain, we must go back just over a century, to when a man named Irumiya Tokichi was first introduced to the wide world of Magecraft. As is oft the case with strangers to this most noble art, Tokichi and his ilk lacked a proper appreciation for the rigmaroles of perfecting one's family craft - the heartless breeding of successive generations, the harsh hierarchies, the selection of but one single heir, and so on. Unlike so many upstarts however, Tokichi was blessed with a smattering of what some might call talent.

    Conventionally, Magic Crests are passed down from one head to the next, risking the loss of the crest should a head or their heir meet an inopportune end. To ensure the survival of his craft, and to guarantee the welfare of his five children, Irumiya Tokichi through his dream-pertaining Magectaft devised a complete overhaul of the system. Irumiya heirs possess a "mental Magic Crest," wherein the knowledge of the family's Spells is compressed into a cognitive construct that can be retained within the mind of the bearer. In short, while a traditional Magic Crest consists of Circuits that can be activated to cast Spells even the current holder does not know, Irumiya Magi subvert this obstacle entirely by simply inscribing the knowledge of their Magecraft directly in the minds of their children. The construct is then embedded within a particular memory in the mind of the target (in the case of Irumiya Ikuto, the memory of scolding his tongue the first time he tasted coffee), and for so long as the person recalls this memory, so too do they recall the inner workings of their Magecraft. Because this is a process that requires a intimate connection between the minds of two individuals, a strong emotional bond is required, typically that of parent and child or husband and wife.

    The task of transferring a Crest, usually one that can take decades of labour, can be performed in just under a month. Because the Crest is entirely mental and the knowledge transferred is retained by the transferer, it even becomes possible for one to possess multiple heirs. Thus did Tokichi break his Magecraft down into five disciplines, pass one down to each of his children, and in his mind guarantee that they would work together to build a more glorious Irumiya family than he could ever imagine.

    That it took not even half a decade after his death for the family to splinter is the subject of several self-deprecating jokes on the nature of Magi.

    Tokiya-Irumiya

    Tokichi's Magecraft was broken down into five disciplines. The children who inherited these disciplines then warred over which among them was most qualified to guide the family, whether their knowledge should be pooled, and the stark gulfs in power between the five techniques. A century later, five Irumiya clans exist, each holding but a portion of the true Irumiya Magecraft. In the case of Ikuto, he is the forebear of Tokichi's second son, Tokiya, who was made the heritor of "dream exploration" Magecraft.

    All Irumiya Magecraft takes as its base core the manipulation of dreams, the creation of a "dreamscape" based around the notion of cognitive loci, and interfacing with the dreams of others. In dreams, the dreamer themselves is the core (Root) of an entire World. Through exploring one's own dreams, it becomes possible to reach the core of the self and attain enlightenment, or so Tokiya's descendents believe. The hope is that, once they have honed their craft sufficiently, they will be able to explore their subconscious right down to level of genetic memory, reach the "existence before birth," and gain insight into some deeper truth within Akasha. The resemblance to a certain other Japanese clan's desire to instead move forward in their perception is startling.

    As their own use of Tokichi's Magecraft typically only affects the individual, Tokiya's descendents unlike their peers have not invested in developing mediums that allow them to interface with the dreams of others more easily. Ikuto and his kin can thus only access another person's mental landscape if a strong emotional connection exists between them, though this need not be reciprocated. Likewise, both parties must be in REM sleep for any interaction to be possible.

    Dream exploration primarily focuses around the notion of memory, and of delving into the layers of either the Magus' or the target's identity. This allows for such applications as
    • Perfect eidetic memory
    • Peering into the subconscious minds of opponents
    • "Reawakening" traits from the genetic memories of animals, allowing even the domestic creatures they use as familiars to regain a portion of their primal nature
    • Recreating a split personality based on one's earlier memories; traditionally upon reaching eighteen, a Tokiya-Irumiya establishes a second self using their memories as a sixteen year-old, replacing this personality when they reach twenty and again every two years, using the divided brain to assist in calculations and planning

    While Ikuto's own grasp of his clan's craft was initially disappointing, he has improved leaps and bounds in the last year - for which he should be thankful, for the untimely deaths of his parents and four elder siblings has placed him as heir. Perhaps because...

    The Goshi's Lost Kingdom
    The unique 'art' of Irumiya Ikuto, it in truth can be labelled neither a technique nor an ability, but an 'accidental invention' born of Ikuto's stark lack of experience. It is an application of Tokiya-style Magecraft he first became familiar with while exploring the mindscape of his elder brother, Ayato, as part of his training; whilst inside, he for but a moment pondered the unfairness of his situation, that he would never know the praise of his more successful siblings - and saw his brother's mind go up in flames.

    Goshi's Lost Kingdom is, ultimately, no different from the standard practice of retrieving memories from the subconscious mind, the most basic of basics among Tokiya's descendents. All that differs is the scope. Rather than bringing a particular moment, or fragment of meaning to mind, Ikuto's Magecraft in essence brings to mind every moment; the memory of stubbing one's toe as a child, of eating breakfast this morning, of reading a book, of meeting a friend, of breathing. Not only is the memory itself revived, but so is the self, the thought patterns and personality of the person as they existed in that exact moment in time. Yourself as you were at five, yourself as you were upon entering adolescence, yourself as you were thirty seconds ago. Millions upon billions of 'selves' are forcibly resurrected and made to share the same body, a screaming incoherent mass of once-weres and near-forgottens. An entire life history being lived all at once, unable to die.

    An internal hemorrhage from intense brain activity usually follows after around twenty seconds, by which point the victim has descended into outright insanity.

    This is not a Spell, and it is not anything Ikuto can call upon at his will. Rather, Goshi's Last Kingdom will autonomously activate should he ever for but a moment experience negative emotions while in another's cognitive space, a burning resentment that expands to encompass all he surveys. Only that a strong emotional bond must exist between him and a potential victim keeps this in check.

    Needless to say, incinerating a person's mind while he is currently in it is not without consequences, as Ikuto discovered shortly after falling asleep following the death of his brother, still working to convince himself he could not be at fault. There, in his own head, he found the scorched remains of his irritating sibling's subconscious, the embers of another mind that had been burnt into his own. A cognitive entity he has taken to calling Nightmare. A collection of mostly-fragmented memories and half-remembered dreams, Nightmare is an existence with a will of its own currently dwelling within Ikuto, providing him with his fallen family member's knowledge of Magecraft in exchange for its constant escape attempts. A portion of his very self attempting to shake itself loose by clawing blindly at the world around it.

    As it exists within Ikuto, Nightmare is capable of using his own Irumiya Magecraft to enter the mental landscapes of others - such as say, his other siblings, or their parents - dragging Ikuto himself along with it, at which point the resulting terror Ikuto felt would typically..... Well. The effort of supporting a conglomerate of his own tortured, raging family members at all times in his subconscious places a heavy strain on Ikuto's sense of self, and it is unlikely he will ever be able to pass on his Crest. That his baby brother, Manato, has yet to develop a 'mind' sufficient to constitute a mindscape is all that may have spared him thus far, and the knowledge of what he may one day do does so weigh on Ikuto's thoughts. To grow close to anyone is now to destroy them. To grow close to no-one is to destroy himself. So ends but a portion of Irumiya Tokichi's well-meaning legacy.
    Last edited by sutaa; November 24th, 2017 at 03:47 AM.

  3. #223
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    well you don't have to wait for me
    but voting already startd
    Quote Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions I
    Dumas flashed a fearless grin at Flat and Jack as he rattled off odd turns of phrase.
    "And most importantly, it's me who'll be doing the cooking."
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.


  4. #224

  5. #225
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    3pts - Lukas Adalbert

    2pts - York Lancaster

    1pt - Henry Rong

    Honorable Mentions: Kit Scorza, Enrica Hiri Crick, Irumiya Ikuto
    Last edited by SleepMode; November 24th, 2017 at 05:45 PM.
    The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
    Coffee would be nice, though.

    [Collection of my Servant Sheets]
    Now Revamped!

  6. #226
    夜魔 Nightmare Express's Avatar
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    If it's that time again already.

    3 points to Lukas Adalbert

    2 points to Koko

    1 point to Henry Rong

    Honorable Mentions to Kit Scorza. Hands down my favorite sheet overall, I just couldn't vote for it in good faith because I don't think it really fit the theme. I can see Voodoo as a practical part of American magecraft society, and would love to see more like it.

  7. #227
    The Long-Forgotten Sight Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    3 to Kit Scorza
    2 to Lukas Adelbert
    1 to Henry Rong
    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  8. #228
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    3 points to Lukas
    2 points to York Lancaster
    1 point to Henry Rong
    My thirst for Antonio grows by the second.

    Man...

    I Make Servants, Some Of Which Are Tragedies

  9. #229
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    3 Pts-Kit Scorza
    2 Pts-Lukas Adalbert
    1 Pt-York Lancaster

    Honorable Mentions: Ikuto, Henry Rong

  10. #230
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Kind of sad that even with all of 8 entries my own sheet has still got no votes at all. Oh well.

  11. #231
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    As for my own votes...

    3 points: Henry Rong. The idea of a magical lawyer is pretty funny. Hypocrite's Oath is creative and I LOLed at the "Pants On Fire" and "Original Creation Donut Steal" references.

    2 points
    : Enrica Crick. Rewriting someone's DNA through music stands out as one of the most creatively bizarre Magecraft ideas I've seen in a while, and her personality is fun too.

    1 point: York Lancaster. The hypnotic suggestion Magecraft is pretty cool, but her personality is what really sold me on this sheet. The idea of a dating-sim loving Magi NEET definitely brought a smile to my face.

  12. #232
    後継者 Successor zikari8's Avatar
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    Since there weren't that many sheets this time, I thought I might as well say a few meaningless words about each one.

    Petty Thoughts
    Koko - Interesting way to play with the Heavy Weather-like ability and put it into the vocabulary of magecraft. Very creative and thought out.

    Lucas - A lovely character with a fitting ability. Both unique and fleshed out, the kind of person you could imagine fitting right in with the world.

    Kit Scorza - Absolutely amazing. Vividly told, well detailed, and charming none the less. That said, I don't know if I'd consider voodoo an unconvential means of killing in the wider realm of magecraft.

    York - Lewd. And I guess cool powers too

    Alain - This one definitely peaks my curiosity. I'd love to have learned more about the certain effects of neuro-linguistic programming.

    Merci - Some cool ideas in a not-as inspiring character. I don't really see any faults, just not anything really stand out either.

    Ikuto - The history and magecraft of the Irumiya family in general is strong enough that it almost completely overshadows Ikuto himself as a character.

    Henry - As a bit of self reflection, I wish I had come up with a more creative ability for him. I wanted to name him Dragon Rong but that was a bit too on the nose.

    With that in mind, my votes are as follows.

    1 Point = Irumiya Ikuto

    2 Point = Kit Scorza

    3 Point = Lucas Aldebart


  13. #233
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zikari8 View Post
    Merci - Some cool ideas in a not-as inspiring character. I don't really see any faults, just not anything really stand out either.
    Fair enough. For her character, I wasn't sure whether to go with an edgy emotionless killer or a friendly yet amoral dominatrix who grants people's desires indiscriminately, even if it costs their own life (like a more sexual version of Sunny's Aldebart). As you can see I ended up going with the former, but perhaps the latter would've been more interesting? I appreciate the feedback, in any case.

  14. #234
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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  15. #235
    Time to burn some dread Daneel Rush's Avatar
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    Well, I handed out the theme, so I feel somewhat obligated to hand out some form of judgment as well, even if it's a hassle. Let me make it clear, though, that I have no intention of reviewing these in an unbiased manner.

    Saron - Enrica Crick
    I like her magecraft. It's weirdly specific, and I'm into that. And that's about it. I don't like Enrica Crick. Rather, I don't see anything that draws me to the character, Enrica Crick. The story I see here is a special snowflake discovering her special snowflake talents and making use of them until SOMETHING DARK HAPPENED, so now she's changed, somehow. I understand what you tried to do, being all vague about "Client 17" and whatever, but I found it too vague to be intriguing. I was not interested enough to think "I want to know her full story".

    Also, circuit quantity is, curiously enough, not a number.
    Sunny - Lukas Adalbert
    Excellent. A little lacking in character conflict, but whatever. It's good to see a completed character from time to time. I have no real criticism, but reading this made me wonder what is it with us always depicting our magi in some position of advantage over others. We might be overprotective of our characters.

    Also, I keep wondering what people have in their minds when they fill out "circuit composition".
    sutaa - Kit Scorza
    Great. It shows effort, it shows dedication. This is top-quality material, which I unfortunately cannot like more because, as stated, it was inspired by one of my silly examples and, well, it's voodoo. It's very cool and awesomely detailed and all, but, well, voodoo killing is an staple of occultism and B-rate modern fantasy. Not quite the "unconventional" I was looking for, unfortunately. I also would have liked to see more about his troubles, the things and/or people that stand in his way (besides the obvious matter of being a criminal).
    Bird of Hermes - York Lancaster
    The character and biography sections showed me a vague image of an almost-cliche-by-this-point "young, unexpectedly-talented magus from a family supposedly in decline". Then the magecraft section sent whatever expectations I had crashing to rock bottom. The base idea of "the mind recognizing illusions as reality" is great if not groundbreaking, but the individual list of spells looks like something out of Kamachi Kazuma's worst days rather than the Nasuverse. Nasuverse magi overspecialize; having a variety of overly different effects (even if they share the same foundation) suggests a rather unique mindset, which the earlier sections did not show me. How can she even conceive "an illusion of conceptual nothingness"? What kind of training do you do to achieve that? Has she attained a form of enlightenment?

    As usual, I can see the cool idea that catalyzed this entry, but the execution I found disappointing. And why are the spells of a British magus in Japanese, anyway!? Chuunibyou!?

    Also, "York Lancaster" is a terrible British name and you should be ashamed of yourself. Just because Nasuverse mages have ridiculous names does notmean you have to lower yourself to that point. I sure as hell hope that's supposed to be an alias. It would go well with the overwhelming chuuni aura around this whole character.
    ylas - Alain Sofia Tokarim
    I like this one a lot. Brief and to the point to a degree I will never be capable of. A unique magecraft heavily grounded in existing Nasuverse lore. It is true that NLP needs more polishing, though, if only to create a more evocative image.
    RoydGolden - Merci de Sade
    This one just does not break through my "originality threshold". "Death by pleasure" is a joke as old as time. Also, the depicted abilities feel disjointed, merely mediocre attempts to make her as "cool" and "dangerous" as possible. I mean, "La petit mort" is just bad. Her "martial arts" have been presented thus far as physical interference, but screw that; inject magic -> illusion world! But then, rapid aging too, because why the heck not? In my honest opinion, it fails at both being Nasu and being chuuni.

    Her personality is not particularly interesting, either, but that might just be a consequence of the medium of expression (an impersonal narrator blandly telling me "she's like that") rather than a fault of the character herself.
    zikari8 - Henry Rong
    I love this. I am not being impartial here, though. He reminds me of an OC I once created and remain very fond of, so I am naturally drawn towards this. Punishment through cognitive dissonance is nothing spectacular, but it is fitting, and builds my impression of the character. The Mystic Codes are also an interesting note which further define th character's personality and ethos. If anything, the one failure I find in this character is that, well, the prompt was "unconventional killing methods". Henry Rong is clearly not one who aims to kill; that would be disastrous to his professional reputation. He is a great character and I'd love to learn more about his work as a magus lawyer, but as a subject of this contest, he does not quite cut it for me.
    sutaa - Irumiya Ikuto
    This was SO CLOSE to being perfect. The background and magecraft are creative, subtle, and fantastic. But the character at the center of all this amazing is just. So. Meh. The size (word count) difference between the "character" and "magecraft" sections speaks on its own. However, that is more of a personal issue. This character has a literally-internal conflict, unique and interesting abilities, and a carefully explained background supporting the development of those abilities. I have to give it at least 1 point.
    Anyway, I should hand out points or something:
    Spoiler:
    3 points: Lukas Adalbert
    2 points: Irumiya Ikuto
    1 point: Alain Sophia Tokarim
    I feel bad I can't give you 1 point: Henry Rong
    But, seriously, is there some new canon I'm not aware of that drives everyone to define "Circuit Composition" as "some sort of shape"?

  16. #236
    The Long-Forgotten Sight Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    Presumably the part where no one knows what the hell it actually means.

    - - - Updated - - -

    including me
    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  17. #237
    Most people treat it as the flavour of the magecraft or concept behind the character. For creative purposes, kind of like their Origin in that they don't really matter unless you specifically want to do something that hinges on their peculiarity. The shape trend I'm guessing comes from Touko shaping her circuits into a self-reinforcing loop or whatever that was.

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    Mobius strip or something
    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  19. #239
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    RoydGolden - Merci de Sade
    This one just does not break through my "originality threshold". "Death by pleasure" is a joke as old as time. Also, the depicted abilities feel disjointed, merely mediocre attempts to make her as "cool" and "dangerous" as possible. I mean, "La petit mort" is just bad. Her "martial arts" have been presented thus far as physical interference, but screw that; inject magic -> illusion world! But then, rapid aging too, because why the heck not? In my honest opinion, it fails at both being Nasu and being chuuni.

    Her personality is not particularly interesting, either, but that might just be a consequence of the medium of expression (an impersonal narrator blandly telling me "she's like that") rather than a fault of the character herself.
    For the rapid aging part, I did try to link that with "illusory satisfaction". The idea is that rather then slowly progressing through their whole life the victim blazes through every positive moment in their life all at once, then dying because there's nothing left in them. That fits with the concept of La Petite Morte; a climax of pleasure which sublimes one's entire life in a single instant.

    I admit that probably doesn't come through so well in the sheet itself. All in all, your critique of my entry is pretty accurate. I still like some of the concepts involved, but I didn't do justice to them as much as I'd have liked if I had more time (Procrastination- rank EX) or inspiration to flesh out her character. Heck, maybe I should've just gone with the dominatrix idea after all...

  20. #240
    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    The shape trend I'm guessing comes from Touko shaping her circuits into a self-reinforcing loop or whatever that was.
    gdi I can't source this, did I mix it up with her mirrored Mystic Eyes or sth

    @You HELP LOL NEVER MIND IT WAS ON THIS VERY PAGE

    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    Spoiler:
    Touko flows her magical energy through her circuits in a mobius strip shape.
    or as they say, canon already did it
    Gotta be either Mahoyo or Case Files.
    Last edited by Leftovers; November 28th, 2017 at 02:14 PM.

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