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Thread: Fate/Parousia

  1. #1
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Fate/Parousia



    FATE/PAROUSIA




    Parousia: An ancient Greek word meaning presence, arrival, or official visit. The word "parousia" is mainly used in Christian theology to refer to the second coming of the Messiah.





    PROLOGUE


    The boy was standing in a white room.

    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.

    That was the only think he couldn't do.

    -I'm sorry…

    The boy was not alone.

    A little girl, with dazzling azure eyes like the ones the boy had, stared at him with a tired smile.

    -I couldn't be strong enough, I'm sorry.

    The little girl begged for her brother's forgiveness.

    Her skin, once radiant and full of life, was nothing more than a pallid shade filled with black veins. Yet, somehow, her face remained almost unnaturally pure.

    -Don't say anything, I'm the one at fault -Sturdily replied the boy, containing the tears in his eyes -You… You were the one who should have survived.

    The girl tried to stretch her arm towards her brother's face, but she lacked the strength to even accomplish that simple task. The arm heavily fell towards the side of the bed, the boy almost jumped at her in panic.

    -Don't overexert yourself! In your condition…

    -I'll die soon, anyway -The little girl interrupted her brother with a look of surrender.

    -Don't say that! I'll find a way! I MUST FIND A WAY TO SAVE YOU!

    A miracle, he thought.

    “God, if you're there, just this time… Please, bestow a miracle upon us and save my sister.”

    But his prayers were never answered, no matter how many times he tried.

    The boy sighed in despair, holding his face between his hands.

    -If I was the one in that bed, I'm sure you'd have already found a way to save me. You were always the best of the two.

    The bed-ridden girl looked at her brother with pity.

    “That's not true, there's nothing we could do about it. I was fated to die that day… There's nothing you could do about it.”

    She wanted to repeat the phrase she told him hundreds of times before ,but instead of words, the only thing that came out of her mouth was blood.

    -No! Not yet! Give me more time! Give me the time to find the miracle!

    Her brother begged to the dying girl's body, but it refused to listen. The hourglass was running on borrowed sand, and the last grain just fell off.

    The countless machines that were connected to her body began to beep frenetically as the girl convulsed, blood dripping from her lips. Soon, a flock of doctors rushed into the room, but there was nothing they could do.

    The last memories the boy had about her sister was her face writhing in agony while a nurse escorted him to the outside.

    That was the day when the boy lost everything.





    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






    Six years later


    Two figures were looking the lights of the city of Drammen, Norway, from a nearby hill. The city, full of activity, was going to be the coliseum for the battle known as “Holy Grail War”. A fight where magus from all the world would gather to slaughter each other in a quest to obtain the Holy Grail, the miraculous device said to concede any wish.

    But… That almighty artifact wasn't the cup that Christ used in the last supper. In fact, there were many artifacts considered “Holy Grails”. Many Wars were fought in order to obtain such devices,always ending in a tragedy for almost everyone involved. Yet, people would still put their lives on the line to attain the wish-granting device.

    One of the two observers was a “Master”, someone acknowledged by the Grail as worthy to reclaim it. The man, clad in a blue jacket and jeans, was smoking a cigarette absent-minded. His azure eyes stared at the boisterous city without interest, while the Nordic wind gently blew his golden hair.

    The other being was his “Servant”.

    Despite theoretically being a clash of mages, there was a fundamental factor that made the Holy Grail Wars stand out above other supernatural conflicts, the existence of the entities known as “Servants”:Heroes brought from the records of human history, beings of legend called forth by the will of the Grail to assist the participants of the Holy War into slaughtering each other. From historical figures like Alexander the Great or Solomon the Wise, to legendary heroes like King Arthur or the demigod Heracles, each one of them was a being of incommensurable power that dwelt into realms of mystery that no actual human could reach. In a sense, they could be called the pinnacle of humanity itself.

    Every Master would summon a Servant into the war, feed it with his own magic energy, known as Prana, and command it to slaughter enemy servants and masters until only the victor remained. To establish their position and allow them to summon said heroes, the Grail would give all the selected Masters three Command Spells, stigmas clad in their hand that branded them as participants of the war. Each Command Spell would allow them to give their Servants an absolute order. From killing themselves or performing others acts against their nature to perform miracles close to True Magic, the Command Spells were trump cards that allowed to form the contract between Master and Servant,ensuring that only those chosen by the Grail could win the Holy War.

    Normally, every war would have a set of seven pairs of master and servant, with each servant falling into a specific class, giving them a certain set of special skills, like Magic Resistance or the ability to act independently without a Master. Also, every hero had skills of his own, the aspects that shaped their legend and conformed their identity. For example, a descendant of the Gods like Heracles or Gilgamesh would have Divinity, while someone famous for surviving all kind of battles with grievous wounds like the Irish hero Cu Chulainn would have Battle Continuation.

    The seven common classes are Saber, spirit of the sword, Archer, spirit of the bow, Lancer, spirit of the spear, Rider, the mounted warrior,Caster, the spirit of magic, Assassin, the spirit of stealth and Berserker, the mad spirit. There were other classes, like Ruler or Gunner, but those were considered abnormalities that could only be brought under very specific circumstances, like someone altering the fundamentals of the war itself.

    That was the case in this war, in which three more servants were summoned.

    The being that the blonde boy called was one of them.

    -What do you think of that city, Avenger? -Stated the man.

    Avenger, Spirit of Vengeance, a class reserved for heroes who had their legends stained by hatred, and who in return spread hatred upon the world. That Servant's case was even more of an abnormality in a class that was already heresy to the usual rules of the War, as it was somehow granted the powers of another class, Assassin, as a secondary parameter.

    The other individual, who was little more than a crimson cloak swirling in the wind, replied with a childish voice.

    -It's so lively! I can't wait to begin to roam free and slaughter everyone!

    -Restrain yourself, the Holy Grail War must be fought in the shadows.

    -You're not fun…

    -Did I seriously summon a piece of work like you? -Stated the boy, beginning to loose his cool.

    During the summoning ritual, the mages can use relics associated with a concrete hero to summon it. For example, the sword wielded by a certain knight would likely summon that knight as a Servant. More generic catalyst also existed, like a shard of the round table or apiece of the gates of Troja, in those cases the summoned servant would likely be a hero who had a personality similar to the caster.

    The boy didn't prepare a catalyst, hoping to summon a hero who bestowed great compatibility with himself. Yet, when that girl in red appeared, she said that she was surprised to see a catalyst so refined.

    Also, the girl refused to reveal her identity to the man. Her parameters were only partially visible to him. When questioned about it, the girl simply replied.

    “Well, I don't know how should I put this… I guess you could call me Red Riding Hood”

    He could have forced her to reveal her exact nature with a Command Spell, but that seemed like unnecessary trouble, so he just went along with it. In fact, he treated that Servant as a female only because of that name. Her body was always hidden under the red cape and bandages, and her voice was too childish to discern her gender.





    -Master, I sense conflict -Ignoring his master's rant, Avenger pointed at an old industrial district of the city -Shall I go?

    -No -Ordered the blonde man -It's still too early to show ourselves. For now, let's wait.

    -You're SO boring -Muttered his Servant as it disappeared, swallowed by her own cape, while the man kept staring at the city.

    -Just a little more -Affirmed that man, Reiss Lunark, as he looked at the battleground of the Holy War -Just wait a little more, sister, until I bring you back to life.

    That's how the man who wished to save the most precious thing to him, and the creature who desired to destroy everything precious to others, entered the Cursed Holy Grail War.














    PREVIEW


    I know that my redeemer lives.

    -My wish… Is to destroy the Holy Grail.
    -In the name of Knighthood, I will stop you!

    And that, in the end, he will stand upon the Earth.

    -That Servant has the blood of dragons running through his veins!
    -Yeah,that spear was wielded by a certain king of the gods long ago.

    After my skin has been destroyed,

    -Proud warrior, show our opponents... The power of mankind.
    -You lost any right to beg for mercy when you spilled the blood of those children.

    Yet, in my flesh, I will see God.

    -I will destroy the curse.
    -Hahahaha! You're funny, human! I'll kill you the last!

    I, myself, will see him with my own eyes.

    -Even in an era where gods roamed alongside men, that warrior never showed them any servitude.
    -I wish to become Angra Mainyu.

    I, and not another.

    -They call me Jack.
    -Let's break the board and see how the pieces descend into hell!

    How my heart yearns within me,

    -What would your little sister though if she saw what you've become?
    -Please, just die for the sake of my wish.

    Amen.












    Notes and info:

    Hi! I'm new to the forum, pleased to meet you. Here is the preview of a Fate fic that has been in my mind for some time. I'd like to make a few points:

    -Despite it's title, this fic (and myself) has no particular religious inclinations.
    -Unfortunately, english is not my native language, so any corrections are welcome.
    -Although it will surely have references to characters appearing in Type-Moon series, the characters in this fic will be originals (Except a certain Servant, who made a small appearance in a Type-Moon work). Despite so, sometimes I'll use the designs of characters from other series as visual reinforcement.
    -The cursive letters in the "preview" are the words that Kirei says at Tokiomi's funeral.
    -Hope you enjoy it! Any comment/advice is welcome ^^
    Last edited by Siege; July 28th, 2017 at 02:46 PM.

  2. #2
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    This actually looks like it could be pretty cool. Though it's fairly evident you're not a native speaker with the various typos scattered about, most concentrated in the prologue section. You refer to the protag's sister by male pronouns a few times and there's a couple awkward word-choices (such as "convoluted" when "convulsed" would be more fitting, or "sturdy" instead of "sturdily" said). Certainly easy to correct though.

    I don't think you really need the big info-dump on the nature of the Holy Grail War and Servants which is pretty much unchanged from canon. Since this is a Fate fanfic posted on a forum dedicated to Fate and related works, I think it's fair to assume readers will be familiar with the basic premise involved without needing to play catch-up. Just a brief summary that the Grail grants wishes and Servants are mythical heroes summoned from the past should be enough...

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    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Hi! Thanks, I think the pronoun errors are corrected now. Are there any other strange typos?

    Yeah, the big info dump may be redundant in the fate forum, but I thought about sending it to a few friends who more or less frequently read the things I write, and unfortunately they're not into type-moon (Yet).

  4. #4
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post
    The boy sighted in despair, holding his face between his hands.
    This is the only other typo that I noticed (I presume you meant "sighed"?). And yeah, the exposition makes more sense if you're intending it to some extent for a non-Nasuverse familiar audience...

  5. #5
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Chapter 1: The festivities of the warriors





    The wind was blowing.

    A merciless wind, a steel hurricane that swept away every sound.

    The cold gaze of the stars was fixed on the silent abandoned district, and the two figures that defied said silence.

    Under the heavenly vault, both warriors exchanged blows at a speed that couldn't be followed by human eyes.

    The robed figure danced amidst the trees of the park, his spear singing battle hymns as it slashed the air.

    The golden lance, covered in runes, clashed against a walking wall.

    The piercing strikes of the weapon were blocked by the mighty shield of the adversary.

    A second later, the place were Lancer stood was ravaged by his enemy's battle axe.

    The attacks from the opposing servant unleashed shockwaves that pierced through the earth and the trees, unleashing clouds of debris and shattering the windows of nearly buildings.

    If a common person were to look at that scene, the first thought that would come to his mind would be that he had gone insane.

    After all, ¿How could that monstrous weapon, so humongous that even a professional lifter would have trouble holding it with both hands, be so easily swung by that red-haired man while wielding a towering shield in his free arm?

    Yeah… No living being should be able to achieve that feat, a miracle that one would expect to be only seen in ancient myths about monster-slaying heroes and living legends.

    But, at the same time… There shouldn't be anyone capable of fending those attacks and find openings for a counter-attack, maintaining his ground despite the red-haired warrior's intimidating physique.

    Yet, the old man, clad in a dirty brown robe, maintained a defensive fight against the bronze-coated assailant.





    Making a guard stance, Lancer offered a praise.

    -You're not bad. At first you looked like a Berserker, but your movements are far too skilled for a mad warrior, and the strength you have is far above those of Caster and Assassin -The enemy Servant allowed Lancer to continue, as both adversaries assessed the information they obtained during their exchange of blows -You don't seem to wield a bow or sword either, and I've already taken the mantle of Lancer, so… Are you Rider perhaps? Or one of the three unknown Servants?

    -Are you asking me to reveal my class? -Replied the red-haired Servant, lowering his weapons, as Lancer's spear danced around his fingers. The spirit of the lance whistled and looked at his opponent with a wicked smile.

    -C'mon, I've already confirmed my identity! I recognize you as a proud warrior against whom I can fight to the fullest! The least you can do is show a bit of reciprocation! -Lancer started to walk in circles around his enemy as he spoke, with the spear still rotating in his hands -Unless… You're a coward who would refuse a proper duel and would trample over his honor for victory.

    Lancer felt an ominous pressure as soon as the words left his lips. The eyes of the axe-bearer were filled with murderous intent.

    -Master, please… Allow me to regain my pride -Contrasting with his wrathful aura, the voice of the Servant was quiet.

    After a few seconds, the red-haired warrior nodded.

    -Thank you, Master -After saying those words to the air, the stare of the towering servant focused on Lancer's body -You can call me Shielder, Heroic Spirit of the Shield -Finally said, pointing the tip of his axe towards Lancer -Consider this information your parting gift.

    As if accepting his opponent's killing intent, Lancer wildly smiled, showing his teeth like a raving beast.

    -Yeah, that's how it should be… Two warriors facing each other, with a name and a purpose. Two wills clashing against each other, I praise the gods for letting me participate in this glorious fight.

    -Are those gods you hold so high the ones who gave you that sickening spear?

    -Well… Yeah, that spear was wielded by a certain king of the gods long ago, but it seems a little dull tonight -Lancer stopped the movements of his spear and gripped it tightly with both hands -But I have a great pride in that weapon, so your comment just now -Prana started to quickly gravitate towards the tip of the lance, covering it with electricity -I'll just force you to apologize with your last breath!

    Lancer threw his treasured weapon at Shielder, who intercepted the strike with his mighty defense. Surges of lightning erupted from the point of impact, scorching the ground around them.

    -It's as I thought -Lancer's frame appeared behind Shielder, whose field of vision was greatly reduced due to his greatshield and the light from the spear. Using that narrow opening, Lancer closed the distance whilst Prana began to accumulate in his right hand.

    For a second, Shielder saw the frame of a black sword appearing in the empty hands of Lancer, but it only lasted a moment.

    Lancer retreated in a mighty jump, while the space that he occupied a second ago was invaded by the greataxe of Shielder. When he was about thirty meters away, the lightning spear returned to his hands.

    -What… -Shielder was going to ask Lancer why he choose to retreat that far instead of continuing with his assault, but he was interrupted by the spear-wielder, who greeted him with a grin.

    -It seems I went a bit too far. I was gonna reveal something that shouldn't be used, but my master talked some sense into me. You see, I'll call it a day -As he spoke those words, the old man began to slowly walk away, giving his back to Shielder -You… At first I thought that you degraded my weapon, but it seems that even my skills are encumbered if they were related to the gods. What should I call you? An apostate? A heretic? An anti-divine Servant?

    -Call me whatever you want, I care not for titles. But if you were to inquire about my nature… I'd say that I'm someone who is willing to use the strength of mankind to reach the realms of the forgotten tyrants -Shielder's tone was stern and firm, he sounded like a general talking to his tropes -But I'm more interested in you… A Lancer who wields magic and a blade, what kind of being are you?

    Lancer sighed.

    -So you saw it…

    Shielder noticed it when he saw the abnormal way in which the prana circulated around Lancer's body. He was enhancing his body with some kind of reinforcement magic, in order to match Shielder's prowess. It was thanks to that trick that Lancer survived the exchange of blows.

    He also used the same kind of magic to reinforce his spear with lightning before throwing it, increasing it's strength and compensating for the downgrade in rank that the lance received from Shielder's presence.

    But… The sword was something different.

    Shielder only saw it for a moment, but it was a Noble Phantasm without doubt.



    “Noble Phantasm”

    The crystallized mysteries of Heroic Spirits. The sublimation of their legends, turned into weapons, spells and enchantments: From holy demon-slaying sword, to cursed spears that would never miss, and even armors made of dragon blood or the curse of being a vampire. Noble Phantasms are in a sense the “core” itself of a Servant's legend, and it's greatest triumph card.

    In a sense, the Class System allocates the Servants in one category or other depending on their affinity and deeds, which are often synthesized in their Noble Phantasm. Following that principle, someone who has a Sword as a Noble Phantasm will likely be a Saber, while those who use a projectile weapon will be Archers.

    Of course, there are Servants who have more than one Noble Phantasm. Servants boasting great fame or luck, and who received countless gifts, like Achilles or Perseus, are considered among the strongest. But typically, a Servant won't wield more than one or two Noble Phantasms.



    -Could you pretend that you didn't saw anything? I'm not very fond of that weapon -Pleaded Lancer.

    -You didn't seem to care about it a few seconds ago.

    -Ah… But that was because I was seriously trying to kill you! But now that I've been ordered to retreat, I don't have any need to draw it -Casually replied Lancer.

    -You're assuming that I'll let you leave.

    -Oh… -Lancer turned slightly after hearing Shielder's provocation -I guess that dragging our little confrontation any further would likely force us to reveal the true nature of our Noble Phantasm, and therefore our true names. I'd say that this is the first fight of the Grail War, it would be best to keep the leak of information at minium.



    True Name, the identity of a Servant.

    A Servant will always try to keep its True Name unknown, as it can expose its greatest weakness.

    For example, a Servant who died from poisoning will be naturally susceptible to it, so an enemy with that knowledge can use it against them. This can also reveal weak points, like Achilles heel or the back of the dragonslayer Siegfried.

    It also reveals the Servant's abilities, allowing their opponents to prepare counter-measures. For example, if the enemy Servant uses a flaming sword, the Master will probably cast a spell against fire in his own Servant to reduce the damage taken.

    Therefore, it's a matter of vital importance to keep it hidden.



    Unfortunately, as Noble Phantasms are the crystallization of their legends, revealing their Noble Phantasms often lead to their True Identities being discovered. But Shielder and his master couldn't give it less thought.

    They fought in this war as a mean to prove their supremacy. Showing fear against their opponents and running away was a shame far greater than death. Therefore, the brown-haired man who was observing the confrontation from the top of a nearly building spoke to the crimson stigmas in his right hand with a voice that sounded like wrought iron.

    “Proud warrior, show our opponents... The power of mankind.”

    “Fight to your heart's desire and carve into their souls the fear of your might”

    Shielder's master, Liurf Arianhord, gave the order.

    It was not an order against the servant's will or one that required the usage of an outer source of prana, therefore, no command spells were consumed. Yet, Shielder's presence began to dramatically rise.

    -Master, this is getting complicated. Any plans? -Lancer's voice sounded concerned, but the truth was that he was looking forward to that fight.

    Under normal circumstances, he would've jumped straight at the bronze-coated warrior in a simple clash of wits, just for the fun of facing a strong enemy. But, unfortunately, his master told him the truth about the Holy Grail War.

    It was a cursed ritual bound to bring ruin to the world, therefore, it must be stopped.

    Lancer and his master, Soren Revik, were probably the only pair of master and servant who wished for the destruction of the Holy Grail War itself. Therefore, they couldn't afford to reduce their chances of victory, even by 1%, revealing anything about their identities.

    They just took advantage of the fact that Shielder revealed his presence looking for a challenger. Their plan was to simply obtain information and run away after a few blows, but if that warmonger really intended to crush Lancer here and now…




    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





    In an underground basement

    An old man was sitting with his eyes closed, surrounded by maps, weapons and piles of data. An absurd amount of information about the architecture of the city, it's history and it's leylines. Also, it had lots of old newspapers talking about great accidents, every single of them filled with annotations about the article's incongruences and the possible responsible of the destruction.

    That magus, Soren Revik, spent almost thirty years hunting Grail Wars and sabotaging them. He could never get into any great war until now, but he stopped a handful of minor ones, getting better at it with every war he survived.

    He learned to use traps and extortion, to toss away others for his own survival, to track masters and destroy their layouts taking minimum risks… But, even when he effectively won, the Grail's were unable to perform the task of “completely destroy all the Holy Grails”. Soren figured out that, in order to do so, he would need the True Grail.

    Covered with a black coat, the man mentally analyzed all the information that was being brought to him by his gray wolf familiars.

    -Curse it, if I was there I could eliminate him with a sniper rifle -Thought Soren as one of the wolves sent him footage of the top of one of the buildings. The man analyzed his options.

    “Maybe if I use them… No, the wolves won't take a trained magus capable of maintaining that monstrous Servant.”

    As he pondered the best course of action, he sensed another presence approaching the battlefield.

    “No, impossible… A third servant?”





    ---------------------------------------------------------------------




    Abandoned area

    Lancer was barely managing to survive.

    Focusing all his strength into his defense, the spear master managed to narrowly avoid the unstoppable mass of steel that would split him in half instantly.

    -Oi, wati! Wait! Can't we be a little more civilized!? -Shouted Lancer as he avoided a swing that almost decapitated him -Ok, I've tried to murder you five minutes ago, but that's all in the past! C'mon, Shieldy, let's be friends!

    Shielder replied with his greataxe, sending a shockwave that annihilated everything in front of him, yet Lancer cheated death one more time and managed to evade the attack. The old man was beginning to carve a set of runes in the air with the tip of his spear, when the senses of both Servants screamed about the upcoming danger.

    A rain of stars, coated in stormy winds, annihilated the area around them. Lancer jumped backwards and made a barrier using runes, while Shielder simply raised his shield to block the storm, as everything around them was turned to rubble.

    -Gosh… Seems that everyone is so lively tonight -Muttered Lancer, looking at the Moon. Or, more precisely, at the figure that stoically stood in front of it.

    A dark-skinned man, coated in egyptian clothing, majestically stood atop a chariot pulled by two white horses. The right hand of the man was holding a black and golden bow.

    -You! I don't know who you are, but to soil our duel with a sneak attack speaks nothing but of your cowardice! -Shouted Shielder, pointing his axe at the heavenly observer.

    -Don't listen to him! I'm an innocent bystander, and he is a psycho who goes around swinging that humongous axe! Call the police! -Shouted Lancer, but the dark-skinned man ignored both of them.

    -Tell us, are you here to fight against other heroes for the sake of glory? If that's so, descend to the ground and let's fight each other as proud warriors!

    In response to Shielder's rant, the egyptian Servant's face was invaded by a twisted smile.

    -Sneak attack? Are you daring to tell the Great King that he would stain his pride with the lowly tactics of assassins and conspirators? Foolish warrior, that little drizzle was nothing more than the way of the King to see if his enemies were worth slaying.

    -Are you implying that the best way to find if someone is not worth killing… Is to murder him? -Stated Lancer.

    -Would you call murderer to someone who steps into a bug, Spirit of the Spear? Or should the King rephrase it so that lowly lives can understand it? That attack before… Was just my way of knowing if I would have to put you down personally or not.

    After his proclamation, the king unleashed another volley of arrows from the black bow. This time, the targets were specifically the two heroes who stayed in the ground, unable to reach him. Yet, the roaring storm was again deflected by the two Servants who stood on the ground.

    “Lancer, retreat now! We can't allow ourselves to become the center of the festivities!”

    Soren's voice echoed in the mind of the spear-wielder, forcing him to make a flustered face.

    -Tsk, seems that my master is in a bit of a hurry, would you mind if I stepped aside? Anyway, you two seem way more eager to begin the war.

    -Dirty coward! -Shouted Shielder, looking at the departing figure of the fleeting Lancer.

    -Let him be -Ordered the wielder of the bow -In the end, you and him will eventually become cornerstones for the desires of the king. It's the fate of humans, after all.

    -Humanity doesn't need that sort of royalty -Replied Shielder -A king with no subjects is nothing more than a fool.

    Seeing his way of kingship rejected, the Egyptian monarch jumped towards the ground, gracefully landing fifty meters in front of Shielder.

    -No, the king is absolute, the king is the bridge between humans and their makers. Therefore, humanity itself doesn't have any sense without a king to unite it with the Gods.

    -And who says that humanity needs them? A king who is subjected to the whims of the gods isn't better than a puppet! To make that kind of existence a representative they could have just made a doll and gave it a crown! -Shielder ranted against his enemy, who represented everything he rejected until the very end.

    Even in an era where gods roamed alongside men, the red-haired man never showed them any servitude.

    In the so-called “Age of Gods”, the individual who would be summoned in this Grail War as Shielder only saw them as existences that needed to be surpassed. Yet, that man was one of the greatest warriors of his era.

    Towering above his peers, that individual who only revered the might of his brothers in arms carved his name in history while rejecting the gods. Yet, due to that same recklessness and indomitable will, he managed to fight on the same league as the paladins of those gods with his own strength.

    The man, who could be labeled as a “Champion of humanity”, was now faced with his exact opposite.

    Someone who believed in the absolute strength of the gods.

    Someone who roamed the soaring lands of the Nile undefeated, serving as a messenger and executioner of the Ancient Lords.

    That man believed in the entity known as “King”, not only as a ruler, but as a pillar for all mankind. To him, the King was absolute, a being beyond humanity placed by the gods to guide their vassals. The king's duty was to lead and support his people as the one above them, and at the same time his subjects should sacrifice themselves for the dreams of that heavenly being. To that man, Shielder's idea of the king being equal to his subjects was the greatest Heresy.

    Both of them were great warriors, like Lancer, who carved their names in history with their own hands. Taking great pride in their deeds, no one was going to admit defeat in front of the ideals of the other.

    Therefore, they both reached the same conclusion.

    “In the end, the one who survives will be right.”

    The Egyptian ruler took five pitch-black arrows and loaded them simultaneously in his bow, as his prana forced the wind around him to accelerate, coating the projectiles in a deathly storm.

    -He must have observed me before, and estimated that was the appropriate range to strike me down -Thought Shielder -But if he's Archer, then I have the advantage.

    Shielder raised his shield before him, loading it with Prana. Archer identified that action as the preparations before unleashing his Noble Phantasm, so he forced even more strength into his own. Yet, the divine winds that protected him seemed somehow dull around the red-haired warrior who began to advance towards him.

    Shielder, who looked like a walking wall from Archer's perspective, sensed the immense pressure in the tips of the arrows.

    -Lord of strength -Archer began to chant the invocation of his ultimate attack.

    Despite being an Anti-Army attack, Archer was sure that he could concentrate it in Shielder and utterly pulverize him. The acceleration of the wind made surges of plasma manifest around the arrows.

    Shielder began to manifest his conceptual Noble Phantasm, a shield that no arrow could penetrate.

    Yet, before he could began his incantation…

    -Stop!

    A voice coming from the skies ordered them to cease their conflict.

    The order, which came from Archer's chariot, was shouted by a woman clad in silver armor.

    -Master, you have no right to interrupt an execution led by the King! -Stated Archer as he leaped into the air, holding to the wall of a building with one hand, getting away from Shielder's charge.

    -Archer, you've assessed your opponents, as you wanted. Slaying an opponent that is already weakened from a previous fight will only stain the name of the King -Replied the girl, making his servant sigh in resignation.

    -Don't look down on me, Master of Archer! If the previous fight could dismiss my abilities, I would've never been recognized by the Throne of Heroes -Replied Shielder, staring at the figure that now presided Archer's chariot.

    On top of the majestic Noble Phantasm stood a girl in her twenties, whose appearance was not so different from that of a Servant. Her knightly and stern visage made her look like a warrior from past ages. That look was further reinforced by her fiery golden hair and opal-blue eyes. In her waist rested a sheathed sword.

    -Noble warrior, my apologies for not answering properly to your challenge and for my Servant's ruthlessness. We were delayed, so Lancer reached you before us. Had it been not the case, we would've had a proper duel -Stated the golden-haired master, Anna Vilien, as the purple cape at her back waved -I wouldn't dare to insult the skills that you honed during your lifetime, but please, understand this: Our desire is not to trample over the pride we both hold as Monarch and Knight respectively, but to uphold those principles and conquer this Holy War staying true to our oaths. Therefore, this confrontation would only bring shame upon ourselves if we dragged it any longer.

    Archer silently approved his master's proclamation, allowing her to speak freely.

    Although she was a master in name only, as their relationship has been of Knight and Monarch the whole time.

    Anna's family, a dynasty of sorcerers who served as court mages under numerous kings, was an irregularity in the magic world.

    Called a bunch of fanatics unfitted to wear the mantle of magus, they honed their magecraft as a secondary skill, being swallowed in the delusions of knighthood and honor told in ancient tales. The Vilien family, despite having a long history, could hardly be called “average” in terms of sorcery. Yet, maybe because of this, they also avoided having any disaster in their family history.

    Anna grew up hearing the tales of majestic knights in shining armor, defeating fire-breathing dragons and rescuing princesses from abandoned castles. Of course, she was bounded to stumble across the tales of the Quest for the Grail. That was the moment when her fate was sealed.

    “I, too, will begin a quest to find the Grail.”

    Enraptured by knighthood, that girl lived all her life trying to emulate those pious, noble beings of legend. The moment when the stigmas manifested in her hand, she almost cried of utter joy.

    “Finally, I shall reunite with Galahd, Bors and Percival.”

    After that, Anna frenetically looked for a catalyst. Her family had a few relics that could be used to summon some renowned knights, but the flame of desire burned heavily in her chest, urging her to find a concrete catalyst.

    A shard of the round table.

    If she was going to risk her life and fight against the beings of myth known as Servants, she would do so in company of the greatest knights of all time. Unfortunately, she was scammed, and the ancient chunk of wood that she bought paying a ridiculous amount of money was never a fragment of the place were the legendary knights reunited.

    But it wasn't a worthless item either, it was simply tied to another heroic spirit.

    Far away from the lands of Camelot, that shard of wood once traversed the lands of the Nile as an instrument of worship and fear.

    That shard was a piece of his chariot, therefore, when that Heroic Spirit heard it calling for it's righteous master, wishing to roam free across the land and the skies once more, he answered it.

    The dark-skinned man, who reconquered the lands of his ancestors and began the foundation of Egypt's greatest age, accepted her as his vassal.

    The one who served, Anna Vilien, Archer's master.

    The one who ruled, Servant Archer, restorer of Egypt's glory. His true name, Ahmose I.

    The pair, who recognized Shielder as a worthy foe, made a solemn Oath.

    -Servant of the Shield, take this promise as a compensation for your battle -Proclaimed Anna, raising her sword. It was a weapon that differed greatly from the ones Shielder and Archer encountered during their lifetimes: A mixture of rapier and longsword, with a blade made of white crystals. The sword seemed to emanate some kind of light from it's core -I, in the royal name of Vilien, and under the gaze of the distant stars, thereby announce this: That the life and fate of the Servant under the class of Shielder shall be taken only by the Spirit of the Bow, under a fair duel, upholding the noble principles of chivalry.

    After her proclamation, Anna's Servant charged his legs with prana and jumped towards the chariot, graciously falling in top of it. Archer stared at Shielder, before taking the reins of the horses and charge towards the nighty sky, leaving the red-haired warrior alone.
    Last edited by Siege; July 28th, 2017 at 02:50 PM.
    The turtle moves!

  6. #6
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I gave most of my commentary in the beta-read already, so I'll just say that this is some good stuff. The Servant FCs are a nice touch as well. I take it you couldn't find a fitting one for Shielder? Or have you just not decided to reveal it yet? Unfortunately, there's one last teeny mistake I forgot to correct in my initial reading. (I knew I was missing something...)

    Quote Originally Posted by Siege
    After saying those words to the air, the Stare of the towering servant focused on Lancer's body
    Since it's not a proper name or the beginning of a sentence, "Stare" should not be capitalized here. Everything else is fine; though I still wonder why you use hyphens for speech rather then standard quotation marks...

  7. #7
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Chapter 2: Poison



    In an abandoned church

    The creature was eating. It's grotesque mouth, filled with teeth close in shape to a piston, crushed the flesh and bones of it's victims without distinction.

    -Hahahahaha!

    In the midst of the carnage, a naked girl was frantically laughing.

    -Yes, Berserker, kill them all!

    Although not a single trace of life could be found in the desecrated bodies of the church members, she still ordered her Servant to continue with the massacre.

    The giant monstrosity continued to pulverize the bodies of the unit sent to execute the girl. It lacked any sense of rationality, so it simply followed it's instincts as a Servant and continued to destroy those who tried to harm it's master, the girl who called herself Aegis Mircalla.

    It was not her true name, but only one of the hundreds that she used during her long existence, yet she favored it as a memento of her inspiration, the Countess of Blood, another member of her kin.

    A bloodsucker, a monster who dwelt in nightmares and preyed upon life... A dead apostle, also called vampire.

    As a testament of her unnatural nature, the skin and hair of Aegis were deprived of any color. Only the blood of her enemies and the skull-shaped stigmas in her right hand broke her ash-white appearance.

    That, and the burning crimson of her eyes, pulsating with bloodlust and hatred.

    -Oh, seems like the party is already over. Fucking dogs of the Church, if they haven't tried to stop the ritual we could've gone there too.

    After obtaining the Command Spells, Aegis became incredibly active, prompting the church to label her as a primary target. Unfortunately, the squadron sent to execute her arrived too late, and were completely decimated by the Dead Apostle and her Servant.

    The towering Berserker, whose abnormal body was barely contained by the church Aegis used as a basement, slightly lowered it's head. Although it was unable to comprehend the reasons, it felt that it's master was annoyed.

    -Oh, don't worry my pet, we're gonna break some ruckus soon.

    With a wicked smile, Aegis began to walk towards the center of the church, while compressing the blood of the church assailants into a sphere around her size, diving inside it.




    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





    At the same time, in a basement in the outskirts

    -I ask you, are you fit to be my master?

    Lodrin stopped his gaping and began to regain his composure. Clouds of residual prana still floated around the summoning circle, now filled with the overwhelming presence of the imperial Servant.

    -Yes, I will reach the Grail -Firmly declared the boy, whose vision was beginning to get blurry again. He opened and closed his only eye quickly, trying to hide his weakness.

    -I see -Murmured the Heroic Spirit, looking at the pitiful state of his master. Although partially hidden by a crimson robe, he could see how half of his body was taken over by some kind of metallic substance -Won't your condition be an inconvenience?

    -Don't mind it, I will just endure it -Stoically replied Lodrien Elvier. With a quick glance, the boy asserted the state in which his defective Crest left his body -Fight without reserves.

    -I can't afford to lose my master in the midst of battle, I'd rather not accidentally kill you -Informed the red-haired Servant, maintaining his stern look.

    -Then just defeat all our enemies before I burn out.

    -Is that your wish, Master?

    -What? -Asked Lodrien, surprised.

    -I'm asking you... Are you willing to lay down your life and the lives of our enemies for the sake of victory in this war?

    -Yes, if I can't win... Then I'm as good as dead.

    It was the truth. Lodrien's family devoted themselves to magecraft specialized in the manipulation of metals, but a failed experiment of one of his ancestors led their crest to be defective, slowly devouring it's wielder and turning it into a silver statue. More importantly, the parts already infected could replicate themselves as a parasite, invading other organisms after extended contact and turning them into statues too. For Lodrien, since his father passed away, all his life consisted in avoiding others due to his fear of accidentally killing them.

    More than anything, he wished for the Grail to repair the crest and allow him to embrace someone again.

    Therefore, the left eye of the man, drenched in red due to the malfunctions that his body was experiencing, didn't show any trace of fear or resignation as Lodrien replied to his Servant. The only thing that the heroic spirit saw in that stare... Was the desperate will of a man who would do anything to reverse his fate.





    -Very well, I shall become your sword. As the strongest Servant, I shall ascertain your victory in this war.

    -I'm counting on you then, Saber.





    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    In an underground cave

    -HAHAHAHAHA!

    A maniacal laughter invaded the cavern where the summoning had taken place.

    In the center of the blood-drawn circle, a black figure was standing.

    -I did it, I did it! I knew I could do it, but still… I did it!

    Under the gaze of the shadow, a person was pridefully smiling.

    He was a Caucasian man in his thirties, with black hair and the eyes of a snake, one of them covered by a monocle enhanced by a spell that allowed him to increase his detection skills. He was wearing a white suit, magically reinforced to stop bullets and prevent it from being stained by blood during that man's craft.

    The summoner, a fugitive of the Clock Tower called George Andromalius, achieved his objective. Yet, after a few seconds of observation, he felt that something was off.

    -I thought he would bear a skull mask -Murmured George, looking at Assassin.

    The man seriously pondered which servant should he summon. In the end, he narrowed it down to two basic rules: It mustn’t diminish his magic abilities, and It should be a hero who didn't care about his methods to attain victory.

    The three abnormal categories were out of question, as he didn't have enough information about them, and Saber, Lancer and Archer were also discarded, as they usually held noble principles reinforced by their aspect as “Knights” and generally needed a high Prana supply to deploy their full abilities. There were some exceptions, but George refused to take the risk of looking for a specific Catalyst, as it greatly increased the chances of being discovered, specially if it belonged to a highly praised hero.

    In the end, he settled for Assassin. Berserker's absurd mana consumption would practically forbidd the use of his craft, in which he took great pride. Rider was a wild card, and Caster would be rendered ineffective against servants with high Magic Resistance, specially Saber. More so, the stealthy Assassin bestowed great compatibility with his underhand tactics.

    But… The Servant he summoned was strange.

    Usually, all of the Servants would be members of the sect of Hassan-I Sabbah, the sect that became the root of the word “Assassin”. The class itself was a catalyst for those Heroic Spirits, who were famous for always wearing a black mantle and a white mask resembling a human skull.

    But, for some reason, the mask that George's Servant had… Resembled the face of a demon.

    It was a white porcelain mask that seemed to fuse with Assassin's cloak, a twisted face with spikes and a third eye in it's forehead.

    -Are you… The one I shall call Master? -Inquired the shadow.

    -What? -The voice of that creature, which was little more than a whistle, brought him back to the real world -Oh, yes! Of course! I'm the one who summoned you -Boasted George, fighting to regain his composure.

    -Very well, therefore I swear, in the name of Allah, to hunt down those who oppose us.

    After receiving confirmation from his Servant, the man let himself fall to a nearby chair. Everything was going as he planed. Now, all he needed to do was hunt down the other nine masters and let their Servants die out.

    It was also the main reason why he decided to summon Assassin. Normally, Servants and Masters fight respectively with other Servants and Masters in order to asses their superiority. But in George's eyes, only the mongrels who let themselves be engulfed by their bloodlust took such stupid confrontations.

    After all, without a master to supply it with prana, a Servant is bound to eventually fade away. Even in the case that it could stay in the world for a few days, it's battle abilities would be greatly hindered, as every time he used his own prana to fight he would be consuming his own lifespan.

    Assassin, despite being one of the physically weakest Servant (Second only to Caster), had the greatest stealth abilities of all classes. Once they could locate an enemy master, Assassin would just infiltrate in his layout and end his life.

    The Servant looked at the workshop of his own master. He could sense several layers of dense magical energy acting as barriers. Judging from the traces, said barriers were probably originated using some sort of living sacrifice as a core. In fact, Assassin could see two operating tables with some traces of blood still in them, and a basket with some medical equipment.

    -Magic of sacrifice… It would be right to assume that you're one of those who they call Black Wizards?

    Black wizards, kindred spirits who obtained their power through blood sacrifices. Adepts of Witchcraft, they were the source of the dark tales about evil witches and sorcerers around the world.

    -Yes, indeed. Do you have any trouble with that, Assassin? -Sarcastically replied George. He was sure that someone who spent his life perfecting the art of taking lives wouldn't have any trouble with his craft, but he wanted to be sure of it.

    -No, but a few of my comrades would've directly slaughtered you as soon as they've been summoned. The act of taking a life is something sacred in our order.

    Surprised by his Servant's response, George stiffened his body, mentally preparing all the defensive spells he could in case the conversation developed into the worst outcome.

    -Then, why am I still alive?

    -Because I understand that there are times when lives must be sacrificed for a greater good.

    George stopped his process of thought, focusing only in the echo that was Assassin's voice.

    -What do you mean with that? -Inquired the Master.

    -It seems that we're both individuals who could be called Heretics. In my case, I was betrayed by my people and treated like a devil.

    -How pathetic, a Servant who is still flustered for the treason of his allies -Thought George, but Assassin's words turned his bored expression in a wicked smile.

    -Of course, that was exactly what I wanted.

    As he said those words, the air in the cave became sickening.

    An aberrant source of malignant energy emanated from Assassin, bearing witness of his repulsive nature.

    -What causes the birth of a hero? Power? Luck? Love? Providence? No, if a hero is someone who opposes Evil, then the only necessary condition for the birth of a Hero… Is the existence of Evil itself.

    In the midst of that wave of pure loathing, George raised from his chair and opened his arms to form a cross, accepting Assassin's wickedness.

    -Hahaha! Magnificent! Show me more, my Servant! Spread that wonderful blasphemy! Infect this world with your sickened nature!

    In front of the utter bliss of his Master, Assassin continued to reveal his true nature.

    That of the infamous Sage of the mountain known as the Hassan of Dust.

    A man who believed in the balance of the world, a man who sought for salvation in a different way.

    If after countless calamities humanity still managed to survive, it was because “something” protected it from harm. For convenience, his comrades called it Allah.

    From the Hassan of Dust's perspective, that entity was nothing more than a balance that ensured the prosperity of mankind by gifting some individuals with extraordinary powers when the world was in crisis. Be it monsters, the blasphemous spirits who called themselves gods or other warriors. In the end, that being who presided over destiny ensured that humanity would not be wiped out.

    That was how he found a new “system” to reach salvation.

    If that entity gifted humanity with enormous power to surpass their own in times of dire, then… What if a calamity that no one could hope to survive appeared?

    Eventually, the future master of the Assassin's discovered the tale of Angra Mainyu, a certain being who was the embodiment of All the Evil in this World. If such existence could be brought down upon the world, then, what kind of miracle would Allah bestow upon mankind to stop it?

    The cursed Assassin sought to become that existence, in order to force the ultimate miracle, so he began to swallow endless curses inside his body, just like the snake was cursed and forced to eat dirt for all eternity, seeking to become an entity infinitely close to Iblis, the rebellious djinn that caused the downfall of mankind from Paradise. That's how he obtained the title of Hassan of Dust.

    Unfortunately for him, his comrades eventually found out about his madness, and the man who would inherit the title of Old man of the Mountain managed to end his life. Yet, Assassin held no regrets about it. The man who Allah sent to the Earth as an incarnation of Good was also the one who would inherit his title and correct the order. The Hassan of Dust was happy with that development.

    But, a sense of bitterness refused to left his mind.

    “What if I had succeeded? What kind of miracle would've been bestowed upon the world?”

    That's why, when his master asked to show him his nature, the voice of Hassan announced.

    -I desire to be the incarnation of All the Evils in this World. My wish… Is to become Angra Mainyu.














    - - - Updated - - -

    Hi! Thanks for the corrections! I'm glad you like it ^^

    As for the faceclaims, I have an idea for all the characters, it's just that I think it's better to show them when I feel its "ok" than to put them directly when I introduce the character. Also, the faceclaims are aproximate, but generally not 100% accurate (For example, half of Lodrien's face is covered with the metal produced by his crest, but the faceclaim I found has a clear face).
    Last edited by Siege; July 28th, 2017 at 02:53 PM.
    The turtle moves!

  8. #8
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Whoo, you're posting this up pretty quickly. I take it you've written up a good portion of this story ahead of time? Of the new characters to have been revealed, I think Hassan of Dust sounds the most interesting so far. His motivation is quite unique but fits into the logic of the Nasuverse, so I'm curious to see how that'll play out ahead. Lodrin seems like more of a protagonist-type, and reminds me a bit of Kariya for some reason (probably the hooded appearance).

    Just a few more little issues that need to be fixed up though. (Pretty much only in the opening segment, as I can't recall any popping up afterwards)

    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post
    Chapter 2: Poison



    As the clash between Lancer, Archer and Shielder took place, the few remaining Servants began to descend into the city.



    In an abandoned church

    The creature was eating. It's grotesque mouth, filled with teeth close in shape to a piston, crushed the flesh and bones of it's victims without distinction.

    -Hahahahaha!

    In the midst of the carnage, a naked girl was frantically laughing.

    -Yes, Berserker, kill them all!

    Although not a single trace of life could be found in the desecrated bodies of the church members, she still ordered her Servant to continue with the massacre.

    The giant monstrosity continued to pulverize the bodies of the unit sent to execute the girl. It lacked any sense of rationality, so it simply followed it's instincts as a Servant and continued to destroy those who tried to harm it's master, the girl who called herself Aegis Mircalla.

    It was not her true name, but only one of the hundreds that she used during her long existence, yet she favored it as a memento of her inspiration, the Countess of Blood. Another of her kindred kin. Not incorrect per-se, but this feels a little redundant.

    A bloodsucked (think you mean "bloodsucker"?), a monster who dwelt in nightmares and preyed upon life... A dead apostle, also called vampire.

    As a testament of her unnatural nature, her skin and hair were deprived of any color. Only the blood of her enemies and the skull-shaped stigmas in her right hand broke her ash-white appearance.

    That, and the burning crimson of her eyes, pulsating with bloodlust and hatred.

    -Oh, seems like the party is already over. Fucking dogs of the Church, if they haven't tried to stop the ritual we could've gone there too.

    After obtaining the Command Spells, Aegis became incredibly active, prompting the church to label her as a primary target. Unfortunately, the squadron sent to execute her arrived too late, and were completely decimated by the Dead Apostle and her Servant.

    The towering Berserker, whose abnormal body was barely contained by the church Aegis used as a basement, slightly lowered it's head. Although it was unable to comprehend the reasons, it felt that it's master was annoyed.

    -Oh, don't worry my pet, we're gonna break some ruckus soon.

    With a wicked smile, Aegis began to walk towards the center of the church, while compressing the blood of the church assailants into a sphere around her size, and dived ("diving" is probably the word you were looking for) inside it.

  9. #9
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Thanks again! Corrections done.

    Well, more or less I have a pretty solid idea of the intro, but after the first day of the war everything is a bit more obscure. And yeah, I guess Lordrin has a bit of Kariya and HF Shirou.
    The turtle moves!

  10. #10
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: After the feast





    Underground basement

    Soren was carefully writing down all the information that his familiars recorded after Lancer's retreat. In the end, everything went better than he expected. Archer revealing the incantation of his Noble Phantasm allowed the grey-haired mercenary to greatly reduce the number of possible identities for the Pharaoh.

    He was trying to organize his information about the Vilien family, trying to trace down possible imperfections and weak points in their magecraft, when a familiar presence entered his layout.

    "Yo! I'm home honey, what's for dinner?" Questioned Lancer with a sly smile.

    "I don't have time for your jokes, Lancer" Coldly replied his master.

    "Oh, c'mon, in the end everything went fine. You obtained data on two servants, the egyptian Archer and the Shielder who hates gods, I would call it a night." Replied the spirit of the spear, dropping over a worn-out sofa, cheerfully playing with his golden spear.

    "Yeah, and you almost left a clue about your true name. There are lots of Lancers who use rune magic, but a Lancer with those characteristics that can summon the Noble Phantasm of other gods..."

    "That's the reason why you modified my appearance, right? In order to prevent others from discerning my identity, although it weakened my runes a lot. It's pretty humiliating for a chief, you know?"

    "I know, and I thank you for your patience, but that was the only way. If you had your original body, your true name would be widely announced."

    "Tsk, not that I had any fatal flaws like Siegfried, old man." Replied Lancer.

    "So... How did your Gungnir feel?" Questioned Soren.

    "A little dull, but that was Shielder's fault. I can barely call it a test." Said the wielder of the divine spear, staring at it's tip "I wonder if Othinus would've defeated him, or if he would've been even more weakened."

    "A true god would've likely defeated Shielder... After all, the gods were the cause of his downfall."

    "Oi? You've already assessed his identity?"

    "More or less. If my deductions are right, then using your spear against him is completely useless."

    "And why is that so?" -Inquired Lancer

    "Because that man... Was the only one who could stop Hector's spear in the Trojan War."





    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





    Abandoned church

    Berserker was afraid.

    Nothing in its surroundings could harm the gigantic monstrosity, but the thing that scared it was inside the mind of its master.

    A memory. The red-skinned creature lacked any vital functions, it was just a mass of Prana driven by its instinct to destroy. Therefore, the link that allowed masters and servants to see the other's memories randomly activated when its master was sleeping.

    Inside the pulsating cocoon of darkened blood, Aegis should be in a deep slumber. Therefore, Berserker began to experience the events that turned its master into the depraved creature that summoned it.

    "It hurts, mama!" Its lips, belonging to a body several times smaller than its own, begged to the woman clad in black "Why!? Why are you doing this to us!?"

    Surrounded by fire, the creature saw how the little body it inhabited now was desperately trying to lift the wooden beams that crushed its legs.

    Before it could realize it, a cloaked figure appeared behind the tearful woman that its body called "mother", slicing her throat with a silver dagger. A second cloaked figure appeared, chanting some words before the woman's body burst into flames.

    It could see the two men slowly approaching to the feeble body it was inhabiting, when a mountain of burning debris filled its field of vision.

    It understood... That those where the last moments of its master as a human.




    --------------------------------------------------------------------------





    Underground basement

    After exchanging his conjectures about Shielder and Archer's identities, Lancer's master returned to his work. Yet, there was something that the spirit of the spear wished to know.

    "Soren, one last question." Asked his Servant, still lying in the sofa "Have you ever killed a children in the Holy Wars?"

    The old mercenary stopped his work and raised his head towards the Servant.

    "What's the purpose of that?"

    "Just answer" Replied Lancer.

    "Yes, I did." Stated the mercenary in a monotonous voice. His hard face refused to show any emotion about that fact.

    "I see... Why?"

    "They were enemies, that's all."

    "No, you may be a sly bastard, but you're not the type of guy who will just massacre some children for the sake of victory."

    "You think too high of me when we've just meet for barely a week" Replied Soren.

    "No, according to what you've said, you've been summoning since the first time you participated in a Holy Grail War, and I know myself. If you were the kind of man you think you are, I would've already killed you." Lancer calmly stated his thoughts, proclaiming the end that awaited to the old magus if he ever crossed that line.

    The old man, in response, took out a cigarette and lit it. His lungs were filled with warm smoke, as he began to ask his own question to his Servant.





    "Lancer, do you remember what I told you when we arrived to this city?"

    "Yeah: If I ever make an action that goes against the goal of destroying the Holy Grail War, kill me." Replied his Servant "Pretty dumb in my opinion, you could probably use a Command Spell to negate that order."

    "I'll count in your skills to kill me before I do so then." Soren gave his back to Lancer, returning to his work.

    "Do you trust so little in your own conviction?" Inquired Lancer.

    "Yes" Replied Soren, taking a silver reliquary from his shirt. The tired hands of the man, clad in black leather, gently caressed it's surface "If this war hosts the Cup of Wishes, then no man could retain his sanity after landing his hands on it."

    Listening to the sorrowful voice of the old mercenary, anyone would think that he was going to break into tears, but no one really knew that man. All the tears that Soren could shed were dried long ago.




    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    A certain train station

    The convoy left the platform ten minutes ago, leaving the passengers who wished to stay in the city of Drammen. It was a nocturnal train, therefore, the number of passengers was really low, and almost all of them had already called a taxi to take them to their hotels and apartments. The only one remaining in the platform was a black-haired girl, wearing dark jeans and a blue jacket. Her luggage was next to her: Two bags and an acoustic guitar.

    Her emerald eyes were fixed on the sky, when a voice put her back into reality.

    "Unacceptable!" Screamed the old man.

    "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Apologized the girl, Laura Guierg, but her words were directed at the empty space.

    "You took the plane late, and you even boarded the wrong train! Seriously, what a hopeless Master."

    "I said I'm sorry! It's not my fault that those things are so complicated. Besides, why did the organization choose this big ass city? It would've been way easier if they used some village in the woods!" Screamed the girl in desperation.

    "And what's your plan to reach your secret layout?" Inquired the Servant

    "Ehm, secret... What? Shouldn't the organization take care of those things. You see, giving us all equivalent resources and information?"

    If the Servant was in spirit form, it would've put his hand over his face and sighed in exasperation.

    "Just try to not get killed." Finally murmured her Servant.

    "Oh, don't worry about it. I've got you by my side. Right, old man?"

    Laura's question caused a long silence.

    "Well, if you don't have anything prepared, the best course of action would be to reach the woods. We could make our stronghold there, and look for information" Suggested her Servant.

    "Sounds good, the big city is too noisy. By the way, wouldn't you like to feel a bit of fresh air? You can take your human form now, no one is watching."

    Following her words, an old man materialized in the spot next to Laura. Maybe her calling him old man wasn't exactly accurate.

    That oriental man, whose body was covered in endless scars that spoke volumes of his battle experience, was at a point when he could be called a relic. The upper part of his head lost all hair, but a white beard that reached his waist acted as compensation. His steel muscles, partially visible under his half-opened kimono, were a testament of the lengths of the training that he endured during his lifetime. In his waist rested a simple katana, lacking any ornaments. A perfectly balanced weapon designed for the sole purpose of taking lives.

    The man was not only old, he was ancient. His regal aura was an indication of the fact that, despite his casual relation with his master, he was an entity that ought to be revered.

    "Let's go then, Gatekeeper!"

    Following the incorporation of the third abnormal Servant, the War was finally set in movement.




    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Somewhere...


    "How wonderful" Thought the man in the shadows, looking at the two figures departing from the station through his crystal ball.


    A pious Saber and a boy who desperately tries to reverse his curse.

    A Lancer wielding divine weapons and a master who seeks the destruction of the Grail.

    An Archer who believes in his absolute right and a girl who fights in the name of Chivalry.

    A Rider who wishes for the happiness of all children and a child fated to die.

    An Assassin who seeks salvation through Damnation and a black mage possessed with ambition.



    "So many lambs reunited for the slaughter... Dance my cattle, dance and cry and annihilate yourselves for the sake of our piety."


    A Caster called a demon and a corpse wishing to be alive.

    A Berserker who can't understand humanity and a girl who refuses to understand it.

    An Avenger who thirsts for bloodshed and a boy willing to do anything to bring back his sister.

    A Shielder who rejects the Gods and a warrior who wants to prove his strength.

    An ancient Gatekeeper and a girl who rejects progress.



    "This war... Shall bring forth the salvation we all sought!"

    "Let's begin this Cursed Holy War!"
    Last edited by Siege; July 28th, 2017 at 02:56 PM.
    The turtle moves!

  11. #11
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Wow, another irregular Class? Between this, Shielder and Avenger this War is really going to end up chocked to the brim with Servants. And we still haven't even seen Rider or Caster yet... That aside, "Gatekeeper" is certainly interesting idea for a Servant Class (clearly the one Kojiro should've been summoned into). I can only wonder how you're going to set it apart from Shielder, since they both sound defensively oriented...

    So, Shielder is actually Aias the Greater? I presume that's who you mean by being the one to stop Hector's spear anyways... Never really thought of him as the type who went against the gods (always fancied that more as Aias the Lesser's shtick, since he died specifically from angering the gods), but I'm not too familiar with his myths anyway so I'm sure you know more about him in that regard then I do. And I totally called Lancer's spear being Gungnir, by the way. Also interesting how he calls Odin by his Latin name (Othinus) rather then the original Norse. I wonder if there's any significance there...

    As usual, there's also a few typos and the like in need of correction but nothing major.

    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post

    Chapter 3: After the feast





    Underground basement

    Soren was carefully writing down all the information that his familiars recorded after Lancer's retreat. In the end, everything went better than he expected. Archer revealing the incantation of his Noble Phantasm allowed the grey-haired mercenary to greatly reduce the number of possible identities for the Pharaoh.

    He was trying to organize his information about the Vilien family, trying to trace down possible imperfections and weak points in their magecraft, when a familiar presence entered his layout.

    "Yo! I'm home honey, what's for dinner?" Questioned Lancer with a sly smile.

    "I don't have time for your jokes, Lancer" Coldly replied his master.

    "Oh, c'mon, in the end everything went fine. You obtained data on two servants, the egyptian Archer and the Shielder who hates gods, I would call it a night." Replied the spirit of the spear, dropping over a worn-out sofa, cheerfully playing with his golden spear.

    "Yeah, and you almost left a clue about your true name. There are lots of Lancers who use rune magic, but a Lancer with those characteristics that can summon the Noble Phantasm of other gods..."

    "That's the reason why you modified my appearance, right? In order to (seems to be a word missing here) difficult the discerning of my identity, although it weakened my runes a lot. It's pretty humiliating for a chief, you know?"

    "I know, and I thank you for your patience, but that was the only way. If you had your original body, your true name would be widely announced."

    "Tsk, not that I had any fatal flaws like Siegfried, old man." Replied Lancer.

    "So... How did your Gungnir felt?" (feel) Questioned Soren.

    "A little dull, but that was Shielder's fault. I can barely call it a test." Said the wielder of the divine spear, staring at it's tip "I wonder if Othinus would've defeated him, or if he would've been even more weakened."

    "A true god would've likely defeated Shielder... After all, the gods were the cause of his downfall."

    "Oi? You've already assessed his identity?"

    "More or less. If my deductions are right, then using your spear against him is completely useless."

    "And why is that so?" -Inquired Lancer

    "Because that man... Was the only one who could stop Hector's spear in the Trojan War."






    Abandoned church

    Berserker was afraid.

    Nothing in its surroundings could harm the gigantic monstrosity, but the thing that scared it was inside the mind of its master.

    A memory. The red-skinned creature lacked any vital functions, it was just a mass of Prana driven by its instinct to destroy. Therefore, the link that allowed masters and servants to see the other's memories randomly activated when its master was sleeping.

    Inside the pulsating cocoon of darkened blood, Aegis should be in a deep slumber. Therefore, Berserker began to experience the events that turned its master into the depraved creature that summoned it.

    "It hurts, mama!" Its lips, belonging to a body several times smaller than its own, begged to the woman clad in black "Why!? Why are you doing this to us!?"

    Surrounded by fire, the creature saw how the little body it inhabited now was desperately trying to lift the wooden beams that crushed its legs.

    Before it could realize it, a cloaked figure appeared behind the tearful woman that its body called "mother", slicing her throat with a silver dagger. A second cloaked figure appeared, chanting some words before the woman's body burst into flames.

    It could see the two men slowly approaching to the feeble body it was inhabiting, when a mountain of burning debris filled its field of vision.

    It understood... That those where the last moments of its master as a human.






    Underground basement

    After exchanging his conjectures about Shielder and Archer's identities, Lancer's master returned to his work. Yet, there was something that the spirit of the spear wished to know.

    "Soren, one last question." Asked his Servant, still lying in the sofa "Have you ever killed a children in the Holy Wars?"

    The old mercenary stopped his work and raised his head towards the Servant.

    "What's the purpose of that?"

    "Just answer" Replied Lancer.

    "Yes, I did." Stated the mercenary in a monotonous voice. His hard face refused to show any emotion about that fact.

    "I see... Why?"

    "They were enemies, that's all."

    "No, you may be a sly bastard, but you're not the type of guy who will just massacre some children for the sake of victory."

    "You think too high of me when we've just meet for barely a week" Replied Soren.

    "No, according to what you've said, you've been summoning since the first time you participated in a Holy Grail War, and I know myself. If you were the kind of man you think you are, I would've already killed you." Lancer calmly stated his thoughts, proclaiming the end that awaited to the old magus if he ever crossed that line.

    The old man, in response, took out a cigarette and lighted (lit, also this confusion is a common mistake for you.) it. His lungs were filled with warm smoke, as he began to ask his own question to his Servant.





    "Lancer, do you remember what I told you when we arrived to this city?"

    "Yeah: If I ever make an action that goes against the goal of destroying the Holy Grail War, kill me." Replied his Servant "Pretty dumb in my opinion, you could probably use a Command Spell to negate that order."

    "I'll count in your skills to kill me before I do so then." Soren gave his back to Lancer, returning to his work.

    "Do you trust so little in your own conviction?" Inquired Lancer.

    "Yes" Replied Soren, taking a silver reliquary from his shirt. The tired hands of the man, clad in black leather, gently caressed it's surface "If this war hosts the Cup of Wishes, then no man could retain his sanity after landing his hands on it."

    Listening to the sorrowful voice of the old mercenary, anyone would think that he was going to break into tears, but no one really knew that man. All the tears that Soren could shed were dried long ago.





    A certain train station

    The convoy left the platform ten minutes ago, leaving the passengers who wished to stay in the city of Drammen. It was a nocturnal train, therefore, the number of passengers was really low, and almost all of them had already called a taxi to take them to their hotels and apartments. The only one remaining in the platform was a black-haired girl, wearing dark jeans and a blue jacket. Her luggage was next to her: Two bags and an acoustic guitar.





    Her emerald eyes were fixed in (on) the sky, when a voice put her back into reality.

    "Unacceptable!" Screamed the old man.

    "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Apologized the girl, Laura Guierg, but her words were directed at the empty space.

    "You took the plane late, and you even boarded the wrong train! Seriously, what a hopeless Master."

    "I said I'm sorry! It's not my fault that those things are so complicated. Besides, why did the organization choose this big ass city? It would've been way easier if they used some village in the woods!" Screamed the girl in desperation.

    "And what's your plan to reach your secret layout?" Inquired the Servant

    "Ehm, secret... What? Shouldn't the organization take care of those things. You see, giving us all equivalent resources and information?"

    If the Servant was in spirit form, it would've put his hand over his face and sighed in desperation. (Not grammatically incorrect but an odd choice of words. Wouldn't "exasperation" fit better here?)

    "Just try to not get killed." Finally murmured her Servant.

    "Oh, don't worry about it. I've got you by my side. Right, old man?"

    Laura's question caused a long silence.

    "Well, if you don't have anything prepared, the best course of action would be to reach the woods. We could make our stronghold there, and look for information" Suggested her Servant.

    "Sounds good, the big city is too noisy. By the way, wouldn't you like to feel a bit of fresh air? You can take your human form now, no one is watching."

    Following her words, an old man materialized in the spot next to Laura. Maybe her calling him old man wasn't exactly accurate.

    That oriental man, whose body was covered in endless scars that spoke volumes of his battle experience, was at a point when he could be called a relic. The upper part of his head lost all hair, but a white beard that reached his waist acted as compensation. His steel muscles, partially visible under his half-opened kimono, were a testament of the lengths of the training that he endured during his lifetime. In his waist rested a simple katana, lacking any ornaments. A perfectly balanced weapon designed for the sole purpose of taking lives.

    The man was not only old, he was ancient. His regal aura was an indication of the fact that, despite his casual relation with his master, he was an entity that ought to be revered.

    "Let's go then, Gatekeeper!"

    Following the incorporation of the third abnormal Servant, the War was finally set in movement.

  12. #12
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Corrections done. Thanks, as always!

    In the first chapter it's said that this war has the seven base classes + three "abnormal servants": Avenger, Shielder and Gatekeeper (The three classes were left as unknown, and are only known by their summoners). And Gatekeeper is in fact an "oficial" class, as it was the original class of Gilgamesh. Also, in Strange Fake one servant claims that it would be a Gatekeeper if he wasn't already summoned under a different class.

    Yeah, it's Ayax the Greater, who has his own grudges against the gods (Basically, he committed suicide because Athena "tricked" him and destroyed his honor). He was also famous for being one of the few warriors who never begged for divine help before battle. In the Illiad he is pretty badass, in fact, as he is compared to Achilles and is also said to be the only warrior who never received a wound in the whole war.

    About Lancer and Odin... Let's say that they were acquaintances.
    The turtle moves!

  13. #13
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Hi! Today I couldn't post the chapter, so instead I'll post the info of the two servants whose true identities are revealed. The next chapter features Rider, whose identity is pretty obvious, so next chapter will also include the info about him.





    Class: Archer
    Master: Anna Vilien
    True name: Amosis I
    Sex: Male
    Height and weight: 1'82 m and 66 Kg
    Alignment: Lawful neutral


    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: B
    Magical power: B
    Luck: A
    Noble Phantasm: A


    Class skills:

    -Magic Resistance: C
    Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    -Independent Action: B
    It is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for two days without a Master. However, this is the ideal value achieved by maximally conserving mana and avoiding battle and Noble Phantasm usage.


    Personal skills:

    -Riding: B
    Most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill, even vehicles that did not exist in the time period one was alive in for they are no exception. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts.

    -Charisma: B
    Having B Rank in this Skill is sufficient to lead a nation as its Monarch (King/Queen). The morale of military forces he or she commands is extremely high.

    -Military Tactics: B
    Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Due to his numerous campaigns in the reunification of Egypt, his Noble Phantasms get an aditional Rank Up when used in large scale battles or against other Egyptian Heroic Spirits.

    -Prana Burst (Wind): B
    The blessing of Amun, bestowed upon the one who elevated his influence in the Egyptian Pantheon to the point of almost turning it into a monotheist religion. Archer is capable of coating his bow and body in a coat of dense, high-speed wind. Thanks to this skill, the arrows shot from his Noble Phantasm have the destructive power of an A rank strength attack, shattering the earth and blowing nearby crystals with the sheer pressure of the whirlwind.


    Noble Phantasm:

    -Neb-Pehty-Re, The Lord of Strength: C+ (B), Anty-Unit (Anti-Army)
    Amosis I trusted bow. It's relatively weak for an Archer-class Noble Phantasm, as the Pharaoh passed on as a mighty ruler and commander rather than as a prodigious sniper. Despite so, its still the weapon that allowed him to defeat countless enemies in his military campaigns, allowing him to start Egypt's greatest age. Amosis I specialized in dealing with numerous unarmored enemies, so his technique consist in shooting several arrows simultaneously, unleashing a rain of devastation that can easily pulverize entire armies at the expense of great mana consumption. When deployed in this fashion, this weapon becomes a B rank Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.

    Thanks to his Prana Burst, the arrowheads have strength equal to that of a missile launcher, and the ridiculous number of attacks that the king can deploy can prove fatal even for the most resistant servants. When used in convination with Amun-Rah, one could call him “A walking rain of destruction, capable of obliterating entire armies unharmed”. Such is the might of the one who conquered the territories blessed by the everlasting Nile.


    -Amun-Rah, Chariot of the Soaring Wind: A, Anty-Army
    The manifestation of both Amosis I military prowess and his devotion to Amun-Ra. It's a masterfully forged chariot, drawn by two white horses that can be described as “The incarnation of the concept of warhorse itself”. The chariot can ride on earth, water or wind; making it virtually impossible to escape the king's reach. Archer's Prana Burst surrounds the chariot with a wind barrier that deflects all the attacks of rank C or lower, reflecting his facet as a ruler who charged head-on in the front lines and always came back unscathed, whilst heavily increasing the damage dealt when he charges. However, due to his incarnation as Archer rather than Rider, this Noble Phantasm has lost most of its offensive abilities, turning into something closer to a “High-speed firing platform”.


    Wish: Materialize the glorious vision of Egypt that he once had.










    Class: Shielder
    Master: Liurf Arianhord
    True name: Ayax the Great
    Sex: Male
    Height and weight: 2,25 m and 130 Kg
    Alignment: Neutral Good


    Strength: A+
    Endurance: A
    Agility: B
    Magical power: C
    Luck: E
    Noble Phantasm: A+


    Class skills:

    -Magic Resistance: C-
    Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. When his Bravery is not active, this skill recieves a Rank Down when used to defend against Mental Interference, due to the tales of him being tricked by the Illusions of Athena.

    -Self-Field Defense: B+
    A power displayed when protecting allies or an allied camp. Exhibits damage reduction surpassing the defensive limit value, but Shielder himself is not included as a target. Also, the higher the Rank, the more protective range spreads. The Illiad records Ayax as a beinng who could be called “A walking Phalanx”, so this skill is relatively high.


    Personal skills:

    -Bravery: A
    The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. It also has the bonus effect of increasing melee damage.

    -Battle Continuation: B
    According to the legends, Ayax fought for an entire day with the hero Hector. Ayax wont loose any of his fighting prowess unless he is faced with lethal injuries.

    -Rejection of the Gods: A
    The curse of someone who refused to revere Divine Spirits, even in the Age of Gods, when miracles and mysteries filled the Earth. The legends say that he was the only king who never implored the blessings of the Greek Gods during the Trojan War, being confident in his outstanding skill. This ability somehow reduces the influence of Divinity around the user, effectively applying a Rank Down in said skill to other Servants near him. At A rank, this ability also degrades in one rank all Noble Phantasm and Abilities obtained by means of the gods, such as Affection of the Goddess. Unfortunately, this rank also implies that the Gods would likely hold a deep grudge against the Servant, so his Luck and Magical Power skills are lowered.


    Noble Phantasm:

    -Rho Aias, the Seven Rings that cover the Fiery Heaven: A+, Barrier
    The shield used by Ayax the Great, and the only shield capable of stopping Durindana of the great hero Hector. It was a bronze shield covered in seven layers of oxhide, which the javelin, having never before been blocked during the Trojan War, pierced to the seventh layer before stopping. Its existence was sublimed into a Conceptual Weapon that is said to be an absolute defense against any thrown weapon.


    Wish: To face Odysseus in a duel to obtain the ownership of the Armor of Achiles, without interference of Politicians or Gods.
    The turtle moves!

  14. #14
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    I can't really read that amount of text, but I almost thought that this is some pseudo-Light Novel in progress. Grammatical errors aside, what I want to point out is that the formatting needs improvement. Maybe segmenting the chapters with line-breaks or improving on the transitions so that readers (or people like me, haha) don't get turned off by that.

    Archer is currently my cheered Servant for now. The fic is pretty fun, and I look forward to it.

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  15. #15
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Hi! Thanks for the comment ^^

    What do you mean by line-break? Just "erasing" the "Enters" between lines?

    For example:

    The boy was standing in a white room.
    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.
    That was the only think he couldn't do.
    "I'm sorry…"
    The boy was not alone.

    instead of:


    The boy was standing in a white room.

    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.

    That was the only think he couldn't do.

    -I'm sorry…

    The boy was not alone.
    The turtle moves!

  16. #16
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post
    Hi! Thanks for the comment ^^

    What do you mean by line-break? Just "erasing" the "Enters" between lines?

    For example:

    The boy was standing in a white room.
    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.
    That was the only think he couldn't do.
    "I'm sorry…"
    The boy was not alone.

    instead of:


    The boy was standing in a white room.

    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.

    That was the only think he couldn't do.

    -I'm sorry…

    The boy was not alone.
    I think he meant including clearer divisions between scene-transitions, like this.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Though to be honest, the wording is a little unclear. Even I'm not totally sure what he intended to say.

  17. #17
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Chapter 4: Crimson star




    The petite body of the silver-haired girl rested over the luxurious bed, covered with the Holy Shroud her Servant provided. The bed was also his doing, of course. Otherwise, it would be impossible to find the masterfully crafted piece of furniture where his master was sleeping in the ruined edifice that acted as their base of operations.

    Now, the gigantic hero, clad in red, was tossing chunks of wood to the improvised fireplace after conceding his master's wish.

    "I want a good night of sleep." He materialized the luxurious bed for that purpose, collected some wood to keep her warm and began to guard her defenseless body until she woke up.

    Yet, despite his master's sincere smile of gratitude, he felt uneasy.

    "If the world is still like this, then, what was the meaning of my death?"

    The heroic spirit, Rider, asked that question to himself while his grey eyes looked at the dazzling flames.



    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    The existence of the girl and the crimson servant were an abnormality in this war.

    Accordingly, the seat of Rider's master belonged to a member of the Scladio family, a criminal group that could be described as a mafia engraved in the world of magic.

    After making the appropriate arrangements with the organizers of the Holy War, a delegation was sent as representatives of Scladio, and began their preparations for the imminent war.

    The selection of the servant took two factors into account: The morality of the summoned hero, and the benefits in the long term that it would provide to them. The Scladio never entered the war thinking about sacrificing everything for victory, choosing instead the path that would let them obtain the greatest advantage of the event.

    In the end, they settled for a Servant who would not be concerned about morality, an anti-hero willing to sacrifice others for victory. An infamous spellcaster who could teach them forgotten mysteries and forbidden arts.

    Baba Yaga, the terrible Slavic witch.

    The Scladio representatives, which used others as sacrifice for their magecraft, thought of her as the perfect partner in the Holy War.

    Soon, the factory that they used as a stronghold was filled with victims that were turned into sources of magical energy, provided by the family from outside the land were the war would be disputed.

    As the spirit they were trying to summon was famous for her cruelty towards children, mostly infants were used as sacrifices to store magical energy. Drugged until they were little more than mindless dolls, they were slowly turned into magical energy for the future Scladio's Servant, until only one remained.

    The last piece of the ritual, a little girl with doll-like features, blessed with unnatural silver hair. Apparently, her name and origins were a mystery that only the higher ups of the organization knew.

    Blessed with great magical potential, the headmaster of the delegation that was sent to participate in the Holy War thought about taking her as his pupil and personal toy, but refusing to sacrifice her would be the same as betraying the Scladio family, which was tantamount to suicide.

    "What a shame" Muttered the man as he touched the girl's face, but she remained emotionless.

    Since that girl came to the land of the Holy Grail, she just showed the minimum reactions to cover her vital functions. She never batted an eye when she saw other's being turned into solid prana, or even talked to someone unless she was threatened. Most of the time, she just looked at the ceiling with a melancholic expression.

    She looked at the transmutation circle at her feet without any emotion.






    "Oh, so now I'm going to die" Thought the nameless girl, without giving it much importance.

    She walked on her own towards the center of the circle, following the process that she saw dozens of times. Some of the Scladio mages looked at her, wondering what was wrong with that girl's head, who fearlessly stepped to her own death.

    The deadly mechanism activated, her body began to scream. Yet, she accepted that pain without even twisting her lips.

    "So this is how death feels, it's strange."

    "I wonder, did it feel like this too, that time?"

    "Although I can't even remember what that time means anymore."

    "Yeah, if I could make a wish..."

    "If I could remember my sins..."

    Unconsciously, the girl obtained something in the gates of death.

    Her doll-like body was too anomalous to have a will to live, yet, the senses that so greatly differed from those of humans refused to shut down.

    It was not the desire to survive, but rather, the desire to know.

    She refused to have such a meaningless death.

    And, from within her head, an ancient voice asked a question.

    "What is your wish, my master?"

    "Ah... A wish" Her dying brain began to materialize a suitable shape for her thoughts.

    At the same time, the Scladio mages began to prepare their defensive spells, feeling the immense surge of power that stopped the sacrifice ritual.

    "I want to live!" The scream of the nameless girl froze the blood of the Scladio mages.




    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    First, the headmaster thought that the ritual was a success.

    With her dying cry, the life of the young girl became the catalyst to summon Baba Yaga. That was the most logical conclusion.

    "No... Impossible" All the mages were in shock.

    Yeah, it was perfect.

    Even the temperature drastically dropped when the winter servant was summoned, filling the air with crystals of frozen prana.

    Yet, the shape that was partially covered under the mist of diamond dust greatly differed from that of the cursed witch.

    It was due to their miscalculation: They intended to use "The despair of children" to summon a kindred spirit, but the nameless girl refused to surrender, turning said despair into a wish.

    The catalyst was reversed, becoming "The hope of children".

    The cloud of perfect snow, resembling sapphire, revealed the shape of a man clad in a red and white best.

    An old man, whose body was not that of the infamous sorcerer or a proud warrior, but rather that of someone who lived in opulence.

    But, despite his well-fed body, his clothes looked old and worn out.

    It was not the armor of an immaculate knight, but the garments of someone who performed his duty faithfully during a long time. In a sense, it felt like his clothes had gradually grown older with him.

    The face of the old man, filled with generosity, was partially covered by a long, white beard.

    "The Seals! She has the Command Spells!" Shouted one of the mages, signaling the body that the giant held in his strong arms.

    The unconscious girl, barely alive after the life-transmutation spell, had three glowing stigmas in her right hand.

    The mages were ready to shoot a barrage of spells to the defenseless girl, when a sound echoed above their screams.

    Bells.

    The tinkling sound came from the cloud of snow. Eight silhouettes stood majestically behind the wall of diamond dust, with their branched horns held high.

    One of the stags began to advance, stopping besides the man in red, who carefully left the unconscious children in it's back.

    "I assume that the piles of clothes around the factory are from other children whom I couldn't rescue."

    The gentle expression of the old man became hard as stone, the immense presence of the Servant chocked half of the Scladio mages, forcing them to crawl as they desperately gasped for air.

    The leader of the Scladio cursed his own pride. He was so confident in his success that he didn't care about cleaning the proof of his crimes.

    "From the knowledge the Grail has granted me, there's no way to reverse the process, which means that you essentially killed defenseless children for your own greed, right?"

    Despite his calm words, the murderous intent of the Servant was so intense that it blocked the Scladio's movements. Reacting to the quiet fury of their master, the seven remaining reindeer began to advance towards the immobilized mages.

    "You can't do this! If you're that hero, then you are the definition of good! You wouldn't take another's life!" Screamed the leader, only to be answered with the cold stare of the crimson hero.

    "You forfeited your lives when you spilled the blood of those children"

    Hearing their master's response, the seven reindeer slaughtered the Scladio's mages, before destroying the piles of jewels made by human sacrifices.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    After the almost instantaneous massacre, Rider used his power as a Saint to conjure a Holy Shroud that would prevent his master's deterioration.

    After a few minutes, the girl opened her eyes, only to see the gigantic Servant she summoned.

    "You were... The one in my head"

    "Servant Rider. I'm sorry, I couldn't come earlier to your help. I've summoned a Shroud that will keep your body safe, but the damage you suffered during the

    transference is severe. Should you take it off, your body would likely collapse in less than a day."

    The girl looked at the white cloth covering her left arm and part of her torso. She could feel an immense magical energy pulsating from within it.

    "So, you were the one who saved me... But I thought you were only a child's tale."

    "And what is the Holy Grail War, if not an occasion for legends and tales to manifest themselves?" Inquired Rider "From now on you should rest, Master. By the way, how should I call you?"

    "Call me as you please, I don't have a name to begin with" Replied the silver-haired girl "If I were to win the war, then I guess my wish would be to regain the one my parents gave me at birth."

    "I see... Then I shall cal you Alice until your true name is revealed. I think you already know who I am, but I will clarify it, just in case." Rider took a deep breath "I fight this war for the sake of a world where no children has to cry or scream for help. I was baptized as Nicholas, although I was latter called Nikolaos of Myra... But I guess I'm more well known as Santa Claus."

    In that fated night, the nameless girl began her new life with the Servant of charity.



    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Rider was remembering the events of his summoning, looking at his sleeping Master, when a strange object came through one of the windows.

    A piece of paper, which was quickly followed by a dozen more.

    Out in the city, strange papers were falling like snow, filling the streets with their strange message.




    "Those who have wishes, those whose desires are placed upon the cup of heavens.
    Come to the house of darkness, and dance with the devil until all hell breaks loose.

    Yours sincerely, a forgotten soul, a king of the fools, a stray dog.
    The prince of demons who calls forth your blood.

    Tomorrow we shall dance amidst the forest of thorns,
    and pray, and laugh, and feast and die under the Grail's gaze!"










    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______________________








    Class:
    Rider
    Master: Alice
    True name: Santa Claus
    Sex: Male
    Height and weight: 2,30 m and 150 Kg
    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Strength: B
    Endurance: A
    Agility: C
    Magical power: B
    Luck: A
    Noble Phantasm: A++

    Class skills:

    -Riding A+: All vehicles and all creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.
    -Magic Resistance B: Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.

    Personal skills:

    -Golden Rule EX: Rider has access to an unlimited amount of resources. His sack acts as a portal to his Workshop, allowing him to pull out all kind of items, including weapons with the strength of a A rank Noble Phantasm, albeit it takes a great toll on his master to bring anything greater than a C rank weapon. With enough time, materials and Prana supply, it's even possible to “design” specific objects according to his master's will.
    -Charisma A: Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being.
    -Saint A: Maybe the most well-known Saint in modern history, this skill allows Rider to manifest a Holy Shroud that nullifies the effects of curses, poisons and diseases while gradually restoring the bearer's HP. He gave it to his master.
    -Animal language C: This skill is allows Rider to effectively command any kind of reindeer.

    Noble Phantasm:

    -Polar Light, the Crimson Winter Star: A++, Anty-Army
    Rider's sleight, drawn by eight Phantasmal Beasts, each one of them being a mystery that should not exist in modern world. They move like lightning, leaving a trail of diamond dust in their path. In the eyes of most humans, the movement of this Noble Phantasm is so fast that the only thing they're able to discern is its afterimage, resembling a shooting star. Rider is able to mount each reindeer as an independent phantasm or use them in conjunction with the sleight. They have a sixth sense that works like Precognition, alerting them and their master of the incoming dangers. Once they have begun to accelerate, its said that nothing can stand in their path, as all obstacles are pulverized under the pale scarlet light that is said to traverse the whole world in a single night.


    Wish: Ensure the happiness of all the children in the world.
    Last edited by Siege; July 28th, 2017 at 03:29 PM.
    The turtle moves!

  18. #18
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post
    Hi! Thanks for the comment ^^

    What do you mean by line-break? Just "erasing" the "Enters" between lines?

    For example:

    The boy was standing in a white room.
    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.
    That was the only think he couldn't do.
    "I'm sorry…"
    The boy was not alone.

    instead of:


    The boy was standing in a white room.

    Around him, the colorless walls felt completely oppressive. He visited that same room countless times, but today, he just wanted to run away from it.

    That was the only think he couldn't do.

    -I'm sorry…

    The boy was not alone.
    Was I being vague? If so, sorry, I didn't mean to.

    And yeah, I was going towards what Royd said.

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
    ---
    Dreams of swallow cuts.
    ---
    summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  19. #19
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Hohohoho... get out of the way motherfucker because Santa Claus has shown up to kick ass and deliver presents! And he's all out of presents!

    ...Sorry for that, my brain couldn't get past the unbridled awesomeness of goddamn Santa Claus showing up in a Holy Grail War. And, jolly old man or not, he's certainly not someone to be messed with either. Needless to say, I was not expecting this when you said that Rider's identity would be revealed in the next update. Kudos for making the idea of badass!Santa work in a way that actually makes sense from a plot and story perspective...

    Having written up a genderbent Santa sheet myself ages ago (it was like the third I posted up since arriving on this forum, in fact), it's kind of funny to see one like this after so long. Were you inspired by mine at all, out of curiosity? Also and on another note entirely, the "Scladio" family featured here is the same one Bazdilot was part of in Strange Fake, yes? Since they're both families of mafia Magi with similar names and all...

    Incidentally, there's actually far less noticeable typos in this then your earlier writings for some reason. Still one or two that need to be corrected though, but overall you're definitely improving on that point!



    Quote Originally Posted by Siege View Post

    Chapter 4: Crimson star




    The petite body of the silver-haired girl rested over the luxurious bed, covered with the Holy Shroud her Servant provided. The bed was also his doing, of course. Otherwise, it would be impossible to find the masterfully crafted piece of furniture where his master was sleeping in the ruined edifice that acted as their base of operations.
    Now, the gigantic hero, clad in red, was tossing chunks of wood to the improvised fireplace after conceding his master's wish.
    "I want a good night of sleep." He materialized the luxurious bed for that purpose, collected some wood to keep her warm and began to guard her defenseless body until she woke up.
    Yet, despite his master's sincere smile of gratitude, he felt uneasiness. (Just a nitpick, but just saying "unease" or "uneasy" would carry the same impression faster)
    "If the world is still like this, then, what was the meaning of my death?"
    The heroic spirit, Rider, asked that question to himself while his grey eyes looked at the dazzling flames.

    The existence of the girl and the crimson servant were an abnormality in this war.
    Accordingly, the seat of Rider's master belonged to a member of the Scladio family, a criminal group that could be described as a mafia conformed of magus. (I don't think "conformed" can be used this way; and Magus should be pluralized here)
    After making the appropriate arrangements with the organizers of the Holy War, a delegation was sent as representatives of Scladio, and began their preparations for the imminent war.
    The selection of the servant took two factors into account: The morality of the summoned hero, and the benefits in the long term that it would provide to them. The Scladio never entered the war thinking about sacrificing everything for victory, choosing instead the path that would let them obtain the greatest advantage of the event.
    In the end, they settled for a Servant who would not be concerned about morality, an anti-hero willing to sacrifice others for victory. An infamous spellcaster who could teach them forgotten mysteries and forbidden arts.
    Baba Yaga, the terrible Slavic witch.
    The Scladio representatives, which used others as sacrifice for their magecraft, thought of her as the perfect partner in the Holy War.
    Soon, the factory that they used as a stronghold was filled with victims that were turned into sources of magical energy, provided by the family from outside the land were the war would be disputed.
    As the spirit they were trying to summon was famous for her cruelty towards children, mostly infants were used as sacrifices to store magical energy. Drugged until they were little more than mindless dolls, they were slowly turned into magical energy for the future Scladio's Servant, until only one remained.
    The last piece of the ritual, a little girl with doll-like features, blessed with unnatural silver hair. Apparently, her name and origins were a mystery that only the higher ups of the organization knew.
    Blessed with great magical potential, the headmaster of the delegation that was sent to participate in the Holy War thought about taking her as his pupil and personal toy, but refusing to sacrifice her would be the same as betraying the Scladio family, which was tantamount to suicide.
    "What a shame" Muttered the man as he touched the girl's face, but she remained emotionless.
    Since that girl came to the land of the Holy Grail, she just showed the minimum reactions to cover her vital functions. She never batted an eye when she saw other's being turned into solid prana, or even talked to someone unless she was threatened. Most of the time, she just looked at the ceiling with a melancholic expression.
    She looked at the transmutation circle at her feet without any emotion.





    "Oh, so now I'm going to die" Thought the nameless girl, without giving it much importance.
    She walked on her own towards the center of the circle, following the process that she saw dozens of times. Some of the Scladio mages looked at her, wondering what was wrong with that girl's head, who fearlessly stepped in (to) her own death.
    The deadly mechanism activated, her body began to scream. Yet, she accepted that pain without even twisting her lips.
    "So this is how death feels, it's strange."
    "I wonder, did it feel like this too, that time?"
    "Although I can't even remember what that time means anymore."
    "Yeah, if I could make a wish..."
    "If I could remember my sins..."
    Unconsciously, the girl obtained something in the gates of death.
    Her doll-like body was too anomalous to have a will to live, yet, the senses that so greatly differed from those of humans refused to shut down.
    It was not the desire to survive, but rather, the desire to know.
    She refused to have such a meaningless death.
    And, from within her head, an ancient voice asked a question.
    "What is your wish, my master?"
    "Ah... A wish" Her dying brain began to materialize a suitable shape for her thoughts.
    At the same time, the Scladio mages began to prepare their defensive spells, feeling the immense surge of power that stopped the sacrifice ritual.
    "I want to live!" The scream of the nameless girl froze the blood of the Scladio mages.

    First, the headmaster thought that the ritual was a success.
    With her dying cry, the life of the young girl became the catalyst to summon Baba Yaga. That was the most logical conclusion.
    "No... Impossible" All the mages were in shock.
    Yeah, it was perfect.
    Even the temperature drastically dropped when the winter servant was summoned, filling the air with crystals of frozen prana.
    Yet, the shape that was partially covered under the mist of diamond dust greatly differed from that of the cursed witch.
    It was due to their miscalculation: They intended to use "The despair of children" to summon a kindred spirit, but the nameless girl refused to surrender, turning said despair into a wish.
    The catalyst was reversed, becoming "The hope of children".
    The cloud of perfect snow, resembling sapphire, revealed the shape of a man clad in a red and white best.
    An old man, whose body was not that of the infamous sorcerer or a proud warrior, but rather that of someone who lived in opulence.
    But, despite his well-feed (fed) body, his clothes looked old and worn out.
    It was not the armor of an immaculate knight, but the garments of someone who performed his duty faithfully during a long time. In a sense, it felt like his clothes had gradually grown older with him.
    The face of the old man, filled with generosity, was partially covered by a long, white beard.
    "The Seals! She has the Command Spells!" Shouted one of the mages, signaling the body that the giant held in his strong arms.
    The unconscious girl, barely alive after the life-transmutation spell, had three glowing stigmas in her right hand.
    The mages were ready to shoot a barrage of spells to the defenseless girl, when a sound echoed above their screams.
    Bells.
    The tingling (pretty sure this should be "tinkling") sound came from the cloud of snow. Eight silhouettes stood majestically behind the wall of diamond dust, with their branched horns held high.
    One of the stags began to advance, stopping besides the man in red, who carefully left the unconscious children in it's back.
    "I assume that the piles of clothes around the factory are from other children whom I couldn't rescue."
    The gentle expression of the old man became hard as stone, the immense presence of the Servant chocked half of the Scladio mages, forcing them to crawl as they desperately gasped for air.
    The leader of the Scladio cursed his own pride. He was so confident in his success that he didn't care about cleaning the proofs (the plural here is unnecessary) of his crimes.
    "From the knowledge the Grail has granted me, there's no way to reverse the process, which means that you essentially killed defenseless children for your own greed, right?"
    Despite his calm words, the murderous intent of the Servant was so intense that it blocked the Scladio's movements. Reacting to the quiet fury of their master, the seven remaining reindeer began to advance towards the immobilized mages.
    "You can't do this! If you're that hero, then you are the definition of good! You wouldn't take another's life!" Screamed the leader, only to be answered with the cold stare of the crimson hero.
    "You forfeited your lives when you spilled the blood of those children"
    Hearing their master's response, the seven reindeer slaughtered the Scladio's mages, before destroying the piles of jewels made by human sacrifices.

    After the almost instantaneous massacre, Rider used his power as a Saint to conjure a Holy Shroud that would prevent his master's deterioration.
    After a few minutes, the girl opened her eyes, only to see the gigantic Servant she summoned.
    "You were... The one in my head"
    "Servant Rider. I'm sorry, I couldn't come earlier to your help. I've summoned a Shroud that will keep your body safe, but the damage you suffered during the transference is severe. Should you take it off, your body would likely collapse in less than a day."
    The girl looked at the white cloth covering her left arm and part of her torso. She could feel an immense magical energy pulsating from within it.
    "So, you were the one who saved me... But I thought you were only a child's tale."
    "And what is the Holy Grail War, if not an occasion for legends and tales to manifest themselves?" Inquired Rider "From now on you should rest, Master. By the way, how should I call you?"
    "Call me as you please, I don't have a name to begin with" Replied the silver-haired girl "If I were to win the war, then I guess my wish would be to regain the one my parents gave me at birth."
    "I see... Then I shall cal you Alice until your true name is revealed. I think you already know who I am, but I will clarify it, just in case." Rider took a deep breath "I fight this war for the sake of a world where no children has to cry or scream for help. I was baptized as Nicholas, although I was latter called Nikolaos of Myra... But I guess I'm more well known as Santa Claus."
    In that fated night, the nameless girl began her new life with the Servant of charity.

    Rider was remembering the events of his summoning, looking at his sleeping Master, when a strange object came through one of the windows.
    A piece of paper, which was quickly followed by a dozen more.
    Out in the city, strange papers were falling like snow, filling the streets with their strange message.

  20. #20
    屍鬼 Ghoul Siege's Avatar
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    Would you consider the format of the last chapter an improvement, then? Considering that now everything is together as a block of text and the spaces indicate a separation. That's how I saw it in the Strange Fake's translation, at least.

    BTW, my most sincere thanks for the compliments ^^, I'm glad that you liked it that much. About the inspiration, the only thing I recall "copying" from somewhere else was his Animal language skill, but I don't remember where I saw it, sorry.

    And yeah, the family is a branch from the one that appears in Strange Fake.

    And, as always, the corrections are appreciated ^^
    The turtle moves!

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