Pedro II: Wow, what an awesome way to kick off the round. The amount of love and patriotism you poured into constructing this guy definitely shows.
Out of curiosity, does his Conceptual Improvement only affect living beings or objects too? If the former I'd suggest giving him a unique variant like Conceptual Improvement (Life) and nixing the EX-rank, which feels slightly wanked IMO. But that's a small critique, and it doesn't detract from the general awesomeness of your sheet. Oh and one more thing; his final NP doesn't have any rank listed. Might want to correct that.
Yeah my bad, it was something I myself was struggling on.
But I had to make those two affect each other so that the Noble Phantasm could work mechanically as I imagined
Seriously though, people doing sheets for their own national heroes is really cool. As a Canadian, I wish I could think of any cool Canadian heroes who'd be worth making into Servants...
Given how much you hyped the guy, I'm actually a little surprised Sempre o Brasil is "only" A-rank. Being able to rewrite the texture of the world could easily warrant EX-rank IMO, even if he can hardly use it due to Mana cost.
I thought on putting EX rank there, but i decided to put A there because that can really only happen when he gets a hold of a very potent source of prana (the grail) so in the end really is the grail doing most of the work.
But yeah, i might change some small details like ranks and stats while fixing the grammar mistakes that i will find.
I'm going to keep my more elaborated review for the end of the contest but... YES. This is it my dude, you did it, I love it. His first two skills aren't much of a surprise considering our discussion, but I really like the third one and his NPs. I can say without a doubt that you managed to make the Noble Phantasms way more interesting than what I had in mind.
Tá demais cara, de verdade, único problema é que também tava pensando em talvez fazer ele pra esse mês (Juro que tinha esquecido da nossa conversa! Faculdade ta ocupando todas as minhas capacidades mentais nesse final de semestre!), mas considerando que tivemos aquelas conversas acho que terminaria com algo muito similar a isso, e também não quero te dar uma rasteira fazendo o mesmo servo ou nada assim. Ainda tenho interesse em fazer uma versão Rider dele, talvez focando em aspectos diferentes, mas acho que é melhor deixar isso pro Create-a-Servant mesmo!
Just take another look over his sheet okay? There are quite a few misspellings and other small mistakes, specially in the Bio section.
Originally Posted by At Johann Gutenberg’s memorial
Lacking is the might in the lead that became bullets, when compared to the might in lead that became writing
”Ringe er magten i det bly, der blev til kugler, i sammenligning med den i det bly, der blev til skrift.”
Faceclaim:
Class: Assassin
Other Classes: Caster
True Name: Georg Brandes Alignment: True Neutral
Place of Origin: Denmark, 1842-1927
STR: E AGI: D CON: E
LCK: A+ MGI: C NP: C
Height: 178cm Weight: 68kg Likes: The smell of books old and new, promising youths, Nietzsche Dislikes: Romanticism, Religion Natural Enemy: J. P. Jacobsen Talent: Translation, scathing critique. Attribute: Man Armament: Harsh words, Mystic Eyes Catalyst: Authentic signature or original copy of his works.
Class Skill:
Espionage: D+
Rather than concealment, it is the act of blending in without appearing hostile. Well-traveled and charismatic, Assassin, who is not experienced in real infiltration, has this in place of the Presence Concealment skill. Personal Skills:
Mystic Eyes: C
Denotes that the Servant possesses Mystic Eyes capable of interfering with the natural world. A combination of his way of life and an eye defect caused Assassin to develop Mystic Eyes of Flaw Discernment. These Mystic Eyes are constantly active and allows him to perceive the weak points and composition of things, such as being instantly able to see where a wall is most vulnerable to be broken through and noticing errors in architecture, or the weakpoints in a fighting stance. Of course, this also extends to less physical things as well, such as writing, personalities or even arguments, allowing Assassin insight into how best critique something or talk down someone. While very useful for both physical and intellectual work, these eyes inevitably makes quite the cynic out of the possessor.
Incitement: C+
The ability to guide the masses through gesture and speech. When deployed against a single opponent, it functions as a sort of mental attack. Assassin brought about a change of literary eras among both the common folk and intelligentsia of Northern Europe, and his lectures are among the most legendary ever given in the history of Copenhagen University, being among the first ever recorded on early film cameras as well. When combined with the power of his Mystic Eyes, Assassin becomes almost unbeatable in an argument.
Hero Creation: C
Represents the techniques and art of artificially creating a ‘Hero’. Though a staunch critic of the periods of romantic and romanticism, Assassin had an obsession with “Great Personalities” in his later life and his staunch criticism and principles in the intellectual community at the time caused the rise and fall of many an author. By pointing out flaws in someone and helping them better themselves repeatedly, Assassin can turn someone into the best they can be in a matter of days or weeks, surpassing the speed of any ordinary training routine or education. If blessed with a Master that excels in combat, this ability will allow them to operate on the level of a low-ranking Servant if their partnership can endure the fact that Assassin is heartlessly barraging the target of this ability with constructive, if vitriolic, criticism.
Noble Phantasm:
A Swan on the Scene may be a Goose in Reality
The Stream of Time Sweeps Away Errors: C
The rejection of romanticism, of self-deception and regression. Focusing his Mystic Eyes and his staunch worldview to their absolute limit, Brandes imposes his will upon a part of reality that doesn’t belong. This ability, exclusively effective against things or powers based in deception or untruths, essentially causes a small-scale causality interference that wipes out all untruths or impossibilities, particularly those rooted in outdated worldviews. Noble Phantasms or skills based in unsightly rumors or misinformation such as Innocent Monster, Distortion, Ephemeral Dream and the like are not just disabled, but removed from the target entirely, undoing any of the transformations that come with it. This includes things such as Mad Enhancement where madness is based in false rumors about the person’s sanity, and will forcibly remodel the Berserker in question to another class to better reflect the reality of things. Of course, the consequences of this stitching of causality will still apply to the victim of this Noble Phantasm, so a transformation that penalizes the user with afflictions or death after deactivation or it’s time running out will still have its consequences, a rightful punishment for breaching the sanctity of the natural order.
Of course, a result where the reality of things is more beneficial for the target than the lie is entirely possible as well. For Brandes, accepting truth accepts that the good comes as well as the bad.
Lore and Personality
Georg Brandes was a 19th century scholar, professor and educator of the mid-19th century, a revolutionary thinker responsible for the “Modern Breakthrough” of Danish literature and art by breaking through the conventions of romanticism and telling stories of humanity’s reality through a naturalistic lens. Inspiring a new age of thinkers, as well as authors like Henrik Pontoppidan, Herman Bang and Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson, Brandes was also a staunch supporter of Nietzsche and exchanged several letters with him as well as translating his works into Danish for the first time. Nietzsche himself called Brandes’ description of his philosophy as “Aristocratic Radicalism” the most clever thing he had ever read about himself. Later in life, he would also go on to co-found Politiken, a newspaper that endures to this day as one of the biggest in Denmark, and spoke out against religion and imperialism both during the first World War.
As a person, Brandes comes off as couth and perhaps even a bit unfriendly, but never deliberately malicious. As someone who never lies and sees the cracks in the world and its inhabitants, hes seems quite cynical and perhaps even brutal, but never ill-intended. He believes that seeing everything as it is is the greatest privilege, even though it causes him far more trouble than it does him good. Despite this cynicism, however, he is quite the optimist and never fatalistic, believing that for better or worse things generally always work out as they “should”. Though a pain in the ass to listen to, he will only mean well for a Master and try his best to improve them to make up for his own abysmal combat performance. This is especially true if the Master is young, for there is nothing Brandes, an educator, loves quite as much as a promising youth, a person so full of potential to be unleashed by his chisel of criticism hammering away the flaws and insecurities that permeate those not yet settled in life.
His wish is to find a proper resolution with J.P Jacobsen, a companion of his and another famous author who, despite believing in Brandes’ naturalism ended up writing a romantic ending to his magnum opus shortly before his passing away from Tuberculosis. While Brandes wouldn’t say that his harsh criticisms and berating of Jacobsen was unfounded at the time, he does believe that they left things off on an extremely sour note, and that being so unrelenting in a time where a dying man resorted to hoping for a miracle reflects poorly on himself.
Bond CE
The Potential of Youth
“On entering life, then, young people meet with various collective opinions, more or less narrow-minded. The more the individual has it in him to become a real personality, the more he will resist following a herd. But even if an inner voice says to him; “Become thyself! Be thyself!” he hears its appeal with despondency. Has he a self? He does not know; he is not yet aware of it. He therefore looks about for a teacher, an educator, one who will teach him, not something foreign, but how to become his own individual self. We had in Denmark a great man who with impressive force exhorted his contemporaries to become individuals. But Søren Kierkegaard’s appeal was not intended to be taken so unconditionally as it sounded. For the goal was fixed. They were to become individuals, not in order to develop into free personalities, but in order by this means to become true Christians. Their freedom was only apparent; above them was suspended a “Thou shalt believe!” and a “Thou shalt obey!” Even as individuals they had a halter round their necks, and on the farther side of the narrow passage of individualism, through which the herd was driven, the herd awaited them again one flock, one shepherd. It is not with this idea of immediately resigning his personality again that the young man in our day desires to become himself and seeks an educator. He will not have a dogma set up before him, at which he is expected to arrive.”
McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
Class: Berserker Other Applicable Classes: Caster Alignment: Chaotic Good Sex: Male Height: 200 cm Weight: 104 kg Place of Origin: 19th Century Scotland Armament: None
STR: C CON: D AGI: A MGI: C LCK: C- Noble Phantasm: D
Legend
A pioneer in the field of surgery. A man whose skill saved countless lives when speed was all that mattered. A paragon of justice in a field riddled with corruption. The man whose most famous case resulted in the only known surgical operation with a 300% mortality rate. Even fresh out of the University of Edinburgh, it seemed that Robert Liston would be destined for high status. He was the first ‘Great Northern Anatomist’ of Blackwell’s Magazine and became a surgeon in the Royal Infirmary. Liston was only equalled in his surgical skill by his unbreakable will and his confrontational style. He willingly took, and saved, countless patients other surgeons deemed hopeless. In their jealousy, they exiled him to the south, where he found his true calling in operating on whoever needed it most with no regard for prestige or payment. To him, it was just another challenge. Liston became a legend while he yet lived. His fame was such that it was hard to distinguish myth from truth. As a Berserker, he is summoned in his more reckless youth. The role of Caster would summon a more skilled surgeon rather than the foolish hero of justice befitting the Berserker class container.
Tactics
Liston's Mad Enhancement has severely altered the way he perceives the world. He sees everyone and everything as some sort of living flesh creature. The walls pulsate to him, people appear as shambling mounds of organs, and his enemies appear as diseased monstrosities. However, Liston’s Mad Enhancement also affects his ability to make judgements. Despite seeing this horror, he remains a chipper and sociable man with a strong sense of justice and an aggressive desire to see it carried out. He sees the world itself as his patient. Liston's skill Soundless, Instant Triplicate Incision is a mystery that approaches the second magic. In a world without anaesthesia or disinfectants, lives were saved through sheer speed alone. Liston, in his maddened desperation to save as many lives as he could, strove to be the fastest surgeon in the world. He practiced day in and day out until his technique was refined enough that he could start an incision while another cut was still being made. The blades moved faster than sound and perhaps even light itself. Such was the madness of the gatekeeper of life and death.
Class Abilities
Mad Enhancement: EX
Liston sees the battlefield as an operating theatre. He sees combat as a challenge to his surgical ability. He sees enemies as diseased flesh abominations that only he can challenge. He will do things as quickly and efficiently as possible. His behavior is that of an exceptionally chivalrous and noble man, albeit one with exceptionally faulty judgement. His sense of justice is impeccable, so his ability to reason is especially weak and he is wholly incapable of complex strategy.
Personal Skills
Surgical Procedure: C
Mad Enhancement has lowered this from its original rank (A). It only affects his judgement, and not his precision and speed with a scalpel.
Human Anatomy Understanding (False): B+
A form of 'supernatural diagnosis’. The ability to detect biological weaknesses in individuals through a sort of second sight. Works even in the heat of battle, though successfully exploiting those weaknesses is a separate issue. To Liston, weak spots emit a gentle inviting glow, ripe for extraction!
Anesthesia: C
Allows for the willed nullification of pain. The effect can be shared with other individuals or used as an attack in the form of mental interference that slows reaction time. As one of the first proponents of anaesthesia in Europe, Liston would have an A rank in this skill normally, but it has been lowered because of his Berserker class container.
Liston Style: Instant Immaculate Incision
A style and technique of high-speed surgery. Given that just two limbs are not enough for Liston’s personal style, he wields a third knife in his mouth. The technique involves two simultaneous series of strikes, each with the three blades, thus culminating in six strikes to remove offending matter. The six slashes meet at an extremely close range directly in front of Liston, cleanly dissecting whatever is in their path without a single opportunity to escape.
Noble Phantasm
Vorpal Swords
The Sharpest Blades in Europe
Rank: D Type: Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm Range: 5 m
Maximum Targets: Single Target
A series of archaic surgeon’s tools with glowing white edges. There are three, an Amputating Knife, a Bonesaw, and a Scalpel. The instruments can cut through flesh and bone with supernatural ease, but they fail somewhat when trying to cut directly through synthetic material, such as armor. These blades were gifted unto him within the Throne of Heroes by a certain notable English Writer and a certain famous English Nurse. While loath to accept gifts from Englishmen, he could not pass up this offer since he himself doesn’t have a proper Noble Phantasm under the Berserker class. Since he was well known for his speed, the transfer of the “Vorpal Sword” over to him was rather easy. The singular sword was fashioned into a triumvirate of tools he could use in saving lives. After all, the faster he acted the more lives he could save. According to a certain rulebook, passing a rather difficult luck check can lead to these blades immediately decapitating a foe. As a surgeon, Liston would rather not have things come to that, but his C- rank in luck does not make this a feasible occurrence anyway. As the original holder of these Noble Phantasms was a Caster class servant, and author no less, these weapons will always go pitifully unfulfilled unless some rare circumstances come to pass.
Author's Notes
Other than him possessing the Vorpal Swords, this is pretty accurate to his actual legend. Accounts describe him as acting so fast that "the first flash of his knife was followed so swiftly by the rasp of saw on bone that sight and sound seemed simultaneous. To free both hands, he would clasp the bloody knife between his teeth" (Richard Gordon). If he was in FGO, I could see him as a Quick-card focused Servant. Are there any out there?
BOND CE
Broken Pocket Watch
───"Time me gentlemen! Time me!" His blades flash in the flickering light of the oil lamps. He leaps upon his strapped-down patient like a duelist, much to the applause of his audience. Two and a half minutes pass and the job is finished. Another life saved!
Three lives lost. The patient died of gangrene. The young assistant lost his fingers and also died of gangrene. A spectator died of a heart attack while watching. One life went in to be saved, three lives lost in the battle.
This was nothing. Far too many people died without the presence of a surgeon to help them. Speed was of the essence here. Perhaps he could have saved the patient if he had been faster?
Of course. If he had been faster there would be less blood loss, less infection. The spectator would barely have noticed. The assistant would barely have time to stick his meddling fingers in there.
Speed was of the essence. He just had to push himself harder, further. "All else being equal, the operator's success will be in direct ratio to his quickness." ─── Florence Nightingale
Hear me now, O heart of the World:
Light of Man, Dawn of Life
Reaching Antiquity, Seizing the Future
I call upon the stories of heroes long forgotten
With this hand I will make thee whole.
Hear me now, God of Prophecy,
I take up thy Mantle:
Liston: Hold on, does he have Zorro's Three-Sword Style except with scalpels as a Skill? Now that is cool.
Also, is his variation of Mad Enhancement inspired by Fuminori's "condition" from Saya No Uta? (Albeit, he thankfully seems much more well-adjusted about it...)
"Do not fret Master, I have conquered Antarctic and battled giant sea monsters. A Holy War is nothing special."
True Name: Nemo (Latin for "Nobody") Title: "The Nameless Captain of the Nautilus" Origin: Literary
Period: 19th Century Region: The Seven Seas Catalyst: A shard of Robert Fulton's Nautilus which Nemo's was based on. Armament: None (He'll MacGuyver it) Alignment: True Neutral Likes: His Crew, Playing the Organ Dislikes: Abuse of Science, Imperialism Talents: Engineering, Languages Natural Enemy: Empires
Parameters:
Nemo takes the appearance of a stern older gentleman, but do not be deceived he has the strength and agility of a man many years younger than himself due to being a Phantom constructed of the many captains who lead the Nautilus over the years. A natural born leader, Nemo does not take orders from anyone he does not respect and therefore will try to take charge in his relationship with his Master but if they can earn his respect then he will become devoted to them. As Nemo despises the surface world, he doesn't follow any kind of laws or regulations except for the ones he sets himself - this extends to even the rules around the Holy Grail War. That said, he is not without a heart and identifies strongly with the oppressed and would not normally do anything that would bring harm upon those that cannot fight back (unless it truly is for the greater good as with his hand in Atlantis' destruction). Naturally cautious, Nemo takes warfare completely seriously and will recommend various strategies to his Master such as building a series of hidden fortified bases to retreat to as well as arming Nemo with modes of transport (thanks to his Riding ability) and weapons he can upgrade using his Conceptual Improvement Skill. While stronger than the average person, being a human from much later on puts him at a disadvantage compared to the heroes and demi-humans of long ago and so Nemo has no choice but to employ hit and run tactics not dissimilar to Assassin, he must do everything he can to survive whilst finding a weakness in the enemy to strike.
His wish upon the Grail: To destroy the Nautilus and all other traces of Atlantean technology as it must not be abused, lest humanity fall to the same fate as Atlantis.
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance - (D) A Skill granting protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Though not a Mage, thanks to trading goods with Atlantis, Nemo has a collection of trinkets that offer minor protection against magic and other supernatural effects. Cancels Single-Action spells without difficulty but offers no defence against stronger spells.
Riding - (C) A Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. Rider-class Servants will typically possess a high rank. It is said that dragon type mounts are an exception, requiring a different ability other than Riding. Nemo gains a Rank Up in this Skill when his mount is a mechanical type, but suffers a Rank Down if the mount is a living animal.
Personal Skills
Conceptual Improvement - (B) The special right and unfair advantage of improving any tool, from any given time or place. A bow becomes stronger, a sword becomes sharper, an axe becomes heavier, etc. Thanks to discovering Atlantis and learning how their advanced technology works and replicating it, he is now able to apply this Skill as a Servant to any (metal based) weapon or mechanical vehicle he gets his hands on and "improve" it to the point where even objects from the present era can deal damage to Servants.
Expert of Many Specializations - (C) The access to and use of many professional skills. Being the collective of the many captains aboard the Nautilus, Nemo has the summation of their life experiences and subsequent skills. Biology, Engineering, Hand to Hand Combat, Languages, Marksmanship, Music, Navigation, and Swordsmanship are just some of the skills Nemo has access to at the proficiency of Rank C.
Golden Rule - (B) A Skill that refers to the measurement of one's fortune to acquire wealth. Housed in the Grand Saloon of the Nautilus are several masterpieces of both painting and sculpture, from ancient and contemporary European masters along with his collection of pearls, corals and other such marine products, which he had gathered over the course of his various lives. This collection is said to far outstrip even that of the Louvre and Nemo stated that even paying off the (then) national debt of France was no issue to him.
Voyager of the Storm - (A) The talent to sail vessels recognized as ships. Because the ability as a group leader is also necessary, this unique Skill also has the effects of both Charisma and Military Tactics. As the fearless Captain of the Nautilus, Nemo has overcome many seemingly impossible trials and tribulations through calm analysis of the situation and choosing the best course of action by trusting in his own abilities combined with leading his crew.
Nobel Phantasm:
Mobilis in mobili
The Nautilus
- (C)
The "masterpiece containing masterpieces" designed and comanded by Captain Nemo. To this day it still sleeps buried under the volacnic eruption of Lincoln Island. Awakening to its master's call, the Nautilus bursts free and rushes to his location - even using it's Vertical Launch System to achieve a "Flight Mode" to go anywhere it needs to. A terrifying war machine, it is approximately 150 metres in length and filled with scientific marvels, such as electricity, indoor plumbing and a "particle annihilation engine" as its power source. For offence, it boasts an array of armaments including cannons, anti-aircraft turrets, torpedoes and missiles. Heavy bombardment from the Nautilus can only be dodged by the faster Servants or stopped by those with sturdy defences. It also possesses a powerful ramming prow for close quarters with another vessel. With its sturdy defences, an Anti- Fortress Nobel Phantasm is required to penetrate it. However, summoning the Nautilus requires a large amount of energy and so it cannot be deployed for long stretches of combat and must be used both wisely and conservatively.
Return All Creation To Nothingness
Anti-Matter Explosive Compression Emitter
- (A)
The Atlanteans' obsession with advancing science lead to their destruction, and Nemo salvaged their final idea - a weapon that could end a civilisation in a single strike - and then miniaturised it to fit on the Nautilus. By connecting the Particle Annihilation Engine to the enormous firing gate at the Nautilus' bow, enabling the anti-matter energy power of the engine to be fired in a stream directly forwards. It takes several minutes to charge up, but once fired it obliterates anything in its path and can destroy an entire city in a single moment. Of course, Nemo would avoid firing it in the direction of civilisation and even using it is an absolute final resort. The biggest drawback to using this attack is that it drains all the power from the engine and renders the Nautilus inoperable for the next 72 hours until it has finished recharging. Also targeting a single opponent that is most likely moving constantly is incredibly difficult.
Lore
The literary hero of multiple works as recorded by Jules Verne, including 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea & The Mysterious Island. Some say he was a member of the Polish Szlachta, whilst others claim he was Prince Dakkar - son of the Hindu Raja of Bundelkhand. The truth is he is both and more for "Nemo" is no one but the Captain of the Nautilis, thus whenever Nemo dies another of the crew is declared Nemo and the information regarding the Nautilus and related matters is handed down. But, as the Nautilus had so few new recruits per year and the increasing opposition of the world's Governments trying the sink the ship, the crew eventually dwindled until the last Nemo (Dakkar) was left at Lincoln Island who passed away of old age, entombed inside the Nautilis which was buried under a volcanic explosion.
***
Creator's Notes
Despite the FC, Yamato isn't really the inspiration but it's actually due to me having been watching "Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water" recently hence the emphasis on Atlantean tech and incorporating bits of the Neo-Nautilus into the Servant Sheet. That said, I do plan on watching Yamato one day, if they ever bring it to the UK either streaming or on home media. T_T
The idea of making him a legacy character came from the events surrounding Nemo's origins (he was originally going to be Polish but changed at the last minute to Indian which why his appearance is described slightly differently in Leagues as opposed to Island) as well as chronological inconsistencies in the timeline as a result from incompetant editors.
I feel like I made the NPs a little too OP but then Nemo is very weak without them and even then he can't just spam them constantly.
Last edited by Skull; June 4th, 2018 at 03:50 PM.
"Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"
(Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)
Ugh, I have an idea that I really want to post, but i know it will tear this thread apart with discussion over whether it's allowed or not... eh, I'll just post him in the normal Create-a-Servant thread.
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Originally Posted by JetKinen
