Page 54 of 369 FirstFirst ... 4444952535455565964104154 ... LastLast
Results 1,061 to 1,080 of 7368

Thread: Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

  1. #1061
    The Almighty Hero Fabuzer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Milan, Italy
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    48
    "Joke" Servants shouldn't be this good. This is like the Harambe sheet all over again.

    Seriously, though, this deserves one of my votes at least for its ingenuity.

  2. #1062
    超刻 Hyperreal Nuclear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    3,332
    Blog Entries
    2
    Appearance

    True Name: Simoun
    Class: Alter Ego
    Source: “The Social Cancer” and "The Reign of Greed" by Rizal
    Region: Philippines
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Height: 147 cm
    Weight: 52 kg
    Parameters
    Strength: D
    Constitution: B+
    Agility: A
    Magical Energy: C
    Luck: ?
    Noble Phantasm: C
    Background
    A vengeance-seeker whose exploits are recorded in the novels “The Social Cancer (Noli Me Tangere)” and “The Reign of Greed (El Filibusterismo)” penned by Jose Rizal. Crisostomo Ibarra was a Filipino expatriate who returned to his hometown after years of study in Spain. However, he experienced a great deal of suffering at the hands of the local authorities, who eventually left him for dead. He,however, survived and fled the country for some time, returning under the assumed identity of Simoun, a wealthy jeweler aligned with the ruling class. Under this guise, he fomented rebellion among his countrymen, exposing their hidden resentments and stockpiling weapons in plain sight. However, both of his attempted coups d’etat failed,and he took his own life using poison after entrusting his wealth to a kindly old priest.

    Despite possessing aptitude for both the Assassin and Avenger classes, it is in this highly unusual container that Simoun’s full potential is unlocked. The novels that contain his legend are highly allegorical and possess a great degree of verisimilitude due to the fact that all of the characters were based on people Rizal knew on a personal basis, or on Rizal himself. In this case, the character [Crisostomo Ibarra] is a stand-in for Rizal himself and the vehicle through which he makes his philosophy known. In other words, [Crisostomo Ibarra] is Rizal’s Alter Ego.

    However,there remains the question of adding [the Count of Monte Cristo] into the equation. The simple answer would be because Rizal adored the Count’s story, so much so that he included it in his greatest undertaking: establishing a Philippine country. Knowing that such a feat would require a power equal to the Authority of a god, he split the process into three parts, namely: [reclaiming the country’s lost past], [shedding light on its present condition], and [foretelling its observable future]. “The Social Cancer” and “The Reign of Greed” belong to the second category, using the narrative framework of the world’s most famous avenger, tempered with Rizal’s ideas, to create a [nobody who represents everybody], living in a town that is both nowhere and everywhere at the same time, in order to shine a light on the common experiences lived by the people of the islands.
    Skills
    Class Skills
    Avenger: B
    It is one’s state of being as an avenger that gathers people’s hatred and resentment onto oneself, a way of being that became a Skill. Resentment lingering in Simoun’s environs becomes magical energy that increases his power.

    Self-Replenishment (Mana)
    : D
    One’s magical energy endlessly surges until their revenge is accomplished.Recovers a minuscule amount of magical energy every turn.

    Territory Creation
    : EX (B)
    The ability to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus. Although Simoun is limited to the construction of a Workshop, it is possible to expand its area of effect to cover an entire country.

    Personal Skills
    Golden Rule: A
    As the conceptual inheritor of the hidden treasure of the Chateau d’If, financial matters are of no consequence to Simoun.

    Expert of Many Specializations: C
    A Skill inherited from Simoun’s creator, Jose Rizal, contrasting the latter’s Natural-Born Genius Skill. Mastery in fields such as land surveying, medicine, fine arts, and rhetoric can be displayed.

    Incitement: B+
    Skill in influencing individuals or groups. All persuasion and intimidation checks have their success rate doubled. In particular, it becomes easier for Simoun to bring forth hidden resentment and rebellious thoughts in his listeners.
    Noble Phantasm
    San Diego Mythologie
    The Lamp King

    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Unit
    Range: —
    Maximum Number of Targets: 1 person
    The existence of one who has beheld the fourteen relics of the Monte Cristo, mingled with a fragment of the Authority possessed by the divinities of yore, crystallized into a Noble Phantasm. This Noble Phantasm causes all of Simoun’s magical energy to be automatically expressed as poisonous black flames, allows him to not receive any kind of poison, and reduces the effects of mental interference. It is also possible to even conceal his own status and Class, displaying false information. Upon releasing its True Name, all of Simoun’s magical energy is expelled as an outburst of black flames that causes opponents to attack each other in panic.

    —However. The flames that devour the corrupt souls of the oppressors are also the flames that light the way to a brighter future. Simoun’s existence as [a nobody who represents everybody] who exposes corruption and drags out the hidden feelings of others also brings to light the shared joys and pains of those who witness him, paving the way for the creation of a socio-political entity founded on these shared experiences.
    Author’s Notes
    It’s shit.

    Recommended Reading
    The three main works through which Rizal expounds on his idea of a Filipino nation:
    • This translation of Rizal’s annotations on de Morga’s Sucesos de las Islas Filipinas.
    • Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, obviously.
    • This handy slideshow on The Philippines: A Century Hence.


  3. #1063
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,082
    Blog Entries
    1
    Simoun: Cool idea, but his NP is a very blatant ripoff of Dantes'. Obviously intentional and it makes perfect sense thematically, but it still feels a little lacking.

    Maybe flesh out the "light the way to a brighter future" aspect beyond just flavor-text?

  4. #1064
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Freyden, USA
    Posts
    139
    Blog Entries
    7
    Shinji would be 20th century though, and late 20th at that. Wasn't this a 19th century competition?

    edit:

    Wait I see now. Somehow I repeatedly missed thr "Character Profile" section. Whoops.

    Hear me now, O heart of the World:
    Light of Man, Dawn of Life
    Reaching Antiquity, Seizing the Future
    I call upon the stories of heroes long forgotten
    With this hand I will make thee whole.
    Hear me now, God of Prophecy,
    I take up thy Mantle:

    Virgilius Musagetes
    Chorus of the Incarnate Dawn




    Servant List

  5. #1065
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,082
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by gyrowins View Post
    Shinji would be 20th century though, and late 20th at that. Wasn't this a 19th century competition?
    Manfred's poem was written in the 19th century though.

  6. #1066
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    São Paulo, Brazil
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    8,038
    US Friend Code
    326,832,196
    Blog Entries
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by gyrowins View Post
    Shinji would be 20th century though, and late 20th at that. Wasn't this a 19th century competition?

    edit:

    Wait I see now. Somehow I repeatedly missed thr "Character Profile" section. Whoops.
    The Servant is Manfred, Shinji is just the vessel.

  7. #1067
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Freyden, USA
    Posts
    139
    Blog Entries
    7
    I know I know

    I'm blind

    Hear me now, O heart of the World:
    Light of Man, Dawn of Life
    Reaching Antiquity, Seizing the Future
    I call upon the stories of heroes long forgotten
    With this hand I will make thee whole.
    Hear me now, God of Prophecy,
    I take up thy Mantle:

    Virgilius Musagetes
    Chorus of the Incarnate Dawn




    Servant List

  8. #1068
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    32
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    15,583
    Blog Entries
    1
    I know I'm flaky and lazy and unreliable, but have a little faith in me. I check the sheets.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  9. #1069
    Time to burn some dread Daneel Rush's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Chaldea Naval Base
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    2,111
    Blog Entries
    1
    It's official: the 19th century bores me. I think I'll stick to ancient Servants from now on. Nevertheless, I tried. So here goes something.

    The Cosmos in Her Hands
    It smelled of steam, oil, ozone and ash. Frost and flames danced together as the temperature fluctuated wildly. Ice coated the walls, even as the shelves burned. A pipe burst, and the released cloud of steam condensed and fell as gentle snowflakes.

    The Master of Chaldea rubbed his prickling skin, irritated by the chill and his own nervousness. He felt like the deer nervously sipping at the riverside, certain of the presence of the nearby predator, even if it remained unseen. He felt like the deer nervously looking around a moment before the crocodile leaps out of the water.

    But the predator was everywhere.

    He spared a glance to the side. Charles Babbage—the mechanized power armor housing him—stood on one knee, supporting himself with the aid of his huge mace. Even the clouds of steam escaping the vents on his joints felt weakened, diminished before the enemy in front of them.

    Angrboda was activated again.

    That was the dire warning from Babbage that pushed Chaldea to mobilize back to the supposedly-restored London singularity. They were glad to see no killer fog, but on their arrival to the underground cavern they found a working machine and the one who had put it back in action.

    “Turn from whence ye cam, Mister Babbage,” coldly warned the woman who had pushed them to their knees. “Ye kin be the superior mind, bit a’m the superior Servant.”

    Click here to toggle visibility of Pixiv image

    “That…is not a acceptable course of action,” declared Babbage as he struggled back to his feet. “What you are doing here…must be stopped—guh!”

    With an almost-too-lax hand gesture, Babbage was pushed back on his knees. A thin sheet of ice great across his armor’s metallic surface, and water trickled out of its joints.

    It was not physical interference. She was not doing anything to the mechanized armor. It was the very steam he needed to power it that she targeted with her powers. And the force that pinned him to the ground…

    “This is…after all…it is gravity manipulation…!”

    “Don’t mak’ such a muckle issue of it; it’s not as if a’m after trying to conceal it,” said the woman dismissively. She seemed more preoccupied on the gauges and other instruments on and around Angrboda than on the Servant attempting to oppose her.

    “Shut down that machine and let me destroy it, madam!”

    “Aye, right!” replied the woman amidst laughter. Even the Master thought Babbage was asking for too much by just demanding her to do this his way.

    “You’re gaun your dinger ower this, Mister Babbage,” she continued. “Alas, yer personal qualms are a wee issue tae me. I will deliver th’ Holy Grail to humanity.”

    “That is—”

    “Mass-produced Holy Grails!” interrupted the woman, patting the massive apparatus with something resembling affection. “Wance I reverse-engineer a Holy Grail based on what you did’ere, I’ll gift mankind wi’ unlimited power. Think of what we will achieve! Think of how far we can go! The things that I will be able to—”

    “Grails…are not the almighty things you think they are—”

    “They are containers of great power, ‘n’ that it a’ thay hae to be,” spat the woman as if declaring the matter resolved. But Babbage did not agree.

    “Setting aside the likely abuse of such power, it would only lead to the collapse of Mystery—”

    “How come urr ye aye talking?”

    The young Master shuddered. He felt they were in the presence of a Berserker: impossible to understand, impossible to argue with, impossible to come to an agreement with. Even her cold, steel-sharp tone of voice reminded him of Kiyohime in one of her dangerous moments.

    “Madam!” insisted the fellow scientist. “Have you been so consumed by obsession that you have forgotten your own brilliance!?”

    For the first time, there was not an immediate reply. Her eyes gleamed with silent fury, and the young man both feared and anticipated an enraged assault—enraged people make mistakes, after all. However, she proved better than that, instead closing her eyes for a few seconds, pushing that rage deep inside, until her face showed nothing but calm severity.

    “…I have heard enough worthless prattle,” she declared, her elegant voice having lost any trace of accent. “Leave at once, or I will no longer hold back.”

    The young Master felt, and he knew Babbage also felt it. The creeping ice growing along the walls and ceiling. The lines of flame trailing like snakes on the floor. The sudden stillness of the damp air and the invisible “pressure” that seemingly smothered them from every direction.

    Their enemy was not merely this woman. It was the very world around them that bowed to her will. However…

    The density of magical energy had interfering, but he was confident reinforcement from Chaldea would arrive soon. He shared a look with Babbage, and both Master and Servant stood back, enduring the heightened gravitational pull with the hum of overworked machinery and gritted teeth.

    “Ada might have been able to convince you,” said Babbage. “Unfortunately, I was not gifted with the talent to lead others with my words. Your way with words, madam, was worlds vaster than my mind’s adroitness.”

    The woman had her answer. Defiant, both men readied themselves for a fatal battle.

    The young Master looked at her, and what he now saw in her eyes was disdainful pity. She was looking at him the way the hurried commuter looks at roadkill. Her irises reflected what she saw as the very image of pointlessness.

    Yes, their defiance was pointless.

    “Burn.”

    And the Master of Chaldea burned, his screams echoing futilely in the vast stone chamber.
    Servant Introduction
    Mary Somerville

    She was not a magus, but she was most definitely aiming for the Root.

    Class: Ruler
    Parameters:
    STR E
    END E
    AGI E
    MGI A
    LUK D
    Noble Phantasm EX

    Source: Historical fact
    Region: Scotland
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Gender: Female
    Attribute: Man

    “I must say the idea of making money had never entered my head… but I was intensely ambitious to excel in something, for I felt in my own breast that women were capable of taking a higher place in creation than that assigned to them in my early days, which was very low.”
    —Mary Somerville
    Biography

    “Whatever difficulty we might experience in the middle of the nineteenth century in choosing a king of science, there could be no question whatever as to the queen of science.”
    —The Morning Post, Monday 2 December 1872.

    Mary Somerville (1780-1872), nee Fairfax, the Queen of Nineteenth Century Science.

    She is the finest example of female determination, a success story about overcoming the barriers of Victoria society and prejudices towards woman in that era. She compensated for her lacking education as a child by becoming self-taught, teaching herself Latin and Greek in her teenage years so she could the classics. She fell in love with geometry and algebra, and Euclid’s Elements was her gateway to the world she would devote her life to.

    After the unexpected-yet-not-entirely-unwelcome end to her joyless first marriage, she gained the time and resources to abandon herself wholeheartedly to her passion. She became one of a dying breed: a true polymath, gaining a hold of astronomy, chemistry, geography, mechanics and electromagnetic physics. She then found love in her cousin, Doctor William Somerville, who shared her affection for the sciences, encouraged her interests and connected her with the scientific luminaries of her time. She became friends with the Anne Isabella Milbanke, and became tutoress to the baroness’ daughter, Miss Ada Lovelace. It was Mary who introduced the young Ada to one Charles Babbage.

    The feat that immortalized Mrs. Somerville was the transformation of the field of scientific writing. She lived in an era where scientific advancement was directly influencing the course of society, and the common people questioned the value of science and thirsted for understanding of the world around them. There was an interest in delivering scientific ideas and principles to the common man, to bring down godly science from her lofty pedestal, and make it something that could touch the minds of the lowliest folk. Mrs. Somerville’s The Mechanism of the Heavens was not a mere translation of Pierre-Simon Laplace’s Celestial Mechanics; it was an expanded version, carefully exposing the mathematics that support the entire solar system, translating it into common words. It became the reference tome on the field until the 1880s, and it earned her a position of eminence both as a scientist and as a writer. However, it was the first chapter of Mechanism, in which she presented a thorough yet accessible summary of the state of the physical sciences in her time, that truly brought down science to the level of the common man; like a modern-day Prometheus, she took science from the elevated, genius minds and shared it selflessly with the whole of mankind. She completed this achievement with her further two masterpieces: On the Connexion of the Physical and Sciences and Physical Geography.

    “Reading the accounts of Du Châtelet, Lovelace, and the fictional Lady Shrewsbury, one begins to get the sense that Mary Somerville was somehow too normal, too sane, too happy, and too well adjusted to be a genius. Geniuses are not usually presumed to live to their ninety-second year in the full retention of their intellectual powers and die quietly in their sleep with their devoted children around them, at peace with God and all the world.”
    —Kathryn A. Neeley, “Mary Somerville: Science, Illumination, and the Female Mind”

    Yet, for all her achievements and fame, Mrs. Somerville carries a painful regret: for as much as it will deny it, she too wanted to be one of those elevated, privileged men who could pridefully claim to have pushed mankind forward. Not merely a teacher or a collator of existing knowledge, but an innovator and a discoverer. But, she just lacks that hidden, elusive, all-too-rare “spark” that separates the genius from the common rabble. No matter how much she wants to be one of those who bring mankind one step closer to the stars, she cannot find that “something” that makes people truly exceptional. At least that’s how she sees herself.

    To the eyes of the stranger, she is a sweet, polite and demure lady of her time, “the Rose of Jedburgh” as she was called. Those who know her better not only witness her drop her calculated, elegant speech for heavily-accented Scottish slang, they are also allowed to see the spines on that rose: she is sharp, harsh, irritable and quick to bring down others with harsh words. She is the kind of person who laughingly shoves her friends face first into the mud before washing them herself and gifting them new clothes.

    Her wish is truly selfless (or so she believes), and the cosmos is in her hands. She wishes for the Holy Grail, but she has no wish to the Holy Grail. Using mere technicalities and semantics, she has earned the position in the Ruler extra class outside of a Holy Grail-based Servant summoning system. It makes complete sense: she is the one who can grasp all the rules of the world; it is natural that she is the most adept at working around them.
    Skills & Noble Phantasm
    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance – EX
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the developed Resistance that merely rejects magical energy, this Skill cancels the spells altogether.

    Ruler displays incomparable Magic Resistance mismatched to her place in history. It may be considered an aftereffect of her Noble Phantasm; as soon as she witnesses any magecraft in effect, she will grasp it in her mind, as well as the means to neutralize it. Of course, this seemingly almighty resistance only applies to spells she can rationalize as physical phenomena.


    True Name Discernment – B+
    A Class Skill of the Ruler class where status information such as one's identity, Skills and Parameters are automatically revealed to the owner of this Skill when directly encountering a Servant.

    It is perhaps this particular figure’s reputation as a collector and collator of knowledge that is here exalted with a high rank in this Skill. While a LUK check normally allows a chance of overcoming this Skill, if the Servant in question is in some way related to the natural sciences, Ruler will inevitably identify it.


    Personal Skills

    Gifted Words of Prismatic Clarity – A+

    “…what we require at any given epoch for the advancement of science is not merely to set men thinking, but to produce a concentration of thought in that part of the field of science which at that particular season ought to be cultivated. In the history of science we find that effects of this kind have often been produced by suggestive books, which put into a definite, intelligible, and communicable form, the guiding ideas that are already working in the minds of men of science, so as to lead them to discoveries, but which they cannot yet shape into a definite statement.”
    —James Clerk Maxwell (Nature 10, p303, 1874)

    The intellect and virtuosity of expression that allowed the Servant to elucidate the most ineffable concepts and help others understand the universe. A Skill that allows the exhibition and transmission of Skills that grant technical knowledge and information, and Skills that produce or influence physical phenomena, up to A rank.

    On one hand, it cannot deliver Skills that are burdens of the body, nor unique Skills characteristic of nonhuman Servants. On the other hand, based on how Ruler’s works provided suggestions and hints that led other scientists to make new discoveries (such as the discovery of the planet Neptune predicted by Ruler), this Skill allows her not only to transmit new Skills to others, but also to improve those already possessed.

    If geniuses like da Vinci and Tesla expanded the boundaries of mankind, it was people like Ruler who revealed those distant boundaries and brought them closer to the common masses.


    The Mechanism of the Heavens – A

    “The contemplation of the works of creation elevates the mind to the admiration of whatever is great and noble, accomplishing the object of all study, which in the elegant language of Sir James Mackintosh is to inspire the love of truth, of wisdom, of beauty, especially of goodness, the highest beauty, and of that supreme and eternal mind, which contains all truth and wisdom, all beauty and goodness. By the love or delightful contemplation and pursuit of these transcendent aims for their own sake only, the mind of man is raised from low and perishable objects, and prepared for those high destinies which are appointed for all those who are capable of them.”
    —Mary Somerville, “The Mechanism of the Heavens”

    Ruler’s unique Skill, named after her first major work. Originally intended to be a translation of Laplace’s five-volume magnum opus, Traité de mécanique celeste, Ruler provided a complete mechanical interpretation of the solar system, using words rather than algebra and calculus. It is in fact merely an extension, a simplified manifestation of her magnificent Noble Phantasm: a composite Skill combining Natural Insight and Mana Burst (Gravity), both at rank A.

    Natural Insight reflects her uncanny grasp of all physical phenomena, within the framework of the understanding of her era. Ruler, who was almost entirely self-taught, began her long and arduous path towards scientific greatness in her childhood years, wandering the countryside and losing herself in the observation of nature and its mysteries.


    Reckless Phantasm – B

    “I was conscious that I had never made a discovery myself, that I had no originality. I have perseverance and intelligence but no genius. That spark from heaven is not granted to the sex, we are of the earth, earthy, whether higher powers may be allotted to us in another state of existence God knows, original genius in science at least is hopeless in this.”
    —Mary Somerville (Quote from D. McMiIllan, ed., Queen of Science: Personal Recollections of Mary Somerville, Canongate Classics, 2001)

    A dangerous expression of Ruler’s lifelong frustration and shame. She had aspired to be a great scientific discoverer, like Oersted and Laplace, but she failed—her original results on the relation between light and magnetism were proven to be mistaken, a product of insufficiently cautious technique—, and with that failure she felt she had pulled all women down with her.

    As a permanent brand of that failure, as if cursing herself with a constant reminder of how lacking she believes she is, Ruler can at will choose to distort her own Noble Phantasm. In a state of excitement, like the expectation of approaching success or the heat of battle, it is easy to delude oneself and others, and substitute reality with the one of one’s desire. On that basis, she can distort her Noble Phantasm to also distort—or rather, detach—the law of cause and effect to mix and match natural, physical “causes” and “effects” at her whim. She can tear your body apart with a kiss and arouse you with a machine gun. She can strangle you with an open flame, incinerate you with a poisoned needle, and poison you with a rope.

    However, because this is done precisely by distorting the pinnacle expression of her nature as a “scientist” and a “hero”, and further tainting it with the weight of her self-deprecation, she is effectively diminishing herself as a Heroic Spirit when doing so, and Ruler takes actual damage any time she uses this Skill.

    On a side note, although her results were indeed incorrect, this does not diminish the fact that hers was the first experimental paper by a woman to be published in the Royal Society’s journal under her own name, and it established her reputation as a serious scientist, in no way inferior to the great men of science of her time.


    Virago’s Charisma – C-

    “Mrs. Mary Somerville was guilty of the most unladylike conduct in daring to write works on the Connection of the Physical Sciences…Why should any ambitious woman be allowed to invade man’s sacred domains?”
    —Alexander Graham Bell, well-known advocate of women’s rights, speaking with utmost irony.

    The Skill representing a heroine as an example to all other women, for her perseverance and glory in a field dominated by men, and an inspiration to all those women who would follow her footsteps. Perhaps the most famous and celebrated example of a true, magnificent virago would be the Maid of Orléans.

    This Skills grants morale bonuses both in and outside of battle to all female allies, boosting both physical and mental capabilities. However, the effect of this Skill is drastically diminished if their recipients witness Ruler using her Reckless Phantasm.


    Noble Phantasm
    On the Connexion of the Natural Sciences
    All Things Rendered Clear by Omnipotent Natural Law

    Rank:
    EX
    Type: Anti-World/Anti-Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-99
    Maximum Targets: --

    “To read mathematical works is an easy task; the formulae can be learned and their meaning apprehended: to read the most profound of them, with such appreciation that one stands side by side with the great minds who originated them, requires a higher order of intellect; and far-reaching indeed is that which, pondering in the study on a few phenomena known by observation, develops the theory of worlds, traces back for ages their history, and sketches the outline of their future destiny.”
    —Maria Mitchell, in praise of Mary Somerville

    Ruler’s pinnacle ability, named after her most important work. On the Connexion of the Physical Sciences is a compendium and summary of humanity’s prowess in the “hard” sciences, delivered in avoidance of challenging mathematical formulas, using words that would be understood by those outside the scientific fields. It was also a reunification of the scientific disciplines at a time when the modern paradigm of overspecialization was beginning to take root, thus reminding the world that, even if we give increasingly complicated names to each new branch of natural science, in the end they are all bound by the same all-encompassing physical principles. There lies the core of Ruler’s powers as a Servant.

    Even if she was not one of the great minds that redefined the world, none of those great feats escaped her understanding. Because she walked stepping on the footsteps of the great, constantly looking over their shoulders, there are no mysteries in this world her gifted mind cannot comprehend. Long story short, all feats and techniques born of human creativity with the purpose of understanding and controlling the physical world are in her grasp. If a human mind could come up with it, then she can reproduce it. Effectively, all physical objects, energy and phenomena within her awareness are hers to command: if she wills it, water will freeze. If she wills it, the air will ignite. If she wills it, metal will rust, stone will shatter, and flesh will rot, because all those are things humans can do. It looks like magecraft, and it feels like Imperial Privilege, but it might be something that borders on the Authority of the gods.

    She who brought down the achievements of the truly great to the minds of the common mortals is further gifted with immediate and complete understanding of Noble Phantasms she sees in use by human Servants, which allows her to neutralize them and even reproduce them to a limited degree, seemingly defined by her ability to rationalize their effect in terms of physical phenomena. In other words, techniques that, for example, produce lightning or flames will be trivially neutralized or reproduced; those that manipulate more complex, abstract concepts like probability or spacetime, and those that aim to manipulate the mind, will have their effects diminished or suffer rank-down when reproduced; and those that dabble in concepts outside the physical sciences, like “Holy” or “Demonic” weapons, are outside Ruler’s ability, as well as the mightiest Noble Phantasms that effect the very fabric of the world.

    However, despite the vast capabilities of this Noble Phantasm, no matter how thorough and deep her understanding of all things truly is, she will never create anything new and unique with it. The whole of creation is putty in her hands, yet she can only thread paths already walked by others. Her story is already written. Innovation has forever denied her.

  10. #1070
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    974
    Blog Entries
    2
    Ayyyy nice

  11. #1071
    The Mighty Mox Uralmash's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    A snowy place.
    Age
    29
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    69
    JP Friend Code
    246,613,787
    Oh, this seems fun. Is this how I do this?
    ---
    Roushigumi Berserker
    "The Shinsengumi... must die!"


    Physical Description
    Typically, he would be a traditional Roushigumi officer in uniform. A large man with a thick stature, one that makes him seem remarkably stalwart. His features are chiselled and fierce at all times, and his head is shaved with a knot much like a typical ronin. However, as an Berserker... his form has become twisted. Resembling a lycanthrope of sorts, pitch-black wire-like fur is present across his features along with blood-red eyes and elongated canine fangs. His nails have formed into grotesque claws and his overall musculature has increased. Despite all that, his form is still "human". He carries a worn sword in a sheath at all times and fights with it too. However, when entering a battle rage, he will start using his blade and claws interchangeably.

    Ascensions of the Saint Graph further mutate his outlook, until he becomes a full werewolf-type entity that constantly leaks maddening energies. A bestial manifestation of xenophobia and rage.

    Alternate Classes: Avenger, Saber, Archer
    True Name: Serizawa Kamo
    Aliases: Serizawa Kamo Taira no Mitsumoto, Genta, Shimomura Tsuguji, Kimura Keiji
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Origin: Historical Fact, Bakumatsu Era Japan
    Height & Weight: 198cm | 96kg
    Attribute: Man
    FGO Comment: At some point, national xenophobia and his "symbolism of evil" became one in the same. He is susceptible to the drink.

    Parameters
    STR C
    END D
    AGI C
    MGI E
    LCK E
    NP C

    Skills
    Class Skills

    • Madness Enhancement C+: Most of one's reason is lost and communication becomes a struggle. Oddly enough, when outside of combat, he retains the capability to speak normally. However, most conversations will often redirect themselves back to matters of his hatred and coming to an agreement is almost impossible unless it is to his whims. In battle, he becomes little more than a beast drunk on bloodlust. The effects of Madness Enhancement are increased when Shinsengumi Heroic Spirits are present.


    Personal Skills


    • Shindou Munen-Ryuu D
      An old-style kenjutsu that was regarded as a "power school" compared to other forms of koryuu. Its origins trace to the enlightenment bestowed by a God of Thunder, which is emphasized by swift yet heavy-hitting and robust strokes "like that of thunder and lightning". Having obtained a license in it, it was a close match for Serizawa. However, as a Berserker, his Rank in it has degraded considerably.
    • Wolf of Mibu B
      A personal skill derived from the title Serizawa's acts of dissonance had acquired for the Mibu Roushigumi; the Wolves of Mibu. Acts of recklessness, brutality and wanton violence have the additional effect of inflicting mental interference damage to nearby witnesses. Those who are completely defeated by such a presence become unable to resist the words of Serizawa. On fellow spirits of similar demeanour, it will instead rally them to commit similar acts of atrocity.
    • Sonnou Joui A
      "Revere the Emperor, Expel the Barbarians". A movement and ideology that embodies the hostility towards foreign influence, originating from Neo-Confucianism. Shogunate officials and foreigners were indiscriminately slain. A skill that denotes his xenophobic tendencies, damage against foreign entities is increased (that which he perceives as foreign). It also benefits as a type of Charisma skill, warranting him the attention of others and the admiration of few. The ideology and phrase became obsolete in the wake of the Meiji Restoration... but it would never leave the heart of one determined brute.

    Personality

    Gallant yet brutal. Cunning yet wild. Courageous yet cruel. Serizawa Kamo is a man of such contradictory description and renown. Due to Madness Enhancement, a certain degree of conversation is difficult, if not outright impossible. While it may seem one can hold a conversation with him, it will always fundamentally revolve around the concept of "xenophobia" and appropriately dubbed "Shinsengumiphobia". What can be gathered about his attitude from limited conversational topics, he is a loud, rude and proud individual that holds tradition in high regard. If one speaks highly of the olden times, it is possible to receive favour from him, to the point where he can swear fealty as a bodyguard. Speaking praise of that which he loathes, however, completely resets his personality and sets him into a stubborn rage. He is extremely fond of drink, even in his maddened state, though it should be kept away from him at all times due to how it amplifies his wrath. An intoxicated Serizawa will not be able to distinguish friend from foe, and chances of heavy collateral damage are high.

    This brutal demeanour should not be taken for simplicity. Rather, Serizawa is a sharp & cunning individual outside of his wild, intoxicated tantrums. While it is not presented as well in his Berserker form, there was method and reason behind his position as leader of the Miba Roushigumi and, for a limited time, the Shinsengumi.

    He is suitably "evil" in a way that benefits one's self. Beating down others, killing them leisurely, pillaging their women and riches, are all things he can be said to enjoy. He does not shy away from the fact that such atrocities are of ill nature, however. Rather, he embraces it as such and calls it "being free". He possesses a distinct "sadistic charisma" that is able to completely subdue his victims to his whims; there is a story of how Serizawa raped a man's wife... and the wife insisted to run off with Serizawa following the traumatic ordeal.

    This is all a guise, however, to conceal his insecurities deep within. This arguably furthers his own madness as he constantly convinces himself that nothing in the world can subdue his rage and violent tendencies, for it is who is. Deep down, however, there is a tender side to him that gets along well with children.
    Lore

    Serizawa Kamo's origins aren't exactly well-documented. He is known best by this name as a famous samurai that once was a leading official in the Roushigumi and Shinsengumi, but he had gone under many other names during his life. His official full name was Serizawa Kamo Taira no Mitsumoto.

    He was born in 1826 in the Mito region with the childhood name Genta, and Mito was a place where the Sonnou Joui ideals were extremely prevalent; "revere the Emperor, expel the Foreigners", which incubated his xenophobic ideals and tendencies later on in his life.

    In 1860, when he was 34, he became part of a xenophobic extremist group infamously known as Tenguto, a faction known for their assassination of Tairo Ii Naosuke. His strength and personality allowed him to quickly join the higher ranks of the group, though he was arrested within the group when he executed a trio of rebellious youths during one of his violent episodes. This escalated to full imprisonment when the Tenguto were jailed due to a shift in political powers.

    Thinking death in a cell was assured for him, he wrote out a certain famous poem in his own blood during his time of confinement... this was not to be his fate, for he was soon freed in 1862 when political power shifted back in favour to xenophobic factions. Upon his release, he officially branded himself with the name "Serizawa Kamo".

    He was instrumental in the development of the Roushigumi, the potential "forerunner" to the Shinsengumi. It was an independent group of ronin whose duty was to protect the Shogunate and, most importantly, to protect against foreign influence. Serizawa fit right into it. However, nothing much would come of this... for as soon as they were sent out to Kyoto, they were ordered to disband and leave.

    Serizawa, in addition to Kondou Isami and seventeen other members, neglected the order and instead formed the Mibu Roushigumi based in Mibu. Serizawa shared leadership with Kondou as they became an established presence in that region.

    ... For better or for worse. Earning the ronin a reputation as the "wolves of Mibu", Serizawa's streak was ugly. Tasked with policing Osaka, Serizawa was at the center of many incidents that ended up diminishing the name of the Mibu Roushigumi. This included the destruction of a restaurant, multiple incidents of raped and/or stolen wives and an all-out fight with a group of sumo wrestlers that ended up with casualties. Serizawa was a reckless disaster that policed the province with havoc.

    When the Roushigumi were to be rebranded as the Shinsengumi, necessary changes were to be made. That is, a majority of the other people who held power in the Shinsengumi (Kondou, Hijikata, among others) decided the removal of Serizawa was the appropriate plan moving forward. After various espionage ran its course, it all came down to a fateful evening... a Shinsengumi drinking party was hosted, solely for the purpose of taking Serizawa's life. Intoxicated and lost in the language of the bed with an innocent woman, he was completely unfit to retaliate as a merciless assault befell him. It was Hijikata who had the honor of the finishing blow... a visceral stab to the heart.

    It isn't truly known how Serizawa spent his final moments and last words; some way he cursed Hijikata and the Shinsengumi all along the way his journey to the other side, some say his death was so sudden that no words could be uttered... leadership was assumed fully by Kondou Isami, and Serizawa became little more than a bad memory for the faction. Just like that, the heinous and liberal life of Serizawa Kamo concluded.
    Dialogue Examples

    • "Director of the Roushigumi... good. You are an ideal Master. Command me well, and my blade shall scatter their limbs like blossoms in the wind."
    • "I have manifested as Berserker.. what a hideous and tasteless form. Not bad."
    • "Those Shinsengumi... are not my Roushigumi. The Shinsengumi embrace foreign influence and are the instrument of my downfall. Unforgivable."
    • "Keeping to traditions is important. Veering too far from them is unforgivable. Disliking plum blossoms is also unforgivable."
    • "A wish for the Holy Grail... a return to the golden age for my country, away from those foreigners. Away from the Shinsengumi."
    • "Toshizou... Toshizou! To have the nerve to show your face! Meet me in the killing fields... then we shall see who the real demon is!"
    • "That young lass... you are Okita Souji? You are fair-faced, yes, but it is still unforgivable... regrettable, but unforgivable."
    • "Where is Kondou? You are hiding him, are you not?! Bring him out! His scent lingers... I must... kill!"
    • "A world without foreigners and Shinsengumi... where we can all revel violently to our heart's content under the Emperor's reign. How does it sound, Master?"
    • "There are even children here? Hooo... perhaps my drawing hand is functional enough..."


    Noble Phantasms
    Isan Mibu Roushigumi
    Howl of the Imperial Wolf
    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Unit
    The sublimation of the xenophobia and corruption resting within Serizawa's heart. On the day of his assassination, he cursed the distant world for tarnishing his beloved country... on that day, he cursed for what the Shinsengumi had become. What was formerly his, and only his, Roushigumi. In contrast to that of other Shinsengumi Heroic Spirits, a tattered and bloody haori is adorned. Serizawa's twisted vision of the Mibu Roushigumi, arbitrators of Imperial Japan, becomes a realization. To expel foreign influence, to subjugate the weak, to cause chaos in the name of order. The freedom to commit any and all heinous acts as if they were just. Such contradictions are the very fibre of Serizawa's being. A constantly active Noble Phantasm when he is in the Berserker-class, his parameters are increased and his form disfigures into that of a lycanthrope (due to the reputation he garnered for the faction as the "wolves of Mibu"). A hate-fuelled drive to purge everything in sight takes over when engaging in battle. Against Shinsengumi Heroic Spirits, parameters are increased further and his rampage becomes ceaseless. This Noble Phantasm can be said to stand as the "symbolic evil" that Serizawa embodies... a dire wolf of Mibu that mercilessly sowed dissent and discord for the sake of his cause.



    Bingo Mihara no Okakime Maasai
    As The Plum Blossoms Scatter, the Fragrance Remains
    Rank: D-
    Type: Anti-Unit Sword Technique
    A brutal sword technique, named after his own sword. It is derived from the anecdote detailing his brutal execution of three rebellious youths during his time in the extremist faction Tengutou. In a fit of rage, he somehow attained something akin to "graceful brutality". In one fell swoop, all three heads of those youths were severed from their bodies and the field became stained in gore. In practice, it is a broad slash of the blade that occurs in a momentous flash that cannot be perceived by the untrained eye. Its maximum number of targets is three, and it is a sure-kill technique. However, it can be easily avoided due to the stance he must adopt to do so. Its rank has been lowered due to the bad reputation the act gave him, resulting in his imprisonment. It has the hidden bonus of being unavoidable against unarmed, surrendered foes. It is unusable while Madness Enhancement is in effect.


    Commentary

    • He qualifies for Avenger due to the collective grudge he has against the Shinsengumi and foreign policy, the source of his madness. However, Berserker is his strongest class; his capacity as Avenger is low.
    • Despite qualifying for the Archer class, he refuses to his firearms of any kind due to seeing them as a symbol of foreign corruption. Cannons are okay, however. Especially for harassing local vendors.
    • He is a purveyor of woman, both youthful and voluptuous. He recalls a fair maiden prodigy being among those who arrived to slay him, that was not the one he slept with... she was Shinsengumi, that was a problem, though he wouldn't mind spending a single night with her on his lap...
    • His sword, despite having a name, didn't really have any special traits aside from being ideal for the koryuu he practiced. Hence, he garishly named an equally heinous technique after it. He is not a tactful sort.
    • His favourite food is umeboshi onigiri. His favourite drink is plum wine. His favourite flower is the plum blossom. See a theme?
    • There was a story of a woman he raped and claimed as his own, and she willingly followed him... she was named after a plum. Even though he eventually killed her out of boredom and cast her corpse into a river, to this very day it is the one act of brutality he truly regrets... aah, Umeko...
    • Plums. He was raised in a land where plums are quite prevalent.
    • His hatred is kind of a weird basis. Even though he was heavily pro-Imperial, it was the Emperor that eventually welcomed in the foreign influences... well, it did end up as a parliamentary governed nation, so maybe he just ignores that fact.
    • I'm not entirely sure how accurate the "Wolves of Mibu" thing is. But, it was a cool theme to follow for a Berserker... so I rolled with it and then some.
    • His natural enemies are Oda Nobunaga, Kondou Isami and Toshizou Hijikata. His natural allies are... wait, huh. Why is this list empty?
    • Popular with kids. Until he enters battle. Gets long well with young serial killers.

    Last edited by Uralmash; June 21st, 2018 at 11:43 AM.

    "The Tsar lives... forever."

  12. #1072

  13. #1073
    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    6,275
    JP Friend Code
    616288630 tell/pm/whatev
    Blog Entries
    7
    What hour I can begin voting?

  14. #1074
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    32
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    15,583
    Blog Entries
    1
    Let's say noon UTC

    (Time right now is 4 AM in UTC, so in eight hours)
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  15. #1075
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    974
    Blog Entries
    2
    So, is it time to vote?

  16. #1076
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    32
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    15,583
    Blog Entries
    1
    yes

    - - - Updated - - -

    Voting will end at 12PM UTC on June 29th
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  17. #1077
    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    6,275
    JP Friend Code
    616288630 tell/pm/whatev
    Blog Entries
    7
    Once again, the level of freedom Sunny's prompt give birth so many great Sheets and I feel like I missed a lot of thing to says on Explorer Contest. Therefore...

    Initializing special OS: Subjectivity and Objectivity on 50% power, Posting sheet offline, bad cruel joke offline, critical mode online; System all clear. Activating observerative analytical system. No hard feeling are encouraged to the subjects.

    comments

    JetKinen's Caster of Exile:

    Character:
    A strong start, this time around, JetKinen's sheet successfully deliver 'sacrifical good ruler' character just like King Arthur before Pedro, leveling the competition. Just like Saber and Kiritsugu, his main sell as a character (for me) is more about how the reader can feel what he must go through and what makes him the person he was today more than engaging and quirky personality. Which honestly, has been quite sparse and dearly missed in the raise of on-crack and goofy FGO character.

    Skill:
    Very straight forward, but imo that is better than overloaded with thoughless original Skills. Uncrowned in The Underworld is the main gimmick here, and it ties very well with his 1st NP and his excilement story.

    Pugillo del Terra:
    Symbolism on full force here. It ties Pedro II's legend and real life possession cleverly into something very interesting. The whole premise of JetKinen's Pedro is the exciled ruler who love his country until the end of his life, but unable set foot to the said country again even once. And this NP carry that premise nicely.

    Sempre O Brasil:
    Terraforming the environment into his Brazil, it rapidly changes shape remniscent of his love on Brazilian scientific progress. Really befit our usual last resort trump card and quite ties with his legend. But honestly I feel like you overselling his sand thing on him a little bit, I like Pugillo more because how clever it is on wielding his excilement legend.

    Overall it is a great sheet considering his lack of mysterious achievement and not stupidly fall into the usual "patriotic NP of the most famous president."


    IRUN's Georg Brandes:

    Character:
    A critique, that's very unusual. His character as a honest man that barrage people with his harsh critique dyed on his abilities instead of dumped on personality section, which is clever and reduce unnecessary excessive words.

    Skill:
    Very straight forward, but I don't found any Mystic Eyes related ability from his description. Probably taking an artistic liberty on his analytical mind into a TMverse special powah here, but it would be nice to know where exactly it comes from.

    NP:
    The NP tied very well with his deeds as the one that revolutionizes literature and criticism over romanticism. Kinda remind me with your Lamia, but much more specific. His ability sounds like 'not very Assassin-y' on the surface, but it actually makes sense, he assassinates old romantic views.

    For a character that I barely know about, IRUN successfully introduce me to this man without self restrain on his mouth. Which, as I said earlier in the start of the contest, an important factor for me to like something that I don't know about. Good work.


    Gyrowins's Dr. Robert Liston

    Character:
    The sheet doesn't really tell much about his character besides his achievement and obsession toward saving people because he found it challenging. I don't really understand why he sees the surrounding into some freaky flesh world. I know it because ME and 'challenge' but why it does that doesn't really explained and translated very well (for me). It is interesting and cool concept, but it lack the presentation.

    Skill and NP:
    His Skills are very straight forward considering his status as a scalpel Berserker doctor. I don't really find the justification of getting an NP because someone give it to you on a whim in the Throne of Heroes. NP is supposed to be a crystalized deeds, the most famous thing a person had done in their life, something associated with them or what shapes them into the famous person they are. IMHO as a guy with a lot of achievement, I belief he can get a proper NP, considering he got an entire quote about his fantastical scalpel technique which I think you can easily make the same NP effect without resorting on this.

    Invisible Air is bad, imho.

    Skull's Rider of The Abyss

    Character:
    Frankly, I don't really feel much about his character. The wordy sentence is make it hard to read (something that people also had said about my past Sheets). He is a gentle and free man, pragmatic and survival to the fittest type guy. He sounds like a fun guy as a character in a story at least, but as a technical Sheet it somewhat fail to deliver his character.

    Skill:
    All of them are canon Skill, in my case this is not in any way a negative thing. Those came from his achievement and act, therefore, justified.

    NP:
    The Nautilus is really straight forward, a ship loaded with futuristic firepower, imho it would be great if you try to make it distinct. I suppose its 'Anti Fortress or go home' is the one that set it apart from other ships. The cannon NP also suffer the same problem as it basically beamu with drawback. I says Nautilus can be interesting if you try to twist things more instead of just translating what it is into TM format.


    Royd's Caster of Vaudeville

    Character and Skill:
    I know jack squat about Houdini beside he is some kind of a god in TV Tropes. Joke aside, the idea of trickster showman type Caster had not done yet in canonical TM (besides Prelati and maybe ST. Germain) which is great, but the lack of Lore section hurt the sheet quite a lot. idk where all of this Skill came from, why she got these good stuff? Of course, there is arguement that I can research it by myself, google exist. But, even canonical Servants has story dedicated for them to understood their character and legend. If you don't like Lore section, maybe try to incorporate the important bits and scatter them on her Skills and other things you decide to include.

    Lore is very important, for me.

    NP:
    At least got a little insight about her history here: she has this escapist mentality and hate boner on supernatural things, probably magecraft. But again, what is this mentality? Where this I can run away from Atlantic Ocean came from? The lack of understanding of this figure make me very detached to give her a proper judgement. The 1st NP is basically the ultimate escape of the escape artist, which is supposed to be ties to her legend/who she is. The 2nd NP sounds cool and devastating, but again. Your Crab Samurai works because he has no real backstory, unlike proper Servant such as this.

    Perhaps, I should consider to judge a sheet as it is like OC Mages. But considering Servants are real life myth/people, a slight reference is very important and what makes them fun to read for me.

    pinetree's Crystal Palace Berserker

    I have a major on Geology and I somehow never heard of this guy.
    Random Lecturer: Spartacus-san stop sleeping in my Macro-paleontology class!

    Joke aside, this is a prime example of presentation makes the huge difference on a Sheet.

    Character:
    The first paragraph gives a kick on how his character would be: a screaming caveman. Immediately followed by the Lore section explaining why he is pathetic. Then, Mad Enhancement came in, exploring more on his angrish persona.

    A first class presentation. Great work.

    Skill:
    Very straight forward and quite fit with his character.

    NP:
    At first, I falsely thought this NP as Dinosaurs Heteroi. But, on further inspection, summoning them is just the the surface of it. The idea that he continues to perfecting them is a narrative goldmine just like my newly favorite Servant, Avicebron.

    But there is something that somehow I find lacking, perhaps because he already established as ignorant and petty, but he actually can listen to people if he tries hard enough. Since you already go out of your way to cement that he can listen to the truth eventually with enough evidence and his Single-Mindedness, so, it mostly just my personal taste.

    Sometimes I quite annoyed when a Sheet makes me look back and forth searching why they have X and Y, this doesn't have any of that because again, presentation. Overall, I love him, definitely one of my top 3 in term of character.

    I wonder how he interact with IRUN's Brandes. 10/10 would watch GudaGuda style interaction with these two.

    Shiki-pon's Duke of Wellington

    Military leaders are my favorite, yet also my source of dislike. Wrestling with ideas to make a distinct, unique and interesting NP out of them is something that highly valued by me. But sometimes easily people can go with the most obvious and boring choice on them. This Sheet is something that capture my feeling of the two.

    Character:
    Very straight forward, but quite dye nicely with his Iron Duke moniker and defensive type Servant.

    Skill:
    His Skill is straight forward, that may come off as 'generic general skill', to other people anyway. I defend the idea that a successful Military leader, who praised by their outstanding tactics in the field of military, listed on every 'Top 100 Military Leader of all time' is necessary to have, well you know, Military Tactics.

    That being said, I do found Diplomacy is not really that engaging, considering his not so stellar track records in regard to politic. I believe there is more than this can be ripped out of Wellington.

    NP:
    My initial comment is mostly addressing the NP. Waterloo, looking at every angle, is something that Wellington must have, considering this is the reason why people love him, driving out our national hero Napoleon. The stalemate effect is clever, as it serves as a nice contrast to Napoleon, who is known as an aggressive and invading commander. It cleverness had not done yet, the title of him as an Iron Duke, someone with an immovable heart of steel, is again tied very well with the stalemate effect.

    Now come to my dislike, that is army summons. The idea of Ionian Heteroi is that, they were bonded so much they appear fighting alongside him. Other army stuff such as Athanatoi 10.000, Ivan's, Leonidas's and Fuuma's NP has a whole dedicated legend that described them to justify summoning them. In my opinion, Wellington doesn't have any of that, as far as I can tell, he doesn't have any specific legendary army. IMO since it is a pseudo-RM anyway, I would just make he able to control artillery and stuff remotely without summoning soldiers, regardless they were weak or not and you would get the same effect.

    All in all, it is one of my favorite sheet overall.

    Saron's Wild West Kariya


    I think this is supposed to be very serious, but I like it because how ridiculous the mental image of shooting worms from gun is. The image he may constantly cough up worms from tubercolosis is funny too. Though, the main sell of this type of Pseudo Servant is exploring back familiar characters, which imho, doesn't translate very well solely as a Sheet.

    Leaving my dark humour aside, it is a very straight forward sheet with a fun NP.

    34's Alexander SUBARASHI Graham Bell

    Character and Skill:
    The best part of this is, it tells so much there is nothing to criticize at.

    NP:
    We have yet gotten a voice with internet connection type Servant, so this is also fresh. Again, it tells the mechanic of how the NP works and I personally find it nice.

    Honestly there is nothing to critique at, it is solid on technical level. If there is something to criticize is, which apply a lot with my past sheets too, is somehow make the sentences not overly long/break them to few sentence so they reads easier.


    NMR-3's Ada Lovelace

    Character
    The personality section is IMHO, the best of this sheet. Despite it is very standard, but perhaps the choice of words just make me like her as a person.

    Ada Lovelace is someone that I imagine having romcom with Babbage, I'm more than happy that someone tries to make a Servant out of her and her lovely personality is still in line with what GO Mats tell us about her. Good work.

    Skill and NP:
    Ties well with Ada's history: she loves math, she is physically weak, she has a big roll in Analytical Engine.

    But when the Entity kicks in, I start getting confused. Not because I dislike Foreigner, but the sheet doesn't really tell much what the hell Entity is besides he is a super AI with the power of computer god. The sheet doesn't really tell how Ada and Entity bonded or contacted with each other, nor does it provides from what Legend/Literature/Urban Legend/any thing in real life about it so everything about it feels detached. I was under an impression that Entity is that asshole AI from "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream," but they have different name and character. Or is he just the Analytical Engine gaining sentience?

    The idea of non-Lovecraftian Foreigner is fresh and interesting in itself. Since TM deliberately says Foreigner need to having contact with an Outer God (currently anyway), I do feel it needs the explanation and information necessary to accept it. Though it gives me quite the fun inspiration of Analytical Engine may go rogue and tries to take over Victorian England.


    Fabuzer's Wong Fei Hung

    Kungfu-Master Wong Fei Hung~, as a kid I love that song. As a Sheet, I love how many level of technicality in its NP.

    Skill and NP:
    How do I say it, pretty good at the technical level, as you tell us how they work mechanically in a very detailed manner. It feels more like some kind of a Sheet that you submit for an RP more than our usual CaS Sheet, that's not a bad thing, just different. It pretty in line with Li Shuwen so there is nothing wrong with that.

    Lore:
    Personally, 'condensed biography' type of Lore section is not my thing. It makes the Lore very excessively long and some part of it doesn't really have anything to do with the Sheet. It is great if you try to world build your own Fate world I guess, as it basically hypes that Devil Eye Leung person.

    Character:
    In contrast, with Lore, your Personality section is very descriptive. It tells a lot of things clearly, from the basic personality such as he is a sink or swim type mentor guy, he has this mental states, unto how he will react toward various situations he will be thrown in. Again, something that probably helps a lot in an RP. Good job!

    Not like I have much experience on RPing in BL but that besides the point.


    Emilia Plater

    Skill:
    Determination Against Oppression: On the plus side, it fits her character. On the other hand, aren't the effect basically Unyielding Will? I also think its weird that she got this Skill but Spartacus didn't.

    NP:
    Barrages of THEMES, full auto.

    The idea of the last NP is passing the torch, which fits very well with her legend and epithet. Someone who is inspired by and called as the reincarnation of Jeanne, and in her death, inspire her people back in the very same way. Good shit.

    Character:
    For the first time, I thought it was weird for her personality to be a cold woman. But upon reading your notes, you successfully convey me that she is just an awkward nerd that can't stop talking about Jeanne just like 21st-century nerd and their waifu/favorite character.

    You put a lot of works and research, and passionately describe them how it means to you. You reminds me my favorite GO artist, I-IV. Which really hits my soft side.



    I can't promise I will comment the other half, but they all very good too.

    votes
    1 pt: shiki-pon's Duke of Wellington
    2 pts: JetKinen's Pedro II
    3 pts: pinetree's Crystal Palace Berserker

  18. #1078
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,082
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    Royd's Caster of Vaudeville

    Character and Skill:
    I know jack squat about Houdini beside he is some kind of a god in TV Tropes. Joke aside, the idea of trickster showman type Caster had not done yet in canonical TM (besides Prelati and maybe ST. Germain) which is great, but the lack of Lore section hurt the sheet quite a lot. idk where all of this Skill came from, why she got these good stuff? Of course, there is arguement that I can research it by myself, google exist. But, even canonical Servants has story dedicated for them to understood their character and legend. If you don't like Lore section, maybe try to incorporate the important bits and scatter them on her Skills and other things you decide to include.

    Lore is very important, for me.

    NP:
    At least got a little insight about her history here: she has this escapist mentality and hate boner on supernatural things, probably magecraft. But again, what is this mentality? Where this I can run away from Atlantic Ocean came from? The lack of understanding of this figure make me very detached to give her a proper judgement. The 1st NP is basically the ultimate escape of the escape artist, which is supposed to be ties to her legend/who she is. The 2nd NP sounds cool and devastating, but again. Your Crab Samurai works because he has no real backstory, unlike proper Servant such as this.

    Perhaps, I should consider to judge a sheet as it is like OC Mages. But considering Servants are real life myth/people, a slight reference is very important and what makes them fun to read for me.
    Thanks for the feedback but, not to be rude, have you really never heard about Houdini before? He's like the most famous escape artist of all time, so I didn't think I needed a huge history section to introduce him.

  19. #1079
    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    6,275
    JP Friend Code
    616288630 tell/pm/whatev
    Blog Entries
    7
    I have heard of him (.)

    I don't really interested in escape artist or magician in real life (Fate/fiction version may be different tho). So it mostly just knowing the names and that's it.

    ---

    I mean, people in the world know who Napoleon is. But the detail behind him? "We dunno, that one French guy ravages Europe back then?"
    Last edited by Spartacus; June 22nd, 2018 at 11:56 AM.

  20. #1080
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,082
    Blog Entries
    1
    As for my own votes, whew. So many amazing entries this time around it was a real challenge picking my favorites.

    3 points: Manuela Blanco Romasanta. The concept of one person divided into two identities is so creative and your execution of it was spine-chillingly creepy. Despite them being a pair of unrepentant psychotic killers, you managed to sell the relationship between Manuel and Manuela as actually sort of heartwarming and endearing, which is an impressive feat for sure.

    2 points: Ada Lovelace. I was torn between this and Daneel's Mary Somerville. The latter sheet is probably slightly better in technical merits, but the idea of an AI as a Foreigner tickled my fancy more in the end.

    1 point: Robert Liston. As I said before; awesomely grotesque concept, badass personality and Skills and a variation of Mad Enhancement that manages to be both benign and tremendously messed up. My only critique is that his NP is a little lackluster. Personally, I would've given him the three scalpel move as a "technique" NP like Tsubame Gaeshi or No Second Strike, but I can understand the approach you went with.

    Honorary Mentions: Shinji Matou/Count Manfred, Mary Somerville, Alexander Bell, Doc Holliday, Alice Liddell, Cecil Rhodes

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •