Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[sutaa]

Help, too many sheets I want to vote for.

[AspiringShoulder]

Let me just say that this was a lot of fun: I had never really done any Servant sheets before Hou Yi before, and seeing everyone else's work + the prompt inspired me to try something new. Thanks for that. Here are my picks:

3rd place: Pretender, Guillotin

Really gets into the macabre fascination that we can have towards killing as spectacle or grotesque magic. Personally not the biggest fan of non-specific Skill or Noble Phantasm descriptions, but for a Pretender that's mitigated somewhat since it's mean to be the fraud Class.

2nd place: Archer, Silvius Brabo

Truly, the Archer Class is made up of Archers. Cool way to highlight killing a foe far beyond your own station as a form of heroism. I like how he's just bewildered he ever got there as though he didn't kill a fucking giant on his own: always got a soft spot for people struggling with impostor syndrome.

1st place: Ruler, Abel

A very sinister interpretation of Abel from the perspective of every single non-human life we've ever taken in the name of sustenance and survival. Hearing the dead animal Greek chorus scream at him and curse humanity as a false god is kind of what I wished an ideal version of Koyan would have been like, so glad to see that concept explored more. Excellent stuff.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

1 pt: Morg's Pretender [Simo Häyhä]
2 pts: Pine's Ruler Abel
3 pts: Frigix's Silvius Brabo

[Baron Magnus]

Alright. Time to finish this off. However due to the contest ending, I'll also be revisiting honorable mentions and my votes and giving more insight into what I like about them. Especially La Voisin since that is such a damn good sheet.

Francis Pegahmagabow: Not gonna lie, this was a good sheet. It gives me a constantine XI vibes and I'm here for them. I also like the small bit of commentary on politics and how awful it can tend to be. If I really had any complaints, it would be that the craft essence is a bit lackluster, though thats just in comparision to other craft essences some of which have been bangers. Overall, a good sheet.
A

Cleopatra Alter/Apāpi: I have mixed feelings on this sheet. Legitimately, the first half is honestly great stuff. I think its a bit wordy but at the very least I can see this Cleopatra existing, even if just as a terminal for the second half. Like a lot of the skills are super interesting stuff. Then the second half. Apep or i'm sorry Apāpi. I get what your going for with it, I really do, but it doesn't work. Could be just me but having Apāpi be part of the sheet brought down a lot of the good writing you did for Cleopatra. Mainly because it removes a huge amount of mystery built up. Second it's... if I can be blunt, a bit generic. As in I can see every snake god with some void connections having this set. There's nothing unique about it. Which if its the point maybe that'll change my mind. Either way, I'm not gonna call it the worst sheet because Cleopatra is genuinely good but the disappointment Apāpi brought means I can't give it high marks.
B

Sweeny Todd: This was a good read. At first I thought it was a bland, generic, bloodthirsty serial killer. However I caught it. The subtle hints... and maybe its not your intention but now I'm thinking he's not that bloodthirsty at all. I get the feeling your angle is similar to that of Salieri but unlike him lacks Self Denial and an Avenger saint graph to exist in the half state he can. Either way, its thought provoking and so I feel obligated to award it high marks. Good work.
A

Il Sistema: I didn't know Sora was in the mafia. Huh. Well thats neat. Also, great sheet. I love how you tied the skills into the overall narrative of explaining 'the System'. I also enjoy the imagery the words provoke, primarily that of Jojo's Vento Aureo and Jojolands. Yet despite the similarities, I enjoy the sheet itself. I admit to confusion about the Pretender classification but the NP, after a third read, explain it succintly and I like it. Overall, good job.
A++

Gan Ning: A sheet I have mixed feelings on. I do kind of like it as I see what you are going for and its neat but at the same time the execution isn't great. So I'll simply make a suggestion; next time scour the skills section of the wiki as your writing. Even if it tends to be inaccurate, it does at least give you an idea of what skills are about and often cites sources so you can go verify them. Subversive Activities is essentially what the second NP does and you could add flavor text to add allowing the survival of others during the prep phase of the skill. At the very least though this isn't the worst sheet in the contest by a fairly wide margin.
B

Simo Hayha the Second: Okay, this was a great meme sheet. Even if serious, its still good. Honestly. That said I will admit, and maybe this is just bias talking, I like Mare's better. That said the idea of Simo becoming something akin to Jackie via reputation from this site is a lowkey hilarious idea that... is totally something Nasuverse would do I think. Wackier things have happened.
A+

Samiel: Top work Vidi. Both with the art and the sheet. Admittedly, my vote is somewhat influenced by realizing that she's similar to Tezzie-boy. I love the image of her shooting her gun fifty times and only hitting once, or trying to do a warning shot and fatally wounding the person she's trying to intimidate. Hilarious stuff. I will admit that I do wish her NP lacked the auto-aim function of itself.... but I get it and so that desire will not affect my overall grading. Great stuff as always.
A++

Elephant's Foot:.... I may have Mare in my votes this year completely because again you deliver literal gold in a sheet. It's simply spectacular. The sheet itself is movingly tragic but you can definitely see why its a Beast Candidate... and further, it is a very sensibly made sheet. Each skill makes sense and the explanations you give are also great. I just... wow. I don't think I've seen someone produce two banger sheets in a single contest (that or my memory is failing me). Regardless, good job and enjoy the points.
A+++

Simo Hayha the Third: Rather than compare to the others, I'll focus on the sheet itself. It is well done. Despite being the same figure as Mare's and Morg's it is still doing something completely unique from the other two. Not only that but I do think the sheet is executed well enough to stand at the top on its own. I dunno if it'll get my vote (there are so many good sheets) but at the very least I can guarantee an honorable mention. Good work.
A+++

Christman: I admit, part of my enjoyment of the sheet is the first name. Its... a bit ridiculous to me. Like someone naming their kid Superman on legal documentation sort of silly. That all said, it is a well-done sheet of a fairly obscure figure... or maybe he is to me and everyone else heard of him (which happens). Either way, good job especially with explaining his history in a somewhat entertaining and concise fashion.
A

Ketch: A very unique servant. I have to admit, I never once thought of this angle for the Saber class. You delivered wonderfully. I have to applaud this sheet as genuinely good. I especially love the noble phantasm. Such a unique idea for a figure like this. I also love the characterization. A very hatable person. I genuinely dislike them despite giving this sheet high praise. Similar to Mare you've delivered two amazing sheets in the same contest.
A+++

Orestes: A good sheet. A bit on the wordy side but the story it tells is fantastic. I genuinely enjoyed it. I especially like how synergistic the sheet overall really is. Every skill flows into and empowers one another and the noble phantasm. Just... wonderful. Its a shame there are so many good sheets because otherwise this would be a shoe-in for the vote.
A++

Lycaon: Another primarily narrative sheet, eh? Yet unlike Amleth this one explains the mechanics of the skills and noble phantasms. I genuinely enjoyed this sheet. Legitimately, its so good I think I might vote for it over La Voisin. I did not expect this from an 11th hour sheet....... so yeah. As for what works not only does the narrative before the sheet give a great idea of his character, his mechanics are honestly very interesting and thought provoking. I never considered those angles for a Lycaon sheet. So kudos. This might be the best sheet in the contest, in my opinion. I dunno, I need to think on it.
A+++


There are my current comments. I said I'd do honorable mentions and vote but this last batch has me thinking.... I may reread some sheets to try to decide because honestly Lycaon legitimately impressed me and I may vote for it and Mare despite La Voisin. I dunno. I'll need to time to decide. Either way, hope the commentary was helpful at least a little.

[DracoScribe]

oh my effin gosh so many entries why
thank gosh for the deadline...
But unfortunately, that many means I'm once again doing sets of it.

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Yíng Zhèng: That intro is reminding me of something, specifically the fact that the guy had everyone turn to him in hate, but I can't put my finger on it... And no, I don't mean Angra Mainyu, I just mean the specific imagine of a huge amount of people all turning to one target. Ah, whatever, either way, it doesn't change my overall feelings for this sheet, that being pity for the poor boy. Oh, of course I'd want to stop him, but...man. A kid stuck in "enemy territory" and being blamed for everything that went wrong... Can hardly blame him. Other than that, this feels like a pretty good sheet. Nothing too glaring in my eyes, but nothing that stands out to me either, at least in tastes. I am a bit...confused? Curious? Why his NP a tree. I guess I just wanna know as someone who doesn't know that much about this figure on why it's an "evil tree" when there wasn't any foreshadowing, lore or imagery wise, to a tree.

Jeanne de Clisson: Another Salt Pillar sheet! These are always a treat and a reminder i really ought to read the rest of your sheets in cas. The way you do your prose is just...ugh. I absolutely love it to bits, and this one is no different. Everything that told her story was just captivating, but I think my favorite part was describing "revenge is a three act play". My gosh, I love that imagery, not just because it admittedly made me think of the descriptions I made for the class skills of Avenger, but because it...how do I put it? Ah yes, it's making a comparison you wouldn't expect in a sheet about sea faring woman who's dead set on killing the French monarchy, at least I certainly didn't, and making it work. First "Yearning", second "prancing" and third "satisfaction", and then add in the lion and sea monster imagery... Ugh. So good. And as frosting, her revenge is all because her husband was killed by the French monarchy. We love a woman who's going to hunt you to the ends of the world for ruining her happy life and love of her life, with the cherry on top being her being basically a pirate. I'll admit I was shocked all of that was so short, but man you managed to make it feel so satisfying to read. i really really should go read your other sheets

Silvius Brabo: So. Anyone here Fire Emblem fans? Anyone ever heard of the 3-13 Archer? Basically, there's a certain map in Radiant Dawn where NPCs are a major part of it, being "generic" allies that help you in this particular chapter. Unlike most FE games, the generic NPCs aren't so bad they crumple like paper, but not so good that they can handle it without your help. But there is one NPC, an Archer, who has a tendency to defeat way more enemies than they usually do, and while I myself didn't have that experience with that Archer, I still had the experience of one of the NPCs beating way more enemies than they should. Why am I talking about all of this? Because that is what this guy feels like to me. He feels like that fairly generic NPC who you don't expect too much from, and most of the time that is a reasonable expectation, but then every once in a while...he kicks ass. That's what this guy feels like. And honestly, I'm kinda fond of him for that. He probably won't be getting points from me, the competition is way too much, but that is by no means a demerit on him or anything. I'm sure he'd get it though. (also LMAO that tsukihime manga panel edit)

Guillotin: hello walking existential crisis that is also a showman, how do you do. may you please not murder me with how you're hitting several of my buttons. yes i know i have many buttons, that is all the more reason why you shouldn't wantonly press 'em.
Okay, I'm not as badly affected as I jokingly seem, but it is seriously good, so let's start off with that opening, shall we? Because on reread, damn, I love that it starts off with an event that doesn't have the actual figure of the sheet in it...but it is important. It's talking about the wheel execution method, a method you mention by the end of the intro to be considered a cruel means to end someone's life that should stay in the past...only to then be introduced to, at least from my perspective, the actual poster boy of "cruel execution method from ages past": the guillotine. Or rather, in this case, Guillotin, and oh my gosh, that just makes the irony of "France never again resorted to the wheel, which suddenly appeared to belong to a very distant past" all the more, well...ironic to me. Then we got his magician schtick, which seems like outta nowhere...but really it's the showmanship of "magic" tying to the fact that, yes, guillotine executions were made a spectacle of, a "show" for a captive audience to watch. It ties to his class as a Pretender, yes, but remember...it's all a show, and that includes him. Where Guillotine the man ends and where Guillotine the device begins...or if there's even a seperation at all...that's the thing about shows like this, isn't it? Which is the act and which is the nature and which is the former drawn from the latter or the latter from from the former? It's a question where any one answer feels like a "yes", just like how it ties to the imagery of making a magic show believable enough that both the "solution" and the "intention" are "yes", makes me honestly I like that, especially because he's a Pretender. But that's not the end of it, oh no. No, remember what'e his show? It's a show of death. Probably the one truth he knows is unmutable in his eyes. No matter what, death comes for you, and no matter where he goes, death will be left in his wake. Unsurprisingly, all this talk about what's real and what's not, and death and hope, especially in the context of Guillotin, makes me feel for the guy, stuck with a legacy not unlike Nobel, except without something that might counteract that memory in history. If you think about the pieces, "magician" and "Guillotin", and add them together, it sounds stupid, but with all you've done to tie the imagery with the reality and death, it makes the package well...a captivating show. Now hopefully I won't actually die from it. XP

Leukothea: It's disturbing. Thanks. I hate it. /jk Okay but for real, ugh, you don't dwell on it (and thank goodness for that), but you focused on the disturbing bits long enough that it really hits you. But I'm squeamish, so honestly I feel like it hits me harder than I want it to, because I don't really wanna deal on this sheet longer than I have to. Again, not because it's bad, I wouldn't have read the whole thing otherwise. How you combine these two figures that become another was quite the ride, and you do it well, but again...it's that same prose that makes the rest of the sheet evocative that makes that real squeamish part really haunting for me and I'd like to not read that again, thank you very much.

Abel: Am I a dumb dumb? I feel like I'm being a dumb dumb. Because atmosphere wise, this is great. That gif setting the tone, the font for some bits adding to it, and the red text bits even more so...just gives that creepy feeling of walking into a seemingly normal place, or meeting a seemingly normal person, but you notice the stuff that's off and you know it's off but all the rest of it seems fine so surely it can't be that bad, right? And yet I feel like I don't...get it? Maybe? I got that this sheet, it's focusing on the fact that, despite Cain being the first murderer, he wasn't the first killer, because that went to Abel, sweet Abel who merely killed because he thought it would be a satisfactory sacrifice, but other than that, uh...I don't know. I feel like there's more to it (I in fact thought there were still more collapses when I reached the end), especially with all those voices, but I'm just thinking I'm too dumb to figure it out. Or I need to read it more to, and I just don't feel like doing that...idk. But still, I think it's pretty good.

---

Okay, that's it for the reviews for now. Time for a reply and then I'm done for today...I'll get back to the others later.

...Why does this almost feel worse than if you just tore it apart? Random told me something similar, and I literally don't know what it is or how to fix it, so I'm just trapped in this zone of confusion. I just... don't pass the vibe check.
At least you liked the Rufus thing.

...when you put it like that, that is worse... Hmm, well, I didn't elaborate on it partially because I didn't want to take too long, but partially because I figured it was just a taste thing, but I think I'll just elaborate as best I can and hope it might be constructive.
The main thing about La Voisin's sheet is that...there wasn't any one, or more, aspects that I latched onto. I'm the type of person that, even if most of the piece is terrible, if there is just one thing about it I love, I still like it, even if I know objectively it's not all that great. Case in point: Spelror's Yinglong (first version seeing as he wants to rework her). In her case, I am biased to like her because of several reasons, including that she happens to be tied with one of my Servants, but the biggest reason really can be summed up as "dragon love story". I know that sheet is not so good, but I still like it anyway because I latched onto that and the reasons not mentioned.
La Voisin on the other hand...I can't say I like any one part of her strongly. All of it is good, as I said, but it's like...pretend if I met her in person. Since she's focused solely on poisons, and I wouldn't be asking for a reading from her, she's pretty curt and stoic, and she probably wouldn't bat an eye at my presence, so I just kinda leave her be too, not because I don't like her or anything, I just...do. Just like this sheet. I see it, it seems fine, and then I just...leave it well enough alone. I think she's the kind of character that needs interactions to make her shine, which is why the Rufus interaction stuck out. Another interaction that stuck out for me Madame de Montespan and...actually yeah, really all the interactions.
But again, to me this feels more like a taste thing than actually anything wrong, seeing as I've liked Servants with no interactions before, so I didn't want to mention any more than I did in my review. Hope that might...well, help fix La Voisin and/or sheets like hers in the future, though a part of me still doubts it will...