“……………Let’s see now…..yep. All of the class seems to be here. I know we’ve had a half year break thanks to the author being in the army, but that wouldn’t be any kind of excuse to start slacking off. You know that the tiger currently-on-vacation is going to cry if she finds out that her beloved students have become nothing but a bunch of delinquents during the time she was gone. Not only that, but Sensei is also worried. I’m sure she would ride that big bike of her father’s right up my ass if she found out. And since I have hard time enough in trying to avoid Enkidu’s “Big Mike” getting in there, I cannot risk additional attacks”, I slowly explained the current situation to the dull-looking students before me. Everyone stared at me with the expression one stares at tuna in the grocery store.

You know, the: “Aah, this again? I don’t really like it, it tastes so bland, yet I guess I just have to buy it again, just to kill the world’s tuna population a bit more”. I’m looking at you, Italians.

“Therefore, I’m going to have to have a little talk with some of you. First of all: Tohsaka-san, what’s with that outfit? I know you were in London for a while, but I’m afraid Homurahara’s school uniform does not include a robe and a wizard-hat, both black. No…..wait a minute. That place is not even in London! It’s in Scotland! Just where were you idiot during that whole time, anyways!?”

“Sensei, I was quarreling with that Edelfelt-idiot”, comes the answer from the girl in red.

“Luviagelita too!? Just how messed up is your sense of direction!?” I cry out, and point at Tohsaka Rin. “Tohsaka-san! From now on, no more trips aboard for you, unless you’ve figured out how to use GPS!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

The death-cry of Tohsaka Rin echoes across the room, and our class holds a small moment of silence for her shattered future. After all, as everyone knows, there is not a single piece of technology Tohsaka Rin can operate. It looks like her future is to be stuck on this island, forever.

“Well, moving on to the next subject at hand…” I glance over to the boy sitting next to Tohsaka. “Emiya Shirou………just what the hell have you been doing the whole vacation?”

“Sunbathing, King of Heroes.”

“Well, you certainly seemed to have had enough lotion in stock……I mean, how the HELL can you get so tanned in only half a year that’s from MIDDLE OF WINTER to early SUMMER!?” I demand to know, still unable to believe how tanned the skin of Emiya Shirou has become.

“Oh, I dunno”, Emiya Shirou answers. “It just kind of happened. I decided to try an image-change.”

“No, that’s called “character-change”, fool”, I retorted.

----------- Well, aside from the tan…

“Then what about bleaching your hair? I mean, that’s got to make the Tiger-woman cry, you know? If she knew that the person she’s supposed to be guardian of had bleached his hair all white and got a ganguro-makeover, she’d cried tears big enough to by-pass Berserker’s God Hand over twelve times”, I continued my question.

And to that, Emiya Shirou only snickers.

“Unfortunately, King of Heroes, it seems that you really haven’t gotten it yet. Although in real time, it was only a half of a year, in our world, it is what we call “Time Skip”, usual to many shounen mangas”, he said, before standing up, and pointing at me. “That’s right! During this time, I have grown, and trained my powers in order to keep the interest of readers’ in me, the true main character! In fact, I went as far as to make contract with the World for it to boost my popularity! Do you see now, King of Heroes!? When you are facing me, thanks to the World supporting me, my popularity will always be bigger than my enemy’s, regardless of who he is!!”

“Sorry, but that’s the property of that vampire-not-appearing-in-this-story.”

And so, the harsh truth once again crushes Emiya Shirou.

“And with that said”, I point back at the Faker. “Emiya Shirou! Such a bleached hair is a disgrace to our school, and thus, I cannot allow it. Therefore, if you want to continue in this school, you must dye it back to normal. In other words, go see Kurosaki-sensei in the nurse’s office. He knows more about over-Bleaching than anyone else.”

I guess that’s about wraps it up. Then, I guess it’s time for…

“And with that, it’s time for the real thing! Sorry to keep you waiting! Here it is! Teach us, Gil-sensei, Lesson 8! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!”


// Lesson 8: If you believe a flat-chest is a status symbol, there is something really wrong with you.
/// April Twelfth.
// Monday


“GAH!”

I wake up from a nightmare that is too horrible to even be mentioned. To the relief of my mind, the thing I see is the huge poster of Saber-chan plastered on the ceiling. I’ve put it there just for these kinds of occasions, so that I may see something soothing as the first thing when I open my eyes, instead of having to watch that cheap pirated copy with an obsession over hamburgers.

“Ah………just a dream, just a dream….nothing to worry about….” I murmur, as I snuggle up to my Saber-chan-hugpillow. There are still some time left before I need to leave to work, but for now, I can enjoy the softness of this bed.

--------- That reminds me. I need to hide this hugpillow before Alter comes here. She’d kill me if she found out that I actually owned such thing. It was bad enough what happened after she saw my “Saber Moe Moe Bath-towel”.

Yeah, it’d be bad if Alter happened in this room while I was using the hugpillow of Saber-chan like it was meant to be used. I mean, if she was standing there at the other end of the room, like she is now, I know it would spell out my certain doom. Just the mere thought of her eyes locking on to me while I desperately grip this pillow, like they are locking now, fills me with dread. Such a luck that instead of being here, she is right now right here.

…………….Wait.

Wait-wait-wait-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAITTT!!

Cold sweat appears on my face, as I watch the black and golden figure silently stand there. I’m feeling like a deer in the headlights of a monster-truck with a driver hell-bent on having some steak for the night. Fear freezes me in place, and I cannot do nothing more than stare at Alter, who seems to be staring back at me, with eyes cold enough to remove “dere” from “tsundere” with a single strike.

Ten seconds pass.

Then twenty.

For thirty seconds, we had done nothing but stare at each other.

….

After one whole minute, Alter simply ignored me, and moved her attention elsewhere.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

This was unbelievable. Normally, Alter would have completely decimated me by now with her Blackcalibur, along with my Saber-chan hugpillow. So why was it that instead of that, she simply paid no attention to me, and went to a large cardboard box hidden in the corner of the room, and started rummaging through its contents?

Could it be that in that box……was something so precious that Alter wanted it, without me knowing about it? I had pretended to be asleep, so could she be trying to…..steal something from my room?

In the darkness of the room, I kept my other eye slightly open so I could see how Saber started throwing stuff from inside the box to the floor, as if she was not able to find what she was looking for. She really did seem like a burglar, what with the way she handled the stuff. And now that I think about it, that junk isn’t even mine. That’s Enkidu’s. Just what could Alter hope to find in the stuff left behind by that thrice-cursed trap?

After a long search, it seemed that Alter’s efforts finally paid off. She took two, transparent things out of the box, and looked them in the moonlight coming from outside. Seemingly satisfied, she stood up, still analyzing the objects with her eyes. I too steeled my visions to its limits, trying to see what she had stolen. It was a little hard to make out when she had her back half-turned towards me, but it seemed that Lady Luck was on my side this night.

You see, Alter decided to take a one last glance at the room. And that was when I saw what the things her hands were.

!?

T-those are……but aren’t those………

Yes. Yes! YES! They are……..they are……..!!!

“PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO!!!!!!”

The moment I saw the pads Alter was holding in her hands, I turned into Night of Wallachia. The image was too much for my brain. I leaped out from my futon, charging towards Alter with all my might. Screw that she was the unfeeling, cold bitch known as Alter. She, at least, looked exactly like Saber-chan. And the mere thought of Saber stealing pads so she wouldn’t have to be ashamed of her already proud, yet slightly small, chest was……was…….

“PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO PADDO!!!”

Too much for my brain.

“Tch!” Alter’s cheeks were slightly flushed, but it still did not take away the look of pure murder on her face. During my tackle towards her, I realized that what I had made was most grave kind of mistake.

After all, the moment I charged, a certain sword had appeared on her hand.

“W-wait, I was just-“

“BLACK-----“

But, but, but, I just momentarily went mad because of the mental image! You cannot blame me for something you yourself caused, can y----

“CALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRR!!!”

The room was filled with black light. Like a comet, I shot through the window, to the cold night air, along with the attack. There, surrounded by the stars, and despite having been ravaged by the attack that should have, perhaps, killed me already, I still managed to feel victorious.

For I had managed to prove that even a person like Alter felt unsure about the size of her breasts.


// -------------------------------


“Gilgamesh-sensei. You look like a mess. Has something happened to you this morning?”

This question came with an emotionless voice from Kuzuki-sensei. I had met him in the hallway as I had been heading to my class to hold the homeroom, but had been stopped by him. This was somewhat unusual from the man of so few words as Kuzuki.

“Oh, it’s nothing…….I just learned this morning that there is no getting between woman and her pads”, I retorted with a slightly downcast voice, and wiped some blood from the wound in my forehead.

“I see. Maybe you should also take some speech-lessons I have been taking in order to live peacefully with women. After I started taking these lessons, my relationship with Caster has significantly improved”, Kuzuki told me, and to be honest, he managed to catch my interest.

“Oh? Well, had you been in my situation, facing an angry Alter, what would you have said to defuse the situation?”

“Chill out, dickwad.”

……………………..

“Please, Kuzuki-sensei. Stop taking speech-lessons from young boys being chased by robots from the future.”

I would have said more, but at that point, we were approached by the math teacher. An old man whose hair seemed to have moved from the top of his head to under his chin. In any case, this man approached Kuzuki with some clearly urgent business.

“Kuzuki-sensei? Could I trouble you for a bit? A couple of delinquents have come to our school-grounds, and are looking for a fight…”

-------- Yes. This was the kind of trouble Kuzuki Souichirou was always troubled with.

The emotionless man gave the math teacher a single nod, before glancing once more towards me.

“I’ll be back.”

And with that, he left towards the school grounds.

“……..Didn’t I tell you to stop that, Kuzuki-sensei…?” I asked from the silent corridor, and the menacing back of the machine-like man.

I could tell. This was going to be a Judgment Day for those delinquents.

Well, as much as I would have liked to witness the spectacle that was about to unfold, I still had the homeroom to attend. And so, I headed towards my class, where I knew the students would be waiting, anticipating what news their King would be bringing them this new and glorious day. And, of course, in the classroom, I would be able to see my beloved Saber-chan once more. The mere thought filled me to the brim with happiness, and in haste, I quickened my pace, almost gliding over the floor just to get to the classroom.

And, because I had been hurrying such, I almost ran into Matou Sakura and Tohsaka Rin, who seemed to be in middle of some kind of confrontation.

“Hmm? What’s the matter, Sakura? You seem somehow……lacking…..today”, Tohsaka Rin said with a smile on her face that could be only described as “evil”. Matou Sakura, on the other hand, looked like she was swallowing back tears of bitterness.

“N-Nee-san…..what might you mean by that? Of course I am not lacking in anything today. W-why would you even suggest something like that?” the purple-haired girl asked with a forced tone. The smirk on Tohsaka Rin’s face widened.

“Why? Well…..I couldn’t help but to notice that today, your presence was even more….diminished….than usual. As if one of your most endearing character traits had been removed all-together”, the red-demon cackled.

“A-and what would that character….trait…..be?”

“Hmm, you don’t know? Sakura, do I need to spell it out for you? Because from the looks of it, you’ve lost your cow udde-“

“N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

A scream echoed throughout the hallway, almost making me bleed from my ears. But I could understand from where Matou Sakura’s desperation came from. After all, even I could see it clearly. She was, right now, as flat as the tentacles that rose from the floor, all pointed dangerously towards Tohsaka Rin.

……………Wait, what?

“Nee-san! Die! Die! Die! I didn't become this flat because I wanted to…! I was forced to become one because something unknown happened to me…!” Matou Sakura screamed, launching the tentacles towards her sister.

"------- Oh. What of it?"

Tohsaka Rin doesn't feel for her at all.
------------ Not a single word of sympathy.

"Wha------------"

“Tohohohohoho~! Things like that happen! It's not like crying will change anything, and besides, being flat doesn't sound so bad. Your shoulders don’t hurt now, right? Tohohohohohoho~!" Tohsaka Rin laughs like a jackal and escapes to the staircase behind her, her sister running after her with the fury and menace of a girl who has suddenly lost her most obvious charm-point.

And so, the two, now almost equally flat sisters disappear to the lower floor of the school, other one screaming out her frustration, other one laughing her at her sudden victory.

“………………..J-just what is going on here?” I cannot help but to wonder aloud.

However, just standing there was not going to solve anything. And besides, I still had that homeroom to attend. Thus I left behind the quarreling sisters, and entered the classroom. From what I could see, all others except for the earlier mentioned Tohsaka Rin and Matou Sakura were there, and I even got a greeting from all the male students of the class. Well, that was to be expected. I was their king, after all. It is normal courtesy for the plebeians to greet their ruler with awe and respect, no?

Right?

Then why don’t I hear that greeting from the girls of the classroom?

As I look at the class, I can see that there is sort of awkward and a silent atmosphere that has fallen upon it. All the girls of the classroom look like that bitch of a goddess after Enkidu threw a piece of that bull straight in her face. In other words: Murderous. They glare at each other, and all the boys of the classroom, while covering most of themselves by half-hiding under their desks. It is such an surreal sight that I have to blink a few times, before I can admit that my Sha Nagba Imuru is not malfunctioning, and this is part of the actual reality.

“…..Ryoudo-boy? Just what is…..going on here?” I ask with a stiff voice, and immediately, the class rep appears at my sight, sweat of dread covering his forehead.

“…It appears that something bothers the female population of our school very much today, Sensei”, Ryoudo-boy answered, adjusting his glasses. “No one has been able to ascertain what it is, but at the moment, it seems like this could lead only to a Bad End.”

I glance once more at the girls of the classroom, who all seem to stare now at the two of us. At that point, I also realize that Saber-chan is missing. Wherever she is, it’s not in the classroom. Maybe that’s a sort of blessing, since I would not want to see her glare at me the same way as the other girls do. In fact, it’s a little scary. No, not just little. It’s more like they’re about to rip my fabulous self apart. And that does not happen to me, only to the Wakame-Master.

“W-what do you think we should do, Ryodo-boy?” I whisper to him, and to my surprise, the boy hesitates.

“I’m……..I’m not sure. To be honest, this is not the kind of situation I am accustomed to. As a son of the temple, the only advice I can give is to offer a pray-“

“UOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!! I can’t take this anymore! NO LONGER CAN I TOLERATE THIS! This ridiculous day has gone on long enough! And now Ryodo-kun says that we should pray for our breasts to grow back! What kind of ridiculousness is this!?”

Everyone in the room falls silent. After all, nobody could imagine that Mitsuzuri Ayako could have exploded in such a way.

But what was this about breasts? Was she really talking the truth? The strange postures and the angry glares of the girls in the room were because they had all lost their breasts? But how could that even be possibl-

Wait a minute.

Didn’t I just witness something similar? Matou Sakura had had something similar happen to her. And not only that, Alter had searched for pads this night. That could mean that she, too, had succumbed to this strange phenomenon. And if it was so…..it if it was strong enough to affect Heroic Spirits…..

THEN MY SABER-CHAN WAS IN DANGER!!!

“MITSUZURI!!!” I roared and pointed at the brown-haired girl, who was taken aback by the strength of my voice.

“W-what, Sensei?”

“Tell me! When did this start!? Is it something that just happened, or was it caused by someone!? And if the latter, can you tell me anything that could point out the culprit!?” I ask, while pulling up the original, golden pipe and a golden deerstalker hat from the Gate, and donning them.

“Err…..We all noticed it this morning, when we woke up”, Mitsuzuri explained. “I think it’s definitely caused by someone, since there is NO WAY something as ridiculous as this could happen without a reason. And if I had to point out a culprit…”

…….the culprit….!?

“….Then it would have to be Rider-san. There is no bigger pervert in Fuyuki who would do something like this. Especially when it concerns only girls.”

Umu-umu. The whole class nods in agreement.

“Ah, that’s right!” Wakame-master suddenly jumped up and pointed at me. “Rider was acting all strange yesterday, giggling to herself and muttering about: “Hoarding it all”! That must be it!”

So……Rider, huh? Judging from that S&M outfit she wears even in broad daylight, and from the horror-stories of destroying the innocence of young, naïve girls I’ve heard from Mitsuzuri, I can definitely see her behind this mysterious boob-disappearance. And thus, it falls to me to confront her, and stop this madness before it can get to my dear Saber-chan. If her boobs would disappear, I would have to……have to….have to……

ADJUST THE BREAST-SIZE OF ALL 106 SABER FIGURINES I HAVE IN M ROOM!!! UOOOOOOOOHH, A TASK LIKE THAT WOULD BE INHUMAN!!

I cannot allow this to happen. Never.

“Alright! Don’t worry, students! Your King of the Homeroom will take care of this!” I proclaimed with a loud voice. “Enkidu! Where are you? You’re coming with me on this crusade!”

Suddenly, from under the desk of Emiya Shirou, a small shadow jumped out. The red-haired boy watched in horror, as the deceptively feminine person stood up, nonchalant to the fact that now all were wondering just what he had been doing there. Enkidu walked up to me, and gave me a nod.

“I heard it all, Gil-chan. Sure, I’m in”, he said. “I assure you have a plan on how to catch someone as fast-moving as Rider?”

“Of course”, I grinned at him, before turning to look once more at the class, and especially, at the girls. “Okay. I will be going to apprehend the criminal in question right away. I’m not sure how long it’ll take, though, so in the meantime, make use of these replacements.”

I snapped my fingers, opening the portal behind me.

“GATE OF PAD-YLON!”

THOOM! THOOM! THOOM! THOOM! An array of the original, golden pads shot out, heading straight to the hands of the girls.

“LIKE WE NEED SOMETHING LIKE THESE!!!!”

The cloud of pads shot back, driving Enkidu and I out of the classroom.

// -------------------------------

Engines roared. The sheer speed was enough to cause such wind that the people at the sides of the road were thrown aside like leaves in the autumn wind. Enkidu’s wild laugh disappeared somewhere far behind as I picked up even more speed, turning around in the corner, and heading straight down the main shopping street of Miyama district. I gripped the handles of my throne tighter, and with my mind, picked up even more speed.

Yes. We had decided to use Vimana.

“Gil-chan! I didn’t remember how fast this thing was!” Enkidu laughed. “What was the top speed again??”

“Speed of thought”, I had to yell so that my voice would carry over the roaring winds. “That’s what the strange, pale guy with white hair and pale skin told me when he sold this to me.”

“Heeeh, speed of thought”, Enkidu said with a wonder in his eyes. After blinking twice, though, he looked at me with a slightly doubtful look on his face. “Wait a minute. Since we’re not there already, though, does that mean you’re a really slow thinker, Gil-chan?”

“Shut up!”

We finally got the shop we were looking for in sight. According to our information, provided by Ryodo-boy, Rider was nowadays working in a small shop here in Miyama shopping district. And that was where we would most likely find her. And, if we were in luck, we would catch her off-guard. Combined with the fact that we were on this Vimana, even that Rider should not be able to escape. She wouldn’t even know what hit her.

“There she is!” Enkidu yelled, pointing straight ahead. And indeed. There, I saw a purple-haired gorgon, unloading some packages from a car that had stopped in front of one shop. “Let’s get her, Gil-chan!”

Yes, that was the intention. Just swoop in and take her in custody. However, I think we’re going to have a problem. After all, Rider is staring at this direction. Straight at us. A blank look on her face, as if she was thinking: “Ah, those guys are coming for me”. She raises her hands, lets the box fall to the ground, and….

“PEGASUS!”

In a blinding light, a white, winged horse appears.

And that’s when I know that things are going to become problematic.

Before we can get there, Rider has already jumped on the horse, and sped away to the sky, leaving us with no other choice but to chase after her. I try to pump out all the speed out of Vimana that I can, and soon, slowly, I start seeing that we are gaining her. However, that doesn’t seem to be enough for Enkidu.

“Catch that Rider! Catch that Rider! Catch that Rider! Catch that Rider!”

---------------- What are we, Gilgamesh and Enkidu on their Flying Contraptions!?

As we soared through the sky, an ancient flying-machine chasing after a winged horse, I started realizing that we had to come up with something, or we would be playing this cat-and-mouse game for the whole evening. But how? We would have to make the Pegasus stop somehow. But how could we stop a flying, winged horse who was moving at mach speeds?

……

Wait a minute.

Even though it has wings, it’s still a horse.

And what are horse known of? I know this has a 50/50 chance to succeed, but still, it’s our only shot…

“Enkidu! Prepare yourself!” I roared, and stood up from the throne. “I’m going to use the Gate!”

“Eh, what!?”

With a flick of my fingers, I opened the gate to my treasury. And from inside, I pulled…

“The original, golden, WOODEN HORSE OF TROYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The gigantic construct was launched from the gate, and due to it’s ridiculous speed, it went flying straight past Rider and her ride, crashing to the ground far ahead of them. Enkidu was yelling at me, telling me that my aim was ridiculously inaccurate, but I shut my ears to those words. After all, I hadn’t tried to hit the Rider. I just wanted Pegasus to see that wooden horse.

If my gamble had paid off, and if Pegasus was male, then……then……!!!

“W-what!?” I could hear Rider yelling in the distance. “Pegasus, why won’t you….hy-HYAAAAAA!!”

Rider’s scream echoed in the air as Pegasus swept straight down to the wooden horse. It took one good look at it, and I could see the thought-process that happened inside those small horse brains. Something unimaginable came to our view between the legs of Pegasus, and soon enough, the damned animal had landed on top of the golden wood-horse.

And it started doing what stallions do the best.

“Huhuhu~” I chuckled, while directing Vimana down, too. “The theory is simple, dear Watson. Even I would swoop straight down, if someone threw naked Saber-chan in front of me.”

“Gil-chan, I don’t think you should be proud of that….”
………

……

…

In any case, one shot from the Heavenly Chain later, we had apprehended our criminal. And so, we confronted Rider, who was sitting in the ground, staring at us with a defiant glance.

“So, we finally meet, Boob-thief”, I snickered. “Feeling regret?”

“And for what should I feel regret for, King of Heroes?” Rider asked from me, trying to play dumb. I sighed, and shrugged.

Time to put in my ace card – the one that I learned from the hard-boiled detective shows of the late night.

“Feigning ignorance, are we? Well, we will get to you after some interrogation, I promise you”, I eyed Rider up and down, before taking something out of the Gate and handing it in front of her. “But first, I’m guessing you’re hungry, right? Here’s some original tonkatsu for you. Made out of gold, of course.”

“Who could eat thaaaaat!?”

Ace card: Failure.

“In any case, what nonsense are you spouting, King of Heroes?” Rider demanded to know. “You were saying I’m thief. If so, then what have I stolen?”

“Don’t play dumb! We all know that you stole all the boobs of the girls in Homurahara!” I proclaim the truth. Rider looks at me, eyes wide open for a moment, before…

“…………………………………………………..huh?”

She looks at me like I have gone mad.

“Boobs? Why…..why on earth would have I done something like that!?” she demands to know.

“How should I know!?” I answer. “But Wakame-master clearly told you had been acting weird lately, talking about how you had “hoarded it all”!”

“Shinji? But we haven’t seen in almost a week. Not after Sakura and I moved to the Emiya residence….” Rider looks at me with confused expression.

What? Rider and Wakame-master hadn’t seen each other in a long time? Then why had he said he had heard Rider say such thing, and act suspicious? Had he been lying, and in fact, he had stolen all those breasts for himself? I wouldn’t put it past Wakame-master, that’s for sure, but somehow, I got the idea that this was not the case this time. No, there was something more to this. Something………..something I had yet to………..

Eh? Wait a minute? Rider…..hoarding……stealing……

Wasn’t that…..?

“Enkidu……get Vimana up and running again. We’re leaving.”

Enkidu gave me a confused look.

“W-what? But we just caught our criminal. Why should we-“

“No. This is not the one who stole all those breasts”, I say, because this time, I’m sure I’m right. “I’ve figured the true target, and the one behind all these robberies of breasts.”

Yes………….the true target………

The true boob-stealer!

// -------------------------------

“Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho. We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho~”

Only a single figure was walking around in the harbor, her eyes glued to the sea and far, far beyond it. Her red jacket fluttered in the air, as did her long, wild hair. The scar on her face told of battles, and her eyes thirsted for adventure. This woman was clearly not someone ordinary, and anyone who saw her would have realized that she was better not to be associated with.

A scoundrel. A low-life.

A villain.

“Oi, oi. What is a lady like you doing out here? It’s almost as if you’re waiting for someone?”

“Hmm?” She turns around, to the voice she heard. What she sees makes her smirk. “Could be. Though I’m not sure at all of who I am waiting. Maybe you could tell me?”

“*giggle* I’m pretty sure we can help, right, Gil-chan?” the voice besides me asks. I frown.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not Gil-chan. I’m CAPTAIN GILGAMESH!!!” I proclaim, and take a pose, allowing the sun to shine on my brand new, golden pirate clothing that I just took from my Gate a while ago.

“Captain Gilgamesh, huh?” the woman with red-hair asks, stifling a bad-mannered laugh. “And what do you want from me?”

“Oh, you know”, I grin maliciously at her. “For you to return all the boobs that you’ve stolen.”

“Stolen? Me?” The pirate laughs. “Do you have any proof, Goldie?”

Proof? Proof?

She’s standing in front of me like that, and yet she requires me to show proof? This woman is either stupid or brilliant, I’m not sure which. But at this moment…..her game’s up.

“The proof is that ridiculously big chest-area of yours! How else would have you gotten something like that, if not through absorbing the boobs of others, you piratits!?!?” I yell out, pointing at her breasts. The pirate laughs.

“Good, good! What a lovely deduction, detective!” she applauded. “Looks like my gig is up then. But tell me, Goldie, just how did you intent on taking me in custody? You see me right now, don’t you? You see my breasts, right? If so, then you can probably comprehend just what kind of power they hold. Do you think that you, a single male, can resist these weapons?”

Hmh.

If I were just a single man, then maybe…….just maybe…….her words would hold true. However……………………..I’m not alone. I have someone with me. And that someone is…..

“If you plan on doing that, then I will stop you”, Enkidu simply said, and stepped forward, confronting the Piratits. The woman laughed.

“Oh, little girl! If you try to do that, I’ll take your boobs too, just like th--------NNGH!” her face twisted in pain. “What’s…..what’s this!? You……just………..just what are you!?”

“I’m not a woman, and thus, you cannot threaten me with removal of my breasts. And neither am I a man who you could simply defeat with those barbaric breasts of yours……..too bad, El Drago! I am your worst nightmare, and your natural enemy! I am First Mate Enkidu, and if you’re going to do something to Gil-chan, you’ll have to go through ME!!!!!” Enkidu yelled out, unfazed by the enemy before him.

The other Rider could not believe her eyes.

“It’s……it’s…..”

That’s right, girl. You have lost this time.

“IT’S A TRAP!!!”

Right from the mouth of a real admiral herself.

“Indeed”, I say, and point at the pirate. “Now return all the breasts you’ve stolen. Immediately. Or there will be heavy consequences.”

Rider sighed, but put her hands up in the air, as a sign of defeat. She snapped her fingers, and I felt how a blast of magical energy swept through the city.

“There. I’ve returned them. It’s your victory, Goldie”, she said, before looking at me with mixture of bitterness and excitement on her face. “But I must say, you did well in tracking me down. What made you so adamant and persistent? I thought no one would have found me out, especially when there was that other Perverider around.”

“Why? Isn’t that reason obvious?” I ask, shaking my heads. “You made the mistake of stealing breasts from the class of which’s teacher I am. THOSE BREASTS ARE UNDER MY ROYAL PROTECTION!!!”

“Gil-chan, you shouldn’t say it so proudly…..” Enkidu commented, but I just decided to ignore him.

“King…….oh, you’re that King of Teacher, Gilgamesh, huh?” Rider asked, looking a bit surprised. After I had nodded, she chuckled, and measured me up with her gaze. “Hmm…….not bad. Sure, I’ll keep in mind after this not to mess with your students. However, in exchange, I will do one other thing…..”

I raise my eyebrows.

“And what is that?”

The greedy pirate laughs.

“You’ve got a nice treasure you’ve hoarded, you know? So if I’m not allowed to do anything to your students, it still does not mean I’m gonna ignore that juicy treasury full of untold riches that you walk around with”, Rider says, challenge in her tone. “So just watch out. If I feel like it, I’m gonna rob that Gate of Babylon of yours completely empty.”

“Hmh. Well, you’re welcome to try. But if I catch you, it’s detention for you, Miss. You’ll be scribbling “I will not steal from a teacher” to the original chalk-board one thousand times”, I retort.

“That sounds good. If it’s gold, then I might as well steal that, too.”

Although I managed to solve once incident, and return the boobs of Homuraha, in return, I accidentally also piqued the interest of one villain. Judging from her eyes, I would have to keep a good care of my Gate, or else I would find it empty one day.

I know I should find it bad thing, but…………

………………… Heh.

Wasn’t it the job of a teacher to take care of students, even if they were kleptomaniac delinquents?



// ------------------------------- Lesson 8, END




The classroom is empty.

The only one left is king.

He raises his head, as if remembering something, and utters...

".........................Ah. Don't forget to watch re-runs of the older episodes, coming soon after this."