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Thread: Fate Crusadios - Real Royal War

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    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Fate Crusadios - Real Royal War

    Here in this thread i will post the storyline and Servant informations related to it.
    Fate Crusadios- - Shin Royal Zenso
    Fate Crusadios - Real Royal War

    Here are the first information :

    Location : Egypt/Jordan Region

    Sehai-senzo-system:Great Grail War

    Selected Servant-set:
    *Red:
    Saber:Saladin
    Archer:Sesostris I
    Lancer:-
    Rider:Goliath
    Caster:Morgan La fei
    Assasin:Agravain*
    Berserker:Samson

    *Black:
    Saber:Richard I
    Archer:Arjuna
    Lancer:Fion Mac Cumhail
    Rider:Boudica
    Caster:Saphadin
    Berserker:Fenris
    Assasin:-


    (--) meaning >their originally intended Master killed each other before they could be summoned. 
    *summoned by Morgan ,original intendet Master was killed by Morgan.
    for the Moment planned fights:Saladin vs Richard(three times/fights),[]Saladin,Agravain,Goliath,Sesostris vs Fion,Arjuna,Boudica,Richard,[]Saphadin vs Morgan,[]Morgan vs Goliath[],Samson v s Fenris(two fights),Samson vs Richard[],Boudica vs Goliath[],Goliath vs Fenris[],Sesostris vs Arjuna[],Arjuna vs Goliath,[]Morgan,Agravain vs Arjuna,[]Agravain vs Fenris,[]Sesostris vs Saphadin[],Saphadin vs Saladin.

    Masters:

    Fenris Master :

    Nickolas Volkov:


    here are some story spoiler fragments:

    Morgan sees Saladins fight against Richard and through his Excaliber version and that he named her Sister a Hero she develope a instinctive hatred towards him.Discussions about the Kingship like it was in Zero the Banquet of Iskander *,Arjuna recognize in Saladin a Karna like Disposition as Karna did it on Siegfried ,Goliath and Boudice notice some similarities on each other and develope a Knight-romance similar like Dhiarmuid and Arthoria ,Morgan use Agravain and tries to manipulate Saladin to Kill Richard,two "fanservice" episodes where we see in a flashback the Kurekschetra War and Karnas fight against Karna,a Duell of Archer,"fight of the Divine offsprings" Goliath vs Arjuna ,a Duell under Brothers Saphadin bs Saladin,the M(/N)ight of a Were Beast ...

    Basic plot:
    It Plays in the same world as strange fake and stay night with some slight changes like the Grailwar of Shirou has happened but he and Rin has succeded in prevet the summoning of the Angra Mainyu contaminated Grail Shirou used Avalon to save the Live of Ilya and she was able to absorb litle parts of the Mana of the Grail and received a embassy from Irrissviel Shirou/ Illya and Rin used their remaining Reiju the incarnate Saber and Rider but now to Comeback at the real Story..

    A lose Group of 7Diverent Magus and Spellcasters worked together to establish a Ritual in the atempt to summon directly the Great Grail without the danger of Summoning Angra Mainyu of the Leser Grail but they needed a great Grail war so they baited the Asociation and Holy Church by indicate that they want to summon a Beast (servant) to conquer the World.Both parties nominated seven Master to go against them.
    To Be Continued !

    !oppinions and Feedbacks are welcome !
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 5th, 2018 at 11:09 AM.
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  2. #2
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Here is the Rider Version of Goliath

    As Rider the Aspect of a Highpriest of Derketo is manifested.

    Identity: Goliath
    Heght&:284
    cm
    Weight: 175~
    kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Attribute:
    Earth,Demon
    Origin: Today Israel
    Likes: The truth behind the Things, Elephants,His Kin,to look at the Ocean.
    Dislikes: David,The Wrongness and actual state of the World,
    Talents: Hunting,His Tribes-rites,to tell fairy-tales
    Natural enemy: David,Monos

    Parameters
    Strength: A
    Endurance: B
    Agility:
    B+
    Luck: C
    Mana:
    A++
    NP: EX



    Skills
    Class skills:
    Magic Resistence:B+
    Almost only High Rituals and - Magecraft can damage him.
    Riding(Special):A
    Due to his Massive dimenion he is practical unable to mount vehicle and almost all animals but he is able to Mount phantasmal beasts and Dragons with great profience.

    Personal skills:
    Infernality:A+
    This skill represent his inhuman Origin similar also emulate it a Divinty skill B+ gants him high resistence against attacks of Divine interferences liké in his cases Curses ,Dark Arts andHoly Forces also is this skill linked with his Philistinai Infernalis Hougu.

    Battle Coninuation:A++
    The High Rank of this skill is the sublimated will to never...NEVER endure the shame of his lose of his Warriors-pride again .
    Even When his spiritual core is damaged,he suffer lethal Wounds and even if is ripped a arm of he will continue to fight until his complete destruction.

    Glory of the holy Past:C
    This skill represent his Long forgotten Grace of his Heroic deeds where he was famed as Holy savior when he slew many Beasts like a Hydra ,Dragons or the Divine Behemoth .
    Ist effect can be compared with Gilles war saint order .

    Unyielding Will:Ex
    It is a Skill that represents ones extremely firm will that never yields to any sort of agony, despair or circumstances.
    His high rank is justified by his unshatered Will ,unregarded the circumstances was ir pestilence ,Traumata or else.
    At this Rank it give a A + modifier for Battle Continuation and Bravery and also has it the same effect as Poison Resistence C and Magic Resistence C

    Bravery:A
    This is the crystalisation of ones Brave-deeds.In Goliaths case its high rank is justified by his pestilence proven mind



    Nobelphantasm
    Armor of the primeval Beast
    Nih'oshet Shir'yon
    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank: C
    Range: Self 
    Description:
    This is Goliaths well known Bronce Armor although Bronce doesnt Hearing outstanding depending on the current class it is able to reduce the taken damage at maximun 70%
    He has two weaknesses first:it doesnt protect against forehead directed attacks and its extent of the Damage reduction is depending on the current class and its blessed by Derketo due to this its also protected against Rust and the Armor funtion also as catalyst to invoke Derketos Grace at a faster pace.

    mer'kavah min ha zed kadosh
    (Chariot of the unholy Announcement)
    Drakhios Horridikhor

    Type:
    Anti-Army
    Rank: A++
    Range: Near to wide
    Maximum number of targets:
    1000
    Description:
    This is a wyfern Dragon drawn Chariot which is 8 meter long in total and is dark gold colored,spiked with blackish blades and the Wyfern are crimson colored and can be seperated from the Chariot and fight independet both wyvern can attack with their Claws,Horns and jaws. use a Dragonfire-breath qand can shot lithnig from the Thorns and claws. He can by invoke the true Name execute a Ram attack.Both wyferns are descendents from the Leviathan and one of the "Childrenns" of Derketo which possesed once a Earth Mother like Status .

    Lazarke
    Type:

    Anti-Army/Anti-Unit
    Rank: A+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:

    As Rider he has acces to the spears original Appearance ,shape and powers.It has some certain similarity in Terms of appearances to northern european spears like Gae Dearg ,his powers are the Control of storms as strong that the spear gives his wielder a Water- and Storm Mana Blast,upon revealing his true Name it forms a storm vortex around it and upon thrown at the enemy it pierced the foe and even if he dodge it he will be cut from the vortex blade like vortexes.Should be available a large water Body like a great sea or the ocean and thhrown through the Water of it or from underwater becomes the impactforce equal to Anti-Country .


    will be completed...

    char'tom shel b'makor el
    hiym
    (Bow of the originally Gods)
    Dagan

    Type:
    Anti-Settlement
    Rank: (primarilyA++) C
    Range: 1~99
    Maximum number of targets:
    1000

    Description:
    Is the divine Bow of the Philistinian-tribe and Goliath is able to Wield him because his ancestry towards Dagan and Baal himself.
    Through phlistinai infernalis he can use him but its intern capabilities are sealed only his Basic ability of shoting Arrows is untouched but through Derketos Grace or Philistinai Infernalis he can empowered /enhance the arrows furthermore.


    Blessings of the Goddes of the Seas
    Derketo Grace


    Type:
    Divine-Assistence
    Rank: Ex
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:
    Depending on the rank it has different capabilities.
    Upon pray to Derketo he can evoke Fish shaped projectils,Sea themed familiars ,healing and the Control over Water ,thanks to it he can if requested/neccesary even as Berserker walk on the Water. During his lfe Goliath was a Highpriest of Derketo and due to his praying and vow to her he got the Blessings and love from Derketo.
    As Rider Goliaths has the utmost possible capabilities of this Hougu namely he can summon various types of Familiars which can be Crustaceous like Golemss,Seabirds as Scouts and combat, partly ,Amphibianic Fishbeasts and even Dragons,he has Control over the environmental Water an d can it use like a stronger Version of Volumen Hydrygyrum ,like he can solidify (not freeze) the Water and make it stonehard ,he can walk if requested on the Water and is able to sojourn for a unlimited amount of time underwater.He can by sacrifice his Chariot Hougu (or under certain circumstances if it be destroyd) summon a bunrei of the Divine Dragonbeast Leviathan but due to that the Leviathan is basically a Animalistic Deity it dont will be summoned his/it "whole" 1,5 km it will be summoned a 50~ meter "Version".



    Derketo:Goliath.....my Dear now that you was granted a second Chance use her ....let us shinne our glory again...use my powers and childrenn to get a triumphfull victory...fufu~



    Sin´ah min ha ne'elam el
    ֹhiym

    (Hatred of the vanished Gods)

    Philistinai Infernalis

    Type:
    Anti-Holy
    Rank: B-
    Range: ?
    Maximum number of targets:
    ?
    Description:
    This is the sublimated contract and support of the through the Christian World executed Creatures especially the Demons or to be more exact the Deities that lost their Might and Existence as Gods and Goddesses that lot their physical Existence as Deities during the Age of Gods and was forced to become dependet on the Humans to reincarnated into "Creatures" that are now called Demons.
    Based on the current Rank its either merely a Parameter boster or a highly Potent powervault.In his Rider class he can use a very limited amount of the heretic Magecraft and true Magic of it grants.

    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 6th, 2018 at 05:53 PM.
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  3. #3
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Nickolas Volkov
    Master of Fenris

    Apearance:
    He is a Man of strong build ,he has brownish hair and dark brown eyes he wears a short sleeved jacket ,travel shoes and tactical pants.
    Personality:
    He is a strict man but is also often funny tempered.He is a honest self concious charackter
    Background:
    He was born in Norway ,later he moved to Russia and founder of a animal-park ,he is the descentend of a Nordih hero who lost his Name today.
    Abbilities:
    He is as experienced Wildman a survival expert .he is proficient at weaponless fight. He wield a Sword that is passed in his family from the Nordish Hero.

    Magecraft:
    As he discovered ancient ruins with runes he learned Rune and Celtic Magecraft by himself.
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 7th, 2018 at 09:16 AM.
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  4. #4
    Designated Reptile Draconic's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    First of all, is there supposed to be a story here? If you’re just making servant profiles, there’s a thread for that, and if your intention actually is to tell a story, why aren’t you telling it instead of just writing meaningless background exposition? I don’t care that Goliath is a certain person’s Servant since I don’t even know who that person is. Bottom line: get to the point already and actually write the first paragraph in the narrative. Incidentally, Goliath isn’t this gentle giant your painting him as. He was in the army and was practically kept on a leash so that he wouldn’t go and kill everything in sight. and painting a murderous villain from a culture that still exists in such a positive light without giving any reason behind it isn’t really good for a story, not to mention it could offend Jewish people like me because he liked to kill Israelites. He’s not Asterios. The culture that vilified him still exists, and even if it didn’t, there really isn’t much room for interpretation. Goliath has spoken dialogue and makes it pretty clear that he’s looking to kill and humiliate his opponents.

    His home is Canaan, not Israel. I’m assuming you mean “What is now modern day Israel,” but there is a name for that place. Do your research. And incidentally, the first kingdom of Israel didn’t arise for centuries either.
    That isn’t his Origin either. In the Nasuverse, a person’s Origin is an entire concept that I don’t feel like getting into right now.

    Telling the reader everything about your characters up front before you even start telling the story leaves the character dull and boring. It’s more interesting to learn about the character through their actions, or through background info that comes up organically within the narrative.

    Also, “Watching the Things”? That may be my biggest problem on this page beyond all the errors. What ‘things’ are you even talking about?



    Overall, your spelling and grammar both need serious work. You don’t even seem to have your tenses down. Unless you just didn’t proofread, which would be a problem in its own right, you need a lot of practice before your work even looks presentable.

    Alternatively, if English isn’t your native language, you might do better writing your story in the language you speak/write best with. Don’t sacrifice quality for readership.


    Also, why bother posting Nickolas Volkov if you haven’t even written his profile? That’s empty space, and since no one knows who this guy is except for you (presumably), no one will care that’s who Fenrir’s Master is.
    Last edited by Draconic; April 7th, 2018 at 01:44 AM.
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    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
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  5. #5
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Draconic View Post
    Incidentally, Goliath isn’t this gentle giant your painting him as. He was in the army and was practically kept on a leash so that he wouldn’t go and kill everything in sight. and painting a murderous villain from a culture that still exists in such a positive light without giving any reason behind it isn’t really good for a story, not to mention it could offend Jewish people like me because he liked to kill Israelites. He’s not Asterios. The culture that vilified him still exists, and even if it didn’t, there really isn’t much room for interpretation. Goliath has spoken dialogue and makes it pretty clear that he’s looking to kill and humiliate his opponents.
    A surprising amount of people have made Goliath as a gentle giant (even me...). I did try to justify it though with his legend being slandered after death and the only people he showed aggression to were Israelites in particular, and (as a Jewish person myself) I don't think you exactly need to be anti-Semitic to be hostile to the rival tribe that's conquering your land and killing your people.

    Sorry if I ended up writing something offensive anyway.

  6. #6
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    A surprising amount of people have made Goliath as a gentle giant (even me...). I did try to justify it though with his legend being slandered after death and the only people he showed aggression to were Israelites in particular, and (as a Jewish person myself) I don't think you exactly need to be anti-Semitic to be hostile to the rival tribe that's conquering your land and killing your people.

    Sorry if I ended up writing something offensive anyway.
    My Explanation for the Gentle Goiath was that he was once a famed Hero but through the betrayal of his former allies he and his Clan waged revenge and due to their aggressive gooten behavior and their overaveraged Size he was demonized and as he faced David he was weakened through many differend hindrances psychical aswell as physical was he a shadow of his prime and was enraged to defend his kin until his last Moment.

    and thanks for the Statement Draconic !
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 7th, 2018 at 03:06 PM.
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  7. #7
    Designated Reptile Draconic's Avatar
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    You’re welcome. Also, I apologize for coming across as condescending, as I suspect was the case. If you’re going to write this though, you should start writing the story, and leave these things for later.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    A surprising amount of people have made Goliath as a gentle giant (even me...). I did try to justify it though with his legend being slandered after death and the only people he showed aggression to were Israelites in particular, and (as a Jewish person myself) I don't think you exactly need to be anti-Semitic to be hostile to the rival tribe that's conquering your land and killing your people.

    Sorry if I ended up writing something offensive anyway.
    No, no, you make a fair point.
    Last edited by Draconic; April 7th, 2018 at 04:03 PM.
    Likes attention, shiny objects, and... a ball of yarn?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    That makes me think of Rin as a loan shark.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Admittedly, she'd probably be the hottest loan shark you'll ever meet. She'd probably make you smile as she sucked you dry.


    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Techlet View Post
    Not with that attitude.

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