Chisana Risu
Location Unknown - Time Unknown
It repeats.
"I can't do it."
It repeats.
"It's too much.
It repeats.
"I should just give up."
The cycle repeats.
The voices of my friends are impossible to ignore. They burst past every barrier I put up, blowing right through me. In this world I'm only an observer; I can't so much as move a single leaf in these nightmares, only bear witness to their completion and repetition.
I am the Traveller. I pass through places of suffering and entertain those who are unfortunate.
"It's not fair."
This is the unfairness of the world. The most simple, cruel, and real thing there is.
You can't always get what you want.
"I can't fight anymore. My body won't move..."
Shinozaki Tobei curses the world that took away what he treasured most.
He didn't do anything wrong. He just tried his hardest in the best way possible. He trained every day. He pushed himself to the limit. He walked on the path that led to his future with a determined stride that would oppose any headwind.
I don't understand his dream, but I can admire it. He wanted to improve himself.
So how could you do that, world? How could you look at all of his effort and scoff at it like that? Can't you see how hard he tries? Doesn't he deserve something?
"No matter how many times I try, I can't win..."
But this world is Shinozaki Tobei's darkness, where determination is injury.
The fear that hard work won't be enough. That a single life, devoted solely to accomplishing one thing, with all the strength of a man's indomitable will behind it...
...can't do anything at all.
"I'm always too late."
Soga Rikuto wants to do good. It's a little selfish to want to take credit for it, but nobody can fault a cause that noble. He wants make the world a better place, both for him and everyone else, with his own two hands.
"Fortune hates me."
Something outside of his control tramples over that dream. It's not even a failure that can be blamed on his shortcomings as a person; he was simple unlucky.
How can you fight against something like that? When all of your effort is brushed aside by mere chance, like leaves in the wind? Isn't it unfair?
"No matter how fast I run, I'm never on time..."
But this world is Soga Rikuto's darkness, where determination brings pain.
The fear that you are a decaying, drowning rat constantly being pushed down by others with unfair advantages. That fate itself is against you...
...and you have no way to resist it.
"I can't reach anyone."
Chisana Risu speaks. She performs. She wants to make people smile. She pulls animals out of hats and makes things disappear. She wants to make the world a happier place.
"I'm nothing."
The world spits at her dream.
How can you make people happy, it asks, if you don't know a single person? You, who pretends to worry about others while treating everyone the same? The stories you tell are for yourself and no one else.
"They're not listening."
You were the only one listening. You blabbered on, using the rest of the world as the receptacle for your lies. Convincing yourself that you were altruistic instead of self-serving, seeking validation through those more miserable than you.
But shouldn't it not matter? Those words of hope are meant for everyone to share. A great person can be inspired by the smallest, most pathetic thing. So can't insincere wishes also be treasured by someone, somewhere?
"No matter what I say, I can't move anyone..."
But these worlds are Chisana Risu's darkness, where determination only prolongs torture.
An eternity of silence, where her words won't ever reach someone. Drifting from one nightmare to the next, unable to change a thing...
...an eternal Traveller.
"So..."
"So..."
"So..."
"Maybe I should just give up."
...
...
...
...
"Don't give up!"
I yell it without thinking.
As Shinozaki Tobei kneels in a silent stadium. As Soga Rikuto sits in a jail cell. As millions of others are in the depths of despair.
I call out, even though nobody is listening.
"Keep fighting!"
I scream my lungs out, knowing it's wrong. Telling Shinozaki Tobei to fight on will only make his inevitable defeat more painful. Placing hopes on Soga Rikuto will depress him even more when he lets himself down. Urging on those who are doomed to lose isn't a kindness; it's cruelty. It merely adds to the regrets they'll have to bear.
Determination is pain, harm, and torture.
Instead, I should tell them to give up.
Give up, and accept defeat.
Give up, and be satisfied with the effort you made.
Give up, and sleep, and dream of nicer things.
It's about the journey and not the destination, right? Even if you didn't make it, can't you be happy that you tried? Isn't that my philosophy?
I should be putting on a show for the defeated. A relaxing dirge to send them off at the end of their stories.
Or perhaps a conciliatory letter, urging them to accept reality while offering support and warm wishes.
Not this desperate screeching.
If Tobei-kun had stopped fighting then, he would still have the body he was proud of.
If Rikuto-san had kept his mouth shut, he would still be free to invent something else.
If I hadn't bet on the people trapped inside Odin's darkness, I wouldn't be suffering here.
"It's not over!"
So... why can't I help but deny it?
My voice is gone. I'm an observer. A ghost that can't reach anyone. Without words and without magic, this yelling accomplishes nothing.
It's just selfishness. A promise that doesn't mean anything anymore. This is the ignorance I chained myself to, that has only led to suffering.
These words are useless to begin with. I never helped others. I made them forget their problems for an instant, then left before their temporary smiles faded. This is worth nothing. What use are a few words of encouragement from a stranger? Chisana Risu's value is lower than a loaf of bread.
Telling someone to keep fighting doesn't help them. Even if they heard, nothing good could come of it.
"..."
Words that can't be heard, and won't dispel doubt.
"Don't doubt yourself!"
Words that will burden the listener, and do nothing against fear.
"Don't be afraid!"
Words that have no power, and won't help anyone advance.
"Don't stop moving forward!"
Rejecting that unfairness, I cheer on.
If one will isn't enough to challenge the world and save a million, then let it save a thousand. If not a thousand, then a hundred. If not a hundred, then let it brighten up one day, one moment.
Even the weakest person in the world, if they put their all into it, can make someone smile just once.
"YOU CAN DO IT!"
That's the hopeful principle I live by.