Create-a-Servant

[Crying]

You could just... give him Item Creation as a personal skill.

[ZSB1999]

yeah maybe I'll make the factory thing as another NP

[Crying]

Class: Caster
Master:
True Name: Dido, the Queen of Tragedy
Sex: Female
Height/Weight: 160cm/51kg
Alignment: True Neutral
Appearance: I suppose this will have to do.

Stats

Strength: D
Endurance: C
Agility: D
Magical Energy: B
Luck: C-
Noble Phantasm: A+

Skills

Class Skills:
Item Construction: D
The skill to manufacture magical items.

Caster has little skill in the art of crafting, but she can at least make the basic tools one would need for Magecraft.

Territory Creation: EX
The skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus.

Caster’s Territory Creation skill has been fused with her Carthage Noble Phantasm, allowing her to create a “City of the Wealthy Sea” which is superior to a “Temple”.

Personal Skills:
Battle Continuation: A+
The strength of vitality for predicaments. Also, the ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated.

At this rank it is possible to fight even with deadly injuries and to remain alive until a decisively fatal wound is struck. Caster receives a boost to this ability when she is surviving fire.

High-Speed Divine Words: B
The power to activate Thaumaturgy without the use of Magic Circuits. The language of the Age of Gods, back when words played a heavy role in spellcasting. As such, it is power long lost by modern magi.

High-Thaumaturgy-level Magecraft can be cast with a chant that is less than two verses.

Charisma: B++
The natural talent to lead others. Increases the ability of allies during group battles.

Can be said to have been the greatest type of ruler, one who was adored and deified by their people.

Noble Phantasm

Carthage, City of the Wealthy Sea: A+++ (Anti-Army)
Dido asked the king of the Berbers, Iarbas, if she could have as much ground as she could cover with an ox-hide to rest in. Upon his agreement, she proceeded to cut the ox-hide up into thin strips and form a large circle around a hill. This claimed land would become Carthage.

Carthage has been fused with Caster’s Territory Creation skill, which means that the territory claimed as hers will become a “City of the Wealthy Seas”. It has the standard effects of a “Temple”, but it also has multiple unique effects.

When within Carthage Caster will gain the following skills; Golden Rule at Rank A, Divinity at Rank C and Voyager of the Storm at Rank D. The instant Caster is no longer within Carthage she loses the skills, though they will return if she re-enters Carthage’s boundaries.

Speaking of Carthage’s boundaries, Carthage will have a near Reality Marble level Bounded Field around it. Said Bounded Field represents the ‘Seas of Carthage’, meaning that Caster’s “City of the Wealthy Seas” can be flooded with mana of the water element at any time, which will start to ‘drown’ her opponent’s own mana supplies, making it more difficult to cast.

Rogum Capitis Permittere Reginae: A++ (Suicide)
Rogum Capitis Permittere Reginae, or Pyre of the Queen, is the crystallization of the funeral pyre upon which Caster killed herself. When activated, it has three effects:

Firstly all of Caster’s skills (including class skills and the skills she gained from being within Carthage) except Battle Continuation will be sealed and will be replaced with the following; Mad Enhancements at Rank B, Honor of the Battered at Rank C and Presence Detection at Rank A.

Secondly, Caster will be set alight by a raging fire that feeds on her own mana, and thus can’t be put out by external forces. This fire, while obviously killing her in that it is physically burning her and draining her mana reserves, also protects her in that physical and magical projectiles will be burnt away before they can even touch her. Melee attacks won’t be burnt away but will still have to pass through the flame.

Thirdly, Caster gains a control over flames that goes beyond Magecraft and reaches the levels of what one would expect from a Divine Spirit’s Authority, or even a Sorcerer’s True Magic. Her dominion over fire allows her to use her own self-destructive flames to attack foes from a distance, large balls of flaming capable of travelling vast distances to reach the object of her ire.

While this Noble Phantasm could theoretically be deactivated by Caster, in her madness the chances of her doing so are almost nonexistent. Even a Command Seal by her Master probably wouldn’t be enough to force her to turn it off, though a second or even third might be...

---

I feel like I may have overwanked her terribly... oh well.

Blah blah blah constructive criticism blah blah blah.

No, seriously. Tell me how to make this better.

[RoydGolden]

Dido: Her NPs are both quite cool, and her overall sheet gives the impression of 'powerful, but balanced'. Certainly she'd be a high-level Caster in most Grail Wars, but certainly not undefeatable. I don't know enough about her historical/mythical significance to say whether that level of power justified, however.

Second NP reminds me a fair bit of Jeanne's La Pucelle, though still different enough to be unique.

[ZSB1999]

Rider

Theme

True Name- Paul Revere
Alignment- Neutral Good
Place of Origin- America
Likes- His Family, Smithing, Industrialization, Doctor Joseph Warren
Dislikes- Friends Dying, "Dirty Reds", Being Falsely Accused, Past Mistakes
Weapons- Flintlock Rifle with Bayonet, His Pocket Pistol

Faceclaim

The actual pocket pistol owned by Paul Revere

Stats-

Strength- D
Endurance- C
Agility- C
Mana- B+
Luck- B
Noble Phantasm- B

Class Skills-

Riding- B+

Most vehicles can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasm Races such as Monstrous Beasts. The speed of any mount is boosted further during 11:00 PM - 1:00 AM

Magic Resistance- D

Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.


Personal Skills-

Son of Liberty- B+

A unique skill granted to those that were members of the Sons of Liberty. This Skill grants Bravery- B, Nature of a Rebellious Spirit- C, Subversive Activities- B


Uniform Production- Innovation- B

Rider was one of the first to use Uniform Production in America, and paved the way for Standardization becoming the norm in America. Rider is able to create a Factory that can mimic the effects of the Skill Mass Production- A. All weapons made in this Factory are on the same level as if a Caster with Item Creation- C had made them. Rider's personal weapons and guns he makes in this factory deal bonus damage against those wielding Noble Phantasms that are considered to be the "Original". Rider can make weapons ranging from flintlock rifles and pistols, to artillery, and the ammo needed for such weapons.

Familiars (Minute Men)- C

Rider is able to summon multiple familiars of Minute Men. They are armed with the weapons Rider creates in his factory. They can be used in more complex ways such as setting up ambushes in certain areas. Those that are able to use Rider's artillery cost more to create than the regular rifle wielding soldiers. The number Rider can summon at once is only limited by his mana.

Expert of Many Specializations- B

This skill allows for Rider to use skills ranging from artisan crafts and medical skills, to military tactics and marksmanship. Rider was a master of many skills, even becoming a dentist at one point during his life.


Noble Phantasms-

^{Intelligence and Alarm System}
One, if by Land, and Two, if by Sea- C+

Anti-Unit

Rider has the ability to set up lanterns all over the current city he is in. Each lantern will alert Rider if a servant is within 500 meters of it and what class the servant is. These lanterns are able to be destroyed by other servants. This is a crystallization of his Intelligence and Alarm system to watch over the British army, and was used to alert the Patriots of incoming British attacks.


^{A Signal To Alarm the Country}
Midnight Ride- B

Anti-Army

Rider summons his mount and immediately all enemies without anti-mental interference are drawn to Rider and forced to attack and follow only him. This effect lasts an hour. While active Rider gains a rank up to Agility and Endurance, the damage of all of the weapons created is increased during this time. Rider can use this to lead the enemy into a trap he set up before hand, using his Minute Men. Rider's artillery created by his factory also have the bonus of increased accuracy during this time period, and are able to hit most servants dead-on dealing massive damage. However after using this Noble Phantasm, all of Rider's Familiars, and weapons created in his factory, disappear. Paul Revere's horse was never named, because of this Rider's mount is simply a servant level mount.

Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,

Lore (Poem is not entirely historically acturate)

On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-Five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.




He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower, as a signal light, --
One, if by land, and two, if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country-folk to be up and to arm."




Then he said "Good-night!" and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The Somerset, British man-of-war;
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon like a prison-bar,
And a huge black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.




Meanwhile, his friend, through alley and street
Wanders and watches with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers,
Marching down to their boats on the shore.




Then he climbed the tower of the Old North Church,
By the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry-chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the somber rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade, --
By the trembling ladder, steep and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town,
And the moonlight flowing over all.




Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead,
In their night-encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That he could hear, like a sentinel's tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, "All is well!"
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay, --
A line of black, that bends and floats
On the rising tide, like a bridge of boats.


Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere.
Now he patted his horse's side,
Now gazed on the landscape far and near,
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle-girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry-tower of the Old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely and spectral and somber and still.
And lo! as he looks, on the belfry's height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns!




A hurry of hoofs in a village street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath, from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed flying fearless and fleet:
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.




He has left the village and mounted the steep,
And beneath him, tranquil and broad and deep,
Is the Mystic, meeting the ocean tides;
And under the alders that skirt its edge,
Now soft on the sand, now loud on the ledge,
Is heard the tramp of his steed as he rides.




It was twelve by the village clock,
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer's dog,
And felt the damp of the river fog,
That rises after the sun goes down.




It was one by the village clock,
When he galloped into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, blank and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon.




It was two by the village clock,
When be came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning breeze
Blowing over the meadows brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket-ball.




You know the rest. In the books you have read,
How the British regulars fired and fled, --
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farm-yard wall,
Chasing the red-coats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.




So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm, --
A cry of defiance and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo forevermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beat of that steed,
And the midnight-message of Paul Revere.


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1860.

Personality

Rider is an extremely knowledgeable man, and both a brilliant craftsman and engineer. Rider is a loyal friend and a true family man, often being willing to give up his life should it mean saving someone he loves. Should someone kill a good friend, Rider will abandon all logic in order to avenge his fallen comrade. He is very prideful and hates to admit his own mistakes, and will become very upset should someone continuously try to bring up past errors. He knows the mind set of the people having started as a poor artisan and can easily use this to his advantage when he is trying to persuade others. This combined with his skill in business make him a formidable diplomat that knows how to get what he wants.

(I really wanted to give him Presence Detection but I had too many skills already. I'll leave the story here.

Revere's friend and compatriot Joseph Warren was killed in the Battle of Bunker Hill on June 17, 1775. Because soldiers killed in battle were often buried in mass graves without ceremony, Warren's grave was unmarked. On March 21, 1776, several days after the British army left Boston, Revere went to the battlefield and found a grave containing two bodies. After being buried for nine months, Warren's face was unrecognizable, but Revere was able to identify Warren's body because he had placed a false tooth in Warren's mouth, and recognized the wire he had used for fastening it. Warren was given a proper funeral and reburied in a marked grave.)

[Crying]

I don't really have much to say on this one.

The only thing of note is that you seem to have seem to have mixed up Librarian of Stored Knowledge and Expert of Many Specializations.

[ZSB1999]

The only thing of note is that you seem to have seem to have mixed up Librarian of Stored Knowledge and Expert of Many Specializations.

yup changing that now thanks

[NightEye]

Paul Revere looks good overall, as for presence detection you could always lump the minutemen familiars as either an additional perk of the Sons of Liberty skill or as an NP (Though I has a feeling you're trying to not have an IH clone yes?)

Athena as Heroic Spirit huh? The sheet is pretty well-done, though I'm not too sure how you'd have her appear in an actual Grail War, what with being a god and all. Could always have her sacrifice divinity in exchange for answering the call, I guess (the route I took for my Divine Spirit sheets).

Interesting you decided to go with the Aegis and gorgon shield as separate entities, rather then one and the same. Though it is true, the exact nature of the Aegis can vary wildly between legends, from a shield to an armor to even a magical cloth. Spear NP is also pretty cool.

I tried to do an Athena sheet once too, though I couldn't think of how to pull her off and ended up sticking whatever ideas of her I did like into Kekrops instead.

- - - Updated - - -

If you did have her as a Servant, I think a fascinating route to take regarding her motives would be her best friend/sparring partner Pallas. Whom she killed accidentally. Athena was so affected by her friend's death that she apparently (in one version of the myth, at least) gave herself the moniker "Pallas Athena" so Pallas would always be remembered.

Wanting to bring back her friend could easily explain why she's willing to accept the call of the Grail, as well as 'humanizing' her quite a bit. I'm not just suggesting that for the yuri subtext. (Though it is a bonus)

Yeah, split the Aegis and Gorgoneion mostly because no one in the records seems to agree what it is exactly, so I just went for the etymology of the word Aegis which was basically "goat-skin". I originally thought of giving Athena two spears, one that is her regular fighting spear called Pallas and Dios as the throwing spear but I had to nix it because I had a lot of NPs already.

As for her reasons, yeah got the general Idea of what I'm going for. Though I also planned her wanting undo what she did to Medusa and Arachne as well. I'm following I more modern interpretation that Athena gave Medusa's powers as a blessing after the latter got raped in the former's temple. As for Arachne, I'm thinking of either Athena was forced to punish her because she knew the other Olympian would treat her far worse or her pride got the better of her.


@The Bird of Hermes and Lycodrake
Thanks and I fixed all those artifacts from the old sheet. My bad.

Quick question: Are embodiments of a group allowed here? Like say a Servant a Roman Legionnaire representing the Imperial Roman Legions as a whole?

[Bird of Hermes]

Dido - She's quite powerful and very versatile. Nice job on the Noble Phantasms. The only criticism I have is that I'm not keen on charisma being B++. I'd either remove one of the modifiers or just round it up to A.

Paul Revere - Not as much to say here though I'd nerf him a little. I'd reduce innovation and familiar by one or two ranks and remove the two pluses from his second noble phantasm.

Night eye - Royd did that with the crusaders, so go ahead and do what you like.

[Crying]

Okay, so I'm thinking of making a Nimrod sheet, but I have multiple ideas on how to make him. So I'm gonna ask for opinions here. Should I:

Make him a devotee servant of the Lord, who was attached to the legend of the Tower of Babel after his death? I.E. Should I give him Innocent Monster and then base him around that?

Make him the guy who actually did decide that he/humans were equal to God/the gods and built the Tower of Babel? I.E. Should I give him stuff like the Godslayer skill?

Make him a her, because I haven't done any genderbends yet?

Make him older or younger than Gilgamesh?

[Nuclear]

True Name: Dido, the Queen of Tragedy

Using BB Code to upload images is a thing, you know.

- - - Updated - - -

Make him a her, because I haven't done any genderbends yet?

Make him a trap.

[Crying]

Using BB Code to upload images is a thing, you know.

- - - Updated - - -


Make him a trap.

About the image thing; Those aren't images they're wikipedia articles. If you were referring to the actual image link I made... yeah, I don't actually know how to do that and I haven't bothered to learn yet. Maybe next sheet...

About the 'trap'; that's also an option.

[Bird of Hermes]

Okay, so I'm thinking of making a Nimrod sheet, but I have multiple ideas on how to make him. So I'm gonna ask for opinions here. Should I:

Make him a devotee servant of the Lord, who was attached to the legend of the Tower of Babel after his death? I.E. Should I give him Innocent Monster and then base him around that?

Make him the guy who actually did decide that he/humans were equal to God/the gods and built the Tower of Babel? I.E. Should I give him stuff like the Godslayer skill?

Make him a her, because I haven't done any genderbends yet?

Make him older or younger than Gilgamesh?

Ultimately it depends on what you find more interesting. When I made Jonathan, I made him a humble servant as that what he reflected in life, personally if you take the likes of Solomon and Gilgamesh (as he could be around their level) someone who knew humans could eventually eclipse the gods would be more interesting to me.

As for the gender swap, only do it if you can work it into the original legend or add some extra depth to the character- for find a decent excuse for it like with Mordred, Arturia or Drake.

[Nuclear]

About the image thing; Those aren't images they're wikipedia articles. If you were referring to the actual image link I made... yeah, I don't actually know how to do that and I haven't bothered to learn yet. Maybe next sheet...

http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/misc.php?do=bbcode#imgcode
Why learn when the instructions are literally on the bottom of every page on this site?

[Crying]

You're right, it is very easy and there's no real reason for me not to do it (other than possibly not being able to find good faceclaims). Like I said, maybe next sheet...

[NightEye]

Class: Lancer
True Name: Dian Wei
Titles: The Coming Evil
Sex: Male
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Not really a faceclaim as this IS supposed to be him

Personality:
Lancer was known for being a loyal, prudent and responsible man. He often stood guard outside Cao Cao's tent from morning until dusk, and even at night he would sleep beside Cao's tent, and he rarely returned to his own quarters. He was also a heavy eater and drinker, eating in huge mouthfuls and drinking in long gulps. Because of his enormous appetite, several men were required to serve him whenever he sat down for meals.

Strength: B
Endurance: B
Agility: C
Mana: D
Luck: D
Noble Phantasm: A

Class Skills

Magic Resistance: C
Grants protection against magical effects.
Though magic was present in Lancer’s life, he was not known to have had a direct encounter with it.

Personal Skills

Battle Continuation: B-
The strength of vitality for predicaments. Also, the ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated.
At the battle of Wan, even after his men had fallen and Lancer himself had sustained several wounds all over his body, he continued fighting the enemy at close quarters and held them back as his lord made his escape. Just before his death, he was still glaring and swearing at the enemy. Only after confirming that Lancer was dead did his enemies dare to come forward and decapitate him.

Stalwart Protector: B
An ability that makes those who have it become more powerful as they are inflicted more pain and temporarily raises defensive power when protecting others, mental interference is negated when either state is activated. The cost used to heal injuries via Magecraft or similar methods are reduced.
Lancer took to his duties of protecting his lord very seriously. The thought of him in danger was enough to conjure a dormant strength within him to carry out his duty and being injured only seems to help bring out the ferocious beast within Lancer even more.

Dignity of the Rearguards: B
A skill that displays more power the more disadvantageous the situation (such as defensive battles and military withdrawals) is.
When his weapons broke as he fought to death covering his lord’s escape, he grabbed the bodies of two enemy soldiers and used them as weapons.

Projectile (Ji): A
The expertise for throwing projectile weapons; in this case, Ji (Halberds).
Lancer is known to have such skill with the Ji that he is able to use them as throwing weapons with remarkable accuracy.

Noble Phantasms

Banner of Elai: Acclamation of Strength: B
A banner held up by a bronze staff bearing the name of Lancer’s current Master. As long as the banner is planted on the ground, enemies within 200 meters of the banner will lose one rank to their strength, speed and endurance. This noble phantasm commemorates an event in Lancer’s life. When a large banner was swaying in the strong wind and the soldiers of the camp could not stop it from swaying despite their combined efforts. Lancer used only one hand to grab the banner pole and succeeded in keeping it upright. His lord, very impressed with Lancer's strength, declared that he was Elai, a bodyguard of King Zhou of the Shang dynasty who was known for his immense physical strength.

Defiant Stand: Glory of the Coming Evil: A
When severely wounded, Lancer will gain 3 “+” modifiers to Strength and Endurance as well as the ability to yell threats and taunts that, if his enemy is unable to shake off this mental interference, will instill a concept of fear or at least caution into them. This also allows Lancer to nullify non-ranged attacks of rank A or lower and ranged attacks of rank B or lower regardless of it being magical or physical. If Lancer dies and Banner of Elai is planted on the ground, any Servant within Banner of Elai’s area of influence will gain a 2 rank de-buff to his/her strength, agility and endurance that will last for 5 days. This Noble Phantasm commemorates Lancer’s last stand in the Battle of Wan, where he held off the soldiers of Zhang Xiu long enough for his Lord, Cao Cao, to escape.

===

This one's a bit raw from my brain, so I may have neglected balancing him correctly. As always critique and such is appreciated.

[asterism42]

No Pride of the Rearguard? I'd've thought it was the perfect skill for him.

[ZSB1999]

For Dian Wei maybe give Battle Continuation a minus that makes it so he can't retreat, other than that a good sheet. Lancer seems really powerful, but it makes sense as almost everyone from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms was crazy powerful. His skills are very powerful but his stats balance him out (Like Cu). If you wanted to you could mix Guardian Knight, Honor of the Battered, and Bravery into one skill like I did for my Three of Thirty skill. Nice job on your sheets, I only had just noticed that this was only your third servant sheet, it seems like you've been doing this forever. Far better than my first three (However I did have a puppy Noble Phantasm sooo...)

[NightEye]

No Pride of the Rearguard? I'd've thought it was the perfect skill for him.

I seriously flipped a coin between that and Bravery. Bravery won out.

For Dian Wei maybe give Battle Continuation a minus that makes it so he can't retreat, other than that a good sheet. Lancer seems really powerful, but it makes sense as almost everyone from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms was crazy powerful. His skills are very powerful but his stats balance him out (Like Cu). If you wanted to you could mix Guardian Knight, Honor of the Battered, and Bravery into one skill like I did for my Three of Thirty skill. Nice job on your sheets, I only had just noticed that this was only your third servant sheet, it seems like you've been doing this forever. Far better than my first three (However I did have a puppy Noble Phantasm sooo...)

Yeah I might just merge those 3 together, good idea, thanks. And good point on that minus on Battle continuation. As for balance, yeah Cu has always been my benchmark when doing lancers. My concept for Dian Wei is that he's an excellent defensive Servant with below average mobility due to his average agility and the Banner of Elai,

And thanks, I've been doing this since '08 here and there. (Puppy NP??? Was it an actress or something?)

[JetKinen]

I like my Dian Wei bald, but this is a fine sheet.

Though i feel like some parts of the last NP seem better fit for Zhang Fei than Dian Wei.

Also on John Revere.

What is his mount? a regular horse?