Sure, I've got some feedback for Elvis. He's certainly silly, but I like the concept. The noble phantasm is fitting, and the skills are interesting. I could be remembering wrong, but isn't there some sort of "musician" skill that he should get? I guess that's partially covered by Seductive Presence though. Beyond that, Territory Creation seems a bit high for how useless it is. That's pretty much all I've got.
Fun fact: Elvis died on this very day in the year 1977.
Wait, hold on, is that really fun at all?
Regarding a 'musician' Skill, I thought of giving him Alluring Nightingale at one point but decided an original Skill was more fitting, since it wasn't just his voice but dancing that well that made him so enthralling. Territory Creation has such a high rank because the size of the territory is equal to that of a temple, in all other ways it's greatly inferior (hence the - modifier).
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Wow. That's kind of amazingly (not to mention scarily) fitting.
Office and retail shift back to back but I'm here now so I can finally comment on peeps.
Choe: I see you're using some on the new skills shown off in the new material, good choice there. He could maybe use a second Noble Phantasm perhaps, The first one isn't bad but it's basically just Dakka Dakka Dakka.
Elvis: Your choice for the FC is damn glorious. I like how he's a caster because a bunch of conspiracy theorists say he's alive and really a wizard. The NP is unique as well so props for that. Kinda supprised he doesn't have Protection of the Music God in any variable form. Or that his Agility is so high.
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High Agility is because of dancing. A bit of a stretch but not as bad as, say, Mozart having Agility at B. Protection Of The Music God... eh, I didn't think of it at the time but overall the Skill doesn't quite seem to fit him, in my mind. And I'm glad you liked the FC.
Modern servants to me are best when their NP and skills are weird compared to what we usually get from FSN canon. Need to compensate for the lack of fame and mystery somehow.
That Elvis is amazing and makes me want to get started on the Jimi Hendrix sheet I've been thinking about making for a while. The only thing I wonder about is how he attacks. A mix of martial arts, his gun, and shooting lasers when he thrusts his hips?
In a lot of ways I was disappointed how Bedivere got shilled in Grand Order so I decided to write up my own take on him which I'd had in mind for a while. First time doing a sheet for somebody who already exists as a canon character, but I tried to differentiate him (even writing up personality myself rather then copying it off the wiki). As always, be sure to drop by with comments and criticisms! Might do Kay (Cai) next, depending on whether I can think up any fitting NPs for him.
Servant Lancer:
True Name: Bedivere
Alignment: Lawful Good
Alternate Classes: Saber, Rider
Strength- C
Agility- B+
Endurance- B
Mana- B
Luck- C
NP- B+
Equipment: A long, sleek silver lance without any special ornamentation.
Appearance:
(Other arm not included)
Personality: The handsome, one-armed knight of Arthurian mythology. Calm and courteous, with a dashing manner. He could be said to truly embody the virtues of a humble knight. Lancer is the kind of person to take matters through carefully before taking action, but at the same time he was unhesitant in enacting the will of his liege.
His loyalty to Arturia is immense. He stood steadfastedly by the King's side in her final moments, even when all other knights abandoned her and fulfilled her last wish of tossing the holy sword into the seas even as it pained his heart. Lancer holds a major inferiority complex for his role in Arturia's death, referring to himself as a failure of a knight unable even to protect his king. His wish on the Holy Grail is to undo Mordred's betrayal and the resulting battle at Camlann that led to his liege's fateful demise. In that way, he seeks 'atonement'.
Actually, his real wish is something a little deeper. Simply for his king to be able to enjoy happiness. The king, who nobly sacrificed her wellbeing for the people, surely deserves to be awarded with even a small happiness. Or at least, that is Lancer's own viewpoint. He is greatly embarassed by this wish and his knightly demeanour will surely become flustered if the matter is ever brought up.
By the way, in all his time standing by the king's side, he never once realized Arturia's true gender.
Likes: 'Arthur', Camelot
Dislikes: traitors, ignoble ends, himself (for failing to protect his liege)
Talent: one-handed spearmanship
Natural Enemy: "That traitorous knight!"
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance (B)- Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected.
Personal Skills:
Protection From Arrows (C)- An increased defense against ranged attacks by predicting the projectiles' trajectories through exceptional means, such as hearing the sound of air being cut, or sensing the killing intent of the enemy. Accompanying his nephew Culhwch on a quest, Lancer was the first to notice and intercept the poisoned spears hurled by the giant king Ysbaddaden.
Riding (B)- Ability to ride animals. At this rank, most mortal steeds can be ridden at a high degree of skill, but not Phantasmal or Divine Beasts.
Natural Body (C)- Possession of a perfect human body from birth. Lancer was gifted the title Bedwyr Bedrydant, meaning Bedivere of the Perfect Sinews, for his flawless and toned body. Grants a permanent rank-up to his Strength stat.
Last Knight (A+)- A Skill for those who stood at the end of an age of chivalry. Gains a rank-up to all parameters when facing another knight from an earlier era in combat. Possessing this Skill is both Lancer's greatest pride and, also, his most crushing regret.
Noble Phantasm:
Naoi Stailceanna- He Whose Strikes Are Worth Nine (B+, Anti-Unit): In Arthurian legend, blows from sir Bedivere's lance were said to equal those of nine lesser men. Meaning 'Nine Strikes' in Celtic, Lancer's Noble Phantasm is a crystallization of that martial accolade.
By invoking its name, Lancer's next strike with his lance will be followed by eight after-images retracing the original motion, for a total of nine consecutive attacks. Lancer can vary the timing and delivery of these 'phantom blows', insuring that they follow the initial attack so closely as to appear instantaneous or else delayed so that the additional strikes materialize as he's already initiating another attack. Combined with his great skill with his chosen weapon, this Noble Phantasm makes Lancer a truly dangerous foe to face. He can hammer at a single point in the target's offense nine times in an instant, or fill the air with slashing steel.
Also, being more a blade art then a true Noble Phantasm, it requires relatively little Mana in order to invoke, allowing him to even utilize it more then once succesively.
Last edited by RoydGolden; May 10th, 2017 at 12:06 AM.
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*Similarities between Servant and FC are entirely coincidental.
Class: Archer
STR: B
END: B
AGI: D
MGI: D
LCK: C
Class Skills
Independent Action (A): Can survive without a Master, provided Noble Phantasms are not used.
Archer spent much of his life off the battlefield as a journeyman and monster slayer, roaming
all over the southern islands of Japan.
Magic Resistance (C): Cancels spells two verses or shorter.
Personal Skills
Eternal Arms Mastery (Archery) (A): During the Heian era, use of archery in battle increased
dramatically, and Archer emerged as one of the most famous warrior archers. His mastery of
the bow allows him to make full use of his skill while under any mental interference effect
up to an equivalent rank.
Natural Body (B): Archer was said to be exceptionally tall and powerful compared to other samurai,
and that his arrows (which are sized for the archer) were oversized and his bow took five men to
draw back. His STR and END are always ranked-up.
Guardian Beasts (B): Archer can summon three unique familiars: two wolves and a crane. The wolves,
named Yokaze and Yamao, serve as hunters and flankers comparable to E-rank Servants. The crane is
a guide and a scout. These animal companions served Archer faithfully during his adventures.
Noble Phantasms
Yumibari-Tsuki~Bow of the Full Moon (B, Anti-Unit)
Archer's bow complements his fighting style, which is simple and direct. Due to his stature,
the bow is oversized and can only fire his modified arrows. Arrows shot from this bow are
more analogous to high-caliber sniper rounds than wooden shafts. Their true strength lies
in their piercing power, leaving coin-sized holes in anything that Archer aims at and not
losing any momentum until they are buried deep in the ground. Combined with Archer's
keen aim he can bring down any target with a precision strike.
Ryu-no-Hidariude~Left Arm of the Dragon (B, Support, Anti-Unit)
Archer's left arm, which was said to be four inches longer than his right, giving him a much greater
draw with his bow. Said to be blessed by the dragon gods of the storm, it gives Archer an automatic
rank-up to attacks made with his bow. By invoking the name of the storm dragon, a magic crest in
the form of a vibrant tattoo depicting stormclouds and lightning bolts appears on his arm, giving him
a rank-up to STR and giving his next shot the attribute of "lightning".
Background
"We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet
List of Servants I've made
Tametamo: Ooh, I thought of doing a profile for this guy a while ago! Remember deciding that his 'left arm longer then the right' thing should definitely be an NP but couldn't think of any way to make it interesting. With the 'blessings of the dragon god' aspect you did just that, so great job! His first NP is simple, but it certainly works.
By the way, I'd appreciate some feedback on my Bedivere. Particularly since I've never done a Servant for an existing Nasuverse character before.
Class: Ruler
Source : Historical facts
Height/Weight : 175 cm/ 60 kg
Gender: Male
Master : -
Alignment: Lawful Good
Attribute : Man
Parameter :
STR : A
END : C
AGI : B
LCK : A
MGC : E
NP : A
Appearance :
Reportedly his look was a short old man with brown skin and long beard, but he summoned in his youthful prime.
He had messy hair and brown skin. He wears a chainmail that doubled with a chest plate, it also had a dark green cape for commanders use. His weapon is high quality standard schmitar.
Class Skill :
God's Resolution
Class Skill of the Ruler class, is the privilege of the Ruler presiding over the Holy Grail War. Each Ruler is normally granted two Command Spells for each Servant that participates in the Holy Grail War.
True Name Discernment Status
Information such as one's identity, Skills and Parameters are automatically revealed when directly encountering a Servant.
Magic Resistance -
Due to his Reverse Crusade Noble Phantasm, the skill Magic Resistance has been lost.
Personal Skill :
Charisma A+
Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being. The plus modifier allow his charismatic demeanor to make his enemy idolized and respected him in the most flattering sense.
Ruler was known as a chivalrous hero, both his ally and enemy idolize him to the point making him as a model knight.
Military Tactics B
The tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized.
Ruler tactical genius that bring the Crusaders trouble materialized as a skill.
Miracle D
Miracle that makes the impossible possible. Although it has some similarities with the skill Pioneer of the Stars, it is something essentially different. There are also differences regarding the things that it can be applied. This skill will raise to indefinite rank once Reverse Crusade is activated based on the situation.
Countless feats that unable to be explained by logic, like the recapture of Jerusalem and fending off the Crusaders.
Protection of the Faith B
A Skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view. Despite being a form of divine protection, it is not a blessing from a higher existence. It is only the absoluteness of one's body and soul, which is born from faith. But if it is too high, it causes abnormalities in personality.
NOBLE PHANTASM :
Citadel : The Wind Breezing Fortress
Rank : C++
Range : -
Fortress
A bounded field Noble Phantasm that summon the Citadel. The very symbol of Ruler's absolute defense toward the Crusade. The summoned Citadel was not the same as the one in the present, rather the one that Ruler envisioned. Build under the vision of "difficult to attack", it conceptualized as a wall that unable to be harmed by any treats that considered as attacks. However it unable to defend itself against B Rank or higher Anti Fortress Noble Phantasms.
The legend also stated that it is provided crops, meat and healthy air, so anyone shouldn't worried about foods supply and intense heat.
Hamlat Salibi’at Al-Aksi (Reverse Crusade) : Holy War for The Just
Rank : A++
Range : -
Anti Unit
The crystallization of Ruler holy war against the Crusade. From the recapture of Jerusalem that has been taken for 90 years which considered impossible to fending the Crusaders without suffering any complete defeat, such feats can only be considered as miracle by ordinary men. No matter how impossible it was, as long Ruler had faith he will be able to overcome any crisis. By rolling a LUCK check, Ruler will gain Skill and Parameter boost that most suited for the present situation. If the enemy had Crusader or Evil traits, Ruler will be able to fend the enemy until the entire fight end.
Story tie-in
Bio
Last edited by Spartacus; August 17th, 2016 at 05:00 AM.
Servant Rider Merong Mahawangsa
Profile
A warrior and the first ruler of Langkasuka. The Kedah Annals claims that he is the descendant of Alexander The Great himself, though more recent legends have surfaced stating that he was a hindu prince Maran Mahavamsam.
According to legend, he travelled from kingdom to kingdom but mostly stays in Rome. One day, he was approached by a roman prince along with a small army during his stay in Goa, India to be their escort for the prince's wedding with a Chinese princess on neutral grounds in southeast Asia. After they passed the Arabian Sea, they were attacked by a divine beast called Garuda.
Garuda in his arrogance, was trying to prove he can defy fate by ruining the wedding. He is a powerful being beyond humanity yet cannot fathom the idea that God, The Almighty have wiled that both man and woman will be married. Furthermore, he wants to prove his superiority to prophet Solomon.
The first battle with the divine beast ended when Merong shot Garuda with Jentayu, a mystic bow and arrow named after the Hindu Deity. It retreated from battle, recuperating on the Island of Langkawi.
At the same time, both Rum and Chinese sides are preparing for the wedding ceremony.
The second battle occur days later after the initial ambush. This time, Garuda is successful in destroying the fleets as Merong was absent battle. Also, the divine beast kidnapped the Chinese princes (along with several servants) and holds her as his captive in his lair but begins to love her as his own daughter.
Merong after seeing the destruction of the fleets, begin to search for the prince and any survivors he could find. He vowed to never return home to Rome until he can find the prince. It is here that he set sail and reach the river mouth of Merbuk river along the coast of a country with no name and inhabited by a race of giants. The people acknowledged him as a man from the fairyland thus fit to be their king.
Thus, Merong becomes king of Langkasuka kingdom.
As for the other side of the story-
Garuda flew to prophet Solomon's court to report his accomplishment. in return, the prophet ordered the genie king Herman Shah to fetch the princess AND a Rum prince from Garuda's lair.
It is revealed that Rum prince survived the shipwreck and washed ashore on the beach of Langkawi. He was saved by the princess and has been masquerading as one of the servants. Also, both humans are pronounce married inside the lair without the divine beast noticing. To add insult to injury, they occasionally have their marital bliss/consummate their love under one of his wings.
The divine beast found himself humiliated in front of the court, admitting that he has committed a sin of ignoring the powers of God. In shame, he departs to the sea of Kalzum.
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Personality
Merong admittedly is a swashbuckling hero. He loves to sail the seas and go on adventures. It is his mass experience of sailing that prompts the roman prince's aides to help them as their escort.
In battle, This servant is armed with two different weapons. He wields both a Chinese sword and a roman gladius. Both were from the ships Garuda destroyed. However, both weapons did not earn him any fame in life therefore is forever nameless. He also is not an expert in dual-wielding but can stand on his own despite the lack of skill.
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Stats
Strength C
Agility D
Endurance C
Mana C
Luck D
Noble Phantasm A
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Class Skill
Riding A
This servant is best handling ships and sails compared to land vehicles.
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Personal Skill
Charisma C
He became the first king of Langkasuka and was elected to become a ruler by a race of giants. Unfortunately, he doesn't like to rule hence why his rank is lower. This man prefers to go sailing the seas rather than sitting on the throne.
Battle continuation A
The reason why this skill is rank A is because Merong fought Garuda head on to the point the divine beast retreat from battle.
Against ordinary humans, he fought Sunder A Goan nobleman in hand to hand combat because the servant had an illicit relationship with the nobleman's sister Yasodhara yet manage to emerge victorious.
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Noble Phantasm
Hari ini kita bertempur lagi (Today we fight once again) C [Anti-divine]
This NP is a reality marble; a sea shore located somewhere in southeast asia and also the rendezvous point for the royal wedding. This NP is best used when Merong is facing an enemy with divinity. This NP allows the summoning of Rum and chinese ships with soldiers from their respective countries. Accompanying Merong is the Rum prince and chinese princess.
Additionally, all weapons are granted an additional element: Anti-divinity. This include other masters and servants Merong designate as Allies trapped inside his realty marble. Only the designated enemy is excluded.
Jentayu A [Anti-divine]
A mystic bow and arrow named after another divine beast. This Noble phantasm is capable of taking down a divine beast but not killing it. This is based on how he fought Garuda the first time and the divine beast retreats from battle.
When fired, the arrow transforms into a shape of a bird made of fire.
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Note:
Overall, Merong feels like an average servant BUT he is best used to fight against enemies with divinity.
His reality marble doesn’t have the same number of troops compared to Alexander the Great and his bow and arrow is only enough to make a divine beast retreat from battle than actually slaying it. In RPG terms, the opponent has 1HP left after being hit with a super effective attack.
Perhaps he has a better chance against human servants with divinity. They're not airborne for starters so reach won't be an issue.
If they're fighting against Heracles, even the mooks can at least inflict 1 HP damage onto Berserker, bypassing God Hand.
As for Garuda, really I see him more of a gigantic monster bird like a roc.
I try to mix and match as best as I can. The theme hopefully doesn’t go off the rails. The legend has elements of Islam and hindu religion. Same goes for the servant's profile. I mix and match the movie and any books I can find about this guy.
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Links:
https://books.google.com.my/books?id...0shame&f=false
https://books.google.com.my/books?id...merong&f=false
Last edited by shikyo21; August 17th, 2016 at 04:34 AM.
Sounds beautiful, do it.
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Bedivere: He also held Excalibur for a bit so I'm supprised you didn't mention that in the sheet, perhaps as a secret or sealed Noble Phantasm with a unique form?
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Tametamo: I was working on a similar sheet with similar skills, similar Noble Phantams and the same FC... Are you psychic?
Mine was only half finished but yours is heck of a lot more polished in basically every way. I won't bother finishing him as he'll only cause me off as a poor rip off in comparison to yours.
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Saladin: You forgot Magic Resistance as a class skill for the Ruler but other than that it's pretty good. I like that you used the Miracle skill and that second Noble Phantasm is pretty damn strong. I'd weaken his physical stats a bit to balance it out, probably reduce Endurance to C or something.
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Merong: With his bow as his strongest Noble Phantasm, I'd make him an Archer who just happened to use swords and stuff, kinda like EMIYA. Also the very same Crimson Archer didn't have duel wielding as a skill despite it being his main method of attack, I like the creativity but I think Eye of the Mind would be better in this case with you just mentioning the swords in passing. You also forgot Magic Resistance as a skill.
Still an enjoyable sheet mind you.
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I want him to be in the same class as his ancestor. Ok I suppose I can get rid of dual-wielding.
Why does he need resistance for?
Last edited by shikyo21; August 17th, 2016 at 04:35 AM.
Haha thanks.
Magic Resistance is lost because his 2nd NP kinda like Siegfried lost his MR, seems it basically "all skill for your convenience" anyway I decided only giving skill that he had in his life.
As for parameter :
STR A = because he slain 200 man single handedly. I know the historical report is he just give them death sentence and not do it personally, in other words- artistic interpretation!
LCK A = he survived many attack from Hassan, Hassan had Zabaniya IRL.
Both END and AGI taken straight from Saber Container Stats, because there is no Ruler Container Stats. But yeah, he is too strong I'll change it.
Last edited by Spartacus; August 17th, 2016 at 04:45 AM.
Fair point about the class, as for Magic Resistance, it's a class skill so they all get it, even at a low rank. Take Iskander for example; he encountered no magic so he has a low rank at D. Same with Li Shuwen.
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Strength and Luck are certainly justified, as for MR you could mention it in passing by putting it in the class skills but giving it a '-' rank to show its sealed/lost.
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