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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #13521
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    Trojan wars? Nah, that's been done a hundred times before!

    I'm going to do something a bit more unique...

    Class:
    Ruler
    Master:
    True Name:
    Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern, the Holy Maiden of Winter
    Sex: Female
    Height/Weight: 158cm/52kg
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Appearance: Here are a few images I found of her. (1) (2) (3) She basically looks like Irisviel, or an adult Illya, in the Dress of Heaven.

    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: E
    Magical Energy: EX
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: A

    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance:
    E
    Cannot cancel spells, but magic damage is reduced somewhat.

    God’s Resolution: A++
    Three Command Seals can be used for each Servant participating in the Holy Grail War. Can re-purpose the Command Seals of others.

    True Name Discernment:
    EX
    Status information such as the identity, Skills and Parameters of all the other Servants are automatically revealed when Ruler is first summoned.

    Personal Skills:
    Alchemy:
    A
    A school of Thaumaturgy that aims at the study and manipulation of the flow of matter.

    Ruler is known as a “Master of Northern Alchemy” and uses the Einzbern style of Alchemy, which focuses mostly on the creation and use of matter.

    Wish-Granting: EX
    Spellcasting without possessing the knowledge of the spell itself; to skip the thaumaturgical process altogether and recreate miracles just through the use of magical energy. Still bound to the limitations of the Magic Circuits.

    As the core of the Holy Grail, no spells are beyond Justeaze’s power to cast, so long as she hasn't used up too much prana on previous activities.

    Divinity:
    E-
    The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster, Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due one's dislike for the gods. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called "purge defense" in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.

    Despite the Holy Grail of the Heaven’s Feel system not being the true Holy Grail, the legends saying that the cup contained the blood of Christ has gifted her with a low rank of Divinity.

    Noble Phantasm:
    Heaven’s Feel, Materialization of the Soul:
    A+++ (Anti-Reality)
    Ruler is one of the few people in history that could be considered a wielder/user of the Third Magic, even if her version of it is horribly incomplete.

    A complete version of the Third Magic can incarnate someone’s soul and allow them to realize immortality, granting them an unlimited source of magic due to the soul becoming analogous to a perpetual motion machine.

    Ruler’s incomplete version allows her to transfer someone's soul to another body/object without the soul degrading, as well as partially incarnate a Heroic Spirit as a Servant.
    Last edited by Crying; March 20th, 2016 at 03:22 AM.
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  2. #13522
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    That's actually a really interesting idea. Having the founder of the Heaven's Feel system oversee the course of the War as Ruler. I imagine instead of the "original" Justeaze it'd be a magical A.I of sorts, implanted with her soul and personality to make sure Grail Wars go according to plan. Like a debug program basically, only sapient.

    Imagine if she had been around in person to scold Zouken for how much he'd twisted her dream, instead of having to wait until the end of HF route for that.

  3. #13523
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    I mean, she existed before the time Nasu's stupid "no more Heroic Spirits were made after this point in history" rule kicks in, so it's technically possible she could become one.

    She's not really famous enough for it, but there are lots of ways to write around that. You've just got to be sufficiently Nasu-ish.

    Also, I would love to see her get summoned and then immediately start chewing Zouken out, it would be great.
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  4. #13524
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Justeaze sounds like a great servant to summon. I agree with RoydGolden's idea of an AI (that was perhaps overwritten by Angra Mainyu) that would take drastic measurements to summon (like the snowfield fake grail war). You could easily work around the no modern servants rule with that nasu-esque writing. I mean, EMIYA was a servant from the future so it works out.

    --EDIT--

    Also I added some more information on Roland as there was a misadventure with Astolfo which qualifies him for Berserker which I added in his bio.
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; March 20th, 2016 at 06:42 AM.

  5. #13525
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Say, if I were to update Diomedes' sheet, should I overwrite an old one, or make another post for it?

  6. #13526
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I'd overwrite the old one and then link back to it (like I did with my Elijah sheet).

  7. #13527
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    On the subject of updating older sheets, I'll probably overwrite my Uther and Orochi servants as they're the ones in least happy with.

    --Edit--

    I went back and gave Uther an extra Noble Phantasm as I felt he sorely needed it. Thankf to Crying for the inspiration for it!
    I'll get to Orochi later.

    --Edit--
    Here's the ink to my old Uther if anyone wants to take a look http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2237858
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; March 22nd, 2016 at 04:17 AM. Reason: Added Link

  8. #13528
    Don't @ me if your fanfic doesn't even have Shirou/Illya shipping k thnx ItsaRandomUsername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valmiki
    “Youcannot count on the physical proximity of someone you love, all thetime. A seed that sprouts at the foot of its parent tree remainsstunted until it is transplanted. Rama will be in my care, and hewill be quite well. But ultimately, he will leave me too. Every humanbeing, when the time comes, has to depart to seek his fulfillment inhis own way.”








    Class:Archer
    TrueName:Rama,
    Lord of Virtue
    Maryada Purushottama

    Alignment:LawfulGood
    Placeof Origin:India
    OriginalLifetime:700~400BC (composition of the Ramanaya)



    STR:
    A+AGI:A++


    END:AMGI:A

    LCK:BNP:EX




    ClassSkills:



    MagicResistance: A


    ResistsMagecraft of A-rank and below. In effect, Archer is completelyuntouchable to most Magi. Even if this defense is pierced, Archer hassupplementary abilities that can cancel out or annihilate magicalenergy.



    IndependentAction:A


    Canact for a week without a Master, though a source of magical energy isneeded to utilize Noble Phantasms for an extended period or to goall-out.



    PersonalSkills:



    DivineThaumaturgy:A

    Theability to invoke the powers of Divine Spirits as a form ofMagecraft. Using the power of a gem bestowed upon him by the sageAgastya, Rama can invoke the powers of Indra, Varuna, Yama and Kuberaand use their domains as Magecraft. Examples of these include thesummoning of lightning storms (Indra), typhoons and floods (Varuna),returning souls to their bodies as a form of limited resurrection(Yama) and the conjuration of protective barriers that can resistAnti-Army Noble Phantasms. (Kubera)



    UnmatchedBowman:EX

    Theultimate Archer ability, belonging solely to Archer, the greatestbowman of all eras. All feats that “break the rules of archery”that can be done by lesser Heroic Spirits, such as switching marks ordirections of the shots in mid-flight and firing from a point thatisn't the bowman itself can be easily replicated by Archer. Inaddition, much more ridiculous feats such as building bridges andshields out of arrows, shooting one thousand arrows in a single drawon one string and firing in ten directions with a single draw areeasily accomplishable by Archer.



    Clairvoyance:A+++


    Connotessuperior visual perception and dynamic occipital capture, such as tosupplement the long-range aiming of projectile weapons. At this rank,high-speed objects can be easily tracked at a range of 40 kilometers,and the virtues of all creatures, even those of inherent evil, can beseen and empathized with.



    GoldenRule:A

    Measuresone’s ability to acquire wealth. Physical and spiritual wealth canbe acquired at an extraordinary rate. The skill comes from theprotection of
    Sita
    Lakshmi
    , the wife of
    Rama
    Vishnu
    .




    NoblePhantasms:



    TheCertain Death Blade
    Brahmastra:A++

    Anti-Country


    Oneof the weapons of Brahma, a certain death weapon created for the sakeof upholding Dharma and annihilating that which already exists sothat something new can be created in its place. While there are otherHeroic Spirits capable of using this weapon, the Brahmastra willadapt to their nature such as Brahmastra Kundala and BrahmastraGandiva, this is the pure form, the weapon as Brahma intended it.


    Whenfired, there are no more takebacks, as the Astras of the Trimurti aretruly weapons that represents irreparable damage. In addition tohaving the firepower of a nuclear weapon, it leaves behind an utterlytoxic wasteland where, for thousands of years, nothing will grow, allanimals and humans will become infertile and the earth shall crackand dry out.



    CelestialBow That Brings The End of Kalpa
    Saranga:EX

    Anti-World

    Thegreatest bow, the personal weapon of Vishnu, created by the CelestialArchitect at the dawn of this universe. It is an utterly enormous,ornate bow made from wood of a deep blue color, as were it Vishnu’sown flesh and blood. As he once broke Shiva’s bow in half trying topull an arrow to it’s limit, it is the only bow that can handle hisenormous power.


    Thetrue Noble Phantasm however, is not the bow itself, but the feat ofit that Rama used to prove to Parashurama that he was truly Vishnu.Pulling the string, he aims into the distant horizon and shoots intospace. The first arrow he did so with back in Parashurama’s time isstill flying, and it is said that when it falls back to Earth, theworld shall end. As such, to activate this Noble Phantasm, Rama firesmany arrows into space, only for them to come back as deadly meteors,with so much force built up that a single one of them can flatten alarge city. Truly, a meteor shower like those at the end of days.


    Scholarsstill dread the sheer force the original arrow, out there, must havebuilt up by now.



    [FONT=Verdana]
    [/FONT
    सर्वदेवात्मको ह्येष तेजस्वी रश्मिभावनः]Adityahridayam:A

    Anti-Unit(Self)

    Adevotional hymn to Surya, the Sun God, recited to Rama by the GreatSage Agastya when Rama was wavering in fear at the thought offighting Ravana. Reinvigorated by the hymn, Rama went off to battlewithout hesitation in his heart and battled Ravana in earnest.


    Intruth, as a Noble Phantasm, it is a 31-line incantation that creates“the ideal battle conditions”, an adaptive principle that allowsfor many different utilizations. Whether the ideal condition at thetime is to restore both combatants and create a space for amano-o-mano duel with no interventions, to blot out the sun for asurprise attack during the day, or to warp the world around Rama intoa better combat arena, there are endless possibilities for this NoblePhantasm, and the only thing that stays consistent is that all ofRama’s wounds and energy are instantly restore upon its activation.



    Personality
    Thetrue “Faultless Hero” of Hinduism. A great and compassionate man,to whom piety and justice are part of his base nature. Merciful andpatient even with his greatest enemies, and while he would neverhesitate to do battle, he will always mourn those lost afterward.
    Personality


    Hewas the last “Faultless Hero” for another Yuga and a half, andonly due to the machinations of destiny made by Shiva in response toa young maiden’s cry for a perfect lover in her next life as rewardfor being with an abusive leper of a sage in this life did anotherperfect hero see the light of day. That hero was Karna, who in manyways took after Rama, even if his behavior was quitecontradictory.
    Last edited by ItsaRandomUsername; March 21st, 2016 at 09:48 PM.
    McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
    My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.



  9. #13529
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Interesting sheet, but what is with all those weird spacing issues scattered throughout? It's honestly a bit difficult in read in parts due to that.

    I'd recommend replacing Divine Thaumaturgy with High-Speed Divine Words, an already established Skill with the same concept (Magecraft received from the gods). And I'm maybe consider giving it a rank down since he's not in the Caster Class (like with Cu and his Rune Magic). Love the Unmatched Bowman Skill, which is perfect for the epically over-the-top feats common in the Fate franchise.

    His Brahmastra NP is also rather ill-described in terms of appearance. Is it is a spear? An arrow? A sword?

    Rubytext on his last NP is bonked, since you forgot to put the last closing bracket in.

    A bit trivial, but while I get he's supposed to be like a mix of Karna and Arjuna, it would be preferable to have a unique faceclaim other then just "Karna in Arjuna's clothes". Though considering the abundance of "Saber clones" across the franchise this may well be a non-issue...

    Does he really need two separate sections for Personality? Since they're both really short, I'd suggest lumping them together. (Or maybe making one into "History" instead...)

  10. #13530
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Yeee, updated him again http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...92#post1800892

    Hopefully better than previous sheets. Thanks to Bird of Hermes for inspiring this (and for pointing out he could use Berserk)

  11. #13531
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    Yeah... IRUN, you might want to do some formatting there.

    Not a bad sheet, though.

    My only complaint is the Brahmastra being only A++, but whatever.
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  12. #13532
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Rama - I like this guy. Indian servants are always OP, so they're fun to see. I'd suggest lowering Divine Thaumatergy so he could specialise in it in the Caster class or something. The NP's are good as well but the only thing I'd recommend changing is the formatting as it is a little awkward to read. I'm fine with the faceclaim as there are so many saber clones we could use some karna clones.

    Diomedes - Holy shit, you weren't lying when you said you were gonna make him OP. I'm ok with the parameters being high and the NP's are good but don't you think SEVEN skills are a bit much?

  13. #13533
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Diomedes - Holy shit, you weren't lying when you said you were gonna make him OP. I'm ok with the parameters being high and the NP's are good but don't you think SEVEN skills are a bit much?
    Maybe, but they're all skills that apply to him. The best I could do is compress Affections of the Goddess, Prana Burst (Flames) and Pure Eyes into a single skill, I think.

  14. #13534
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zork Knight View Post
    Maybe, but they're all skills that apply to him. The best I could do is compress Affections of the Goddess, Prana Burst (Flames) and Pure Eyes into a single skill, I think.
    Sounds good, EX ranked 'Champion of Athena' or something like that.

  15. #13535
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Lancer Telamonian Aias
    Ajax the Greater, Ajax the Bulwark

    Classes: Lancer, Saber, Archer, Berserker, Shielder

    STR B
    END B+
    AGI B+
    MA D
    LU D


    Faceclaim




    Class skills:
    Magic Resistance C-
    Cancel out spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft of the level of High-Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals.
    Though living in the Age of Gods, Ajax possessed no feats of resisting magical effects, even falling prey to the illusions of the goddess Athena.

    Personal Skills:
    Bravery A
    The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion or fascination. It also boosts melee damage.
    A skill Ajax shares with his contemporaries Heracles and Achilles, though at a slightly lesser level than theirs.

    Guardian Knight B
    Raise power when defending others.
    Though his kill count was indisputable, Aias was tasked with the defense rather than offense. He was the one who defended the Greek camp, and also defended the bodies of slain heroes such as Patroclus or Achilles.

    Honor of the Scarless B
    The skill of returning from battles without a single wound, obtained through a reputation forged through peerless skill.
    While not having taken a wound, Endurance, Agility or Luck are boosted by one rank, at the choosing of the Servant. On taking a wound, this bonus fades until combat is finished and the wound has been healed.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Rho Aias ~ The Seven Rings That Cover The Fiery Heavens ~ Anti-Unit A+
    A famous shield, yet it was not given a name in the Iliad itself.
    It is a magnificent shield made of seven layers of cowhide. Each single layer has the defensive power of a rampart.
    Also, the shield is emblazoned with the emblem of a hyacinth - the flower that sprouted from his blood after his suicide.

    Due to it stopping the otherwise unstoppable spear of Hector, it has gained the concept of stopping all projectiles.
    Effectively granting Ajax the skill Protection from Arrows at rank A when activated, it also has another purpose.
    If more mana is fed into Rho Aias, it starts to attract projectiles towards itself. For instance, if an arrow was fired at a weak spot in Aias' defense, it would swerve from its course to instead strike the shield.

    Drus Prorrizos ~ Ye Smitten By Thunder, Lose Your Courage ~ Anti-Unit B
    Ajax' second Noble Phantasm. It is not an object, but rather a skill based on what he had learned from his teacher Chiron, who also taught his cousin Achilles and even Heracles, the greatest hero of Greek mythology.
    On the surface, it seems a simple technique: Ajax merely hurls an object at a target with all his considerable strength.
    However, the true effect is that upon being struck, the target's weight is doubled. This effect is cumulative, meaning that if the target is hit again, his weight quadruples and so on.

    This was the way Aias beat Hector in their famous duel. To quote the Illiad:
    "Telamonian Ajax the mighty warrior picked up one of the many boulders rolling about his feet, used to prop the ships, and struck Hector on the chest below the neck, over the rim of the shield, and sent him spinning like a top from the blow. Like an oak uprooted, with a dreadful reek of sulphur, by a lightning stroke from Father Zeus, so terrifying that it unnerves the bystander, mighty Hector toppled in the dust."
    From this comes the name of the Noble Phantasm, as it means "uprooted oak".

    Appearance:
    A large, handsome man. Of an exceptional height even for the era, he was so tall he literally stood head and shoulders over the other Greek soldiers.
    He is quiet, though not shy by any means - he merely prefers action over words, which was one of the reasons for his dislike of Odysseus, who was a skilled liar.
    His not speaking much may lead some to consider him slow-witted, but in battle, he shows an aptitude for tactical thinking, while being very eloquent.

    Background:
    A Greek hero that participated in the war on the Trojans. He was a cousin of Achilles, and was said to be second only to him.
    To distinguish him from the other Ajax, he is known as "Telamonian Ajax" (for his father, Telamon), or as Ajax the Great.

    One of the men who competed for Helen's hand in marriage, he was bound by honor to join the other Achaeans in their war. On arrival, he proved himself time and again, fighting side by side with his half-brother Teucer. He himself wielded the famous shield Rho Aias and long spears, while his brother behind him shot at the Trojans, working together to amass some of the biggest body counts in the entire war.

    When his cousin had left the field to protest against Agamemnon, the duty of dueling the greatest warrior of Troy fell to Ajax.
    During this duel, Hector threw his spear, which had never failed to penetrate its target, but was blocked by Ajax' shield after piercing through to its innermost layer.
    To show their respect for one another, Ajax and Hector exchanged gifts: he gave Hector a purple sash, and received from him his sword.

    In other parts of the Iliad, Ajax defended the whole of the Greek fleet against the Trojans, leaping from ship to ship wielding his spear.
    By doing this, he held out long enough for Patroclus to appear, dressed in the armour of Achilles, which drove off the attackers.

    When Achilles had died, it was Ajax who brought his body back to the camp while Odysseus fended off the attacking Trojans. Because of this, both he and Odysseus felt entitled to the magnificent armour of the slain hero. In the end, the Greeks voted to give it to Odysseus.
    Falling into a black rage, Ajax attacked a herd of sheep in the belief they were the leaders of the Greeks. When he came back to his senses, the shame he felt led him to throw himself on the sword Hector had once given him.


    Notes:
    Y'know, I was unsure whether to make Drus Prorrizos a Noble Phantasm or just a skill. Went with making it a NP in the end because I couldn't not include that quote from the Iliad. In initial planning, he'd have had a spear Noble Phantasm called Dolichon Doru, but I couldn't decide on what it would do. I even had two possible quotes lined up, either "no will but my own shall make me retreat" or "it is better to live fully or die than it is to be stifled by lesser men" (both paraphrased from the Iliad).
    Rho Aias was canon already, so that was handy. I just made it more powerful by expanding it from "defends Ajax against arrows" to "defends everyone against arrows".
    Altogether, he's a really good stonewall because of Rho Aias, augmented by his skills. Drus Prorrizos allows him to dish it out as well and its effect debuffs his opponent.

    It was unintentional, but this'd be a Servant Rin would have some amazing compability with. He draws the fire of enemy Servants while she fires Gandrs all day. He could even throw a couple of her gems with Drus Prorrizos for a neat combo.
    Last edited by NMR-3; March 22nd, 2016 at 11:36 AM.

  16. #13536
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I thought that Aias only drew against Hector? Not too familiar with the Illiad, though.

    I'd dispute him having Bravery, on account of him admittedly having fallen prey to
    Athena's illusions
    mental interference
    in life, but then again Heracles had it even though Athena drove him mad a few times. I guess divine-tier interference is something quite a bit above the level of even a hero like Heracles.

    Drus Porrizos is neat. Reminds me a bit of Kira's weight-altering Zanpakuto from Bleach.

    Faceclaim doesn't seem to work, but it doesn't matter since you included an appearance section anyway.

  17. #13537
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    I thought that Aias only drew against Hector? Not too familiar with the Illiad, though.

    I'd dispute him having Bravery, on account of him admittedly having fallen prey to
    Athena's illusions
    mental interference
    in life, but then again Heracles had it even though Athena drove him mad a few times. I guess divine-tier interference is something quite a bit above the level of even a hero like Heracles.

    Drus Porrizos is neat. Reminds me a bit of Kira's weight-altering Zanpakuto from Bleach.

    Faceclaim doesn't seem to work, but it doesn't matter since you included an appearance section anyway.
    I forgot Gelbooru didn't allow direct linking to its images. Fixed.
    I was kind of hoping to find something that wasn't just "(stereo)typical hoplite", but didn't quite find anything that suited my needs.

    About him facing off against Hector, I used to think so too, since I'd not read that part of the Iliad yet, but I searched the thread and found this write-up by Seika. Summarized, their duel was pretty clearly in Ajax' favor.

  18. #13538
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Ajax seems pretty hardcore. I was gonna say that his physical parameters seem a bit low considering his legend and then I saw the honor of the scarless skill which works beautifully. Rho Aias is a given and it works well and Durus is a good NP as it adds a lot of flavour to him.

    I may do another servant from the Trojan war period, they're a lot of fun to do.

  19. #13539
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    To be honest, I'm not sure how you got "increases the target's weight" from "crushed by a huge boulder". I mean, Hector fell down as if he was an oak uprooted by lightning because he had been hit with a huge boulder, not because his weight was magically increased. :-P Although considering "Apocrypha" 's canon depiction of Astolfo's spear, that's not so far-fetched, so don't mind me.

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