Isn't getting butthurt over nitpicked details kind of the raison d'etre for Beast's Lair? Okay, it's usually the Nasuverse details we're nitpicking, but still and all...Originally Posted by DreamsRequiem
See? Now that's the BL I know and love.
Quotes & Stuff...No, no stuff, just quotes
I don't think anyone's gone so far as giving negative recs for something on that level, though. This thread is one of our more serious business arenas, so we're inclined to say that a -1 requires some marked difficulties.
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It's not nitpicking, Philemon was added to the fic only as a deus ex machina, which is annoying as there are other methods to introduce Shirou to the P4 cast and by extension to the SMT verse, aside that the author altering Teddie was a bit annoying, somehow the bear knows that shirou is doing the whole magic circuit thing wrong, when teddie is technically an Amnesiac shadow, who by all means should not know of that or any thaumaturgy, given that the author so far has implied that Persona =/= Magi Magic , i am giving it a -1 for miss use of elements of the SMT verse.
I digress on the whole Philemon part of He got beaten (P2 EP Ultimate Boss) vs he is being less direct than ever, i support the part of him being weakened by the whole beating, it would explain that his role was diminished by the time of P3 and P4.
Admittedly, "Philemon did it" is Persona's equivalent of "Zelretch did it" and should therefore deserve a disrec on principle.
Except for the fact that Philemon actually do things, instead of Zelretch, who just helped with the fine tunning of the grail. Philemon picks his chosen ones, at least in the first two games. In the third, as far as I know, is Nix the one who picks the MC, and in the fourth is Izanami, IIRC. So Philemon picking another MC again isn't that much of a stretch.
Spoiler:
Yeah, the problem with lolZelretch is that there's no reason for Zelretch to do it.
Philemon and Nyar actually do choose humans, so as long as the story gives a reason I don't see the issue.
Nobody chose P3's Main Character.
Persona 3
Last edited by Siriel; September 7th, 2013 at 06:24 PM.
The Zel thing can be used as a good plot device only if done well.
Like him going to parallel worlds somehow fucked something up and caused something from that dimension to leak into ours.
Example of how this could be done, Saya from Saya no Uta exists in the world due delayed effect of one of Zel's early experiments into the second. Zel eventually notices it and sends his apprentice to clean it up, saying it would be good practice for them.
That is a good way to set up a story by using Zel as a plot device, most of the time its just a lazy way to explain a crossover that, as Siriel said, there is no reason for Zel to be involved.
.most of the time its just a lazy way to explain a crossover
Except, Zelretch arguably has a reason for being in the premise.
What, Saya is some extradimentional entity. That's at least a good way to explain it compared to 'random space rift' that is actually based in nasuverse mechanics. Also it would be completely accidental and not something done 'for the trollz' like apparently most fanfiction writers envision him to be like.
The 'for the trollz' is lazy, actually making it so its use of the second fucked something up accidentally is much less lazy and can be compelling if done right. Cause then they have to write his reaction to the event, why he reacts that way, the way other people react to the reaction, etc.
On top of that he has an actual reason to be involved.
Last edited by Knick; September 7th, 2013 at 07:19 PM.
It'd make more sense if Saya came from the Prelati book.
True, it did have to go somewhere afterall.
I was just tossing out an idea of the top of my head about how using Zel as something causing the plot is not always bad. What people do normally is bad, but the actual premise behind it has merit and can be used effectively if written and explored well.
I've finished the 6 chapters of Frozen Chronicles, and after a bit of thought, I'd like to give it a -1.
To begin, I'll admit I know little to nothing about Freezing. Then again, it doesn't have much to do with the derec.
Now, the problems. I've said this part before, but the writing's choppy and not incredibly interesting. The dialogue seems artificial, and most of the humor seems forced. For example, this snippet: (WARNING: very long)
Spoiler:
Yes, that's actually what's written. It's in Chapter 6.
Another issue I have is with characterization. If you've read the snippet above, then you'll know that Zelretch is in this story as an actual character. Now, I can't really say if it's OOC because Zel never really appears in anything, but it's still incredibly annoying. There's also Flatt Escardos or something (from Strange/Fake) in this fic, and he's just as irritating. To describe him, you how when you were little, you'd try act random and say random things for the sake of being random? He's basically that, turned into a character. If he was supposed to be funny, then he failed at his purpose.
All the other characters that I actually know (Waver, Rin, and Shirou) also have wonky characterization, though I'm having more trouble putting the problems into words. I could include quotes if you want me to elaborate, but the above snippet is already a bit much for a review. And the Freezing characters aren't really worth mentioning, I can't tell them apart.
There are other problems, but I've already spent way too much time writing this.
TL;DR: Choppy writing, forced humor, annoying characterization.
Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.
I feel mildly proud for having helped cause the meme - if it could even be called that - of Surfing Zelretch to propagate, even at the expense of fanfiction.
My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
Thanks for posting that, Kirby
That passage made me wish for a sharp object to put out my eyes.
Most people feel horror at doing something bad. :P
@Kirby: That scene reminds me of that "I'M A SHARK" comedy scene from KT.
Last edited by Vigilantia; September 7th, 2013 at 11:11 PM.
'Thanks' was not my reactino after reading that.
I thought the second line made it clear my positive reactino was sarcastic.
