Corrections in red.Originally Posted by thirdfang
Edit:
Actually that underlines your real problem. You need an editor. Someone who will take out the horrible grammatical errors, the unnatural dialogue, and the STUPID GODDAMN SCOTSMAN.
Corrections in red.
Edit:
Actually that underlines your real problem. You need an editor. Someone who will take out the horrible grammatical errors, the unnatural dialogue, and the STUPID GODDAMN SCOTSMAN.
Last edited by 2Bad; December 4th, 2012 at 09:38 PM.
Library Science or some such shit... Does this mean the amusing conversation is over?
no clue. library science? like... organizing books or managing data?
Rodyle:
i haven't used Sirius in a couple of chapters, and i won't be for a while. he'll come up again much, much later for certain reasons, but at this point, if i change the way i write him now it'll mess with the general feel of his character that's already been established.
grammar wise, yes. i've made mistakes. my beta has missed them too. some people also speak in grammatically incorrect english. it happens quite frequently actually. there are obviously improvements i can make, but for the most part i don't think that my fics are bad enough to cause people to bleed from the eyes...
though if it did, it would be kinda cool.
Last edited by thirdfang; December 4th, 2012 at 09:58 PM.
No offense, but... WALL OF TEXT! MY EYEEEES!
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No offense, but... WALL OF TEXT! MY EYEEEES!
I think FFD had a lot of potential, and that you squandered it. I don't find it actively bad enough to deserve a -1, though. I'll save that for something truly awful.
Anyway, +1 to Postnuptial Disagreements, Sick Time, and Lunatique.
+1 to MIaL too, but I'll try to write some more words about it, since it could use a better summary.
fixed it. you also kinda double replied there.
For the record, your current beta is not that good. I've read his fics and well, disregarding the whole EC thing, I can see why your story has so many issues if that's where you're getting your initial feedback. I'd suggest at least putting it through multiple channels if not getting a different beta entirely.
On an unrelated note, your school integrated EE and CE into ECE too? What university did you go to? Most people I meet have to ask me what I mean when I say I have an ECE degree.
I went to WPI for my bachelors. I used to be a robotics major but I switched out cause the course load was too much. I'm going to NYU part time while working full time for my masters.
Carnegie Mellon University was a bit of an oddball back when I went there. Everyone else had separate EE and CE degrees.
1. It doesn't matter. You have already woven him so deeply into the story, so deeply that absence or change won't do anything. After all, if you spend a week with a turd tied to your head, washing a little isn't going to fix much.
2. Your beta is awful Get a new one.
3. Yes, people do not necessarily have proper grammar, that's not what I refer to when talking about unnatural dialogue. Nothing your characters say sounds like people speaking, it all sounds like puppets having creepy, stilted chatterings carried out by hideous marionettes.
This is probably a good time to give a heartfelt +1 to A Witch's Tale of the Fourth Holy Grail War.
Rodyle: Reading your Iskandar/Sekirei fic. Don't know how I missed that one.
Honestly I think its better if you separated the two. a little CE is good for EE majors, but combining them to make them one major kinda, I dunno, limited my range of skills in both fields by the time I graduated. I still know what I'm doing, but it's like the college forgot to teach me a hundred basic things that all the other guys I work with know right off the top of their heads.
Carnegie? Damn. Hey did you guys make fun of MIT too? My college had a t shirt that said "friends don't let friends go to MIT". though considering what they do to their bachelor's students, it makes sense in a sick way.
Rodyle has obviously never seen Samurai Jack. And I agree that getting multiple betas is a good idea.
Spoiler:
You have no idea. I was CIT, but the Comp Sci guys were even worse when it came to proclaiming how great they were compared to MIT, Stanford, Caltech, whoever. Try eating lunch with a bunch of Carnegie Mellon SCS students. It's scary.
But back on topic. Please consider changing your beta or at least getting a new one to supplement the other guy and make sure they aren't overly enamored with your current writing style (not too critical as to be counterproductive, but competent at writing and with your best interests for the fic at heart ). It could do wonders for your fic.
Last edited by Riven; December 4th, 2012 at 10:17 PM.
I absolutely adored Samurai Jack, and the Scotsman in that is great, the difference being that he's not a fanmade character who is better than a huge number of canon characters at their own specialties and pisses on numerous basic rules of the setting.
Edit:
also sudden recs for my own writing, what, was the secret hating others?
If you have seen Samurai Jack then I question the extent of the hate you have for Sirius' speaking style.
Last edited by nitewind; December 4th, 2012 at 10:22 PM.
Spoiler:
Next round? I think I've got something else that might derail the whole thing on FFD:
===
Title: Fate/Black Reflection
Author: Nameless Flame Wielder
Summary: Kurosaki Ichigo of Bleach series and his friends investigate Fuyuki and the HGW. An crossover fic of Bleach and F/SN, fusing the two settings (such as incorporating Soul Society into Nasuverse lore). A love-it-or-hate-it fic.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5591380/1
Additional comments from me: Pros include (IMO mostly) decent fight scenes and character interactions, cons include (somewhat) failed attempts to adjusting power levels so the two sides remain equal and make it believable. One example include baseline Shirou with roughly Fate route skills fighting equally against a seated shinigami while Rin gets her ass handed to her. Despite these flaws it's still a enjoyable read for me.
'Fae is Foul' - My SAO/ZnT Crossover fanfic (SB Thread) (FFN Link)
I think things like that work better when they're heard and not just written. I wouldn't be surprised that if the subtitles attempted to emulate The Scottsman's dialouge, it'd be an eyesore.
Apparently.
Also I would totally rec your stuff if it were complete or looked like it was progressing in that direction, but I have a hard time recommending unfinished works. MIaL only sneaked in because it's been updating consistently.
