Unfinished Business
Part I | trigger | 4,980 words.
Post UBW route, game verse.
Fic can also be found on AO3 | FFnet.
BGM: Ever Present Feeling (Realta Nua ver)
. . .
One day, Shinji approaches them on the roof of Homurahara Academy.
Asks to speak to her in private.
Her expression remains impassive, but Shirou can just feel an odd sort of tension rising from her when Shinji walks towards them.
It makes him want to step in front of her and impose himself as a barrier between them, and he's not even sure why. After all, Matou is not even close to being a threat to him, let alone her.
He knows she won't appreciate that, though, and thus restrains himself. He settles for standing beside her instead.
Rin just stares in silence for a long moment, lips a straight line, and gaze impassive at the boy with hunched shoulders and shadowed eyes trained somewhere on the fence behind her.
"Why?" she asks finally.
He watches as Shinji's mouth opens, closes, and then there's the gritting of teeth. The blue haired boy casts an unwelcoming half-glance and half-glare at him before returning to look at her.
Then the gaze drops down again.
The wind picks up.
For a short while, the soft rustle of leaves in the distance is the only sound in the ensuing silence between three of them.
The wind dies.
The boy takes a deep breath and then raises his head to look Tohsaka in the eye.
"Please," is the word spoken.
There's no arrogance to be found in that voice. There's no pride. Only a quiet resignation, regret, shame and something close to guilt -- yet not quite.
Shinji has changed.
Shirou has heard, from Sakura, to some extent of how her brother had changed since waking up in the hospital...but he is still surprised despite himself.
At the same time, he is a little glad to see the other changed for the better.
Rin’s gaze remains fixed on Shinji, and the soft orange sun casts a vivid burnt gold tint upon her hair.
" --- Please give us some space, Emiya-kun."
He's not surprised.
"I'll be by the door."
Her gaze moves to meet his for the briefest of a moment, there are hints of silver reflected in her brilliant blue eyes, and there's something like a thank you that she doesn't verbally say.
A request for space, after all, is not a request for him to leave.
Sometimes he wishes she can be a little more honest, but he's learning to read her better.
Shinji doesn't comment. It seems privacy is enough, though a glare is still thrown Shirou’s way.
So he walks across the rooftop to the entrance, actually steps inside the building, doesn't close the door, and instead leans against the door frame as he watches them.
The conversation between them begins anew.
He's far enough that he can't hear what Shinji is saying, but he's not so far that he cannot watch the change in her expression.
But needlessly said, he's just as surprised as Rin when a head is bowed.
Matou Shinji is...apologizing.
Shirou believes he's interpreting Rin's conflicted expression correctly when he thinks she's having a difficult time deciding how to react to it. And Shinji is still speaking.
But then.
Her expression changes completely.
It's no longer just surprise --- it's astonishment. Astonishment mixed with horror and amazement and disbelief.
It plays on her face so vividly.
She's so stunned by what she hears that she takes a step back and hits the fence behind her.
But it's only for a moment. Not ten seconds have passed, but it felt like a minute to him. She collects herself so swiftly and completely that he wonders if it was his imagination -- and then it's only rage that he sees on her face.
Pure, unbridled fury that shows in her eyes and from the prana leaking out from her uncontrollably, saturating into his skin even at where he stands.
And for a moment, he thinks -- he thinks she's just a moment away from killing Shinji.
Has she lost it?
He thinks she has lost it.
It makes him step out into the roof again in alarm, only to realize that Shinji is actually standing his ground despite the enmity she shows.
Shinji's hands are fisted in tightly, his head remains bowed in guilt, and he is trembling. And yet, he is resolutely standing there despite being afraid, for all intents and purposes ready for whatever Tohsaka may do.
Shirou can almost feel the prana forming in her left arm where her magic crest is, and he can’t help but think -- Shinji, what have you done?
The wind blows, and her dark hair waves around her.
Through clenched teeth, she speaks with a calmness that belies the rage building in her.
He can only catch snippets of it now because of the wind.
"...me...everything..."
"...ever since...young..."
The wind dies, and he can't hear what they are saying. And he's worried. He’s never seen Tohsaka so angry and so ready to kill. He doesn’t understand why Shinji is behaving this way.
He thinks something must have happened during the war, in the castle, that caused them to behave this way.
If he only knew how wrong he was.
If he only knew how right he was.
The wind picks up again.
And he hears a name he hadn't expected to come into this conversation.
"...Sakura..."
Sakura?
There's only one Sakura he knows, and it's Matou Sakura - Shinji's sister.
He watches the girl he loves.
Once again the expression that flits across her face makes his blood run cold. It’s no longer just shock and horror -- there is something like heart-wrenching grief and helpless rage among the myriad of emotions playing upon her face, raw and endless, and he knows for sure now that something has gone terribly wrong.
And he doesn't know what Sakura has to do with it.
The conversation goes on for a little while more.
And then it ends.
Tohsaka has turned away from the boy, and her gaze is at the distant city past the gold-orange sky.
Her back is to him and Shinji, but Shirou can just feel the tension lining her shoulders.
She is saying something he can’t hear nor even begin to guess with her back turned, but her tight fists speak volumes.
Whatever it is she said -- it makes Shinji nod, say something in return before turning and walking to him, then past him, and then retreating down the stairs.
"... --- Shinji?"
The boy who ignored him pauses but doesn't turn to look back at him.
It's a long moment before his friend (former?) speaks.
"I'm transferring to Tokyo. This is my last month here."
Wait. What? What about Sakura? And hasn’t the school year just started?
"Shin -- "
“It's really none of your business, Emiya, so just shut up,” Shinji interrupts irritably, doesn’t explain, and proceeds to stomp down the stairs.
He stares at the empty space, uncomprehending.
What just happened?
He looks back out to the roof where Tohsaka remains motionless, her back to him. The wind ruffles her long black hair, and the sun stains her clothes a soft yellow.
He doesn't know why her back feels so alone at that very moment -- as if she’s carrying the weight of the world on her back, yet somehow…
Despite it all, she stands tall. And strong.
. . .She never did tell him what the conversation was about, in the end.
"Sorry. I need some time alone to think." A pause. "I won't be attending school for the next couple of days, so contact me only if something urgent comes up."
Those were the words she left him with before leaving the school.
Tohsaka was absent from school the next day.
The day after.
And the day after.
"...Senpai." Sakura approaches him quietly. Her gaze is pensive, and he knows she's concerned as well.
The rumours went wild when the school idol was inconspicuously absent for three days without notice; so much so that, among the various people coming to him for answers, even Issei and Mitsuzuri commented about it to him.
When even Sakura comes to him for answers...
The younger girl hesitates for a moment before speaking again. "Tohsaka-senpai...is she okay?"
He doesn't know what to tell her besides giving his own pensive frown. Should he tell her about the conversation Tohsaka had with Shinji?
" --- Why don't you go see her?" she asks.
Oh, if Sakura only knew how much he wants to.
But the back that faced him that day in school as she walked away clearly said: "Let me be alone."
And Tohsaka did say it will only be a few days. She's as good as her word, and he trusts that she will be returning to school soon.
He just doesn't know what kind of expression she will have then. He hopes it’s not the one she had.
"Senpai?"
"Oh -- sorry. I was just thinking."
Something like exasperated fondness crosses her face despite the worry in her eyes.
He wonders if he should ask. He wonders if he can.
He doesn't really know what to think – is Sakura okay? Is she in danger? Did something happen to the girl in front of him? Why did Shinji mention her in the conversation, and why did Tohsaka react the way she did?
And why was Tohsaka so ready to kill Shinji?
"What is it, Senpai?"
He blinks.
Sakura smiles. "You look like you want to ask me something," she says by way of explaining.
It makes him give her a rueful grin. "That obvious?"
Her smile grows. "Unlike Tohsaka-senpai, you don't have a very good poker face."
...Ugh. He can't even deny it.
He sighs. "I...how is Shinji doing lately?"
Her smile vanished. "Nii-san?"
She stares up at him, and her eyes grow shadowed. "Nii-san...hasn't come back home."
"Eh?"
The younger girl offers him a weak, helpless smile. "After he got back from the hospital, he stayed a few days -- and then he left."
But Shinji was still coming to school daily.
He frowns down at her. "Did something happen?"
She hesitates. "No -- not that I noticed."
"...I see."
"Does Nii-san have something to do with Tohsaka-senpai being absent?"
His mouth closes shut. How did she figure that out from such a simple question?
The look on her face is a cross between pensive and worry. "Please tell me what happened, Senpai. If there's anything I can do, then..."
...Well. She says that, but he can't answer the question either -- because he doesn't know what happened.
But this conversation is enough to make him decide that he’s going to visit Rin today.
. . .
In retrospect, he kind of did expect this, but he would've liked it if she greeted him differently. Like, you know, with a smile. Maybe even a hug, though he's fairly sure that will never happen.
Rin, instead, is glaring sharply at him with arms crossed from the entrance of her house.
"....Didn't I say to leave me be for a while, idiot?"
Well, at least she looks alright. Even if a little bit exhausted.
"Just needed to make sure you are alright."
She tilts her head at him. "And now you know," she retorts. "Are you going to return home then?"
He actually wasn't planning to until he knows for sure.
Rin's glare deepens. It looks as if she's figured out that part, as well.
"...you realize," she says dryly, "that I could just leave you standing out here until you go home. In the cold."
She can, but he doesn't think she will.
For all the heartlessness she may exude and snap decisions she may make at a second's notice, she's one of the most empathic, kind persons he has ever met.
Tohsaka may deny it, but he knows. She could've left him for dead during the War. She didn't have to bandage his wounds and make sure he lives. She didn't have to do a lot of things.
But she did all of them anyway without complaint and without regret. Though she had argued that she did so under the guise of fairness and honor and not wanting to owe him or that it was because they were a team, he knows.
Tohsaka Rin is an inherently good person, and he will never want her to change who she is.
"Fine. Come in," she huffs at him, then steps aside. "You may be uninvited, but you're still a guest."
Ouch. True. But ouch.
... Well, a good person she may be, but that doesn't mean she passes at opportunities to jab when she can.
She's certainly a very complicated person.
. . .
"..."
"..."
He sips at his tea.
She remains quiet, elbow resting on table and fingers touching at the lip.
A clear sign she is deep in thought.
For a moment, he just watches her.
The overhead light that colors her hair with a soft hue, there is a reflection of silver in her vivid blue eyes, pale skin and hands that he knows are soft to the touch...
He shoves that thought to the back of his mind hastily. Now is so not the time for that.
He doesn’t stop watching her, though. He thinks he can watch her all day.
And across the table, her eyebrows are furrowing slightly.
The clock ticks in the silence between them.
Then, her eyes moves to focus on him.
"What?" She asks, seemingly a little flustered.
He blinks. "What what?"
She scowls at him, a hint of red on her cheeks. "You are staring."
Actually, he was admiring, but he's not sure if saying that will fly over well.
Her scowl is slowly turning into a glare at his lack of response.
"Emiya-kun...don't you know it’s rude to stare?"
"I wasn't staring," he says feebly even though it was true.
She shoots him a look.
“Okay,” he admits then, perhaps a little shamelessly. It’s not like he can help it. Half the time he still thinks it’s a dream that she has decided to be with him, wants to be with him, and is with him. “I guess I was.”
She doesn’t look entirely satisfied by his words. “Well?”
“Well?”
Her eyes narrow at him, and she scowls again. “Why are you staring at me?”
“I was admiring, actually.” A pause, and he’s suddenly feeling mischievous. “...I can’t?”
She flushes. “I - n-no, I mean, you can, but - “
Then she stops.
And she’s suddenly glaring at him again in displeasure.
“You are teasing me,” she says accusingly, a hint of sulk in her voice.
His grin must have been too transparent.
She glares more and then pushes the empty teapot to him. “If you have time to make fun of me, then you have time to fetch us more tea.”
His smile grows, and he stands, taking the pot with him.
He also mock salutes her in the process. “Yes, ma’am. Fetching us more tea now.”
As he walks towards the kitchen, he can hear her huff, and it makes him chuckle.
. . .He checks the kettle. Hmm. Empty.
After filling more water into it before setting it on the stove, he opens the cupboard in search of tea leaves. They just had earl grey, so maybe he should use lavender this time - it would do his girlfriend some good to be able to relax for a little while.
His thoughts come to a halt when he feels slender hands wrapping around his torso, and a warm body pressing into his back.
He freezes.
“T - Tohsaka?!”
Her face burrows further into him, and he can feel her resting her weight on him.
“H - hey - ” his brain fizzes at her being pressed to him this way.
"Be quiet," she commands.
He shuts up.
The grandfather clock ticks in the ensuing silence.
Tick, tick, tick.
Hesitantly, his hands lift to cover her smaller ones - only to freeze mid-way once more as she finally breaks the silence.
“Thank you… for coming to check on me.” Her words are soft. “And I’m sorry I worried you.”
Her words make him pause further, and then he grumbles in exasperation. It figures that she’s already realized why he came by.
She laughs quietly at that. “Don’t be like that. I really do appreciate it, you know.”
“Hmph.”
Her hands squeeze his torso lightly in response. She doesn’t let go, though.
“...Hey, Shirou?”
“Hmm?”
She’s quiet, for a long moment.
“There’s something I want to do. But...I know it will be a mistake.” She breathes in deeply. “To Tohsaka Rin, the magus, the heir --- it will be a very huge mistake to make.”
Her soft, calm words flow steadily, and for some reason -- he is reminded of that night when they were sitting back to back, in the cold cemetery grounds.
She feels as warm as she was that night.
“...But, if I don’t do this...I know I’ll regret it forever. So...I have to do it. I need to. Because if I don’t --- ” she pauses.
Then she sighs.
“--- I’ll never stop regretting it.”
The way Tohsaka says it is very puzzling. It’s as if she’s been regretting something for a very long time, and he isn’t sure if it’s something he can ask about. Or if she will ever willingly speak of it.
All he knows is that it has something to do with Shinji -- and possibly Sakura.
“...Isn’t this where you make a comment now, hey?”
He can’t help but grin at that. Isn’t this turning out to be a very similar scenario to that night?
He squeezes her hands gently. “Don’t you remember what I said, Tohsaka?”
She pauses at that. “Remember what?”
His grin grows.
That night was still fresh in his mind, including the clear winter sky, and bright moon.
He mock coughs into his fist, and his words are an echo of what he said that night. “You only get depressed once in a while, but what comes after is scary in your case. You would just go to the ones who got you depressed and get them to be even more depressed.”
Her grip tightens on him slightly -- it seems like she’s finally remembering that night too.
“Tohsaka...you’re the kind of person who would march on regardless, even when you thought you may have screwed up when it counts the most. And you are not planning to change your mind on what you decided to do, right?”
Like that night, she doesn’t answer his question.
But he can feel her smile into his back.
“Trying to finish me off again?” she asks, and there’s warm amusement in her soft words.
“Yep. Thought I’d strike while your guard is down.”
She huffs out a chuckle, and squeezes him a little more in reproach.
“Idiot,” she says.
He doesn’t mind, though.
It makes him smile again, instead.
. . .
“Hey, Shirou?”
It’s dark now.
There’s only the bright moonlight from outside illuminating her bedroom through the semi-transparent curtains, and it casts a soft white glow on her hair and skin.
“Hmm?”
“Do me a favor?” she murmurs into his neck, where her head is resting lightly on the edge of his chin.
He thinks he would do anything for her. His hand runs through her soft hair; the other is curved around her waist.
“What do you need?”
“--- Tell Sakura to come by my house after school tomorrow.”
He pauses in his motions.
“I…” she quiets momentarily before she continues. “I need to talk to her.”
“Okay,” he agrees easily.
She props her head up with a hand that rests on his chest then, and looks him in the eye.
“You’ve nothing to ask me?” she queries, her eyes a soft mix of vivid blue and silver in the reflection of the moonlight; dark hair spilling around her and him.
There’s a lot he wants to ask her, actually.
And he thinks -- he thinks that if he does ask, she will answer. That is what her eyes are telling him.
But...by asking, he also knows that the expression he saw that day - one of so much rage and sadness and pain - will come back to sketch itself on her face.
He doesn’t ever want to see her that way again.
So instead, he enquires about other matters that he's at least sure won't sadden her the way she was that other day.
“Is it going to be dangerous? For you, or for Sakura?”
Something like surprise flickers in her gaze.
"...What makes you think there's going to be danger?" she asks neutrally.
There are many answers he can give for that -- ranging from the things she told him in the kitchen to the pain lurking behind her eyes to the fierce determination that's so apparent to him -- but, in the end, he settles for saying, "You've never wanted to kill Shinji until a few days ago."
And it is true -- she's never shown that much enmity to Shinji, even during the Holy Grail War when the Matou boy had done unspeakable things. Back then, she had been prepared to maim, with all the intention for Shinji to take responsibility for what he had done.
But it's different this time. The fact that Rin doesn't respond - either to confirm or deny - is as good as admitting it.
Instead, after a pause, she answers the question he asked previously.
“There is a chance it might be dangerous. I don't really know yet.” Her words are soft and calm. She doesn’t lie to him. “But I’ll protect her,” she says, and he knows she means it. There isn’t a sliver of hesitation in that sentence.
Then there’s a moment where she considers her next words, so he waits.
“And I... need to do this myself, Shirou. I need to end this, by my own hands.”
She’s telling him that she’s going to enter into something that might hurt her, hurt Sakura, and he cannot follow her and protect both of them.
She’s asking him to understand that he cannot come with her, this time.
Can he be obstinate regardless and follow her?
This is my battle, her eyes seem to say, strong and resolute. Mine to start, and mine to end.
And didn’t something similar happen to him with Archer?
She respected it and let him do what he needed to do. This is why he knows he can't stop her or involve himself. He has no grounds to interfere because she will never be able to live with herself if he does.
His grip on her tightens a little.
“You’ll tell me what’s going on soon?”
Another pause.
“... Yes.” She hesitates, looks away. A shadow flits past her eyes. “If you want to know. But --- I can only tell you my part.”
That doesn’t completely satisfy him and actually leaves him with more questions, but it will do for now.
“You’ll tell me if you need me?”
At that, she looks back at him, and smiles. “I will.”
"No matter the reason? Day or night, emergency or non-emergency?" he clarifies, because he knows she has a tendency to try to fix things herself even when she's out of her depth.
Majority of the times she came out successful because she was Tohsaka Rin, but there were a few times when the results were disastrous.
Her lips quirks in amusement at that. "Yes, Shirou. No matter the reason."
"You'll tell me when things have been settled?"
She inclines her head a little. "You will know when it's settled."
“And you’ll come back to me?”
He thinks he’s caught her off guard with that question because she’s looking at him carefully now, reading the things he doesn’t say verbally.
Her stare penetrates and makes his throat go dry. It's as if she's looking into his very soul right now, and he just stares right back because he needs to know.
And for a long moment, she is silent.
Then she reaches up to him, brushing cool fingers on his cheek and lip, and speaks.
“I’ll come back to you,” Tohsaka Rin says, words soft but clear. “On my name, I promise you that.”
He knows that she knows that he knows it’s a reckless promise that she’s making. Their experience in the war for the Holy Grail was enough to tell them that there is no way she can promise him that with certainty.
And yet she has.
He shifts them around so that he’s hovering above her, again, with hands resting on each side of her, locking her in.
“If you make me wait too long,” he says uncompromisingly, “I’ll find you. I'll lock you up in my room. And I'll have my way with you.” And he's not kidding. He really will do it.
She blinks up at him even as he feels the tip of his ears grow warm.
Oh god did he reallyjustsaythat...
Then, unexpectedly, soft laughter bubbles out of her.
He stares down at her uncomprehendingly. He has just more or less threatened her (kind of but not really) and she laughed in his face. She laughed in his face.
It makes him want to sulk at her with wounded pride.
“Okay,” she says then, and there’s a real and affectionate smile on her face that takes his breath away. “I’ll hold you to that, Shirou.”
Her smile turns teasing, and the evil glint he's long familiar with returns to her gaze.
"But, Emiya-kun, when you say have your way with me, perhaps you could clarify a bit?"
There is mischief, and then there is mischief.
And at this moment, she is all of them, with a hint of something that makes his heart pound just a bit faster.
"Uh." A few choice images flit past his mind.
It makes his brain fizz and come to a grinding halt while blood rushes to another part of him.
His face goes hot.
Hers did too, but that was only after her eyebrows shot up as she glanced down then back to inspect the expressions playing on his face.
"...It appears that Emiya-kun does have a few things in mind," she says dryly, and there's a strange mix of amusement, curiosity and apprehension in her words.
“That - it - “ he stutters. That's unfair. He's at a massive disadvantage when she can already read him so well, let alone when that happens. "It - it doesn't matter, does it?! I'll just do whatever I want then!"
Despite everything about the current situation and the topic of conversation, a Cheshire-Rin-like grin is growing on her face. "But it does matter, Emiya-kun. It's you doing things to me, so naturally I'd like to know what that entails, especially since you had that very disturbing look on your face --- h - hey - haha - h-hey!!"
She's startled into giggling when he interrupts her by tickling at her sides. Mostly it's because he'd rather not dig himself a bigger hole to fall into (which will happen if he lets her continue)... and a little bit of it is because her laughter is music to his ears.
“Shirou! Don’t do that!” she half laughs and half reprimands; then she tries to bat his offending hand away only to have her wrist captured in turn and pressed to the bed. “What are --!”
Anything else that she would've said is cut off when he brings his lips down to hers.
She's surprised enough that he has the opportunity to slip in and take in the deep recesses of her mouth, tasting remnants of tea and lavender - and eventually her free hand winds up around the curls at the back of his head.
Then she breaks away for air when her breathing grows ragged, and he chases, swallowing any protests that she might give in a rough, hungry kiss.
Her fingers dig into the back of his head but she doesn't push him away.
"Shirou -- " she manages to gasp between lapses, "you - you are being an idiot."
She doesn't break away again. Instead, she pulls him closer, and lets him claim however way he wishes.
She knows, he thinks. She knows.
Despite the teasing and the banter that kept the mood between them light, the desperation and something like fear and the thousands of questions that are steadily burning in him haven’t disappeared even when he tried to keep them at bay.
And she's already seen through it all.
He would have done anything to be able to follow her into whatever chaos she's about to enter, but all she needed to do was give him that look and he knows he cannot intrude, not this time, or she will be lost to him.
Later, in the darkness, when he moves above and inside her again, her trembling fingers making indents in his shoulder and face buried in the crook of his neck, he wants to tell her that she is his. His, and he's not going to lose her.
Her fingers dig further into his shoulder.
"This," she mutters, half whimpers and half gasps as he moves, "this is why... I say you are....an idiot."
Oh. He had actually said that aloud. But he really doesn't have enough of a sound mind to respond, let alone process what she is saying. Had he taken a moment to consider it, he might have noticed that she didn’t actually rebuff his claim.
This is not something he would realize until much later, however.
. . .
A/N - I had a lot to say, but now that I'm actually posting this, I can’t quite recall what they are anymore...
So I'll say this instead: Fight scenes will be few and far in between, if there's even any. I also won't really go into technicalities or logic of the FSN universe, partly because I don't see a need to rehash known details, but mostly because I'm working off memory and may end up digging myself into a hole if I try.
Special thanks to WayFarer2000 for his help in beta reading and his useful suggestions; as well as to those who had offered me assistance in this.
And thoughts on this, of course, are most welcome. I hope this was a good read!
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by shiningphoenix
