Create-A-Servant 2

[RoydGolden]

She got captured and put into embarrassing position by aliens. But they released her and gave her true majik after she saved their gacha luck.

Hot.

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Please take this non-canon opinion to the fanfic forum, it doesn't belong in GD.

It doesn't really belong there either, since it's more general Philosophy then anything to do with the Nasuverse in particular.

I just brought it up since it seemed vaguely relevant. (And fun)

[Arashi_Leonhart]

I know this is sort of digressing from the point, but naming something definitely isn't the same as giving it a 'limit'. You can give a name for 'Infinity' and that doesn't magically make it not infinite anymore. Heck, you can even talk about and compare different kinds and levels of infinity, which are still all 'limitless' in a sense.

「　」
If you really wished to pronounce this term, call it "Kara".
Its meaning varied depending on each individual's understanding. To put it in simple terms, it was the Spiral of Origin.
However, since the Spiral of Origin was called the Spiral of Origin, it was no longer ' '.
To properly express this term was a source of headache during the production of the drama CDs.

[Dullahan]

「　」
If you really wished to pronounce this term, call it "Kara".
Its meaning varied depending on each individual's understanding. To put it in simple terms, it was the Spiral of Origin.
However, since the Spiral of Origin was called the Spiral of Origin, it was no longer ' '.
To properly express this term was a source of headache during the production of the drama CDs.

道可道，非恆道；
名可名，非恆名。
無名天地之始；
有名萬物之母。

[You]

names...
are important.

[NMR-3]

what software do you use to make spider graphs?

Paint.

Alternatively I think LaTeX could probably do it? I'm fairly sure Excel can with relative ease.

EDIT: whoops, new page.

[Zork Knight]

IDK, all the stuff attributed to Yog-Sothoth kinda makes me think of the root. He's less of a "spoopy non-Euclidean alien space tentacle thing" like the other Outer Gods and the Great Old Ones and more of an "omnipresent, all-seeing, all-knowing multiversal entity".

[SeiKeo]

Root is not an entity

[Bird of Hermes]

I just tend to stay away from concepts I don't really understand.

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Say, how believable the Root being Yog-Sothoth is? Was thinking about making a Randolph Carter caster.

Since Cthulhu has a canonical existence already, best stick to the whole spirit realm thing. Or just have him think Yog-Sothoth is the root and give him a mental pollution of sorts.

[Adlet]

In depth Servant sheets are for nerds.

Making Servant sheets in general is pretty nerdy. If you're gonna do them, you might as well have fun with making the sheet. Though being overly detailed has always been a bad trait of mine.

[asterism42]

Assassin
Nisus and Euryalus

Alignment: Chaotic Good (Nisus), Lawful Good (Euryalus)
STR: C/D
END: B/E
AGI: D/A+
MAG: C/D
LUCK: E/E
NP: C

Class Skills

Presence Concealment (B-): The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. The main skill to the Assassin class. At this rank, though the Servant is capable of fully concealing themselves, taking preparations to attack would usually cause a significant reduction in rank. However, their Noble Phantasm prevents this from happening.

Personal Skills

Combination (B): A Skill that displays how much one's combat power increases when on a united front with a specific person. At this rank, no matter what sort of severe battlefield, they will be able to grasp each other’s actions with a single gaze and then take the most suitable move. Such is their synchronicity that they appear as one mind controlling two bodies. Their fighting styles cover each other naturally, with Nisus using his javelins to pin down opponents while Euryalus uses his speed to launch hit-and-run strikes on the opponents.

Sabotage (C): The talent to reduce the enemy forces in the preliminary stages, before going into battle. An expert of traps. However, the higher is the ranking of this Skill, the more one's spiritual status as a hero declines. At this rank, it is possible to reduce the enemy’s strength by around 40%. Rather than trap mastery, this skill displays the pragmatic attitude possessed primarily by Nisus: tripping an opponent during a footrace, attacking an enemy army under the cover of darkness whilst they sleep, and attacking an opponent who has taken a hostage. The mentality of one who does not care about honour on the battlefield.

Devotion (C): A skill representing an all-encompassing passion for a single individual at the expense of all others. Such is the strength of their love that they are blind to the charms of any other individual, as a result a Servant bearing this skill is immune to infatuation-based mental assaults, such as the Alluring Voice skill. Nisus and Euryalus bear this skill due to their fondness for each other, which only serves to amplify their effectiveness in combat when fighting as a team. Should one of them perish, however, the other will enter a berserk state which can only be calmed by death.

Noble Phantasms

Messapus’s Gleaming Helm

Helmet that Illuminates the Dark Night

(Anti-Unit/Self, D): The shining golden crested helm that was stolen by Euryalus during his night raid. However, it would prove to be his undoing, as its glinting light alerted the enemy sentries to his presence. Wearing it provides a boost to all parameters, and it is studded with stones made of pure mana that can be discharged to give an effect similar to the prana burst skill, however putting it on seals Presence Concealment permanently and gives a luck penalty to both Nisus and Euryalus. In the presence of the helmet, all stealth related abilities, from both friend and foe, are sealed.

Darkness in Latium

Slaughter under the Starless Sky

(Anti-Army, C): The legend of the midnight raid the two soldiers undertook during the war between the Trojans and the Rutuli. With swiftness and silence, the two move throughout the battlefield under a shroud of darkness that is impossible to see through. While active, they can attack without lifting their Presence Concealment skill, allowing them to murder their way, unseen, through the enemy army. As a good portion of the Latian army was drunk or asleep at the time of the attack, this ability also carries a mental interference that induces lethargy and inebriation, though this is easy to resist, especially for Servants. The power of this ability waxes and wanes with the time of day, it is most powerful at midnight and during a new moon. As it is a Noble Phantasm that embodies stealth, it is also sealed away by the helmet.

Lore

Nisus and Euryalus were comrades and lovers who served under Aeneas. The most famous legend about them is told in Book IX of the Aeneid, wherein they launched a brave, but ultimately futile, two-man night assault in order to break through the siege surrounding their camp and summon reinforcements. Nisus, the older of the two, is a calm and cautious individual who prefers to view situations from a distance before launching a well-calculated ranged assault. His placid demeanour hides a scheming mind that will not shy away from cheating or dirty tactics. Euryalus is fast and impetuous, and prefers to make decisions based on his heart rather than his head. He will charge into combat without considering whether it’s wise or not. Despite their differences, they work well as a team, covering for each other’s flaws, with Euryalus willing to listen to Nisus and follow his orders in battle, thus reigning in his reckless tendencies; his idealism is also tempered by his boyfriend’s cynical nature. Likewise, Euryalus’s enthusiasm and innocence act as a buffer to Nisus’s nastier characteristics, and his drive will galvanise the more passive Nisus into taking action. Though true soldiers, loyal to the person they serve, in truth as reborn Heroic Spirits, they care about nothing but each other.

[Bird of Hermes]

Seems pretty dang solid. I'm actually doing an Aeneas sheet at the moment.

The Aeneid is... a piece of work.

[SpoonyViking]

Just build a skeleton, other people can add the flesh if they want.

Personally, this is my take. If someone wants to write Amleth as an emo teen, for instance, who am I to say "no, that's not how he should be"?

IDK, all the stuff attributed to Yog-Sothoth kinda makes me think of the root. He's less of a "spoopy non-Euclidean alien space tentacle thing" like the other Outer Gods and the Great Old Ones and more of an "omnipresent, all-seeing, all-knowing multiversal entity".

The Moon Cell, maybe?

[Bird of Hermes]

Personally, this is my take. If someone wants to write Amleth as an emo teen, for instance, who am I to say "no, that's not how he should be"?

That's the main reason I divide that section off in named tags - keep it separate from the basic skeleton of the sheet and people don't have to read it then.

[Bird of Hermes]

I remembered I haven't made many American servants. He's not to be taken seriously but it's one of two I have planned out of the founding fathers.

Source: x
Class: Archer (Can be summoned as the modern "Gunner")
True Name: George Washington
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Place of Origin: United States of America
Attribute: Star
Traits: Human
Armament: Musket, Sabre

STR: C
END: C
AGI: C
MGI: D
LCK: A
NP: B

Height/Weight: 187cm, 87kg
Likes: America, Ice Cream
Dislikes: Tea
Talent: Unity, Revolution
Natural Enemy: Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria

Class Skills:

• Independent Action (A) - It is possible to take action even without a Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary.
• Magic Resistance (D) - Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

Personal Skills:

• Charisma (A) - The natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being.
• Founding Father - Superior (EX) - A skill possessed by those who founded the United States with each one possessing a variant. At this level, the servant will instantly recognise any American Heroic spirit and their Noble Phantasms who hail from or are connected to his country. The ability to match these servants in terms of power and ability is dependent on a contested luck check.
• Marksmanship (C) - A Skill representing all-round shooting techniques, which includes quick drawing and trick shooting by means of small arms. Washington can efficiently utilise rifles and small firearms regardless of era.
• Military Tactics (D) - Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilised. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Although many say he was a commanded on the terms of Genghis Khan and Napoleon, his record was decidedly less than stellar and actually rather spotty.

Noble Phantasms

Crossing the Delaware Domination of the Fields (Anti-Terrain) (C+) - George Washington traversed across difficult terrain during the revolutionary war such as the Valley Forge and the Delaware River to perform a surprise attack. This Noble Phantasm acts as the conceptualisation of said feats. Moving through any non magical terrain will not slow Archer at all exists and grants him a boost to sneak attacks after or whilst travelling through a difficult landscape.

However should he be summoned in America, where he possesses an absolute fame boost, the concept will change from overcoming terrain to altering it. he will be able to alter the surrounding area of the size of an average American football pitch and continual alteration of the environment can quickly become very costly. This puts the enemy at an overwhelming disadvantage throughout the battle whilst giving himself an absolute advantage. There is no basis behind this change in concepts other than his peoples adoration of him.

Cherry Tree Pa, I Can't Tell a Lie (Anti-Unit) (D) - The one handed axe of George Washington. A distinctly unimpressive and mundane looking weapon. The crystallisation of the legend where he after he chopped down his father's cherry tree he confessed stating that he could not tell a lie. As long as he possesses this Noble Phantasm, George Washington is incapable of lying - however it allows him to see through any deceit. Aside from this, it possesses the magical energy normally found in Noble Phantasms, and it allows him to damage other servants and receive their blows.

Sleeping Giant Rags to Riches, The American Dream (Anti-Self) (A+) - America was famously called a "Sleeping Giant", a country that rose to immense power in a relative short amount of time. This Noble Phantasm is the crystallisation of America's power he helped create and representing his countries rise to power.

One week after being summoned, Charisma and Military Tactics are boosted to A+, representing how he united his people and their admiration of him.
Upon the second week of summoning, his parameters all gain a 'Rank-Up' to represent his prowess on the battlefield. Although he was only as competent as the average soldier he is revered as a mighty warrior by many of the American citizens to this day.
Upon the third week of being summoned, representing his aid from the French he gains the ability to summon firearms ranging from bayonets to modern guns. Although bullets from these equivalent to rank E Noble Phantasms.

If he were to be summoned in his home country, he would be treated as if he had already been summoned for three months. However if summoned in England who he rivalled or France who he relied upon, this Noble Phantasm will never give him the benefit of being summoned for three months.

Lore

George Washington was the commander-in-chief of the Continental Army and the first President of the United States.
Originally a surveyor, he began military service in the French-and-Indian War where he became Lieutenant Colonel and by the time of the Revolutionary War, he was chosen by congress to be commander of the American forces. After 13 years of war and suffering several notable losses, Washington's forces drove out the British. He became the first president of the United States and remains the only one to be elected unanimously. He retired and despite having survived war and hails of gunfire, he died of a cold and inflammation of the throat.

Personality

A quiet, humble and well mannered individual incapable of lying. Washington gives of the image of a superb gentleman. As expected he is a true patriot, ready to fight and die for his country. He values the freedom and liberty of his people above all else with everything he does being for the good of his country. However, he does have a sharp tongue to those who have earned his ire.

Washington knows exactly what he wants, and logically and straightforwardly acts on it. He wants America safe again, he wants to be able to see what his great country has become and he wants to make it even greater than before. Anything that would get in the way of securing the future of his homeland must be eliminated. Aside from his aspirations for his country, he possesses no personal goals.

He also possesses a strong sweet tooth and loves all sweets however he has a special love for ice cream. Especially strawberry flavour.

Tactics

George Washington requires a tactical long game. Though obviously it is best to summon him in America, that is not always the option. Prolonged summoning can be taxing upon the master so strain is best reduced. Also his master is not in his best interests - the state of his country is so it is best you twist his thinking into believing your goals equal Americas goals.

Also this goes without saying but don't summon him if you're British.

[Historia]

He's too hawt to be the Founding Father of America.

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and young

[Bird of Hermes]

Meanwhile Edison is a lion

[Historia]

dont question it

[Arashi_Leonhart]

Meanwhile Edison is a lion

This is just going to get us into trouble in general all the time in the future, huh.

"You can't make Dionysius' catapult into some armament he wears!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

"The only reason you made Yukimura female is because of Haganai." "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

"Úlfhednar aren't literal wolves!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

[RoydGolden]

Hermes: Didn't you say ages ago that you were thinking of doing Washington but didn't know enough about him so you chose Alfred the Great instead? I guess you did some more research on him in the mean time, then. I just got back from a walk around my neighborhood, so I'll be finishing up feedback on him now.

The sheet is quite interesting overall, though there's a couple issues worth noting. First, while most of his parameters are fairly reasonable given his fame, Strength- B seems unjustified. He's a hero from relatively close to the modern era and doesn't (as far as I know) have any legendary feats of strength to speak of (don't think throwing a dollar across the Potomac counts), so I'd lower it to C or D.

Regarding his first NP... 'traversing dangerous terrain' equating to being able to reshape the landscape on a whim seems like quite the stretch, IMO. I mean, I gave a similar NP to my Vercingetorix Servant a while back but that was at least more closely tied to their use of 'natural fortifications' in history while yours just feels... shoehorned in, for lack of a better word. I'd recommend heavily tinkering with the concept or even scrapping it outright if you can't think up a more fitting one. Something involving surprise attacks or a boost in enemy territory?

The third sentence of the first paragraph also describes Washington as 'Lancer' instead of Archer (I presume a holdover from an earlier sheet?) and the sentence in general is overly long and rambling. I'd advise putting a period before 'however' to make it a little easier to read. Just a nitpick, but you said you've appreciated sentence/grammatical critiques in the past, so...

His second NP is fine. Simple, but fine. No complaints there.

His third NP is a creative one, and I like how you tied it in with lore surrounding America itself. Since he's the first President (more or less...) it makes sense to essentially equate him with the country he helped found, like Romulus and ROMA!!! (Only with less exclamation marks) The idea itself of him gaining power over time to symbolize the rise of America is sound, though the timescale involved is kind of ridiculously inflated given that most Grail Wars only last for several weeks at most. Having it as weeks would be far more practical.

You also mention that it boosts his Charisma to A but that Skill is listed as A to start with so I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Or is that value what he'd have if summoned in America? In any case, it could use some clarifying.

Whew, that ended up being some fairly in-depth commentary there! Something about your sheet really got my critic's bone tingling... In any case, the sheet as a whole wasn't bad at all, just a few little things in need of some tinkering to bring it up to grade. I got a kick out of ice-cream being listed amongst his Likes given that he really was unbelievably fond of it, reportedly even spending 200 dollars on ice-cream in one summer (and, to quote TV Tropes, this was back when 10 dollars could buy you a really fast horse...). Definitely one of the Father of America's more amusing traits, and I'm a little surprised you didn't include a nod to his sweet-tooth under Personality (or his honesty, for that matter...).

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Also, the Protection From Arrows Skill would fit Washington enormously well given all the anecdotes of him being just about impossible to hit. At one point his horse was freaking shot out from underneath him in battle and he emerged totally unscathed. Supposedly an Indian leader who fought alongside Washington described him as having protection from Heaven.

Admittedly, he has enough Skills already and some of the above is probably accounted for by his high Luck stat, but still...

[RoydGolden]

He's too hawt to be the Founding Father of America.

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and young

Pfft, as if this is the first time a Heroic Spirit was made far more handsome/sexy/cute then their historical self ever was. Except Caesar, who ends up randomly fat for some reason.

In any case, I liked the FC. (Though it does kind of feel like an Otome game character...)

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This is just going to get us into trouble in general all the time in the future, huh.

"You can't make Dionysius' catapult into some armament he wears!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

"The only reason you made Yukimura female is because of Haganai." "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

"Úlfhednar aren't literal wolves!" "Meanwhile Edison is a lion."

It's not even a good precedent, since it's explicitly noted that Edison wouldn't look that way if he were summoned as a normal Heroic Spirit. (i.e Without PRESIDENTIAL POWAH!!)