TM Fanfics Index: Recommendations & Discussion. Updates never

[I3uster]

*on the amount of



Unless you really-really didn't get a tad bored reading the dozen or so of times that Saber was likened to a star, a shooting star or whatever other celestial body that struck Nasu's mind on the moment.

The repetition of certain phrases and stuff definitely gets grating, so yeah agree.

But yeah dry blow-by-blow description just reads horrible and nobody is going to pay attention to your meticulous positioning 500 words in the scene. Prose is what makes action read good, you are not a director when you write.

[Tobias]

This probably would be a bad time to mention I always think of my stories as "scenes" and consciously write and plan as if I am managing a stage play.

hell, I think I even noted once a minor mistake (depending on your viewpoint, some might call it a serendipitous accident) I made once was when writing ilya's castle I accidentally cast lancer and caster from carnival phantasm instead of from fate.

[mAc Chaos]

The repetition of certain phrases and stuff definitely gets grating, so yeah agree.

But yeah dry blow-by-blow description just reads horrible and nobody is going to pay attention to your meticulous positioning 500 words in the scene. Prose is what makes action read good, you are not a director when you write.

the repetition of phrases can create themes though that then conjure up the feelings you had in other scenes they were involved in

like anyone has to just mention those phrases about lancer being like a storm and i instantly remember the CG of him and archer fighting in the prologue

its evocative

[I3uster]

i get that this is your battle but uh

you might have noticed

might

that im not precisely fond of descriptive fighting

descriptive in what sense, breadth of information or prose

i wasnt even addressing you with the second sentence but i might have to

[Tobias]

There's no problem with the writer visualising his scene if it helps with writing it, he just needs to understand that it's not necessary or recommendable to try and make the reader see the same thing.

EDIT: I completely misread what you said. Having retread it, I gotta say, I really don't agree. To me, it's the writers job to make sure the audience can visualize what's happening in the story. Isn't that the point?

[I3uster]

EDIT: I completely misread what you said. Having retread it, I gotta say, I really don't agree. To me, it's the writers job to make sure the audience can visualize what's happening in the story. Isn't that the point?

If you simplify yes, but people don't actually picture what you picture. There is no way for writing to actually transmit visual information.

[Fel]

Actions scenes should be written descriptive enough that the reader can visualize what is going on, but not too descriptive so that it won't be mundane and break the tension and pace of a fight.

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The amount of information, detail, and prose that should be put into a fight will differ from writer to writer. Some writers can spice things up and keep the tension with a lot of prose and detail, while for others it will fall apart the moment they try to go for more than quick and vague explanations of what happened.

[eddyak]

Description's good with basic action, but it shouldn't be in too much detail. No complicated maneuvers, no overly detailed poetic nonsense. You need to keep a flow so that your reader doesn't stop, think "Huh? Wait a second" and go back, and descriptive enough that it isn't "lol they fought for three days and nights".

"He stepped forward, right foot level with his opponent's left, pivoting so the blade passed by his left arm, and using that same motion to drive his super move Omnipotent Flaming Right Fist Punch into Sir Poncingtontophat's stupid four-eyed face" is a great big no-no.

[Bloble]

Different strokes for different folks. I happen to think your big no-no is pretty good. Sometimes you want to go into excruciating detail on something to enhance its effect on the reader. Need I remind you how awesome the fights in KT were? Those all basically amounted to super insane gymnastic assassinations, and we loved them.

[eddyak]

Yeah, but they didn't go into ridicuwonderfulfragilistic over-the-top explanations on the fight. We didn't get a step-by-step blow-by-blow account of how exactly Shiki stayed below knee level and nearly cut off Kouma's head, we got the bare details. Kiri didn't detail the ways he pulled the guy apart, we just saw a dude get dragged under a table and limbs went everywhere, and that was more than enough.

My no-no was an example of how you don't want the entire fight to be written. If you wanna show off a really cool move you've come up with, it's fine if you spend a sentence or two on it, but the entire fight just cannot be written like that or people will glaze over.

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm an action aficionado.

[ksho]

I'd like to rec Contractual Obligations:

Contractual Obligations by Deer-Shifter.
Fate is a fickle thing. Time and time again, the Once and Future King has woken from her slumber to aid her country in its time of need. The World could not refuse her plea, her prophecy, but it has entered a never-ending loop as a result. Fed up, Alaya sends one of her dogs to fetch the key to a new Guardian.
Rated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Romance - [Arturia Pendragon, EMIYA] Saber, Archer - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,426 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 18h ago - Published: May 18 - id: 11258037


I never thought I'd ever read a time travel fic where EMIYA travels to Camelot that had the potential to be actually good...and I was pleasantly surprised that I might be proven wrong.

[Kirby]

Oh lawdy

What are your reasons for recommending this fic? It hasn't been recced yet, so you'll have to add one

[Historia]

From the first post on the thread:

What I need to add a new story to the Index:

• Link to the story.
• Story name
• A positive review of your own.
• Plot synopsis. If your review gives the synopsis I can work with that. It must give the casual reader an idea of what's the fic about, hopefully in two lines, or so. About two tweets in length.

Just add two more things.

[Kyte]

I'd appreciate a bit extra on the why you like it but it's mostly ok.

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I mean the FFn summary plus tags plus blurb gives me enough of an idea of what's going on, there's the link, author and dude said he liked it although like I said before I'd prefer some elaboration on what exactly you found good in it.

[Imperial]

I'm throwing a -1 on Contractual Obligations.

It's incredibly uneven, starting off with a long, boring slog of a lecture on the nature of Nasuverse mechanics, and then it gets those mechanics entirely wrong when it treats us to a scene of EMIYA and a personified Alaya having a conversation while she lists the mission parameters and logistics like something out of a 007 movie.

Counter Force doesn't ask nicely. Counter Force doesn't send its Guardians on fetch quests or recruitment drives. Counter Force doesn't give a shit about some British chick with a fairy sword.

So it's boring and wrong. Great reading this is not.

[ksho]

Oh lawdy

What are your reasons for recommending this fic? It hasn't been recced yet, so you'll have to add one

I'd appreciate a bit extra on the why you like it but it's mostly ok..

The writing is excellent for one...the characterization and interaction between the characters is another, as each characters voice feels true to their characters. (it helps that the author seems to have competent knowledge of Arthurian lore as well)

I especially liked the author's original take on Alaya as an inhuman B*tch who doesn't really understand humans at all...despite having access to all of humanities history.

I'm throwing a -1 on Contractual Obligations.

It's incredibly uneven, starting off with a long, boring slog of a lecture on the nature of Nasuverse mechanics, and then it gets those mechanics entirely wrong when it treats us to a scene of EMIYA and a personified Alaya having a conversation while she lists the mission parameters and logistics like something out of a 007 movie.

Counter Force doesn't ask nicely. Counter Force doesn't send its Guardians on fetch quests or recruitment drives. Counter Force doesn't give a shit about some British chick with a fairy sword.

So it's boring and wrong. Great reading this is not.

It's an original take that works IMHO...not to mention that it was established early on that this case was an exception, and Alaya doesn't usually hand out or even meet her CG's face to face. (that "Automatic Acceptance" to "Manual Review" of a mission was telling)

Also, the author has confessed to have read Nasu's Garden of Avalon translation before he wrote this....which indicated that Saber IS a big deal who has the means to escape the throne. So it's no wonder that Alaya would want Saber in her CG stable and put the extra effort to procure her.

[Imperial]

It's an original take that works IMHO...not to mention that it was established early on that this case was an exception, and Alaya doesn't usually hand out or even meet her CG's face to face.

Also, the author has confessed to have read Nasu's Garden of Avalon translation before he wrote this....which indicated that Saber IS a big deal who has the means to escape the throne. So it's no wonder that Alaya would want her in it's CG stable and put the extra effort to procure her.

I don't buy it.

Alaya hasn't shown anything resembling a human consciousness, so the idea of "wanting" her is tenuous at best. Not to mention the Counter Force acts through individuals more often than sending in the Guardian brigade. Given Arturia's legend of returning at the time of Britain's darkest hour and Excalibur being the anti-planet buster that it is, she's already on track to pipe up when humanity really needs her.

But lore wank is really secondary to what a bore it is. Even Kiiam got a few things wrong with Want and Need, but those weren't deal breakers because he writes an interesting, engaging story. The Camelot stuff has some charm, but it's wasted on Archer and the entire overarching plot. It would have been better as Arthurian back story.

[Kirby]

I would like to give neutral to Contractual Obligations.

Okay, first off, this thing starts with a huge ass infodump on the mechanics of the Throne, over a thousand words long, and it gets things wrong. Like, for example:

Each Meddler's soul is captured by Alaya in the moment between death and entering the cycle – the Norse legend of Valkyries swooping down and carrying fallen warriors off the field is, perhaps, a description of the process – and brought to the Throne, where a room has been specifically prepared for him or her, in accordance with personal tastes and aspects of the legend based around the new Hero. There is usually an area set aside for a meal, and for sleeping, as well as for pursuing one's own interests – be they in combat, magic, research academia, musical composition, or otherwise. This is generally an illusion, however, for once the hero has laid down on the bed, they will sleep until something awakens them, and so not much use is had for the other areas of the room.

I mean, I'd forgive it if it was presented in an interesting way, whether it be through nice prose, or if it was humorous or witty or anything, but in the end it was just really, really dry. It reads like a textbook. Originally, I was gonna give it a -1 because of this alone, but I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and read ahead a bit. What I found was actually quite decent.

I actually didn't have too many gripes with what followed, neither with the writing style, which I enjoyed in the following chapters way more than that prologue, nor with the plot itself. This author seem to have researched this era well enough, as far as I know (which isn't much), and it's not like anyone's acting terribly out of character at that point. I mean, the writing's not like "vomit more of your words into my eyes onegai" tier, but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit, and it does set the tone of the era (disclaimer: I don't know shit about history, by this I just mean like knights and castles and chivalry and shit) quite nicely. I was surprised

It's also in present tense. Welp

tl;dr: prologue is ass, afterwards is actually quite decent, gets the counter force wrong, present tense why

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Basically, if you don't wanna read this, you're probably not missing out on too much. If you do wanna try it out, skip the entire prologue. Also I didn't read the third chapter so welp

[Arashi_Leonhart]

Also, the author has confessed to have read Nasu's Garden of Avalon translation

That would be a feat.

[SeiKeo]

Presumably, (Nasu's Garden of Avalon) translation, instead of the close paren being another word right.