Nope.
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Nope.
Okay, I'll change it when I get home from work. Also, that's a very cool Solomon. Mind if I use a few things from him?
Class Name : Archer
True Name : William "Billy the Kid" Henry McCarty, Jr.
Sex : Male
Alignment : True Neutral
Height / Weight : 173cm/65kg
Background :
A 19th-century gunman who participated in the Lincoln County War and became a frontier outlaw in the American Old West. According to legend, he killed 21 men, but it is generally believed that he killed 8 people. He killed his first man in April 1 1877 at the age of 18.
Billy the Kid enjoyed a reputation built partly on exaggerated accounts of his exploits. But despite his notoriety, he is described by those close to him as fun-loving and jolly, articulate in both his writing and his speech, and loyal to those for whom he cared. His many Hispanic friends did not view him as a ruthless killer, but rather as a defender of the people who was forced to kill in self-defense. In the time that the Kid roamed the land he chided Hispanic villagers who were fearful of standing up to the big ranchers who stole their land, water, and way of life.
His way of life only further increases his notoriety in the eye of the constables, effectively dooming his appeals for amnesty. As a result, he lived an outlaw way of life, with a lot of hit-and-run method against his pursuers.
Due to his nature, he will always fight against rulers.
Parameters :
Strength : E
Endurance : E
Agility : C
Prana : D
Luck : A
Noble Phantasm : C
Class Skill :
Independent Action : B
Can remain in this world for 2 days even after losing his Master. Also capable of living on for a short period of time after suffering extensive damage on his spiritual core..
Personal Skill :
Clairvoyance : C
Capable of keeping track of fast-moving object within a range of 4kms. Archer focused this skill on 'improving accuracy' instead of 'long-range aiming'.
Disengage : C
The ability to break away from combat.
Bonus effect of returning battle conditions to what they were at the beginning of the match
Battle Continuation : D
Could stay alive until a successful retreat.
It allows one to stay alive and make for a retreat even on the verge of death.
Speedster : C
Improved reaction timing.
At C rank, Archer could react to any enemy's action immediately. With succesful LCK throw, his reaction result could be faster than that of his enemy's.
Nature of a Rebellious Spirit : C
The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. Negates the effects of Charisma with the same rank.
Noble Phantasm :
Quick Draw, Shock and Awe
Rank : C
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 1-100
Maximum target : 1 person
It is the ability actualized by Billy the Kid's legendary quick shots. Depending on AGI and succesful LCK throw, Archer's bullet can be shot and hit the enemy before his enemy's attack begin.
This, combined with his Speedster skill, results in Archer's nearly always faster than his enemy.
However, the effectiveness is reduced when used outside of surprise attack.
Design :
The idea is to make a fragile speedster, hit-and-run kind of Servant. Archer is weak, almost even weaker than Assassin (Ken Arok), parameter-wise. But in a preferable condition of successful surprise attack, he will nearly always win.
He used the same fighting style as Assassin's, but it differs in that Assassin's is 'sneak behind the enemy', while Archer's is 'surprise the enemy' by suckerpunching them in the face.
Bit too strong for a 19th century Servant. As in way too much so.
Start with everything by one rank.
Edited.
The idea Battle Continuation for this guy is more like fore staying alive until he could runaway, since his style is hit-and-run. But yeah, I guess the rank is too high.
Hilarious that he has a skill that potentially lets him react faster than Red Rider with Dromeus Cometes.
If you want him to have 6th sense/reaction shit, Eye of the Mind is for you.
It's actually less useful than mind's eye, since his skill depends on LCK. That, and it's fast as in "the bullet hit his enemy before the enemy reach the letter M from Dromeus Cometes." But if the enemy already in uber-speed mode, than the skill is useless, since it's only pure reaction and response.
Basically it's only usable to prevent enemy using NPs by shooting the enemy before/in the middle of activation. That's why surprise attack is an important condition. Of course, it cant be used against passive NPs and it's less effective with enemies with high endurance. That's where Clairvoyance's accuracy takes play.
Not sure if he would even qualify for HS, he used guns after all and Nasu has gun control stance when it comes to HS.
To be honest, I kinda thought a gun-using HS is fine if his Noble Phantasm isnt a gun, but the ability using gun. And... well, I sort of thought it's fine, since there's several HS in the front page of this thread uses guns too. And he's still within the age limit of HS, though barely.
...Is it absolutely no good...?
Posted this in previous pages, but I'd like to get more opinion.
Class Name : Berserker
True Name : Bodvar Bjarki
Sex : Male
Alignment : Lawful Mad
Height / Weight : 207cm/127kg
Background :
"Bodvar Bjarki ploughed into them now, hacking two handed, his only thought to do as much damage as he could before he fell. And now they fall in heaps before him, one on top of another, and both his arms are bloodied to the houlder, and he felled so many, the dead were stacked all about him. He stormed on as if he was insane.
There came on now such a storm of spells that the champions began to fall, one on top of the other, and King Hrolf found himself outside the shield-wall and was near enough laid low with weariness. No need to spin it out with words: there fell King Hrolf and all his champions with good glory.
But what a slaughter they dealt out there, words cannot describe it."
One of the original Icelandic berserkers, Bodvar Bjarki was the mightiest of the 12 of berserker champion of King Hrolf. He was offspring of the were-bear Bjorn and Bera, giving him the might and nature of the beast. As the chief warrior of King Hrolf, he is an exceptional warrior and the strongest berserker in his time.
His final fate was one befitting him; he died after a glorious rampage upon his king's enemy, taking as much of them to Valhalla just by himself.
Bodvar Bjarki of the Hrolf Kraki Saga have many similarities and share many personalities with Beowulf from Beowulf Saga. Depending on the circumstances, were they to meet in battlefield, they will either kill each other on the spot or become best buds.
Parameters :
Strength : A (A+)
Endurance : A (A+)
Agility : C (B)
Prana : C (B)
Luck : E (D)
Noble Phantasm : A (A+)
Class Skill :
Mad Enhancement : B
Rank up for all parameters, but takes away most of sanity.
Personal Skill :
Bravery : B
Able to fend-off attempts of any mental interference such as coercion, confusion, or illusions.
When Bodvar uses his class skills and went mad, this skill is disabled.
Monstrous Strength : B
Increases strength temporarily by one rank. Duration depends on the rank of 'Monstrous Strength'.
Battle Continuation : A
Able to ignore any non-fatal wounds.
It allows for battle even on the verge of death, and allow the user to stay alive until they receive clearly fatal blow.
Noble Phantasm :
Laufi, Unbendable Sword
Rank : D
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 1-2
Maximum target : 1 person
A robust 2-handed sword
Big, blunt, and heavy, the sword is better used to smash the opponent rather than slashing them. In his life Bodvar was given a limitation upon using this sword; if drawn, it can only be put back into the scabbard after having illed a man. This sword doesn't have any special properties other than being 'a very tough sword'.
Bjorn's Blood, Warlike Little Bear
Rank : A+
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : ~
Maximum target : 1 person
A release of Bodvar's inner beast, inherited from his father's therianthrope blood. It took shape in the form of piritual bear overlapping Bodvar's massive frame in an armor-like manner. When activated, it raises all Bodvar's parameter by one rank. However, when used, sanity is robbed even further. Prana consumption when Bjorn's Blood is activated is massive and continuous.
Design :
The idea is a character that rivals Saber (Beowulf). But while both of them are a power-character, Beowulf is a seasoned and refined warrior. Bodvar, on the other hand, is a wild berserker through and through.
What's with the massive paragraph gaps?
Take some time to polish up the presentation.
Kind of like a resturant-grade meal, I'm more likely to consume it if it looks good on first glance.
Not to shill my own stuff, but for an example, see one of the profiles I made.
http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...l=1#post798089
If you ain't image editing, you ain't shit.