From the Ashes

[lethum]

Well, it's well written, but it isn't the most... comment-able scene. Speculation would be too speculative, and so people just wait for more.

[NewAgeOfPower]

Well, you left us for half a year, so your fanbase sorta dwindled.

Don't worry, it will experience a resurgence soon!

[YeOfLittleFaith]

Curiouser and curiouser.

[Dragonx99]

So someone wants Shirou alive eh? Interesting.

[NewAgeOfPower]

Spoiler Spoiler (Possibly...)

Did Shirou summon himself? White hair?

[Incarnite Azurnum]

Spoiler Spoiler (Possibly...)

Did Shirou summon himself? White hair?

Spoiler:

Nope, its Karna, the gold and black armor and the fire is a dead give away

[mrkingdomheartsboy]

Interesting wonder what she wants with shirou this time.

[IhaxlikeNoob]

I've completely forgotten what this fic is about with all the time it's been dead, lets see if I can remember:

Shirou's origin is different, something having to do with fire?
Shirou summons a different red-clad Saber?
Kiritsugu is still alive and kicking, still doing work in some place in the world.

That's all I can dredge up from my memory anyway. :/

I'll try rereading it later if you have plans to continue this.

[IhaxlikeNoob]

Well since you plan to continue i'll reread it later.

[IhaxlikeNoob]

You make it sound like a bad thing.

[Daneel Rush]

I think pacing remains a constant issue with first-person stories. It's kind of jarring to add lines and lines of description in the middle of a fight when the narrator's life is at stake, but at the same time it's necessary to make the narration substantial. I really don't know how to reconcile this, but I guess I would be a much better writer if I did in the first place.

In conclusion, pacing. I really cannot put it into words, but the pacing of this story bothers me and disrupts my enjoyment of an otherwise intriguing setup.

[Twailaith]

Latest Snip

Achevement: Loli Route unlocked.

*Ahem*

I like this. I like this HARD. Interesting concept. Excellent plot. Frikkin' Brilliant backstory. Not to mention seeing freakingKarna being summoned as Shirou's Servant.

The writing style you use gives me the same feel as the one I experienced the first time I read the VN. The sense of mystery, and not really understanding anything, but instead slowly building up your own mental picture of what is or isn't happening.

On the Twailaith scale of potentially most awesome fics to ever be, you rate a solid 'maybe'.

[Bittersweet]

Gauss so tsun.

[Daneel Rush]

Pacing is a known and constant struggle for me, exacerbated by the fact I rarely have large chunks of time in which to write and instead generally only get bits and pieces done at a time.

Regarding fight scenes, do you feel this is a significant problem with the latest piece specifically?

I found it an issue in Shirou's second encounter with Lancer, at his house. It might just be a personal preference, but in a scene of fast-paced, desperate action, I believe it is better to put aside the conjunctions and just stick to short sentences. It should be rapid fire: show what's happening! Show the emotional pressure! There's no time for long-winded sentences such as "My shoddy reinforcement skills aren't up to the task, and the numbing pain of resisting such powerful blows makes it clear I won't last long." You're fighting for your life, Shirou! Don't waste yours and my time explaining why you can't defend yourself against the crazy man in the tight suit!

The Berserker fight was much better, but mostly because Shirou was not the one doing the fighting, just narrating what he saw. The problem was of a different nature: the pace of the narration was good, but the words themselves did not give me enough of a feeling of urgency-you know, the "holy-shit-HERAKLES" feeling. Then again, perhaps you were not going for that, what with the abrupt and somewhat humorous conclusion to that fight.

EDIT: Also, the Mahābhārata is a fun read, so you shouldn't be bored during your research.

[iamnuff]

When in doubt, meter out!


If anyone actually thought I would get stuff done when I said I would. . . I've got some swampland in the Everglades that I can get you for a great price!

Anyways, I finally got around to doing some editing of the first chapter. Take a look at it again if that's your thing. I'll need to go back and smooth out the flow some more, as well as more major changes. Next up, though, is editing the beginning of the second chapter, in particular the fight scene that's received so much complaint (all of one person). Beyond that I've also gotten a little start on the next chapter, although I'm really unsure of just how I want to spin things. Pretty sure what I've got is OOC, too...

I did not, in fact, manage to get into the Mahābhārata. I did pick up another copy of Beowulf on the cheap, so my time wasn't a total loss. I've been trying out this 'sleep' thing I keep hearing about as well, with mixed results.

just caught a look at this fic for the first time.

no idea who either of the servants are. saber might be EMIYA? but he seems to be using projection? so he could be cannon Emiya (so he's in for a bit of a surprise when Fire!shirou breaks out some magecraft.

actually, i was wondering about shirou's magic,

in canon it says "the only magecraft Shriou Emiya can do is projection" basically, he's taking bits out of his reality marble (e.g swords) and projecting them into the world around him, right?

that's how i understood it anyway.

i wondered what he would be like if his magecraft was exactly the same (projection only) but his reality marble was completely different.
for example, Fire.

so, my question. Is this Shirou using projection to call up the Flames he was "born" in from his memories? or is he just using basic fire magic from his Fire/Fire element/origin?