Thu'um of A Distant Utopia [Skyrim Crossover]

[logiccosmic]

Yeah, that's some of what I thought, but when Arturia mentioned being so human it felt more like she wasn't talking about what she was like when she was alive and more like she was downgrading her stats to the average joe. I think I'm more worried that Alduin is supposed to be the big bad, at least from the scraps of info I read about Skyrim, but Arturia's already going head to head with last boss.

More like a sneak attack.

Alduin attacked to kill the Dragonborn before s/he got powerful. Saber already being able to Prana Burst was not expected. If anything, Saber already showing her hand will make Alduin really really really dedicated to stomping her out.

[Ergast]

The problem is, he is running out of time. Now she was running mostly of adrenaline rush, if you ask me. Being this human Arturia, she can recharge herself, so if you give her between one and three days, she should be at 100%. If I was Alduin (and having the knowledge I have), I would try to get my hands/claws on every powerful weapon, as this seems to be the only thing preventing Arturia from killing him, that the weapon she had couldn't withstand the strain of the flames and the Invisible Air. If she gets the Goldbrand, my bet is that Alduin is nine kinds of fucked. And if Excalibur is here, then tenfold that times of screwed.

[reborn214]

I don't think Atruia would ever accept using the Goldbrand although the dawn/duskfang would be another story.

[Flere821]

I haven't played Skyrim, but I'm looking forward to more of this story

Though I do wonder how did Saber get into this universe/realm/setting to begin with...

[Barret]

First, love what you have so far Fish and hope to see more. Second, this and the Fate/Dragon's Dawn thread have inspired me to try and make Saber in Skyrim myself.

[logiccosmic]

Two Handed + Alteration + Heavy Armor.

Enchant a Two Handed Weapon.

[fallenblades643]

I like, I only have 8 hours of play on skyrim but this is too beautiful of a chance to pass by. I can't wait for more.

[Barret]

Also, Arturia would not like the Stormcloaks because from everything I've heard they would remind her too much of the Saxons and other Viking invaders and raiders that she spent her entire life protecting her kingdom from.

[deviatesfish]

Sorry about that. I wrote the fight scene around 3 to 4 AM in the morning while playing the main theme of Skyrim in the background, so it's kind of rushed.

[Neir]

Fantabulous, fishfish.

[deviatesfish]

Understand that Arturia isn't a reliable narrator in this case, because how long has it been that she was truly a human being anyway?

[2ndsly]

Thats a fair point.

[Froggie]

I cannot vouch for the accuracy of any of these corrections. English is not my first language so I'm mostly going by what sounds "right" in my mind. And that mostly involves keeping tenses consistent...

---

least her body gives in and she faints again.

Sudden shift in tenses from the previous sentence here. Should probably be "lest her body gave in and she fainted again."

In that instead her eyes opened enough,

I believe you meant "the instant".

A leader, perhaps, by the furs he wears?

Not sure if this is wrong here. It rings right to my ears, but the tenses shift suddenly again. Maybe "wore" would have been appropriate? Honestly not sure if it's appropriate or not.

And the cold chilled her, only when she noticed the ice around her, did she realize that goose bumps rose on her arms.

Something in the phrasing here doesn't ring right, but I can't place my finger on it.

Everything in her limited sight was wintery, but the opposite of a wonderland.

Ahahahaha, winter wonderland. Funny train of thought there.

she wondered if it is because there was a shred of her lasting morality

"She wondered if it was"

She saw what was going on well enough already from this conversation, but none of this touches on anything in her memories of history

"touched upon anything"

These men all thought they are headed towards an execution.

"Thought they were headed"

A headsman means that she truly is going towards an execution.

A headsman meant that she was truly going towards an execution.

The thief prayed to his gods, now with a voice full of urgency.

Sounds better without the comma in the middle there.

Their skin were pale and yellow, a sickly coloration.

Either "Their skins were pale and yellow" or "Their skin was pale and yellow".

Her sight has cleared up enough by now that she could see their expressions clearly.

Her sight had cleared up enough.

Thalmor.

Damned Elves.

Huh? That came out of nowhere... Are they lines being spoken by someone? Without quotation marks it makes me think that it's part of her train of thought, but they seem to have no coherence with any part of the previous narration, jumping in out of seemingly nowhere.

So why was she here? She roared in her mind, burning with frustration, ignoring the legate who called for her to exit the cart-wagon. She has no purpose. Why…?

Is she thinking to herself in third person? Shouldn't it be "So why am I here?" and "I have no purpose here"?

he still did not protest as his superior sentenced her to death, just for being at the wrong place as the wrong time.

Wrong place at the wrong time.

A rage burned within her, for the roughness of the push, for the bleeding scraps her knees suffered

I think the proper word here is "scrape" not "scraps".

All thoughts along the lines of her reasons for being dissipated, leaving only her reactions.

This reads awkwardly. Maybe change it to "All thoughts along the lines of her reason were being dissipated, leaving only her reactions..."?

For that single moment of clear though,

Thought.

It was a familiar battle cry of a phantasmal beast that raped her lands for many years.

Snrk. Raped. Hahahahaha. Raped her lands... HAHAHAHAHA.

But when it finally dawned, it dawn in fire, from the dragon’s very mouth,

Dawned in fire.

The heat was warm, cleansing her of the grim caked on her.

Grime.

Be it man of beast, she would not turn her back upon it.

Be it man or beast.

being no match for the power of her.

Being no match for her power.

It felt good to hold a real grip, after so long.

Something doesn't ring right here, but I can't put my finger on it.

And she will thrive in her imperfection.

So she would thrive in her imperfection.

she was at the top of a burning mead hall that was littered with holes and giant pock marks.

Littered with holes, like giant pock marks.

She grabbed one of its larger spikes along its spine and grippe tightly as she stabbed again and again with all her might.

*
Gripped.

Alduin twisted and turned, now both furious yet his efforts seemed a little more desperate than before.

The "both" is out of place there.

---

With that out of the way, I must say I greatly enjoyed reading this. As always, I'm the biggest fan of anything you write and I liked this even when I'm unfamiliar with the second half of the crossover. Enough tantalizing tidbits and descriptions were dropped to make the world feel alive and make one feel curious to learn more about it. Still, I do wonder where this is all heading. It seems to me that, with stripping her of the vast majority of her powers and dropping her in an unknown world, you want her to take another crack at realizing her Ever Distant Utopia? I can see that being a very interesting overarching theme, but one that would get boring real fast if bogged down by too much politicking.

What else? I think it would definitely be interesting to see more of the Fate cast. Maybe not EMIYA, but perhaps other people looking to carve out their own kingdom as humans in a strange land? *nudge nudge hint hint*

Hm... can't think of anything else to say other than that I loved it and would probably give a few more chapters a try before I make up my mind on Skyrim. So far, it seems like it could be an interesting cross, but I'm not entirely sold on the setting. Will have to wait and see

[Kotonoha]

Sudden shift in tenses from the previous sentence here. Should probably be "lest her body gave in and she fainted again."

Wouldn't it be "lest her body give in and she faint again"?

[Froggie]

Hmmm... That sounds "right" too, Koto. Now I'm not honestly sure. As I said, english is not my first language so most of those are "by ear"

[Ergast]

I don't think Atruia would ever accept using the Goldbrand although the dawn/duskfang would be another story.

In Oblivion, the Goldbrand was earned in battle against one member of every race, and it was just a powerful fire katana. I don't see Saber's problem with that sword. Now the Ebony blade or the Umbra are another matter.

[reborn214]

Yeah in Skyrim summoning the Daedra lord who owns the goldbrand involves human sacrifices so yeah; there is no way she can get it. It makes you wonder how willing those participants were?

[Kieran]

Understand that Arturia isn't a reliable narrator in this case, because how long has it been that she was truly a human being anyway?

If Arturia's based on the historical Arthur, about sixteen centuries, since he's a 5th-century warlord. But given that her legend includes Lancelot and Guinevere in that kind of relationship, I'd say only nine - since that triangle was invented in twelfth-century France to spice up the story.

[deviatesfish]

Thanks guys, I'll take everything into consideration and make the necessary changes.

[Garlak]

Yeah, that's some of what I thought, but when Arturia mentioned being so human I thought she wasn't talking about what she was like when she was alive and more like she was downgrading her stats to the average joe. Well after that thread about FSN/Skyrim xover, my brain carried over some preconceived notions. I think I'm more worried that Alduin is supposed to be the big bad, at least from the scraps of info I read about Skyrim, but Arturia's already going head to head with last boss. She couldn't hurt it too badly, but then again, she didn't seem to be hurt badly either and she's in a disoriented/not 100% state.

Well, while Arturia was a powerhouse while alive...

She needed to do things like breathe and needed proper blood circulation, couldn't astralize (not that she can in F/SN though) or other neat tricks Servants have. Stuff like not caring about cut arteries, that sort of thing.

So yeah, there would be differences in being human again. Even if you were more powerful in life, while you're more of an archetype as a Servant and dependant on your Master's power too, there are advantages and disadvantages to both states.