Requiem for Loss

[ItsaRandomUsername]

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WARNING: Contains spoilers! Read at your own risk!!


Also, mood music.

Your choice.

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[ I ] – First Blood // Premature Failure
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What...?


What the hell is this?!


No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No way! Nuh-uh! This can't be happening! There's no way! This isn’t real! This is just a game! A game, damn it!


Alright, alright - I get it. I lost, okay? I know that. As much as I hate it, I'll be forced to accept my defeat to them, if that's what you really want.


...So why...? Why is this happening then?!


This is unheard of! This is just a dream, just a stupid nightmare in poor taste!


This isn't real!


This isn't real!


This isn't real!


----Damn you, stop it! Stop it right now! Let me log out! Hey! G-give that back to me! If this is a joke, it's not funny, stupid! Not at all! This is scary! That’s what it is!


Don't you get it? I can't lose, do you hear me? Because I'm the best! I'm the best! I must be the best! I need to be the best! I have to be strong! I'm the best, I'm the strongest, and everyone knows it!


Do you get that?! Am I making myself clear?!


If I'm strong, then people will notice me! People will respect me! If I'm strong, then I can finally be someone! This is all me, damn it! I want a reputation! I want notoriety! I need to prove that I am worth something, have fun doing it, and I don't care what anyone thinks as long as they acknowledge me and my power as what it is!


This is my strength! You can’t take my strength away just like that! That’s totally unfair! Do you think I want to be just a nobody that'll amount to nothing in this world!? Do you think I didn't have something to prove?! That's why you let me into the system, right?! Can’t you see that I still have something to prove?!?


Stop it! This isn’t fun anymore! Let me log out! Stop!!


Stupid woman, why couldn’t you keep your promise?! It’s the first week, too! The first week! If you had, then none of this would have happened! We’d still be here, you’d be smart-mouthing at me and spouting off and getting drunk and I’d still be getting ticked off at you!


S-some “villain” you turned out to be……


This...this really is happening, isn't it?.........


No...


...No...


…please…


I-I-I'm too young to di____________


…


…


…


…


…


…


…

HEAVEN’S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:


~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~


COMMAND EXECUTED...

“I don’t like this game…”

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Disclaimer:

Fate/EXTRA is the property of Type-MOON, Kinoko Nasu, Imageepoch, and AKSYS. This is a non-profit fanwork written for entertainment purposes.

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Table of Contents:
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I – First Blood // Premature Failure

II – Second Blood // Old Soldier

III – Third Blood // Bedtime Story

IVa – Fourth Blood {Divergence: A} // Pain of Hunger

IVb – Fourth Blood {Divergence: B} // Blue Moon Dreamer

V – Fifth Blood // Downtrodden Black Scorpion

VIa – Sixth Blood {Divergence: A} // Stargazer

VIb – Sixth Blood {Divergence: B} // The Red Devil

VII – Seventh Blood // Setting Sun

VIII – Last Blood // FINAL

EX - .Another / Taiga-sensei's Great Lesson

[ItsaRandomUsername]

[ II ] – Second Blood // Old Soldier
============================



I see.


So that is how it is, huh? This is how things turn out in the end?


This is my loss, then.


Even though everything around me grows dark, I feel strangely calm and at peace with myself. I find it easy to reminisce on my past, evaluate my life, see if I gave myself meaning and if that ultimately satisfied me…


…is this what they mean by “having your life flash before your eyes,” because I can think of no other way to describe it?


What was the life of Dan Blackmore like?


The life of a soldier…


The life of a knight…


And the life that was before any of that……


It seems as if I could not possibly reconcile any of those identities with conflicting ideologies and priorities of mine in time. And that, is why I lost.


I fought with the intentions of a decorated knight – one who values honor and grace – when I should have approached war with the mind of a soldier, all for the sake of regaining what I had lost those many years ago when I was but a man in love.


Love…


Oh love…


As I look back on it, I realize that what I wanted was to just reclaim the past that I adored so much. It… was just a selfish, petty, trifling little wish. But there was a beauty in that simple wish. At least, that is how I surely thought.


It is nothing to boast about, it is nothing to be proud of, even. Perhaps my wish was disrespectful to the “real” desires of the other participants because of its inelegant simplicity.


But still – I thought there was beauty in it because of that.


In the end, it was not enough. I did not have the drive necessary to see my wish granted; when I lost myself in my stubborn ways I too lost sight of my own goal. I had no desire to change the world. I did not fight for the glory of my lineage. I did not fight for the power to control others. I fought not for a reputation or money or for my country or for the sake of an ideal, nor did I even fight for truths that would allow me to rediscover myself.


I did not devote myself enough.


For my wish…was weak.


Though I had experience, strength means nothing without motivation. I was so steadfast on maintaining a sense of honor throughout this War when it should have been obvious to me that honor of my kind has no place in War. My self handicaps were my own undoing, and they were the reason my pitiful goals came apart at the seams like a worn doll.


Archer, do forgive me for my actions. On the battlefield it is far too easy to forget that soldiers are still human beings with their own methods, their own hopes and dreams. Though you said otherwise at the end, I truly am sorry for what I did to you.


The irony that I have missed the forest for the trees is certainly not lost on me.


But – I still thought that there was beauty in that little wish.


…such is the delusion of an old soldier.


It is quite dark and cold now, but I feel oddly bright and warm in spite of everything.


And what I see before me now…


…is just a simple garden.


…


…


…


…


…


…


…

HEAVEN’S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:


~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~


COMMAND EXECUTED...

“Anne…”

[ItsaRandomUsername]

[ III ] – Third Blood // Bedtime Story
==============================



I feel like crying.


No more…not with Alice, not with anyone else, and not even with you…


We can’t play anymore, can we?


Is that how it is?


Okay…


Still, I wanna know something…


Alice said that you were like Alice. So why…why did you say that you don’t like Alice?


…is it because you don’t like yourself?


…that’s so sad! And I don’t get that at all!


Okay, maybe that’s a lie. Maybe I do kinda get it. Maybe Alice didn’t like Alice either……at least, Mama and Papa didn’t like Alice.


…I think…


I dunno, it’s kinda hard to remember sometimes, you know?


Alice doesn’t understand. But Alice doesn’t have to understand. You wanna know why Alice doesn’t have to understand?


It’s because Alice had fun.


But still, Alice was able to have fun. She had so much fun with Alice. She had so much fun with her other playmates. And in the end, she had the most fun playing with you.


She’s glad that you made it all so fun for her, until the end.


She really, really is glad she got to see you as a friend.


Even though she’s also sad about it, too.


Anyway, it’s time to wake up from the dream, isn’t it? It’s time to wake up now? If this is all just a dream, it’s time for Alice to wake up, right?


Am I going to wake up to nothing, or am I just going to sleep and dream about nothing?


Alice will go to sleep now. Alice will go to sleep for a long time and dream about nothing so that she can wake up to nothing…


That’s right, right?


Still…Alice is still so very happy that you played with her.




…


…


…


…


…


…


…

HEAVEN’S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:


~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~


COMMAND EXECUTED...

“Bye-bye.”

[ItsaRandomUsername]

[ IV ] – Fourth Blood {Divergence: A} // Pain of Hunger
==============================================


HUngRy…


…sO huNGrY…


…So, SO HuNgRY…


…TUmmY HuRts…


I nEEd……JUSt oNe TAstE…


i NEed……jUsT OnE BiTe…


…NeEd FOod…wAnt……foOD………


…ROnNiE HaSN’t fELt thIs WAy foR A LoNg TIMe. NO, noT FoR a vErY lONg tImE. Not SiNcE shE wAs jUSt a lITTe, LittlLE gIRL…


…BAck whEn She uSEd To bE toLD To AlWAys eAt eVErytHIng oN hEr PLAte…


…bECAuse ShE nEvEr KNew whEn shE cOUld eaT AGAin.


AnD tHen……tHE fiGHtiNg stARted.


ThE BoMBs wEnt “WhEeEEeEeee” ANd eVEryone scrEAmEd aNd rAn –––


––– tHe gUNs WEnt “Krackrackrackrac” anD pEOPle fEll dOWn AnD sTOpPed mOVing.


‘WaS alWAys ruNNin’. ‘HAd To eAt aNYThIn' aNd EVerytHIn' tHaT cOUld bE FounD, anythIN' buRIed iN trASHcans oR scroUNgEd frOM tHe stREet Or LoOted fRom An abANDoned stORe, otHeRwiSe starvIN' HApPEns.



‘Always eat your food. Always. Because that might be the last of it…’



ScaRRRRRrrY fOLks diD scaArRRrry thINGs bAck tHEn, thiNgs She cAN’t foRGet. BuT ThEn tHe BiG ArMy cAme, anD thEY wEre BiGGer anD strONger aND sCArier tHan thE OThers, So thE BiG ArMy fiNALLy mADe tHe otHer pEOple gO AWay.


…But nOt beFOre RoNNie brOKe wHEn oNe of tHe BomBs weNt “WhEEeEeEEeeE”.


But thAT wAS oKay, beCAuse dOCTors fiXed RoNNie. TheY RePlaced whAt wAs lOst in RoNNie’S hEad wiTh nEw pArts, ‘cauSe thEy wERe sO nIce aND cARed aboUt EVeryOne who GOt hUrt, incLUDing LiL’ mE – ThEy diD tHat foR aLL fOLks whO WEre hURt.


AftER thAt, RoNNie liVEd mORe beTter tHan she had bEfOre. SoOOo maNy yeARs wEnt bY AfTer that. StrEEts wERre meNDed, hoUses werE buIllt oVer the dEStroyed plACEs, aNd RoNNie and mANny otHers wHo LiVed cOUld LiVe likE noTHin’ eVEr HApPenEd BefOre. We cOuld foRGet iT aLL. In fACt, RoNNie hAd a JOB tHAt sHe REaLLy liKED aS a gOUrmet, aND sHe EVen stARTed heR owN faMIly, liKE oNe of THoSE loVEly onEs thAt yOu sEe oN olD poSTcaRds thAt loOK sOo haPPy toGEther.


WiTh loVe aLL ‘RoUNd hEr, sHE wAs A HaPpy lAdy.


ThEn, onE DaY, evERything chANged. ONe daY shE brOKE aGAin. SoMEtHing goT inTo hEr tHat wASn’t supPosed To Be thERe, (viRUs?... WoRm?... SoUl HaCKEd?... wUZZat?) and it hUrt hER heAd aNd meSSEd uP paRts ANd maDe it aLL wERird.


It wASn’t a voiCe, nOt reaLLy. It wAs aN Urge – it was a tHing thAt Compelled hEr to irreverently, intermittently, irresistibly, inevitably gO dOWn a pATh, aS IF thAT pAth hAd beEn lAid ouT foR heR aT thE vEry stArt anD shE HaD OnlY noW ReAlIzEd––––


––––A path laced with love, hunger, and love. So much love, SOOoOoOooOOo mUCh HuNGERrRrRRrrrRRRr…


BuT it wAs WEird aNd WRong aNd sHe kNEw it wAs bAD. That’s wHy shE reSISTed, hARd as it was. But iT was aAAalLLll fUTILe, beCAUse whEn thAt dAy hAPpeNed – whEn hEr prEecIOUs liTTle bIRdy finALLy diED – sHe gAvE iN tO thE dUAlistic feELings thAt probaBly seRVed aS her Origin of sElf…………


…ShE feASted…


AND SHE LOVED IT.


DEliCIous!! YuMmY!!! tASTy!!!! SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTOUS!!! SO GOOOOOOD!! SAtING LOve aNd hUNger aT ThE sAMe tIMe, iT fELT soOOoOo GoOoOOooD~!


ShE HAd nEVer fELt so sATiSfiEd beFORe. And… if sHe wANted tO knOW sUCh wONDerfUL fuLFILLment aGAin, sHe wOUld havE to Go foR mORE.


ANd More aNd mOre AnD moRe aND morE AnD MOre And mORe aNd moRE aND morE AnD mOooOOorrRrrRe.


fIRst – BIrdy! ThEn – bABy! AnD tHen MoMmy aNd TheN DaDDy!-!!-!!!-!!-!!!-!


StiLL SO MuCh lOVe To gIVe, sTIll So much YUmMiNesS To saMPle~


ThAt wAs wHEn RoNnIe BeCAme RoNNIe.


……And nOw, Lil’ RONnie wIll DiE huNgRy.



…


…


…


…


…


…


…

HEAVEN’S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:


~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~


COMMAND EXECUTED...

“I’m starving…”

[ItsaRandomUsername]

[ IV ] – Fourth Blood {Divergence: B} // Blue Moon Dreamer
=================================================



My god…


Why have you forsaken me?


Why here; in this lunar, digital Animal Realm? Why now of all times, even though we have already dealt blows of righteous enlightenment against those three poor fools who were complacently unaware of your glory until they drew their last breaths when we showed them the truth? Not when I have yet to hear your gorgeous voice!


How could we falter so?


We have not done nearly enough yet! Everyone has yet to find out about your beautiful, sacred truths! Of something that anyone can believe in, because there is no need to needlessly believe - a religion without faith!


…Faith…


Faith is worthless. What is the good of a conventional faith if what one believes in turns out to be just a lie?


An apathetic God; a malevolent God; a non-existent God; resurrection into a life that will only get to experience the despair of living in this world; a pointless force of divine otherness compromised of nothing but ideals, make-believe and broken promises that is unable to help those in the here and now and can only revel in the achievements of those who came before……………what is the point of devoting yourself to something like that? Something that cannot help and only offer false peace of mind?


…Who wants a lie like that?


One would be no better off at this rate than to just pray for swift, widespread annihilation so that they can find peace in the equality that mutual death grants. But then, what would one pray to for such a wish if there is nothing to listen?


As a young monk, the state of this world thoroughly repulsed me, so much so that my old beliefs were shattered. It repulsed me because I could not understand. I asked one question, only one question, and none could answer it for me:


“What can we do about this?”


None could give me a definitive answer, something real that I desired so badly. None could offer a satisfactory solution to the problem at hand – the stifling stasis and brutal war – that afflicted Mankind. I…was unsurprised. Even at such a young age, I was so broken and disillusioned that I knew that I should not have expected better from the elders. For if the world was fallen into such a state, then organized religions somehow were even more appallingly far gone.


The embezzlers and the bigots; the corrupt and the child rapists; the murderers and the martyrs; the apathetic and ignorant – Such is the detestable path that the clergy of many, many religions had wandered down in these trying times. But for all of their crimes, the one they were the most guilty of was…worthlessness.


Not a true solution was in sight.


As a man of the cloth, I could not sit idly by while the world slipped further and further down that path of destruction it was on.


Something had to be done.


With nothing but the clothes on my back and the beads ‘round my neck I wandered the stifling, despairing world for so long, oftentimes doing some aimlessly, constantly searching for answers. I sought salvation for all, and for that I wandered for so, so long.


Priests, shamans, monks, oracles, scholars, rabbis, mujtahid, medicine men, heretics, heathens, whores even…everything they told me was worthless.


Christianity had nothing. Islam had nothing. Hinduism had nothing. Taoism had nothing. Long-dead old world paganism of the Greeks, Norse, Persians and what-have-you was as useless and antiquated as it always was. Sacred texts from all eras penned by many authors had nothing. Even my original, native Buddhism – and all of its deviations – that I had turned my back on offered little in regards to the aid of the solving of these grave problems that plague Mankind.


Perhaps the reason that none could solve the problem…was simply because nothing could be done.


But I refused to believe that.


That is why I heeded the call of the Moon – despite all of my disappointment and dissatisfaction, I still harbored hopes that it could guide my wayward soul and provide me the truth that I so desperately longed for.


That was when you were gifted unto me by that all-seeing, all-knowing eye in the sky.


You stood before me; with your ferocious, imposing beauty, with your luscious golden hair that shone like the rays of enlightenment that I craved so much, glaring at me with an indifferent loyalty in your demonic Mystic Eyes that compelled me to understand the suffering of an adult and the fear of a child the moment I meet their fearsome gaze.


When I first laid my eyes on you, I was terrified.


…and it was the most wonderful feeling that I had ever known!


For that feeling was the fear I had been looking for all along – the fear of God.


Because you were no concept. You were not an angel, you were not a cherubim, not a succubus, not a zabaniya, nor djinni, or even a daemon.


You were something much more than any of that:


You were real.


I could not help myself. I was overjoyed, so gleeful that I lost myself in my devotion to you. I became completely enthralled with you. I was wholly enamored with your presence, transfixed by your very existence and all that it implied. I was again a bright-eyed young boy, seeing the world for the first time. I was head over heels in love with everything about you. I loved you the way that a man could love his wife, I loved you the way a man could love God.


I felt reinvigorated. For I had found the truth! I had found the truth that the world needed to believe in! I had found the force that would guide the world to salvation and peace and prosperity!


How could I not want to preach your awesome ways? You were not like the rest. You were an avatar. An avatar of what, I did not know, but that mattered not. You were not like the rest of those ethereal, helpless beliefs - you were something tangible and here, you were like a very force of nature, a phenomenon to be known and feared that could destroy or bless anything as you saw fit with naught but a rending slash of your divine talons or the gentleness of your holy touch. Your destructiveness sent shivers of joy racing down my spine and made my feelings of piousness skyrocket.


This feeling of mine had to be shared. All I needed was the power of the Moon to make my – our – dreams a reality, and a new age would usher itself in with me as the savior of Mankind, for I had found the answer!


Indeed, our fateful encounter transformed me into a new Bodhisattva.


Yes-


-I became Buddha-


-And you, my Mahabodhi Tree.


Don’t you see? Before all of this, I had nothing. I had given up on the salvation of Man. I had just about resigned my fellows whom I loved so dearly to our cruel inevitable fates. I had given up on the very notion of faith itself.


Then… I found you, my beautiful True Ancestor. I found you and your perfect truth. You made me believe again.


Now – in the end – there is nothing once more.



…


…


…


…


…


…


…

HEAVEN’S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:


~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~


COMMAND EXECUTED...

“……Were you just a lie, too……?”

[pureauthor]

Ooh, very nicely done so far.

I'm looking forward to the others, the 2nd and the 7th most of all.

[Burnout]

Yep, this was a pretty fun read; Very much in-character, too, and particularly poignant- Given that I'm currently playing through Fate/Extra, myself. I think I liked the enemy Archer best, out of all the Servants, though.

[Alulim]

...interesting. I...cannot say any more than that.

[ItsaRandomUsername]

Thank you all. I'm pleased that you've enjoyed my little tributes to the doomed characters of Fate/EXTRA so far. This is just a little project of mine that I'm doing to help me get back into my writing groove (which I've been starkly absent from for far too long due to issues in RL and what-not) but it's also something that I've really wanted to do as well.


Also, for maximum atmosphere, I recommend that you listen to either this or this as background music while reading.

Your choice.

[Spinach]

The Gatou Monji one... was really good, IRUn. I really, really enjoyed that.

[Sherrinford]

First I'll (try to) play Fate/Extra, and then I'll surely read them, IRUN.

[Ergast]

I haven't said anything here yet because I wanted to let IRUn reserve every post he needed, but seeing that is now a moot point... Well done IRUn! I still have to play through Rani's route (I just finished Rin's one) but I liked the Gotou one.

Also, poor Shinji T_T.

[ItsaRandomUsername]

[ V ] – Fifth Blood // Downtrodden Black Scorpion
========================================


No.


No.


No…


No!


NO!!!


No, no, no, no, no, no, nonononononononononononnonononononononoNOOOOOOO!!!


Not yet. Don't want to die now.


Not yet. Don't want to die now.


Not yet… Don't want to die now...


Not yet! Don't want to die now!


NOT YET!!! DON'T WANT TO DIE NOW!!!



Because...



Mother.


Promise.


Harways.


Mother.

I don't want to die.

Promise.


Harways.


Mother.


Promise.

I don't want to die!!

Harways.


Mother.


Promise.


Harways.

I don't want to die!-!-!-!

Promise.


Mother.


Promise.


Mother.

I can't die just yet.

Promise.


Mother.


Mother.


Mother.


Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mother

Mmmmmooooooottttttttthhhhhhheeeeeeerrrr......




...Leonard...

...Brother...

...Promise.




Remember it.


Remember your purpose.


Remember your reason.


Remember...duty...


My...duty...


My......promise...


Provide support, work from the shadows.

Kill those who are rivals.

Clear a path for a Harway victory.

Kill those who obstruct the chances of winning.

Clear a path for Leonard's victory.


Clear a path so that you can die at Leonard's hand on his way to victory.

Kill the enemy magi.

Kill for Leo's sake so that you can die for Leo's sake.

Kill all the enemy magi.

For the glory of the Harway dynasty, for the continued existence of the utopia under the wing of the Harway plutocracy, I must

Kill THEM.

That's why...I'm not done yet.


Not…


Not done…


Not done yet…


I’m not done yet!


A single loss like this isn't enough to stop me. It isn't enough to cause me to break that promise that I made to Mother back when I was young.


I don't break promises...oh no.


- Fading to black -

- consuming darkness -

- cold shadows -

- removing me -

- getting eaten alive by the system -

- prepping me for the end -

- I lost -

- I must die -

- It's the rules -

- Rules must be followed -


...


...


...


...


Not unless I break them in order to win.



"@#__%$*#*@[email protected][email protected]*!&%---*%&$%@____~+S_=-_____*#&*#^@!!!!!!!"



That hurts! That hurts! That hurts! That hurtS! That hurts! That hurts! THAAAAAAT HUUUURRRTTTSSSSSsssss!


The Moon Cell is soooooo realistic – I’m just Codecasting on myself to take apart the ones and zeroes that compose the data of my digital soul, but it feels as if I’m actually ripping my own arm off. It's almost as if my blood is actually dripping out of my own socket.


This doesn’t hurt. Oh no, oh no, this doesn't hurt at all. Not one bit. Not one bit. No, it doesn't hurt.


It.
Doesn't.
Hurt.
At.
All.


...nope.


Yes. I have been stripped of what makes ME a Master. But you know what? That's not enough to stop me, oh nononono. It's not enough to stop me from serving my purpose. I was a Master, but that doesn't matter...

All it takes is a liiiiittle bit of the Harway-brand spiritual hacking, tinker just a liiiiiittle with my half-dead avatar, aaaaaannnnndddd.......


"GRRR$#%]%D----RR<RA$^#&^#---AAUUUUG*&@$&>":?%--$&@#[email protected]@[D*&!____-<---{}{}UUGGHH!!!!-!!!-!!-!-!!-!!!"


IT HURTS EVEN WORSE!!!! RIPPING APART SOUL DATA IS BAD, BUT PUTTING IT BACK TOGETHER IN A WAY IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURTS EVEN WOOOOOORRRRRSSSSEEE!!!!!!!


- Fading to black -

- consuming darkness -

- cold shadows -

- removing me -

- getting eaten alive by the system -

- prepping me for the end -

- I lost -

- I must die -

- It's the rules -

- Rules must be followed -

...right, Assassin?

…


…


…


…


…


…


…

PROCESSING ERROR

APPLICATION FAILED: FILE CORRUPTED, UNABLE TO DELETE

“Still…alive…I’m still…alive…and waiting……waiting and watching you…”

[Spinach]

Ooo

I was actually expecting Julius' to be set after his second defeat, where he's got some peace of mind.

[ItsaRandomUsername]

I originally thought about doing that, but then I thought to myself "You know what? It'd be a lot more fun to write batshit crazy Julius instead!"

So I did.

And in other news, I'm tackling Dan's now while I'm in the mood.

[Spinach]

It'd be super cool if you did both. :3

Daaaaaan Blaaaaaackmooooore!

[Alulim]

That was...nice.

[Satehi]

That was...nice.

This.

They were really enjoyable to read.

[Fangstrike]

Darn you, Irun. Why must you be so good and cruel. I got misty-eyed after reading Alice's segment. Poor poor Caster.

[ItsaRandomUsername]

Updated Second Blood, BTW.