Title: Schrödingers Sisters
Summary: Fate is a whimsical thing, and the tiniest of choices often shape our future. When Rin is sent to the Matou while Sakura remains as the next Tohsaka head, the story of the Fifth Holy Grail War, its Masters and their Servants changes drastically, as a new tale is woven by the actions of both sisters.
Index:
- Prologue A
- Prologue B
- Chapter 1
Author's Notes: Hello and welcome to my fanfic. This is my first story in the Type-Moon community, and as such I would like to take the opporunity to invite anyone who is willing to leave their comments and complaints in this thread to do so. If you ever feel anything could be better, whether it be the grammar, the pacing, the characters or the narration, please don't hesitate to bring it up. I want this story to be as good as possible, and to that end everyone's contribution will be appreciated.
The premise of the story is simple: a role switch between Rin and Sakura. It is an idea I am honestly surpised no one has tried using before (If someone has, then fuck me, I must have missed it) since it brings many interesting changes to the original story. One of them, of course, being how both Rin and Sakura react and adapt to their different lifestyles in this alternate universe. Beware though, that as such both of them will be heavily OOC. I will try my best to explain throughout the story why and how these changes happen, but if anyone ever has a question, don't hesitate to ask.
Finally, before we begin, a couple points. This story will have two prologues, the first detailing Rin's life while growing up as a Matou with the second focusing on Sakura. These will be used entirely for Character Building so don't expect any of the action we all love from the Grail War until the 1st proper chapter.
Rin's Prologue is full of nasty stuff, so please beware of:
- Physical, emotional, sexual and psychological abuse of a minor.
- Rape.
- A very different Rin from the one we know and love.
- A very different Shinji from the one we know and hate.
- Massive amounts of angst.
- Zouken...I don't need to say anything else.
If you are not bothered by anything of the above, then please go ahead and read. This isn't a lemon of any kind, so the actual sexual acts will only be mentioned. And if you went ahead and skipped my Notes out of laziness, then fuck you.
Without further ado, let us begin. Please enjoy, read and review.
*****
Prologue A:Crooked Sakura Tree
Fate, in the eyes of one Zelretch Schweinorg, was a funny thing. Which was good for him since his prime pastime consisted of looking around the various fates that composed the multiverse and enjoying those that caught his attention. The reason he found it so funny was that ‘fate’, while carrying a heavy weight in its meaning, was quite frail and malleable. As he had often found during his life: history was shaped not by the victors, nor by the gods, but by the smallest, seemingly most insignificant of choices. Choices that often went by ignored and unnoticed.
Sadly, however, not many shared the same view as the Sorcerer of the Second True Magic (which, in his opinion, was what made him so awesome). Within Zelretch’s universe of origin, in fact, it had been believed for millennia that history was straight as a rod, that the future was set in stone, and that fate was decided by forces outside human control; a philosophy the Wizard Marshall absolutely abhorred. In fact, had such reasoning actually been correct, he would have simply allowed the Crimson Moon to kill him if it meant sparing himself the boredom.
Thankfully, humanity came to its senses when a man of science decided to put a cat inside a box in order to illustrate a more flexible aspect of quantum mechanics. In the spirit of such an experiment, Zelretch often found himself applying it metaphorically to most; both mundane and unusual; choices made during the many, many lifetimes he witnessed. Making choices, and lacking complete certainty of their results until the consequences actually occurred, was how fate was shaped.
A perfect example of this reasoning could be made out of the situation of one Tohsaka Tokiomi. Descendant from Nagato, one of Zelretch’s followers, his family had pursued through five generations what had been the task left by the Sorcerer as thanks for paying his hotel bill. In fewer words: Zelretch’s Jewel Sword, a Mystic Code capable of Multi-Dimensional Refraction Phenomena and composed by the basic mechanics of the Second Magic.
Like all true Magicians, Tokiomi sought to reach the Swirl of Origin: Akasha, and shared his family’s belief that the answer laid in understanding the Second True Magic: Kaleidoscope. But such a goal took many generations to accomplish, and while Tokiomi himself was currently preparing for an actual opportunity at succeeding in his quest, the need for a successor was undisputable.
As a father of two daughters Tokiomi was expected to choose one as his heir and forsake the other to a life of obliviousness about the existence of magic. However, both Sakura (the youngest) and Rin (the oldest) were very promising girls with great potential, a potential that acted as a two-edged sword. One of his daughters would become the Sixth Matriarch of the family and a stupendous Magus, while the second would go ignorant and unprepared, exposing herself to the risk of becoming the experiment of those who possessed the knowledge. And while his limited world-view gave Tokiomi several flaws, one thing that was true about him was that (in his own way) he cared for both his daughters.
Which was what made his current situation so hard.
Matou Zouken was a man towards whom Tokiomi felt only the highest respect. While belonging to one of the rival families, Zouken had been one of the founders of the Holy Grail System, and that alone was worthy of admiration. However, the man had gone a step beyond, dedicating his entire life to the practice of the Art. Even when his efforts had gone rewarded solely by a decaying bloodline and unworthy heirs, the old man had persevered and extended his lifetime in order to keep leadership of the Matou in hopes that, one day, an heir appeared to whom he could trust his family’s secrets and future.
As such he had offered Tokiomi the possibility of adopting one of his daughters into the Matou family and making her the next head, granting her both a bright future and protection from dangerous Magi. The Tohsaka Patriarch didn’t even need to think about it, seeing this offer as a blessing from heaven itself. What he did need to think about, however, was which daughter to give.
Originally he had thought giving Sakura away was the best decision. While possessing as much potential as her older sister, Tokiomi’s youngest was shy and soft-spoken, often depending on her older sister to make the decisions and take leadership. Rin, on the other hand, already displayed several of the attributes a proper Magus needed: proactivity, confidence and determination. From the two, Sakura would benefit the most from the experience.
However he had been having recent second thoughts. Rin was an Average One, possessing the 5 Elements as her Affinity, and would undoubtedly use them to make leaps and bounds in the search of the Tohsaka, not to mention the contributions she would add to their Magic Crest. But on the other hand, Sakura possessed the very rare Imaginary Numbers Affinity, the first one in their entire family history. Whatever her contributions, Tokiomi held no doubt they would all be unique. And furthermore came the issue of the Root; didn’t his youngest’s Element dwelled into the same plane in which the Akashic Records existed?
In the end, it came down to which of his daughters would benefit the most. Sakura needed the help to become a proper Magus, but Rin… his oldest was already on her way to that goal; a bit of guidance was all she needed. But then, wouldn’t it make sense for him to keep Sakura then? It was she who needed his guidance, she who was still unprepared. Rin would succeed as the head of either family, but it was Sakura who he couldn’t be sure would fly and not fall.
There was also the Matou’s Affinity to consider. Sakura didn’t possess any of the 5 main Elements and would have to go through a long and painful process in order to grant her the Water Affinity of the Matou family. But Rin already possessed that Element; all that would be needed would be to establish it as the dominant one, with the other four as auxiliaries. That would leave him able to personally guide Sakura through the steps to apply her unique Affinity to the Tohsaka Gemcraft; and should he fall in the nearing war, Kirie could take his place. He already had high regards for the young man.
Pouring himself a glass of wine, alone within his workshop, the 5th Head of the Tohsaka family made his decision. Rin would be great wherever she went, and under his guidance, so would Sakura. Even if he lost the Holy Grail War, even if he died before opening a path to the Root, his legacy would effectively span through two bloodlines. Even if the Tohsaka as a family failed to accomplish their goal… their will would live through the Matou’s, through Rin’s.
Satisfied with his answer, Tokiomi took a sip from the glass. He would speak with Aoi come morning.
*****Her little sister stood in the doorway, trying and failing to contain the tears gathering in her eyes, Rin shaking her head in resignation. Honestly, Sakura could be such a baby sometimes.
But Rin could hardly blame her sister. Tou-san’s decision had taken them all by surprise and a certain measure of time had been needed to come to terms with it. For the past few weeks Rin had endured through countless tears from both Kaa-san and Sakura and their need to spend as much time with her as possible before she was sent away. But even that much had not been enough to calm down her sister, and now, mere meters away from the car that would drive Rin to her new home, Sakura looked ready to break down crying in front of her; and that couldn’t be allowed to happen. Despite what her calm demeanor seemed to suggest, moving away was really hard for Rin, and she honestly didn’t need Sakura making it even harder.
Knowing what needed to be said, she addressed her little sister who wouldn’t be her sister for much longer. “Sakura.”
The girl, previously finding her shoes to be a much more bearable sight, looked up. “Nee-san.” She called back, tears already gathering at a faster pace.
“I am going to be a Matou from now on. That means our family is your responsibility now, understood? You have to listen to what Tou-san tells you and take care of Kaa-san for me, okay?” Sakura nodded. “And that means you can’t allow yourself to cry anymore. You have to be strong. Do you understand, Sakura?”
Her sister nodded again, fighting the sobs rising up her throat. “I know Nee-san, I know. It’s just that…” Rin remained silent, patiently waiting for her sister to continue. “…it’s so sad, Nee-san. Why do you have to leave?” Her voice was cracking while a few tears began rolling down her cheek.
“You already know why Sakura. Tou-san told us, remember?”
“I do, and I am sorry, Nee-san. It’s because of me! *Hic* If I hadn’t become the heir you wouldn’t have to…you wouldn’t need to-!” Sakura couldn’t even finish the sentence, ready to let the tears flow at any moment.
Rin shook her head. “Don’t be silly Sakura. If it hadn’t been me it would have been you. There can only be one Head. You know that.”
“I know Nee-san, I am sorry. I’m sorry…*sob*…I’m sorry…!”
Rin sighed. Sakura could really be such a dummy. “Sakura.” She called, and once again the girl met her eyes. “Come here.”
She took a step and embraced her sister’s head, holding it to her chest. “-Nee-san…!” Tenderly, she patted her little sister’s head as she cried.
“Hey, Sakura, can you hear it?” Rin asked while guiding the girl’s ear to where her heart was.
Sakura went silent, listening, for several second. “Nee-san.” She said with a trace of surprise. “It’s beating so fast…”
Rin’s heart felt like it had run a marathon, and had been like that since dinner yesterday. In fact, the girl had barely gotten any sleep last night. “I am sad too, Sakura, and afraid. I don’t want to leave either.” Sakura opened her mouth, most likely to apologize again, but Rin didn’t let her speak. “But I can’t let myself cry. Do you know why?” Sakura shook her head. “Because I will be a Magus like Tou-san, and become my family’s Matriarch one day. People will depend on me, and I can’t let them down. So even if it’s scary…” She gave her little sister the brightest smile she had. “I must be brave, no matter what.”
Sakura wasn’t able to hold them back any longer, and buried herself in her sister’s embrace as she let her heart cry out.
They stood like that for what seemed like hours, and little by little Sakura’s shakes grew softer and her sobs quieter, all the while being comforted by Rin’s small arms. Finally, finding the strength she needed, she tore herself away from her sister and took a step back. Wiping off the tears with her sleeves, Sakura found her voice once more. “I understand, Nee-san. I promise to not cry anymore, and to do my best to make you and Tou-san and Kaa-san proud of me.”
“Silly Sakura.” Rin answered with a small smile as she patted her head. “Mages practice magic for themselves, so don’t forget to make yourself proud too, okay?”
Sakura nodded, and suddenly Rin thought of something to make the girl a bit less sad. “Here Sakura…take this.” She untied one of her ribbons, allowing one of her twin tails to come undone, and walked up to her sister. Carefully, she tied the red ribbon around Sakura’s hair as a gift, signaling a change in its ownership.
Sakura slowly raised her hand to touch the ribbon, her eyes wide. “Nee-san…” She whispered.
“I won’t be a Tohsaka anymore. But even if I am no longer your sister, I will always be with you. So while you keep that ribbon, I will keep this one. That way we will always remember our bond.” She took Sakura’s chin and moved it so that their eyes met. “So don’t feel lonely anymore, alright?” She finished with a bright smile.
Because even if they would no longer be family, Rin was still the oldest. And it was her duty to act cool in front of her little sister, wasn’t it?
“Nee-san…!” Her newly found resolve shaken, Sakura threw herself at Rin again and embraced her sister with all the force she had, suddenly realizing there was more crying to be done.
Rin just smiled and rolled her eyes as she patted her sister’s back, hiding her own tears.
Because honestly, Sakura could be such a baby sometimes.
*****
It would have been correct to call it a dark and cold room; that is, had it been a room at all. A room was a space a human could possess, occupy and even use at his leisure. But the owner of this space was not human; had not been human for centuries already. It would be more fitting to call it a chamber, a tomb, or even a nest. No light shone within it, no breeze flowed inside, and the air was constantly humid and stagnant. The stench of rotten flesh would reach the nose of any visitor the moment the door was opened, and in its deepest levels; between the gaps and cracks and inside the corpses of people long past; lived the tenants of the nest.
It was inside this place, among the hundreds upon hundreds of writhing, slimy worms and maggots, that Matou Rin grit her teeth.
She had known it would be painful. Never had the naïve thought of easy magic ever crossed Rin’s mind. It was the first thing Tou-san (no longer her Tou-san, not anymore) had thought her, the first rule of all Magi: ‘To walk with magic is to walk with death’. Nothing ever came free, and all those who dedicated their lives to the Art paid a heavy price for their knowledge. This was doubly true for her, whose body had to be adapted to be able to practice the Matou Magecraft. Rin had known all of this, yet couldn’t help but want to cry.
It had happened so fast, no warning whatsoever. The ride to the mansion had been short and in silence, the blue-haired man she had thought was Zouken refusing to even look at her direction. Upon reaching the house she had met both a kid (her brother?) whose name she hadn’t had time to get, and the genuine Patriarch of the Matou. With only the briefest of introductions (not a welcome, why would they need to welcome her?) he had led her to this…this pit and thrown her into the mass of worms without a word. Her clothes were torn (the ribbon! God, the ribbon she had promised to keep…!), her body invaded, her flesh cut and ripped and torn and chewed chewed chew chew chew.
She had screamed, at first. The suddenness of it all, the pain the likes of which she had never felt before, had triggered a basic instinct; the act of screaming to call for help. But no help came, no one but Zouken (her grandfather, her new grandfather, now and ever) had heard her and his sole reaction was to keep looking at her with an analyzing gaze. The worms didn’t stop, the pain didn’t end, and amidst her crying mind that refused to pass out, Rin understood this wasn’t going to end soon; perhaps even never.
This was the price she had to pay, the raw suffering she had to go through in order to earn her magic. And no amount of tears would ever change that.
So she had ceased her screams and dived right into the pain.
Rin’s path was set. She couldn’t go back; no matter how much she wanted to, no matter that she was willing to abandon magic if only she could see her family (no longer her family, no more. No more Tou-san no more Kaa-san no more SakuraSakurasakura) again. She couldn’t run; had nowhere to go, nothing else she had but the Matou. And if she refused to walk down this path, she would be pushed forwards. One way or another it would be the same. In the end, it came down to two options (but not choices, she had no choices).
She could scream and cry and be forced to learn magic, or she could embrace this heritage (her heritage) and be willing to learn magic. If she was to become Zouken’s heir, then she would do so out of her own free will. It would become her way to fight back against the pain: to take all the expectations of this old (ancient) Magus (parasite) and thoroughly dash them.
And so she waited, and endured, and growled as the worms swarmed around her, through her (through places no 7 year-old should have been aware of), as their little fangs ate away her body (morphing it, changing it, changing her).
Matou Rin would not bend, ever. She would walk straight, with pride, as the heir of this family. It was a pity, then, that had she known the whole reality of her position, she wouldn’t have held the tears back.
*****
Matou Kariya had come to hate the sun, and pretty much any source of light for that matter. Not by personal choice mind you, but after one whole year being hastily turned into a bug nest; stuck in the dark halls of the manor at the mercy of his dear father; his senses were easily overwhelmed by even the smallest of light sources. Besides, he couldn’t help but feel as if the sun shined in a sort of mockery towards him; reminding him of past sunny days in the park when now his life was nothing but pain and hell.
Which was why Kariya contained his wince as he opened the door to Rin’s bedroom; somehow he always found the strength to put on a brave face in front of her.
Said girl sat by the corner, head bowed and arms hugging her knees. Her bedroom was filled with the dozens of lamps she had taken from all over the manor, using them to dispel even the tiniest shadows from her room; as if to keep the darkness away (as if to keep him away). And Kariya couldn’t really blame her. He had tried his hardest to endure the torture along with her, to hold her hand through the pain, but the old worm had different training sessions laid out for the two of them and taking them simultaneously was a hard task to accomplish.
Looking at her one would never think she had once been the bright and cheerful (if somewhat stubborn) girl Kariya had always loved as a daughter. But the sad truth was that for the past year Tohsaka Rin had changed. No longer was her hair the same darkish brown color he was used to; her eyes now the color of plums instead of Aoi’s; and once again Kariya found himself cursing Tokiomi with every colorful metaphor that had ever been conceived by the human mind.
When he had found her one year ago, still shaken by Aoi’s news, Kariya had been relieved to find the same little girl he remembered. Hurt and bruised, yes, but still stubbornly clinging to her duty, still her, still Rin. He had made the agreement with Zouken without a second thought and joined her in the pain. He had thought that, if he was there for her, then he would at least be able to protect her remaining strength.
What a naïve fantasy that had been.
Shamefully, he still remembered how he had failed to understand Rin; failed to once again comprehend magic. Rin had endured, yes, but only because she had believed that her suffering had a purpose, that it was necessary for her to be made the next head. Zouken had kindly dispelled her of such illusions.
A few weeks into their training the old worm had mentioned how impressed he was at Rin’s resilience, and asked how she managed at such a young age (almost as if he wasn’t the source of her pain, the vermin!). Rin had simply stated; in that firm, dignified voice of hers that she had no doubt copied from Tokiomi; that it was expected of her as the Matou heir and future head of the family. Zouken, for his part, had laughed.
He had then proceeded to explain to her that she was not, in fact, really the heir. Yes, she would inherit the secrets of the family, and yes, she would ensure the family’s future, but she would do so at Zouken’s behest and no one else’s; not even her own. She was not a pupil; she was a womb from where the Matou family would once again regain its strength. And the position of head was, and would always be, Zouken’s. Rin’s role, then, was simply to inherit the family magic; not through her soul, but through her body.
Needless to say Rin had not accepted such a ridiculous explanation. Magecraft was a lifelong search for the Root that took many generations to complete. Thus it was necessary for the families to store their knowledge into a Crest and pass it down to their children and so forth. For Zouken to ignore that went against everything the very concept a Crest encompassed. But it was then that she had learned the truth and had understood why Kariya had rejected his duties and his heritage: the Matou Crest was not a symbol of hope for the future of the family, but Zouken’s personal brand of slavery.
Matou magi were not scholars, they were puppets.
On the days that followed Kariya was forced to watch as what little remained of Rin’s strength vanished. She refused to give up of course; continued to pretend she was being trained as the coming matriarch (continued to behave as if she was being taught anything at all). Her own little manner of resistance, her personal rebellion towards Zouken. But in the end, the inevitable happened.
Matou Rin couldn’t defeat Matou Zouken. That was a basic, undeniable truth.
Maybe if her suffering had involved a goal, a higher purpose to justify it, some sort of ending or reason or anything to make it logical (to make it something other than senseless pain), then perhaps Rin would have endured it.
Or maybe if Rin had given up from the beginning; if she had submitted to her fate without a fight; she would have been able to keep going. If she had closed her heart, sealed it so that nothing (happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow) could enter, then perhaps she would have been able to make it hurt a little less. But it had not been so. Rin had refused to bend, and when the weight of three hundred years of decay had been too much for her 7 year-old body to bear, she broke.
Now all that remained was a wreck of her former self; a broken girl that was terrified of the dark, of the cold, of the pain, and screamed when she was carried into the depths of the house every night. Whatever free time she had Rin spent in her room curled up in the corner, trembling, arranging and rearranging the lamps over and over to scare away the shadows. Kariya was the only reason she ate at all; the only one that could convince her to take a bath; and he was afraid that without him what little remained of her frail sanity would be gone.
“One more reason to not fail, then. I have one more reason to make Tokiomi pay!” But Kariya swallowed his rage and straightened himself. It wouldn’t do to show how tired he was to her, even if it was obvious on his deformed face. Starting tonight he would go to war, meaning he wouldn’t be around to support Rin as he would have liked. The best he could do was make sure she would endure until he came back and win as fast as possible. Anything else was unacceptable.
“Rin” He called, hiding the pain he felt when her head snapped up and her blood-shot eyes locked with his. Somewhere along the way he had dropped the ‘chan’ from her name.
“Kariya-ojisan!” She called back, standing and running to hug him, gripping his hood like a lifesaver. It was a testament of Kariya’s weakness that her little arms were enough to cause him pain, but like all else he hid it behind a smile.
“I have come to say good-bye Rin. I will be going for a while.” He said as he patted her purple locks, feeling as her head shook in panic.
“No! Don’t leave Kariya-ojisan! Don’t! Please! Please!”
Hearing her pleas, Kariya almost gave in to the idea. It had often popped in his mind this last year, particularly when he was stuck in some dark cell being fed to a blanket of worms. Give up, become Zouken’s little worm snack and stay with Rin for however long he could. It was the sort of tempting thought that inevitably came to him during his tortures.
But that wouldn’t save Rin, nor give Sakura her sister back, nor make Aoi stop pretending to be okay with her husband’s decision. The only future left for this girl demanded the blood of six mages and Kariya obtaining the Holy Grail. Nothing less.
Kneeling to be at eye level with the girl, Kariya softly wiped off her tears. “I am sorry Rin, but I must. It’s the only way that old worm will let you go.”
This caught the girl by surprise. “Let…*hic*…let me go?”
“Yes. If I bring Zouken something he really wants he will no longer need an heir, and he will agree to let you return to your family.”
The hope that shone in her eyes then, and the raw despair that clouded it, made Kariya’s heart break a bit more. “Oji….ojiisan said that…that I should just forget they ever existed. That I’m a Matou now-”
“Don’t listen to him!” Kariya said with a little more force than he would have liked. Gently, he held her shoulders. “All that Zouken wants is for you to obey him, that’s why he says those things. But you must not listen to them. When this is all over, we will leave and go back to the park with your mother and Sakura-chan.”
“Really? Kariya-ojisan, really!?” Now Rin’s pleas were not for him to stay, but for him to keep reassuring her. Kariya realized that even if he had been lying, she would have just asked him to keep lying to her. That, above all else, sealed his determination.
“Really.” He declared as he enveloped her tiny, frail body into a hug. “I promise Rin. I will win and make that old worm let you go. And then we will see your family again, and go to the park, and eat ice-cream together like the old times. I promise.”
“But…but what about Tou-?” She stopped herself, doubt heavy in her voice even as her hands gripped Kariya’s back for dear life. “…what about Tohsaka-san? He…he will not want me-.”
“I will speak with Tokiomi.” He said, holding her even tighter, trying to hold his rage in front of Rin. “Is this what you wanted, Tokiomi? What your magic means to you? That even your own daughter can’t be sure you want her at all!?” Instead, he said: “I will make him see his mistake in sending you away. He won’t turn you away; I won’t let him, Rin, I won’t.”
“And neither will Aoi-san.” He had wanted to add, but the sad truth was that he couldn’t be sure. Not after their last talk at the park.
Rin stayed quiet after that, silent tears streaming down her face as she clung to her uncle, afraid she would see him for the last time. And Kariya couldn’t be certain that wouldn’t be the case.
“…okay.” She said after many minutes. “I will wait for you, Kariya-ojisan.”
“It will only be a few days; a week or two at the most. You have to be strong until then and wait for me, okay Rin? You have already done so for a year; it’s just a few days left now.”
Holding back his own tears, Kariya felt her head nod in agreement. “I will, Kariya-ojisan, I promise. I will wait.” She repeated, over and over, trying to convince herself. “I promise…”
With nothing else to say, he held her tight one last time before letting go. “Good-bye Rin. See you soon.”
Rin nodded, her tears still flowing “Bye bye, Kariya-ojisan.” She said as Kariya turned and walked towards the basement, towards Zouken and his future Servant. Further down the hallway, he heard her whisper. “…bye bye…”
Matou Kariya couldn’t lose; he wouldn’t lose. Or so he kept telling himself, over and over, forcing his decaying body to continue moving. He had to believe that there was hope. Even if there wasn’t any, he had to keep lying to himself. Keep believing there was a future where Rin could smile again.
Matou Kariya had to keep deluding himself into feeling hope. Otherwise he, too, would break.
*****
Rin kept her promise through the days that followed. She endured the training Zouken brought upon her, made sure to bath and eat and sleep (everything her uncle always made her do), and went out of her room much more often than before; and considering that before she never went out of her room at all, it was a huge improvement.
She still did nothing but walk though. She wasn’t allowed out of the house (even the garden was off-limits) and while there were many rooms to explore, none of them contained anything a little girl would come to find entertaining. The only room she remained inside for more than a minute was the library, but either the books were too high for her to reach or were too complicated for her to understand.
But in the end, it all paid off. Her patience was rewarded when, on her way down to the training chamber, her uncle appeared from the shadows and grabbed her arm. Startled as she was though, Rin did not miss the smile on the man’s face and immediately felt safe.
“Rin…” Kariya whispered in a low, tired voice. “What a…relief. I’m so glad…I could make it back…here.” He was breathing heavily, obviously exhausted. His body was even worse than before, with several fists of hair missing and burns all over his scarred face. Rin did not miss how the man before her wasn’t all that different from the monsters inside the stories her mother used to tell her.
But Rin no longer had a mother; no longer had anyone to tell her stories; and she had seen what real monsters were. This was Matou Kariya, her uncle, and she had never been happier to see him. Without thinking she clung to him in a hug, finally allowing the endurance she had kept up for the last days to rest and vanish.
“Kariya-ojisan! You came back, right!? You really did, didn’t you!?” It wouldn’t be the first time Rin had dreamt he (or her father or her mother or Sakura) finally came to take her home.
Her uncle just stroked her head, whispering sweet words while nudging her back the way they came. “Come one Rin…let’s go.” That was all he said, all that had to be said, and Rin immediately began to climb up the stairs and away from the pit. Away from Zouken.
It was a fairly low number of stairs that had to be climbed to the exit, but her uncle kept tripping on them, forcing Rin to gently help him up, concerned. “Are you okay Kariya-ojisan?”
“I’m…okay Rin…just a little tired.”
Fear gripped her throat at his reassurance. “Do…do you want to-?”
“I can rest…later. Not here…don’t worry…” Relief washed over her, and she went back to helping him. It ended up not being necessary though, as her uncle somehow managed to shake off his fatigue; almost as if her words had given him energy.
They reached the top in a few seconds and, grasping the door knob that separated her from a new future, Rin felt genuine joy for the first time in a year. She could feel the end of old, bad thing and the start of new, better ones. Whether it was as an heir or a student; a magus or a regular person; Rin did not care. She would gladly give up her magic if it meant going away from this place, seeing the pride in her father’s eyes, letting her mother kiss her good-night, playing with Sakura in the park.
She turned towards her uncle, the man she understood had done the impossible and more to save her, and spoke her heart. “I love you, Kariya-ojisan.”
Her words struck Kariya deeply, and it showed. The fatigue and determination that were always fighting in his face gave way to surprise and, a few seconds later, joy. Tears began flowing down his face, and while Rin couldn’t give a word to the expression, she felt it was the face of a man that had gone to hell and back only to realize it had all been worth it.
He smiled back while gripping her little hand and whispered back. “I love you too…Rin.”
With his words, hope once again blossomed within Rin, and she turned to open the door, giving the first step towards her future.
Those were the last words her uncle ever spoke.
She heard a thud, felt a sudden weight in her right hand, and it took her a while to realize it was not a worm monstrosity summoned to drag her back into the pit, but her uncle collapsed on the floor. “Kariya-ojisan?” Concern filled her, and when he didn’t respond, so did fear. “Kariya-ojisan! Are you alright!? Are you hurt!? Did I walk too fast!? Can you stand, Kairya-ojisan!?”
A stream of questions came out of her mouth, and all went unanswered. No matter how hard he shook him or how loud she spoke her uncle remained there, unmoving, and Rin couldn’t understand what was happening.
“It’s useless girl. He’s already dead.”
Rin froze and, ever-so-slowly, turned to face her smiling grandfather, standing on the hallway as if he had always been there.
Fear and concern flew out the window as panic settled in. She began to shake him harder. “Get up, Kariya-ojisan! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!” Rin kept repeating over and over again, practically trying to drag the body to a standing position.
“Honestly, what a useless son. Though I admit he lasted longer than I expected.” Zouken chuckled as Rin kept pleading to the corpse. “And I admit, he did give me a good show. Still, that’s no reason for him to look so satisfied with himself.”
At his words, Rin stopped. She had expected many, many thing for her grandfather to say, but not that her uncle looked anything resembling ‘satisfied’. Why would that be after all he had suffered, all that had happened, only to be caught by Zouken on their way out of the house? It made no sens-
Rin turned her uncle’s head, and time stopped.
She could feel the world around her slowing down to stasis as her senses grew in contrast. Everything became much clearer. She could see the dust hidden in the shadows, could hear the accelerated beating of her heart, could smell the hundreds of little worms around her grandfather, their odor of putrefaction all too familiar to her.
And she could see, with almost perfect clarity, the serene smile on Matou Kariya’s face.
Rin didn’t understand.
“Why…?” She murmured suddenly, and couldn’t tell for the life of her what it was she wanted to ask.
Why did this happen to her?
Why had she been given away?
Why had no one come for her?
Why had only one cared?
Why had only one tried to help her?
Why had everyone else ignored her screams?
Why had that one died?
Why was her grandfather not surprised?
Why?
Why? Why? Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why Why Why Why Why why why why why why why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywh ywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
And then she knew.
“Why are you smiling?” She asked the corpse. And ‘why’ indeed? Why was the man that had come to her rescue dead on the floor, pleasantly smiling while the damsel in distress was in trouble? Wasn’t he the hero? Hadn’t he promised? So why was he not getting up? Why was he not saving her?
“Hey, Kariya-ojisan, why?” She asked again, her voice calm, as she gently shook his body. Again, no answer.
“Why, ojisan, why?” She kept asking, shaking him even harder, but still her uncle did not stir.
Since her hands weren’t working she used her foot instead, standing up while ignoring the amused Zouken next to her. “Hey, ojisan, tell me why. Get up and tell me why, ojisan. Why are you smiling like that? Hey, ojisan…” She kept shaking him and asking, over and over, just like she had cried and begged before.
Yes, that was right. She had done the same thing many times before, and yet it still didn't work. She had screamed, and suffered, and cried, and begged and pleaded and feared and prayed and hoped and despaired, again and again and again.
And yet still...
still...
still...
still…
“GET UP, KARIYA-OJISAN!”
This time, Rin kicked him.
The sound was loud and sudden in the otherwise silent hallway, but Rin didn’t stop. Her uncle had still not answered her, so she kicked him even harder.
“Hey, ojisan, HEY! Tell me why already! TELL ME WHY!” With every demand ignored her motions became wilder, her voice more urgent. But no matter what she did, no matter what she said, her uncle still refused to listen to her. “Why are you smiling like that, Kariya-ojisan? Ojiisan caught us, so why are you smiling?”
“WHY ARE YOU SMILING WHILE I’M STILL SUFFERING?”
“WHY ARE YOU SMILING WHEN YOU STILL HAVEN’T SAVED ME?”
“SAVE ME, KARIYA-OJISAN! GET UP AND SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Zouken’s laugh was low and raspy in her ear, and Rin wondered when he had moved behind her. “He he he, you poor little thing. You want this pathetic excuse of a son to save you? Kariya couldn’t even save himself, much less someone like you.”
Rin still ignored him though, still kept talking to the corpse. “Hey, Kariya-ojisan, you heard that? Ojiisan is saying bad things about you. Will you let him do that, hm? Will you, Kariya-ojisan? WILL YOU?” She stomped him, kicked him, stepped on him, heard the sound of bones breaking, and kicked him harder.
“Why aren’t you answering, Kariya-ojisan? Are you really that weak? ARE YOU? CAN’T YOU EVEN STAND UP? Didn’t Ojiisan only say bad things? Why are you letting him say bad things about you?” And suddenly Rin stopped, still staring at her uncle’s lips.
“Could it be…that…Ojiisan is right? Is that it, Kariya-ojisan? Is he right? Hey, answer me Kariya-ojisan! Hey!” This time the kick hurt, and Rin realized her right leg was red. She ignored that. “HEY! HEY, OJISAN, HEY! Is he right? Is that it? Is everything Ojiisan says about you true?”
“It is, isn’t it? You really are pathetic, AREN’T YOU!? So Ojiisan was right! YOU ARE A PATHETIC UNCLE THAT CAN’T EVEN SAVE HIMSELF! So then why!? Why did you promise me!?”
“WHY DID YOU GIVE ME HOPE!?”
Rin no longer talked after that, her rage morphing every word coming out of her mouth into a wild shriek. All she could think about was of her dead uncle, of her proud father, of sunny days in the park and cold nights in the pit. Of sharing ice-cream with Sakura and eating poisoned food for dinner. Of hugs and good-byes and kisses and promises that were a lie.
ALL. A. LIE.
“That’s enough girl. As amusing as this is, we have important things to attend to this night.” The girl ignored him like he knew she would, and Zouken commanded the worms within her to bring her. Her granddaughter flailed her arms wildly, her head a flurry of hair, tears, snot, saliva, pleas and curses. From the shadows dozens of worms appeared to feast on what remained of Kariya, a last convenient use for his otherwise disappointing scion, and the girl screamed even louder.
And Zouken didn’t mind. Tonight he had come across a very interesting piece, one that would become important in the near future if Zouken’s intuition proved him correct. Invaluable, perhaps not, but the Matou Patriarch wasn’t about to discard a powerful card when it could be put to better use. And with the way the girl had become, it would be easy to mold her into the perfect pawn for his purposes.
“It would seem” Thought Zouken as he descended the stairs. “that I have to thank you Kariya,” He glanced backwards, to the girl so filled with despair it overflowed. “for doing such an excellent job.”
That night Matou Rin screamed as the Crest Worm was implanted into her spine. Why she screamed, she didn’t know.
It seemed like the only thing she could do.
*****
The years passed. Rin grew, and so did her bitterness.
She didn’t know when it turned out like that. Perhaps it had been when her uncle died, perhaps during her first year as a Matou; or maybe, even before that, on the day she had left her life as a Tohsaka behind. The only difference was that now she didn’t hide it; didn’t try to bury it below the pretense of duty as a Magus.
Matou Rin was a broken girl that grew up gnarled and twisted. Zouken’s worms were a constant presence through the day, never giving her respite, and making her blood boil with rage and impotence. Closing her heart to the world had ceased to be an option long ago, and all she could do now was to submit herself to the anger.
Pain was forced into her body, let to fester inside her, her despair turning it into an acid black hatred. She was so saturated by it every day that, to Rin, living was the synonym to a constant state of suffering. And since she couldn’t lash out at its source, she lashed out at everything else.
Shinji had been first. Her brother had returned to the house shortly after the end of the War (whose existence Rin had learned about years later) and immediately began acting the role of the ‘cool big brother’. Rin just ignored him at first, too angry at everything to care about some idiot boy, but as the weeks passed by Shinji’s annoyances became unbearable.
After that one day he had discovered the library (and with it, his magic heritage) Shinji had gone from a show off to amicably condescending, always trying his best to be good to the poor girl that wasn’t going to become the head. If only she had such luck…
Rin had never bragged about being able to read other people, but Shinji was like an audio book at full volume; his assertions about her weren’t difficult to deduce. She had never made any effort to try to get along with him, always replying his various invitations to play with a glare. But from his point of view she must have seemed like a scared girl, defensive on a new home she barely knew.
After his great discovery though, he had switched from ‘defensive’ to ‘jealous’, no doubt thinking her envious of his position as family heir. She hadn’t bothered explaining anything to him (no one had) and he ended up discovering the truth by himself, stupidly stumbling one day midway through her training session.
Since then his presence had become too much for Rin to stand. His usual pride had been replaced by jealously and confusion, most likely wondering why it was her, a foreigner in the family, inheriting the secrets of the Matou while he was stuck living like a stupid normal boy (and surely coming up with equally stupid answers).
She managed to keep up with his glares for 4 days before she snapped. She had walked up to him, asked if it was pity he wanted her to give him (poor magic-less little Shinji), and punched him when he took too long to answer.
After him came other kids, fellow classmates of her when Zouken had (for some reason) let her go back to school. Her daily life changed little though: she talked to no one, barely paid attention in class, and always brooded in her seat, angry at the stupid peace around her. Her attitude brought her unwanted attention of course: bullies who had no trouble picking on some loner girl, girls who spewed poison with pretty smiles, and teachers who liked to pretend they cared about you.
The first group she hit, the second she pushed down the stairs, and the third she ignored and let Byakuya handle. Sad errand boy of her grandfather he might be, he managed to keep her from getting expelled and the student body quickly learned to leave her alone.
At times she walked around Fuyuki, wandering aimlessly until night came and she had to return to the house. Sometimes she saw homeless people about, some of whom asked her for money (how dare them ask her for pity) and she responded by dumping a trash can over them. Other times she stumbled across groups of friends, men who asked her if she wanted to go to the karaoke with them, and she went along until it came time to push them into the river.
There was one last group of course, people who tried to reach out to her (kind classmates and idealistic teachers) and it was those she hit the hardest. No one had cared back when it mattered, and now Rin didn’t want any of their pity or concern. All she wanted was an outlet; a way for her to release some of the madness constantly forced upon her, and she found the world to be a suitable one.
Rin didn’t feel good hurting others; she never felt good, period. But it made the pain go away for a few seconds, and it was those instants Rin lived for. All she had to live for, really.
Depending how her grandfather’s plans turned out she would either grow up and get pregnant or die early courtesy of her connection with the other side. Honestly, by the time she had begun to consider suicide, it had been too late. The Crest Worm was as much a part of her body as her nerves, all under the control of Zouken. He could make her fall asleep with a thought, and whatever semblance of free will she conserved depended solely on her behaving.
Wouldn’t do for Zouken’s precious experiment to rebel, would it?
And Rin understood she was an experiment; Shinji wasn’t the only one who visited the library. Her grandfather may not have cared to teach her magic, but he had no objections against her doing it by her own initiative. As to why she bothered…
Rin had long since stopped pretending being a Magus was a reason to be proud of, but she certainly found it useful. Back when she had turned ten Rin had been assaulted with an urge to understand the magic she had suffered so much for (that, and to kill her perpetual state of boredom and inactivity). She had found her answers easily enough, taking what she understood from the concept of ‘Absorption’ of the Matou magecraft and complementing it with her own close and personal experience with Zouken’s sorcery.
She also found uses for it, such as the time Shinji (taking advantage of his growing physique as a man) had tried to fight back one of her by then usual punches. She had learned Reinforcement all for his sake and then proceeded to beat him until he cried.
From then it became routine. Whenever she was at home and not buried under worms, she was in the library, reading. It was a bit satisfying, knowing about what made her hurt so much, but it also came with a feeling of resignation. The better she understood what Zouken had done to her, the more she realized there was really very little that could be done about it (she had always known so, but having it confirmed was certainly nothing pleasant).
But still she studied magic in both theory and practice, and before long she herself was sending Byakuya on errands to get her the materials she needed. She found certain amusement at that; ordering around the man that had dragged her screaming into the worm pit so many times. But that man was a coward who tried to avoid trouble resigning himself to Zouken’s authority, and Rin could certainly give him trouble. It was also amusing how he took it out, in turn, on Shinji, freely glaring at his nuisance of a son ever since he had discovered the truth.
Or at least he had done so, until he died. Rin hadn’t cared much, heard something about driving drunk, and simply took to getting her reagents herself.
Rin found Alchemy to be her bread and butter, or at least as far as the fields she could self-teach herself went. Her enhanced possession of the water Affinity made brewing potions easily viable, and with her other 4 Elements as auxiliaries; particularly earth for transmutation and fire for energy transfer; Rin found herself mixing very peculiar brews. She excelled at acids (those worked wonders alongside the Matou magecraft).
What she could not get from the stores and pharmacies of Fuyuki she stole from her classmates; both material possessions and, when needed, organic matter (it was surprising how many advanced potions required blood from virgins). She never caused any major harm of course; wouldn’t do to call unwanted attention beyond that Zouken was willing to turn into his sustain. At worst she had given some idiot girl temporal anemia, and that only because she had been bragging about her new boyfriend for days on end. She got better and Rin had let her alone since (she hadn’t stayed a virgin for long, after all).
And so Rin grew, and so Rin studied, and so Rin lived.
And sometimes, when she was alone in her room (her workshop really; she slept mostly on the basement) brewing her potions, she wondered if this is what He would have wanted. Talented little Rin, playing with her flasks and breakers, being a good Magus, bringing pride to the Matou and, by extension, to the family that had birthed her.
She wondered if he would have cared had he survived the War. Then she remembered she didn’t care, and went back to hating.
*****
Rin turned sixteen and entered Fuyuki High school.
She was as excited about it as she had been about middle school, but she attended the opening ceremony anyway. When it came to deciding between Zouken and school, the choice was obvious.
Preparation was also a reason to attend. A few weeks ago Zouken had, somehow, obtained confirmation that the Holy Grail War; the event that had claimed both her uncle and name as a Tohsaka; was restarting fifty years too early. Why that was the case he hadn’t explained, all he had cared about was making sure Rin was prepared, which meant extra training sessions.
Yippie.
Rin hadn’t even bothered arguing about her participation; with Zouken it was either the fast way or the hard way, and Rin lacked the patience to endure whatever manipulations the old worm would use to force her into fighting were she to refuse. And to be honest, Rin looked forward to it.
Better to die in the near fighting Magi than dying of exhaustion after years of being a baby factory for the Matou. At the very least the former promised some fun.
And Rin had no doubt she would die in the War. Maybe not in body, but definitely in mind, will and soul. All she had asked Zouken in exchange for her full cooperation was a complete explanation of her role, something he had agreed to.
To resume, she was a Lesser Grail.
A fake one; a dark one; an imitation one of the three founders of the system had constructed, but she functioned all the same. She would enter the War, fight close enough to the Servants to absorb their spirits before the Einzbern Grail did, and then sit and watch as her body functions began to fail. The specifics she didn’t quite grasp, but she understood that her connection to the Greater Grail would eventually overwhelm her, turning her humanity into a machine whose sole purpose was to summon the bloody cup her grandfather drooled after.
But that required her to last long enough to absorb at least half the Servants, and that required her to expand her Prana intake and endurance, which meant more potions, more blood from classmates, and yes, even more sex with Shinji.
Once again, Yippie.
The moment she had hit puberty Rin’s hormones began to run wild, demanding they be satiated. Thankfully for Rin, her studies at the library had saved her an explanation from her grandfather (sex was the least she wanted to hear from Zouken) and all he had ordered her was to secure a stable source and to not attract attention. And because having sex with a classmate was the perfect way to attract attention (she was a loner; everyone would notice) she had resorted to Shinji.
Her brother had changed after that. His silent hatred had ceased and morphed into…something; Rin couldn’t put it into words. Whatever it was it included resignation; compared to those first times she had forced her way with him via hits and hair pulling, Shinji no longer put up a fight. He just followed her silently whenever she told him it was time, closed his eyes through the whole thing, and then cried while Rin cleaned herself.
He also spent much less time home, often asking to sleep in the house of a friend of his (Rin didn’t remember his name, but knew it also started with ‘Shi’). Since no one cared about Shinji he was free to come and go as he pleased, and it was really up to Rin’s urges to dictate when he had to return.
Matou Shinji had been completely and thoroughly subjugated, courtesy of the girl who had abused his body and taken from it what she pleased.
Rin only thought he had become even more pathetic. If he thought rape was bad he should throw himself to the worms and spend a night there; that would give him something to get depressed about.
But unfortunately it wasn’t her brother who the vermin were waiting for, and so Rin watched as the sun set behind the school, mentally counting the minutes left until she had to start the walk back home.
When she was down to thirteen minutes and twenty seven seconds, Fate decided Rin hadn’t suffered enough.
“Nee-san?”
For the first time since Kariya, Matou Rin felt panic. She dared not move, she didn’t even breathe, even though every single fiber in her body screamed at her to escape. But she remained still, cold sweat running down her neck, and heard as soft steps walked up behind her.
“Nee-san…is that you?”
Swallowing, heart beating agonizingly fast, Rin turned around.
Sakura was no longer six.
Her hair was still somewhat curly, though it had grown with the years, now reaching down to her shoulder blades. She was much taller now, smaller than Rin by a finger, and her eyes were as blue as her mother’s; as her father’s…
She was sporting black clothing and a red coat (the unofficial colors of the Tohsaka), and her hands held a travel suitcase that seemed a bit heavy. Sakura didn’t seem to mind though, her face beaming as she watched Rin, the smile plastered on her face even brighter thanks to the orange light of the setting sun.
At fifteen, Tohsaka Sakura possessed a bright kind of beauty that no doubt allured everyone around her. A happy girl in the prime of her youth with a great future before her. Rin’s chest burned at the thought; with what, she didn’t know.
Shocked, stuttering, and with her face pale, Rin called back.
“S-s-sakura…!?”
Her sister seemed elated to hear her voice, running towards her with happy tears. “It really is you. Nee-san!” She tackled Rin with a hug, and it was only because her legs were stuck to the ground that both girls didn’t fall. “Oh, I am so glad to finally see you again Nee-san! I missed you so much!”
Rin didn’t answer, still too busy gaping to process a response, and it was then that she spotted a red ribbon among her sister’s brown locks, tied to the exact same place it had nine years ago.
Whatever remained of Matou Rin’s heart broke at the sight.
Sakura didn’t notice, or maybe didn’t mind, and kept talking. “You don’t know, Nee-san. So much has happened. I don’t know where to start!” Overflowing with joy, she finally saw fit to release Rin from her iron grip and noticed her sister’s…complicated expression.
“Are you okay Nee-san? Did something happen?” Sakura asked, no stuttering, and Rin felt something was wrong with a world in which Sakura didn’t stutter.
“N-no…no, you just surprised me a bit.” Rin remembered how to breathe, and slowly tried to calm down. She failed, but at least she stopped feeling the urge to bolt.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized without apologizing. Rin was surprised by that too. When Sakura apologized, she did it (and did it often) because she meant it. But this strange Sakura apologized by courtesy, didn’t look down at her feet and didn’t wait for a reply. “I know this is sudden, and I know I am imposing, but I have wanted to see you for so long, Nee-san.”
Sakura seemed like she wanted to keep talking, but stopped, realizing something. She let go of Rin’s shoulders, shyly stepping back, and the Matou heir managed to glance a little bit of the sister she remembered.
Softly, sweetly, and with more frailty than Rin thought was fair, she asked. “Can I still call you Nee-san?”
Suddenly Rin wanted to cry, wanted to get away, felt like something small and precious had been entrusted to her and she didn’t want it because she would break it like she did to everything else. Rin wanted for Sakura to go, to leave her alone, because she was no longer her sister. She was an angry girl who resented the entire world because it hadn’t suffered like she had.
But she couldn’t tell her so, couldn’t talk at all, and Sakura became concerned. “Nee-san, are you okay? Is there a problem?”
Rin felt like punching something, because why ask her if she was going to call her a sister anyways, and of course there was a problem. A centuries old, twisted problem that had turned Tohsaka Rin into his puppet.
And it was then, remembering Zouken, that fear gripped her heart. Rin became very, very afraid.
She looked into her sister’s eyes, and yearned to ask what it was she expected from her. Did she want her to say it was okay? That she could call her ‘Nee-san’? Should she ask about her? Where she had been? How Mother was faring?
But she couldn’t do that. If she did then she would get involved with Sakura, and Sakura would get involved with her, and with the Matou, and with Zouken, and she couldn’t let that happen.
If it did, Rin was sure her despair would kill her.
She felt her hands being grasped by something warm, and suddenly Sakura was there, looking at her with the eyes of a mother and the love of a sister. “Nee-san, if there is a problem, you can tell me. I will help you, whatever it is.”
Rin wanted to tell her many things. She wanted to throw herself at her sister’s arms, cry into her chest, ask to be forgiven (for what, Rin didn’t know). She shouldn’t want these things. Tohsaka Rin might do, but not Matou Rin. Matou Rin should want to scream at her, pull her hair, turn and drag her towards the basement and the worms, show her what she had gone through while she was smiling. But this wasn’t some idiot girl or idealistic teacher or retard bully or fucking Shinji. This was Sakura, her baby sister, and the thought of her going through all that was a nightmare.
It was that, among all else, what convinced Rin about what had to be done.
Because even as a Matou, Rin was still the older sister.
Because even if her life was nothing but senseless pain, there was still something worth protecting. Even if it meant hurting her.
She took a deep breath, gently broke Sakura’s hold on her, and put the truest fake smile she had. “Everything is okay, Sakura. But do you think you should be acting like this?”
Sakura seemed to choke, surprised at her sister’s sudden change in attitude, and Rin realized then she had been consciously forcing herself to speak without stuttering. How cute.
She composed herself fast enough. “What do you mean Nee-san? I-”
“Sakura.” She interrupted softly, yet firmly. “As you said, we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Showing such familiarity to someone like that, especially from another Family, isn’t behavior suitable of the land’s supervisor.”
Whatever self-imposed composure Sakura had wanted to impress Rin with flew out the window then, and the Tohsaka head gripped her sleeve nervously, face that of a scolded child. “I-” Back to stuttering, it seemed. “I know we shouldn’t be speaking like this. I know it, but…” She looked up again, determination making her stubborn. “But I want to see you again, Nee-san. I want to get to know you better. I-”
“Sakura.” Rin interrupted again, afraid that if she let her continue her resolve would shatter. “Do you remember what I told you back then, the day when I left?”
Her sister opened her mouth, then closed it, hesitant. Many things were said that day, and Sakura wasn’t sure which she was referring to.
“I told you that even if it is scary, or even if we don’t like it, we are Magi, and as such we must bring pride to our families.” She explained.
“But you also said that I should-”
“I also said, that we would no longer be sisters.” Rin forced herself to say, looking straight at Sakura. “Do you know what that means, Tohsaka-san?”
The change in name was obviously both unexpected and unwelcome to her sister who wasn’t her sister anymore. “I-”
“I…”
“I know…” She admitted, sadly, lifting her hand to touch the red bow. “But, I remember that Nee-” She shook her head. “That you said that, even if we were no longer family, we would always be connected.”
It was a naïve dream, an idealistic fantasy, so of course Sakura would cling to it through her lonely years; even without bragging about being good at reading people, Rin knew Sakura had been lonely as well.
“Ah, that’s right. I gave you one of my ribbons, didn’t I? I see you have kept it. That’s sweet of you, Tohsaka-san.” She replied with feigned innocence, and watched as Sakura brightened up a little bit.
She kept playing with her sleeve and asked, expectantly. “Do you…do you still have yours?”
Rin steeled her nerves, remembering that first night inside the pit, and did what had to be done. “To be honest, I lost it quite some time ago.” She forced herself to see without looking, because if she looked Rin had no doubt of what she would find in Sakura’s face.
She passed a hand through her plum hair, smiling pleasantly at the heartbroken girl. “As you can see, I have changed a lot since we last met. When my hair changed color red no longer looked good on it, so I stopped using it.” As innocently as possible, she put a finger on her chin. “I wonder what happened to it. I think my Byakuya-ojisan threw it away while he was cleaning. I can ask him, if you want.”
Sakura replied something. Something low, and sad, and broken, but Rin didn’t listen. She wouldn’t be able to endure it.
“If you still want to,” She began once Sakura quieted. “we can still meet up sometime. Perhaps we can drink a cup of coffee, or some tea, and talk for a while. Ah, but nothing about our families of course. It wouldn’t do if we revealed some secrets by accident, right? Nothing personal.”
“No…that’s okay. I have things to attend to…so I don’t think I would have the time.” Sakura replied miserably, eyes obscured by her hair.
“Really? Well, that’s a pity.” Rin picked up her school bag, made sure her smile was still up, and gave a little bow to Sakura. “If you will excuse me, it’s getting late and I must return home.”
“Yes, I understand.” Sakura picked up her suitcase, wiped something from her face, and began walking away. “Good-bye, Matou-Sempai.”
“Have a nice evening, Tohsaka-san.”
Rin remained where she stood, listening to the girl’s parting steps; at first slow, but then suddenly breaking into a run. She didn’t turn, didn’t call after her, and didn’t follow her, because she didn’t have the right.
Rin wouldn’t give herself the right.
She stood there, face neutral as the sun disappeared and night claimed the city. It was only then, when she was sure no one would hear her, that she finally allowed herself to cry.
*****
The first months into her high school life proved to be much quieter than her middle school one.
Since the day she had resigned herself to Zouken’s will, it had never occurred to Rin the possibility of seeing her little sister again. It had felt definitive with Kariya’s death; the end of all ties with her previous life. But of course Rin would be wrong, and of course Sakura would be around, and of course she would enroll into the same high school Rin attended.
For such a big city, Fuyuki certainly lacked high schools.
But while Sakura would not start school until next year Rin felt her presence all the same, and it showed. She no longer hit anyone that bothered her, ignored everyone around her, and glared at those who didn’t get the message.
Those who had attended Rin’s same middle school obviously noticed something was wrong, but knew better than to approach her about it. Even Issei, that irritating fag of a Student Council President (and the sole student who had outmaneuvered his way out of Rin’s violence), remained silent about it, only monitoring her from afar with an unspoken promise of immediate action should Rin cause trouble once more.
Before, she wouldn’t have cared about whatever reputation she made of herself. But Sakura was coming next year and, somehow, the prospect of her hearing rumors about Rin’s behavior worried the magus. Part of her wanted to do it anyways; to cause enough trouble Sakura might be tempted to investigate and realize something really was wrong and her ‘Nee-san’ needed her. Then another part of herself reminded Rin why she was doing this and told her to suck it up.
And besides, there was a bigger issue she had to focus on: why her sister had return from whatever trip she had been in. Rin knew the answer already, knew someone had to participate as the representative of the Tohsaka, so then the problem became what she would do if she clashed with her during the War.
On one hand, she had strict orders from Zouken to fight in this War, and knew that refusing would only make things more complicated. Even if she convinced him to wait until the next one Rin couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t try anything. Last time he had just been entertaining himself with her uncle and ended up creating a fake Grail for himself.
Yet on the other hand fighting meant facing Sakura, and facing Sakura meant one would likely kill the other. Rin wasn’t sure if she could go through with it, but if by then she was more Grail than human then the point would be mute. She would try to kill Sakura and consume her Servant without hesitation.
It was a lose-lose situation, and it ate at Rin from within along the worms. How could she keep her sister safe while obeying Zouken? How could she protect Sakura while fulfilling her intended purpose?
And then, because Fate had finally felt pity on her, Rin got her answer.
It was late already, the sun setting and almost no students left at school. Rin was walking through the grounds, intent of taking the long way home through the woods (whatever stress she could relieve on her classmates, the trees took silently), when she paused at the sound of heavy breathing and grunts of effort.
She spotted him on the racing track, a bar high before him. The boy kept trying to jump over it, his body putting everything it had on both the run and the leap, yet still failed to reach the other side. Not deterred, the boy just got up and tried again and again and again. Sometimes it seemed he had almost made it, but then his next attempt would show his fatigue and then the boy would try again, his frustration giving him energy, and the cycle would repeat.
Rin didn’t know how to feel at the sight. It was certainly entertaining, watching someone get hurt without Rin’s direct assistance. But she couldn’t help but frown at the boy’s face. It wasn’t the face of someone frustrated over their continued failures, but rather of someone frustrated about their lack of effort. Yet he wasn’t angry nor did he seem to be having fun. His wasn’t the face of someone who believed they would reach the other side if they tried hard enough, but rather of someone who would do it even if he would never succeed. This boy kept trying because he wanted to keep trying, and Rin was sure he was a masochist because who else would be like this?
It wasn’t him that Rin focused on though, but rather the other girl watching from afar. Sakura was in her casual clothes, no doubt having come to sort out paperwork related to her enrolment, and watched the boy with a mixture of admiration and curiosity. Whatever her sister was thinking or feeling, Rin didn’t know. What she did know, however, was that the boy had caught her sister’s attention; her sister, who no doubt returned every day to an empty house.
This, Rin realized, was it. It was yet too early to be making assumptions, but if that boy got involved with Sakura; if her sister found something she cared about more than her position as family head, more than her duty as a Tohsaka, more than her participation in the Holy Grail War…
Rin might yet find a way to protect Sakura from her.
From that day on, Matou Rin paid a great deal more attention to Fuyuki’s Almighty Janitor.
*****Closing Notes: I would just like to take this small space to thank you for reading through the Prologue, and mention how much I hate Tokiomi. And Zouken. I hate them both, SO MUCH.
Why do I mention this? No idea. Just felt like it.
Hoped you enjoyed and have a nice day.
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Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart
