***
Whatever I did, nothing worked out well.
An ideal girl though, judging by her grades. Role model student, if you look at it that way.
Everyone around me was so scared of me they wished me death. I know, why. Because whatever I finished doing, the finish was different from other kids.
From a casual walk to corner store to talks with parents. From school stuff to healthcare. I couldn't stop if things didn't seem to work out the best I could think of. And every time, my parents were disappointed in me, but I succeeded, and they were saying "well done". That's how everything was ending.
Restoration, of course, was successful and failed.
Getting results in my own way, I made many suffer at the same time.
No one blames me, because pros are overrated. But sometime this relation is going to turn around.
But I didn't know any other ways. My dad was scolding me: "Don't do anything". I was completely weird. My mother admitted that I'm a pain in the ass. I couldn't correct myself.
Desperate, I was depressed and couldn't even go out. Even the way I was holding the spoon was scary.
But once my mother taught me - if I'm afraid of my actions, I should just completely copy someone else's, and I'll do just fine.
*
And so...
In the end, I didn't know how to stop myself.
------------------HandS.(L)
0\Hand(L)
-- Ishizue Arika-san, my congratulations. Investigation showed you are latent. Your healing course as an agonyst syndrome carrier is over. It was nice making your acquaintance for those past half a year.
Half a year after clinic, July 2003.
ECG, pulse, ABP, and also cerebral membrane of inner nerve and other insides of mine were rated and accounted; my innocence - proven. And only Mato-san, glaring at me from the other side of the glass door, was unhappy.
-- Thank you very much. Can I now get discharged with my conscience clear?
-- No, Ishizue-san, you were wounded by a syndrome carrier, we're going on to next procedures. We would be examining you just like before, but we'll transfer you to a normal chamber...
Looks like "Not possessed - discharge then" doesn't work here. Evil Tomato nods in satisfaction. I was bearing with it for so long, I'm good at that, but Mato-san is even better at pressuring, and that's the crossing line.
What kind of human she is, tormenting me like that?
-- Doctor Mato should've told you the details. Well, here's your new schedule... Your case, Ishizue-san, is new for us, and we want to deal with the procedures especially carefully.
Building A's personnel consists of a decent amount of real doctors. This one, quite friendly, put some documents, resembling a contract, in front of me.
-- Ah, sign right here, right...
...With a pen in my hand, I freeze, seeing my new schedule. Half a day takes going through doctor's rooms from top to bottom of building A. Second half - talk with other patients, keep yourself in shape, and that finishes with a romantic, psychologic, high-class examination by doctor Touma herself, which I naively believed was last today.
-- Pardon me, a question. What's with all the service in this clinic?
Am I not the one to be served, being a patient?
-- You see, thing is, even though you're mentally injured, you're still a healthy man, right? That's why, as a part of rehabilitation into society, this way of curing is also effective.
Well-well. Live in one room with clinic's patients, talk to them, walk with them, work till seventh sweat, and rehabilitate on the way. So it seems. They don't care about my safety - their top priority is immediate results. Or it won't make sense for me to risk my life.
-- Do I have the right to refuse in some particular cases?
-- Well... Actually, doctor Touma asked to tell you, it's not voluntary job, it's a system.
This human is pitiful, so confused. By the way, most lethal cases in this clinic were not brought failed surgeries, they were brought by aggression explosions caused by awkward communication of patients.
-- Gotcha. By the way, doctor. I want to just confirm, this service is voluntary, right?
-- Yes, in a sense. You could maybe call it "loyalty" or "junshi1".
Got it. Looks like it will take long before discharge.
I mean, I can't get out alive because of Mato-san's beliefs, getting out dead - sure, possibly tomorrow, 50/50 chance... Meaning - abandon all hope...
After meditating a bit, I left the chamber and met Mato-san, waiting for me. She had no white coat - leaving now, I guess.
-- Shozai. Let me tell you from the start - nothing's voluntary.
-- ... Leaking private conversations. Okay, okay, got it, it's forced.
-- Yup. While you have a role, I'll treat you as a human. Well, it's okay not to get too embarked in your job - you're such a silly head you'll go dancing on a minefield. Well, see ya - until next week, - Evil Tomato bids me goodbye.
And so I note down - "careful, next week brings despair". Nevertheless, I still got a freedom to walk around the building, so first thing first I went to Dr.Dolittle's confessional. Dr. Dolittle, also called Dr. Roman, also called just Kinui, is always siding with patients that are bothered by anything.
-- There's nothing to be so desperate about. I think, you should instead build up hope. In your case, Arika-kun, your sister was sent to building D, so clinic can't just discharge you saying "no problems", even if you're latent. Even that decision was made in half a year, only because Dr. Touma gave it all her effort.
-- Well, yeah. Quoting Mato-san: "Good for you, even if you're pressured till half-death, you'll forget everything at night.", so it's right.
So I guess she happily put her efforts on all sides.
Medical expert Touma Mato, nicknamed Mato-san. When my possessed sister started raging about, she got her tied up before everyone around could suffer. Saved my life.
Later I found out she's a medical expert-police inspector, public safety elite, ordered to inspect A-syndrome carriers. Hardworking woman, often shows up in clinic and inspects patients, sometimes drags in new ones.
-- Ah yeah... Arika-kun, your memory doesn't hold daily events through night, right? Can you please tell me, at what hour do they disappear?
-- At morning, and surprisingly, it depends on my mood. Well, at average, I lose memory from half till nine A.M. to six P.M., and if I don't watch the time, I forget everything when sun sets.
And the opposite, I can remember events from evening till morning. It's important to know that, so I can live with it somehow. Write down important stuff that happened during the day, read the notes at night, and that's it. But since I'm just writing down text, every image-depending information is a bit inaccurate.
-- What a mess. From one side, your frustrations are erased, but you can live with no problems. So that's why Touma doesn't want to let you out. Touma, you want to heal Arika-kun's injured memory, right?
-- Not re-eally. I'm just tired with all that torturing.
-- I won't believe that. Arika-kun, do you think she's tired with torturing?
A warning smile... so I got to know the unpleasant truth.
-- Gotcha, I was stupid. By the way, Doc. If I get free time tomorrow, is there anything for me to do?
-- Read a book... no, reading's not for you. Meaningless to read during the day, you'll forget it anyway. If you're going to read, do it at night.
-- Yeah. But somehow that's a great fortune.
-- Then maybe you'll paint during the day? Everything will be left on the canvas. Then resume painting, shouldn't be so hard.
-- Well, that's right too. Is it fun to paint?
-- The more serious you are about it, the more of a headache it becomes. Arika-kun, didn't you draw anything as a kid?
Dolittle brings dusty painting utils.
Oh yeah. I remember drawing some squiggles some time ago. Not for getting praised, not to show it to anyone, I was just playing with a paintbrush. Can you avoid unpleasant recollections if you don't have any goal to begin with?
In waiting room of building B is an atelier, chessboard. The only fine place in the clinic with a view to an inner garden. And so, I was moving my paintbrush here and there, when an interesting person talked to me.
-- Sorry, you don't mind if I stick around?
-- Hm?
The person introduced to me as Hisaori Shinya, sat on the floor and kept looking at me with a nitpicking glare. Like a critter that met a human for the first time in its life, keeping watch of my every movement with shimmering eyes.
Full of hellish miasmas, that person didn't seem to have any evil intentions, so I started talking in a relaxed manner.
-- Is it possible to be so agile at handling everything with one hand?
-- I don't have the other one, so I'm doing my best.
I giggled, and so did Hisaori. Hisaori appeared to be quite a normal person, talked to me about stuff with no particular topic, and so became my friend.
I remembered clearly how Hisaori liked my hand. I don't have left one, so I only have right one left. And Hisaori kept on watching it, probably because...
*
-- Hi there, Ishizue-san. Shogi today?
-- ?..
Half a year passed, and there - 2003, beginning.
After getting in a boring mess in a clinic, I had my discharge delayed until summer. And now an unfamiliar patient appears before me.
-- Are you alright? It's me, Hisaori.
Hisaori?.. Ah, right, according to my notes, this person before me looks like Hisaori Shinya, whom I only met during day, so I have no image recollections of.
I believed it's the case, because I textually noted all body features. Hair length, height, build, and gender... My recognition was delayed, because the Hisaori in front of me has changed drastically, getting a new feature.
-- What's with you? Did you fall?
-- Ah, that? That's after surgery. Everything was bad there from long ago, so I just told them to amputate it.
A single-handed patient, just like me. From this day on, Hisaori doesn't have a right hand.
We talked for a while. Music sounds, personal time is over, Hisaori says goodbye and leaves.
-- Ooh. Hi, Arika-kun.
At that moment, Doctor Dolittle greets me, passing by at the same moment.
A great guy, answers anything you ask him.
-- Hey Doc. Is Hisaori already getting discharged?
-- Yeah. Just like you, Arika-kun, Hisaori is on good accounting, so discharge is half a year early. Well, we had to discharge someone this month. If you behaved, we would've discharged you now.
-- Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, Mato-san was raging about. And it looks like I'm going to isolator tomorrow again... But tell me, what are Hisaori-san's symptoms? Even though Hisaori is from C building, I didn't notice anything out of ordinary...
-- Hisaori-san's modification is quite rare. Appearance is changed, but at the same time you can't see the symptoms. Get what I mean?
I raise my hands - not at all. You can see it, but can't see it - what's with this weird puzzle? Actually, to be honest, I wasn't interested in Hisaori's symptoms.
-- Face expression. Inside Hisaori-san's face, nerve cells, muscles, fibers can become something completely different. Hisaori-san can, on own will, change face expression to match some image.
-- What? But that's usual. If you get angry - your face gets angry.
-- Yeah... You don't really smile when angry. But Hisaori-san is something different. Hisaori-san makes sad face when angry, and can copy your manner to look lifeless as well.
-- Hmm... What a weird modification. Why are you bothering with cure anyway, can't you just discharge Hisaori right away? There's nothing dangerous about it.
-- Well, that depends. To one living being that power is not much, but that's quite a talent in a society, don't you think? Even though it's hard to find analogy.
I guess what we're talking about is how fake smile that doesn't look fake is scary stuff. Maybe Dolittle once met some wedding swindlers?
-- Well, let's leave the modifications aside. What made Hisaori possessed?
I'm asking the main question right away. That is what interests me, and however normal Hisaori can look, if one is here - one was definitely broken once.
-- It's a relation of an unusual degree. Hisaori-san can't have a goal in life. Lost the power to objectively judge oneself - that would be more accurate. Can't even walk without copying anyone.
-- Hmm... Is that even right place to cure that? Shouldn't Hisaori be sent to psychiatric clinic before our purgatory?
-- No-no, the problem, of course, is there, but that doesn't mean Hisaori-san becomes the copied human. In the end, Hisaori Makina just takes someone else's life into account, so everything works out well.
-- And then, Arika-kun. In the facility you mentioned is her younger brother, Hisaori Shinya...
1 Junshi (殉死) (following the lord in death, sometimes translated as "suicide through fidelity"), refers to the medieval Japanese act of vassals committing seppuku (ritual suicide) upon the death of their lord.
Next subchapter - HandS\
Originally Posted by terraablaze
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