Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
I realize this is a stupid, crack idea.
I was going to write Madoka the Angry Magical Girl, but thought against it.
Tohsaka Rin the Angry Magus
Raping Canon with a Cannon
Some things start small. Some things start with a tiny crack.
…Crack…
Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack… and then shatter. There is only so much some people can take. Even the geniuses of a generation can only take so much.
He always takes the best and brightest from the batch. People would hurl their children at him for the chance of learning under him as an apprentice, even if it means giving up their sanity. So is it really his fault that he enjoyed breaking these apprentices so much?
…Well, maybe.
But the problem that faced him now is unlike most of the eventual break-downs that his other apprentices suffered. This one does not curl up in her room and cry like his usual apprentices. Instead, she takes a more proactive approach to things. And she has become quite lethal in the last few years.
That is perhaps why that shiver running down his spine has not stopped yet.
That is also perhaps why he is hiding under his nigh-indestructible mahogany desk, trying to weather the unending shots of Gandr coming father and many times more powerful than the offensive of a full regiment of machine gunners.
Then the shooting stops for a brief moment. He hopes she has run out of steam, or at least broken down into sobs. But he is met with yet another surprise.
At first, there is a small crack in the wood. Then there are many cracks, making a noise that reminds him of a redwood tumbling down. All of this happens in less than half of one second.
…Then a fist shoots through his desk and grabs hold of his collar.
Oh no. He panics.
Yet he does not provide nearly enough resistance against the tug of the hand which causes the back of his head to crunch against the bottom of his desk. Thankfully for himself, his head is harder than the desk. But this only means she keeps tugging. Again, again, and again, until finally, his head breaks through the desk, leaving splinters of mahogany flying everywhere.
“Y-yo… Miss T-Tohsaka…” He greets, trying to act as calm as possible. This does not seem to succeed.
She raises her fist at him threateningly and says something. He cannot really understand her, though he assumes she means to say something along the lines of ‘what happens next will hurt your face a lot more than it will hurt my fist’. Instead, all that comes out of her lips is an unearthly growl, “GRAAAAAAAAAAAH.”
What comes next would be the most brutal beating that Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg has ever had, even surpassing that which he endured a long time ago from his abusive father.
It does not stop, and for the first time in a long time, he curses how much greater his pain tolerance has become since he became a Dead Apostle Ancestor. He already cannot see through his left eye, and most of his body is in so much pain that he seems to have come full circle and become numb to everything. Yet, the image of Tohsaka Rin standing over him with his blood splattered all over her face only causes him to shriek like a little girl... well, more like a little girl than he already felt like at the moment anyway.
Desperately, he looks for any MacGuffin or Magical Doodad that could conveniently make his prized apprentice stop. Or at least stall her long enough for him to find a way to run away...
He is not sure what happened next, but a bright, shining light happened and she disappeared. He let out a breath that he knew he was holding in, and sighed in relief. “Hey Ruby,” he muttered through very puffy and split lips, “You there?”
“Yes, Master?”
“Go find my wayward student, will you? And… and…” He felt tears threaten to leak out of his eyes. “P-please keep her away.”
“A-ah… I will try.”
After the little trinket flies away to god knows where, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg curls up in a ball and starts sobbing like one of his apprentices.
Tohsaka Rin the Angry Magus
Kotomine Kirei was not sure what exactly happened. At one moment, he was standing before the young daughter of his teacher. Little Tohsaka Rin had been sobbing her heart out, making his heart tingle in delight. Yet the next moment, she stopped sniffling and looked up at him in a strange, blank expression. It was almost like looking at himself in the mirror. But then a literal spark appeared in the young girl’s eyes and her face began to redden.
Was she embarrassed of her behavior, he wondered. His poker face was well practiced and it seems like the girl was trembling in tears again. Kirei hopped that this was another form of her suffering. This has become quite the delightful ending of a story, for him at least.
Kotomine Kirei could be called a master of many fields of combat. He could heal, he could fight in melee, and he could counter magi. He is both well rounded and well practiced. Really, there were few conventional magi who would not be intimidated by Kotomine Kirei.
But for all his skill, Kotomine Kirei could not and did not see what happened next.
Young Tohsaka Rin became a blur and then Kotomine Kirei’s world became pain. His mind tried to process what happened as he doubled over. Or at least, he tried to, but the continued punches from young Tohsaka Rin, who seemed suddenly to be growling at him, kept him from actually falling down.
A moment later, he realized that she had kneed him in the crotch. Just like how Tohsaka Tokiomi did not see his dagger in the back, Kotomine Kirei did not see this kick to the nuts coming. That alone should not have been painful, but it was not like the kneeing of a little girl. Instead, it was a reinforced kneeing that felt more like someone had taken to entire force behind a bullet train running at full speed, stuffed it inside the little girl’s knee, and shot that force out at his crotch. Then she also shot a Gandr out of her knee.
Let it not be said that Kotomine Kirei was not a master of healing.
But for all that good it did him; Tohsaka Rin punched him faster and harder than he could heal. He could not even keep up. It was only what seemed like every bone in his body below his neck had been pulverized into dust that she stopped and picked him up by his hair with one hand.
At first, she growled at him again. But then she calmed herself down enough to talk. At least, it sounded like she was talking, but Kotomine Kirei, in his Nirvana of Pain, thought that perhaps he could grind diamonds down to dust from the roughness and rage in the girl’s voice, “You like to watch me suffer, Kotomine.”
It was not a question.
He didn’t even bother answering (not that he could anyways), because she gripped his hair tighter, causing some to be torn out of his scalp, with roots and everything.
“I blame you for a lot of things, Kotomine. But there is still a lot I don’t know,” She said slowly as her voice became less rough. She seemed to be trying to sound sweet. And gentle. But the smile on her face seemed to cause Kotomine Kirei’s heart to skip a beat.
Was this excitement he felt?
What does this mean, Tohsaka Rin? He wanted to ask. He would have, if he didn’t seem to be able to breathe anymore, too.
“But I’ll find out,” Rin continued, smiling sweetly, with rage visible, just simmering under her façade. She added, “And you’re g-g-grAHHHHHHHHHH!” Of course, she meant to say ‘and you’re going to tell me everything’.
He'll realize that eventually.
- - - Updated - - -
I have bit written up of Rin waiting for Gil back at the Church, but not sure if Gil is masochist enough in this next snippet.
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Originally Posted by ILurkNoMoar
