And another exciting installment of Mana and Shirou's excellent adventures!
Love the rapport that those two have going on- their interactions work really well.
Although, I really want to know Shirou's experience now...
also:
I looked through it, and this was the only typo I saw, so that's good- but then, I tend to fail at grammar, so don't take my word for it"...This is all hypotetical of course."
Can we make use of the Adventure time theme song? Either Shirou or mana humming it while they travel;
Since they're japanese so the japense version it is:
THough I'm still strangely getting that 'Usagi Drop' feeling, when SHirou mentioning his age and Mana saying she's not into older men. Again I'm not sure why?
Teasing the Penguin God!
Kaleidostick-related trauma?Originally Posted by Riven
Maybe you've read too much tsundere characters lately? It could corrupt your brain with the misguided belief that "saying no" means "in denial"
Last edited by Tiresias; November 1st, 2012 at 10:15 PM.
You can't make an omelet without breaking a few Tohsaka. -Fafnir
Naruto is just a shitty little boy taking up space that would be otherwise taken up by competent, otaku-ego-crushing badasses. -Five_X
I anticipate the day when the HA translation comes out and everyone realizes that Caren is the least sexually dominant character in the universe. -Kotonoha
Gun control programs are actually a mage-financed government plot to make mankind start generating hero units again. -McJon
I wonder what would happen if Mana and Shirou actually were in the Nanoha Ver--
No, bad idea. VERY bad idea.
What's the worst can happen?
I don't want to think about it.
Oh man.
This is exactly the sort of thing I was hoping to come home to after my english paper this afternoon. Great work.
Just kind of my general idea of how a JRPG parody fic would start out. Not exactly indicative of the final product. Just something to get my creative juices working on what could be the final product.
The Seriously Heroic Quest For the Holy Grail (Seriously!)
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Once upon a time, there was an extremely peaceful village called Hometown.
And it was a very peaceful village.
The sun was always shining brightly, the temperature was always just right, the rain was just enough to keep the flowers blooming and the grass green, the water was pure, the birds sang on key, the dogs and cats lived on a commune together, the mice asked politely for handouts, and the dragons were vegan. It was one of those villages that was so perfect you wondered why anyone bothered living anywhere else.
It could have been because it was the most boring place in the universe, but hey, at least it was pretty.
The people who did live there were stereotypical villagers. There was only one retailer of each trade to eliminate the possibility of internecine combat in the name of increasing profit margins and of course all of the proprietors were of the kindly elderly couple variety. People suspected that the blacksmith might have been a little crazy, what with all the talk about “the demons returning” and “war that would envelop the planet” and “zombies,” but every village needed a raving madman.
The mayor was a portly man who had a large family and bumbling demeanor. He spent about eleven hours of the day disoriented for which most of his associates blamed on an injury from when his father used him as a football at the age of six months. This usually meant that taxes were about as easy to slip through as an open door, further decreasing the likelihood of anyone wanting to leave.
However, the mayor did have an uncanny knack for finding potential threats to the peace and serenity of his little town. If ever asked, he would list three main problems:
One. Severe shortage of taverns and pubs within city limits. Yes, the place was supposed to be child friendly, but didn’t the planners of this place ever think that just once the fathers and husbands would all need to go out for a few rounds, complain about their lives, let out all the stress, pass out, and wake up the next morning in the sewers? Not exactly the end of the world, but would make his life a hell of a lot easier.
Number Two was related to of one of his villagers, Kiritsugu Emiya. Kiritsugu was a pretty cool guy himself. Sure there was that fact that he was overly familiar with the art of killing people, had a background that sounded like he made it up at a diner before work one day, and owned a fully stocked apocalypse shelter just five minutes from his farmhouse, but he was a cool guy. In fact, the mayor could imagine having a drink with him every once in a while…if they had a goddamn pub.
The problem wasn’t Kiritsugu however, it was his son.
Shirou Emiya was a normal enough kid he guessed, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had a variety of psych problems, including no sense of self, a saving complex, complete and utter obliviousness to the multiple females vying for his body, and a mysterious past that was unknown to all except for Kiritsugu, who had rescued him years before. He also happened to be well built, good looking, and a complete and utter mor—I mean a little dull. Had the mayor been a more avid reader, he would have known that this was standard “hero material,” and his town was probably better off without it, but he wasn’t, so all the previous character traits had about zero importance to him. No, what worried him most was what the kid had a very peculiar fascination with.
Swords.
Really, anything with a sharp edge was like candy to the kid, and it was creepy as Hell. Who on Earth whispered lovingly to a weapon they were cleaning? There was a whole wall full of them at his house, and nobody could figure out where on Earth he had gotten them. It wasn’t like their small peaceful village at the bottom of a breezy mountain and next to a clear spring needed weapons for anything, except decorative pieces of course. Sure, the kid had never actually put those swords to use, but that didn’t put his neighbors at any more ease. The last thing this village needed was someone creating conflict because he had a venerable armory in his bedroom.
(The mayor obviously didn’t know about Kiritsugu’s larger armory in the basement, but hey, nobody else did either.)
…Ah well, at least the guy’s wife and daughter were cute enough for him to let it go.
That left the third problem.
Shiki Ryougi was a quiet, reserved girl who just happened to wear some kind of weird dress with a jacket over it and had a disquieting aura about her.
This probably meant she was a princess.
In fact, most of the villagers would have assumed that she was a princess had nobody already known that she was a princess.
Her last name was Ryougi, her name was in the Ryougi family directory, the Ryougi family guard followed her around everywhere, and money was a foreign concept to her (not because she spent too much, she just had no use for the stuff), so if she wasn’t one of the infamous Ryougi crime family, then this was probably some kind of overly long dream they had been living for the past sixteen years.
Normally a princess wouldn’t be a problem. After all, wasn’t everything better with princesses? Seriously, add a princess to anything, instantly a hundred times better.
There was a small issue with this particular princess however, namely the fact that she had an unhealthy fascination with murder. Murder and stabbing. This practically permeated an aura of death and malice. Children screamed when they saw her, the elderly suffered from spontaneous cardiac arrest, flowers wilted in her presence, food shop owners suddenly started tacking on exploitative handling costs to their goods…
…No not really, but she was really damn creepy anyways.
…
…Suddenly, the mayor realized a strange correlation between all three of his problems. One of them was a lack of alcohol-ready-to-drink and the other two were below the legal drinking age! It was the dryness! That was the root of the problem!
Next town council meeting, he was forcing through a bill on the mandatory addition of a tavern and a lowering of the said drinking age to sixteen! Screw sobriety! The town’s future was at stake—!
*BONG! BONG!*
All lines of thought were irrecoverably lost as the lunch bell tolled. The mayor bolted out of his office, barely giving a second thought to his proposed solution. Eh, whatever. There might be two teenage menaces to their idyllic society roaming the streets, but they were both actively shunned by the rest of the community and so the possibility of their damage reaching anything beyond the hypothetical level was pretty much nil…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Hey Shiki!” Shirou Emiya called to his best friend on his way back from his job at the blacksmith. He had had a good day, other than the fact that his boss had yelled at him for making a spoon with a bladed edge.
“Yo Emiya” replied Shiki nonchalantly as she made her way to the forest to go……stab…something…? Honestly, what did she do for fun? “Where are you going?”
“Mhm!” Shirou replied energetically. Shiki was always willing to accompany him on his monster slaying adventures (two hours of jumping at shadows on the outskirts of town). True, she got a little energetic when it came to the part about the actual slaying (even though they never got to do any), but she totally complimented him on how pointy his swords were. “Everyone’s been saying that The Old Cave on the Outskirts of Town has been glowing and making weird noises lately—“
“Why does the cave have such a stupid name?” wondered Shiki aloud.
“—So that means that a monster has probably taken up residence inside!” continued Shirou without hearing her. “It’s up to us to go put an end to it!”
If Shirou had paid any attention at all over the past years, he would have probably realized that any monsters had been avoiding Hometown like the plague for the past decade. If he paid attention a little harder, he would have realized that this was about the time his family moved in. Then again, his attention span to anything that didn’t involve swords or being a hero was roughly equivalent to that of a goldfish on speed.
Shiki really didn’t care about anything he said except for the end. “There’s stabbing involved, right?” she asked.
Another great thing that an attention span did. Alerting you when your one and only friend is a complete sociopath.
Shirou had to think about this one for a moment. “Well…it could be slashing…or hacking…or lunging…or even slapping…” Multiple functionalities. Swords were cool like that.
“But stabbing is a definite possibility?” Shiki asked again. This was a very important question.
“…Yes.”
“Perfect. I’m coming along” she said in a dismissive tone.
Shirou grinned. Best. Friend. Ever. “Yes! This afternoon is going to be awesome! I need to choose what sword to bring!” If one listened closely, it could be inferred that this was said in the same tone as a high school girl who was trying to choose a prom dress.
Shiki’s mind was elsewhere however. “Just a monster? Ah well” she sighed. Monsters weren’t as interesting to murder as humans, but it was good practice, and she hadn’t stabbed anything at all recently. Meh, you dealt with what you got. Might as go fetch her murder-knife…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*On a hill overlooking Hometown*
“Master, I have serious reservations about this” complained the purple woman for the umpteenth time that day.
“Rider! You have your orders, so follow them to the letter! I will make the decisions; you will carry them out! I thought we went over this when we renegotiated your contract!” spoke back the garbled voice from the crystal ball.
“We did, Master. However, I still believe I am allowed to give constructive criticism when appropriate.”
“And what, pray tell, would that be?”
“That this whole operation is stupid.”
“Well—!...Too…Too bad! The overlord demands it so carry out the mission! Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly developed moral reservations.” The last part was spat out like a wad of poison.
“Master, you are perfectly aware that my morality is situational at best. My complaints about this assignment are purely professional.”
“…Go on.”
“First of all, why did we bother sending the entire army to wipe out one small village without any defenses? Secondly, why was it necessary to send us on a week long trek through the mountains when our fortress is just across the river from here? And thirdly…” she droned, taking fearful glances back towards her tent. “…Why was I assigned three female slaves to keep me company at night?”
“One: Because overkill is totally evil. Two: Because surprise attacks are totally evil. Three: Because being a pimp is totally evil, and cool too. I don’t see why you’re complaining about the last one though. It seems more like a bonus than anything.”
“…Master, I am a woman.”
“Yes, your point?”
“Did you ask me if I was interested in other women?”
“…Do I care?”
“Next time, please do. I don’t consider myself grounded in either sexuality, but it’s the principle of the thing.”
“Not my problem” the voice concluded happily. “Just wipe the village off the map and I’ll give you as many young men as you can handle.”
“Master, that wasn’t—never mind” Rider sighed, giving up to save herself a migraine. “I will commence Operation…ah…How Totally Evil We Are immediately.”
“Good! Send pictures! See if you can get some action shots of people fleeing in terror. I love those.”
“I’ll have the painters get right on that” replied Rider through gritted teeth. “Connection off.”
The glowing ball dimmed.
“There has got to be a decent ‘Evil Henchman’ union I could join” sighed Rider.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Pffftttt....
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's fucking hilarious! Continues this please.
Underneath the Stars
Spoiler:
Spoiler:
This is amazing and must be continued and based on the stuttering the Evil Overlord in this is Rin. Also Shirou and Shiki's friendship is hilarious.
xD
Oh dear lord, this is going places.
The prospect of their child frightens me on a primal level. My damaged psyche demands more.
...
Pfft!
*snigger*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaaaaaa... *falls over*
Righto, that was incredible. Carry on good sir.
Very nice. Plus, the "plot" seems fairly solid, for all the parody-ness so far.
I fear when the real Ryougi Shiki catches up with Shirou LOL
Oh God this makes me laugh like crazy!
You can't make an omelet without breaking a few Tohsaka. -Fafnir
Naruto is just a shitty little boy taking up space that would be otherwise taken up by competent, otaku-ego-crushing badasses. -Five_X
I anticipate the day when the HA translation comes out and everyone realizes that Caren is the least sexually dominant character in the universe. -Kotonoha
Gun control programs are actually a mage-financed government plot to make mankind start generating hero units again. -McJon
...
Riven?
Riven, YES. DO MORE OF THIS.
Ryougi and Rider were the best parts.
Spoiler:Spoiler:
My Work:
Heroes of Justice
Semi-Random Pieces and Drabbles
Diaries of a Youthful Maiden
??? - new project, coming soon (by Valve time)
Riven, you had me hooked by 'vegan dragons', and a whole lot of other stuff (like the mayor and his talk about needing a pub) made this PURE WIN. More of this will definitely be good, yes
'Fae is Foul' - My SAO/ZnT Crossover fanfic (SB Thread) (FFN Link)
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