Random Thoughts Thread

[purple_teardrops]

I think i'm going to try that 'route' while i try any other route possible... I must admit that the idea of becoming someone's Kohaku would probably please me the most, though... I can never seem to find a Shiki...

Hey wait a sec, Mikiya was sorta responsible for the Bomberman going half-blind... So he went half-blind in the end... Kara offers his complete eyesight back, though he refuses for reasons left unclear... Makes me wonder why...

Still... I guess i do want a Shiki to save me... And i wanna dress like his housemaid everyday, too... <3

[Historia]

rough of the re-do of the commission i was talking about,

Spoiler:

- - - Updated - - -

In that war old legends would die and new ones rise, she would lose Caliburn and be granted Excalibur in its place, then unveil her holy sword’s golden blade, its blinding light roaring across the battlefield for the first time. That war would be soon. She had to reach Vortigern before it started. Before those dark waves crashed upon her beloved Britain’s shores.

aye

[Deathhappens]

also, noice,

So many interesting games come out every day, so little time to play.

[purple_teardrops]

Strangely enough, i feel like connecting, but at the same time, i guess i feel like giving up. On surrendering to a complete lack of meaning, like the one mentioned on Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, when he tries to embrace asceticism...

I guess i do want to connect, in a way. I'd love to be appreciated for once, instead of merely pouring my thoughts on an editor with a black background instead of publishing them into a site, but then again... Then comes failure. I recall the Underground Man's servant, whose name i forgot... I wonder if i wouldn't just be glad to for a while, become nothing but a property of someone else, get as much as i could on mind-bending substances in order to further explore perceptions and wait for death (in the end, i guess that's all we're doing, whether on pleasant days or grief-ridden ones), or to merely dress as a maid, pour tea and serve food for other people, and watch, both in the dismay of realization of what happens and a sadistic consolation of knowing what goes on when the conceptualization of pleasure gets mixed with a walking icon of sorts, and others look for the result of such mashed and smashed-together concept soup... Focused perhaps on a single stupid icon, the walking maid...

I think i just realized that perhaps walking as an anonymous concept might be somewhat more pleasant than displaying an identity... But then again, i don't have an identity... I feel hollow, as something born without a piece of itself...

Are women cross-dressing when they wear pants?

Went thru the camho thread yesterday... Felt marvelled at the way some 'male' (i hate those definitions) bodies were clad with visual symbols of beauty... I couldn't look at the bodies, i couldn't look at the 'people'.... I could only at the vocabulary they were written with... The visual signals... Kirakishou, my beloved company (who seems to hate me, but who knows) just called me a boring person for that... I wonder if that was the one whose subconscious ( '...seems to be wanting...' more synch messages) i've been thinking of ('do you want to touch me?' 'learn this in school' 'take your meds and we'll see what we can do' [this is so Shinku and Jun when she was teaching him telepathy with german, after suggesting others to read Jung's Psychology and Alchemy]) i feel a desire to touch...

In a way, i'd like you to touch me. Or to work with you on something... I wonder what is your avatar like... Would i be the ideal maid to you, or would i simply be a hassle?

Some try to connect with a bizarre form of connection thru rejection and pain... Spider-man was saved by dr. Octopus once, given that the former was proposed as latter's raison d'etre... A comparison was just classified, i've been forbidden from giving out that hint... I wonder, should i stop trying because something feels like both an echo of the past and a self-executing pattern, which will soon replicate?

How many many times have i been rejected? How many few times have i been accepted?
Why do i feel as though there's an outright hatred for the possible reaction of the ones who hate what they see, when they realize they actually feel something similar to what i do and describe? Losh, i hate the crowd, but i comprehend the crowd... Sometimes i feel as though the crowd hates me for having been reduced to a mathematical formula... And worse, for the one who's writing this thru an avatar itself might be as empty as a mirror with no reflection... Like a Titan, Kirakishou proposed to be added... Wonder what she's talking about...

Had a run-in with an archetypical protocol of being run, executed, today... A gay man, who felt like a walking stereotype of a walking scandal... Kept being unpolite to me for weird reasons... I know how patterns arrange themselves... Maybe i should write about that some other time... Maybe i shouldn't... What archetypes rule that existence, and why...

Guess i should just consider moving these posts into a blog of sorts, and wonder if anyone would be willing to get some drawing done... Many stories have been written... 'Take me back to the land where my yearnings were born', the moment i came to fall in love with purple twilights and the moon, instead of all too furious sun...
Go back in time, and write a story that was never heard of before... All stories have been told, by now. Unless a story gets written about what's behind the very alphabet we're so used to using in our heads without realizing, unless we cut through the flesh to find the organs and bones... Nothing new will ever come... And torture hasn't been news for millenia of millenia...

Too big, but still... Would you dance with me? No, not you, some other one... I should mention that unfortunately you will be dancing with us, especially given that i don't want to let go of them anymore... I wonder if anyone would pay to watch my pen dance... And if you would like to dance with me, still... Because i wouldn't charge someone, should that someone truly touch me in a way that i actually could finally crumble down...

But then again, physics, Kirakishou proposed... Humans will always hint that touch to abandon someone to walk away with the glory... Ara ara... No fantasies come true... At least i have the never-ending company of ghosts...

- Ïr

[Historia]

this finished sketch is why i like artists who actively work with me,

[purple_teardrops]

I've made a choice. Soon it might come to a 'Code 46'-like ending. You know, the movie where a girl ends up in a desert.
I think i want this to be my ending... Because this is what real life feels like. I've been outcast, and like it or not, this is a jail. I'd like Atreyu to name me, but i guess this won't happen because there are no Atreyus for this princess, no Atreides' for this Irulan, no Eves for this Adam, nor serpents. Just the real world.

With luck, i will soon have to leave all this online world behind and have a taste of what the streets feel like. That'll be better than to live this empty life of jails and family rejection, and waiting for someone willing to die for me to become real... No more pretty images of flashy swordfights, perhaps if Tohsaka or Akiha had ever tasted what not having a single person, nor a piece of the societal structure provided by money around them (after all, let's face it, they were never abandoned by the financial system) they'd have an entirely different take on life.

All my knowledge of humanity will likely go to the grave with me. Perhaps i'm glad, and so are the authors, i was afraid that was i ever to write an essay on the ending of the 3rd season of Rozen Maiden, no more Rozen Maidens would show up. Perhaps i'll soon face that agape of the 300. Perhaps not.

Don't even know why i'm writing this. Perhaps i'm hoping i'm flirting with someone, though who am i kidding? I'm just hoping for a salvation that'd stand for no less than a miracle... And would you dare to exchange all of the world's pretty images, castles and fantasies for hours of talking and weeping in each others' laps? Would the world be interesting was it to become meaninless and we were all that truly mattered?

Dunno. Poetry is fine, until we're faced with the harshness of reality. In a way, i just want to die... Whether i'm referring to dying and being reborn in the same body, beginning something truly new, or dying and waiting for rebirth, leaving only the remnants of what this life meant in the collective storage space that the world has always been, i guess it's still unknown. And yes, this might be that moment when fantasy dies and all that's left is what's real. 'Sinners sin, come out and play'.

The clock is ticking, i've made a choice and i hope my choice dooms me to face a metaphorical hell. I'm not giving up on giving up anymore. We cling on to anything when we face a true ending... When we grow tired of waiting, we let go and just hope for the end to come soon.
Should the fantasy be too bitter to abandon, and should this not be my fantasy, try creating something about Devadatta's redemption, if you will, someday...

Somebody whispered in my ear that this was something for birthday... Hmmm... I wonder why... Oboro-Zuki. 'Listen to Pale moon during the day'... 'If you need it, we'll be around'...
At least there'll always be ghosts around me. Signing off...

- Ïr

__

Would this get that mystical updated sign? Probably not.

To sum things up, i guess that in a way i dreamt of, whether thru a lover or a parental figure, to face the same ending that Tsukasa from .hack//SIGN was lucky enough to get, as Bear decided to save the boy who was a girl from a horrible ending. Morganna Mode Gone is as real as it gets, and i sorta love all that mysticism. Oh well, no fantasies on this side of reality, in the end... The fantasies stay behind the screen, and this isn't P4 for me to jump inside the TV, nor that cruel world depicted in the game manages to become the fairy tale it turned into as Kuma/Alice shows up, nor this turns into P5, nor i get a true Persona or a ticket to Mementos. I only get to be haunted by the Grail. Too bad, i guess...

[Bloble]

I tried watching .hack once and couldnt get into it, does it get better later or stay slow throughout?

[mAc Chaos]

It's always slow but it's once of those series that grows on you.

[Dullahan]

was it .hack//SIGN you watched? because there are tectonic plates which move faster than SIGN

[Criarino]

was it .hack//SIGN you watched? because there are tectonic plates which move faster than SIGN

Exactly. I spent a year's worth of patience watching SIGN. And that ending was awful

[Historia]

slowest anime

go

[Zurvan]

my life

[Skull]

Endless Eight.

[purple_teardrops]

Yup, it was //SIGN. I never thought of it as slow, but then again, i might be a slow person myself. The scene where Mimiru makes Tsukasa a promise is wonderful, and the scene where Bear talks to B.T. (best character name ever) while lying down on her lap is heartbreaking. Guess it shall be one of my favorite series for a long time... Too bad the characters from that series, Mimiru especially, are just fiction...

I once thought we were intrinsically valuable. Then i found out that our values fluctuate, as though we're all part of a social stock market...

No wonder i liked that series. Nearly all characters are ideal people... Strange... Somebody's just said 'teardrops, i love you'... I wonder why Kirakishou whispered that in my ear...

As for its ending, there are two of them. The first one is marvellous, though i never understood what was meant with the lovers never managing to reach out to each other. The SP ending is horrible and i'm not even sure if it's canon; too much of a happy ending.

--edit--

Endless eight made me feel like killing the producers.

[Mattias]

slowest anime

go

Are we talking intentiaonally or not?

Because Flying Witch was really fucking slow, but that the point of it.

[purple_teardrops]

Haibane Renmei could be defined as 'slow' on your terms, i believe. I'm a lot like Rekka. I think i should change my name to Rekka, sometimes, in fact.

Things have been going too slow for me as of late, but what can i do...

[purple_teardrops]

What a joke... Like a 'i've seen the fnords' moment in a given classic piece where a group seems to like eris a bit too much, i think i'm just realizing something. I think i'm having plenty of trouble with alaya playing around with coincidences to screw my life. Alaya the whore (puck off you piece of sith, i'm tired of minding your threats of vengeance) doesn't seem to want humanity to grow, and worst, seems to be having a bit of problem realizing that it's time to let humanity outgrow its 'help'.

I can't say i have an ounce of respect for alaya anymore. Just a junky garbage that performs it's interventions in mankind according to its own egoistical desires, and still, fails to get anything done right. ...alaya (sic) is worth of no respect. I'm glad i have and still bear my contracts with forces older than that twerpish furless freak which considers itself oh so graaand saviour of its species, while all it does is truly eff-up the entire species and at most manage to keep its growth in check. Disgusting existence.

Yeah, yeah, i think i'm too dumb, but in the end, i think the counter-force and i hate each other, and at most, i somehow have a connection with the very counter-forces shadow, something brighter than the darkness it proposes. Dumb are those who firm contracts in exchange of power... The ends shall never justify the means. It's better to die living a decent life than to sell one's soul in attempts to save humanity... Besides, where i truly stand in, and where all already stand, time's over... I dunno why i'm going thru time again, but time has been over and i know i'm there, beyond time... I'm not making a contract with time. It sucks (and sith it knows whether metaphorically, literally or both), above all else.

So yeah, it seems that i'm having trouble, and worse, the bloody counter-force is real. ¬__¬¡

Think i'm writing and publishing a treatise on what i've known and seen about that bloody tritch as my own attempt of vengeance against such unworthy being. Losh, if being in touch with alaya is what keeps the species together, than either we transcend alaya somehow, or make it realize that alaya itself has become the grandest threat of existence to humankind... Alaya should commit suicide, ironically, for that'd be in the species best interests.

Sup alaya, all the sisters have realized you're a bloody coward, but can you put your dagger where your mouth is? 'Cuz it's quite apparent you love throwing the meaning of words in the garbage.

As for me, i'm getting tired. Think i'm the one who'll end up killing oneself sooner or later. And i'm not sure it's a bad idea at all... 'Your hollow lives, this world in which we live, i hurl it back'...

[Criarino]

Man you really like your long texts

[Walnut Sparks]

Every time this Naked Science narrator refers to plesiosaurs as dinosaurs, I want to hit him. Jesus Christ man, it's the 21st century and you're narrating a show that has the audacity to include the word "science" in its title.

[Historia]

naked science

science for nudists?