So much buried, much like in that movie... Why do the children die as the world that was promised to them crumbles to dust? Will something be left of me?
The promise of that winterland blonde boy, living his bitter childhood as he looks back at me as i look at him... I wonder...
oh hey look, another movie added to the backlog,
and,
I want a new avatar
sparky sparky boom manOriginally Posted by Zurvan
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also
Decided to have some of the Servants sheets I did commissioned. I'm definitely doing Celtchar and Yuenu. Other than a few more illustrations for the AoT stuff, I'll be done with commissions for a good while.
Mindless Self-Indulgence
shit BL says
Once and always and nevermore.
In case a given bird reads this, you have e-mail.
Favorite song, i guess...
A few minutes ago, i looked a picture of a person i once loved... Kirakishou seems to hate me and know me from those days, who would have said... Funny, now that i think about that, i used to follow the gut feeling a certain ghost of sorts handed me... Dunno why it hates me so much right now... I remember the nephandi tale of the opening of Mage the Ascension... Maybe i somehow had a similar fate... I never saw my own avatar...
I keep waiting for a solution of my situation, and i keep somehow turning into something different... But i guess i'm not in the mood to talk too much right now. Probably due to excess coffee. I keep waiting for princi to show up, and i think this life is about to be cut out into an ending, no matter what that ending becomes...
I hope for a good ending, but honestly, any ending will do. Whether it'll end or i'll put an end to it by putting an end to myself, well, that remains to be seen...
ora ora
He never sleeps. He never dies.
Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight.
No matter the question, suicide is never the right answer. Never. Don't even consider it an option.
shit BL says
Once and always and nevermore.
To tell you the truth, i feel like debating your statement, but i'm not sure the forum's rules allow it. A given moderator's current avatar with a tambourine do feel like a subtle hint. I guess it should be confirmed whether it'll result in a ban before the debate takes place, or at least such debate should take place in some neutral ground where the rules don't forbit such talks.
By the way, considering your nickname, this conversation theme does feel funny.
drool
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Perhaps... But then again, how far are we both willing to go?
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While never the one to turn down a chance for a debate, I am quite irrationally immovable on the subject; Suicide might solve someone else's problems, but not for the suicide themselves. Not an escape, but a denial of there ever being an escape. We may not know what Comes After, but what we do know is that nobody has ever come back to tell us. Best, then, to treat this as your only shot rather than hope for a do-over.
As for the name, well, you could interpret it as a lackadaisically philosophical observation of the transience of life... or just something a teenager came up with that somehow stuck.
shit BL says
Once and always and nevermore.
yo you better talk about this
its rt no one cares
also this is a n unironic interesting topic
I'm not kidding, discuss
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mac ora'd my VM wall hours ago, him ora'ing doesn't mean you'll get into trouble
this is a special zurv guarantee, you'll be safe from harm, from me that is
The thing is that all that's happening points to a situation with no resolutions in sight: although i have made some progress in trying to get in contact with people willing to try to get me out of the brainwash facility i'm currently locked in, i'm still locked in here, and in case those people fail to get me out, i don't think anybody intends to get me out. This essentially means an unknown length of time in this private-owned jail, with no lawyers, in case the people i know fail to somehow set me free.
I've been trying to keep myself isolated and alone, mostly because most people are abusive, here. The kindest person is a rather sad narcissist, who seems to try to 'pleasantly' manipulate me to one's own goals, ironically because, i presume, one feels how sweet i am. Still, the only reasons i have for living resumes itself to my wait for freedom... The fact is, though, that i doubt that i'll be set free in less than one year, not to mention that the local staff will probably try to get me legally branded as insane, in order for somebody to get one's hands on my cash.
This isn't life.
I've decided to simply end it all, should my hopes implode. I've been suffering a lot as of late, and the only reason i'm still able to wake up is that a few people decided to help me... Wasn't it so, i would have killed myself a long time ago.
Life's lost its meaning. And besides, given that i do remember some of my past lives, i'm not truly concerned that my existence will end. I just want to stop suffering, and perhaps be able to lie down on a gentle person's lap, with a huge pot cigarette in hand. I have one chance of being saved...
Should it fail, well... Death is always an alternative. Better to die than to rot is this disgusting private-owned jail and brainwash facility...
Should we approach my current favorite subject of archetypes, i remember when i used to melt away when thinking about actually finally crumbling down under the care of someone else... I simply don't dream about that anymore, although i know that's what a i want behind the scar tissue... Funny, i can't even believe in love, anymore, in a way....
Guess my dreams were shattered. No reason to continue dreaming this world..
I'm going to quote Dumas here in a line that, ironically, has come to prominence (aka, as Dullahan would put it, #trending on #twitter) of late via none other than Fate: Wait, and Hope. Fac et Spera, written in Latin as the closing line. Even as the Count of Monte Cristo endured hell in L'Isle d'If, everyone goes through their own trials in life. I'm not going to sugar it; life largely sucks, there's always bills to pay, people are annoying and noisy, you can never quite find that thing you wanted and if you do it turns out it's not quite as good as you envisioned it...
Happiness exists in the gaps. The joke that coworker said that was dumb but dang, it got a laugh out of you, somehow. Cold water on a hot summer day. A teensy tiny surge of personal success when you finally manage some annoying task that gave you trouble perfectly. Don't wait for that prince on the white horse or the mysterious millionaire to come along and sweep your problems away: the horse was stopped at Customs, and the IRS took a sudden interest in the millionaire's tax reports. Carve out your own little bit of happiness, day in and day out.
(Yeah, another reason I don't want to debate it is that I inevitably end up sounding like a cross between a therapist and a toothpaste ad).
Last edited by Deathhappens; April 16th, 2019 at 12:42 AM.
shit BL says
Once and always and nevermore.
Well, then, consider that reality might adapt somewhat to what the majority of people are willing to do, perhaps because the majority of people might as well be doing something like "casting the spell named reality"... Let's presume this has to do with the Grail proposed in Persona 5 Animation (and game, though i haven't played it)... Considering that our lives are mostly ruled by ebbs ands flows that seem related to economy, wouldn't life just suck because most people are actually willing to throw their lives and happiness away for mere crumbs of bread?
Unless the economical tides and waves of life change through less people accepting the abuse, i guess the abuse won't stop coming. Most people here are willing to accept the abuse of being locked down. I accepted the abuse last time it was done (spent 14 months in a private prison disguised as a rehab facility), kept thinking about killing myself every day... And here i am, once more incarcerated again, though under slightly better conditions; whomever locked me here likely knew that i was considering suicide before.
I remember realizing that a given legal dissociative drug could somehow deprive me of the feeling of asphyxiation... Disappearing under a river like Virgina Woolf might have been a good idea...
In the end, either someone saves me or i'm putting an end to this. Besides, death shall be my own way of protesting, and should a dead body get found in here, i think i can shut down the entire facility. Can't say i'm happy about sacrificing myself, but at least i'll have left this body behind... Wonder if a given rose wouldn't mind shaving off her spikes to allow me to lie down on the lap of her stem, so that i could cry all the sorrows of my life...
Last edited by purple_teardrops; April 16th, 2019 at 05:53 AM.
One more corpse won't change a thing, there's no sacrifice here
You only can hope to save yourself, the world will not
And here I hoped this at least had potential to open eyes
Alas
Again, to be blunt: That's just being a brat. "Either life goes my way or I quit". You know you don't really want to die, or you wouldn't be discussing so earnestly with strangers, looking for an excuse not to go through with it. To quote Chris Avellone this time: "Endure. In enduring, grow strong". If life gives you lemons, don't just take them, demand to see life's manager! BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS!
oddly appropriate song I was just listening to
shit BL says
Once and always and nevermore.
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