Originally Posted by
purple_teardrops
The thing is that all that's happening points to a situation with no resolutions in sight: although i have made some progress in trying to get in contact with people willing to try to get me out of the brainwash facility i'm currently locked in, i'm still locked in here, and in case those people fail to get me out, i don't think anybody intends to get me out. This essentially means an unknown length of time in this private-owned jail, with no lawyers, in case the people i know fail to somehow set me free.
I've been trying to keep myself isolated and alone, mostly because most people are abusive, here. The kindest person is a rather sad narcissist, who seems to try to 'pleasantly' manipulate me to one's own goals, ironically because, i presume, one feels how sweet i am. Still, the only reasons i have for living resumes itself to my wait for freedom... The fact is, though, that i doubt that i'll be set free in less than one year, not to mention that the local staff will probably try to get me legally branded as insane, in order for somebody to get one's hands on my cash.
This isn't life.
I've decided to simply end it all, should my hopes implode. I've been suffering a lot as of late, and the only reason i'm still able to wake up is that a few people decided to help me... Wasn't it so, i would have killed myself a long time ago.
Life's lost its meaning. And besides, given that i do remember some of my past lives, i'm not truly concerned that my existence will end. I just want to stop suffering, and perhaps be able to lie down on a gentle person's lap, with a huge pot cigarette in hand. I have one chance of being saved...
Should it fail, well... Death is always an alternative. Better to die than to rot is this disgusting private-owned jail and brainwash facility...
Should we approach my current favorite subject of archetypes, i remember when i used to melt away when thinking about actually finally crumbling down under the care of someone else... I simply don't dream about that anymore, although i know that's what a i want behind the scar tissue... Funny, i can't even believe in love, anymore, in a way....
Guess my dreams were shattered. No reason to continue dreaming this world..