ya linked chapter 1 here, not chapter 2.Originally Posted by Elf
ya linked chapter 1 here, not chapter 2.
Well, one can get to chapter two at the bottom of the page. Its for all the people who haven't read it yet.
Which they should, because it is awesome.
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Jennifer...language=en_US
Forest is a vampire who's a bit too good for her own good and doesn't know when to leave things alone. Armed with a ridiculously large hand gun, martial arts skills, a bitching pony car, and a love for pop culture she fights the forces of evil. Urban Fantasy 80's Style.
derp, i dun see the drop down menu, lol.
I got a good laugh from post-scuffle bar scene. Keep up the good work~
I'm working on it, honest!
Voted!
“Love will be cruel to who it entices — love will have its sacrifices.”
— Carmilla Theme
"Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference."
―Jim Butcher, Vignette
Yuri ship where.
Oh, and voted.
Last edited by RadiantBeam; April 1st, 2013 at 10:03 PM.
So er Elf, I gave your story a try.
First 5 seconds:
Chuckling, he pulled the Slim Jim from his jacket pocket and slid into the window seal.
You're lucky it's late, I'm tired, or I would so tear into this like...like...like a thing that tears into things.
I'll read the rest later, doesn't seem too bad.
Last edited by ratstsrub; April 2nd, 2013 at 01:39 AM.
Read and voted on Chapter 2! I'm actually kind of fascinated that the people abducting and selling children consider a human child and a newly-turned vampire fledgling (but who was an adult human before the change) to both be "children," which suggests that there's much more going on than just generic anti-child evil. That's a nice touch. I also laughed out loud at "But they're men!" (paraphrasing here) Forest continues to be an appealing character; I love her quirks (come to think of it, enhanced vampire senses would make something like orange juice from concentrate less palatable) and I continue to have many happy feelings about the fact that you have been willing to:
1) Make your lead character a true supernatural, rather than just a human being (or a human being with powers);
2) Give her a reason rooted in character history why she wouldn't be a follower of a Christian religion (another one of my pet peeves in UF is that so often magic is treated as "Your Very Generic Neo-Pagan, Non-Christian Faith Gives You Magic Powers"; thank you for instead treating Forest's faith as a proper part of her character instead)
3) Allow her to keep rooted in human morality despite her age and vampirism (I know, this sounds very much like a contradiction of point #1 above, but really what I'm saying is that a person doesn't have to be biologically human to be a person rather than some kind of alien monster--it's the Fae I expect to show alien motivations because they come from an alien culture.)
On the down side, this chapter had a considerable number of editing flaws that stood out. Especially significant were things like missing hyphens (that is, words that should be hyphenated instead being written as two words) and a number of places where words/concepts that were not proper nouns being written as if they were (in other words, things that a spellchecker would not have the ability to catch). I have no idea if it was true or not, but the impression it gave me was that you were rushing to make a deadline and didn't have the time to be as careful with the proofreading as you otherwise would be. Since JukePop does not allow you to edit chapters after they're released (unlike, say, when Moczo e-publishes stories on Amazon and one of his readers catches a typo), that does create a bit of trouble--those of us here, obviously, aren't going to turn away from your work because of a few typos, but the "random interested stranger" votes are out there, too. (Now I feel like I'm nitpicking... *sigh* )
Anyway, please, keep the chapters coming. You've got me hooked! (I also notice that once again, you're deliberately inviting that "cliffhanger chapter ending" pattern which is deliberately suited to the serial fiction format in which you're publishing the story; I like that you're deliberately showing awareness of the medium and not just cut-and-pasting chapters of a standard novel--it enhances my enjoyment of reading the story in this one-installment-at-a-time fashion!)
Quotes & Stuff...No, no stuff, just quotes
Ironically, the original idea for Forest came from the sheer lack of female "heroic" vampires. There was Nick Knight from "Forever Knight" and Angel over on BtVS (she was created way before Spike got his soul), and the beginning of the paranormal romance front where Every.Single. Vampire. Good Person. Was Male. The female vampires were restricted to the jealous ex or straight up villaness route. Which always pissed me off. So, Forest grew out of that. Ironically, I gave her a masculine name though.
Ironically, I do have two people proofing it for me. Both Roadbuster and Mozco. (Also Faerie is suppose to be capitalized. It's a thing.)
Thank you very much. Honestly, in "Scream Queen" a lot of the chapters are set up that way as well. It's also true of the Harry Dresden books.
Also, 55 votes so far. Thank you everyone.
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Jennifer...language=en_US
Forest is a vampire who's a bit too good for her own good and doesn't know when to leave things alone. Armed with a ridiculously large hand gun, martial arts skills, a bitching pony car, and a love for pop culture she fights the forces of evil. Urban Fantasy 80's Style.
Read and voted.
My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
And we're ten years later and it's still completely frickin' true! Okay, once in a while a female vampire lead comes along in a paranormal romance, but immediately they're paired with a More Uber Than Thou male just so that we can't forget how weak and in need of a man they are. *bitterly sarcastic eyeroll* (Hm, I'd better stop here; RadiantBeam knows just how much of a rant I can go off on with regard to the role of women in the romance genre.) Ergo, my enjoyment of Forest as an outlier is still fully justified!
This is where I would crack a joke about how Moczo has me help proofread some of his original stuff, but I can't do that because it would mean that anytime people find a typo in his work they could then point and mock me. =) So I'll have to remain silent.Ironically, I do have two people proofing it for me. Both Roadbuster and Mozco. (Also Faerie is suppose to be capitalized. It's a thing.)
(In all seriousness, though, I wasn't counting Faerie; it doesn't have to be capitalized (unless referring to the place, of course, which is a proper noun), but it's a common usage for race names in fantasy/UF to be treated as proper nouns. Some examples would be "European Metal" (should be "European metal"; musical genre names are not generally treated as proper nouns), "Screwdriver," "Highway Robbery," and especially "Waxing Crescent." Actually, those aren't examples; they're the entire list!)
56, now (I noticed you'd gotten another one when I nipped over to check the chapter!)Thank you very much. Honestly, in "Scream Queen" a lot of the chapters are set up that way as well. It's also true of the Harry Dresden books.
Also, 55 votes so far. Thank you everyone.
- - - Updated - - -
And now we know why.
Quotes & Stuff...No, no stuff, just quotes
Well, I'll always can use another pair of eyes if anyone wants to volunteer.
There's 57 votes up there now. Can you guys get me up to 60 by tomorrow?
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Jennifer...language=en_US
Forest is a vampire who's a bit too good for her own good and doesn't know when to leave things alone. Armed with a ridiculously large hand gun, martial arts skills, a bitching pony car, and a love for pop culture she fights the forces of evil. Urban Fantasy 80's Style.
Finally freaking voted! Sorry Elf, my procrastination was working against you this time.
Lancer x Archer OTPSpoiler:
Tonight, after a bout of illness and overtime at work keeping me down, something magical happened. Chapter Three went live! If you haven't gotten a chance to check out The Law Unto Herself Chronicles, please do!
Also our own Mozco has his own serial up!
Go check out Eviction Notice, the first part of the "Prices Negotiable" series. For the right price, Eric Margrave will bring down almost any supernatural creature causing trouble. In "Eviction Notice", Margrave's newest choice of affordable safe housing is more than the simple haunting he expected. If you're a fan of The Dresden Files, then I'd really recommend this story to you, fair readers!
Also, please remember to vote!
We get reimbursed depending on how many votes we get, and voting is easy as pie and you can vote for each chapter.
And if you wanna comment on our literary talents-or lack there of, the comment set up that JukePop created is very user friendly.
So read, enjoy, and review!
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Jennifer...language=en_US
Forest is a vampire who's a bit too good for her own good and doesn't know when to leave things alone. Armed with a ridiculously large hand gun, martial arts skills, a bitching pony car, and a love for pop culture she fights the forces of evil. Urban Fantasy 80's Style.
Already voted for Moczo, but I also voted for chapter 3 of your story, Elf.
Voted for both of them!
Lancer x Archer OTPSpoiler:
Voted for both! Thanks for also plugging Moczo's story, Elf; I hadn't known he was putting it there.
I'm getting the very distinct impression that werewolves in "The Law Unto Herself Chronicles" are rather much like those in the classic movie Werewolf of London, where Dr. Yogami describes them as being neither man nor wolf, but a Satanic combination of the worst traits of both. I'm interested by the fact that they are cursed, and yet operate in a pack structure. It's a combination seen in other UF series as well, where, essentially, a group of disease sufferers have banded together to create a subculture for themselves. Which implies, anthropologically speaking, that werewolves are way too damn common in this setting. Especially when "violent asshole" appears to be their default personality setting. Maybe Forest can thin the herd a bit.
The second point that hit me was another world-building note: that Forest had a negative reaction to a cross. You've already told us that Forest is not and never was a Christian, so it's not a tie to her own past that's relevant, and I very strongly doubt it's meant to imply that Christian theology is correct in this setting as opposed to other religions. So now I'm curious about that point as well: is it therefore any holy or religious symbol that's antithetical to vampires? Or is something else going on. So that's twice, now, in this chapter that you've introduced a point into the story which has me asking myself more questions about the underlying world-setting. (And, I may add, where you've resisted the urge to infodump with the answers to those questions in a place where it'd be inappropriate for the action of the story!
And I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the Roman Bastard proper noun joke. Not only was it funny in and of itself, but it takes a big woman to make fun of yourself out of your own tendency to capitalize common nouns as if they were proper nouns ("Rap," "No Kill," and "Jill" would be the offenders this time; you also have a tendency to use it for emphasis ("Bad and Nasty," "Happily Ever After," and "Happy Ends") or to highlight general concepts to imply their formal status in-universe ("Untouched," "Sire"), but those aren't mistakes per se)! So the meta-humor made me laugh all the harder. Good work!
On that theme, I think you may have meant "debutante" rather than "debutant" although the latter is not technically a misspelling but a different word.
Also, the Ghoul Queen is scary as hell. The little-girl-as-supernatural-mega-horror by itself always gets the corrupted-innocence vibe going, but introducing that after she'd already frozen up a room full of vampires added creepy on top of threat level, creating genuine scariness. Hope Forest doesn't have to go through her to get to the other end of the story alive!
Quotes & Stuff...No, no stuff, just quotes
... I would have plugged it here, but I had no idea this thread was a thing.
And hey, since Elf already linked it, I don't have to! This is just like the most convenient thing ever. Thank you to everyone who voted, of course. ^_^
And of course, I already voted for all of Elf's chapters, so I'd call us even.
Last edited by Moczo; May 17th, 2013 at 10:20 PM.
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Vote for all of the chapters.
Well, at the very least, y'all should vote for this one. New chapter is live as of now, boys and girls! Vote, vote like the wind.
Moczo's Amazon E-Publishing
Moczo's Smashwords E-Publishing
Voted!
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