Create-a-Servant

[Bird of Hermes]

Augustina seems alright but her Noble Phantasm feels somewhat underwhelming. I would either add more to it or give her another. Also given her nature I'd add Nature of a Rebelious Spirit instead of Charisma.

Odin is what I would expect however I have a few comments. Firstly he doesn't have a skill like Inate Wisdom which was kind of his thing (admittedly the skill doesn't have a description yet but you can make one up in the time being). Also I would switch out Rune Magic for Primordial Rune as that was the variation Brynhild possessed.

Crying, funny you should mention that, I have one in the works right now.

[Crying]

Ooh, ooh, who? Who? Tell me! I need my Yandere fix!

[Bird of Hermes]

Ooh, ooh, who? Who? Tell me! I need my Yandere fix!

She'll be up this afternoon

[Crying]

;_;

I still haven't gotten any answers on possible yandere Servants, though.

[Bird of Hermes]

;_;

I still haven't gotten any answers on possible yandere Servants, though.

Here's a clue: she will be related to one of the servants I have done before.

She also originates from Europe.

[Crying]

From looking at your Master Post, the best I can think of off the top of my head is Chang'e, Hou Yi's wife... but she's not really a yandere...

...she's also not from Europe...

[Bird of Hermes]

From looking at your Master Post, the best I can think of off the top of my head is Chang'e, Hou Yi's wife... but she's not really a yandere...

...she's also not from Europe...

Another clue, Western Europe.

[Erlking]

Augustina seems alright but her Noble Phantasm feels somewhat underwhelming. I would either add more to it or give her another. Also given her nature I'd add Nature of a Rebelious Spirit instead of Charisma.

Odin is what I would expect however I have a few comments. Firstly he doesn't have a skill like Inate Wisdom which was kind of his thing (admittedly the skill doesn't have a description yet but you can make one up in the time being). Also I would switch out Rune Magic for Primordial Rune as that was the variation Brynhild possessed.

Crying, funny you should mention that, I have one in the works right now.

For Odin, I was saving skills like Innate Wisdom and Clairvoyance for the Caster Class where they would fit better.

Where he a Lancer or Caster it would make him even more menacing. Lancer of course giving him the Proper Gungnir, which is functionally a less ritualized Gae Bolg that puts the instant death effect and the always hitting on every strike his spear makes, and Caster giving him full full access to the various types of magics he was known for along with possibly Clairvoyance EX from his throne and likely some rank in Revelation or perhaps a unique mystic eye from Mimir's Well.

As for using Rune Magic rather then Primordial Rune, the original Draft of him actually did have it, but it got switched later due to Primordial Rune not having a rank and weirdness arising from that. It seems odd for one of his Valkyries to have the same degree of skill as Odin himself in Runes, hell it seems odd to need to separate the skill from runes at all. Instead I simply went with a very high rank in Rune Magic to represent him being a Master but still have a variable skill level as in the Caster class he would get A+++, like Chinese martial arts which has A+++ be complete and total mastery.

[RoydGolden]

Augustina seems alright but her Noble Phantasm feels somewhat underwhelming. I would either add more to it or give her another. Also given her nature I'd add Nature of a Rebelious Spirit instead of Charisma.

I'm aware her NP feels a little underwhelming. Regarding giving her another one, I really can't think of any other feats she did that are NP eligible. I guess I could spin something off something about her serving under Wellington later on, but I have no idea what that would be...

I'm also a bit surprised Amaranth hasn't commented (yet), what with his love for Spanish heroes and all. Maybe she's just not wanked enough...

[Bird of Hermes]

Anyways, here is the servant in question. Probably not quite what you were expecting but if anyone is gonna to this to a queen of my country, may as well be me.

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Class: Lancer (Can be summoned as Berserker)
True Name: Mary Tudor 'Bloodstained Queen'
Alignment: Lawful Neutral (More correctfully Chaotic Evil)
Place of Origin: England

Strength- C+
Endurance- C
Agility- B+
Mana- C
Luck- E
NP- B

Height/Weight: 180cm/62kg
Likes: Husband, Child
Dislikes: Rebellion, Miscarriage
Talent: Hunting Heretics
Natural Enemy: Her Sister, Her Father

Class Skills:

• Magic Resistance (B) - Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected. Here Mary demonstrates high Magic Resistance due to her faith. However, it cannot resist the sacraments of the church.

Personal Skills:

• Charisma (B-) - The natural talent to command. Though at this rank one can lead a country, Mary does not have the capacity to be an effective sovereign.
• Discern Faith (B) - A skill that allows one to deduce the religion of another. At this rank, by mealy looking at another, she will know their faith. This is helpful in deducing the identity of another servant.
• Innocent Monster (A++) - An attribute possessed by Servants whose history and existence have been distorted by the monstrous reputations they accrued across the course of their life and thereafter. As a consequence, the Servant's abilities and appearance have been rendered to conform to the specifications of their legend. Incidentally, this personal skill cannot be removed. As such, her behaviour in the Holy Grail War is significantly more unhinged than it was in real life.
• Protection of the Faith (A+) - A Skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view. Despite being a form of divine protection, it is not a blessing from a higher existence. It is only the absoluteness of one's body and soul, which is born from faith. But if it is too high, it tends to cause abnormalities in the personality. She despises those of the Protestant faith, viewing them as "Sub-Human."

Noble Phantasm

Inquisition Bonfire of Heresy (Anti-Unit) (B) - Inquisition is a conceptual weapon manifesting in one of her most infamous deeds, her burning of over protestants during her reign. Much like Marys campaign, little remains of whatever it's used on. Mary summons a black and bloodied stake which binds itself to a target with indestructible chains where Mary can unleash a sea of hellfire, shrapnel, scalding pitch, and gale force winds upon the ensnared and can be likened to an inferno from hell, dealing more damage on those she declares "Heathens". It cannot by bypassed by Magic Resistance and act as rather a 'Divine Intervention' and is not a weapon that "Traps and Burns" but rather "Target is burned" meaning they will take damage no matter what happens during the altercation - the more one resists the flames, the more pain will be inflicted. It burns flesh to a crisp and reduces even the ground in its wake to slag.

Lore

England's Bloody Mary. First Queen-Regent of her country and the least-successful of the Tudors.

As a child, she was spoiled until her father took a second wife. She was effectively disowned and remained illegitimate as "Lady Mary". When her father died, she and her sister Elizabeth were overlooked for the sickly boy Edward due to being the only son. And in turn, when her brother died, tried to deny Mary the throne which she took by force. The beginning of her reign was marked by a massive procession amidst cheers and great festivities. Mary believed it was her faith that endeared her to the English people, but it was her status as a legitimate successor.

Upon becoming the first queen regnant of England, Mary immediately pushed to undo the work done by her father and half-brother. She sought to make Catholicism into a full-fledged state religion. Under her reign, the relationship between England and the Holy See was re-established and Protestant religious practices were all but outlawed. Those who defied this were branded as heretics and burned at the stake. She hated protestants and viewed them as "Sub-Human". Like her brother, Mary became gripped with illness which took her life. Alone and unloved, on her deathbed she had alienated her people and allies as she had become universally hated by her country leaving her sister as her sole heir. Elizabeth I was a marvellous queen who pushed England into a true golden era of rule.

She doesn't actually desire the grail. She only needs it because the circumstances demand her to obtain it in order to preserve the life she has with her Master for what she truly desires is an opportunity that she never had in life - to be a good wife and have children.

Upon summoning, she will imprint her twisted ideals upon her master and depending on their appearance and disposition, she will immediately think of them as a husband or child. She will initially be unconditionally sweet and caring of her master but will quickly become incredibly possessive of them.
The further her relationship with her master progresses, the quicker her mental state will deteriorate. She may become incredibly lustful and desire physical intimacy frequently in hopes of having as many children as possible with her "Husband". She may restrain her master against their will, such as nailing them to a chair, in order to "Take care of her child". She may end up kidnapping terrified children and eventually murdering them so she can "Be with them forever". If her master attempts to reject her, she will become murderous and inflict pain upon herself and her master in order to force them to accept her out of fear. Should that fail, she will kill them in order to be "Together Forever". In the case of her masters death she will have an unstoppable bout of grief and rampage until she finds a new master to imprint upon. Acting as if the previous one never existed.

Interestingly, her persona as 'Bloody Mary' based on folklore can also be summoned in the Lancer and Berserker class.

------------------------

So, here she is. Critique is appreciated.

[AvengerEmiya]

From looking at your Master Post, the best I can think of off the top of my head is Chang'e, Hou Yi's wife... but she's not really a yandere...

...she's also not from Europe...

Well, there's Saint Olga of Kiev. When her husband got killed by the Drevlians, she went full psycho on them - Burying the messengers they sent alive, burning their visiting governors up in locked houses, and setting fire to their city with flaming pigeons.

[RoydGolden]

Hermes: Seems like you more-or-less jammed together bits of other Mary Tudor sheets here (mine and Master Of Chaos's), not saying that's a bad thing. Inquisition NP is suitably fire-and-brimstone, very evocative imagery there. I like it. Reminds me a bit of my Romae Barbarae Virginis what with being 'divine intervention' and bypassing Endurance.

Wouldn't necessarily have imagined Mary as a 'yandere' but I have to say that it fits. As usual, such characters straddle the line between 'terrifying' and 'male fantasy'.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, there's Saint Olga of Kiev. When her husband got killed by the Drevlians, she went full psycho on them - Burying the messengers they sent alive, burning their visiting governors up in locked houses, and setting fire to their city with flaming pigeons.

I actually thought of making a sheet for her quite a while ago but I decided that the 'flaming birds' NP would be a little too similar to one I gave Samson.

[Bird of Hermes]

Hermes: Seems like you more-or-less jammed together bits of other Mary Tudor sheets here (mine and Master Of Chaos's), not saying that's a bad thing. Inquisition NP is suitably fire-and-brimstone, very evocative imagery there. I like it. Reminds me a bit of my Romae Barbarae Virginis what with being 'divine intervention' and bypassing Endurance.

Wouldn't necessarily have imagined Mary as a 'yandere' but I have to say that it fits. As usual, such characters straddle the line between 'terrifying' and 'male fantasy'.

This was the times I dived straight into making a character without looking at what had already been done to put an original twist on a sheet. Out of all the sheets I have at perpetually 10% complete, she was the only one who was yandere. It was either her or reworking Rapunzel. Not that she'll appear for quite a while mind you.

She is certainly in the 'terrifying' category and certainly not fantasy. Unless the idea of being probably kidnapped and possibly murdered is an appeal.

[RoydGolden]

This was the times I dived straight into making a character without looking at what had already been done to put an original twist on a sheet.

Huh. Guess it's just a matter of 'great minds think alike' then.

[Bird of Hermes]

Between Elizabeth, Henry and Mary. I've got the whole Tudor family (that's worth talking about) made as Edward hardly qualifies. Now which royal family can I mess up next?

Hinestly I'll probably stay away from lancers and royals for a while, I've made so many lately

[Funderfullness]

I can't help but compare that Augustina sheet to the one I did oh so long ago. Even if the NP is underwhelming as others say, I still like it since it's a good representation of the inspiration she gave the troops and her own rise through the ranks culminating in the battle that forced Napoleon out of Spain. The justification for being a Berserker is flimsy to me, but what do I know...

[asterism42]

Between Elizabeth, Henry and Mary. I've got the whole Tudor family (that's worth talking about) made as Edward hardly qualifies. Now which royal family can I mess up next?

Hinestly I'll probably stay away from lancers and royals for a while, I've made so many lately

Plantagenets? Richard I's a no-go, but the rest are up for grabs.

[Crying]

I never would have guessed that Mary Tudor was the yandere you were talking about.

There's not really much I can say that hasn't already been said, so... good job.

[asterism42]

Yandere for Catholicism! And Philip too, I guess.

[Hakuro]

Well, I really enjoyed working on this Servant. It was supposed to be a bit overpowered Caster, but I don't know how was the outcome of his power level.

Identitiy and Parameters

Identity: Enoch (Heb: חֲנוֹךְ)
Alternative Classes: -
Gender: Male
Alignment: Lawful Good
Background: Enoch was an ancestor of Noah in the Hebrew Bible. He was one of the few able to speak the language of angels, or "original language", after the expulsion of Adam and Eve from Eden. Enoch never saw death, as God took him to heavens, where (according to apocryphal texts); he was appointed guardian of all celestial treasures and chief of archangels, or even being transformed in an angel himself. He is also a popular figure in esotericism, associated to the Enochian language, the language of angels published by the occultist John Dee. One of the most known biblical apocryphal books, the Book of Enoch, is attributed to him.
Strength E Mana C
Endurance E Luck A
Agility E Noble Phant. A+
Weaponry: Caster do not use weapons, but through his Noble Phantasm Metatron, he wields the sword Chalkydra.
Armor: Caster wears no armor, but through his Noble Phantasm Metatron, he wears a heavy armor.

Skills

Class Skill:
Item Construction (E) – The skill to manufacture magical items. Caster's ability to create items is not much better then one of an average modern magus.
Territory Creation (A) – The skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus. Caster is able to create temples.


Personal Skills:
Divine Protection (A) – A form of divine protection that gives the user the quick-wittedness and the brute strength needed to defeat beasts unaided. Caster is completely devoted to God and all of his powers are originated from divine grace.
Summoning (A) – A magecraft that evokes spiritual bodies from the past, or possibly from the future. Caster has aptitude in the art of summoning, and is able to evoke familiars of celestial origin.

Noble Phantasm

Liber Loageath
Speech from God

Anti-Self / A


The occultists John Dee and Edward Kelley recorded a language that they called Enochian. A language for long lost, and Enoch would be one of the last people able to understand it. One of these recordings were the Liber Loageath, a book completely written in Enochian, it is called the Book of Speech from God.


It exists as a notebook always carried by Caster, with hundreds of pages written in a language that cannot be understood or deciphered by another. Its contents are divine rituals and enchantments, given to Caster by the angels.


Caster naturally is not a magus, but this book allows him to be equated with users of magic from the age of the gods. The book also works as a source of mana. If Caster someway lose this book, his skills will have their ranks heavily decreased.

Chalkydra
All Mysteries Belong to God Only

Anti-Phantasm / A


"There is only one God", therefore, any other god is fake. If there is only one God, and he is Yahweh, any other mystery is an imitation of his divinity. This statement is the truth for Enoch.


Chalkydra is a golden sword, covered in flames and bright as the sun, representation the authority of God as the only truth. It carries the name of a phoenix-like creature seen by Enoch in the sun.


When its name is evoked, Chalkydra will create a shock wave that will resonate on a large area around Caster. Inside the area of effect, any Noble Phantasm which nature or origin is not the one of God will be negated if already in execution, and cannot be activated for at least 300 turns. Affected Noble Phantasms which rank is A or higher can resist, but may have their effects reduced.

Metatron
Angelical Persona

Anti-Self / A+


In some of the apocryphal texts that describes the legends of Enoch, it is said that he assumes the identity of an angel when God took him, and join his phalanx of messengers. His name as an angel is Metatron, seraphim whose name means "Prince of the World".


Metatron is the identity Enoch assumed when ascended to the heavens. Metatron is a large humanoid, higher than two meters, covered in an armor of gold and marble. His armor possess no openings for his eyes in his face, but dozens of them spread on his body, by these Metatron is able to see and hear. Twelve metallic wings decorate his back.


When activated, Caster physically turns into Metatron, but that is not the only option. Caster and Metatron are the same entity, but both possess distinct psyche, and so are able to coexist. Caster as Enoch, is able to use Liber Loageath. While Caster as Metatron is able to use Chalkydra. Both can physically exist, but only one can be a Servant at a time, and the other will lose its stats as a Servant (Cannot use any Noble Phantasm, and Skills and Parameters are reduced to the point where Caster is as powerful as a normal human is). Metatron, unlike Enoch, possess no free will, will battle as a machine for his God, and cannot communicate. Metatron Parameters are:
Strength A Mana C
Endurance B+ Luck C
Agility B Noble Phant. A+