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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #8421
    Quote Originally Posted by Fafnir View Post
    Sigurd fucking killed me


    I want my shinies back
    You're dead and all you can think about is the treasure which cursed you in the first place.

    That's some greed!

  2. #8422
    ジュカイン Lycodrake's Avatar
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    The shinies are very, very important.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seika View Post
    Yes, excellent. Go, Lyco, my proxy.
    F/GO SUPPORT

  3. #8423
    サーヴァント Servant Sushiman's Avatar
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    Well, its about time I uploaded one of my servants as well. I have too many of them. I kinda like creating them, as soon as I have an idea about how I can make a servant with a kinda new feeling to it. Starting with a pretty powerful one in my mind. Perhaps i overdid it a bit, dunno:

    Real Name: Odysseus
    Servant Class: Rider
    Gender: Male
    Height/Weight: 171cm/72kg
    Alignment: Neutral

    History: One of the heroes of the Trojan War and furthermore the main hero of the greek Odyssey. He was a legendary king of Ithaca, married to Penelope. He was well known for his brilliance and versatility. In short a cunning trickster. A huge part of his popularity comes from his ten-years lasting voyage back home after the end of the Trojan War, where he was the inventor of the Trojan-Horse-idea, thus making it possible for Troy to be conquered by him and his men. On his voyage he defeated a lot of supernatural foes including sirens and giants, tricked a cyclops, met with the witch Circe and even resisted the God's anger.

    Wish: While he may tell that he has no real wish other than competing in the tournament and having a real blast fighting all other servants and experiencing yet another great adventure when asked about it, he may have some hidden aim. Maybe he wants to pay a visit to his now-immortal wive Penelope and mock her for taking his son as a husband. Maybe he wishes to change the past. Unless he wins, he probably won't tell anyone.

    Status:
    Strength: B
    Endurance: B
    Agility: A
    Mana: B
    Luck: A
    Noble Phantasm: EX

    Class Abilities:
    Riding: A
    Ability to ride things. Can ride everything besides demonic and holy creatures.

    Magic Resistance: B
    Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected.

    Personal Skills:
    Divinity:
    D
    As an remote relative to Hermes and Chone Rider gained a D Rank in Divinity.

    Survival Specialist: A+
    The skill to always survive, no matter the circumstances or obstacles. If there is even a slight possibility to stay alive, the servant will use it. No matter what he has to do in order to make it happen. One could say that it is almost impossible to kill him. On the A+ rank it is even possible to fight off the anger of Gods.

    Military Mastermind: A+
    The ability of warfare mastery. A charismatic leader and ruthless tactician at the same time. He uses whatever trick is necessary in order to make his foes admit defeat. Somewhat works like both Charisma and Military Tactis compressed in one skill. This ability is awarded to people who greatly influenced important battlefields. On the A+ rank it is possible to change even the outcome and results of a whole war.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Gift of Αἴολος - Protection from the Wind God
    Typ: Anti-Unit
    Rank: D+
    Range: 20
    Maximum number of targets: 20 persons
    A bag of wind given to him by the God of wind. It contains all the winds but the west wind. Rider is able to use this wind to further fasten his movement, making it able for him to keep up even with the strongest of servants. When used wind will pulsate roughly around him, indicating his connection to the wind God. Alternatively, he is able to strengthen his attacks with the speed of wind. For example he is able to kind of enchant his arrows with the wind making them fast enough to keep up even with modern firearms. Moreover he can open the bag to unleash a one-time only B-rank wind-based attack against his opponent. If he chooses to do so, he is unable to use this Noble Phantasm for the rest of the war.

    Twelve Shot Takedown - Sureshot Firearm of Certain Hit
    Typ: Anti-Unit
    Rank: B+
    Range: 300
    Maximum number of targets: 10 persons
    A conceptual attack usable with any kind of weapon which can be used as projectile and in any battle stance. It can be an arrow, a dagger, even a sword if thrown. A lightning-fast attack with the strength of twelve attacks combined in one. The manifestation of his feat of firing an arrow through twelve axe shafts after returning home to his wife Penelope. Only he out off all the suitors was able to pull this off.

    Armaments of Achilles
    Typ: Anti-Unit/Defense
    Rank: B-B+
    Range: ???
    Maximum number of targets: ???
    The shield and spear of Achilles, which Odysseus were able to get after his death. To do so he had to defeat Ajax in a battle, after which he was considered the bravest of the Greeks. While he may not be able to wield them on the same level as his previous possessor, mainly because his main weapon is a bow, he has still some kind of attachment to them. The shield of Achilles is able to fend off an enormous amount of attacks, a multi-layered shield much like Rho Aias. Meanwhile is the spear of Achilles able to inflict wounds which cannot be healed, unless the spear itself is destroyed.

    My Name is Οὖτις - The mystic lie
    Typ: Anti-Unit
    Rank: B+
    Range: 20
    Maximum number of targets: 5 persons
    "My Name is Nobody". The ability to trick his foes. In his past he was able to convince a cyclops that "Nobody" blinded him, thus making it possible for him to escape. In the Grail War he can make use of this to erease the memories of a small group of targeted foes making them think they fought another opponent all the time. They will forget every detail of their encounter with Rider, to the point where their status screens are altered artificially. Gained knowledge of his identity, skills or Noble Phantasm can of this encounter can thus be resetted. Depending on a Luck-Check however, it is possible to render the Noble Phantasm useless. Furthermore it can be used only once against one and the same opponent. That's why Rider has to be careful whenever he chooses to reveal himself, because he can use this trick only once.

    The Great Odyssey - Trial of the Gods
    Typ: Defense
    Rank: A+
    Range: ???
    Maximum number of targets: 1
    One of the greatest feats of Odysseus. He was the sole survivor of The Odyssey, thus making him one of the most famous survival experts in the history of mankind. He was able to get past a lot of hurdles in order to reach his home land after ten years in total. In the Holy Grail War he is able to manifest this Noble Phantasm as a one-time-only conceptual protection against any kind of otherwise deadly attack targeted at him. The enemy's attack will just miss its target caused by the effect of the Noble Phantasm, making it able for Odysseus to live on. But, as stated above, it can be used only once. Afterwards he is unable to use this ability.

    The Trojan Horse – The Ultimate Trophy
    Typ: Anti-Fortress
    Rank: EX
    Range: ???
    Maximum number of targets: 2000
    The most famous feat of Odysseus and one of the strongest Noble Phantasm possibly imaginable. It is the greatest Anti-Fortress and Anti-Defense Noble Phantasm mankind has invented. The Trojan Horse alone was able to breach the defenses of Troy allowing the greek forces to conquer the city and winning the war in the process. In this war this Noble Phantasm starts off as a small wooden horse. Rider can give it to any person he wishes. Depending on a Luck-Check, they may not refuse this present. In the course of the following hours, if brought home, the wooden horse will prepare. In this time, even a well-versed magician will have a hard time feeling magic energy in it. Once nighttime, it will expand rapidly, gaining height as is required for the "Fortress" it is destined to breach. Once activated, every enemy Defense Noble Phantasm within a wide range will loose effectiveness. Furthermore Rider will directly beneath the wooden horse, along with his forty compainions with whom he breached Troy. Each of those is by himself a Heroic Spirit, able to kill off most normal humans without a chance for them to resist. Ultimatelty, if he wishes to, he can blast his wooden horse and deal damage comparable to an A+ ranked explosive attack, damaging everyone besides Rider and the forty summons he controls. If he decides to do this, the horse cannot be used again for the remainder of the war.

    Notes:
    Spoiler:
    I was kinda unsure whether it was a good choice to give him that many Noble Phantasm. I decided to do so, because they are all kinda important to the kind of playstyle he would display. While he may appear as one of the strongest servants, he is in fact just a better trickster. He only has one pure offensive ability, while the rest is useful mainly for information gathering, trolling opponents and setting up his wooden horse. Well, I thought he was kinda cool, because he did in fact not rely on a inputlaserbeamswordnoblephantasm like alle the Sabers out there do.

    I read the earlier posted version of him in the Archer-class. In comparison my stats look a bit high. I am not sure if I overdid it, but I decided to raise his Str by 2 because of a) his participation in the war and b) because he was able to bend that bow nobody else could bend. I raised End by 1 because of his Odyssey and Agi because of his precision while firing his arrow through the axe shafts.

  4. #8424
    Quote Originally Posted by Sushiman View Post
    I was kinda unsure whether it was a good choice to give him that many Noble Phantasm. I decided to do so, because they are all kinda important to the kind of playstyle he would display. While he may appear as one of the strongest servants, he is in fact just a better trickster.
    I'll quote to this to illustrate my main qualm with the sheet. I guess first I might add that I'm not too much of a fan.

    In any case. If the intention was to retain all his stuff to perserve his uniqueness I feel like that kind of falls flat on its face since he can just do everything. There is no real consistent theme. He's not just a better trickster. He is almost unkillable due to an A+ Skill and NP, has an EX-rank NP possibly more powerful than Ionian Hetairoi, a variety of different offensive Noble Phantasm, a personal skill that is just two other ones rolled and the ability to completely shut out any planning against someone who occassionally relies on powerful stratagems, denying him any kind of weaknesses barring Ea. To top it all off his base-stats are ridiculous, especially for a Rider.

    I guess that's worth bringing up too! Looking at the sheet there's nothing to indicate that he's a Rider because he just does so many damn things!

    As for suggestions? Just cut out like, tons of crap. Odysseus possession of Achilles' armaments were extremely brief. He simply won them from Ajax so he could give it to who he percieved traditionally deserved it, that is, Achilles' son. He has a few too many concepts as Noble Phantasms. The Great Odyssey could be argued to be a Noble Phantasm but its effect is so brief as to render just another footnote in his massive arsenal, especially since he has a broken personal skill that almost does the same thing already! The same goes for The Mystic Lie, it is ridiculously powerful, that in itself isn't too bad, but compound that onto the rest of his set and it just seems like a way covering up any kind of weakness.

    Then there is Military Mastermind which just seems very uninspired. Whenever I see a skill that is just blatantly two skills in one I inwardly groan. Not only is it stupid to stack someone like that it also seems like a way to mask uncreativity as something original. If you wanna keep the theme I'd probably retool it as something called like "Endless Stratagems" or whatever that reflected his deceptive strategic abilities. His charming attributes came from his silver tongue, which is reflected in your Mystic Lie Noble Phantasm but which I would say'd fit better as a Personal Skill. Survival Specialist seems very boring and I very much would recommend retooling it in a way that better reflects his tricky nature.

    Sorry for the wall of negativity, but I honestly feel like a better job can be done here to make him more compelling instead of just piling on an innumerable amount of stuff onto him without thinking of how it all fits together.
    Last edited by Petrikow; March 28th, 2014 at 10:01 PM.

  5. #8425
    This one is pretty good. Maybe his Riding skill is too high, B would be enough. Personal Skills are nice and good. Well, the NP. There are too many of them, even counting that they are all explained and have basis in his story.

    Well, Wind Bag. I do think that it for D+ has too much utility. Up his speed to strongest Servants? Power up to his attacks to unknown level? Either you should change it Rank, or just say that it is temporarily gives a + to STR/AGI for example.(And if activated as B+, gives either temp A+ STR or A++ AGI). Twelve Shot Takedown - Sureshot Firearm of Certain Hit - legend implying that it was SUPERaccurate not SUPERstrong or something. Well, I do think that this NP is much more suited for Archer class. And you know maybe it should be unacceptable while he is Rider class. Armaments of Achilles is the most suited NP for Rider class from all, and I like it. Even if it can be changed to another one-time stats up due to his brief owning of them. The mystic lie - is good and quite unique skill. But this one and some another NPs and Skills makes me actually think that his best class can be Assasin from all. Well, lol.

    Now, where real problems starts. The Great Odyssey is basically a one-time Avalon. And it gives like full defence againts one NP attack, even Ea or Excali level. I would say that it is much closer to A++ or even EX. Also, the whole conceipt of "can nullify one attack" is going pretty wrong with "survived 20 years with non-stop death danger and God's wrath". I actually can't imagine how to possible change it, but I am sure with one thing. It should be his main NP, even if Horse is genuine trick that changed a war, it is more known as just idea, not his unique doing. While his 20 years of Odyssey is basically his entire life "doing" and his own legend, where his heroic doings break fate. And much more people know him from this adventure than Horse trick in the end. And, finally, EX Trojan Horse. I feel that this skill is terribly wrong. While it genuiely works againts Fortresses, it like almost useless againts single Servant. It is not like random people give you a small wooden horse each day and your accept it. Especially if you are Servant. Almost all of them will recognize his real identity immediately he "gives" them a present. And if you want to make it effective you will need to use one-time Mystic lie, then this is some bullshit for EX skill. Also, when they are directly fighting each other, Rider goes "Wait a sec, I have a present for you, and because you are Eluck Lancer you can't decline my offer". Well, funny. And it is not like there is just a slight warranty that Servant will keep it for some hours or Rider will be ever alive for this time. Especially, when fight is bad enough for him to take a decision of using EX NP. Yes, idea is nice and all, but adaptation for HGW sucks and not even close to EX lvl. Also, with all that skills I thought that he is better suited for Assasin class. Well, at least Present Concealment will help him a little with correctly utilizing this EX NP, as well as his another "trick" skills. Btw, in current form it can be succesfully used to kill enemy Masters. And that's one more reason to make him an Assasin. Some easy solution, I think, can be achieved with creating three different sets of NPs for Archer/Rider/Assasin. This will reduce his powerlevel, but at least it would be easier to correct three different sheets and not trying to balance one big. But, overall, I liked the idea.
    Last edited by Riesbyfe; March 28th, 2014 at 10:09 PM.
    When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
    Must give us pause: there's the respect
    That makes calamity of so long life;

  6. #8426
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Arha's Avatar
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    I'm surprised he isn't an Archer given that that was his greatest forte, iirc. Nobody else could even use his bow, which definitely sounds like a Noble Phantasm to me, probably around B or B+, but you don't seem to have it listed except as part of a generic 'use any weapon' ability. The other things that really represent Odysseus are probably the Trojan Horse and the Odyssey. For the horse, it should probably either be an inferior version of Ionian Hetaroi or it should be like Solomon's NP and require the gathering of materials. Possibly both. More on the Odyssey later. He doesn't need nor merit other NPs.

    Skills like Independent Action would also suit him and he has the same tricky nature that many of the Archers do. Shouldn't Survival Specialist be Eye of the Mind (True)? Also, if you must keep the great odyssey, I'd make it a passive skill that situationally raises his endurance and insight, not a noble phantasm that outright blocks attacks. I'd drop Magic Resistance down a rank. He lived during the age of the gods, but Circe's magic would have worked on him without divine assistance, so going by the story his magic resistance was no better than anyone else's. Divine assistance that was not something he could really rely on either, mind you.

    His stats also look very high for a hero that wasn't even the greatest fighter there but rather the tactician. Sure, Odysseus was strong, but he was not the best of the best and your given stats make him that way. Strength and agility are a little suspect and given the whole Odyssey is a really inconsistent level of luck depending on what god was paying attention to him it should probably be a significantly lower score but with a + modifier.

  7. #8427
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Class containers are supposed to restrict a Servant. Give him multiple classes and split up the Phantasms across them. Also his stats can then change as needed instead of being way too high for a Rider.

    And even then I'd say cut or revamp a lot of the things.

    And yes I know I'm being hypocritical given my Odysseus but he had reasons.

  8. #8428
    Banned
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    Isn't Mystic Lie basically Jack the Ripper's Information Erasure

  9. #8429
    月読 Tsukiyomi Junky's Avatar
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    Originally he was going to be Ilya's Servant in Tabula Rasa (because I had another Servant become Berserker and Heracles is too OP when he isn't under ME), but decided to scrap him in favor of another Heroic Spirit now that I'm rewriting all my story arcs. Keep in mind that this is a paste from my notes 2 years ago and may not mesh with facts learned about Karna's life from CCC or Apocrypha.

    If you're wondering about the Divine Astras Personal Skill, it actually allows him to use most of these, and hence is a ridiculously OP skill under a Master who can supply infinite prana like Ilya. It would probably would have been sealed because Arjuna was summoned in Germany and only exists as a hypothetical skill on the Servant profile.


    Arjuna
    Class: Rider (can also be summoned as Archer)
    Master: Ilyasviel von Einzbern
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Sex: Male
    Height: 175cm
    Weight: 64kg
    Armament: Chariot, Bow, Armor

    STR: B
    CON: B
    AGI: A
    MGI: A+
    LCK: A
    Noble Phantasm: A++

    Legend
    Arjuna, one of the five Pandava princes of the Mahabharata epic, was considered to be the finest archer and a peerless warrior by many notable figures in the Mahabharata. He was said to combine the best of his brothers' legendary attributes; possessing Yudhisthira's intellect, Bhima's strength, and Sahadeva and Nakula's grace and beauty.

    Arjuna was born to Kunti as a blessing the king of gods, Indra. At a very young age he got acclaim for his sincerity and skill in archery. He was known for his steadfastness and single mindedness in pursuing his goals. He was instrumental in winning Draupadi in a contest for himself and his brothers as their joint wife. He also married Subhadra, the sister of the god Krishna, who became his mentor and guide for the rest of his life.

    Apart from archery, he also excelled in the arts of dancing, singing and acting. By virtue of his loyalty to Krishna, Arjuna had the fortune of receiving the divine knowledge of the Bhagavad-Gita. In the Mahabharata war he played a very crucial role by slaying such warriors as Bhishma, Karna, Dronacharya and Jayadhrata. He was the only undefeated hero in the Mahabharata.

    Class Skills
    Riding: A+
    All vehicles and all beasts including those of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast-rank can be freely operated. However, this still does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind. While Arjuna was an extremely accomplished rider, his chariot was often operated by Krishna to allow him to concentrate on archery. Summoned in the Rider class, Arjuna has access to the divine chariot he rode on during the Mahabharata war, a chariot that moves according to Arjuna's will as if it were still being charioteered by Krishna himself.

    Magic Resistance: C
    Negates Magecraft with an aria of two verses or lower. Cannot defend against large-scale Magecraft such as High-Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals.

    Personal Skills
    Clairvoyance: A
    Clairvoyance is superior visual perception that supplements long-range aiming and increases dynamic vision. At Arjuna's level, not only is he capable of tracking fast-moving objects at a distance of 10km and picking up subtle details such as lip movement from that distance, he is able to predict an attacker’s next move from the slightest muscle tension in their body and counter-attack or dodge without any wasted movement.

    Divine Astras: A
    The ability to invoke the divine mysteries presided over by specific gods in one's armaments. By incanting the name of the astra in the language spoken during the Age of Gods, Arjuna's weapon is endowed with the power of the respective god, making it impossible to counter by regular means. The knowledge of the astra's incantation is not sufficient to employ it, often requiring direct interaction with the god involved, and as such, their use was lost soon after the Age of Gods. At this rank, Arjuna can continuously invoke any astra not in the domain of the Trimurti (Brahma, Krishna and Shiva) just by expending prana.

    Divinity: A
    As the son of the king of gods, the sky god Indra, and having united with Indra after death, Arjuna possesses the highest Divine Spirit aptitude. This Divine Spirit aptitude exhibits high defensive power in regards to lightning deity-lineage's Heroic Spirits of Divinity B or lower.

    Prana Burst (Lightning): A
    The power to put prana into weapons. In Arjuna's case, prana becomes crackling lightning to dwell in the weapon used. This skill is usually active and all the weapons that Arjuna grasps receive this effect.

    Protection from Sleep: A
    A master of his mind and senses, Arjuna is capable of entering the superconscious state of samadhi. With his system absolutely relaxed as if in suspended animation, every cell of his body gains complete rest, allowing him to rejuvenate himself in a fraction of the time he would normally require. This allows him to fight continuously without tiring, and recover from injuries rapidly.

    Noble Phantasms
    Gandiva: Conqueror of the World
    Rank: B
    Type: -
    Range: -
    Maximum Targets: -
    A divine bow born spontaneously during the creation of the world, Gandiva was used and worshipped by the gods for millennia before Agni, god of fire, gave it to Arjuna along with two inexhaustible quivers. The bow is decorated with hundreds of gold bosses, and has radiant ends. When twanged, it makes the sound of thunder. It is said that beside Krishna no one except Arjuna could wield the bow in the mortal world. Every projectile launched with Gandiva ignores air resistance, and there exists no arrow that cannot be launched with this bow.

    Svetavahana: O Krishna, Bestow me your Protection
    Rank: B
    Type: Anti-Army
    Range: -
    Maximum Targets: -
    This luxurious golden chariot upon which both Krishna and Arjuna rode was given to Arjuna by the fire god Agni. It is capable of conquering all directions, wherever it was drawn throughout the three worlds. The chariot is yoked with the four divine white steeds of Krishna, the god of protection. On the top of the chariot flies the standard of Hanuman, a hero and central figure of the Ramayana epic.

    The offensive power of this Noble Phantasm is negligible. However, by virtue of Krishna's blessing, it moves according to Arjuna's thoughts, as if the god himself were still charioteering it. The standard of Hanuman bestows the blessing of the wind god, Vayu, who was Hanuman's father, allowing the chariot to fly and move at speeds greater than any modern vehicle. Additionally, by virtue of its divine protection that allowed it to withstand several Anti-Country weapons during the Mahabharata War, it is invulnerable to any type of attack until the end of the current war, at which point it will receive all the accumulated damage it sustained at once.

    Pasupata: O Shiva, Devastate the Earth
    Rank: A++
    Type: Anti-Army, Anti-Country
    Range: 1-99
    Maximum Targets: 1000 People
    The Pasupata is the irresistible and most destructive personal astra or weapon of Shiva, god of destruction. Never to be used against lesser enemies or by lesser warriors, the Pasupata is capable of destroying creation and vanquishing all beings. After performing intense penance for Shiva, Arjuna passed his test and was granted knowledge of this weapon. Rather than a physical weapon, it is the application of a Divine Mystery upon an ordinary arrow, and is separate from ordinary astras because of its origins, immense prana requirement and conditions for use. It cannot be blocked by any defense created by humans and follows the enemy until it hits. Additionally, it cannot be used against any opponent without a Noble Phantasm of A Rank or higher. The Pasupata can only be invoked once in a war, and a second attempt will rebound on the user.

    Fanfiction
    Tabula Rasa


  10. #8430
    Very, very similar to the one I made, two years ago.

    Haha, can't say more than that. I guess we think alike.

  11. #8431
    月読 Tsukiyomi Junky's Avatar
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    Just read yours and you're right. I guess Gandiva was a given, and you attached the astras to the bow (which makes a lot of sense in retrospect). I wanted to deviate from Karna's NPs so I elected not to give him Brahmastra and Brahmashira (even though he definitely has them in the legend). I guess we both based his skills on Karna's, because they were essentially opposing sides of a coin.

    Fanfiction
    Tabula Rasa


  12. #8432
    Well, I envisioned Gandiva more as a Gate of Babylon-esque delivery system, since it's noticed that the bow is so effective on account of it being able to use all the astras. You can notice I also have a skill that actually signifies Arjuna's possession of the Astra (Divine Protection: A+). I made him a mirror image of Karna very intentionally, since they are among the most well known rivals in Mythology.

    Funnily enough I used to have drafts which included Pashupatastra but didn't include due to confusing Hindu mythology continuity. Apparently Pashupatastra and Brahmashira can be interpreted as serving the same story purpose in the Mahabharata. They are different depending on the versions. The most commonly accepted compiled version of the Mahabharata, instead, confusingly has both in them!

  13. #8433
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six
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    Man, I really need to resume reading the Mahabharata... to think that I still have all the Ramayana also... D:


  14. #8434
    Hair of the Dog Five_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sherrinford View Post
    Man, I really need to resume reading the Mahabharata... to think that I still have all the Ramayana also... D:
    In... heathen Italian!?
    The Manhattan Project: Is it a sin to kill for your country? In an age of nationalism, where do you draw the line between right and wrong? In the 1960s, eight people seek peace amidst war and tragedy.

    [11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
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  15. #8435
    Reading the Mahabharata is kind of painful. Through all the book-mining required to have composed the entire narrative it feels kind of a like a hodge-podge.

    I personally stopped trying to read the complete version and read a reduced edition. Maybe better if you know Sanskrit!

  16. #8436
    月読 Tsukiyomi Junky's Avatar
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    One of my ex-roommates gave me the Mahabharata in comic form when I told him I wanted to know about Arjuna and it's pretty interesting to read (though it's as thick as the oxford comprehensive).

    Fanfiction
    Tabula Rasa


  17. #8437
    吸血鬼 Vampire Rotheos's Avatar
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    Hi everyone I'm new here and I don't know if there are any rules of posting here since I didn't see anything in the first page.

    True Name:
    Xerxes I

    Alias: King of Nations, The Destroyer

    Age: Early 20's

    Class: Archer
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    Height and Weight:
    183 cm, 79 kg

    Homeground: Middle East, Half of Europe

    Armament: Axe-Sword

    SKILLS AND PARAMETERS


    Strength:
    B
    Endurance: C
    Agility: B
    Mana:
    A
    Luck:
    C

    Class Skills

    Independent Action:
    Rank A- Xerxes believes himself as a supreme being. He does not see himself capable of lowering his pride for a mere human let alone a magus. His Master will never be able to see eye to eye to him and defying him would mean death to his Master.
    Can remain in this world for a week even after losing his Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great prana consumption, back up from the Master is necessary
    Magic Resitance: Rank C

    -Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    Territory Creation (FALSE): N/A

    -Xerxes was known to have constructed numerous architectural structures. He has a gigantic taste in architecture and buildings and has a deep desire in creation of large infrastructures. Different from a territory created through magical means, this is territory creation attained through superiority as a king and also the Servant's resources.

    Personal Skills

    Charisma: Rank B
    -
    It is the natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. It is said that a rank of B in this skill is sufficient to lead a nation as its King.
    Double Summon: N/A
    -
    A special ability that permits possession of class skills of a different class aside from the class the Servant originally belongs to.

    Eye for Art: Rank A+
    -
    It is infatuation with works of art. The Servant will definitely be able to determine the identity of infrastructures of a larger scale especially if its origins are similar to his. Rate of determination depends on how far the origins of the structure or piece of art is from the place where his legend originated.

    Military Tactics: Rank B-
    -
    It is tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Known for crushing the Greeks, Xerxes has attained a high aptitude in military tactics but received a negative modifier in the rank due to his loss in the Battle of Salamis caused a stain in his repertoire. Also, he usually gives the commanding reins to his Generals but they still report to him nonetheless.
    Golden Rule: Rank B+
    -
    It is one's fortune to acquire wealth. Xerxes has enough fortune to build his architectural projects in gigantic scales. Also has enough fortune of usage of peasants and slaves at his will.
    Noble Phantasms:


    The Stratagem of Great Persian Navy
    Name:
    Artemisia: グレートペルシャ海軍の計略

    Type: Anti-Army

    Rank: C++

    Range:
    1 to 500

    Number of targets: 1 to 9999

    Description and Effect:-
    Spoiler:
    Artemisia was the Queen who served Xerxes during his invasion of Greece. She was the head of the Persian Navy and fought against the Athenians in Salamis. Along with her, as the flagship of Xerxes' Navy, are the numerous ships that have allied themselves with Xerxes. This is the pride of Xerxes' Army. Their unstoppable navy that brought terror to the Greeks before it was defeated in the Battle of Salamis.

    It is composed of Trireme's, with Artemisia in the front as the Trireme that is 5x larger than normal, and numerous vessels. Arrows, spears, boulders, and other projectiles can be fired from the navy while the Artemisia has the size to ram any enemy and obliterate them to a pulp.




    The Gate of All Countries
    Name:
    The Grand Stairway and the Gate of Xerxes: すべての国の門

    Type: Anti-Country

    Rank: A+++

    Range: ~

    Number of targets: 1 to 9999

    Description and Effect:-
    Spoiler:
    The pinnacle of Xerxes I and the greatest mark he left in history. One of the greatest architectural structures ever created, the Gate of All Nations represent the supreme rule of Xerxes' Empire and his Army. It is a high-thaumaturgy that is manifested through Xerxes' aspirations and desires. Inside this are, the Gate of Kings, where beyond that is the Throne of Kings where Xerxes lies, the Hall of Army where his Army resides and the Royal Treasury, where treasures collected by Xerxes and his ancestors are located.

    This Noble Phantasm has three effects:

    1.) Usage of the Royal Treasury can be accessed without manifesting the marble itself. However, uttering the words, "I, King of All Nations,"is needed before opening the Royal Treasury. Weapons, materials and other objects that originates from the Middle East to Europe are located inside the Royal Treasury.

    2.) The Hall of Army can be manifested as a kind of high-thaumaturgy by manifesting the lands where his army once marched towards Greece. His vast army is present that is capable of destroying Nations not armies.

    3.) This part of the Noble Phantasm is activated automatically when Xerxes uses the Hall of Hundred Columns. Upon entering the Grand Stairway and approaching the Gate of All Nations, the enemy servant will be received by Two Winged-humanoid bulls that acts as guardians of the gate. They can be considered as a member of the Phantasmal Beasts species but is closely tied to those of the Monstrous Beasts family. After the two are defeated, the gate opens and this effect is terminated.

    Manifestation of all of it at once is impossible and only one can be used at a time.



    Hall of a Hundred Columns
    Name:
    The Throne Room of the Great King: 百列の殿堂

    Type: Anti-Unit

    Rank:
    B+

    Range: ~

    Number of targets: ~

    Description and Effect:-
    Spoiler:
    The second large building in Persepolis and the Throne Room of Xerxes. This is located beyond the Gate of All Nations. A Reality Marble, Throne of Kings, where Xerxes lies acts as a bounded-field that reduces his opponent's parameters and skills by one rank. It also increases the rank of all his parameters and skills by one rank. The enemy Servant's Noble Phantasms cannot be used inside the Throne Room as the king had decreed that usage of it is prohibited. Inside this room, Xerxes rules all over everyone. Noble Phantasms that are already active before entrance to the room can be used.


    Name:
    Hellespont:
    The Punishment of Whips and Chains

    Type: Anti-Divine

    Rank:
    N/A

    Range:
    ~

    Number of targets: ~

    Description and Effect:-
    Spoiler:
    Herodotus tells us that, circa 482 BC, Xerxes I (the son of Darius) had two pontoon bridges built across the width of the Hellespont at Abydos, in order that his huge army could cross from Persia into Greece. This crossing was named by Aeschylus in his tragedy The Persians as the cause of divine intervention against Xerxes. According to Herodotus, both bridges were destroyed by a storm and Xerxes had those responsible for building the bridges beheaded and the strait itself whipped. Xerxes is then said to have thrown fetters into the strait, given it three hundred lashes and branded it with red-hot irons as the soldiers shouted at the water.

    This is called the "Punishment of Hellespont" where Xerxes punished the god for destroying the bridge. When faced against a creature with a divine aptitude, fetters will bind their limbs and a divine whip will strike them. The whip deals more damage the more divine aptitude the Servant has.


    History:

    Spoiler:
    XERXES, King of Persia, was the eldest son of Darius and his second wife Atossa. Darius died in the beginning of the year 485 B.C., in the midst of his preparations for a third expedition against Greece. Xerxes, after having subdued the rebellious Egyptians, and appointed Achaemenes governor, gave his whole attention to the completion of the preparations begun by his father, which occupied nearly four years. Immense hordes of men were gathered from all parts of the vast Persian Empire, from the steppes of Asia, from the banks of the Indus and its tributaries, and from the interior of Africa. An immense fleet was furnished by the Phoenicians and other maritime nations subject to Persia. Stores of provisions sufficient to support the immense army, were collected at different points along the intended route of march. A bridge of boats, a mile in length, was built across the Hellespont. This bridge, however, was destroyed by a storm, on which (according to the Greek historian,) Xerxes ordered the heads of the engineers to be cut off, and was so enraged at the rebellious and disrespecful sea, that he ordered 300 lashes to be administered to it, and a set of fetters to be cast into it. Another bridge, consisting of a double line of boats was built; and a canal was cut through Mount Athos, at the point of the peninsula of Acre, in Macedonia, on which the fleet of Mardonius had been wrecked in 499 B.C. The preparations were complete m 481 B.C., and in the autumn of that year, Xerxes arrived in Sardis, where he wintered. In the spring of the following year the vast assemblage began to move toward the Hellespont; and according to Herodotus, it took seven days and nights to march across the bridge. After crossing the Hellespont, the march was continued along the Thracian coast toward Doriscus, on the Hebrus, where a halt was made on a large plain, and the army numbered. The fleet drew up near to Doriscus.


    According to Herodotus, the whole number of fighting men, military and naval amounted to nearly 2,500,000, and the fleet consisted of 12O7 ships of war, besides 3,000 smaller vessels. Herodotus supposes that the number of camp followers, exclusive of eunuchs and women, would amount to more than that of the fighting men. So that, according to him, the whole number of people assembled on this occasion, would be considerably over 6,000,000. This number is doubtless greatly exaggerated; still, it cannot be doubted that this was one of the greatest multitudes ever brought together for any purpose under the sun. This immense force moved on without resistance through submissive nations, until it reached Thermopylae, where it was brought to a stand by the army of Leonidas. Although the Greeks were entirely defeated and slain, it was not without heavy loss to the Persians. On the same day, and on the third day after, the Persian fleet, which had previously suffered severely from a storm, was defeated with heavy loss by the Greeks, off Cape Artemisium in Euboea. Xerxes continued his march on to Athens, which he destroyed. Meantime the two fleets had sailed round from Euboea and taken up their positions in the narrow strait between Salamis and the Attic coast, where the famous naval battle of Salamis took place (September 480 B.C.) Xerxes witnessed the fight from a lofty throne which he had caused to be erected on one of the slopes of Mount Aegalens, "The rocky brow Which looks o'er sea-born Salamis." But instead of witnessing the swift annihilation of the Greeks as he had expected, he beheld the utter destruction of his own fleet. Confounded at the inglorious result of all his vast preparations for the overwhehning of Greece, and becoming alarmed for his personal safety, he fled, under an escort of 60,000 men, with all haste towards the Hellespont, which he reached in 45 days. The bridge of boats having been again destroyed by a storm, he crossed over to the Asiatic coast in a vessel. Mardonius was left with 300,000 men to carry on operations in Greece. In 479 B.C., the Greeks defeated Mardonius in the famous battle of Plataea, and on the same day gained another victory over the Persians at Mycale in Ionia. Next year, (478 B.C.,) the Persians lost their last possession in Europe by the capture of Sestos, on the Hellespont. The war was continued for a few years longer, though the struggle was now virtually at an end. Little more is known of the personal history of Xerxes, except that, in 465 B.C., he was murdered by Artabanus, who aspired to the throne, and was succeeded by his own son, Artaxerxes. From all that is known of Xerxes, he appears to have been utterly ignoble in character, vain-glorious, licentious, cruel and cowardly. His famous invasion was undertaken apparently for no other purpose than to gratify a weak-minded vanity, which was delighted with the idea of being able to assemble at one time "ships by thousands" and "men in nations," who were at the mercy of his unprincipled caprice.
    Last edited by Rotheos; March 29th, 2014 at 10:30 PM. Reason: Added info

  18. #8438
    Beats By Matthew ft. Dr. Para Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    1) Too much bolded text. My eyes ;_;
    2) Knock Independent Action down from EX. Gilgamesh has a comparable if not greater ego and willfulness, and his IA is not EX.
    Supports:


    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  19. #8439
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Oh, everyone else is posting their Arjunas and Karnas? I guess I may as well dig my old one's up as well. Karna received a slight polish to reflect CCC a bit more, now that we know how his armor works. In this particular version I designed them to be very clear mirrors to each other, right down to the skills, as well as wanting them to be more like combat magi than blessed warriors. So my version ended up with them enchanting their arrows with magical incantations that they may well have learned from Divine sources, but which are in effect no more divine than any other magecraft. These guys, in the story, would have been such masters of the astra branch of magecraft that they were only a step away from becoming True Magicians themselves. So their rivalry was as much one of knowledge and magecraft as it was the traditional one we see in the stories and legends.

    Karna
    Karna
    Golden Son of the Sun God

    Class: Archer
    Alternate Classes: Rider, Lancer

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: A
    Mana: A
    Luck: E


    Spoiler:

    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance

    The ability to defend against magical effects.
    • A++ (C): The great majority of Karna’s Magic Resistance is provided by his golden armor, making him essentially immune to magic on a level unseen before. Without the armor his Magic Resistance drops to rank C, only able to defend against two-verse Arias or less.


    Independent Action
    The ability to exist in this world without an established contract or steady flow of mana.
    • B+: Karna can survive for two days without a contract and is also able to survive for a short period of time even after extensive damage has been done to his spiritual core. Thanks to his heritage from the solar deity Surya, Karna is able to maintain his prana by keeping in direct sunlight, storing up prana slowly in the manner of a solar panel.

    Personal Skills
    Discernment of the Poor
    Insight to see through the opponent's character and attribute.


    • A: Karna will not be deceived by excuses and deceptions from words. It expresses the power to grasp the true nature of the opponent possessed by Karna, who was blessed with the opportunity to inquire about the life and value of the weak due to being someone without a single relative.


    Prana Burst (Flames)
    The power to put prana into weapons to generate a specific elemental effect.


    • A: In Karna's case, blazing flames become prana to dwell in the weapon used. This Skill is usually active and all the weapons that Karna grasps receive this effect. Being a direct manifestation of his heritage as the child of a sun god, the flames created by this effect are more powerful than ones he could invoke through a fire astra, but have the potential flaw of carrying a divine trait alongside the fire.


    Divinity
    Representation of the aptitude of the person to possess traits of a Divine Spirit.


    • A: As the son of the Sun Deity Surya and having united with Surya after death, Karna possesses the highest Divine Spirit aptitude. This Divine Spirit aptitude exhibits high defensive power in regards to sun deity-lineage Heroic Spirits of a lower Divinity rank. At this level of Divinity Karna gains a bonus ability known as “Purge Defense”, which reduces opposing special defensive values significantly, and can penetrate skills such as “Protection of the Faith”.


    Combat Astras
    The divine boons granted to Indian warriors of legend, astras are in fact a very narrow field of combat-focused applications of elemental magecraft upon physical items.

    • A-: Almost all astra invocations are known and can be utilised as long as their restrictions and activation methods are met. However, due to a curse, the Servant is fated to forget them at his greatest moment of need.


    Noble Phantasms

    Kavacha & Kundala
    O Sun, Become Armor


    Type:
    Anti-Unit; Self
    Rank: A++
    Range: 0
    Targets: 1

    Description: The golden armor and earrings given by Karna's mother, Kundi, who felt fear in becoming an unmarried mother and prayed to Surya to protect her son. A powerful defensive-type Noble Phantasm that emits the radiance of the sun. Because it is light itself taken shape, it is difficult to destroy even to the gods. It is integrated with Karna's body and serves as his skin, thus can only be removed by the will of Karna himself. The effects of this Noble Phantasm can be compared to the protective aegis of the most powerful defensive Phantasms, as it reduces all damage from attacks by 90% and shields completely against phantasms with the inherent ability of one-hit death such as Gae Bolg’s “health +1” damage output. The golden armor itself is naturally as strong as the golden armor of another particularly powerful Heroic Spirit, causing envy to said Heroic Spirit at is quality, so even the 10% of damage that still comes through from attacks is almost never enough to injure Karna at all. With such strong armour and the heavy damage reduction effect in place it is possible for Karna to survive a hit from the most powerful holy sword, though his injuries will be notable. Finally, his Magic Resistance is enhanced by four ranks, to Rank A++, making Karna incredibly difficult to dispatch.


    Vasavi Shakti
    O Sun, Abide to Death


    Type: Anti-Unit/Anti-Divine
    Rank: EX
    Range: 1 - 999
    Targets: 1

    Description: Vasavi Shakti is truly Karna’s greatest weapon and his last-ditch tool of certain victory. By converting Kavacha & Kundala from golden armor into an arrow of light for a one-off use, Karna can launch it at any enemy, inflicting incomprehensible levels of lightning and fire damage as well as bypassing all but the greatest of magical defenses. It is a fated weapon and given its design as a god-slaying weapon is designed to overcome the opponent’s Agility to always hit regardless of how it may be fired, as well as being a miracle of the gods itself. This miracle is such that the weapon bears not just the concepts of Fated Hit and Unavoidable Death but also the capacity for Spatial Transferance, teleporting instantly the moment it is launched, bending space and time to strike its intended target regardless of any obstacle or distance between Karna and the enemy. It has powerful Anti-God attributes, stepping up its power exponentially for every level of divinity the target has. Considering its multiple incredibly strong concepts, Spatial Transference ability and the Anti-God nature of the weapon, this is a Phantasm that can be considered on a level equivalent to True Magic.


    Vijaya
    O Shiva, Guide Unto Me


    Type:
    Anti-Unit
    Rank: B
    Range: 1 - 80

    Description: The bow of Lord Shiva, it is a fine and glorious bow that Karna keeps wreathed in flames using his Prana Burst skill, in order to protect his identity. Application of his combat astras to the arrows fired by Vijaya can change the properties of the greatly, allowing him to manipulate the power and cost of his Noble Phantasm’s attacks, from as low as Rank E Phantasmal attacks to as great as Rank A+ radial sunbursts. The regular mystical trait of Vijaya’s normal arrows is that of pursuit, granting any arrow he fires some degree of homing capacity.


    Arjuna

    Arjuna
    Destined Heroic Son of the Great Sky God


    Class:
    Rider

    Alternate Classes: Archer, Lancer

    Parameters:

    Strength: B
    Endurance: B

    Agility:B
    Magic: B
    Luck: C

    Class Skills

    Riding
    The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.


    • A+: Arjuna's ability to ride animals and vehicles is unparalleled. Due to the legends of how he had Krishna, the divine lord himself, as his charioteer during his greatest match, Arjuna is able to pilot vehicles subconsciously and without actually attending to their controls, as if an invisible god were still driving his vehicle for him.


    Magic Resistance

    The ability to defend against magical effects.


    • B: Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected.


    Personal Skills
    Privilege of the Rich
    The noble privilege to oppress the opponent’s character and attribute.


    • A: Arjuna will not be affected by morals and logic from words spoken by those of a lesser caste. It expresses the power to invalidate the true nature of the opponent possessed by Arjuna, who was blessed with the right as a prince to ignore the life and value of the weak, due to being someone without a single responsibility to those below him.


    Prana Burst (Lightning)
    The power to put prana into weapons to generate a specific elemental effect.


    • A: In Arjuna's case, raging lightning become prana to dwell in the weapon used. This Skill is usually active and all the weapons that Arjuna grasps receive this effect. Being a direct manifestation of his heritage as the child of a sky god, the lightning bolts created by this effect are more powerful than ones he could invoke through a normal combat astra, but have the potential flaw of carrying a divine trait alongside the lightning.


    Divinity
    Representation of the aptitude of the person to possess traits of a Divine Spirit.

    • A: As the son of the Sky Deity Indra and having united with Indra after death, Arjuna possesses the highest Divine Spirit aptitude. This Divine Spirit aptitude exhibits high defensive power in regards to sky deity-lineage Heroic Spirits of a lower Divinity rank. At this level of Divinity Arjuna gains a bonus ability known as “Purge Defense”, which reduces opposing special defensive values significantly, and can penetrate skills such as “Protection of the Faith”.


    Combat Astras
    The divine boons granted to Indian warriors of legend, astras are in fact a very narrow field of combat-focused applications of elemental magecraft upon physical items.

    • C: Restricted by his role as a Rider class, Arjuna only has access to a handful of his magical astras, and his most powerful astra is treated as a Phantasm all of its own in this particular class. As an Archer this would undoubtedly be an A-Ranked skill.


    Noble Phantasms

    Vimana Khandeva
    O Heavens, Allow These Flames To Cross You


    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: A+
    Range: 5-50
    Targets: 30


    Description: An ancient flying vessel of war, descended from the original Vimana that was contained within the treasury of Gilgamesh. However, while many of the prototypes inside the king’s golden vault are stronger than their descendant models thanks to the Mystery of Age, the Vimana was a merging of powerful magical artefacts with advanced technology obtained from an otherworldly source of knowledge, and as such the vimana was a weapon that was refined over time, the reverse-engineered technology becoming more tightly integrated and attuned with the magical devices that worked in harmony with it inside the Vimana’s shell. By the time that Arjuna became a warrior the Vimana was a grand weaponised transport for royalty, and he became well-practised in its functions and usage. Being a skilled user of the weapon, Arjuna is fearful in his usage of this powerful craft. Gifted to Arjuna by the gods, this ancient aircraft is in fact powered by two powerful nature spirits, familiars of the great Divine Spirits Agni and Varuna, granting the Vimana aspects of flame and storms, trailing thunder, lightning and galeforce winds in its path.

    Gandiva
    O Creator, Lend Me Your Primeval Thunder


    Type:
    Anti-Unit
    Rank: D
    Range: 1-20
    Targets: 1-2

    Description: A diaphanous bow formed of black and broiling stormclouds and thunderheads, whose string is woven tornadoes and whose arrows are actually shards of lightning instead of any solid projectile. As he has not been summoned in the Archer container, Gandiva is restricted in its power and usage, the range and offensive strength of its projectiles are average at best. However, even though he hasn’t retained all of his astras in this class, the ones he does possess give him a small degree of utility, and he could pass quite easily as an Archer if he wanted to.


    Pashupastra
    O Destroyer, Kill This World Of Mine


    Type:
    Anti-World
    Rank: EX
    Range: 1-99
    Targets: 9999

    Description: A single-use phantasm on a level that can only be compared with weapons that can destroy the world, this powerful astra was a gift from Shiva to Arjuna, and can be used only once during the course of a Grail War. It is on a level equal to the output of Ea, Destroyer of Worlds, and if not used carefully can wreak incredible damage on the land around its user. Famed in the Ramas as a weapon that can end all of Creation, the Pashupastra is the pinnacle of the Astra thaumaturgies, concentrating such magical power and energy into the weapon it is enhancing that it can tear away the edges of the Supreme Reality Marble of the Earth itself. This is not a revealing of the Truth in the same way as that of Ea, but it does have similar functions, and reveals the darkness of the void, the empty road from existence to the Root itself.

  20. #8440
    吸血鬼 Vampire Rotheos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafflesiac View Post
    1) Too much bolded text. My eyes ;_;
    2) Knock Independent Action down from EX. Gilgamesh has a comparable if not greater ego and willfulness, and his IA is not EX.
    did a lot of edits. sorry about the bold. replaced the rank of ie and military tactics. i forgot that iskandar has rank b so i reduced it to same level. also added (FALSE) to territory creation because it is creation not through magical means. added the noble phantasm: Hellespont: The Punishment of Whips and Chains
    Last edited by Rotheos; March 29th, 2014 at 10:26 PM.

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