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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #14341
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    The red shadow is a counter guardian?????

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    Beats By Matthew ft. Dr. Para Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    The red shadow is a counter guardian?????
    Well duh.

    Haven't you read Mahoyo?
    Supports:


    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

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    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafflesiac View Post
    Well duh.

    Haven't you read Mahoyo?
    For one thing, isn't Mahoyo stuff still spoiler-tagged? Also, when I first saw the 'red shadow' watching a Mahoyo video somebody here linked (of the Flat Snark fight), I'd assumed it was some kind of symbol for Aoko's own fears of what she'd become if she used the Fifth Magic.

    Spoiler-tags on this forum are awkward as all Hell by the way. Break up the pace of the text terribly. Shadow-tagging is much better, at least IMO.

    Update: Or maybe not.

  4. #14344
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    The red shadow is a counter guardian?????
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    For one thing, isn't Mahoyo stuff still spoiler-tagged? Also, when I first saw the 'red shadow' watching a Mahoyo video somebody here linked (of the Flat Snark fight), I'd assumed it was some kind of symbol for Aoko's own fears of what she'd become if she used the Fifth Magic.

    Spoiler-tags on this forum are awkward as all Hell by the way. Break up the pace of the text terribly. Shadow-tagging is much better, at least IMO.
    Oh, sorry. Didn't know.

  5. #14345
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafflesiac View Post
    Well duh.

    Haven't you read Mahoyo?
    I don't remember seeing 守護者 anywhere

  6. #14346
    Bitchin' Arashi_Leonhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    For one thing, isn't Mahoyo stuff still spoiler-tagged?
    Sure, the things that are untranslated.

    Guess what has been translated?

  7. #14347
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erlking View Post
    Besides that, I'm curios why Zeus has such a low riding rank. After all he did have a pretty impressive chariot pulled by the four winds in the form of horses. That should probably earn him A rank riding at least even putting aside all the potential jokes you could make from a high Riding rank.
    I forgot about the chariot, thanks for saying. Boosted riding to A+.

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    屍食鬼 Ghoul NightEye's Avatar
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    Class: Rider
    True Name: Hannibal Barca
    Titles: The Scourge of Rome, Father of Strategy, Thunderbolt
    Sex: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral

    Appearance


    Strength: B
    Endurance: C
    Agility: B
    Mana: C
    Luck: B
    Noble Phantasm: A

    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance:
    C
    Grants protection against magical effects.
    Rider can cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    Riding:
    A+
    The ability to ride mounts.
    Creatures on the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

    Personal Skills


    Eternal Nemesis:
    A
    Raises basic parameters when combating Heroic Spirits is one of or has a connection to skill owner’s enemies.
    As a small child, Rider’s father made him swear an oath to always be an enemy of Rome upon the altar of Baal. He made good with that oath, becoming the man who will lead an army to the heart of Latium and put Rome to its knees. Rider gains a rank to all base parameters when he is faced with Heroic Spirits with a connection to Rome.

    Military Tactics:
    B
    Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
    Rider’s military tactics were in truth not particularly spectacular or groundbreaking for his time. But what sets him apart from the rest however is his excellent use of whatever troops and resources he had available and utilizing whatever advantage in battle he can find regardless of how small it is.

    Charisma:
    B+
    The natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles.
    As a natural born leader of men in his life, being able to command the loyalty and respect of his men even through the difficult trek over the Alps. He also made for a decent ruler, managing to help Carthage recover despite suffering a massive its defeat in the end of the second Punic war. Though his popularity was a great asset to his career, it was also his greatest curse; with the Carthaginian Senate constantly wary of him and his family for fear that he will decide to usurp them. As a result, they constantly clashed with him which ultimately led to the demise of Carthage itself. Rider gains a rank boost to this skill when dealing with matters of military nature.

    Eye of the Mind:
    B
    A heightened capacity for observation, refined through experience.
    Though famous for his military insight and accomplishments in battle, Rider was also quite good at political dealings and trade as well. To him in a way, success in these fields was a matter of studying you opponent and finding weakness and opportunities to exploit.

    Noble Phantasms


    Hoc Est Bellum: All is Allowed:
    B ~ A
    Representing the methods of scorched earth tactics that Rider adopted during his conquest of Roman territories, this Noble Phantasm allows him to ruin the very land itself. When activated, everywhere within 300 meters of Rider, the leylines within the Earth become warped, unstable, and unusable, severing the naturally occurring source of magical energy completely and preventing anyone from tapping into leylines as an external source of energy. The aftereffects of this skill can be seen in the vegetation and animals, which grow weak and die; leaving the land itself barren and uninhabitable. The range of this noble phantasm increases to a mile when Exercitus ad Portas is activated due to the massive amount of mana necessary to utilize it.

    Surus the Syrian: Titan of War:
    A
    Rider's personal mount who he crossed the Alps with, Surus is a large African elephant with an insane weight of fifteen-thousand pounds and an unnatural height of fourteen-feet. This makes him easily described as an embodiment of stalwart dedication and resilience; a towering hulk of power and endurance that makes the very ground and atmosphere quake with its approach.

    Exercitus ad Portas: Eternal Army of Vengeance:
    A++
    The greatest Noble Phantasm possessed by Rider, representing his eternal promise to forever oppose Rome and the shared desire of his entire army as a single entity to fulfill that ambition. It is the same force that made the Roman Empire, the Capital of the World itself, tremble with a perpetual trepidation by its determined approach that was engraved upon the history of the World by overcoming every obstacle intending to impede its progress by the capabilities of its insurmountable general.

    Upon evoking this Noble Phantasm, a blizzard emerges to obscure the horizon in an icy veil behind Rider, consuming the landscape as the very ground begins to quake with sudden apprehension; tremoring as the Carthaginian Army marches forth from beyond the boundaries of the Time Axis. They defy the corrective impulses of the very World itself despite not possessing external protection from it, as they rally only by the impetus of Hannibal's charismatic skills as a general and the loyalty he instilled within them.


    They are not classified as Heroic Spirits, as they have all rejected the World's offer to become a part of the Throne of Heroes and refused to depart without first fulfilling their purpose. In this sense, they have long since ceased to exist within the World. These entities are not like Wraiths or Servants, but are distortions formed within the very timeline that allow them to manifest and march alongside him, tethered to the charismatic legend of their General rather than being their own independent entities.


    All of them possess the equivalent parameters of an E-rank Servant. In addition, all of them also boast the skill of C-rank Battle Continuation, reflecting their legendary capability to survive crossing the Alps when thousands of their hardened comrades succumbed to death. They each maintain a sense of autonomy that resembles living beings due to their own desires assisting in their manifestation, despite themselves being hollowed shells filled with only loyalty and desire for battle.

    ===

    This guy is one of the main threats of the HGW in the fic I'm working on. I realize he's probably very derivative of earlier sheets of Hannibal but I'd love to know how this guy stands up to scrutiny. I haven't quite fleshed him out yet personality wise but I'm going for a subtle manipulator who plays all sides who's like a more cultured Cu Chulainn when you get to know him.

    Also I'm thinking of turning him into an Avenger for it, he'll lose Magic Resistance in exchange for Self-Replenishment (Mana) and Riding will be a personal skill.
    Last edited by NightEye; May 9th, 2016 at 10:34 AM.

  9. #14349
    Beats By Matthew ft. Dr. Para Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    I don't remember seeing 守護者 anywhere
    You obviously didn't look hard enough.
    Supports:


    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  10. #14350
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Hannibal: An obvious choice for Heroic Spirit. I've contemplated making a sheet for him as well but couldn't think of how to do him as anything other then Iskandar (elephant ver). Hoc Est Bellum is a cool NP, reminds me of when I did a different spin off the same concept (Scorched Earth tactics) for my Vercingetorix sheet. Verci and this guy would get along great, now that I think about it. Could totally imagine them hanging out and sharing a beer (or beers) together.

    Surus the Syrian is simple, yet fitting. As a Rider, his mount isn't exactly the flashiest but he makes up for it with his other NPs. Besides, nothing's scarier then a giant fifteen-thousand pound elephant charging you down, shaking the earth with its every step. One thing I can say is that if you wanted to add more to it you could base it off the crazy properties Elephants were supposed to have from Fate/Side Materials. It was ultimately a hoax, but hilarious enough that I want to see it used in a sheet somewhere. Your choice, though.

    Exercitus ad Portas is a typical army-summon NP. Not much to say here. I do like how you tried to differentiate it from Ionian Hetairoi though, even if its still pretty similar in terms of mechanical effect.

  11. #14351
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Rider
    Endymion of Elis


    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Place of birth: Olympia
    STR: D
    END: B
    AGI: D
    MAG: A
    LUCK: A
    NP: A+

    Class Skills

    Riding (A):
    The ability to ride mounts. At this rank, creatures on the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind. Suitable for a member of the Rider class.

    Magic Resistance (C):
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differently from the Resistance effect that merely rejects prana, this ability cancels the spells altogether. This rank can cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    Personal Skills

    Divinity (C): The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster raises. It can also decrease due one's dislike for the gods. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called "purge defense" in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig. In some versions of his legend, Rider is one of the (many, many) children of the god Zeus.

    Ethereal Beauty (C): A skill that symbolizes the beauty capable of enchanting the gods. A charm type effect that works on both men and women, but that can be resisted with appropriate defensive skills, such as Magic Resistance or Bravery.

    Affections of the Gods (A+): A divine blessing that causes a rank up in all parameters due to the favour of one or more gods. As the beloved of not one, but two different gods, namely Selene and Hypnos, Rider possesses a very high rank in this skill. Due to one of his divine patrons being the embodiment of the moon, Rider’s Strength, Endurance and Agility all receive a further rank up when he stands in direct moonlight.

    Lullaby (A): A charm bestowed on Rider by the god Hypnos that causes a compulsion to sleep. The effect can be lessened with sufficient Magical Resistance, as well as skill that weaken mental effects. The lullaby will not differentiate between friend and foe, and as an extension of a spell that was placed on Rider, any effects suffered by his opponent will be suffered by him as well. As an A rank ability, a defense of a similar strength is required to fully shrug off the lullaby’s effects.

    Noble Phantasms


    Selenic Chariot
    Gift of the Lunar Goddess


    (Anti-Army, B-E):
    The chariot of the moon goddess, gifted to her lover. A shining silver chariot adorned with a glowing crescent and pulled by two pure white bulls, the chariot radiates a glowing light that calms savage hearts and erases chaos and strife. Though benevolent in nature, Endymion can and will use the soothing nature of the light offensively, such as using its soothing aura to weaken resistance to his sleep inducing magic. As it is the chariot of the moon, it can only be utilized at night, and its power and light waxes and wanes as the moon does, reaching its full power on the night of the full moon, and being utterly useless on the night of the new moon.

    Kiss of Hypnos
    Endless Sleep of the Immortal King


    (Anti-Self, A+):
    The enchantment that Selene and Hypnos placed on Endymion, and the most famous aspect of his legend: the spell of immortality, endless youth and an eternal, deep, dream-filled sleep. This Noble Phantasm is always active, and its enchantment is simple but incredibly powerful: so long as Endymion sleeps, he will not die. In addition, all his wounds and injuries will heal. Whilst he sleeps, he cannot be woken by outside forces. A powerful defensive Noble Phantasm that renders him almost completely useless while it is in action. As a side note, the strength of Endymion’s charm spell will increase while he sleeps. This Noble Phantasm's symbol is a poppy, a sacred flower of the god Hypnos.

    Spoiler:
    Likes: Moonlight
    Dislikes: The sun, early mornings
    Talents: Sleeping
    Natural Enemy: Caffeine

    Rider is Endymion, a young king of Elis who, whilst sleeping in a field one night, caught the eye of the moon goddess Selene and the god of sleep Hypnos. Together, they placed a charm on him that left him undying and unaging, but also placed him in an eternal sleep.

    Used to sleeping as he is, Endymion is an extremely somnolent young man who would prefer just to be left alone so he can nap, and will only put the smallest amount of effort into anything he does. Despite his laziness, he is something of a night owl, and is fond of watching the moon and stars.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly

  12. #14352
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Surtr: he sounds like a bro. It seems like he would be a nightmare for Casters and Masters to fight because he can just convert their attacks into fire and send them back at them.

    Is Laevtainn Anti-World because it's radiant heat targets the planet itself? Or is it just because it's that strong that the planet starts suffering?

  13. #14353
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Hannibal- Seems pretty solid with no faults although personally I'd increase Endurance to B or A and lower Luck to C or D. I don't think he'd qualify as an Avenger at all. Boudicca had the whole 'Enemy of Rome' thing going on and she doesn't qualify at all, she does for a Berserker though so you might wanna look into that.

    Endymion - The fact that his natural enemy is caffeine is hilarious. Lullaby adds some flavour but I have two things. One, what is to stop him sleeping the whole war and have everyone else kill each other? Two, isn't Ethereal Beauty the same is Rosy-cheeked Adonis?

  14. #14354
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Endymion - The fact that his natural enemy is caffeine is hilarious. Lullaby adds some flavour but I have two things. One, what is to stop him sleeping the whole war and have everyone else kill each other? Two, isn't Ethereal Beauty the same is Rosy-cheeked Adonis?
    It is. Bascly I wanted to use Rosy Cheeks, but I figured Endymion was too old to have it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly

  15. #14355
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Does anybody know a good, preferably fairly brief summary of the Legend Of Jangar (not Wikipedia)? I'm thinking of doing the sheet for the guy but I'm barely finding any references on him, despite his legend being apparently 'the Mongolian version of the Illiad'.

  16. #14356
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    Wikipedia, grandpa.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I mean you're not exactly writing a term paper here.

  17. #14357
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    Wikipedia, grandpa.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I mean you're not exactly writing a term paper here.
    I already looked at Wikipedia (I mean, that's the first thing I would look at), I was just wondering if they were any other, slightly more detailed sources. Generally I look over a few different sources on their legend before I go ahead with the sheet. What's your approach?

  18. #14358
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    Read the least detailed summary I can, reference a movie or game if there is one, then make everything up and hope some mythology nerd out there will dig out obscure references I had no idea even existed to justify everything for me.

    Same as Nasu.
    Last edited by Mcjon01; May 9th, 2016 at 05:23 PM.

  19. #14359
    Maybe He's Born With It, Maybe It's Maybelline Erlking's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Constructman View Post
    Surtr: he sounds like a bro. It seems like he would be a nightmare for Casters and Masters to fight because he can just convert their attacks into fire and send them back at them.

    Is Laevtainn Anti-World because it's radiant heat targets the planet itself? Or is it just because it's that strong that the planet starts suffering?
    It's meant more as the first then the second, though it's effect is closer to the second then to Ea if that makes any sense.

    Basically it's Anti-World because it is quite literally the weapon of the being that burnt the world to ashes at the end of Ragnarok. It isn't just burning things like a normal fire would, or even like normal heat would, but instead literally burning and incinerating the planet itself. It's full power would never be realized in a grail war of course, both due to the prana expenditure as well as due to Gaia shutting that shit down should he try to actually due the engulf the world in fire thing, but the potential still remains.

  20. #14360
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    Which would people rather see from me first?

    My Nimrod sheets, a Baldwin IV sheet or a remake of my Alaric I sheet?
    My honest opinion regarding GO
    Its not very good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that its bad. It offers very little to the Fate franchise in terms of quality - in fact, I'd argue that its content actually diminishes the quality of the franchise as a whole. A lot of its problems can be put down to the 'mobile game' format it uses, but that was a conscious decision on the part of its creators so it can't be used to shuffle off blame. And GO's problems that don't stem from it being a mobile game... I'm being polite by calling it a piece of trash. But... Nasu clearly had a blast writing/making it that I can't quite bring myself to hate it. Loathe it, sure, but not hate. That's too strong of an emotion. Only just, though.

    My Servants

    The starting penalty is five.

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