William Wallace definitely makes for a good Servant idea, but why is he Berserker? For what I know of his legend, he doesn't strike me as the "mad warrior" type (patriotic and battle-hardy to be the sure, but hardly "mad"). Also why does his Noble Phantasm serve to conceal his identity (especially since it's probably the most famous symbol of his identity), and what do you the mean by "the blade has been altered over time"? Second NP is definitely fitting, though a tad generic.
Admittedly the Braveheart movie was the inspiration for him being a berserker, but that's mostly Mel Gibson in general. As for the sword, every single part has been replaced over the years:hilt, handel grip and the blade itself, none of the sword in the museum at the moment is the original, which is where I got the idea from.
Huh. That's actually kinda' interesting, at the very least more creative then the obvious "sword-beam of FREEDOM" I've seen in a few other Wallace sheets.
Never seen the Gibson movie so I can't really comment on that, though I can sorta' imagine what you mean.
Considering you admitted to being inspired by the Braveheart movie, I'm actually surprised you didn't give him Bravery as a Skill (though it would be sealed under Mad Enhancement anyway).
Servant Saber:
True Name: Judah Maccabee
Alignment: Lawful Good
Summoning Catalyst: his shield
Alternate Class: Shielder
Strength- B
Agility- C+
Endurance- A
Mana- D
Luck- A
NP- A
Appearance:
Personality: Proud and righteous, showing great fervor in battle. He is relatively calm most of the time and tends to analyze situations objectively, believing that a man without his reason is little more then a wild beast. So even as his blood boils over with rage against injustice, his mind remains cool. A true patriot devout in his faith, yet respectful of the faiths of others and opposing oppressors in all varieties, whether they be Jew or Greek. He has a scholarly heart and is fascinated by the plethora of literature in the modern age, though he swears that none can surpass the Torah.
Likes: freedom of worship, books, Israel
Dislikes: desecration of the Temple, Hellenized Jews
Talent: guerilla warfare
Natural Enemy: Antiochus IV
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance (B-)- can cancel spells with incancations of less than three verses. The naturally high Magic Resistance of the Saber class bolstered by his immense religious faith. However for that reason, it is less effective against any spells originating from the Jewish faith.
Riding (C)- Ability to ride animals. At this rank, the Servant is capable of handling almost any mount and medium-sized vehicles (i.e. automobiles) with an average amount of skill. Not famous for riding animals in life, though as a soldier it would be hardly suprising for him to have some familiarity with them.
Personal Skills:
Nature Of A Rebellious Spirit (A)- The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. A wandering star that does not have the capacity to be king nor is capable of finding his own king. Negates the effects of Charisma with the same rank. Saber famously led the Maccabean revolt against the Selucuid Empire that sought to drive his people to extinction. He would not subjugate himself before any earthly authority, but swore his allegience only to the Lord.
Military Tactics (C+)- Tactical instinctive ability used not for one-on-one combat, but on a battlefield where many are mobilized. Great military skill shown in his battles against the mighty Greek army which had conquered much of the world. The + modifier denotes effectiveness of guerilla tactics, which Saber specialized in, rarely engaging the enemy armies in all-out combat if he could help it.
(A)- The title of one said to be a hammer of the faith, granting the quick-wittedness and brute strength required to defeat beasts unaided. Saber's assumed name of "Maccabee" meant "hammer" in Hebrew, in recognition of his ferocity in battle.MaccabeeHammer Of Judaism
Noble Phantasms:
Sword Of Apollonius- By Your Own Blade Ye Shall Be Brought Down (D~A, Anti-Unit): The sword Judah obtained from the fallen Selucuid general Apollonius in the battle of Nahal El-Haramiah. Wresting the blade from his opponent's dying hands, it became a symbol for vengeance which he used for the rest of his military career. A slender weapon, with a handle of fretted gold and a blue steel blade etched with carvings depicting the labors of Heracles. Despite bearing Pagan imagery, its ties with Judah's own legend have ascended it to the level of a genuine Holy Sword, giving form to Maccabee's triumphs against the oppressive Selucuid Empire.
Against any Heroic Spirit of Greek descent, the blade's rank rises by one letter grade and will begin to actively seek out the opponent's blood on its own accord, giving his strikes a preternatural accuracy. This effect also applies to those with a reputation for tyranny, or any to have committed personal crimes against the Jewish people as a whole. If all conditions are fulfilled, it rises to the level of an A-ranked Noble Phantasm consumed with holy fires to strike down any enemies to the Jewish people.
Incidentally, this weapon is also considered synonymous with the golden sword offered to him by the prophet Jeremiah in a vision. Thus, it can be considered a form of Divine Construct (False).
Maccabean Shield- Unswaying Resolve (A, Support): A red shield inscribed with the image of a fierce golden eagle, used by Judah during his battles against the Selucuid Empire. Normally it can withstand up to C ranked attacks unscathed, but that is not its true function. When invoked by name, it projects a barrier-like Bounded Field around Saber in the shape of a Star Of David, covering a total distance of forty feet in all directions and shining with golden light.
Simultaneously embodying his reclaiming of the profaned High Temple from the Selucuids, and the "" sought after by the Jewish people across history. Within the field, Saber and all fellow Jews (or at least those who consider themselves allies of Jews) receive a full Rank-Up to all parameters, while any enemies of Pagan descent likewise receive a Rank-Down. Also, any corrupting influences affecting Saber and his allies (such as poisons and mental interference) are instantly dispelled, and their wounds will heal over faster then normal. The field can only be maintained for a relatively short time, and will be dispelled instantly if the shield is broken or Saber is slain.Zionpromised land
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The idea for a Judah Maccabee sheet occured to me way back when I was first getting into designing Servant sheets, but it was only now that I came up with inspiration for his NPs and overall concept. The NPs are admittedly a tad generic (especially the shield) and mainly carried by flavor-text, so if anyone can think of more interesting ideas they're welcome to suggest. I especially need ideas for the effects of his Hammer Of Judaism Skill, other then generic immunity to mental interference/stat buff type thing which shows up in a lot of other Skills. As of now it's basically just flavor-text. He also might be a bit too strong for his relatively young age but Sabers are almost always hella' strong, so I don't think its that big a deal (and D'eon from GO had stats about as high despite being much more modern).
It was also a bit hard finding a faceclaim for this guy considering how rare middle-eastern type characters are in most anime. Pretty sure this one's actually from an Islamic guy but it the closest I could find, and I didn't feel like having to describe middle eastern battle clothing so this what you're getting. #Laziness
As always, any comments and criticisms would be welcomed!
Last edited by RoydGolden; April 18th, 2016 at 01:16 PM.
Finally, the last of the Nine Worthies has a sheet.
"We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet
List of Servants I've made
...So, can anybody think of a good effect for his Hammer Of Judaism Skill? If really nobody can I might just end up scrapping it and replacing it with Bravery or something... (don't want to though, I really like the name)
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Also I just got back here after going through all my old sheets knocking off the "rank" part of descriptions (just the letter grade itself, without the word "rank" tacked on at the end) to make it a bit neater. Obsessive compulsive, me? You surely jest.
Military Tactics might be a bit too high. I mean, Caesar and Alexander only have B ._. C+ would be fine IMO, since you did state he specializes in guerilla
Also, according to some scholars, Maccabee be a shortened Hebrew for "the one designated by Yahweh", so, uh... Some god-boost a la Affections of the Goddess?
He pretty much opposed the entire Greek Empire by himself and his rag-rag army. I mean, that's some downright Lelouchian (from Code Geass) level of military badassery. I think a high rank is pretty deserved, all things considered.
Don't think he needs another parameter boost, since he already gets one from his shield NP. Interesting idea, though.
Last edited by RoydGolden; February 18th, 2016 at 12:42 AM.
Yeah but Caesar and Alexander are like, THE conquerors, THE strategists.Originally Posted by RoydGolden
With C+ he'd still have a decent rank, and surpass them when it comes to Guerilla.
Fair point. I'll lower it to C+ posthaste. Thanks!
Still need ideas for Hammer Of Judea though...
You could have it be analogous to the Divine Protection skill that David has or Protection of the Faith or even the Saint skill.
Perhaps some combination of the three? Kind of like how Voyager of the Storm acts as Charisma, Military Tactics and Riding?
You could probably do without comparing him to Lelouch.
F/GO SUPPORT
True Name: Ardaric, King of The Gepids
Class:Lancer
Sex:Male
Alignment:Lawful Neutral
Alternate Classes:Archer, Rider.
Description: Lancer is a relatively young man with white skin and blonde hair, his eyes are black and a stern but rather unassuming face for a Heroic Spirit. He is clad in leather and wool armor, obviously well made and adorned with few but precious jewelery, colored in red, green and blue, signifying his royalty. Yet... there are oddities in their designs, his armor's markings are straight black and red lines that form geometric patterns which glow when struck, some of his jewellery when looked closely are not made from normal precious material, but, are instead made of solidified tri-colored light. The most bizarre and anachronistic thing is his 'spear', it has a black shaft made out of unknown metal, the guard, while red, is made of the same mysterious material, and the head is a circular 'blade' that ends in two prongs and made out of the same solid light as some of his jewelery. It is capable of cutting and melting steel like a white hot knife through butter.
Lancer's loyalty, though absolute, is the 'loyal to the king, not the kingdom' kind, so while he may be respectful to his Master he does not extend the same respect to his Master's ally, family, subjects or superiors, instead they must earn them from their actions, mere intention and words are meaningless to him. If his original king is summoned in the same war, he would do almost anything to persuade his Master to ally with his liege.
STR: D
AGI: B
END: C
MGI: D+
LCK: B
Class Skill
Magic Resistance: C
Cancel spells with a chant of two verses and lower. Lancer only has this because of his class container
Personal Skills
Charisma: B
The skill that signifies ones leadership ability, provides bonuses to allies. At this rank, Lancer is capable of leading a kingdom.
Riding: B
The ability to ride vehicles and mounts. At this rank, Lancer is capable of riding most mounts with above-average skill. A bonus is provided when he is riding horses.
Nature of A Loyal Soul: A+
Increases the bonus when when affected by Charisma, MIlitary Tactics and Command Seals from those Lancer has pledged his loyalty. At this rank, even mundane direct orders from his Master carry the weight and power of a Command Seal. Lancer in life was loyal to an uncaring, unfeeling and unthinking inhuman harbinger of destruction, It matters little to nothing for Lancer.
Noble Phantasms
Penatis Fracti Thronum: Fading Light of Destruction(Anti-Army, B)
After Lancer's king died, her three heirs vied and fought for the empty throne, inevitably sending the empire into a slow spiral of death and dishonoring their father's name in their bid for power. For Lancer this is unacceptable, either his king's empire will be an immortal storm of endless destruction, punishing the world for their sins or it should have been buried inside her three layered coffin, and the heirs action ensured that he would choose the second.
This Noble Phantasm manifest as a beam of light fired from Lancer's spear, the beam itself does no damage and instead it designates an area in which Mana and air is rapidly sucked, before being instantly expelled as an explosion of multicolored light, making it a relatively efficient Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Lancer proclaims that this Noble Phantasm is 'but a pale imitation' of his liege's divinely granted blade's power.
Last edited by bigblack; February 18th, 2016 at 07:46 AM.
Three things:
1) Who the hell is this guy and what's his story? You might either want to type up his lore or provide a link to it.
2) Nature of a Loyal Soul seems pretty fucking OP, even if it is at A+ levels. If you want to keep the "even normal orders function like Command Seals" effect than at least make it EX-ranked. I would personally suggest nerfing it, however.
3) If his NP is supposed to be about him destroying his (former) leige's kingdom so that her heirs wouldn't "ruin it", shouldn't it be Anti-Fortress (or even Anti-City or Anti-Empire or Anti-Civilization) instead of Anti-Army? Unless I've completely misinterpreted it.
Last edited by Crying; February 18th, 2016 at 07:57 AM.
I think that he's Attila's top lieutenant, much like how Bedivere was to Arturia, I agree with what ya said about Nature of a Loyal Soul. I like the idea, but it's a bit OP.
That would explain the weird futuristic designs on his armor and spear, anyway. Definitely could have used an explanation, though.
- - - Updated - - -
Added another line to Hammer Of Judaism ala David's Divine Protection Skill from Apocrypha. Still not much, since that Skill was mostly flavor-text anyway, but it does kinda' fit and I can't think of anything better at the moment.
The main thing that confused me was the fact that he's called a king but apparently was a servant for someone else in life...
Also I don't like the genderbended Attila from GO... or any of the Servants from GO.
Oh look, another potshot at GO who could have seen that coming it's super original.
I gave you suggestions...
Well, I heeded your suggestion re:Divine Protection.
Not that unusual, actually, especially when it comes to Attila. Dietrich von Bern was a powerful king in his own right, for instance, but he still served Attila (or Etzel, as he was called in medieval German texts) as a vassal.
Last edited by SpoonyViking; February 18th, 2016 at 12:53 PM.
I always forget that Dietrich von Bern isn't an actor.
I blame Marlene Dietrich.
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