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Thread: Postpartum [Genderswapped Kirei, oneshot]

  1. #1
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Postpartum [Genderswapped Kirei, oneshot]

    Author Notes: A while back, somebody suggested a genderswapped Kirei, and speculated about the effects of motherhood.

    This drabble occurred to me.









    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    Postpartum

    I see your father when I look at you, Caren. You have the same eyes – large and golden, like a kitten’s.

    He was a good man, your father. Pious. Meek. And very much in love with me. He had this little gesture where he twined his fingers around the cross on his neck just so, and smiled up at me. Vaguely apologetic. I want help you, Miss Kotomine. To fill that emptiness in your heart. Your father was always so dramatic.

    And I’d married him, because I’d believed it as much as he had.

    The child was supposed to do it, if all else failed. You were my ticket to salvation. Something that I could adore with that perfect, perfect love that mothers are supposed to feel. To show off to Risei, your grandfather. Your father said as much on his deathbed. Clasped my hand and assured me that it would be different from now on. I looked into those amber eyes until they went dim, and felt…nothing.

    No.

    I’ve lied to you just now. Please believe me when I say that it was accidental. You know my distaste for lying.

    I felt regret that I hadn’t throttled him. That I could never see those amber eyes widen as I drove the Black Keys into his throat, or hear him choke on his own punctured lungs. He was gone. Your father was gone. I felt nauseous. I wanted nothing more than to retch until the bile came out red. Morning sickness, perhaps.

    Most of all, I felt fear. He was a good man, your father. But he was rarely right.

    I saw your father’s eyes again seven months later, when I held you in the delivery room. The same eyes. They were as I’ve already described them – large and golden, like a kitten’s.

    How the delivery room attendants cooed over you. Smiled. Congratulated me. I was a mother now. Huh.

    But I saw something in you then that I’d never seen in your father. You shivered, Caren, in that unfamiliar cold. So, so vulnerable. So far beyond your father’s practiced humility. Crying. Clutching at me. So eager to be loved.

    Intimate. Everything suddenly made sense when I looked down at you. And what a revelation it was. A severed part of me, crying out for comfort. I soon figured out how to hold you just awkwardly enough to make you cry more loudly.

    Your father’s parishioners made a fuss, of course – mixed blessings and condolences for the deacon’s widow and her beautiful new daughter. And you were so very beautiful, Caren. You still are. Always. Even with that mask you wear now at every disappointment, every slight, every sliver of love that I deny you, I can still taste the pain underneath. My little girl.

    That night, I slept more peacefully than I’d slept in years. Your father’s parishioners had given you so much. Formula milk. Toys. Clothes. A crib. So considerate.

    But it was the baby monitor that I treasured the most. I heard you bawling in that empty room on the second floor. It surprised me – not the sound, but the effect it had on me. A twinge somewhere. They say there’s nothing like hearing it from your own child. Savoring it.

    But you don’t cry anymore, do you, Caren? Too grown-up these days, I suppose, to fill your mother’s emptiness. To sing me to sleep with that loud, sharp lullaby.

    We should stay in closer touch, you and I.
    Last edited by Zalgo Jenkins; June 25th, 2013 at 02:53 PM.

  2. #2
    Artistic Alien Kuradora's Avatar
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    I really liked this. It really makes one think about whether Kotomine truly gained something from motherhood.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vigilantia View Post
    Time to go to the holodeck! *Rams head up Sakura's vagina*

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    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kuradora View Post
    I really liked this. It really makes one think about whether Kotomine truly gained something from motherhood.
    Whether what she gained was positive is, of course, another issue.

    Also, somewhat relevant, if only for the creepy, dead eyes: http://konachan.com/image/9ce62b7b77...%20werkbau.jpg

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    Artistic Alien Kuradora's Avatar
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    Nice~. They remind me of Hinamizawa Syndrome eyes.

    The pigtailed Gilgamesh kinda takes away from the impression, though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vigilantia View Post
    Time to go to the holodeck! *Rams head up Sakura's vagina*

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  6. #6
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
    I can just imagine the mindscrew that is Caren's childhood
    Canon Caren Ortensia is an incredibly fortunate that her parents' genders weren't reversed.

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    War sword KooriRenchuu's Avatar
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    Oh god, I want to let Female!Kotomine torture me so she can feel some joy...

  8. #8
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six
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    It's rather creepy how with Kotomine here you're wondering if she gained a mother's love for Caren or does she only love to find new ways to create misery for her.

    Will this continue or is this a one shot?
    Last edited by warellis; June 24th, 2013 at 01:38 AM.

  9. #9
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by warellis View Post
    It's rather creepy how with Kotomine here you're wondering if she gained a mother's love for Caren or does she only love to find new ways to create misery for her.

    Will this continue or is this a one shot?
    This will almost certainly remain a oneshot. Though it occurs to me that this adds some extra emphasis to the preexisting Kirei-and-Kiritsugu dynamic's subtext.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by KooriRenchuu View Post
    Oh god, I want to let Female!Kotomine torture me so she can feel some joy...
    I'm sure she would be happy to oblige.
    Last edited by Zalgo Jenkins; June 24th, 2013 at 02:13 AM.

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    This reminds me.

    FEM!KARYIA/KOTOMINE HATESEX WHERE YOLF?

  11. #11
    Sentimental Fool NewAgeOfPower's Avatar
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    Holy crap Zalgo, you've been on a spree recently.
    If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster;
    And treat those two impostors just the same,

    -Ruyard Kipling, "If"

    -)|(-

    My works [Updated June 21st, 2013]


    "From a dusky world with an ever-setting sun, a limitless rain of Ryougi Shiki streaked down from gargantuan gears set in the sky." Fate: Over 9000, my best Crack yet.

  12. #12
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NewAgeOfPower View Post
    Holy crap Zalgo, you've been on a spree recently.
    Hopefully a relatively successful one. At any rate, I'll have to add most of my recent stuff onto the drabble thread pretty soon, before everything gets buried again.

  13. #13
    Sentimental Fool NewAgeOfPower's Avatar
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    Most of it is of good quality- and it seems the forum agrees with me.
    If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster;
    And treat those two impostors just the same,

    -Ruyard Kipling, "If"

    -)|(-

    My works [Updated June 21st, 2013]


    "From a dusky world with an ever-setting sun, a limitless rain of Ryougi Shiki streaked down from gargantuan gears set in the sky." Fate: Over 9000, my best Crack yet.

  14. #14
    Here I was, dawww-ing all the way, when this happened:

    I soon figured out how to hold you just awkwardly enough to make you cry more loudly.
    But it was the baby monitor that I treasured the most. I heard you bawling in that empty room on the second floor. It surprised me – not the sound, but the effect it had on me. A twinge somewhere. They say there’s nothing like hearing it from your own child. Savoring it.

    But you don’t cry anymore, do you, Caren? Too grown-up these days, I suppose, to fill your mother’s emptiness. To sing me to sleep with that loud, sharp lullaby.
    The way Kirei twists the bond between mother and daughter to something so warped was chilling. I guess Kirei's gonna Kirei, genderswap or not.
    Last edited by Leftovers; June 24th, 2013 at 09:01 AM.

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    Dapper Deathwing YeOfLittleFaith's Avatar
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    Well, that was deeply perturbing! Damn, Kirei as a woman makes me shiver in all the wrong ways, even more so than in canon.
    Poor Caren.


    Quote Originally Posted by Arch-Magos Winter View Post
    This reminds me.

    FEM!KARYIA/KOTOMINE HATESEX WHERE YOLF?
    ... somewhere. In progress. I should probably get to that. Yeah. That's a good idea. I'll be free the next couple of weeks, so that's something I could do!



    Quote Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
    Not my fault Shirou is an awesome bro to lesbians.

  16. #16
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Here I was, dawww-ing all the way, when this happened:
    Just as planned.

    (Bwahahahahahaha!)

  17. #17
    Attention Span Gone Aiden's Avatar
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    ...

    Well then.

    Congrats, you somehow made Kotomine even more fucked up.
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:


    Quote Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
    Aiden's mind is a scary place, but this part is nice.
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    I dunno, I quite like Aiden's mind.
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    .....Damn yo-

    NO. NO I WILL NOT SAY IT.
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    Damn you


    My Work:
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  19. #19
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Zalgo Jenkins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
    At least canon Kirei tried his best not to enjoy such things BG (Before Gilgamesh). Lady Kirei didn't last long against the temptation.
    The close link with Caren basically tripped every wire in Female Kotomine's already none-too-stable psyche at once. A perfect storm, kinda.

    Divergent life experiences (different relationships with her father and husband, changed expectations, different education, etc.) also lead Female Kotomine to compartmentalize her mind less fanatically than canon Kirei did, which helped start the dominoes falling sooner.

  20. #20
    Citizen of the World TheInfamousMan's Avatar
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    Have to admit, Kirei is even more creepy when female. You would think that being a mother would improve her fucked-upness. But no. You showed that no matter what gender, Kirei will always get off on suffering.

    kudos

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