Fate/Prototype novel

[nakulas]

As per request, I started translating the Fate/Prototype novel that's being serialized in Comptiq (or something) now.

I did not finish translating it, though, because quite frankly, the way this guy writes sucks ass. I did get through the first page of the scans, which you can find translated here: http://pastebin.com/HRRY0kpz

A summary of what happens in the rest of Little Lady: Act 1 follows below.

Spoiler:

--Ayaka gives a brief exposition on the HGW.
--Ayaka talks about how Saber is now there with her.
--Ayaka remembers how Saber was also with Manaka 8 years prior.
--FLASHBACK TIME! (to 1991, presumably 8 years prior)
--Ayaka wakes up one morning and internal-monologues for a while.
--Then, she heads off for her daily black magic practice.
--She internal-rambles at great length about how nice her house's garden is.
--She flashes back to a conversation from the previous night between her father and Ayaka, presumably about how the HGW is going to start soon.
--She gets chummy with some of the sacrificial doves in her garden.
--Her father scolds her for getting chummy with the doves.
--Her father tells her that she doesn't need to practice black magic today and should just come eat breakfast instead.
--Manaka makes breakfast.
--Ayaka internal-rambles about how amazing Manaka's cooking is, and about how amazing Manaka is in general.
--Manaka tells Ayaka that the secret ingredient in her cooking is stronger than magic (魔術): love sorcery (恋の魔法)
--Her father grumbles something about that (so presumably we'll start getting infodumps about magic vs. sorcery in the next installment)
--To be continued.

Maybe one day if I'm really bored (or if the author decides to be less bad at writing), I'll continue with this, but for now, I'm going to call this quits.

EDIT: also - if anybody wants a transcription of Little Lady: Act 1, go here (http://pastebin.com/X02pKuvJ). There might be some typos.

[SeiKeo]

[Ratman]

88888888888888888888888888888888888

[I3uster]

88888888888888888888888888888888888

weaboo

Thanks Nakulas, I hope you move on to translate actually decent stuff!

[keeper13]

THANKYOU!THANKYOU!THANKYOU! Thank you so much! Even though it's just the first page, but Thank You!

[Ossan99]

Last line will great one. I like it.

[Crown]

Thank you very much, nakulas.

—
Ossan, if you were to read the original text: would you agree with nakulas' perception of the writting being bad?

[terraablaze]

I believe that nakulas is lying unless he presents the entire story in full for my perusal. His honor is at stake.

[Ossan99]

@Ratman
What do you mean "888888888888"?
@Crown
I have original 100 page book because I purchased it at my home. I just read this novel roughly because my objective was get new products information of TM. Sorry for my question versus question, are you expect I will check nakulas' translation result?

[Canon]

パチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチ

I more weeboo

[terraablaze]

@Crown
I have original 100 page book because I purchased it at my home. I just read this novel roughly because my objective was get new products information of TM. Sorry for my question versus question, are you expect I will check nakulas' translation result?

He's asking you about the quality of the original product. As in, does the original story in Japanese prior to translation suck or not?

[nakulas]

この小説（http://crimson-cow.tumblr.com/post/5...review-for-the）を読んで、著者の桜井光の文体が全然マズイという印象を受けた。Crownが聞いているのは、母国語話者 であるOssan99はnakulasと同じ印象を受けたのだろうか、ということだ。私の通訳は正確かどう かの問題ではない。（駄文はすみません。日本語を理解していても、話す機会があまりなくて…）

[Ossan99]

パチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチ

I more weeboo

Oh, "I have not such idea." "その発想は無かったな。"　I read as "hachihachihachihachi" or "bababababababababa" or "yayayayayayayaya".
Yes, it is possible "pachipachipachipachi", sound of clap my hands. Oh now I'm doubt that I'm a native Japanese, Thank you CanonRap.

[Ossan99]

@terra
Please don't ask me English grammar, that is nightmare and I'm still working nightmare. Today, I got answer from Europe it looks like my JPNish is effective at Europe.
@nakulas
Thank you for your scanning link, now everybody check your translation. I have only two questions at this moment.
(1) At line 35:
”探しても意味はない。"="Why even search for one?"
Why are you change question from original? If I should translate, I will translate "No meaning if you try to search."
(2) About "O"
I think "O" can remove. Do you have any meaning of "O"?

[nakulas]

いやいや、通訳はどうでもいいです。私には通訳をやり直す気は全くありません。Crownはただ、文体につ いての意見を聞いてほしがっているだけです。

（２）の質問ですが、英語の「O」は旧き言葉で、助詞のような機能を果たします。日本語の名詞のあとの「よ 」に似ています。以下の通訳を参照してください。
和：「神様よ、我が願いを聞き給え。」
英："O God, hear my plea."
英語では「vocative case」と言うのです。近代英語では「O」を用いる場合はほとんどありませんが（すなわち、「O」を除き 、"God, hear my plea."と言うのは普通ですが）、まったく用いられていないわけでもありません。主にこの「Fate/Prototype」のようなedgyな大衆文学に用いられます。

[Ossan99]

@nakulas
Okay, you looks like Japanese master, I'm going to use Japanese only.

何故か目茶目茶日本語がお上手で、そもそも日本人チェックは要らない感じ満々ですが、まあいい でしょう。
本題に入ります。Crownが言うところの"文体"って日本語はこの場合何を指しますか？
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E6%96%87%E4%BD%93
ひょっとしてnakulasさん、日系か日本に住んでたことあるんじゃありませんか？Reiuさんや、Am ADo　VIIさんと同じ"匂い"がします。

[nakulas]

この場合、”文体”は例のwikipedia記事に書けれていることを指しているんじゃないんでしょうか。 つまり、この小説（の一部分）を読んで、どんな”感じ”を受け取るのか、と。私はあまり高く評価できないが 、Osさん99はどう思われるのでしょうか、と。

大変ありがたいお言葉ですが、家族には日本人は一人もおらず、一度しか日本に旅行したことはあ りません。

(non-moonrunes folk: nothing to see here; move right along.)

[Ossan99]

@nukulas
とりあえず、全編英訳したら？

[Ossan99]

@nukulas
個人的な感想を言ってしまうと、”箸にも棒にもかからない穴埋め小説"でしょう。やたらポエム 多いですし。

"wikipedia記事に書けれていることを" -> "wikipedia記事に書かれていることを"
微妙に日本語危ないですね。生粋の日本人ならば決して犯さない間違いです。細かい事ですが。まあ、他人（ひ と）のことは言えなくて、英語圏の人間からしたら私のJPNishなぞ読めたもんではなかろうでしょうけど 。

貴方の心が折れないことを祈っております。頑張ってください。必ず待っている人が居ます。それはnukul asさんしか翻訳できないんです。貴方だけしかできないんです。

[nakulas]

誤りを正してありがとう。

So, if I may summarize on Ossan99's behalf, he finds this story to be lacking in merit; present only out of necessity [i.e. _somebody_ had to write this to appease Nasu fans]; and unnecessarily poetic. I am inclined to agree on these points, particularly the last one.

It's sort of like, imagine you've never seen poetry. Then, one day, someone comes along and tells you that poetry often involves flowery language; disregards aspects of prose style like sentence structure; and incorporates deep metaphors. If you tried to write poetry based on this second-hand description, I imagine the output would be a lot like this novel.