This has to be a mistake! (Prisma Illya X Fate Crossover)

[Human]

Looking forward to the next chapter! And Shirou kicking some heroic spirit butt (hopefully)

[Renko]

Dammit! I thought it was an update!

[Phearo]

Dammit! I thought it was an update!

It feels good tricking people that there's an update, without actually having to do it yourself.

[ratstsrub]

Dammit! I thought it was an update!

.

[Phearo]

UPDATO COMMENCO! (Will probably edit this to fix anything I might've missed)
---
With a blade stuck just besides my neck, ready to slit my throat at any time, I’m pretty much left with no choice but to tell them.

Not that I have any particular clue on why they’re acting like this. They should already know, right?

“Well, I was Saber’s master for the war, though I’m sure you guys remember that.” I raise my arms up, trying to make it clearer that I’m harmless.

Just after I spoke, their glares turn deadlier, with the blade sinking closer to my skin- and a hand falling atop my right shoulder to keep me from moving. Gulp.
Sella’s face was only a breath’s away from mine, and with a whisper, she proclaimed-

“Liar-” Thankfully, before she could finish whatever she was going to say, a surprising ring of the telephone distracted everyone from their thoughts. Mumbling something inconceivable, the maid who was previously invading my personal space got up to take the phone, leaving me with Leysritt, her grip still leaving me immobile.

“Who is this?” I heard Sella speak, followed by a moment of silence. After whatever discussion she had with the person on the line, she marched her way back to the sofa, prying away the phone from her ears and presented it to me.

“It’s for you.”

I took the phone, nodded to thank her, and raised it. Whatever she heard on that phone made her stop trying to kill me temporarily, so whoever’s on the other side might be related to this somehow.

“Hello.” I let out a casual greeting.

“Hello there, Mister Emiya.” A deep voice replied back. It had a certain roughness of age with its tones, and I couldn’t help but imagine the person on the other side to be an old man. There was somewhat of a problem, though. He was speaking in English.

“…Who are you?” I tried my best to response, but it feels kinda embarrassing, seeing how broken my English was. I never really had time to practice it.

“Ah,” I heard a bit of a chuckle, before the man resumed, thankfully in Japanese-: “I had forgotten that this version of you hadn’t gone to London. My name is Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. Pleased to meet you. “

Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg? That sounds familiar…

“Ah- pleased to meet you too.” Anyways, I replied back, not bothering to give him my name- it sounded like he knew it already.

“In any case, am I correct to assume that you’re quite confused by your current circumstances?” Schweinorg-san inquired, solidifying any suspicions I had on him. He knew something, and with any luck, he would be able to explain it soon.

“Yes, I am, actually.” I decided to answer bluntly. No point dawdling, right?

“Perfect! Looks like it’s a success.”

That’s not exactly the reply I was hoping for. I should ask properly.

“Sir, would you mind telling me what’s going on?”

As I asked that, my eyes wandered back to the albino duo, now huddled together, looking like their discussing something just outside my hearing.
“Ah, yes, simply put, I’ve sent you as backup, since I might’ve overestimated the efficiency of my apprentices.”

Apprentices? Me, as ‘backup’? Okay, now I’m even more confused.

“..Schweinorg-san, that really doesn’t explain anything.”

I shifted my weight on the sofa. Liz released me some time ago, it seems.

“Please, refer to me as Zelretch- and if you really must persist, what I’ve done was simply transfer you into the role of the Shirou Emiya of this world.” The old man- I mean, Zelretch-san chuckled slightly, his voice crackling through the phone’s speakers.

“I still don’t get it.”

Was there supposed a hint in there, somewhere?

“Sigh,” Hey, I’m trying my best! “Have you ever heard of the second magic?” Second Magic? let’s see…

“The Kaleidoscope?” It’s not the exact name, but it’s been dubbed that because of its-wait a minute.

“Yes, precisely.”

Just then, everything clicked in place.

“Then you’re the-!”

Zischur Zelretch Schweinorg, A.K.A., The Wizard Marshall, A.K.A, practitioner of the Second Magic-

In other words, parallel worlds.
In other words, ‘I’m not in Kansas anymore.’

“Yes, yes I am.” I bet the man’s wearing a smug look right now, but this presents another question.

“B-but, why?”

Considering his ability to travel to pretty much an infinite number of worlds, why did he choose me from the unlimited number of Shirous that he could take? And why didn’t he warn me beforehand?

“Haven’t I already told you? You’re the perfect fit. After all, with your knowledge about the Holy Grail War, and your attitude, I believe that this job is right up your alley.”

The Holy Grail War. Anything relating to those three words can’t ever be good.

“My attitude? What’s this about the Holy Grail War? Don’t tell me it’s starting again!” The Fifth Holy Grail War started ten years earlier than predicted- this world’s timeline might be different than mine, but considering Sella and Liz’s reactions to my mentions of it, it may not have happened yet, but it could happen real soon.

“I suppose ‘again’ is a good way to put it, however, the mechanics are rather different from what you’re used to. The concepts remain marginally similar, of course.”

If the concepts would be “all out battle royale between heroic figures of legends”, I think I might know where this is heading.
“So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that innocent people will get hurt again.”

While it didn’t necessarily happen during the actual servant fights- fortunately, no one was around the immediate area, at least whenever saber fought- there had been more than enough tragedies that happened, as repercussions for the things the masters and servants did outside of battle. I can still clearly remember making the connection between the gas leaks and Caster, and the revolting sight of my classmates melting due to Rider’s bounded field.

“There is a huge possibility.”

Then you needn’t say more.

“I’ll help out. I’ve seen how much damage a battle between servants can do.”

There was a pressure on my hand, and it was then that I’ve noticed that I was holding the phone tighter than I should. I loosen my grip as he spoke again.

“Good.”

While I’m at it..

“One thing, can you tell me where exactly I am, now?”

“Why, you’re in the Emiya household.” He mused, clearly having fun messing with me.

“You know what I mean…” I couldn’t help but scrunch up my brows in frustration.

There was a brief moment of silence afterwards.. but Zelretch-san replied.

“Seeing as the homunculus had been quickly briefed about the subject, why don’t you ask her about it?”

‘I wonder how much he actually told her.’ Not much, I’m guessing.

“Really? Thank you.” For giving them a reason not to shank my neck, but I’ll keep that to myself.

“You’re welcome.”

Beep.

The Wizard Marshall ended the call right there, leaving me to deal with the earlier problem. The two white-haired women looked at me as I lay the phone on the table. The gazes they casted on me were very calculating, I’ll just assume that they’re trying to size me up. There was this tense silence in the room they did so, though.

They don’t look as hostile as they did before, so that’s a plus.

“So, you really are Shirou, you’re just not from this Dimension?” Leysritt was the one who broke the silence, hoping to clear things up.

“Apparently, yeah.”

Even though I’ve shifted my gears to try thinking in that way fairly quickly, I still found it hard to believe. Acts of True Magic were practically the epitome of thaumaturgy- they’re not something that you’ll see every day, even if you are a Magus. What Heaven’s Feel accomplished was just as unbelievable, now that I think about it. Just in a different way. The latter was unbelievable because it let me meet King Arthur in person, the former let me loose in what could be described as “familiar, yet completely foreign environment.” Like someone changing your whole room as you slept soundly- and you know how humans react to change.

“Where’s our Shirou, then?”
It was Sella’s turn to ask a question. All I could do was shrug, and sigh.

“Er, I don’t actually know, sorry.”

That’s one of things I’ve forgotten to ask.

“Fine,” She crossed her arms in annoyance, ”But, could you ask the Wizard Marshall if he ever calls you again?”

“Sure, no problem.” It’s the least I could do, considering. They must be worried about my other self, and I can’t say I blame them. It really doesn’t feel right, either, taking someone’s place without their consent.

I know, it’s a parallel version of me, but I’m sure he would appreciate some semblance of choice. I hope Zelretch-san took him somewhere nice.

Anyways, better change the topic. Now that I know what my general goal is, I’ll have to learn the specifics. I think I know where to get it, too.

It wasn’t that Sella was a particularly bad source of information, but I’m getting a feeling that she really isn’t a part of any of this. So, that leaves me with Zelretch-san’s apprentices- one of them, to be exact:

Rin Tohsaka. She was kinda my mentor on magic before she moved to London- catching the eye of the Wizard Marshall there. It wasn’t something I could forget easily, since she was pretty excited when it happened.

“Hey, is Tohsaka still living in her house?”

I was living in another house than the one in my home world, so there’s a chance that she might be living somewhere else- or in London.

“?” The two maids simultaneously tilted their heads.

‘Start making sense, Shirou.’ Was basically what their expressions said. Right. Sorry.

“Uh, I mean, she still lives up the hill, in a small mansion, right?” I corrected my statement, causing Sella’s face to light up in understanding.

“Still there, as far as I remember.” She looked above the ceiling, trying to scour more information in her head. I think it’s good enough for me, so I stood up and stretched my limbs a little bit.

“Well, that’s good. It looks like she’s my best bet to know what’s up.”

“So you don’t exactly know what’s going on, as well?” I shook my head.

“I was thinking you had an idea.”

This only caused the more regal of the two maids to sigh. The other one just kept on thinking. Seeing that there's nothing left to do in the house, there's no need for me to stay here and stall.

“I should get going- I wouldn’t want to impose any longer than I’d have to.”

I move towards the exit, twisting its knob and letting the sunshine in before a voice spoke from behind me.

“..Were you the winner?” It was Leysritt again, looking really worried as she said those words.

“Huh?”

Of what, exactly?

“Of the Holy Grail War.”

Like an esper that could hear my thoughts, she cleared up her earlier vagueness, but by then I knew what she meant.

If she took my earlier revelation of being Saber’s master seriously, and the fact that I’m alive.. No- I’d rather not make those grim thoughts stick to her mind.

“…Don’t worry; everyone came back alive at the end.” It's still a mystery to me how, exactly.

“I see.” But, she seemed satisfied with the answer, with a small smile of relief creeping up her lips.

“Well, goodbye then.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and headed out into the sunlight.

---

“Hey there, Tohsak-“ After ringing the bell three times, the door slowly opened to the exceptionally scary and pitiful sight of an exasperated Rin Tohsaka disgruntled from a-

SLAM!

If I was any closer, my nose would be pancake right now.

“H-h-hi, there, Emiya-kun! Come in! Come in!” The door opened, quickly revealing a much more normal-looking Rin than earlier. She guided me to the living room, making me sit down as she pulled out some tea to serve.

“So, is there anything you want to talk about?” She hummed happily.

“Actually…”

-Somewhere in this vast Multiverse-


“Oh dear, it seems I’ve forgotten to tell Emiya that he wasn’t a magus in this dimension.” A normally busy, but currently free Zelretch said, pausing for a second.


“Oh well. He’ll be fine.” He quickly resumed drinking his tea.


-Back to Tohsaka's Residence-

“Why does everyone want to kill me whenever I say that!?”

I quickly ducked behind my improvised cover- which is pretty much a reinforced table on its side-narrowly missing the two Gandr shots Tohsaka fired.

“Who sent you? The Church? Clocktower? Atlas?” She shouted over her barrage of attacks.

“Zelretch! He told me to help you!”

I tried to peek out a little when saying that, but retreated quickly before another storm of Gandr shots landed on my face.

“Wait- The Wizard Marshall? That’s not even a decent alibi!” Out of all the times that Tohsaka could’ve chosen to be stubborn, this is not a good one!

“I’m serious-“ The table finally gave in to the torture, and broke apart! ”Whoa!” I jumped out, eyeing the smirking Tohsaka, and decided to floor it!

“Stay still!” She growled.

The intensity of the shots increased, which I had to slide behind her couch in order to dodge.

“Why should I!?”

“To prove your innocence!”

“And get myself sick!?”

“Gggaaargh!”

She finally had enough of the bantering, managing to throw the splintered remains of the wooden table at me in irritation. I dodged it, of course, retreating to the nearest room available and reinforcing the door shut.

This really reminds me of the time she chased me around the school. It went practically the same as this, and I feel like I can’t help but be nostalgic about it.

Wait, that’s not the time for that!

“Tohsaka! Let me explain!” I hugged the wall just beside the door, not planning to get hit when it finally goes down.

“There’s nothing that needs explaining!”

Thump!

The door shook once.

Thump!

The door shook again, this time unsettling quite a few dust clouds.

Thump!

The third time, the dust tripled in quantity, and I can see the bulge that resulted from Tohsaka’s kicks.

Crrrooooaak-

The hinges finally gave way, but the door’s slow decent was interrupted when Rin kicked it again and made it fly across the room. She barged in, back bent over like some sort of hulk, looking around frantically until she landed her sight on me- and punched my gut.

Oh, I forgot that alongside being a talented magus, she was also great at martial arts.

Even before I could recover, she already grab hold of collar, her other hand quickly charging up the Gandr blast that would pretty much spell the end of me.

Not literally, but it’ll feel like it. So I shouted the shortest explanation I could possibly think of under that kind of pressure.

“Zelretch-san! Parallel worlds! Alternate self! Backup! Kaleidoscope!”

The Gandr’s growing bigger! Need to reinforce my body!

“Tohsaka! Stop it!”

As if it was on cue, the Gandr dissipated from her finger tips.

“..You really are him.” She spoke softly- as if surprised by the revelation.

She loosened her hold on my collar, eventually releasing it.

“Thank.. you.” I sloppily slid down against the wall, cancelling my body’s Reinforcement. Man, I’m gonna need to catch my breath for a bit.

“But seriously- what the heck is that old man thinking, sending backup like this! I could perfectly handle this on my own! I don’t even need that stupid Edefelt’s hel….

Just as Rin was busy with her tantrum, her words started to become ever so distant- the world swirling around alongside it-

..Huh.. I guess I’m a lot more tired than I thought I was…

^{“Emiya-kun?”}

I think a nap should be good.

^{“Snap out of it!”}

Yeah…. It would be…nic…

And before I knew it, my vision was blanketed by darkness.

Next Chapter

[Ergast]

Interesting update. Well, at least it wasn't "Zelretch was bored and decided to spice things" but "Zelretch was slightly worried that his pupils wasn't up to the task, so he decided to kidnap a guy who actually survived a HGW and is at his prime to help his pupils"

[Renko]

YAY! UPDATE! A few chapters more and it's rec time!

“I had forgotten that this version of you hadn’t gone to London. My name is Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. Pleased to meet you. “

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“…Don’t worry; everyone came back alive at the end.” It's still a mystery to me how, exactly.

Is this version of Shirou from F/HA?

[Mattias]

I think I would have preferred it if Zelretch didn't come out and state the entire plot in the second chapter. It just seems too easy.

[warellis]

Interesting update. Well, at least it wasn't "Zelretch was bored and decided to spice things" but "Zelretch was slightly worried that his pupils wasn't up to the task, so he decided to kidnap a guy who actually survived a HGW and is at his prime to help his pupils"

You sure it isn't just another variation of the "Zelretch is a troll" plot device fanon crap?

So when will he meet Luvia, and when in Prisma does this take place?

[Ergast]

He at least gave a somewhat reasonable reason. Sure, it would be more reasonable for him to directly do something, but at least is not "Hey, this seems funny, I'm bored, high as fuck and sharing a few drinks with Aoko and her bewbs, so let's do something trollish"

[Phearo]

YAY! UPDATE! A few chapters more and it's rec time!


Is this version of Shirou from F/HA?

Yup. Just take out the time loop. Wait, it'd be more accurate to say that this Shirou is from F/HA before F/HA took place.

You sure it isn't just another variation of the "Zelretch is a troll" plot device fanon crap?

So when will he meet Luvia, and when in Prisma does this take place?

I didn't really want to use a trolling Zelretch. He took the mission from the Church because it was his responsibility, so I at least wanted to make him a bit more professional.

Also, this takes place probably about before Illya's fight with Saber Alter. Luvia'll show up soon. I'll have to reread the manga again, but eh, I have time.

[YeOfLittleFaith]

Well this was an interesting update.

Things about to get fun.

[mAc Chaos]

Yup. Just take out the time loop. Wait, it'd be more accurate to say that this Shirou is from F/HA before F/HA took place.



I didn't really want to use a trolling Zelretch. He took the mission from Church because it was his responsibility, so I at least wanted to make him a bit more professional.

Also, this takes place probably about before Illya's fight with Saber Alter. Luvia'll show up soon. I'll have to reread the manga again, but eh, I have time.

So he's from HF?

[Knick]

So he's from HF?

No the time in the Prismaverse is before the Saber Card fight.

Shirou is the Shirou before F/HA happened apparently.

[Tiresias]

I think I would have preferred it if Zelretch didn't come out and state the entire plot in the second chapter. It just seems too easy.

Ditto.

[mAc Chaos]

Then it would have just looked like "lol random Zelretch" fic again.

[Tiresias]

Then it would have just looked like "lol random Zelretch" fic again.

Honestly, it's better to not mention Zelretch at all.

[Flere821]

The Zelretch reveal could have came a bit later I think, right now I'm wary of reading further because of the bad rep that 'Zelretch did it' stories have. Maybe it could be changed that instead of a phone call from Zelretch it's a surprise visit by Kiritsugu and Irisviel? They seem to know a lot about the Prisma-verse HGWs (and as a bonus I wouldn't mind reading about how Shirou's brain shuts down from seeing his dead father alive). Leave who exactly was behind this vague, like it could be a Grail wish gone wrong from a different GW (alternate dimension one or something like from Prisma 3) or something, at least until the end of the story/arc.

[Phearo]

Honestly, it's better to not mention Zelretch at all.

That's pretty much an impossibility, considering how much presence has in the manga (from the kaleidosticks, alternate universes, and having his pupils come in his place). But I'll make sure he won't appear so frequently.

The Zelretch reveal could have came a bit later I think, right now I'm wary of reading further because of the bad rep that 'Zelretch did it' stories have. Maybe it could be changed that instead of a phone call from Zelretch it's a surprise visit by Kiritsugu and Irisviel? They seem to know a lot about the Prisma-verse HGWs (and as a bonus I wouldn't mind reading about how Shirou's brain shuts down from seeing his dead father alive). Leave who exactly was behind this vague, like it could be a Grail wish gone wrong from a different GW (alternate dimension one or something like from Prisma 3) or something, at least until the end of the story/arc.

From what I gather all the other HGWs went essential by the same rules as the original one, however Kiritsugu managed to do something in the 4th war to make sure that a. 5th war won't commence (which is more likely of the two) or b. Their family, especially Illya, won't be involved with it anymore. I think it's easy to believe that it's something much closer to a continuation to a hypothetical Good End for Kiritsugu's story. So in all honesty I think they would know just the same things as Shirou, and the other things they do know most likely won't be able to be applied to the current situation.

[mAc Chaos]

He meant it would have been more suspenseful reading for us not to know.