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Thread: Fate/Crossover

  1. #1
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Fate/Crossover

    What happens when the fate worlds cross over?


    Fate/Crossover
    Chapter 1
    "Hello. My name is Arturia Fate Pendragon. Nice to meet you." The short blonde greeted with a faint yet dazzling smile as she remembered what her father said this morning.

    FLASH BACK START….


    "Turia remember to smile! To become a great leader, you need to have a magnificent smile!" Arturia's father, Alexander Pendragon taught, as his radiant daughter silently ate her Western breakfast. She stopped for a moment, her empowering emerald eyes focused on her hyper-active dad.

    "Yes father." Arturia proclaimed, practicing her newly developed smile. Alexander swiftly raised his thumb mere centimetres from her face and commented,
    "Good girl Turia!"
    FLASH BACK END.
    The 'oohs' and surprising comments snapped a daydreaming Arturia back to the noisy Japanese classroom. Shirou, a red-headed boy at the back of the classroom stared straight at Arturia, his amber eyes carefully taking in her perfect features. Their eyes made contact and Shirou quickly looked away so as to not draw any attention to himself. Rin Tohsaka watched this little display, a cunning smile playing on her shining pink lips.



    -XXXMirakuraXXX-



    Rin Tohsaka was quietly strolling through the crowded corridors of the school as she reminisced and discussed, in her head, what had happened that morning.' This is very strange. Why would a Pendragon be in Fuyuki? Maybe…' She was distracted from her line of thought when he eye caught a familiar figure
    "Oh. Hello Tohsaka-san" the figure began, her face showing little emotion.
    "Hello Pendragon-san" Rin replied, pulling her hair behind her ear.
    "Arturia is fine… being called by my last name feels different." Arturia stated, her long fringe hiding her expressionless face. Rin pondered a bit on what to say before clasping her hands with a small smile on her face.
    "Very well. In that case, you may call me by my first name as well, Arturia-san"
    "Thank you for acknowledging that, Rin. "Artuia thanked, "I apologize but I need to be somewhere at the moment, I shall talk to you later, Rin." Arturia gave a quick bow before leaving with her usual stoic expression spreading over her face. Rin nodded in return then continued on her graceful stride through the corridors.' Hmm. What impeccable manners! As expected from a Pendragon. However, I hope things do not get of hand; I must be even more careful from now on.'




    -XXXMirakuraXXX-




    Later that evening…




    "I'm home!" Shirou announced, carefully taking off his shoes and placing them on the floor. He heard light footsteps and knew exactly who it was.

    "Welcome back onii-chan!" the small silver-haired girl cried. Flinging her arms around Shirou's neck and using her legs to hug his muscly form. Shirou gave a painful chuckle before replying,
    "I'm back, Ilya." Ilya retracted her powerful hug landing on her white sock-covered feet.
    "Onii-chan, what are we having for dinner today?" Ilya questioned leading herself back into the living room. Shirou crossed his arms thoughtfully, tapping his index finger on his left arm.
    "Hmm, I don't know, I was thinking of making a Western breakfast today but first I needed Sakura's opinion." Shirou remembered, now in the living room.
    "Ok onii-chan! But I'm fine with anything you cook because it's you who made it!" Ilya blurted out playfully. Though her playful words were taken much more seriously than they ought to – Shirou was beet red!
    "You don't have to flatter me Ilya." He retorted modestly, scratching his right cheek with his forefinger whilst looking up trying to avoid the cute loli's stare."Umm. I'll just go change and get ready to make dinner." Shirou managed to muster, Ilya slowly realised what had happened and let out a cute giggle.




    -XXXMirakuraXXX-




    Under the ancient church, a said 'house of God', was an abomination. About a dozen children in the church's basement suffering an undeserved punishment that even trumps hell itself! In the midst of the horrifying place stood two figures. One with long, golden blonde hair, the heavenly colour dirtied by the shadows of the underground. The other had short, dusty brown lock combed in a sophisticated fashion with a bit sticking at the back.

    "My feeding is complete, Kirei." The blonde servant spoke," It may keep me in this world but I will never deny your methods are truly disgusting." She spat. The crimson eyed servant retreated back to the over ground of the church, trying to get away from the despicable sight.




    -XXXMirakuraXXX-




    The serene sound of the melancholic piano slowly echoed throughout the western room. It was a beautiful melody as smooth as running honey. The maestro of the fine sound was playing aside bay windows. The refreshing moonlight making its way through the transparent glass. Shadow shifted through the moonlit room towards the grand piano, applauding the maestro.

    "Very nicely done Fate. A smooth and soft melody." It complimented. The soothing sound silenced.
    "Thank you, Mother." Arturia said, arising from her seat then pointing a finger toward the piano " " she ordered. The angelic sound continued, very fitting for a night such as that. She made her way towards the large wooden doors on the other side of the huge room.
    "Mother, I'm going to walk Sovereignty. I shall be back by dinner is that ok?" Arturia had asked.
    "Of course," her mother, Magdalene Pendragon replied cheerfully before changing her happy face to a very worried one, "But be careful, the war is close to its beginnings some masters may have already summoned servants."
    Arturia gave a small nod before walking through the door. In the corridors hung huge paintings and a few statues of knights holding up their long swords and pointing the tips to the heavens. She waltzed though the magnificent royal red painted corridors until she came up to three doors at the end of the hallway. One was in front of her, and one at either side of her.
    She entered the room to her left – her room – and inside was amazing! The walls were painted a scene of faeries dancing on the grassy fields of Avalon.

    On the walls were pictures of animals; small and large: lions, tigers, rabbits, even penguins! It was very interesting collage of the animal kingdom. At the edges of the ceilings and the walls were golden trimmings complimenting the blue paint very well.

    Arturia loved her room. It was her very own sanctuary; a place she could model and remodel any time she wished. In the middle of the room stood a king size bed with three pillows stacked in a triangular order against the wooden side of the bed. At the corners of the bed were four posts with royal blue, silk curtains hanging for them. As well as a bed, in her room she had a desk for work and a bookshelf by the side of her room. On her carpe, by the side of her bed lay an animal in a doggy bed. The animal (a dog to be specific), Sovereignty, was a magical familiar of their family. She was summoned by the joint power of Magdalene and Alexander Pendragon to protect Aruria.
    "Hello there Rei." Arturia whispered into Sovereignty's ear whilst crouching on the carpet. "It's time for your walk so wake up." Arturia poked the small dog on its cheek beckoning it to awaken. The pure-white ball of fur twitched a little before uncovering its gentian-blue eyes. "Good girl." Arturia continued. She stuck her hand to the side of Sovereignty's bed where she lay and brought out a lead. Wrapping the lead around Sovereignty's neck, Arturia picked up the small familiar and laid her on the floor. "Come on now" she implied.
    Sovereignty stood up cutely, rubbing its paw over its sleep-filled eyes. 'Ria, where are we going today?' Sovereignty asked Arturia through telekenisis; master and familiar have a special bond allowing them to talk through their minds s their souls are one. 'Through the bridge then to the park.' Arturia smiled 'Ok Ria.' Sovereignty responded, walking out of the huge mansion.




    -XXXMirakuraXXX-




    "Shirou, more!" Taiga ordered, stretching out her right hand with her plate held steadily above it.

    "Ok, Ok, I'm coming." Shirou whined, taking Taiga's dish from her hand. He slowly served the meat loaf and added the toppings atop it. He then passed it back to Taiga. "There you go." He presented.
    After dinner, Shirou and Sakura washed the dishes then Shirou saw Taiga and Sakura out. Upon returning into the house, Shirou made his way to the dusty, old shed and changed to his work clothed before he started fixing the things he had promised. The first was an electric fan. Luckily, its structure was quite basic and the problem was quite basic so the problem was easy to work out.
    'Trace On.' He thought, reinforcing the wires and returning them to their appropriate form.
    "This should be good enough." He sighed, slowly wiping the sweat off his dust-covered forehead. He felt a presence behind him and swiftly spun around, only to find Ilya leaning against a wooden podium of the shed. She was wearing her usual outfit of a white shirt and a knee length, purple skirt.
    "Onii-chan. What are you doing?" she enquired, trying to take peak at the reinforced object. Shirou stood up from his position before replying,
    "Oh, Taiga and Issei gave me a bunch of stuff they needed fixing so I'm doing that now." Shirou let out a miniscule smile before walking up to Ilya, taking off his gloves, and ruffling her hair. Ilya looked up to him and spoke,
    "Onii-chan, if you keep helping people like this, you'll break down and i don't want that to happen!" she pouted, her piercing crimson eyes staring at him in anger and worry. Shirou gave Ilya a small grin before reassuring her that he was ok.
    "Don't worry Ilya, I'll always be here for you." He smiled again. Ilya acknowledged this and gave a quick nod and a huge smile before skipping towards the door.
    "Ok the. Good night Onii-chan..." Ilya bid him, quietly walking through the shed door, asking her way to her room.
    "Good night Ilya." Shirou whispered before continuing his work. He gradually drifted into a daze, remembering how he had gotten to know the girl of the name Ilyasviel Emiya.
    Flash back start...
    Kiritsugu Emiya had battled against an empowering snow storm. He won. Normally Kiritsugu wouldn't have enough strength to destroy the boundary, but here, he had managed to pass through an rescue Ilya. Jubstacheit von Einzbern had tried to stp him but Kiritsugu had used time alter and had managed to get Ilya out of the freezing country the Einzberns called home. The adventure and using time alter took a tow on Kiritsugu's body.
    One day, Kiritsugu came back with a young albino holding his hand. Shirou had been surprised but also exceedingly ecstatic at having a sister. Ilya had settled in quite nicely. Taiga had accepted her and so had Shirou. But then the dilemma came. Kiritsugu suffered from the curse of the Grail and the results of using time alter in his state was him perishing a whole year earlier than usual. Both Ilya and Shirou were devastated at the lost of their fathers but had soon recovered as they had each other and nothing would change that.



    Flash back end.


    Shirou's small flash back ended when he realised a problem. He needed an extra art to fix the stove! At the revelation of this, Shirou sighed annoyed and went to change after washing his dirty hands and sweat-covered face. Shirou had worn his usual outfit of a blue and white long sleeve an blue jeans. He found his wallet and made his way out.




    -XXXMirakuraXXX-




    Whilst all this happened, Arturia and Sovereignty were playing in the park. Well not technically playing. More like combat practice. Arturia had set up an illusion boundary therefore any normal person who saw them would only see a dog playing with its owner. However, inside the illusion field wasn't a dog playing with its owner but a powerful magus training with her almost as powerful familiar.

    "Goon Rei. Your shielding is becoming much better." Arturia congratulated, slowly walking up to Sovereignty and petting her fur-covered head. 'Thank you Ria.' She replied cheerfully.
    "Now for dodging and agility practice. Transform to combat mode Rei." And as if on cue, Sovereignty leapt into the night sky and did a front flip in the air. A flash of white light coming from her. What landed though wasn't a pet anymore. It was a girl with long hair, up to her back, tied back with a black scrunchy. She had calm, energetic gentian-blue eyes. She also had tanned skin and was up to Arturia's shoulder in height.

    Her body was covered in a bright light before it subsided and left a girl wearing a black, body-tight belly top and body-tight shorts down to halfway through her thighs. On her arms were purple arm bands and on her waist was a yellow belt with a bunny face as the clip. A short purple skirt flowed from the belt with a triangular cut through the middle. On her legs were black thigh-high stockings and on her hand black gloves without the sleeves.

    "Combat mode generation complete!" Sovereignty exclaimed, jumping back to an open space. Arturia took one step backwards then began,
    " fire " she chanted. Balls of flames appeared by both her sides, red, orange and blue. The spheres of fire were sent flying toward the white-haired familiar. Sovereignty swiftly jumped up and moved side to side avoiding and dodging the fiery fire balls.
    Whilst this was happening, a certain red-headed individual as walking towards the parts and hardware store which just happened to be on the other side of the park. Shirou had reached the green park where he saw something unbelievable...

    A/N


    Second chapter updated! Also as you can see Sovereignty( my OC)'s clothes are made from a mix of Fate Testarossa's sonic mode and Counter Guardian ILYA's from Prilya. Also the chapters are gonna start getting much more interesting after all it is a crossover of ALL the Fate series. Did you see what I did with her name...*cunning smile*

    Mirakura out!
    Last edited by mirakura; July 16th, 2014 at 04:14 PM.

  2. #2
    Are you old enough to have read Fate?

  3. #3
    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    Why did you use your name as the scene break thing?
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


    Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
    Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
    The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
    Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.

  4. #4
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six gwonbush's Avatar
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    And the winner of the "Least Inspired Title" award goes to...!

    In seriousness, I spent 2 seconds skimming it, saw "Turia", then knew that there would be no way that this story would be worth my time to read.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nasu
    So as to stimulate the reader's imagination, I try not to write too clearly about mechanics and characters' inner workings.
    I am of the personal belief that the Tsukihime Remake is two years from release. It will remain as such until a release date is announced, at which time its actual release date is 6 months after that date.

  5. #5
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petrikow View Post
    Are you old enough to have read Fate?
    Yes though I didn't read the h scenes...

    I used my name because I could.
    Last edited by mirakura; July 16th, 2014 at 04:47 PM.

  6. #6
    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    ........

    So. Uh. Would you like a critique or something?

    Because there are a few issues.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


    Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
    Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
    The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
    Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.

  7. #7
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Yes please.

  8. #8
    I'd recommend picking up a few actual books if you want to have a good writing style.

    Basing how you write on other fanfiction won't make things pretty.

    There's a lot that can be improved upon here and the best way to do so is to build a groundwork based on things that actually has some merit.

  9. #9
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petrikow View Post
    I'd recommend picking up a few actual books if you want to have a good writing style.
    I would do that but most books I find are in first person which I can't do...
    Last edited by mirakura; July 16th, 2014 at 05:00 PM.

  10. #10
    I personally find first person to be the most fun.

    It's just about practice, putting in the effort and thinking hard about what you're doing.

    Limitations are a way of tempering creativity. With all options open, the sharpest imagination can not shine.

  11. #11
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petrikow View Post
    I personally find first person to be the most fun.

    It's just about practice, putting in the effort and thinking hard about what you're doing.

    Limitations are a way of tempering creativity. With all options open, the sharpest imagination can not shine.

    Deep words, and I do love first person but I can't write it and, to me, it limits my imagination.

  12. #12
    ジュカイン Lycodrake's Avatar
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    If Arturia is Arturia as in Saber, why are her parents "Alexander", not Uther, and "Magdelene", not Igraine? Why is her middle name "Fate"?
    Is this supposed to be some sort of Nanoha crossover?
    Quote Originally Posted by Seika View Post
    Yes, excellent. Go, Lyco, my proxy.
    F/GO SUPPORT

  13. #13
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
    If Arturia is Arturia as in Saber, why are her parents "Alexander", not Uther, and "Magdelene", not Igraine? Why is her middle name "Fate"?
    Is this supposed to be some sort of Nanoha crossover?
    Oh, there's a reason for that and the Fate thing is because her route is called Fate and that it is fated she looks like her ancestor!

  14. #14
    紅魔|吸血鬼 Frostyvale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mirakura View Post
    Oh, there's a reason for that and the Fate thing is because her route is called Fate and that it is fated she looks like her ancestor!
    Or you could forget the middle name because Japan doesn't have middle names.

  15. #15
    ジュカイン Lycodrake's Avatar
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    So she's not really meant to be a "modern day Saber", but a descendant that looks exactly like her - a clone? Sounds like Vivio.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seika View Post
    Yes, excellent. Go, Lyco, my proxy.
    F/GO SUPPORT

  16. #16
    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    Welp. Here goes, in no particular order.

    Let's start with formatting, get that out of the way. Put an extra space between your paragraphs, because right now it's a wall of text that makes it hard to read. Also, no need to write FLASHBACK every time there's a flash back. Just imply it in the text.

    I see you like to elaborately describe your characters' clothing. Well, don't. Fics are something to be read, not watched. Visual details like those don't really matter, and only serve to clog up the text and bore the reader.

    On similar note, try not to describe details unless they're important. It doesn't have to be plot importance. It can be just to establish the mood.

    Basically, this boils down to a whole "show, don't tell" sort of thing. You don't have to describe every detail to the reader, because they can just fill in the blanks themselves.

    You're jumping around a lot, and most of the scenes don't seem to have a point or anything. Really, there doesn't seem to be much of a plot or point to this, just random stuff happening. Hell, from the summary all I got from this is "This is a crossover." Okay, but that's a really barebones premise. What's the point? What do you want to do? This doesn't have to be anything deep or complex or anything. What's this story supposed to be about? Why should the reader be interested?

    Like, for example, if I wrote a fic about Iskander getting summoned into the 5th War or something. The point of the story would be "What would happen if he was summoned? How would that change things?" See? That's it.

    I'd write even more, but that'd take forever. TL;DR: Show, don't tell. Also, what's the point of the story?
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


    Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
    Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
    The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
    Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.

  17. #17
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frostyvale View Post
    Or you could forget the middle name because Japan doesn't have middle names.
    Saber isn't Japanese but if she was Arthur, her middle name would be Celas right? I mentioned MGLN but I didn't really make any thing apart from the clothes about it. Though, a cross between Fate and Saber would look pretty darn awesome. Let me state this now, this fic has a bunch of paralell worlds crossed over and the world the characters are currently in is a world where King Arthur was Saber Lily, the only way this would work.

  18. #18
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Magus's Avatar
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    Okay, seeing "Arturia Fate Pendragon", specifically "Fate" as a middle name gave me a negative impression right off the bat. That's not a realistic middle name (and I would question if including one was necessary at all) and is rarely indicative of a well-written story.

    And like someone else, I question the names of her parents here.

    Also, the ability to communicate mind-to-mind is not called telekinesis; it's called telepathy. Telekinesis is the ability to move objects with one's mind.

    And of course, heed the other criticisms that have been posted here.

    I've written some pretty bad / poorly conceived fanfics before (though none that I would dare to post here) and I think most of us who write fan fiction start out pretty bad. Just keep practicing / read lots of good stories and see what you can learn from your mistakes / their examples.
    Not Magus! Magic Emperor Magus!

  19. #19
    Ero book lover mirakura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby View Post
    Welp. Here goes, in no particular order.

    Let's start with formatting, get that out of the way. Put an extra space between your paragraphs, because right now it's a wall of text that makes it hard to read. Also, no need to write FLASHBACK every time there's a flash back. Just imply it in the text.

    I see you like to elaborately describe your characters' clothing. Well, don't. Fics are something to be read, not watched. Visual details like those don't really matter, and only serve to clog up the text and bore the reader.

    On similar note, try not to describe details unless they're important. It doesn't have to be plot importance. It can be just to establish the mood.

    Basically, this boils down to a whole "show, don't tell" sort of thing. You don't have to describe every detail to the reader, because they can just fill in the blanks themselves.

    You're jumping around a lot, and most of the scenes don't seem to have a point or anything. Really, there doesn't seem to be much of a plot or point to this, just random stuff happening. Hell, from the summary all I got from this is "This is a crossover." Okay, but that's a really barebones premise. What's the point? What do you want to do? This doesn't have to be anything deep or complex or anything. What's this story supposed to be about? Why should the reader be interested?

    Like, for example, if I wrote a fic about Iskander getting summoned into the 5th War or something. The point of the story would be "What would happen if he was summoned? How would that change things?" See? That's it.

    I'd write even more, but that'd take forever. TL;DR: Show, don't tell. Also, what's the point of the story?

    You should know, I hate describing clothes, it's so hard. *takes notes* humu, humu, I see... less detail, more interesting. Following your words in total, I shouldn't try so hard really.

  20. #20
    ジュカイン Lycodrake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mirakura View Post
    Saber isn't Japanese but if she was Arthur, her middle name would be Celas right?
    Celas isn't a name. Ceres is and you may be thinking of Seras Victoria, but I don't know where you are getting "Celas". Let alone "her middle name would be X".
    I mentioned MGLN but I didn't really make any thing apart from the clothes about it. Though, a cross between Fate and Saber would look pretty darn awesome.
    Perhaps.
    Let me state this now, this fic has a bunch of paralell worlds crossed over and the world the characters are currently in is a world where King Arthur was Saber Lily, the only way this would work.
    Saber Lilly = alternate costume or, according to Urobutchi, a Saber under Caster's thrall.
    Only fanon makes "Saber Lilly" an alternate, same with Alter.
    Last edited by Lycodrake; July 16th, 2014 at 05:57 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seika View Post
    Yes, excellent. Go, Lyco, my proxy.
    F/GO SUPPORT

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