Young Velvet or badass awesome Velvet?
Young Velvet or badass awesome Velvet?
Spoiler:
Either one, though I'm leaning towards the former since that was the one who he experienced hardship and combat with or we could pull a Avalon bit and bring badass Velvet who joins as a full fledge warrior in order to serve his king once more.
You know, with Louise being connected to the void and all, I think it actually makes more sense that she summoned the deceased copy of Alexander from the fourth grail war than that she summoned the original from the throne of heroes or a new copy.
A good, fun story.
A few complaints:
* You stumble with grammar every now and then.
* Sentence flow can get a bit choppy at times.
I advise you to get a beta-reader.
And Theo steps up for Beta.
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>_>
Don't volunteer me!
Well, someone has to. >_>
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orzOriginally Posted by Theocrass
I'll aim to do better. How exactly is my grammar wrong? I'll make sure to correct those mistakes. As for sentence flow, do you feel that it improves towards the end of the chapter or is it choppy throughout?
Agreed.
It varies, really.
You've just got a few errors where you're missing an apostrophe, usually ones that indicate possession.
It may be good to find a Grammar Nazi, not a extreme one, but a mild one.
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I'd be willing to give it a read-over and check for grammar, if you want. I'm not the best writer, but if you're ok with me...
your so modest....
I can Beta, I just don't know if I want to.
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Eeeeee! The english rules to indicate possession are so... blah! I'll try not to forget the apostrophe. I always had the problem of confusing possessives and plurals.
Nonsense, you are great! I'd be greatly appreciative if you could do so, but I do not want to impose, seeing as you've already been kind enough to go over my notes.
No imposition at all. The way I see it, a bit of work in exchange for an early look at the story is quite a fair trade
Yeah, if you need an extra beta, I can also do it.
Ditto here! Finals are almost finished so I'll have about all the time in the world.
Last edited by DreamsRequiem; May 16th, 2011 at 07:25 PM.
I've got nothing much to do lately.
I guess I CAN Beta.
But, it's not like I wanna Beta because I like you, or anything!
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No imposition at all. The way I see it, a bit of work in exchange for an early look at the story is quite a fair tradeThank you! I couldn't find a cute bowing froggie, so here's a piggy instead.
Last edited by Froggie; May 16th, 2011 at 07:27 PM.
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