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Thread: Fate/Stay Night: Across time

  1. #21
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    In the Shinto district, a young girl clad in red, walks toward the Hyatt Hotel with her long black hair waving in the wind.
    There is no need for the second comma.

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    Her name is Tohsaka Rin and she is no ordinary girl. She is a Magus and the successor to the Tohsaka's magecraft.
    This feels kind of awkward to me. The way you presented it was really lackluster.

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    “It's all the way up there, he.” She sighed.
    The he seems really out of place, what is it doing there? What is it supposed to mean?

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    Normally her duties would only consist of keeping an eye on any other Magus who was permitted to run a workshop in Fuyuki.
    The word other is unnecessary.

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    And if they broke the rules, she would bestow punishment on them.
    The word bestow has generally positive connotations, it's out of place here.

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    Luckily, there are no other Magi in the city, except for the Matou family. They immigrated to Japan centuries ago, but they could not adapt to the land and thus their lineage as Magi ended with the previous generation. So she only had to worry about Magi who were planning to take up residence in the city.
    This phrase is bad. It reads poorly and could be easily reworded in a more clean manner. For example,

    Luckily there are no other Magi in the city other than the Matou family. They immigrated to Japan centuries ago but were unable to adapt to the land and their lineage has died out. As a result, she only had to worry about magi who were planning on taking residence in the city.
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    That is how it should be normally.
    Going from the paragraph, this would be better as "Or rather, that's how it should be.

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    That is how it should be normally. However 10 years ago something changed. Ten years ago a ritual, called the Holy Grail War, took place in Fuyuki city. During this ritual 7 masters would summon 7 servants to engage each other in a battle for supremacy. The last team standing would obtain the Grail and have their wish granted.
    I don't really remember, but didn't you mention this in the prologue? You don't need to say it twice.

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    However for some unknown reason, the winner off the War decided to destroy the Grail. This led to a disaster in which hundreds of people lost their lives. The city has largely recovered from the disaster, even though some scars still remain.
    I definitely remember reading this before.

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    However the destruction of the Grail not only caused the disaster, but also created portals which connected present day Fuyuki city to 6th century England. The Church and the Association conduct an in-dept investigation of these portals and have kept them hidden from public ever since they appeared.

    depth. add have to link the two thoughts better.

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    There are no more then 4 portals at any given time. The biggest one, known simply as the main portal, is located underneath Mount Enzou inside Ten no Sakazuki. This one always appears at the same location. They theorize that it has connected itself to the leyline, and is therefore the largest and most stable.

    Spell out numbers.

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    The main portal is well hidden underneath the mountain and the other side has been blocked of by a boundary field.
    It's both well hidden under the mountain and visible from outside, assuming no boundary field. This doesn't make sense.

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    They appear and disappear at random throughout Fuyuki city and its immediate area.
    Disappear is unneeded. You could replace area with vicinity.

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    The Association have been covering them up until Rin was old enough to do it herself.

    This is poor writing and has a typo anyway. It would be better as "The Association dealt with covering them up..."

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    They gave her a small, red notebook which contains everything they knew about them.
    It feels a bit awkward to me, but is otherwise fine.

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    Somethings they discovered about the 3 smaller portals:



    • They are basically side-entrances of the main portal.
    • They can appear anywhere.
    • They remain active for 2 minutes to 8 days.
    • They appear in intervals from 7 days to 2-3 months.
    This on the other hand, is very bad. It doesn't flow at all with the surrounding narrative, and feels like something that should be a footnote, not something in the middle of the story. I get that you want to give us this information, but I honestly don't think you could have delivered it in a more awkward manner.

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    “Just four more months.” She sighed. “When the Holy Grail War begins we will see the end of these damned portals.”
    Rin is complaining to herself, she should be more casual. Contract "we will" to "we'll."

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    It was decided ten years ago that the next war would be used to close these portals, to ensure that history would not be altered.
    How will the war manage to do this.

    They have been lucky these past ten years,
    as the portals remained undiscovered on both sides. But that luck would run out at some point. So it was crucial that they were closed as soon as possible.
    The idea contained in this sentance is painfully obvious; it's completely unneeded and detracts from the read.

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    The next morning. It was 6 am in the morning when Emiya Shirou woke up inside the shed.

    Say six in the morning.

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    “Hmmm. Sakura apparently isn't here yet. I'll start making breakfast before she arrives.” He scratched his auburn colored hair.
    Drop apparently. Or even better, say "Hmmm, it doesn't look like Sakura is here yet."

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    Shirou stood up and made his way to the living room. Sakura was indeed not here yet.

    Drop this sentence.

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    So after changing in the light-brown school uniform, Shirou started making breakfast.
    Use the words "into his" instead.

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    He went to the fridge and took enough ingredients for three people. Besides Sakura and Shirou there would be one more person eating breakfast here, as always.

    Use him and Sakura if you need this sentence, otherwise axe it. Taiga eating there should be assumed knowledge, and for the random person who just happens to read it completely blind, the fact you already mentioned three people is enough.

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    With the ingredients he had on hand, he decided to make a simple traditional Japanese breakfast. It will consist of miso soup, dried horse mackerel, some tamagoyaki, nato and hourensou no goma-ae.

    First, I don't need a complete rundown of everything he is making. Second, keep your tenses consistent.

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    The doorbell rings and he heard somebody entering.

    I cannot stress this enough, consistent tenses. It is extremely bad form to change tenses like this midsentence. Also, you could have worded this better.

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    “I'm coming in.” It was Sakura. Sakura Matou is Shirou's Kohai and the sister of his friend Matou Shinji. She lives with her brother in the foreigners' houses district of Miyama Town. She sported long, purple hair which reached to her shoulders and had matching purple eyes. She was a year younger then Shirou and rather well developed.

    Oh shit. Ok, never, ever, use gratutious Japanese like this. There is no reason to use the word kohai at all. Just call her his underclassman. Also, do you really need to describe how Sakura looks?

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    “Good morning, Senpai. Oh, you're already making breakfast.” Sakura noticed as she enters the living room with a bag of groceries. “Wait a moment. I'll help you.”

    However, using Senpai in the context of Sakura calling him Shirou is passable, because it's a nickname for her, essentially. Or at least, that's how it works.

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    Her name was Fujimura Taiga. Shirou's guardian and English teacher at Homurahara school.
    Replace the first period with a comma, the second sentence doesn't have an object.

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    She took up the role of Shirou's guardian when Emiya Kiritsugu, Shirou's father, passed away 5 years ago.
    You've already said it once, you don't need to say it in so many words again. Say something like "this role" instead.

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    She can be described as cheerful, yet childish. She is affectionately called Fuji-nee by Shirou.
    Merge these sentences. They don't need to be seperate and it flows better when you do so.

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    Fujimura was 24 years old, with light brown hair and eyes. She is noted for wearing black and yellow striped clothing (her favorite colors), today she favored a striped blouse and blue jeans.


    Her grandfather, Fujimura Raiga, is the head of the Fujimura group, a Yakuza family.
    He was a friend of Shirou's father and he takes care of all the important stuff for the Emiya household until Shirou is old enough. While he is a Yakuza boss, he really can't be called a bad person.

    I'm beginning to notice a pattern. You tend to go far too in depth when you're describing a character and tread into infodump territory. You want to avoid this if you want people to actually read your fic.

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    “Say, Shirou, have you been sleeping in the shed again?” Fujimura asked after breakfast is finished. “It really is your favorite place, isn't it”


    “Yeah, it is.” Shirou replied. Shirou loves fixing things and the shed is were he collects all the old and broken stuff to fix. “Old things are easy to understand and fix, but if I fix them inside the house it would cause a mess.”


    “Uhm, senpai. Isn't it cold sleeping in the shed this time of the year?” Sakura asked worried.


    “Not really, it's a bit chilly, but still bearable. Don't you worry about it.” Shirou gave a reassuring smile.


    “That's right. I don't recall Shirou ever getting sick. He simply doesn't get sick like normal people do.” says Fujimura jokingly.


    “So, I'm something other then human, Fuji-Nee?” Shirou asks grumbling.


    “Something like that.” Fujimura replied laughing. “Ohh. It's almost seven o'clock. Come on, Sakura-chan, or we'll be late for morning practice.”


    “Alright, Fujimura-sensei.” Sakura answered cheerfully. “See you later, Senpai.”


    “Okay, see you at school.”

    As I've noted before, the dialogue falls flat on its face. Additionally, if I'm remembering correctly, Taiga was the one who reprimanded Shirou for sleeping in the shed like that.

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    Alright, I'm taking a break.
    Last edited by SINIB; January 22nd, 2015 at 11:42 PM.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  2. #22
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Reworked chapter 1. Please voice your opinion.

  3. #23
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    What fic do you want me to beta?

    - - - Updated - - -

    If it's the Arturia in Sakura's place one, I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  4. #24
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Reposted the prologue. Just some minor changes/corrections.
    By the way how do you add a rating to a thread/allow viewers to rate a story?


    To SINIB: I have not yet found a way to make the prologue interesting.

  5. #25
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    Mira: http://imgur.com/l0vR4mb

    FSN: The premise itself is rather flawed, I don't think anyone on BL can make what you're trying work well, to be perfectly honest.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  6. #26
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Quote Originally Posted by mirakura View Post
    Interesting story =3
    Thank you. I wanted to look at your fic, but the link didn't work for me.

  7. #27
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    Same error.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  8. #28
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Fate/Stay Night: Across Time chapters 5 and 6

    31/03/2015: corrected chapters

    Chapter 5
    Fate/stay Night: War across time



    Chapter 5: About skills and cooking



    It was at the crack of dawn when Shirou awoke. He yawned and looked out the window. It was a warm, spring morning. Shirou got out of bed and started dressing himself when somebody knocked. “Who's there?”


    “Sir Bedivere. May I enter?”


    “You may come in.” Bedivere entered Shirou's room.


    “I see you are already up and about.” Bedivere looked at Shirou. “Are you wearing your own clothes? Cause a servant has prepared some clothes for you to wear.” Behind Bedivere stood a female servant carrying a gray tunic and trousers, along with a pair of tall, leather boots. Shirou remembered that the king had said something about clothes last evening.


    “Ahh, that's right.” Shirou walked to the servants and took the clothes from her. “Thank you.”


    “I will be waiting in the next room, along with breakfast. If you don't mind, I will be eating with you.” Bedivere spoke in a polite manner. “I haven't eaten had breakfast myself and I would like to use the opportunity to know you better.”


    “I don't mind. I'll be with you shortly.” Bedivere nodded and left with the servant. Shirou put on the trousers and boots, but instead of the gray tunic, he took the red one he got from the merchant, because he liked the color more. He washed his face in a bowl of water, standing on the cupboard beneath the window and went to join Bedivere for breakfast.


    “I see you chose the tunic you wore yesterday. Hmmm, it does suit you better then the gray one.” Bedivere smiled approvingly. “Come, breakfast is served.”


    Breakfast was comprised of bread, cheese, a few slices of bacon, some apples and water. At least it tasted better then the supper he had yesterday.


    “So, Shirou. What is your occupation, if I may ask?” Shirou eyed Bedivere for a moment. He emptied his mouth and answered. “Well, I'm a student and in my second year of high school.”


    Bedivere blinked in confusion. “School? I am sorry, but could you elaborate, because I am not sure what you meant by 'school'.”


    Shirou explained to Bedivere to concept of a school. He elaborated over the building, lessons, teachers and students, etc. Bedivere was fascinated by Shirou's explanation.
    “I see. So it is basically the same as the academies of the Romans. Do many of the people in your country attend to these schools?”


    “Yes, everybody goes to school. Going to school is mandatory until the age of 18.”
    Bedivere was listening attentively. “It is widely spread in my age, especially in the wealthier countries. That includes England, for your information.”


    “In this time and age, the only ones who can read and write are the nobility, knights, merchants, clergy and other persons of importance. Outside of those, most of the population is completely illiterate. They also have precious little time to bother with education.” Bedivere sounded a bit depressed after hearing Shirou talk about school. “Well most of them are farmers after all. They usually spend most of the year providing food to the kingdom. Which is a constant struggle, most of the time.” The two of them finished breakfast. Then Bedivere continued. “Emiya Shirou. Today I will be once again be your attendant. Is there anything you would like to do?”


    Shirou thought for a moment. “Well, I'm not sure actually, but how about you show me around the castle? It would be useful to know my way around.”


    “That is a good idea.” Bedivere agreed. “Well then, since we hast finished breakfast, we can begin the tour of the castle.”


    “Now?” Bedivere nodded. “Okay, then. Lead the way.”


    Bedivere guided Shirou through the majority of the castle. Some of the rooms Shirou already knew about. The Library, the throne room, etc. Bedivere showed him the many halls and rooms of the castle. Guards and servants quarters, the trophy room, the kitchen and the armory, amongst other things. They eventually arrived at an indoor training hall, which had large doors exiting to the courtyard. In one of the training areas he saw Gawain sparring with another knight. There were two other knights and a bunch of soldiers watching the duel.


    The knight, who was sparring with Gawain, had long, smooth brown hair and a neatly trimmed ring beard. His eyes were chestnut brown. The armor he wore was similar to Bedivere's, but he was wearing a bright blue tunic underneath his armor. One could see clearly the two white keys in mirror image which decorated his battle-skirt. Shirou estimated him to be in his late twenties.


    Of the two on watching knights, one was covered completely in magnificent black colored armor. The armor was a true work of craftsmanship, striking a perfect meld between magnificence and functionality. His hair was long, smooth and purple. And his face was handsome and undoubtedly admired and envied by many, sporting gray eyes. Judging from his appearance, he was probably in his early thirties. His sword was equally brilliant and matched his black armor. With a night-blue and silver colored handle and cross guard. And silver chains were spanning around the cross guard.
    The last knight had sand colored hair and goatee and steel blue colored eyes. His armor was again very similar to Bedivere's but it was decorated with a red cross on the breast plate.
    Shirou and Bedivere watched silently at the duel. Both Gawain and the other knight were extremely good. Shirou noticed Gawain's sword. A beautiful sword with a blade that shines like the sun and a night blue handle and cross guard, somewhat shaped like a drop.


    “What sword is Gawain using?” Shirou whispered to Bedivere.


    “That is Excalibur Galatine. It is the sister-sword of Excalibur. Just as Gawain receives his blessing from the sun, the sword draws its power from the sun.”


    Shirou couldn't keep his eyes from the sword. Shirou sometimes wondered why he was fascinated by swords so much. Shirou had difficulty following the duel. Both men moved like whirlwinds, but Shirou knew that these two weren't going at it seriously. This was nothing more than a leisurely sparring match. If that is the case, than Shirou could not begin to imagine how it would be should they be going at it for real. Gawain and the knight dueled for a while further. Both knights were about equally matched, exchanging blows and countering feints. Until Gawain executed a devastating riposte and disarmed the other knight. The spectators applauded. After that the soldiers dispersed and went back to their business.


    “Haha, you fought well, sir Kay, but you have still some ways to go.” Gawain declared and he sheathed his blade. Sir Kay extended his hand. Gawain returned the handshake with a broad smile. “We should do this more often.”


    “Agreed.” Then Gawain noticed Bedivere and Shirou.


    “Looks like there were others watching.” Gawain exclaimed upon seeing Shirou and Bedivere. Everybody turned their heads to look at them. “Sir Bedivere and Emiya Shirou. Come over here. I will introduce thee to the other knights.”


    Shirou and Bedivere walked over to the other knights. “Let me introduce you.” Gawain patted the knight he dueled on his shoulder. “This here is Sir Kay.”


    Kay smiled faintly and made a slight bow. “Gawain hast told us of how you saved his live. I never thought Sir Gawain would ever needed saving.” Kay laughed. Gawain rolled his eyes. “And these two souls, are Sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad.” He gestured at the black armored knight and the one with the red cross respectively.


    “It is my honor to meet you.” Galahad bowed and extended his hand. Lancelot did the same. “As is mine.” he said.


    “Pleased to meet you. Sir Galahad, sir Lancelot.” Shirou said as he shook their hands.


    “My fellow knights, let me introduce thee to Emiya Shirou from Japan.”


    “We have heard from Merlin and Gawain that you are from the future. Is this true?” Kay was looking at Shirou with intrigue, to which Shirou nodded.


    “Yes, pretty much.”


    “How intriguing. It is hard to believe, however at the very least I can tell that you are not lying.” Kay spoke softly. “Why don't you join us for a drink?”
    Kay motioned to a table in the corner. Several barrels with taps stood next to the table and on the wall was a shelf lined with mugs. Shirou followed Kay to the table and sat down on one of the stools. Galahad, Lancelot and Gawain sat themselves down on the opposite side and Bedivere took a stool next to Shirou. Kay poured in and handed out the ale.


    “So, mister Emiya. Tell us more about yourself.” Kay sat down next to Shirou and took a sip of ale. “Do you have many family and friends?” He asked inquisitively.


    “Well, I am 17 and ever since my dad died, I live alone. Afterwards Fujimura Taiga, my guardian, looked after me. Her grandfather takes care of the important aspects, like the taxes and such, until I'm old enough and can maintain it myself.”


    “Ohh, you says that your guardian's grandfather takes care of the important aspects until you are old enough?” Kay and the rest were surprised, although Shirou couldn't figure out why.


    “I believe you had mentioned it yesterday, have you not?” Bedivere remembered Shirou telling about it. “If you are wondering as to why we are surprised, I will tell you that in our country one is considered an adult when at least fourteen winters. So it is a bit surprising to us.”


    “I see. I guess that is normal for this day and age. But in my time the standard of living is substantially higher and life is more peaceful too. And with the improved medical care people can live longer, so the legal age for being considered an adult lies higher as well.”


    “That is understandable.” Kay stroked his beard. “Now that you have told us a bit more about yourself, it is our turn. I am the son of sir Ector and the king's foster-brother. I have known the king since childhood and I can say proudly that I am amongst his most trusted.” Kay said proudly, but there was Shirou noticed a hint of sadness in his voice. “My skills with the sword are worthy of a knight of the round table, but as you hast just witnessed, not the best. My true talents lie with finances, management and diplomacy.” There was no boasting in his words, only the humble truth.


    “Ay, That is very much true.” Bedivere grinned. “He often advises the king on financial and diplomatic matters. As for me … Well, I am the head of the royal guard. I have worked hard to reach this position and I am truly proud to stand at the king's side.” Bedivere said that with a proud, yet surprisingly humble tone.


    “Let none question that fact. My name is sir Lancelot, knight of the lake. I was the first knight to join the king and the knights of the round table.” Lancelot voice sounded masculine, yet gentle. “My interests are traditions and etiquettes.”


    “And as previously introduced, I am Galahad. I am skilled with both the spear and the sword. I love a good hunt more than anything.” Galahad said casually.


    “May we inquire about your hometown?” Kay asked. “I am kind of eager to learn as to what kind of place it is.”


    Shirou took a sip from his mug. “The city is called Fuyuki, which means snowy winter. Fuyuki city is split by the Mion river in to two towns. There is the older district, Miyama town, which is a suburban area with traditional buildings. It too can be divided in two parts, namely the traditional Japanese district, were my house is located and the foreigners houses district. This is were the descendants of foreign immigrants live.”


    Shirou paused for a moment to let the information sink in. “There is a cross section between these two districts which connects to the school, the shopping district, ehhh … that is a sort of merchants district. Than there is the temple and the bridge to Shinto town. Shinto town is the newer district. It has undergone intensive redevelopment after an inferno destroyed a large part of the town ten years ago.”


    “Interesting. Could you explain what a traditional Japanese house is like. And what are considered traditional domestic customs and etiquette?” Lancelot asked. Shirou gave them a quick breakdown of a traditional Japanese house and basic traditional customs. Lancelot was really inquisitive about the Japanese traditions and etiquette. “The customs sound really interesting. I would like to experience it sometime.”


    “You really are into traditions and etiquette. Aren't you, Sir Lancelot?” Shirou grinned.


    Lancelot smiled. “Traditions and etiquette are important. They are an important part of one's cultural heritage. And knowing the traditions and etiquette from other countries is always useful.” Shirou could readily agree with that.


    Now Galahad had some questions. “I would like to know about your talents.”


    “My talents? As in what I'm good at and stuff I like to do?” Galahad nodded in confirmation. “Well, I like fixing things. Next to that I'm also fond of doing household chores, especially cooking. And I have some skill with archery.”


    “Cooking, household chores?” Galahad raised a brow in surprise. The others too looked a bit uncertain of how to react to this fact. “Usually that is a woman's duty.”


    “Well, I live alone, so I have to. But I rather like it. And Sakura also helps around the house from time to time.” Shirou explained.


    “Sakura? Is that a girl by chance?” Galahad smiled whimsical. Shirou nodded. He smiled involuntarily when he thought about Sakura.


    “I believe you had mentioned her last evening.” Bedivere recalled.


    “She is my friend's sister. About a year and a half ago I injured my shoulder. Because of that she ended up helping me with the household, which was really helpful. In return I taught her how to cook and now we are sort of competing over who can cook best.”


    “Let us talk about something else. You mentioned archery? Are you an archer in your country?” Gawain asked after taking a huge gulp of ale.


    “For a short time. I was part of the archery club, but I had to quit for a while after receiving that shoulder injury. I ended up quiting entirely though.” Shirou admitted. He also quickly explained the concept of a club when he saw their puzzled faces.


    “How good are your skills with the bow, if I may ask?” Gawain put down his mug.


    “Decent I would say.”


    “Could you demonstrate? You have peaked my curiosity.” Lancelot smiled in expectation.


    Shirou shrugged his shoulders. “I have nothing to do right now, so ...sure. Why not?”


    “The archery range is outside.” Gawain stood up and walked to the door. “I have a feeling that this should be good.”


    Shirou and the others followed him to the archery range. This turn of events was rather abrupt. At the archery range there stood several wooden dummies lined up at a distance of around thirty-fourthy meters.


    “Here take this bow and quiver. We are curious to see your skills with the bow.” Galahad had taken a bow and a quiver from a rack and handed the items to Shirou.


    “Very well. It's been a while, but I think I'll manage.” Shirou took position and readied the bow. He lifted the bow up and knocked an arrow. He drew as he brought them back down , aimed and loosed the arrow. He hit the dummy square in the face.


    “Nice shot.” Bedivere whistled, mildly impressed. “But can you do it again?” In response Shirou lined his second shot and fired another arrow. This time he hit the hearth. After that he shot several more arrows, every one of them hit the target. And most of then would have been an instant or near-instant kill shots.


    “More than decent, I would say.” Gawain remarked afterwards. He and the others were now more than a little impressed. “I am glad we are not enemies.”


    “I concur. That was some fine shooting there.” Everybody turned around to find Arthur standing there. The knights bowed to their king. Shirou followed their example. “I saw you shooting from the balcony and decided to come take a look.”


    “Thank you. Eh, how are you today?”


    “I am fine. Thank you for asking. By the way, don't you have magic training with Merlin?”


    “Ohh. He is to train with Merlin?” Kay made a face somewhere between a smile and a painful expression. “You better keep your guard up, mister Shirou. Merlin is infamous for pulling pranks.”


    Shirou looked at Kay. “Now you mentioned it. Didn't you say something like that yesterday when we were in Merlin's tower?”


    “Indeed. Merlin is known for pulling some serious pranks. Not many of them which are appreciated.” Bedivere elaborated with an expression of hopelessness. “I remember the time when he put something in the guards drinks, turning them blue for a week.”


    “Or the time he made that poor baker think he was a dog.” Kay added. “And not to mention how he steals women's undergarments.”


    “I see. Wait! Merlin steals womens underwear?” Shirou suddenly had a vision of Merlin sneaking into somebody's home at night and stealing underwear. Hopefully Merlin doesn't use the portal to get to his time.


    “Yes, he does. And those are some of his more … innocent pranks.” Gawain's expression was one of anger and embarrassment. Clearly he had been a victim of one of Merlins pranks. Then Gawain's expression softened. “However, he is also an avid womanizer. That is one of the few things I do like about him. He should tell us sometime how he keeps reeling in women despite his age.”


    “It certainly is troublesome. I have been lenient towards him, as he is my advisor and mentor.” Arthur sighed. “His magecraft has also proved invaluable on numerous occasions. However one of these days I will be forced to lock him up for real.”


    “Come on. It was not all that bad.” Merlin had suddenly popped up behind them, grinning mischievously. “There is nothing wrong with having a good laugh. And regarding those women, I always considered love the most important thing in the world, I have you know.”


    “That is indeed troublesome.” Shirou started to feel really uneasy about training with Merlin.


    “Anyway, I would like to tell you, Shirou, that the training will start after lunch. Can't train on an empty stomach after all.”


    “Ohh, so you are the stranger I heard so much about.” Everybody turned around at the sound of the somewhat muffled voice. There stood a knight with a rather small frame, but he was completely covered in heavy silver-white armor with red markings, complete with a matching helmet sporting two large horns. Most of the other knights looked at him with a imperceptible expression.


    “Sir Mordred. It has been a while since I last saw you. I see that you have calmed your temper since the incident.” Arthur's looked at Mordred with a calm expression.


    “I have indeed, king Arthur.” Mordred waved his hand, sounding a little annoyed. He looked at the dummy. “It seems your guest is a capable archer. My name is Sir Mordred. May I ask your name?”


    “Good day, Sir Mordred. My name is Emiya Shirou. But you can call me Emiya or Shirou.” Shirou extended his hand. Mordred looked at Shirou's hand for a moment then he grasped Shirou's hand in a strong handshake. Shirou thought that he was trying to break his fingers.


    “Well met. You are certainly good with a bow, but how good are you with a sword?”


    “Not good actually. I did a little training with my dad and a friend, but that was some time ago.”


    “Ah, I see. I hear that you maybe stuck here for a while. Maybe somebody could train you in the ways of the sword. I doth not think 'tis a bad idea.”


    “Maybe not. I'll think about it.” Suddenly Shirou's stomach growled.


    “I think we all should go and grab a bite. Its high noon already.” Galahad said after noticing the position of the sun.


    “Good idea.” Arthur put his hand on his stomach, as it too growled. They followed the king to the mess hall. Everywhere they go people bowed as the king passed and when they arrived at the mess hall everybody stood up and bowed to the king.


    “Everybody can return to their meals. Somebody bring us some food.” Arthur ordered calmly.


    “I already ate so I don't need anything.” Mordred added.


    Not long after, a couple of servants arrived and put down plates laden with raw vegetables, pieces of meat and some mugs with ale. Shirou took out his chopsticks and started eating. The food was just as tasteless as the food from yesterday evening.


    “That is a strange way of eating.” Mordred commented when he saw Shirou using his chopsticks. “But not a bad one. 'Much cleaner then eating with ones bare hands.”


    “It is standard cutlery in my homeland. Aren't you going to remove your helmet?”


    “I never remove my helmet.” Mordred said with a bored tone. “In fact, It is a part of my armor itself.”


    “Indeed. I don't think anybody hast ever seen Mordred's face.” Lancelot said. A short tense silence fell. Only Arthur continued with her meal unhindered.


    “Anyway. Tell us mister Shirou. How does our food compare to the food in your country? Does it taste good?” Kay said to break the tense atmosphere.


    “There is nothing wrong with the food, I would say.” Gawain declared with absolute certainty. “I have never heard of anybody complaining about our food. Besides, when it comes to food it is quantity and not quality that counts.”


    “Regardless, can you give me your honest opinion?” Kay casted an annoyed glance at Gawain.


    “My honest opinion.” Shirou looked at Kay somewhat nervous, to which Kay nodded rather exaggerated.


    “Okay, then. To be honest I don't know if your cooks simply lack imagination or if they are just being plain lazy.” Everybody looked at Shirou with stunned expressions, even Arthur.
    “The food is pretty much tasteless. And especially the meat is though, dry, … either overcooked or undercooked. And too much vinegar too.” Nobody noticed one of the servants sneaking away after hearing Shirou's comment.


    “That was ...pretty direct.” Said Galahad.


    “Direct. I would say it was rude.” Gawain's grumbled. “There is nothing wrong with the food. Nobody, not even the king, hast ever complained about it.”


    “Shirou, do you really mean what you just said?” Everybody's gaze turned to the king now, curious about how their king would react. Arthur was looking at Shirou with a hint of anticipation on her calm face.


    “Yes. I mean it! I'm sorry if I have offended you, but that just how it is.” Shirou declared without hesitation. Arthur suddenly averted her gaze. They could hear her gritting her teeth.


    “So it is. I thank you, Shirou. You are the first person to openly admit it.” Arthur said, with a hint of loathing in her voice. Everybody was stunned at the kings words. “I can not cook myself and while I am not displeased by it, I went along with it because the knights acknowledged it as tasting good.” The knights were at a loss for words.


    “Who is the one claiming that our cooking is bad?” Somebody grumbled suddenly behind them. Everybody turned to see a small, burly man dressed in a simple tunic and a stained apron. He was middle-aged, had light green eyes and sported black unkempt hair. He made a bow when he saw the king, then he looked at Shirou with disdain. “Who are you to insult our cooking? We work our arses off every day to keep the people of the castle well fed.”


    “I'm sure you do. Your food would definitely give them the energy they need, but the taste is another matter entirely.” Shirou shot back. “Even if you need to keep hundreds of people fed, that is no excuse for the poor taste.”


    “Food is meant to keep people fed and full of energy. In the end it just is boiling or roasting meat and vegetables. That is all there is to it.” Everybody was now following their argument intensively.


    “No, you're wrong. There is way more to it than that.”


    “The lad is right.” Mordred said, much to everybody's surprise. “I have a man under my command that cooks better than this. Speaking of which, I just had an idea. Why don't we let mister Emiya cook tonight? Maybe the castle cooks can learn a thing or two.” Mordred said with a chuckle. The cook looked at Mordred with disbelief, then he looked at the king as if pleading.


    “Mordred's idea is not bad. What do you say, Shirou? Would you like to cook for us tonight?” Arthur asked calmly.


    Shirou didn't need to think about it. “No problem, but it will be after Merlin is done with his lessons. Before I go to him, I can check out the kitchen and see what I have to work with. Maybe send out some people to get some additional ingredients.”


    “Very well. I am sorry mister Everill, but Shirou will be in charge of supper today.” The cook looked at the king downcast, his feelings clearly hurt.


    “Very well, my king.” The cook left with a sobbing face.


    “I will be joining you tonight as well!” Mordred declared. “I am quite interested in what Emiya is going to cook.”


    “Are you going to remove your helmet then?” Kay asked incredulous.


    “Ay, but I will wear different one for the occasion.” He tapped his finger on the table. “I should be able to find another one just for that.” He mumbled.


    “That is agreed then. Shirou will cook for us tonight.” Arthur stated. “Now if you would excuse me, I have some business to attend to.” Arthur left the table and walked to the door.


    “Is she always that serious? She doesn't show much emotions, does she?” Shirou remarked.


    “The king never shows emotion.” Bedivere replied with a sad voice. “And mister Shirou, the king is a man. I know his appearance can be misleading, but please try to remember that.” Bedivere requested politely.


    “I'll do that.” He sighed. It was however obvious that Shirou didn't really mean it. He still stood by his belief that Arthur was a girl, which somewhat annoyed the knights. Shirou caught Kay looking at him, like if to say: 'At least somebody realized the truth.'


    Afterwards Shirou went to inspect the kitchen with Bedivere. Shirou determined that he could make do with the available utensils, but he did ask to have some additional ingredients fetched and to have some chopsticks made for this evening.


    When Shirou and Bedivere went to Merlin's tower, they were intercepted by Kay.


    “Sir Kay. Surprised to see you. Is there something you need?” Bedivere asked.


    “Ay. I was hoping I could lead Shirou to Merlin's tower instead. There is something I wanted to discuss with him. In private, please.” Bedivere looked at Shirou, who looked at Kay curiously for a moment, before an expression of understanding appeared on his face.


    “Ahh, alright. Sir Bedivere, if you don't mind.” Bedivere was obviously curious about it all, but he didn't force the matter.


    “As you wish. Sir Kay, mister Shirou.” Bedivere left them alone, while Shirou and sir Kay continued to Merlin's tower.


    “I guess you want to talk about the king being a girl. Everybody seems not to notice, but you do.”


    “I grew up with the king, as she is my foster sister. Merlin made a contract with his magic to silence me, so I can not talk about it as I please. But it's a different matter when the one I am talking to has realized it by himself”


    “Merlin did?”


    “Yes, Merlin. I understand of course. In this day and age it is only natural that the king is male. You should be careful when speaking about it though. Merlin knows that you are aware of the truth, so he will try to silence you if he deems it necessary.”


    “Yeah, I know. So, you and Merlin are the only ones who know about it?”


    “The king's father knows too of course.” They stopped at the entrance to Merlin's tower. “We are here. We will discuss this matter further another time.”


    “Alright, I will see you tonight.” Kay nodded and walked away.


    “Before you go ...” Kay turned around. “I heard there had been an incident between Mordred and the King. What happened between the two?”


    Sir Kay looked at Shirou hesitantly for a moment. “Mordred came out of no-where and earned his place at the round table trough his own strength. He has upheld the ways of chivalry like no other.”


    Kay rubbed his eye and sighed. “For as long as we hast known him, he has never removed his helmet and no-one knew where he came from. But a couple of months ago he appeared before the king and declared himself to be the king's son. It turned out he was born from the king and Morgan le Fay, through Morgan's scheme's. He arrogantly asked the king to acknowledge him as his son and heir to the throne. The king rejected him clearly and Mordred had left the castle in anger. It seems he has managed to cool his temper and straighten himself out since then.” Kay's expression showed some doubt. “But I don't trust him. I can feel that he is plotting something.


    Shirou pondered about what Kay just told him. Of course, how could have forgotten. According to the legend Mordred was king Arthur's son. The legend ended when Mordred rebelled against the king. There was one thing that did not make sense to him, however.


    “Sir Kay? Arthur is a girl, so how can she be the father?”


    Kay threw his arms up. “Merlin is half incubus. He probably used his magic on her so she could produce an heir.” He sounded really disturbed by it. Not really surprising, though. “But now I really need to go. See you tonight. I am rather curious of what you are going to make for supper.” Sir Kay turned around and went down the stairs. Shirou followed him with his gaze until he was gone, before entering Merlin's tower.



    Chapter 6

    Fate/stay Night: War across time



    Chapter 6: Magic, cooking and Mordred



    Shirou saw Merlin releasing some doves through the window when he entered the tower. Shirou reckoned them to be the familiars Merlin sent to find the portal. Merlin turned around when he heard the door close.


    “Ahh, there you are. Are you ready for your lessons?” Shirou gave a firm nod. Then Merlin's expression darkened a bit. “I heard you had met Sir Mordred. I will give you some advice: stay away from him! That man is trouble.”


    Shirou stared at Merlin silently for a moment. “Really? He was a bit strange, but he didn't seem such a bad guy.” He retorted.


    “Mordred was born from Morgan's plotting. He is Morgan's son and can not be trusted.” Merlin declared coldly.


    “He is also Arthur's son, and just because his mother is bad doesn't mean Mordred is bad.” Merlin could not help but smile at those words.


    “True enough. Any way, let us begin your training. Please take a seat.” Merlin motioned to the stool next to him. Shirou did as Merlin instructed.


    “Now, you had told me of your dangerous training method. Well forget about that! From now on you will not be using it ever again!” Merlin said firmly, causing Shirou to tense up a bit.


    “Now look Shirou, a Magus already has a Magic circuit since birth as do some normal humans. However, the difference between a Magus and such person is that the Magus can activate the circuit at will. To do this they use a mental image as a trigger to activate it. This image differs from person to person.” Shirou listened attentively to Merlin's lecture.


    “It is obvious that you have never done this before. So I will help you activate your magic circuit for the first time. Remove your tunic please.” Shirou removed his tunic. Merlin walked up to him and took up position behind him. He laid his hand on Shirou's back.


    “Now focus, Shirou. Try finding a image that suites you and focus on it. At the same time concentrate on activating your circuit. I will send some of my magical energy through your body to help you open it. I warn you though. It will be a bit unpleasant.”


    Shirou focused. An image that he could associate with activating his circuit. He thought deeply and an image of the hammer of a gun appeared. Yes! Like how you unleash so much power with such a small thing. Now, while holding that thought, he tried to activate his circuit. “Trace on.” His body began to feel warm. He could feel the magical energy beginning to flow. Then Merlin send his energy through Shirou's body. It felt like he was being cooked. Then as suddenly as his body heated up it cooled back down. Shirou fell on his knees gasping for air, drenched in cold sweat.


    “Success!” Merlin voice sounded elated. “That was good, Emiya Shirou. Here have some water to cool down.” Merlin took a mug of water from the table and handed it to him. “When you have rested a bit, we will examine your origin and element. Then we are done for today.”


    “Is that all we are doing today?”


    “Eager, aren't we?” Merlin chuckled. “Activating your circuit for the first time has drained quite some strength from you. So yeah, that will be all for today.” Shirou took a big gulp of water.


    “What do you exactly mean by Origin and element?” Merlin had expected as much. Nevertheless he could not help sighing from disappointment.


    “I see. So your father did not even teach you that much.” He scratched his head. “Well first let me explain to you the concept of the Elements. There are basic elements: Fire, water, earth, wind and void. Usually a Magus has an affinity with at least one of these. There are off course other elements besides the five previous mentioned, but they are rather uncommon.” Merlin paused for a moment while, allowing it to sink in.


    Shirou closed his eyes for a moment, pondering about what Merlin had told. “Let's say that if I had an affinity with fire, then fire magic would be the magic best suited for me.” She


    “Indeed, you catch on quickly.” Merlin stroked his beard and smiled approvingly. “There are also those who have an affinity with more than one element. Those who have an affinity with all five elements are very rare. That is about the basics regarding elements.” Merlin filled another mug with water and drank some.


    “Moving to Origins. Elemental Affinity indicates a Magus' general alignment and not all Magi have one. An Origin however gives precise details about a Magus and not only for a Magus. Even animals posses an Origin. It defines one's existence and directs one actions throughout life from the moment they come into existence. If one's Origin is strongly expressed outwardly, than their Origin can become their alignment. Thus replacing their original alignment.” Merlin was really getting into the flow. “Most of the time they merely get removed somewhat from their normal alignment. However... when their Origin becomes their alignment, they become extreme specialists. As such they can potentially reach higher grounds than normal magi and overcome great obstacles in some cases.” Shirou was listening intensely to Merlin's lecture which obviously amused Merlin.


    “That is about the most important things you needs to know about Origins. While we are waiting for you to recover a bit, would you mind telling me a bit about the magi from your era?” Merlin was looking hopeful and curious.


    “Well, I will try. But you should know that I don't know much about it. Other than my father, I didn't know any other Magi. Neither did he tell me much about the world of magi.” Shirou took another sip and stretched himself. He wasn't sure of what to say, so merely told Merlin what he remembered from what his father told him.


    “According to my father magic has declined over the past thousand years, viewed from my time of course. So in order to safeguard the magical arts the magi banded together and formed the Mage's Association. Their main goals are to conceal, control and develop Magecraft. My father always said that I should stay clear of the association.” Merlin leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. His eyes gleaming from curiosity. “The Magi in my time keep themselves and magic hidden from the normal society. As long as a Magus doesn't do anything that draws to much attention or break any taboos, they are free to do whatever they want, no matter how evil their deeds.” Merlin listened silently to Shirou's explanation. The more Shirou told him, the darker his expression grew.


    “I don't really like what you just told me. You said that magic has declined that much?”


    “Yes, I don't think there are many magi that can stand up to magi from this time.”


    “I, as some other Magi, have already come to understand that Magic would decline, but still … And judging from what you told me, I can garner that the Magi haven't changed their ways either. Not surprising.” Merlin's face turned sad for a moment and took another sip. “We will continue on this topic some other time. How do you feel?”


    “Better. Are we now going to determine what my Origin and Alignment are?” Merlin nodded.


    “Let's begin. First a question: Is there anything that interests you? Something that attracts you to the point that you even see it in your dreams?”


    “Well, there is something.” Merlin held up his hand. He moved himself in front of Shirou. And placed his hands on Shirou's forehead and hearth.


    “I want you to close your eyes and focus on that. I will use a spell that will help me identify you Origin and Alignment. Shirou did as he was told and concentrated on it. The image of the golden sword he had seen in his dreams countless of times. Sword's had always fascinated Shirou, although he never figured out why. He could hear Merlin recite his spell and he could feel the magic working.


    “You can open your eyes again.” Merlin removed his hands. “It seems your Origin is 'sword' as is your alignment.”


    Shirou looked at Merlin's troubled face. He was lost in thought. “Is there something wrong, Merlin?”


    “Hmm, what? Oh no, there is nothing wrong. I was just .. eh .. surprised by your origin.” Merlin still looked troubled though. “When a person, a Magus, has dreams like those you have, it can be a possible indication of ones Origin. That makes finding ones Origin and Alignment a lot easier.”


    “I see. So what now?” Shirou put his tunic back on.


    “Now I know what you Origin and Alignment are, I can determine how I can properly teach you how to use your magic.” Merlin brushed his beard. “Since your Origin and Alignment is 'Sword', I would suggest to pick up some sword training. If my suspicions are correct, which they are most of the time, it will be wise for you to do so. But for now we are done and I don't want to tire you too much today. I am looking forward to tonight's supper.” Merlin sounded eager to try Shirou's food.


    There are a couple of hours to spare before Shirou would have to go to the kitchen so he decided to explore the castle a bit. During his exploration he ran into Arthur.


    “Your majesty. How are you?”


    “I am fine, Shirou. But what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be training under Merlin's guidance.”


    “Yeah. Today Merlin only activated my circuit for the first time and looked at my Origin and Alignment. So now he is trying to find an appropriate training method for me. Since there is still some time before I have to go to the kitchen, I decided to explore the castle a bit.”


    Arthur looked at him unblinking. “I see. Would you like to accompany me for a while? I have finished all of my important duties for today, so I now hast a little time on my hands.”


    “Okay. If I can please his majesty with my presence, I will.”


    Arthur raised an eyebrow. “There was no need to be so stiff. When we are not in the throne room or in the presence of important visitors, you can be a little less formal.”


    “I'll remember that.”


    “Good. Why don't we go to the terrace? I would like to know more about you and your country.” Shirou followed the king to the terrace garden. They met quite some people along the way. Everyone bowed when the king passed, but nobody spoke to the king. Somehow that annoyed Shirou, though he could not quite determine as to why it bothered him. When they arrived at the terrace, they sat down on one of the stone benches overlooking the country side. In the bright midday sun the grasslands looked like flowing gold.


    “Tell me, Shirou. I know you have only been here for a short while, but how does it feel living in this time and age?”


    “Well, the beds are some getting used to since I prefer to sleep in a futon.”


    “Futon? Is that the traditional type of bed in your country?”


    “Yes. Although we have similar beds as here, brought to our country by western immigrants. The traditional Japanese bed is quite different. The futon consists of a bottom mattress and a stuffed quilt and is simply put on the floor. Other than that I kinda miss the daily conveniences which I have always taken for granted. It is all making me realize how good we have it in my time.”


    “Hmm, I see. What is a Japanese house like?” Shirou told her about how in a traditional Japanese home, how everybody sits and sleeps on the floor. Explained about the design and such.


    “Interesting. But why do Japanese people sit and sleep on the ground?” Arturia looked inquisitively as she folded her hands.


    “Uhm...I am not sure myself. But I believe that it has to do with the fact that Ancient Japanese houses were built over a platform. And the entire house was pretty much considered a bed.” Shirou thought about it for a moment. But he believed that it was about right, if he remembers his history lessons well enough.


    “That is certainly very different from our living style.” Arturia put her fist on her chin and nodded as she thought about it.


    “You can say that again.” Shirou looked at Arthur with a peculiar stare.


    “Why do you look at me like that? Is there something wrong?” Arthur put herself a little on guard.


    “No, nothing. I still can't believe that the legendary king Arthur was actually a girl. That certainly was a surprise. It is amazing that nobody realized it.”


    “Shirou, you have recognized me for what I truly am, but I want you to keep it a secret.” Arthur said firmly. Her eyes gazing at him intensely. “I am indeed a girl. However I want to make it clear that I am a knight and the king foremost. My gender is of no importance!”


    Shirou frowned. What Arthur just said didn't sit right with him. “I can understand that you have to conceal your gender, so I'll keep quiet. But since you are a girl, would you mind if I call you Arturia when we are alone?”


    Arthur sighed. “I rather not. It is important that this remains a secret. So I must incist that you don't call me that.” She urged him.


    Suddenly they heard the doors open. They turned around to see lady Guinevere and Sir Lancelot. Sir Lancelot bowed in greeting the king. He bid lady Guinevere good day and left.


    “Does Guinevere know that you are a girl?” Shirou whispered.


    “Could be. I never revealed it to her. I also never slept in the same bed, so she might have some suspicions. Regardless, I know she understands her position as queen regardless.”


    Shirou made a sad face. “Must be hard on her.”


    “I agree. She has Sir Lancelot supporting her. For which I am glad.” An expression of shocked recollection suddenly appeared on Shirou's face. According to the legend Lancelot had an affair with the queen which didn't end well.


    “Is something wrong, Shirou?” Arthur looked a little disturbed when she saw Shirou's troubled face.


    “Ah...uh, well...no. No, nothing is wrong.” Shirou averted his gaze.


    “Hello, my king.” Guinevere had walked up to them. She was smiling brightly, but despite of that Shirou could swear he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. In any case he was glad for Guinevere's interruption. “Mister Emiya, how fare you today?”


    “Fine, milady. I was telling the king about the traditional houses of my country and such. How was your day?”


    “Fine, mister Shirou. Nothing really important happened. Sir Lancelot was so kind to provide me some company. By the way, I believe it is only a short time before supper.”


    Shirou looked at the steadily setting sun. “Is it that late already? Thank you for reminding me, milady. Well then. I shall be going. Shall we continue this conversation another time?”


    “We will. I'll let you know that I am looking forward to try your cooking.” Arturia gave him a meaningful look. Shirou gave a nod and left.


    When he arrived at the kitchen Everill and the other cooks were waiting for him. All the fires were already burning. Everill was clearly annoyed.
    “Ahh, there is our 'master cook'. We have been waiting for ye.” Everill said with sarcasm. “Is the kitchen to your liking?”


    Shirou had told them to clean the entire kitchen and fetch some additional ingredients earlier today. When Shirou checked the kitchen he found it above satisfactory.


    “Hmmm, good work. A good cook should always keep his kitchen as clean as possible. So, before we begin: has everybody washed their hands?” Everybody looked at Shirou with surprise.


    “No, we haven't.” One of the servants responded. Shirou shook his head.


    “Ok, let's do that first. When cooking, it is important to clean your hands before you start. That is healthier and cleaner. So everybody wash your hands in, preferably, hot water. Make sure to clean under your nails as well.” Everybody was looking at each other in confusion, but they did as Shirou said.


    “Ok, now we can begin in earnest.” Shirou gave various instructions. The cooks were skeptical at first about Shirou's methods, but soon began to see the use of it. Methods like cooking the chicken before roasting it. Shirou decided to make several dishes with pork, veal, fish, venison and poultry. There was a large pot of vegetable soup, and several pots with sauces. Shirou was a bit worried at first. He didn't know if the cooks and servants would cooperate. He did criticize their cooking quite a bit. But the longer they worked, the more they came to realize the truth of Shirou's claims, albeit begrudgingly. At one point Everill suddenly walked up to Shirou.


    “Emiya Shirou, I would like to apologize.” He said with a small voice. Shirou blinked his eyes at Everill's words. “I never knew that there was such a way of cooking.”


    “Ahhh...uh...No need to apologize Everill-san. I too should have been more polite in my criticizing. I'm glad I could help. This reminds me a bit when I taught Sakura to cook.” Shirou had to smiled at the memories and turned his attention back to the mushroom sauce.


    “I thank you, Emiya Shirou.” Everill smiled. “By the way is this Sakura a girl perchance?” Shirou looked at Everill and nodded, to which Everill grinned before returning to his kettle. “Oh... What does san mean?”


    ******************************************


    Meanwhile at the dinner table, the king, the queen, Merlin and the knights were awaiting dinner. The table was already set. Shirou had arranged for chopsticks, since it would take a while to fashion forks for everybody, which peaked the curiosity from several people. Guinevere was talking with Merlin and sir Lancelot. The other knights were discussing different topics ranging from stories of bravado to the recent bandit activity. Bedivere and Kay were talking with Mordred.


    “So, Mordred. First time seeing some part of your face.” Kay looked Mordred in the eyes, which were normally hard to see under his horned helmet. He noticed Mordred's familiar-looking green eyes. Eyes like those of the king. Mordred was wearing a simple helmet with a visor, leaving only his mouth and chin uncovered. A parts of his armor had also been removed, like the gauntlets and tassets. His arms and hands were surprisingly slender.


    “I must say it does feel rather odd, not wearing my full face-covering helmet.” Mordred took a sip of ale. “Well, I am curious about what mister Emiya is going to cook for us.”


    “It was quite a shocking revelation when you revealed yourself as the king's son.” Said Bedivere. “I never realized.”


    “Neither did I, until mother told me. But all that is meaningless since the king rejected me as his son.” Mordred's voice a rose a little. Kay and Bedivere noticed his hand, holding the goblet, trembling for a moment. They glanced at each other with meaningful eyes. Both held suspicion for Mordred ever since he revealed himself to be the king's son. Suddenly the doors opened and servants entered the dinning chamber, carrying plates and kettles laden with food. Everybody's mouths started watering when the smell reached their noses. Shirou entered the room lastly.


    “Good evening everybody. I thank you all for your patience. Before we begin, I have arranged for everybody to be provided with chopsticks. The two sticks on everybody's right. These will make it easier, or at least make it cleaner to eat. I'll give you a quick demonstration of how to use them properly.” He took out his own chopsticks from his pocket and showed them how to use them properly. Most of them got the hang of it quickly. Although some of them had some trouble with it.


    “Now let us begin. For starters there is a simple vegetable soup. Next we have various dishes consisting from fish, poultry, venison, pork and veal along with vegetables. And without further delay, everybody enjoy the food.”


    The servants started pouring the soup. Shirou took his place next to the king. Everybody was a exited. They looked at the king, waiting for him to take the first bite. Arthur took her spoon and scooped up the soup. She brought it to her mouth and tasted it. She was momentarily stunned from the taste.

    “Delicious!!!” She exclaimed. “This is really good.”


    This prompted the others to taste it as well. It was just a simple vegetable soup, but with the right mix of herbs it tastes so much better. Everybody clearly enjoyed it with many calls for seconds which delighted Shirou very much. Some still had trouble with the chopsticks though. As was evident when Kay simply stabbed them in the meat and how Galahad kept dropping the food each time it got anywhere near his mouth.


    “This soup is great, Shirou.” Mordred was clearly savoring the taste, as he was eating it at a rapid pace. “You did really well.”


    “No argument there, sir Mordred.” Bedivere joined in. “Simply delicious.”


    Shirou smiled from satisfaction. He looked to Arthur, who was busy with her second serving of soup. She sure was eating fast too. By the time they finished the soup, it was time for the main course. The venison and the fish were the most popular. While most people at the table managed to use the chopsticks, some still had trouble with it. It was quite funny to see some of them struggling with it.


    “Great cooking, Emiya Shirou.” Gawain grinned as he patted his stomach, feeling saturated. “I did not know one could prepare food like this. I mean... I always liked the food they served, but this really is exquisite!”


    “Well thank you, sir Gawain. How many servings have you got?”


    “Two for the soup and venison and one for the poultry. And some bits from the other dishes.”


    “you always were the biggest glutton at the table, sir Gawain.” Bedivere smirked. “I only had one serving of soup, pork and veal and I am already full.”


    “Excuse me, but may I say something?” One of the servants interrupted suddenly. Shirou, Bedivere, Mordred and Gawain looked at the servant questionably.


    “What is it that you want to share with us?” Mordred asked while chewing on a piece of veal.


    “Pardon my boldness, but as someone who hast served at banquets numerous times, I normally would agree that Sir Gawain's appetite is indeed the largest at the round table.” He cast a glance at the king. “But seeing how the king has consumed three servings of soup and is now busy with his third serving of the main courses, I think Sir Gawain has just lost in terms of appetite.”


    They looked at the king. She was eating rather fast and enjoying it all the way. “This is great.” She took another serving of food on her plate. Shirou made eye contact with Guinevere. She, as well as Merlin and Lancelot, were rather surprised by how much the king was able to eat.


    “I am glad to see that your majesty is enjoying the food.”


    “Ah, indeed. I must say, I am impressed by your cooking. It seems you claims about cooking were valid.” The king nodded in approval.


    “Thank you, your highness. I couldn't have made this much food without the help of Everill and the others. They adapted quite fast, and you will surely notice the improvements in their cooking before long.”


    The meal went on for another twenty minutes or so. Once everyone finished, Arthur stood up to make an announcement.


    “I know that we can all agree that tonights feast was exceptionally good. Never had I, or anyone else here, tasted such delicious food. Therefore I want to make a toast to Emiya Shirou, for allowing us to experience such delicacies. And to the cooks and servants for aiding him in creating this feast. Emiya Shirou, you and the others have done marvelous work.”


    Arthur raised her goblet and everybody else followed her example. “A toast to Shirou and the cooks.” This marked the end of the meal, after which everyone started to slowly leave the room.


    “The food was delicious, mister Emiya.” Guinevere smiled warmly. “I hope you would grace us with more of your cooking in the future.”


    “Off course, milady. I like cooking a lot, so I don't see any problem.”


    “I thank you, for accepting. Now, if you would want to excuse me, I will retreat to my chambers. Sir Lancelot, would you escort me to my chambers?” Guinevere offered her arm.


    “Of course, milady Guinevere.” Lancelot made a bow, and took her hand. “I bid you good night, mister Emiya.” Guinevere said before they left.


    “As do I. It was a great meal, mister Emiya.” Lancelot gave Shirou an approving smile, as he escorted Guinevere.


    “Good night to you too.” Shirou looked behind him, when somebody suddenly laid a hand on his shoulder. It was Merlin. He was holding the notebook in his other hand.


    “Here. I have taken all the information I needed from it, so I am returning it.” Merlin handed the book over to Shirou.


    “Thank you. I will see you tomorrow for training then.”


    “Indeed. I thank you for the wonderful food.” Merlin patted his stomach and grinned. “I have barely slept last night, so now I will turn in early today. Good night.” Merlin suppressed a yawn.


    “I also want to remind you of my advise to find someone who could instruct you in the way of the sword, as I know that it will prove extremely valuable in the future.”


    “Thank you, Merlin.” Shirou took the notebook. Merlin smiled and patted him on the shoulder before leaving.


    “That was a delicious meal, Shirou. I hope you could do it again sometime.” Arturia said.


    “The queen asked me the same thing before she left. Of course I will cook again. Perhaps as a farewell, when I return home.” Shirou noticed they were alone. “So, king Arturia. What are you going to do for the remainder of the evening?”


    Arturia lifted a brow and sighed. “You really are determined to call me that, aren't you? I still have some things to do before I will go to bed. What about you?”


    “I think I will take a stroll around the castle. Go outside for some fresh air and then get some sleep.”


    “Very well. Don't get lost. The castle is rather huge.” Arturia turned around and walked to the door. Shirou followed her through and went the other way.


    “Good night.”


    “Good night.” Arturia gave a final nod before she disappeared through another door.


    While he was walking through the corridor he recalled how during the feast virtually no one talked to her. Shirou was only here for a day, but he got the distinct notion that nobody ever talked to the king unless spoken to, or when they needed to discuss important affairs.
    He quickly removed the thought. After all he had only seen her a couple of times. Surely people spoke with her when he wasn't there. Yet for some reason, the suspicion didn't let him go. Shirou shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts.


    He went through a door and found himself on the western battlements. The moon and stars were shining brightly. A couple of guards greeted him as they passed by. Shirou found a bench and sat down. He gazed at the stars when somebody suddenly appeared next to him. It was Mordred.


    “Good evening Shirou. Gazing at the starts I see.” Mordred was once again wearing his horned helmet. “Mind if I joined you.”


    “Sure, I don't mind.” Mordred sat down besides Shirou.


    “So, I hear you are going to practice magic with Merlin tomorrow.” Mordred shook his head chuckling. “Be sure to prepare yourself. Working with a Magus is not easy, especially if that Magus is Merlin.”


    “You seem to speak from experience.”


    “Ay. I was raised by my mother, Morgan le Fay. She is my father's sister and she hates him the most.” Mordred explained casually. In the legend of Arthur Morgan was the witch, who was regarded as king Arthur's most hated enemy, Shirou remembered. That was not what surprised him though.


    “Wait. Morgan is Arturia's sister?” Shirou blurted out. He knew that Morgan was Arturia's enemy, but the fact that she was also Arturia's sister was new to him.


    “Yeah, I know what you mean. My mother put a spell on father so she could obtain some of my father's seed. And Shirou... it is King Arthur, not Arturia.”


    “No, your 'father' is definitely a girl. Even though nobody seems to recognize that.” Shirou couldn't see Mordred's expression, but he guessed he was annoyed at the notion.


    “Why do you always wear that helmet?” Shirou tried to change the subject.


    “I guess I can tell you that. My mother wanted me to usurp the throne, so she gave me this helmet, telling me never to remove it. Doing so would reveal my heritage.”


    “But didn't you revealed yourself as Arthur's son? So why keep the helmet on? I would say that your helmet doesn't have any use anymore.”


    “True. I did not even know that I was Arthur's son myself, until my mother told me. Afterwards, I revealed the truth to my father and he rejected me quite clearly.” Shirou noticed how Mordred clenched his fists when he said that. As well as the bitterness and anger that permeated his voice. The event clearly troubled Mordred greatly. Not really a surprising. Being rejected by your own father was nothing to be taken lightly. Shirou couldn't help but feel sorry for him.


    “But as to why I still wear it. Mostly just the force of habbit. The day will come when I will remove my helmet. Some day ...” Mordred looked at the stars for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “Maybe if you prove that you can be trusted, I might show you my face someday. But enough about that. Let us discuss something else. Do you know what your alignment is? Do you have an Origin?” Shirou could feel Mordred's curious gaze boring into him.


    “Uhm ...well I do. My Origin and alignment are both the element 'Sword'.”


    “Sword, you say? That is rather unusual.” Mordred sounded intrigued.


    “You seem to know a thing or two about Magic. I take it you learned that from your mother?” Shirou turned himself more toward Mordred.


    “Naturally. She thought me thing or two about Magic. Mainly to combat enemy Magi as I have no aptitude for it.” Mordred tapped his fingers on the bench. “In any case, you said that your Origin and Alignment was the element Sword? That is really interesting.”


    Shirou nodded. “That's why Merlin advised me to learn the way of the sword.”


    After hearing this, Mordred became a little excited.
    “Interesting. What would you say if I offer myself to be your teacher?”


    “Wait! You want to train me as a swordsman?” Mordred nodded in confirmation.


    Shirou thought about it for a moment before he answered. “Why not? I accept your proposal. I have magic practice with Merlin in the afternoon so how does tomorrow morning sound?.”


    “Good. That is settled then. I will see you tomorrow after breakfast in the training hall.” Mordred said with a joyful tone and clasped his hands together. “Well, Shirou. I think I will turn in for to night.” Mordred gave him a firm smack on his back, causing Shirou to cough.


    “Yeah,I think I'll go get some sleep too. Good night, Sir Mordred.” Shirou replied coughing. Mordred gave a nod and walked away chuckling.


    Shirou finally stopped coughing and looked after Mordred. He sure was a feisty one.
    Shirou stretched himself and made his way to his chambers.

    Last edited by FSNdeluxe; April 27th, 2015 at 11:54 AM.

  9. #29
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    I did her fic already.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  10. #30
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Can I read it somewhere?

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    I'm still waiting for her to answer some concerns I have.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  12. #32
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    I voted very bad.

    - - - Updated - - -

    sorry man, try again.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  13. #33
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sakura Is Not Into Bondage View Post
    I voted very bad.

    - - - Updated - - -

    sorry man, try again.
    What is it that makes it so bad to you?

  14. #34
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    Um
    lets see...

    1. Bad dialogue
    2. Bad grammar
    3. Boring characterization
    4. Bad concept


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  15. #35
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Let me ask you: the dialogue in the prologue. How would you have written it?

  16. #36
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    I honestly don't know, but I wouldn't have written the fic with that premise. Time travel is kinda bad most of the time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  17. #37
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Is my grammar that bad?

  18. #38
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    It's not the worst I've seen, but it's not good by any stretch.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  19. #39
    夜属 Nightkin
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    I thought it looks farely decent. Can you give me a specific explanation of what is wrong with it?

    By the way, Frostyvale sais that the Middle english is a bad idea. Do you agree with that?
    Last edited by FSNdeluxe; February 5th, 2015 at 08:37 PM.

  20. #40
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    Yes.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, look at my in depth posts that I did before for issues.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

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